Maya and Claudine are officially married now! What awaits them in married noble life? A lot, that's what. Longest chapter incoming. There's a lot to cover!
Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.
Chapter 7. Tentative Trust
Maya can't remember her dreams exactly from the night before, but she knows Claudine was involved in just about every second of them.
The moment she's conscious again this morning, yesterday's events come flooding back to her.
Saijou Claudine… is her wife.
Even before she opens her eyes, Maya can feel a faint warmth on the mattress beside her where Claudine had rested at some point in the night before turning over. She catches a sweet scent - the scent that she's starting to become accustomed to and know it belongs to her wife. And she can hear the peaceful sounds of her breathing, light and restful.
Already, Maya's entire body is tingling with anticipation to begin this new day with her wife. She opens her eyes to the bedroom, which is already being colored in by the milky morning sunlight.
Right away, she checks on Claudine to make sure she isn't about to fall off the bed, given it's still a very unfamiliar environment to her. Her wife is lying with her back to Maya, her cascade of curly hair spilling sideways down her back as she breathes.
Maya smiles without even thinking. But then she wonders if she's being intrusive or improper.
On one hand, Claudine is her wife now, so engaging in tender moments like these should've been permissible.
However, that would only be true if the feelings Maya harbored weren't one-sided. As far as she knows, Claudine is still on-edge around her while still adjusting to this new life.
A rush of guilt floods through Maya when she considers that what she's doing might be unwanted or predatory. She simply confirms that Claudine is all right, then turns away to get herself out of bed.
Maya stretches and gathers her clothes for the day from her wardrobe, and while she's there she does a bit of rearranging. While she only owns men's clothing, she wouldn't want to risk Claudine accidentally coming across her chest-wrap bindings and inquiring what they were, so Maya tactfully buries those at the back and bottom of her drawers.
Now that Claudine is here, it would excuse any other kind of feminine-like products that might pop up around their living quarters. Maya would be able to get away with indulging in little things that she previously wouldn't have been able to keep, such as hand creams, candles, knick-knacks, and other things that might've been considered 'feminine' that she was better off avoiding. It's just a small, added bonus to this wonderful development in her life.
She gets changed and ready in the bathroom, then reenters the bedroom as she's tying up her ponytail. Claudine is just stirring then, and Maya makes sure to greet her to let her know where she is in the room.
"Good morning, Claudine. Did you sleep well?"
Claudine blinks a few times to wake up the muscles in her eyelids, letting her other senses come to her.
"Good morning. Yes, I slept just fine."
"I'm very happy to hear it. Please, take your time getting ready and then join me for breakfast."
Maya stays back to one side of the room, aimlessly adjusting random things on the bookshelves as she observes her wife. Although Claudine has already memorized the layout of the room, enough to not require her cane, she still moves a bit cautiously here or there, as if she truly still can't believe that she is somewhere safe where things weren't pre-arranged to fall on her or startle her.
Well, get used to it, Ojou-sama. You'll have nothing but peace from here on out.
Once Claudine has freshened up and changed, she takes her cane before joining Maya, holding onto her elbow as they make their way down to the dining hall.
The servants and chefs greet them as Claudine curiously savors the flavors of today's meal, which consists of salmon, crab, steamed vegetables, and seasoned rice. All things she'd never had before, based on the blush in her cheeks.
Once they've finished, Maya helps her from her chair.
"Now then, please come with me."
Claudine gives her a curious look.
"Eh? Do you really have time to be wasting on me? Don't you have your own work to do?"
"Correction. No time I spend with you is 'wasted.' It is all essential bonding between a husband and wife. You are correct in that I have my own responsibilities though, what with overseeing various businesses throughout the Empire… However, I've taken a few weeks off for the time being so that I might be able to spoil you a little."
Claudine's face turns bright pink like her eyes.
"I don't need you to-"
"Perhaps not. But I want to. Now please, come with me. I think you will enjoy what I have in store for you today."
Maya leads her wife to the massive library, which they had visited yesterday, and helps her to a chair.
"Now typically," she says. "We will be hiring some of our trusted scholars in education to teach you. But for now, with me being free of work, I decided to take the liberty upon myself. With that being said, where would you like to start?"
Claudine's jaw drops a tiny bit.
"Y… You're going to teach me?"
"But of course. Being that I learned all I know from the same mentors who will be teaching you, it will be a test of my own knowledge. So where would you like to begin? History? Mathematics? Politics? Writing?"
It must be a lot for poor Claudine to take in, because she still appears to be frazzled. When Maya had told her yesterday that she would be able to receive an education, Claudine probably hadn't thought she'd meant as soon as today.
"Or, if you would rather wait to begin with this," Maya offers. "We can always start some other time. There are plenty of other things I would like to-"
"No." Claudine answers firmly now. "Please. I… I want to learn. Properly. Not just eavesdropping on my sisters' lectures and gathering bits and pieces… I want to learn everything."
Maya smiles, stepping close to reach out and rest a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"Then you will. Let us start with Japan's history then, shall we?"
And so Maya begins her first of many lessons with Claudine.
She pulls out various tomes from the library's shelves and reads passages aloud while Claudine listens attentively. Understandably, she has a ton of burning questions, and now that someone is actually readily willing to provide answers, she doesn't hold back.
Maya answers everything she has to wonder about, either based on her own knowledge on the topics, or if there's something she doesn't know, she searches the books for an answer. Claudine asks very precise and often clever questions, to the point where Maya is astounded that she hadn't received a proper education prior to this. Her level of critical thinking and cognizance is higher than most people Maya knows.
For hours on end, Claudine is whole-heartedly invested in the lessons. Her eyes shine brightly, and sometimes she seems to be almost breathless in her excitement of finally being able to learn. Maya matches her zeal, making for quite the lively and informative session.
They pause to have lunch, and then Maya offers to do other things. But she can tell that Claudine is itching to get back to studying, so they make their way back to the library for the remainder of the afternoon.
By the time they've finished supper and retreated to bed, Claudine is still asking questions. Maya answers them all, amused and joyful beyond words to see Claudine so invested. Only when Claudine is interrupted mid-question by a petite yawn does Maya gently put an end to their knowledgeable day.
"All right," she chuckles. "That's enough for one day, wouldn't you say so?" They were both already dressed in their sleep clothes and sitting up in bed. An adorable pout of disappointment comes onto Claudine's face.
"But there's still so much-"
"Indeed there is. But we have tomorrow. And the day after that. And all of next week and next month… Do you see my reasoning?" Maya reaches out to lightly touch Claudine's headband, which she'd forgotten to remove. When she doesn't shy away, Maya carefully removes it for her, then combs her fingers through her hair to smooth it. "Your body and mind are exhausted from today, Claudine. Rest now so you can be refreshed for tomorrow."
Claudine sighs, but there's still a smile on her lips.
"You're right. I've already learned so much today. Thank you, Maya-sama."
"Think nothing of it. I am more than happy to do this for you. Happier than you could ever understand. It fills me with such joy to see you like this, Claudine."
Her wife blushes faintly and turns her face away.
"I'm grateful to you… But please don't let me get in the way."
"You could never. As I mentioned, I am free from my duties for the time being. There is no other way I would like to spend my time than with you. Shall we continue tomorrow?"
Claudine dips her head.
"If you'd be willing."
"Of course. Goodnight then, Claudine."
"Goodnight, Maya-sama."
Maya leans over to the nightstand to shut off the final lamp in the room, then lies down.
Claudine lingers sitting up, her posture still a bit stiff, as if she'd expected Maya to request compensation for all she'd done for her today. Something tells Maya that Claudine is grateful enough to her that she would have agreed if Maya had been a different person and asked it of her.
But as things are, she pretends she doesn't notice Claudine's nervousness and simply acts as though she's already gone to sleep. She watches Claudine visibly relax and let out a sigh before lying down to do the same.
Maya keeps a respectable distance on the bed between them and closes her eyes as she feels the busy day catching up to her now. Within moments she is drifting off to the rhythmic sound of Claudine's breathing, planning out all of the other things she wants to offer her in the future.
The following day is much the same, with Maya tutoring Claudine mostly in history in the morning. As for the afternoon, she proposes a bit of math.
"Math?" Claudine parrots. "I'm not sure how well that can work out for someone like me…"
"Don't worry. I'm not going to have you write out fractions and equations. But we can use these." Maya paces across the room to a desk and opens one drawer, which has an assortment of things inside. She fishes out a small drawstring pouch, and its contents clink and clatter as she brings it back to the table. She opens it and spills out dozens of half-marble game pieces, flat on one side so they don't roll. Claudine reaches out to feel them.
"Counters?"
"Precisely. I will explain each problem in great detail, and you can arrange the pieces as you see fit. What do you think?"
Claudine's expression becomes eager and serious.
"Let's try it."
And it goes even better than Maya had envisioned. Claudine catches on very quickly. She's able to arrange the pieces accordingly based on the problems Maya presents her with. Whenever she does get stumped, Maya helps her, and explains things using different methods until she understands.
Claudine really enjoys math. So they proceed with more of it again the next day.
And after that, Rei finds them and offers to train Claudine on a different topic.
Though Claudine knows all of the basic etiquette expected of a noblewoman, she'd never really been given proper classes. Maya had been taught as a boy and she has limited knowledge on how to teach such things, so she is grateful for Rei's assistance.
Maya stays back and watches the two women as Rei instructs Claudine on how to hold her utensils and tableware properly, how to sit and stand at certain postures, how to speak eloquently, and so forth. They're all things Claudine had already known to some degree, but now that she's being helped on how to perfect them, she jumps at the opportunity.
"It will help you keep up appearances," Maya hears Rei explaining to her. "So that you may stand at Maya-sama's side and no one can have any complaints about it."
Maya isn't certain if this factors in or not, but she feels like Claudine tries even harder after that. She does very well, and picks up on most things right away.
But of course, her favorite lesson by far is when Rei offers to help her slow-dance.
While Claudine was an expert at dancing to music on her own, she'd never had a partner before. Rei guides her around the large living room area and gives her various pointers.
Maya watches them from afar, noting how Claudine's blindness seems to hinder her the least when she's dancing above all else.
They dance for the entire afternoon, sometimes to music and sometimes not. At the end of it all, Claudine excuses herself to the restroom to wash her face. At that point, Rei approaches Maya, wearing a smug look.
"Now, now, Maya-sama," she goads. "If your wife could see the expression you're making right now, she might be frightened. You look quite scary. Did watching someone else dance with her really make you that jealous?"
Maya feels her entire face heat up in an instant.
"Not at all. I simply-"
"You're lucky she's blind," Rei teases. "Because your expressions give away what a terrible liar you are."
Maya's blush deepens, and Rei laughs.
"Don't worry. I'm not going to try and steal her away from you! You two are so precious together."
"...Do you really think so?"
"I know so." Rei glances back toward the restroom to ensure Claudine hasn't emerged yet before continuing. "It may not be that obvious to you yet, but she does like you."
Maya's heart trembles with delight.
"She does?"
Rei snorts with laughter.
"Of course she does! Why do you think she's trying so hard? Do you really think she'd be enjoying all of these lessons so much if someone else was teaching her? The only reason she worked so hard with me was because she wanted to be perfect for when she eventually dances with you."
Hearing all of this makes Maya feel lightheaded with glee.
Just then, Claudine emerges from the restroom, looking healthily flushed from all of the physical activity.
"Rei-san? Can we continue?"
Rei gives Maya a wink before addressing her master's wife.
"This old maid is getting tired today. Is it alright if we pick up some other time?"
"Of course! Thank you for teaching me today!" Claudine throws herself forward into a bow.
"No need for that, Saijou-sama! You are my mistress, after all."
"But still, I'm grateful."
"I know you are. I appreciate it. Now then, please pacify your husband. He's been quite jealous of me dancing with you all this while." Rei gives a mischievous smirk in Maya's direction before she heads off. Claudine turns to Maya and tilts her head.
"She's joking, right? There's no way you would be jealous of me dancing with another woman."
Maya sputters to clear her throat.
"Of course. Rei-san loves to make jokes just to get a rise out of me."
"She's a good woman. Don't be too hard on her."
Maya cools down from being teased, then offers Claudine her arm. She takes her out to the gardens to wind down for the day, and before they know it it's time for bed once again.
Their days continue as such.
Each day, Maya helps tutor Claudine in one subject or another, and they often swap depending on how invested Claudine is in each one.
One day, Maya teaches her about astronomy, and that's something that Claudine falls in love with right away.
Another day, Maya offers to give her painting lessons. Claudine scoffs incredulously at that, thinking it must be a joke. But Maya tells her where each color is located on her palette. By explaining to her what piece of the scene they are painting is where, and what color it should be, she helps Claudine construct a very unique and colorful landscape.
Maya hangs this painting up in their bedroom so she may gaze at it every day - the result of Claudine's efforts. It's a bit wobbly and abstract of course, but the sky is a beautiful mix of blues and purples, while the grass is a hearty smear of greens and yellows. A splash of reds, pinks, and oranges to one side depicts the idea of a sunset, and overall it's really quite beautiful.
With lessons such as all of these, Maya spends nearly all of her time with her wife.
There is only one personal matter she ever needs to take some time alone to look into.
She often chooses to do this by leaving early from lunch, or when Claudine is practicing with Rei so her wife won't miss her too much. If she really has to, she will sometimes venture out at night while Claudine is asleep.
And in between all of the activities they partake in around the estate, the couple continue sharing more private moments behind closed doors.
Whenever Claudine bathes, Maya is there to wash her back for her, during which time they always talk more about the day's lessons.
Though Maya knows she doesn't need help with the little things, such as locating her headband on the mantle or a certain bottle in the bathroom, she still makes the offers anyway.
And little by little, Claudine begins to let her help - not because she needs it, but because she wants to let Maya assist her.
Their evenings consist of Maya reading poems and literature to Claudine until she falls asleep...
After a little over a week's worth of lessons and lectures, Maya decides on a different activity for today.
This morning, after the usual math and history lessons, Maya takes her wife outside. The smells and sounds indicate right away where they are headed.
"The stables?" Claudine asks.
"Indeed. Please humor me this afternoon."
"You're such a strange man…"
Maya has Claudine wait at the stable entrance while she herself goes in to fetch one of her horses. Maya chooses the calmest of the bunch, a white dappled stallion with gray flecks. She leads him out and saddles him before bringing him to her wife.
Claudine smiles and reaches out to find the horse's muzzle. The stallion remains perfectly still as she touches him.
"And who might this be?" Claudine wonders.
"His name is Hiro," Maya informs her. "If you can imagine it, he's all white with gray speckles along his back. He's very well-behaved."
"I can tell." Claudine reaches up to scratch the horse's ears. He lowers his head and bumps her chest very gently in greeting. Maya watches the two of them interact for a moment before she gets to the heart of the matter.
"Now then, I presume you've guessed that I haven't brought you here just so you can pet him."
Claudine pauses in her patting of the stallion's neck.
"You can't be serious. You want to have a blind girl ride a horse?"
"Not just any blind girl, and not just any horse. My strong, capable wife, and my most-trusted steed. But you didn't honestly think I would be letting you ride alone, did you?"
Claudine turns her head from the horse to Maya and back again. Just looking at how massive the animal is in comparison to her petite wife reminds Maya how intimidating this probably is for her.
"Of course, it is only an offer. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't pay it any mind. I can put him back and we can continue our walk."
"No…" Claudine tapers off for a moment as she continues petting Hiro's neck. "I want to… I'm just…"
Maya softens her voice.
"It's only natural to be a little scared. I shall be right there with you. I promise. I trust Hiro, and I can guarantee that nothing bad will happen."
Claudine ponders for a moment, and Maya gives her as much time as she needs. Finally, Claudine puts on a familiar determined face.
"All right. Let's do it."
"Splendid!" Maya claps, then takes her wife by the hand. "Here, lean against him for a moment. I shall help you find the stirrup." Maya crouches down as Claudine lifts one of her shoes, which Maya then directs to the stirrup and ensures it's secure. She stands back up and keeps one hand on Claudine's back and the other on her hip. "Take it slow. He won't move. Let me know when you're ready."
Claudine nods. Maya can feel her shaking just a little bit.
Claudine gives an experimental little push to try and gauge how high up the saddle is, but when she comes back down she yelps at the sensation of falling. Maya is right there to catch her, holding her up and keeping her steady.
"Sorry…"
"It's quite alright. There is no need to rush."
Claudine breathes in deeply, then exhales.
"Okay. I'm ready."
"Go right ahead."
Claudine pushes up again, this time with more force. Maya is quick to adjust her hold on her and helps push her up into the saddle. She'd predicted that Claudine might sway at the unfamiliar balancing of her weight, so when that does end up happening Maya is already grabbing hold of her arm, having her brace it against Hiro's neck. A second later, Claudine is safely up in the saddle, with both her legs hanging off to one side. Maya keeps both hands on her just to be safe.
"Are you alright?"
"Y…Yes."
"Hold onto him," Maya directs her. "I'm coming up behind you."
She waits for Claudine to lean forward and hold onto the stallion's neck. At that point, Maya steps into the stirrup and pushes up, expertly tossing her leg over the other side of the saddle in one swift movement. At the same time, she places her hands around Claudine and cradles her securely against her chest while gripping the reins. Claudine makes a small yelp of surprise until she realizes she isn't falling off.
"I've got you," Maya assures her. "You're perfectly safe."
With her chest-wraps, undershirt, and suit in the way, as well as the layers of Claudine's dress, Maya isn't concerned about holding her so closely against her chest. But she can still feel her shaking a little, and can't say for certain if Claudine is comfortable with this.
Maya can't imagine what it must be like for her. She'd never seen or ridden a horse before. This was probably the first time Claudine has ever failed to have both of her feet on solid ground.
Maya remains still for a few minutes, letting her adjust. Hiro doesn't budge either.
"It's alright," Maya reminds her. "I've got you, Claudine."
Claudine swallows, but gives a tiny nod before leaning fully back against her. Maya hugs her with one arm around her stomach and holds the reins with the other. She can feel Claudine's heart pounding, and her hands have found a white-knuckled grip on the saddle. Maya wonders if it's too much for her after all.
"Would you like to stop here for today? Please don't push yourself too hard."
"I can do this," Claudine exhales. "I want to do this."
"We have plenty of time."
"I want to do it today."
"I see."
It takes her another minute, but Claudine finally stops shaking. Maya can also feel that her pulse has settled down.
"Okay," Claudine says. "I'm ready."
"Very well. But if at any time you would like to stop, just say the word."
Maya starts by clicking her tongue and giving the stallion a light nudge with her heel. He starts to walk at a leisurely pace. The moment they start moving, Claudine yelps again, but it's more excited than scared this time.
"We're moving!"
"That is what horses tend to do best."
Even without Maya steering him, Hiro knows to follow the pathways and more or less walks them on his own, which allows Maya to focus entirely on her wife.
Claudine already can't keep the smile off her face. The breeze caresses her face and hair as she focuses on the sensation of being moved by a horse directly, without a carriage in between. Maya wishes she could point out certain things, like some beautiful distant trees and the view of the sparkling pond from this height. But Claudine seems to be enjoying the ride well enough just as she is.
Maya keeps her close, and though she can still feel Claudine's heart pounding, she's glad to know it is no longer out of nervousness. Rather, she is absolutely thrilled.
Throughout the walk, Claudine keeps making little noises and gasps of delight as they move. A simple slow walk on horseback is something every other noble finds quite mundane. But to Claudine, it's the most exciting thing in the world.
Maya directs the horse down several other paths, just to extend their ride a while longer. It's about an hour before they make it back to the stables and Maya brings Hiro to a halt. Now that they've gone still, Claudine knows it's at an end.
"It's over?" She asks this so innocently, and with such dejection in her voice that it makes Maya's heart ache.
"I promise you we can do this again every day from now on if you'd like."
Claudine must realize she'd sounded a bit selfish just now, because she quickly recomposes herself.
"Sorry. It was just so… incredible. I don't mean to sound ungrateful."
"Not at all."
Claudine reaches out to pet the stallion's neck.
"Thank you, Hiro. I had a wonderful time. You go enjoy your dinner."
Maya slips her boots from the stirrups as she readies herself to descend. But first, she has Claudine hold onto Hiro's neck once more.
"Don't move just yet. I'll get off first and help you down."
Maya jumps down, then gets as close to Claudine as possible. She reaches up to circle both arms around her waist.
"Go slowly. It will feel a little strange touching solid ground again. I don't want you to fall."
Once Claudine feels Maya's arms around her, she releases the horse and feels around until she has a good hold on Maya's shoulders.
"Ready?"
"Yes."
Claudine slips out of the saddle, and Maya makes sure to tighten her hold on her as her shoes touch the ground. Claudine wobbles a little bit, but Maya keeps her steady and doesn't let her sway.
"Whoa… I've almost forgotten how to stand."
"That's normal after your first time riding. I do hope you enjoyed yourself, though."
"Immensely!" Claudine beams. "I loved it."
"I'm very glad to hear it."
Maya takes advantage of this position - of the excuse to hug her close - for just a moment longer than she knows is necessary before letting her go. She brings Claudine to the entrance again to collect her cane, then brings the stallion back to his pen to free him of the reins and saddle. One of the stablehands had been waiting to give Hiro his dinner. Maya leaves the animal in his care as she goes back to retrieve her wife.
Claudine is still bubbly with delight, so much so that she reaches out for Maya this time, instead of the other way around.
"It was so much fun," she sighs. "But I think I'd like to bathe now."
Maya chuckles.
"I completely understand."
And so they fall into their usual routine, of Claudine settling into the tub while Maya washes her back for her. When Maya is finished with her own bath, she steps into the bedroom to find Claudine already fast asleep in bed, without even needing her usual bedtime poetry.
Maya opts to skip dinner as well and join her wife in an early night's sleep.
A few more days pass by, each one sprinkled with a mixture of horseback rides, lectures, and lessons. But this morning, Maya decides it's about time she take Claudine off the property for the first time.
As Claudine is finishing brushing her hair this morning, Maya makes the proposal.
"Claudine? Would you care to accompany me into town today?"
Had she asked this any sooner, she feared Claudine might've lacked the confidence to be seen publicly with Maya. But now that she's had plenty of time and lessons about how to hold and present herself as a nobleman's wife, she agrees.
"I'll come. What do we need to do?"
Maya picks up her headband and holds it out for her wife to take once she's finished brushing.
"Nothing boring, I promise. I won't have to return to my work for a little while yet. No, I'd simply like to do something fun."
"Fun? How do you mean?"
"Accompany me and you'll find out."
Claudine rolls her eyes as she takes her headband and slips it into place.
"All right then, you insufferable man."
They head to breakfast, and then get situated in a carriage Maya had requested. A few servants sit up front with the driver. Claudine must hear them all talking, because as they start moving, she turns to Maya curiously.
"Are they all coming with us?"
Maya tries to answer this and explain as tactfully as possible.
"Yes. You see, as the heir to the Tendo family name, not everyone in town is exactly a fan of me. Pit-pockets are quite daring as well. Certain servants accompany us as a means of security." She watches Claudine stiffen up and become nervous. Right away Maya touches her hand for reassurance. "But those are very rare instances. Nothing like that has happened in years, and even in the past they've never actually succeeded. Please don't concern yourself. No one will lay a hand on you. I'll make absolutely certain of it."
Claudine relaxes just a little, turning her hand over to touch Maya's.
"Idiot," she mumbles. "It's not just me I'm worried about…"
Maya is flattered by her concern. But being pit-pocketed is honestly the least of Maya's worries. She'd requested a few extra guards to come with them today since Claudine is with her for the first time.
Her greatest fear is that Claudine will be targeted. Not only is she now the wife of one of the richest nobles in the empire, but she's also blind, and most of the public is aware of this news by now. Maya herself is sure to be on high alert today.
Before long, the carriage rolls to a stop. Maya helps her wife out as the servants disperse into the crowd to keep an eye on things. Right away, Maya hears the gasps and murmurs sweeping through the crowd.
"It's Tendo-sama!"
"Is that his wife?!"
"She's gorgeous!"
"Isn't she blind though?"
Claudine tilts her head to Maya unamusedly.
"Blind. Not deaf."
Maya laughs.
"Come along then. I've got a few places I wish to take you to."
Maya offers out her arm, and she's relieved when Claudine moves in close to stay at her side. She wraps her arm loosely around the small of Claudine's back, both to guide her and to keep her safe.
They set out around the bustling marketplace, going slowly as Claudine navigates with her cane wherever Maya directs them. All the while, Maya consistently catches her guards' eyes to ensure there is no mischief happening.
Judging by Claudine's wondrous reaction, Maya can assume she'd never been into town before. There were lots of sounds and smells to take in, so Maya makes sure to take note of her condition and make sure she doesn't get overwhelmed.
First, Maya brings her to a high-end clothing shop.
"We're here," she says. "Please don't hold back. Choose anything your heart desires."
Claudine reaches out to touch some of the clothes, immediately able to tell how expensive they are based on the materials.
"Th-This is!" She quickly shakes her head. "Maya-sama, I assure you I'm perfectly fine with what I have. I don't need-"
"We've been through this before, Claudine. Perhaps you don't need any more. But isn't there anything you want?"
"I…" Claudine whimpers. Her eyes fill with what seems to be a mixture of excitement and guilt. Maya smiles, scooping her closer by the waist before leading her forward.
"Go right ahead. Money is no obstacle. Please choose whatever you'd like and don't hold back. You are my wife. Consider it my treat for putting up with me."
At this, Claudine cracks a small laugh.
"Well then… If you insist."
Maya leads her around the store as Claudine feels each dress and article. She asks Maya what colors they are, and if she thinks Claudine would look good in them. Maya always answers that question in the affirmative, no matter what color or article it is. Which isn't really helpful to Claudine's decision, but as long as Maya would enjoy it, she doesn't care about anything else.
After a little while, Claudine has chosen a few dresses. Maya encourages her to try them each on. Though she blushes madly while doing so, Claudine puts them on and lets Maya see her in them, hoping she will choose a few and narrow down the selection. But in the end, Maya buys them all for her.
Claudine is delighted and embarrassed, which is telling to the fact that she's never been brought shopping before in all her life.
The servants take their things back to the carriage as Maya and Claudine continue their exploration of town.
Maya encourages Claudine to buy anything she likes, including soaps, oils, candles, decorations, pillows - anything. Rather than knick-knacks she can see, Claudine mostly chooses other things that rely on scent and touch. Maya also treats her to an expensive lunch.
After a little more shopping for non-essentials, Maya eventually brings Claudine into a jewelry store.
"Please, choose anything you'd like. But I do have just one requirement this time."
"Requirement?"
Maya takes Claudine's left hand and gently glides her fingers over her bare ring finger.
"We have been married for several weeks now, and we have yet to procure our rings."
Claudine's face turns red. She clearly hadn't even considered that. She gives a determined nod.
"Right. Can you help me?"
"Of course."
They go to the shop owner, and he allows them to try on various rings. Maya describes the diamonds of each one to Claudine as she feels them. And every time Claudine asks her.
"How much is it?"
And every time, Maya responds.
"Please don't worry about it."
Maya does encourage her to choose a blue gem though, since she knows it is Claudine's favorite color.
"But I can't even see it," Claudine says. "I'd rather have something you think looks good on me."
"I think they all look good on you."
"Right. I forgot you're completely unhelpful with that." Claudine heaves a good-natured sigh before re-trying a few rings.
At last she decides upon a beautiful sapphire ring. Maya chooses rose quartz for her own.
She makes the purchase, and Maya keeps the small velvet box securely in her inner coat pocket. She offers to buy any other jewelry or accessories Claudine might want, but her wife politely declines, reasoning that if she lost anything so small she'd never be able to find it.
They enjoy the walk back to the carriage and soon return home, where the maids unpack and arrange all of Claudine's new clothes for her. Maya had bought a few new suits and boots for herself as well, but the main mission of spoiling Claudine had been a major success.
They have dinner, and then Maya brings Claudine out to the gardens for an evening walk. She pauses by the fountains, trying to create the best scene possible for Claudine.
Even though she cannot see the beautiful warm golden color of the sunset as it spreads through the gardens, she can still feel its warmth on her face, hear the trickling of the water, and smell the aroma of the flowers. Maya takes both of her wife's hands and slowly lowers herself down onto one knee, making sure Claudine can feel what she is doing.
"I apologize for never doing this properly from the beginning," she says. "But Saijou Claudine, will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"
Maya speaks every word in earnest. None of this had been Claudine's genuine choice to start out. But Maya has felt only the truest affections for her.
As she kneels there before her, waiting, Maya's heart pounds and backflips with nervousness, and her hands begin to shake. Claudine's eyes wander downward to find hers exactly, as if she really could see her. She gives a small laugh, which turns into a sob.
"Idiot. We're already married."
Maya chuckles, dipping her face into her shoulder to clear her own tears away.
"Perhaps. But I would still like to know your answer."
Maya feels a firm, reassuring grip on her hands.
"Yes." Claudine's voice is clear and unhindered. "I will be your wife, Tendo Maya-sama."
Maya sobs again, and this time she can't stop the tears before they fall into the grass.
She stays there for a moment, crying softly while Claudine holds her hands. Maya draws strength from her, until she's able to retrieve the box and take out the sapphire ring. She cradles Claudine's left hand and gently slips the ring into place.
Claudine smiles, and Maya doesn't miss a few tears running down her face as well.
Claudine opens her right hand and gives Maya a nudge. Maya takes out her own ring and gives it to her wife. With a slight tug, Claudine helps her stand up again. She weaves her fingers through Maya's until she can discern her left ring finger, then places the ring on for her.
Maya sobs louder this time. She almost asks to kiss Claudine right then and there. But she holds the question back for fear of scaring her. Instead, Maya simply tightens her grip on Claudine's hands, cupping them with a gentle fervor, hoping she'll never have to let go…
A few moments later, she feels Claudine gingerly slipping one hand free. She taps at Maya's shoulder, then slides down until she finds the pocket where her handkerchief resides. Claudine pulls it out and carefully reaches forward. She touches Maya's face with such care and gentleness that it only makes her want to cry harder.
Maya sniffles, leaning into her hand as Claudine softly pats the tears away. Maya whimpers affectionately, reaching up to cover Claudine's hand with hers, sighing into the smooth skin of her wrist.
For a moment, they stay like this, neither speaking nor moving.
When at last Maya has composed herself, she takes the handkerchief from her wife and turns it to a clean corner before wiping Claudine's face as well. With this, they make their way back inside.
There, in the privacy of their bedroom, they dance. Neither of them had said a word, or really initiated at all, but somehow they're both able to read each other perfectly.
They dance around the room, with Maya taking the lead. She nearly forgets altogether that Claudine can't see, because she keeps up so well. She moves with such beauty, such elegance, such poise.
They dance until their feet ache, at which point Maya finishes the number by spinning her once, then catching her in a dip. It leaves both of them panting and flushed, and again Maya has to resist the urge to kiss her.
They bathe as per usual, then Maya chooses a book of poetry and selects a verse. Typically, Claudine would lie down and fall asleep to the sound of Maya's reading. But tonight, she tries to sit up for as long as possible, and ends up slouching and falling asleep on Maya's shoulder for the first time.
Maya moves with meticulous slowness as she closes the book and puts it away. She savors this moment with Claudine pressed close to her, her hands limply curled at Maya's hip.
Maya has held back all this time. She can't stop herself anymore.
Tilting her head slightly, she presses the softest kiss onto the side of Claudine's head, into the wavy curls of her hair. Claudine doesn't stir.
A short while later, Maya lies her down and turns out the light. Maya lies down as well, still not touching her and keeping a distance between them. But she moves just an inch closer tonight and lets sleep take her.
Before much longer, Maya knows that their honeymoon weeks, so to speak, will be ending soon. Meaning that Maya will need to return to her usual work and responsibilities as a nobleman. Paperwork, meetings, stress... Not to mention the one personal matter she has been sneaking away to look into as often as she could…
She doesn't want to think about it just yet. She still has a few days left, after all. She decides to make every last second worth it.
So after their morning lessons and their afternoon horseback ride, Maya makes an offer to her wife.
"Claudine, would you like to accompany me to a festival this evening?"
"A festival?" Claudine had obviously never been to one before. "Are you sure? You know I'm not at my most elegant when I'm in a crowd."
"I don't mind. So long as you can enjoy yourself, it will be worth it."
"Even though I won't be able to see any of the attractions or play any of the games?"
"You can leave all of that to me. All you need to worry about is enjoying all of the delicious food I'm going to buy you."
Claudine has no qualms about that.
So they get changed into more festive clothing before Maya arranges a carriage. Rei accompanies them this time, along with several other staff to keep an eye on things.
When they arrive in town for the festivities, Maya keeps Claudine close to her side. There are all sorts of booths and stands and attractions and games. It's only for those who can pay for them, of course, so the crowd mostly consists of other well-dressed nobility.
A lot of people recognize Maya and start conversations as she introduces Claudine to them. But she can tell right away that her wife isn't having fun with any of that, so Maya brings her to the real fun.
They buy some snacks to start, then go to observe some attractions; a man who swallows a sword that's on fire, a pair of women who perform outstanding tricks, a magician who makes objects appear in random audience members' pockets. Maya describes everything to Claudine as it happens so she may enjoy it to the best of her abilities.
They wander around and indulge in more food for an hour or so, at which point Maya decides to try her hand at one of the games.
"Would you mind if I played?" she inquires.
"What game is it?" Claudine wonders.
"Archery. I'll have you know I'm quite skilled."
"Of course you are. Is there anything the incredible Maya-sama can't do?"
Maya pays the booth owner for a round and is given a bow and a quiver full of arrows. Only now does she realize her true obstacle.
"Claudine, please stay right here. I will be just a few yards in front of you. Should anyone touch or harass you, just say the word and I'll put an arrow through their shin."
"I'll be fine." Claudine waves her off. "Go!"
Just to be certain, Maya catches Rei's eye in the crowd from afar to ensure everything is under control.
Maya takes her stance in front of her target along with the other archers and waits for the command to begin firing. She ends up hitting the bullseye with all ten of her arrows, some of which split into the others because of her accuracy. Her prize is a free full-course meal coupon to any one of selected locations. Maya accepts the officially-signed coupon and tucks it into her pocket, then heads over to her wife.
As she walks over, she notices how on-edge Claudine appears to be. Though no one would assume she was blind just by looking at her standing still, the cane was a dead giveaway.
"Claudine."
The instant Maya calls out to her, Claudine turns in her direction and shuffles forward, reaching out expectantly for her arm. Maya gives it to her and draws her close.
"Finally," Claudine mumbles.
Maya tilts her head.
"Is everything all right?"
"Yes. I just… didn't like being alone…"
Maya's heart twinges and swells. It's truly a miracle that she's managed to refrain from kissing her outright thus far.
"My apologies. I won't leave you again."
"Did you win?"
"Indeed I did."
"Of course…"
From then on, Maya only plays games where she can have Claudine stay right beside her, such as games of luck or raffles.
While she is exceptionally good when it comes to physical and mental skills, where Maya falls short is in games of chance. She doesn't win a single wheel spin or raffle, but being that those are the only sort of games Claudine can participate in, Maya brings her to every single one of them.
And she does end up winning a prize at one of them. Maya helps her narrow down the selection of prizes, since most of them are jewelry pieces and other accessories Claudine had no use for. But there are several luxury pillows on display as well. Maya requests the booth owner bring them all over so Claudine may feel which one she likes the best. She chooses the one that is softest to her, a plush pink pillow, and Maya congratulates her on her victory.
They wander around for a few more hours, playing games and eating until sunset.
At that point, Claudine jolts at an unexpectedly loud and sudden boom. But the laughter and sounds of delight from those around them tell her all is well.
A radiant fireworks display takes place above them in the night sky. Sprinkles of colors dazzle the eyes of the onlookers. All but one.
Claudine clings to Maya's arm, jumping with surprise every time one explodes. Since she can't see the trails, she never knows when they are about to go off. Maya takes to giving her a bit of a warning - a squeeze of her hand - before each one so she won't be spooked.
Like the others in the crowd, Claudine gazes upward at the sky. And though she doesn't say it, there is the tiniest hint of regret in her eyes. She wishes she could see the fireworks, too.
Maya almost feels wrong to be enjoying them without her.
So after only a few minutes, she gently leads Claudine out of the crowd. Maya brings them back to the carriage, and they return home to bathe and get ready for bed.
That night, Claudine hugs her big pink pillow to her chest as she lies down in bed. And then, she makes a timid offer.
"You can hold it too, if you'd like."
At first, Maya doesn't understand.
"But how am I to hold it if you are-?"
Claudine gives a huff.
"Idiot."
Then Maya understands.
"Oh. I see. Th-Thank you very much."
Since Claudine had granted her permission to do so, Maya inches closer to her on the mattress. She lightly reaches out and puts her arms around the pillow, hugging one side while Claudine hugs the other. Their arms brush together here or there, and it's the closest they've ever really been at night. Claudine's eyes are already closed, but her cheeks are still pink.
"Goodnight, Maya-sama…"
Maya gives a tiny smile and closes her eyes as well.
"Goodnight, Claudine."
If only such wonderful days could've lasted just a bit longer…
Just a few days later, Maya has no choice but to return to her usual duties. She makes Claudine aware of this one afternoon as they sit on a bench in the gardens.
"Your duties?" Claudine asks. "I mean, of course I know you have plenty of responsibilities. But what are they? How much time of the day will they take up?"
Maya bows her head sadly, rubbing her thumb slowly over the back of her wife's hand.
"I have several business ventures to oversee, and a lot of meetings to attend. I'm afraid they've only piled up since I chose to put them off in favor of spending time with you. I have loads of paperwork as well… I'm sorry to say my work will consume me for most hours of the day from now on."
She can almost hear Claudine's heart sink.
"Oh… The whole day, you think?"
Maya nods.
"That is why I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible when we were first married. That was the only acceptable occasion to take some time off. Of course, you will still be able to take your usual lessons just as you have been doing. It will just have to be with the scholars and not me."
"Right… You'd mentioned that right from the start." She sighs, looking more dejected than Maya has ever seen her since she'd come to live here. "I understand you have very important responsibilities." Here, she gives Maya's hand a squeeze and lets her hazy pink eyes search Maya's face. "But… I'll still miss you."
Maya almost starts to cry.
"Please rest assured that I will still make time to be with you as often as possible! I will still dine with you at supper and wash your back for you at night."
"That's more than enough for me." She says as much, but Claudine still sounds a little sad. "And besides, once you've caught up with your current workload, it should thin out again, right?"
"Yes, exactly. So I must ask that you please bear with it for a while."
"I'll survive." Claudine smiles a bit more honestly now. "You've been such a kind husband to me. The least I can do now is be a good wife."
"You already are," Maya assures her. "The best wife anyone ever could have asked for."
"Flatterer," she chuckles. "Thank you for telling me. We'll figure it out one way or another."
Maya is filled with a surge of relief. The last thing she wanted was for her sudden absence to make Claudine upset. It's reassuring to know that she understands Maya's situation.
And so they enjoy their last free afternoon together, dancing and eating and bathing together before Maya reads her to sleep.
The next morning, Maya is in a different headspace. She's never dreaded working as much as she does now that she has a beautiful wife whom she'll have to miss while doing it. She gets up and gets dressed earlier than usual. Claudine wakes just as she is about to leave.
"Maya-sama? Where will you be today?"
"In my father's office, most likely."
"May I come visit you?"
"I would love nothing more."
Claudine must recall some of the speech etiquette Rei had taught her, because she says the line typical of any wife who is seeing her husband off to work.
"Have a good day, Maya-sama." She then adds her own piece to it. "Please don't push yourself."
Immediately, all of Maya's discontent is washed away. Instead, she's filled with vigor, fueled to complete her work so she can have as much free time as possible to spend with her wonderful wife.
"I shall. You do the same, Claudine. Ask Rei or any of the staff if you need help. And if anything happens - anything at all - don't ever hesitate to call for me."
"I'll be fine," she says. "Now go, do your important nobleman work."
"I shall see you later, Claudine."
As much as it pains her, Maya closes the door behind herself and leaves Claudine. She eats a good breakfast, then heads to her father's office right away to get started.
All morning, Maya focuses seriously, getting back into the flow of her workload. She reads through files, writes letters, arranges meetings, and so on. There are several people here waiting to meet with her today and discuss various topics, so Maya holds all of those meetings back to back. She doesn't even realize how hungry she is until the last person has left with her father well into the afternoon.
That's when a soft knock comes at the door. Maya knows there isn't one last surprise meeting. She recognizes that knock, and her whole chest suddenly feels fuzzy and warm.
"Come in."
Claudine enters, holding a tray of snacks and a cup of tea. Maya is only delighted to see her for a second before she grows concerned.
"Claudine!" Maya hurries over to carefully take the tray from her. "The maids can do this. You could've burned yourself."
"But I didn't," she reasons. "And I didn't want the maids to do this. I wanted to do it. I know for a fact you probably haven't eaten since breakfast. Am I wrong?"
Maya bows her head.
"No. You're absolutely right."
"Idiot. There's no point in working so hard that you just make yourself sick. Sit down and let's eat."
They take a seat at one of the meeting tables. Maya's stomach growls loudly, and Claudine chides her.
"Don't you know that a glutton like yourself needs constant fuel or else you'll keel over?" She then surprises Maya by picking up the fork herself and catching a piece of melon on it. "Here. I want to know for myself that you've eaten every last piece."
Maya is happily surprised by this development. Claudine had never offered to feed her before, probably because there were always staff around. But here in her father's empty office, it's just the two of them.
Maya fidgets in her seat a bit awkwardly.
"Thank you…" Leaning forward, she bites the fruit from the fork and chews, drinking down the sweet flavors before swallowing. Claudine huffs with approval before feeding her the next piece.
Maya almost feels as though she's dreaming. Her beautiful wife, sitting before her, feeding her after a long hard day's work… It's almost too good to be true.
Maya eats slowly, savoring this scene as much as the food itself. When the tray is clear and her tea cup is empty, only then does Claudine seem satisfied.
"Good. Are you done for today then?"
"I have a few more things to do."
"Then I'll wait outside until you're finished."
Maya doesn't argue. She makes sure to finish her paperwork thoroughly so there won't be any mistakes to fix tomorrow.
When she's finally finished, she meets her wife out in the hallway. Claudine brings her on a relaxing stroll through the gardens to help her wind down from the workday. They visit and pet the horses, then dance in the parlor together before supper.
And this time, after Maya has finished washing Claudine's back for her, she takes the risk of letting Claudine wash hers too.
And it feels heavenly. To be surrounded by the warm scented water with her towel still carefully wrapped and covering her front, she has to hold back a few relieved moans at the feeling of Claudine's gentle hands scrubbing her back. She even washes Maya's hair for her.
These are all things Claudine had always been willing to do, but Maya had never let her until now for fear of her secret being revealed. But at this point, she doesn't truly think Claudine would be able to tell she was a woman just by touching her back or hair. Maya has to dunk her head under the water to stifle a few sobs of sheer bliss.
When they've both finished washing themselves and each other, the two of them get changed. In return for Maya finally accepting her offer to wash her back for her, Claudine accepts Maya's offer to dry and brush her hair.
Claudine always did these things herself until today. But since Maya had opted to trust her a bit more, Claudine decides she can do the same.
Maya pats her wife's hair dry with a towel for several minutes until it is only a little damp. She makes sure not to be too rough, and constantly asks Claudine if she's in any pain.
"How about now?"
"No."
"And this?"
"You're fine."
"Are you sure."
"Yes!"
Maya then proceeds to brush her hair for her, starting at the ends and making absolutely certain that it's perfectly smoothed before inching upward.
"Does it hurt?"
"If you ask me one more time I'm pushing you back in the tub."
Maya is painstakingly gentle with her task. When she ends up snapping a strand, she yelps in apology.
"I'm terribly sorry."
"Calm down," Claudine tells her. "Your hair is longer than mine. You should know just how many come out when we brush."
"You're right."
"You know, I'm letting you do this because I hoped you would enjoy it. Don't be so uptight, or I can't enjoy it either."
Maya hadn't considered that before. So as she continues, she does so with a bit more confidence, fuller, more even strokes than the short, jerky movements. She notices a change in her wife right away. Claudine exhales a long sigh and relaxes, leaning back against her hands a little. Maya feels immensely better to know Claudine is at ease. She continues brushing through her hair, even long after it's completely void of any tangles.
"Thank you for letting me do this for you, Claudine. Perhaps I can-" Maya had been putting the brush aside on the sink when all of a sudden, she glimpses Claudine falling back off the stool. Maya quickly lunges forward to catch her.
"Claudine? Claudine-?" Her initial fear is that Claudine had stayed in the haze of the heated bathroom for too long and passed out. But upon glimpsing her face and feeling her forehead… Maya can tell it's not that at all. She'd simply fallen asleep.
She must have been worried about me doing my work today… She tired herself out in trying to look after me.
Maya thanks the universe that she'd managed to catch her sleeping wife just now.
With that established, Maya carefully scoops Claudine up into her arms and carries her back to bed. Even as she lies her down and pulls the blankets up over her, Claudine remains deeply asleep.
Maya turns off the lights, then places the pink pillow between them before joining her. She watches Claudine just for a moment, making sure her breathing is normal and confirming she's just asleep, and not feverish or distressed.
Once Maya is certain that she's alright, she succumbs as well.
In hindsight, returning to her work isn't as bad as Maya had anticipated. Not when her lovely wife was always waiting to surprise her at some part of her day, either to feed her, or take her for a relaxing walk, or to recite a poem she'd memorized, or to lead her into an impromptu dance.
And they still find the time to go into town, or go horseback riding, or relax and read and dance together in the afternoons or evenings. And through it all, Maya still finds time to slip away every now and then to look into her own personal project.
Her life with Claudine doesn't falter one bit like she feared it might have. In fact, the hours they spend apart in the respective meetings or lessons only make them all the more eager to be with each other after.
Claudine inquires about her day just as Maya asks about hers. They exchange what they'd learned or accomplished that day, and then enjoy their free time together.
And Claudine isn't shy anymore about wanting to care for Maya in return.
One day, the day before a particularly long and important meeting, Maya feels frazzled in completeing her paperwork. She makes silly errors and curses herself before apologizing to her father and redoing things. She spends the entire morning this way, nervous about tomorrow's meeting. When Claudine comes to find her for lunch, Maya does her best to act normal.
"Ah, Claudine. Is it that time already?"
"Of course it is. You're a punctual man. Don't tell me you lost track of the time?"
"Not at all."
Claudine seems to study her for a moment. Instead of coming inside the office with the food, she changes her mind.
"Come with me. We're eating outside today."
"Pardon?"
"You heard me."
Maya sends a perplexed look at her father, who simply shrugs and waves her off. Maya hurries after Claudine to help her with the tray.
She follows her wife outside, where it's a beautiful warm spring day. Maya hadn't even noticed the fine weather today since she'd been cooped up in the office for hours and hours. As they walk through the gardens, Claudine remains quiet, so Maya decides to ask her first.
"What did you do this morning, Claudine?"
"I learned about the Great War. Then an extended science lecture about Japan's ecosystems." She pauses exactly at the bench beside the fountains. "I would ask about your day as well, but it's clear you've done nothing but worry yourself sick."
Maya stops beside her and bows her head.
"You're as sharp as ever…"
Claudine gives her an expectant yet gentle glare, then sits down.
"Let's hear it."
Maya sits beside her as Claudine feeds her bite by bite. Maya explains about the upcoming meeting, and how the topics that will be discussed are of the highest importance, so she just doesn't want to say the wrong thing.
"Are you kidding?" Claudine smiles. "You? Tendo Maya-sama, say the wrong thing? Impossible. You're the smoothest sweet-talker I know. You'll be fine. I know it." With the food and tea now finished, Claudine puts the tray down on the ground and pats her lap. "You already look exhausted and the meeting hasn't even happened yet. Rest for a moment, would you?"
Maya would be a damn fool if she refused the first ever opportunity her wife had offered her at a lap pillow. She swallows, admittedly a bit too excited.
"Then if you'll pardon me…"
She lies herself down sideways on the bench, resting her head in Claudine's lap.
It's so soft. Softer than the pillows of their bed. Right away, she can feel Claudine's fingers playing lightly though her hair, stroking soothing patterns down her shoulders and across her back.
"Rest," she murmurs. "Everything is going to be fine."
And then, she begins to sing.
Maya has danced with her many times in the past few months, and she's watched Claudine dance on her own a lot as well.
But it wasn't often she got to hear her sing. Sometimes she would overhear her wife humming as she tidied up their room or something like that. But Maya doesn't think she's actually heard her sing a full song since the day she'd first met her, back when Claudine had been treated as nothing more than entertainment for guests…
Maya wakes to the trickling of the fountain, the kiss of the breeze, and the scent of flowers. She opens her eyes, never realizing when she'd fallen asleep in the first place. She regrets to think she hadn't even made it until the end of Claudine's song.
Slowly, she pushes herself up, lifting her head and finding her face just inches from her wife's. Maya quickly straightens up.
"H-How long?"
"Were you asleep?" Claudine muses. "About half an hour. Don't worry, you've still got plenty of time to finish up today's work."
"Are your legs alright? They haven't gone numb, have they?"
"You may have a big head filled with hot air, but you're not that heavy."
Even so, Maya gets up first and helps Claudine after her. They take the tray back inside before Claudine sees her off.
That evening, she washes Maya's back and hair for her again, and instead of letting Maya read her to sleep, Claudine sings her to sleep instead.
And Maya wakes feeling entirely refreshed and ready for the day's meeting. She is energized and confident, and even more so when Claudine sees her off for the morning.
"Good luck. You'll be just fine. I promise." She gives Maya's hand a squeeze of reassurance. Maya reciprocates by lifting her wife's hand to her lips and pressing a brief kiss to the back of it.
"Thank you, Claudine."
And everything really does go perfectly. The meeting ends, and everyone involved is satisfied - Maya most of all. She finds Claudine in the parlor dancing and runs up to her in the middle of her number to pick her up and twirl her.
They have the rest of the afternoon free to themselves, where they ride Hiro around the property, this time at a trot since Claudine has gotten more comfortable lately.
Then it's dinner and baths as usual before Maya flops down into bed. Maya reads her a poem, and Claudine recites a bit of prose in return. They fall asleep together, and all is right with the world…
...
Until Maya finds herself in a dark, awful place.
She doesn't know where it is, but it's cold. She can hear Claudine crying, but she can't see her.
"Claudine-?"
She calls out for her. But the response isn't scared like Maya had feared. It's worse.
It's disgusted. Vehement. Full of hatred.
"You lied to me!" she shrieks. "Don't ever come near me again…"
Maya wakes with a heavy gasp and feels tears in her eyes.
Surely… Claudine would never find out her secret… But if she did, would she truly be repulsed by Maya…?
She won't take the risk.
Maya must make enough sound and movement to rouse Claudine, who is sitting up in an instant.
"Maya-sama…? What's wrong?" There's frustration in her voice since she can't see for herself what's happening. Maya shies away.
"It's nothing. Just a nightmare. I'm sorry for waking you."
"Nonsense. Your nightmares are worse than mine. Mine are just sounds and smells. I can't even imagine what you see in yours." She makes an expression of contemplation, then seems to come to a decision. "Come here. Let me… Let me hold you."
Maya stiffens. She's wanted this more than anything. She's always wanted nothing more than to sidle up close to Claudine and embrace her as they drifted off to sleep together in the comfort of their bed.
But now… fearing Claudine might discover her secret and despise her for it…
I can't… I can't allow us to get so close. If she finds out I lied to her, she'll detest me…
She tries. Maya tries with all her might to find the words to refuse.
But then, Claudine's careful arms are reaching out to curl around her shoulders and bring her close.
Maya's head is cradled and brought to rest against the softness of her chest, where Claudine holds her gently. Warmth blossoms through Maya's chest as she picks up on the sound of her heartbeat. Maya has never heard such a thing before, never felt someone else's presence or warmth or softness like this…
She can't pull away, even if she wanted to.
She just cries, crumbling beneath the featherlight weight of Claudine's tender, cautious affection.
Maya can't help it. She curls into her, circling an arm across her wife's stomach as she weeps.
It could all end right now. If Claudine moved a certain way or felt for herself what Maya's body was truly like, she could thrust her away and demand to void this marriage altogether.
Maya hopes that wouldn't ever happen. But she just doesn't know if the idea of her being a woman might disgust Claudine.
It's late at night. Maya is too scared and stressed to think as clearly as she might've at morning's light. All she can do is cry and cling to her - praying.
"Please… don't hate me… Please don't leave me…"
Claudine hugs her a bit closer.
"He doesn't. Your father doesn't hate you or blame you for what happened to your sister and mother. And they haven't left you. I'm sure they're still with you."
Maya chokes on another sob when she hears what Claudine thinks is tormenting her. Maya doesn't tell her how wrong she is.
"I wish…" Claudine breathes the words, and Maya can feel the vibrations of them in her chest. "I never really wished I could see before. I never thought I needed to. But… I wish I could see now. I wish I could see you, Maya-sama…" She chuckles a little. "All I know is that you're quite wonderful. Someone who is slender yet strong, who is good at everything to the point where you're annoying. Someone who speaks so formally, and yet can cry so easily… I wish I could see you…" There is a hint of regret in her voice, but ultimately she just hugs Maya a bit closer. "But just this much is fine. I don't need to see you to know how I feel about you, Maya-sama."
Maya stays quiet as her sobs eventually taper off. When it's all over, and she's able to, Maya makes one small request.
"Maya," she whispers. "Please… call me Maya."
She hears Claudine's heart rate begin to increase. Maya feels her draw in a deep breath, then breathe out.
"Maya…"
Her heart continues to flutter and backflip. In spite of everything plaguing her, Maya smiles just a little.
"Thank you…"
"Idiot…"
The tears have finally stopped, but Claudine's heartbeat still remains. Maya listens as it gradually slows down from the excitement, then dares to press a little closer so she may listen better.
Saijou Claudine is beautiful, inside and out.
Maya's greatest fear isn't even to lose her, but that Claudine might end up hating her one day.
But at least for right now, Maya knows she doesn't hate her.
So she selfishly takes advantage of that and presses close to her, greedily savoring this blissful illusion she has created in order to deceive the person she cares about the most in this world.
A/N: After weeks and weeks of settling into their new lives together, Claudine understands she is safe and free. And she finally comes to begin trusting Maya, opening up to her, and is willing to touch her.
But just as this happens, the stresses of Maya's work reawaken her original fears of losing Claudine if she ever found out her secret and that Maya lied to her all this time... Just as Claudine is opening up to her, Maya wants to shut down. Is there a way for this to resolve happily...?
Please review!