A/N: Gee, now I'm using Heart songs on other albums, not just Brigade. This one comes from "Desire Walks On."
Heart
Chapter 4: In Walks the Night
"Am I interrupting anything?"
Dammit. "Dalton? What are you doing here?"
Dalton looked vaguely affronted. "Visiting my girlfriend." Mac caught his subtle emphasis on 'my' and inwardly rolled her eyes. She hated when any man acted possessive of her, even one she cared about as much as she did Dalton.
"But maybe I came at a bad time." He looked pointedly at Harm, who still had his arm wrapped loosely around Mac's shoulders.
"Uh, no. I was, ah, just leaving." He dropped his arm and slowly drew away from Mac.
Dalton eyed Harm for a tense second, then held out his hand. "Dalton Lowne."
"Harmon Rabb." He grasped Dalton's proffered hand with an obviously and likely excessively firm grip.
"Ah, the father," Dalton said as he ended the handshake.
"Yeah," Harm nodded.
The three of them stood awkwardly by the still open door until Mac decided to take charge. "Well, come in Dalton, and yes, this is Eden's father. Harm, this is Dalton Lowne," she said unnecessarily.
"Of Lowe, Duffy, and Lowne," Dalton added, also unnecessarily.
"So I've heard."
Well, this is awkward, Mac thought to herself. But then again, why? She was dating Dalton, not Harm. Dalton knew that. Harm knew that. Of course, both knew she had spent a passionate night with one of them, a night that resulted in a child.
"You must have had quite the two weeks," Dalton continued. "A new partner and a daughter."
"It's had its moments," Harm agreed, sounding wary.
"Looks like you were about to leave," Dalton mentioned casually, and Mac saw Harm's eyes widen ever so slightly. He took the hint, however, and turned to Mac.
"I'll see you at work tomorrow? Mac?"
Mac didn't hear Harm, so focused was she on glaring at Dalton. How dare he. He was practically kicking her child's father out of her home. Never mind that Harm had been in the process of leaving because she had rather forced it; it was not Dalton's place to send anyone out of her apartment.
"Dalton—"
"Mommy?"
At the sound of the little girl voice, all three adults glanced toward the hallway. Eden, clad in a Beauty and the Beast nighty, stood there, her eyes only half open. She was dragging her duckling blanket behind her, and her dark chestnut curls were in disarray from sleep.
Mac walked to her and knelt down before her. "What's the matter, Duckling?"
"I had a bad dream," she sniffled, rubbing her eyes with her tiny fist.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry." Mac picked her daughter up and walked back to the two men who still appeared to be sizing each other up.
"Hi, Edie." Dalton reached out his hand and tried to brush it over her hair, but Eden ducked and turned away.
"Not Edie!"
"I'm sorry, Duckling."
"No! Mommy's duckling!"
It appeared Eden was in a mood, and why shouldn't she be? She'd been awakened after only a couple hours of sleep and being as intuitive as she was, she likely was picking up on the tension in the room.
"Sorry, guys, I'd better get Miss Eden back to bed. Harm, I'll see you later. Dalton—"
"I don't mind waiting."
Of course, you don't, Mac groused to herself.
"Fine. Harm, thanks for coming over. I'll see you tomor—"
"Harm?" Eden lifted her head, apparently just realizing her father was still there.
"Hi, sweetheart." He stroked the little girl's cheek, and this time, Eden allowed the touch. In fact, she reached out to Harm, and Mac had no choice but to let her go to him. It was a sweet moment, watching Eden yawn and bury her face in Harm's neck.
"Hey, why don't you let me put her back to bed and then I'll leave you two alone."
"It looks like our little girl is already asleep," commented Dalton, but then Eden lifted her head and glared at her mother's boyfriend. The two generally got along, but it was already clear Eden preferred Harm.
"That would be great, Harm. Thanks." Harm nodded, and Mac watched him until he disappeared into the child's room.
"Ah, alone at last."
"I wasn't expecting you tonight, Dalton."
"Well, my meeting ended early, and I thought I'd stop by. I've missed you." He leaned down to give Mac a kiss, but she turned her head and the kiss landed haphazardly on her cheek.
"I've missed you too, but you know I like you to call before you come over. Katie's sick, and Eden always gets restless when somebody comes by after she's in bed."
"I know, I know, but I really wanted to see you. It's been six whole days, you know." He grinned, and this time, Mac allowed him to pull her toward him and kiss her, and she didn't stop him when he deepened the kiss.
"Hmmm," Mac sighed contentedly. Dalton was quite a good kisser, besides being handsome and dashing. He was rich too, not that that mattered to her, but he had gifted both her and Eden with some lovely baubles. She probably should talk to him about not spoiling her daughter. She didn't want it to get to the point that Eden expected something whenever Dalton came by.
"Can I stay?" Dalton whispered in her ear.
"I don't know. I have an early morning, and Eden's already been up once. I wouldn't be surprised if she woke up again."
"So, we'll put her back to bed or keep her in with us."
"Dalton—"
The sound of Harm clearing his throat caused her to pull away from her boyfriend.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Eden's out like a light again. She tried to fight it, but I sang her a song my grandmother taught me and she fell right back asleep." His lips curved into a slight smile, but he looked decidedly uncomfortable.
"That's okay, Harm. I appreciate it."
"Well, goodnight, then." He brushed a hand over her shoulder as he passed by, then held his hand out to a rather smug looking Dalton. "It was nice meeting you."
Dalton shook Harm's hand for the second time that night. "Likewise."
"'Night, Mac."
"Goodnight."
When Harm closed the door behind him, Mac turned back to her boyfriend.
"So? What do you say, Sarah? Can I stay over?"
Mac thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No, not tonight. I'll give you a call tomorrow, okay?"
Dalton looked disappointed, but at least he didn't try to change her mind. "Sure, as long as I get a kiss for the road." He slowly pulled her to him.
"Of course," Mac murmured, just before he captured her lips with his own. The kiss took on a life of its own and Mac almost changed her mind about allowing him to stay.
Almost.
"Goodnight, Dalton." She stepped out of his arms.
"Goodnight, Sarah," he replied, opening her door. He hesitated as he stepped over the threshold, then looked back at her over his shoulder. "I love you." Without waiting for a reply, he closed the door behind him, leaving Mac staring at it in shock.
"Hey, here's that file you wanted." Mac stepped into Harm's office and held out a case file toward him. He didn't take it for a moment, and when he did, he looked up at her and told her to close the door. Mac did as he asked, then sat down across from him.
"What is it?"
"About the other night…"
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know Dalton was planning to stop by."
"It's okay. After all, you are dating him. I was just, ah, wondering…"
Mac felt a flutter of anxiety go through her chest. Harm seemed so serious yet so hesitant, and she felt herself growing more anxious by the minute. Anxious and impatient, for Harm still hadn't completed his sentence. "Harm, talk," she commanded.
Harm nodded, though he looked increasingly uncomfortable. "I was wondering…" He cleared his throat and tapped his pen on the desk a few times before he finally said what he intended to. "I was wondering if Dalton often spends the night?"
"What?!" Mac went from anxious to angry. How was that any of his business?
"Shh, Mac. I'm sorry. I just wanted to know if—"
"I know what you wanted to know, Harm, and it's none of your business."
"Hey, Mac, come on…"
Mac stood up quickly, causing her chair to slam against the wall behind it. "What, now that you're in the picture, you're going to tell me whom and I can and can't have over? That I'm not allowed to date anymore?"
"I didn't say anything like that."
"You didn't?" she asked sarcastically.
Harm sighed and looked somewhat ashamed. "Okay, I know what I must sound like, and I know it isn't my business."
"Then why did you ask about it?"
"I don't know. I guess I was just concerned about Eden."
Mac's cheeks started to burn and her hands started to shake, while her heart pounded out an unsteady rhythm in her chest. "It's starting, isn't it."
"What's starting?"
"The questions. The insinuations."
"Insinuations? What the hell does that mean? I'm not making any insinuations!"
"Yes, you are. You're insinuating that I'm not taking care of Eden the "right" way. That I'm flaunting my relationship in front of her. That I'm not a good mother!"
"I never said anything like that. In fact, I've told you many times that you're a wonderful mother! It's just I heard Dalton say that she could come in with you two if she woke up again and I got worried and I started to wonder what kind of guy Dalton is and I was just worried about our daughter! I'm new at this, Mac! I always thought I'd be married to the mother of my child and I'm not sure how I should deal with this when I'm not!"
"By asking, Harm!"
"I did ask, Mac!"
"No, again, you insinuated that Dalton and I were doing things that were inappropriate. Dalton is a good man, Harm. Do you know how hard it is to date as a single mother? To always worry about what you might be bringing home to your child? I didn't even let Dalton meet Eden until we'd been going out for four months. He didn't spend the night for another three. He's actually the first man I've ever let meet Eden. He's the first man I've been with since you. Eden likes him, and I trust her intuition. She's young, but she can read people. So don't accuse me of being inappropriate or uncaring!"
Mac didn't realize tears were dripping down her cheeks until Harm knelt down before her and wiped them away. "Mac, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I'm an idiot. I really don't know what I'm doing here, and I know you would never do anything to hurt Eden. I'm sorry I keep upsetting you. I'm just an idiot."
Mac sniffled and Harm pulled out his handkerchief for her. "You're not an idiot, Harm."
"Yeah, I kinda am, sweetheart."
Ignoring the endearment, Mac shook her head. "No. I'm just too sensitive. I think I'm still afraid you might swoop in and want to take her away from me."
Harm took her hands in his. "Mac, I promise you…look at me. I promise you I will never take her away from you. Okay? Okay, Mac?"
Mac took in a deep, shuddering breath. "Okay."
"Now, can I hug you and tell you I'm sorry again?"
Mac nodded, and Harm pulled her up as he stood. He wrapped his arms around her, whispering his apologies in her ear, while she tried to stop another flow of tears. It wasn't until Harm's phone rang a minute later that he let her go, and she reluctantly stepped back. Harm answered with a crisp, "Commander Rabb," but surprised her when he held the phone out to her. "It's for you." He shrugged at her inquiring look.
"Major MacKenzie."
A moment later, Mac handed the phone back to Harm.
"What was that about?
Mac sighed tiredly. "That was Tiner. The admiral needs me to go to Norfolk. I might not be back until tomorrow morning."
"Damn."
"Yeah, damn. Eden was up again last night and she ended up sleeping with me—no, I sent Dalton home right after you left—and she was restless. Honestly, I almost called you because she kept wanting you to sing to her."
Harm's eyes lit with delight, and he couldn't contain one of his heart-stopping flyboy grins. "She did?"
"Yeah, she did."
"Next time, call me, Mac. You can call me anytime."
Mac nodded. "I'll remember that. I'd better get going. Dammit, I was going to get groceries tonight and—"
"I'll pick up some groceries for you."
"Oh, no, you don't have to do that. I can do it tomorrow."
"Mac, let me. That way you won't have to worry about it and Katie won't have to worry about it either. How is she, by the way?"
"She's better, but I was actually hoping to leave here early and relieve her."
"How 'bout I grab some groceries and then I'll go to your place to give Katie a break? If you and she are okay with it, I can spend the night and take care of Eden until you're home."
"I don't know…"
"Please, let me. I'd really like to have more time with her. You know, Mac, I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with someone so fast."
"Oh, Harm…" Mac grew teary at his declaration. He really was a sweet man, and though she tried not to, she wondered what it would have been like if she had met Harm and dated him like a normal person, and then had his baby. "Okay, yes. Yes, you can stay with Eden. Just let me make sure Katie's comfortable with that."
"Sure. Does, um, Katie know?"
"Yeah, she does."
"Good. Then she won't wonder why I'm spending so much time with you two. Let me know what she says. I need to give Annie a call…"
Mac's eyes widened in dismay. "Hey, don't change your plans with Annie."
"I'm not. She wants to see this play and it's showing tonight and tomorrow. I'll tell her we can go tomorrow—we hadn't decided what night yet."
"Okay, but if tomorrow doesn't work for her…"
"It'll be fine, Mac. Now, go and get ready to get out of here."
"Okay, Harm. Thanks."
"No, thank you."
Mac softly closed her door behind her. Her task in Norfolk didn't take as long as she'd feared, so she'd elected to drive home tonight rather than tomorrow. She arrived home just before midnight.
The apartment was dark, but she could make out Harm's sleeping form sprawled on the couch.
"Harm," she whispered, gently shaking his shoulder after she sat down on the coffee table in front of him.
"Mac?" he said sleepily. "What time is it?"
"2354."
Harm slowly sat up and rubbed his hand over his face. "I didn't think you'd be back tonight."
"Things went better than expected. How did everything go here?"
"Just fine. Eden was down by seven forty-five and I haven't heard a peep out of her. It took some convincing, but I finally got Katie to go to bed just after. She was tired out."
"I would imagine." Mac lightly rested her hand on Harm's knee. "Harm, thank you for staying with them tonight. Having a nanny is great, but things happen, and I haven't had any backup before. Thank you," she repeated.
Harm nodded and covered her hand with his own. "You're welcome, Mac, but I hope you consider me more than just 'back up.'"
"I'm sorry. Obviously, I'm still getting used to this," she replied sheepishly. Harm nodded and gave her a knowing smile.
"It's a lot, isn't it? We've talked about this before, but I think it's going to take a long time before we're perfectly comfortable with everything."
Mac nodded as well. "Yeah. Harm, speaking of talking…about earlier today…I'm sorry I got so upset."
Harm squeezed her hand. "It's okay, Mac. Really."
"No, it's not. I've already blown up at you twice, but I swear I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm just a little…scared. Insecure. Oh, I know Eden is thriving and happy, but I'm still afraid I'm going to screw things up. I didn't have the best upbringing." Mac stood up, embarrassed to have admitted even that much. Needing to get away from him, she walked over to the glass door leading to her balcony, where she simply stared out into the darkness. A moment later, she felt Harm come up behind her and rest his big hand on her shoulders.
"Tell me about it."
"It's all in the past. I shouldn't have even brought it up."
Harm turned her and briefly touched her cheek, but it was enough for Mac to miss the warmth of his fingers when he pulled them back. "Mac, it's obviously bothered you a long time, and I'm sure me being in the picture now is bringing up a few issues. Come on. Talk to me."
Mac started to nod, but then the grumbling of her stomach interrupted them.
"Hungry?"
"Yeah. I didn't stop to eat anything on the way home."
"How about I fix you the eggs we were denied the other night?"
"It's so late. I should let you go home."
"It's no problem. Come into the kitchen with me and we can start talking, okay?
"Okay."
"Hmmm, where to start…" Mac took a sip of the milk Harm set in front of her. "My dad was in the marines until that accident when I was five. He got booted, but we just stayed in Yuma where he'd been stationed. He eventually got a job as a mechanic and my mom stayed home with me. I remember people telling me I was lucky to have my mom there, but honestly, I didn't think so." Mac took another sip as Harm set her eggs down in front of her. He had his own plate as well and sat down next to her at the island.
"She didn't spend much time with me, so I learned how to entertain myself, but it made me rather a loner. My dad, he would hit my mom and yell at me constantly if I was around, so I learned how to stay out of the way rather early. I'd hide in my closet or under my bed, and I only came out when he demanded my presence. He never hit me…at least not until…"
"Until?"
Mac shook her head. She'd said too much, and she didn't like the feelings that were welling up in her again. Just when she thought she'd dealt with her past, something always popped up to shake her again. It had happened when she found out she was pregnant, and then again when Eden was born. When she had to go back to work and leave her with a nanny, she wondered if she was doing the right thing, continuing with the marines. After all, it had the potential to be a dangerous job, even if she was one of those legal weenies her friends teased her about. Scared she'd be distant like her mother, she threw herself into spending every moment with Eden when she wasn't at work. It was her first nanny, an older woman with children and grandchildren of her own, who sat her down and told her she was doing great but that she also needed some time for herself. Mac got better about allowing herself some self-care, but that didn't mean she'd entirely given up the guilt.
"Hey, Mac," Harm said, interrupting her thoughts. "Come on. You can tell me anything. You said your dad never hit you until…?"
Mac sighed deeply. "Until I stepped in between them to stop him from hitting her. He split my lip, and then he cried because he'd hurt me. That didn't mean much by then, not when he'd been hurting my mom for so long. What hurt the most, however, was the next day, on my fifteenth birthday. She left. For good. And the worst part, she left me with him."
"Oh, god, Mac. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. I've overcome most of it, but there are still those times when I worry I'll be like her. Or that I'll be like him."
Harm stood up from his stool and wrapped his arms around her. "Mac, honey, you'll never be like either of them."
"How do you know? You barely know me."
"Mac, I feel like I've known you forever, even from the first time I met you four years ago."
"That's just something people say."
"No, it isn't. I sometimes wish…"
"What do you wish, Harm." She held her breath in anticipation.
"That I'd met you in a different way. That we'd had Eden together. I feel this connection to you, Mac. Sarah." He drew back and cupped her face with his hands. He started to lower his head toward hers.
"Harm," she whispered, stopping him. "We can't. You have Annie, and I have Dalton."
Harm's arms dropped to his sides and he looked up at the ceiling. "I know, Mac. I know."
"And I think…I think we're letting ourselves getting carried away. We have a child together, a child we conceived after one of the most amazing nights of my life. We need to be careful here. We can't romanticize things."
"You're right. I'm sorry I keep doing this."
"And I'm sorry I keep wanting you to."
Neither of them moved, not until the silence around them grew loud in itself.
"I'd better go, Mac," Harm whispered.
"Yeah."
His shoulders were slumped as he walked away from her, but then he turned around to face her once again.
"For what it's worth, I'm not someone who cheats. This is the first time I…well, you know."
"Me too."
"Goodnight, Mac."
"Goodnight."
"Tell Eden…I'd say tell her I love her, but…"
"No, Harm. I will tell her you love her. I know she already loves you."
"Okay, then."
"Okay."
"It's hard to leave, Mac."
"I know." Ask him to stay, her mind screamed at her, but in the end, she could only look into his sad eyes and tell him the last thing she wanted to.
"Goodbye, Harm."
End Chapter 4