The Self-Writing Parchment
Hermione has another Occlumency lesson, and Severus makes a discovery that really opens up his eyes, answering a lot of questions and erasing some doubts.
~o 19 o~
Revelations
Hermione hurried out of double Potions, not bothering to say anything to anyone as she practically ran for the Gryffindor common room. For a week now, Draco had been trying to spend as much time with Hermione as possible, only leaving her alone during meals and when they didn't have classes together. Even through the weekend, Draco had pursued her, having tried to engage her in conversation or simply practice spells. Although Hermione had to admit he was being nice to her, she still didn't trust him. For one thing, he was trying too hard. For another, Crabbe and Goyle kept glaring at her from behind him. That, and Crabbe had a habit of cracking his knuckles whenever she looked in his direction. Then there was Pansy, glaring at her as if she was trying to steal Draco from her, as if that would ever be the case. But what annoyed Hermione the most was the fact that she couldn't research means of magical communication with Draco hovering around her all the time, nor could she find out if Ginny had found anything.
Hermione had just rounded the corner when Cillian caught up to her, grasping her arm and making her turn around. "Now look here, what is your hurry? Where are you off to?"
"My room, for some peace and quiet," she snapped, yanking her arm free.
"Don't – just don't! You are not to run away from me – ever again!" Cillian stared at her hard for a moment, his normally kind eyes frosty with anger as he waited.
Hermione glared back at him, then saw Travers walk over to VanHalal in the corridor, and realized he was right. She nodded, ashamed by her behavior, glad when she saw that the two Death Eaters had walked away.
A tick showed on both sides of his face as Cillian clenched his jaw. After a moment, his stance relaxed. "I know this isn't easy for you. Come on." They walked in silence. Once in the office, Hermione hurried across the room, heading for the stairs. Cillian followed. "Hermione."
She stopped and turned. "Look, I'm trying to give you space. As long as you're not causing trouble, I'm… But don't think I don't understand. It's no picnic for me either, having to stand around and watch you read and hearing all the stuff in the lessons all over again. But I'll make you this deal – don't run away from me, and I'll try to be less intrusive. I'm not here to box you in – I'm here for your protection."
Hermione dropped her book bag. "I know, but it's hard for me, too. You're always watching, following, and I'm not used to it. And Draco – I know he doesn't like me, and all of a sudden he's everywhere," she said with a flick of her hand. "For six years, he's done nothing but bully me and my friends, and now it's like he suddenly thinks we're best mates!"
"Draco's trying to befriend you," Cillian stated, and Hermione scoffed at him. "He is. I know you don't like him much, but he is an okay kid, once you get past the stuck up, spoiled prat part."
Hermione started laughing.
"See, it's not so bad," he said. "I'm charming and good looking. Besides, those who'd want to hurt you – I can take care of them." He offered her a winning smile and then turned to go. "I'll be downstairs, levitating something, so you can be alone. Let me know when you're ready to have dinner, okay?"
"Sure," she said. "Cillian?"
He stopped and turned. "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."
"No problem. But knock it off, okay?"
~o0o~
The rest of the week went well, all considering.
For some reason, Severus seemed to be avoiding her, unless she was revising or writing her essays in the sitting room. During those quiet times, he would either come in and read or bring some of his work up with him. He never bothered her studies, occasionally answering her questions or suggesting a book in which she could find the answers for herself. His presence was comforting, and she knew he was watching her, although she never actually saw him looking directly at her. At night, when she allowed Peren to put her things away, sometimes Severus would kiss her goodnight before he returned to his office. Occasionally, Hermione thought she saw a look of longing in his eyes, but he didn't act on it, so she dismissed it as hopeful thinking or a trick of the light.
Likewise, Draco was still making his attempts at fitting into her life, and by now, he'd actually memorized her schedule and his appearances were starting to form a pattern. The few times when Draco had somewhere he had to be, like class, Hermione sought out Ginny. And Alecto was still lecturing them about how inept Muggles were, constantly telling them that Muggles were filthy, stupid, and ignorant, and spouting on about how intelligent and superior wizards were in comparison.
Snape had been gone all day on Thursday, and when he'd returned for dinner, he was in a foul mood. Immediately after dinner, he'd left again, and Hermione wasn't sure if he'd even come back that night or not. She did see him for breakfast when he entered the Great Hall with Rowle, Travers, and the Carrows Friday, but his expression was stony.
Saturday, Cillian had tried to keep Hermione in the Headmaster's suite, encouraging her to have her friend Ginny visit with her there instead, and was adamant about her leaving the castle even just to go outside on the grounds without him. So Hermione and Ginny searched the books in the Headmaster's library for communication spells. When Snape came in, a flicker of surprise crossed his features when he saw Ginny flipping through a book with several more stacked up beside her. "Hermione, I have a scheduled meeting with the Head of Houses today, followed by a meeting with Rowle, Travers, MacCavish, VanHalal, and the Carrows. I don't think you and Miss Weasley should be here. Perhaps you could revise this somewhere else?"
Hermione looked up from her own book and set down her quill. "Sure," she replied, flicking a glance at Cillian. "We'll just go to the library then."
Severus turned to look at Cillian. "I thought it best to keep her here since, you know," Cillian said, setting down the wizard puzzle he'd been toying with.
The girls collected up their things and quickly replaced the books on the shelves. Severus watched with an air of indifference, nodding as Hermione led Ginny down the stairs. "Why was Miss Weasley here?" Severus asked softly, his voice barely carrying down to Hermione.
"Knowing who was in the library, I thought it best," Cillian replied and both girls froze on the stairs to listen. "She is collecting all the old Muggle Studies books and trying to replace them with more suitable materials," Cillian continued. Ginny gave Hermione a knowing look to which Hermione nodded in understanding.
"Tell Madam Pince to put them in the restricted section. I don't want any books removed from the castle on any subject," Severus stated. "If she questions you, tell her the order came from me. I will address it personally, but I want to know right away."
"No problem; I'll pass on the message," Cillian said.
Ginny gave Hermione a gentle shove, whispering that he was coming, and they hurried down the stairs as quietly as possible, waiting for Cillian near Snape's desk. When Cillian approached, Ginny turned to him. "Cillian, may I ask you…?" she started to say, then stopped.
Cillian shook his head and waved the girls toward the door. "What was it, Miss Weasley?" he asked once they were in the corridor.
Ginny wrinkled her brows. "The Muggle Studies books…?" she started to ask and Cillian cut her off.
"Yes, all the Muggles Studies books. Not that it's any of your concern, but I know Hermione will ask about it later, I'm sure. Alecto is unhappy with the students' essays, and she is blaming the misinformation on the improper reading material provided in the library."
"Madam Pince must be livid if she's trying to destroy her books," Hermione said.
Cillian nodded. "She's livid. Alecto has an entire collection of defame – I mean, proper reading material."
Hermione looked at him confusedly as they walked down the steps to the fourth floor. "Then why, if Professor Snape is Headmaster, has she decided to replace the books? Surely he has the final say?"
Cillian stopped short, looking both ways in the corridor before pulling Hermione aside by the wall. Ginny followed, her concern masked by her curiosity. "Look, you were told this," he said sternly to Hermione, his expression hardening. He then looked at Ginny, glaring at her as well. "And, Miss Weasley, you may as well know this too. The Ministry has fallen. The Dark Lord is in charge of the school." He lowered his voice to a hiss, and Hermione was astounded how much he seemed like Snape he was when he was irritable. "Alecto wanted the position of Headmaster, but the Dark Lord appointed Severus. She then wanted to be Deputy Headmaster, but Severus convinced the Dark Lord to keep Professor McGonagall in the position. Alecto has been causing Severus grief ever since, not that you needed to know that. But he doesn't need any other trouble or distractions from either of you two."
"So, why are you telling us this – out here?" Hermione asked with a wave of her hand indicating the corridor. "You could have said this in the office."
"No, I couldn't. The portraits of Dumbledore, Everard, and Fortescue are giving Severus a lot of grief," Cillian snapped in the same soft hiss. "That's why. Now, let's go." He gave Hermione's arm a tug to propel her in the direction of the library, allowing the girls to walk in front of him.
Hermione and Ginny walked silently all the way to the library and headed straight for the Charms section. They whispered quietly about what Cillian had confessed, and Ginny promised to let Neville and Seamus in on the revelation. Turning her attention to the bookshelves, Hermione finally found a book on Protean Charms describing intercatenated and concatenated spells. However, Draco appeared next to her within minutes, as he usually did, as if he had a map telling him when she'd arrived in the library, and insisted on sitting at the same table. Ginny crammed the Charms books they'd found in Hermione's bag before he realized which ones the girls were reading. That evening, Severus was distracted and moody, so Hermione slipped up to the loo for a long soak, then curled up in bed to read, falling asleep early.
On Sunday morning, Hermione joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team to watch them practice, simply to sit in the sunshine for a while. As expected, Draco showed up, followed by his goons, choosing to sit next to her in the stands, much to the chagrin of Seamus and Neville, who had hoped to spend the time talking to her. Of course the Gryffindor team didn't like having the Slytherins in the stands during practice either, so they mostly worked on broom maneuvers, ignoring the taunting from Crabbe and Goyle. Finally, Hermione excused herself and went to the library for some light reading. At least Draco got the hint and let her read, but he remained in the library, watching her over his own book.
After lunch, Hermione managed to slip away from Draco by asking Cillian to walk with her to Hagrid's. The visit was pleasant enough, although Cillian's presence made Hagrid nervous. She gave Hagrid a hug before she left, thanking him for the blackberry scones, but her smile faded when she saw Draco lounging on the grass as she made her way back up to the castle. Draco jumped up as she approached, and she groaned, telling Cillian softly that she was going to hurry up to her rooms. Draco was really getting on her last nerve. It was like having a boyfriend you didn't want, popping up everywhere.
Snape was gone all day, and he didn't show up until Tuesday morning. Hermione watched him as she ate breakfast, wondering where he'd been. Snape looked surly, leaving the Great Hall even before the mail arrived.
~o0o~
Thursday, Snape surprised Hermione by coming into the loo while she was washing up after double Herbology. "I have wanted to talk to you – I just haven't had the time as of late," he said as he watched her wash. He sat down on the edge of the tub and handed her the shower handle.
"You've been busy," she replied, wishing that the bubbles were a bit higher in the bathwater. It wasn't lost on her how often he'd been called from the castle or exactly how much paperwork and correspondence he'd had to do since their arrival. When he was in residence it seemed he was always writing something or another, even into the late hours of the night.
"Things will settle down soon," he said softly, watching her work the conditioner into her hair.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Hermione," he said, shifting to get more comfortable on the edge of the tub, "we need to talk." His tone made a huge lump seem to drop into her gut. "You were stirring up trouble, and it was getting noticed."
"I wasn't…" she started to protest, then stopped, her hands still in her hair, when she saw him smirk at her.
"Don't lie to me. The Dark Lord asked me about your activities." He rose, stopping at the door. "Finish up and come into the bedroom."
When she entered the bedroom, he was standing, apparently staring out the window while he waited for her. "I told you that if I am to confide in you, you must learn to defend the mind against external penetration," he said bluntly. She nodded, and he moved to stand and face her. "You undoubtly know what Legilimency and Occlumency are, and I'm sure you could quote every reference you'd read on it when Potter told you I was trying to teach him how to do this." She nodded again, and he smirked. "I thought so. Potter was unable close his mind. I know he didn't take the lessons seriously. I expect better from you. Now, close your eyes."
"Yes, sir," she replied in anticipation, keeping her eyes shut. She remembered their first few attempts, and licked her lips.
"Keep your eyes closed, and clear your mind. Push all emotions away – suppress them."
She tried to do as he instructed, finding it very difficult to do. Every sound, his very presence, seemed to fill her. It was amazing how many little sounds there were in the room. It was also interesting the patterns of reds, oranges, and black that she could see with her eyes closed, as if she were looking at the inside of her eyelids. She heard him move, and her heightened awareness to sounds made it impossible not to try and feel where he was standing and guess what he was doing.
"Ready?" he said, making her open her eyes and look at him."Legilimens." Hermione felt the penetration as he forced his way in. Scenes flashed in her mind, quick blurs, and she tried to push him away from them, but she was reacting to his probing, not blocking the images from happening. "You are not even trying," he stated as he broke the contact.
Hermione gritted her teeth. "This isn't easy."
"No, it isn't. If you don't clear your mind of all of emotions, you leave yourself open to being probed. You're allowing your feelings and memories to be exposed and vulnerable. Occlumency is the only way to seal the mind from magical intrusion and influence. Empty your mind, and shut off your emotions. Try again." The second invasion was just as harsh.
Memories began to flash, and she tried shoving each one away as soon as he'd brought it forward. She was only able to simply exchange one memory for another, just as she'd done before. Hermione could feel her frustration rise, and she tried to suppress it so she could concentrate, and the connection broke.
"You are not concentrating hard enough. You almost blocked me before. This time, I could feel your anger increase. You have to try harder," he said.
"Try harder at what?" she asked, trying to suppress the feelings of frustration. "I can feel you enter. I can see what memories you pull up, but I don't understand how to block you."
"Empty your mind. Control your emotions. Concentrate," he said firmly.
"Concentrate on what?" she asked, her frustration now palatable. "It's like you're just reading my mind like a book!"
"Memories are not stored in your brain like a book," he said, brandishing his wand in his fingers. "They are random, in any order, but similar memories can lie along similar threads associated by common emotions. Now, I want you to empty your mind of your emotions." Hermione groaned and squared her shoulders, but he only smirked at her.
"You managed to nearly block me just now. Do it again, but also empty all of your emotions from your thoughts, and shove me away from your mind – push me out. Legilimens," he said before she could ready herself. Several images of recent events flashed quickly, and she managed to shove them away, but was unable to push him from her mind. Hermione tried to direct her thoughts, forcing images of the familiar stone corridors forward in attempt to gain control, but Snape's image kept materializing in her mind.
She found herself distracted each time, as memories of him flickered in and out along the stone corridors. Images of watching him undress, standing before her bare-chested or nude appeared as if he was doing these things in the school corridors in front of her. She forced herself to focus instead on the image of Snape striding down those same stone corridors, his robes billowing he walked, making it seem like she was actually following him, but the other memories kept breaking through. Hermione tried emptying herself, tried to focus on nothing. But nothing became the memory of Snape standing beside her as they brewed potions together, the way his hands moved, their precision and his dexterity with his instruments. The images of his hands brought forth memories of his hands on her body, and that only made her feelings for him stronger and clearer: her attraction to him, her respect for him, the way he made her feel when they were together, how he made her body come alive just with a kiss or a touch. She tried to shove down the reaction she felt and concentrated on white, plain, blank, white. Of course, this only produced images of his face and body lying next to her in bed, which lead to the times he leaned over her to kiss her. Various images of their coupling flashed uncontrollably, which made her blush and her body tremble. Try as she might, she couldn't push him away, the need for him became almost palatable, and her resolve broke.
When the connection broke, Hermione nearly stumbled. Snape was looking at her with a contemplative stare. She lowered her head and berated herself for being unable to block the feelings she had for him from her mind. "I can't do this. I just can't block you."
"No, but you were creating images until you let your emotions get carried away," he said, his voice thick and thoughtful.
Hermione listened to him, surprised that he thought the images she'd inadvertently shown him were ones she'd fabricated intentionally.
"If you are going to create images to block the Dark Lord, you must not allow your feelings to overwhelm you. The Dark Lord is very skilled at finding what he wants. If you are ever going to be able to lie to or mislead him, you must learn how to shut down those feelings and the memories which contradict the lie. You have to learn how to control your emotions so that they do not contradict the falsehoods you present. Emotions are the strongest link we have to memory association. Learn to control your emotions, such as friendship, love, attraction, and you'll do better."
"In other words, it is more than thinking nothing – it's feeling nothing and not allowing him to see or feel anything in your mind. But how am I not supposed to feel anything? How do you repress it?" she asked, distressed.
"You have to discipline your mind. Learn to control your emotions," he said, crossing his arms.
"Like suppressing everything and making my mind go blank?" she said, sensing her emotions ripple and surge in her, and she sighed, feeling completely inadequate to the task. You have never failed at something once you've set your mind to it before. Get a grip of yourself. Think. "Can't I concentrate on one emotion so the others don't come forward? Wouldn't it be best to just hold onto one emotion as a focus?"
"Crude concept, but ineffective," he said smoothly. "Even a simple emotion like… respect can open images you don't want him to know. You don't respect him – you fear him. It's not easy to speak falsely in his presence, especially if you are afraid or worried. And fear will make you fail. Fear is the strongest emotion you have, the hardest to suppress, and it will be your weakness. If you can't control your fear, it will be impossible to keep him from seeing what you fear. Likewise, you must not allow your mind to be relaxed or become vulnerable." He narrowed his eyes as he considered her thoughtfully.
"But if I can't concentrate on one emotion, how do I erase all my emotions?" she asked, feeling like he was asking – expecting the impossible. I can't even block Snape, how am I ever going to block someone as powerful as the Dark Lord?
"Do not concentrate on nothing. Feel nothing. Memories are associated with feelings as well as sounds, sights, smells, and textures, even tastes. Legilimency doesn't utilize your five senses; it uses your emotional connection to the memories. If you are not able to block your feelings, suppress them. They become a conduit, a ley-line if you will, and will leave you vulnerable to penetration." He exhaled in agitation, his fingers tightening on his wand. "Remember, Legilimency can also be used to destroy your mind, a powerful incursion upon your thoughts and emotions. With it, he can control you, for the weak-minded, with even more accuracy than with the Imperius. Try again. Legilimens."
All his talk about the Dark Lord awoke the fear she had of him, knowing she would face him again, possibly even soon. Memories of her summons, images of the Dark Lord touching her face, caressing her, flashed between visions of red eyes and the long white fingers. Hermione gasped as the memories from the time she was alone with the Dark Lord began to blur with the memories from her wedding night. The image of the Dark Lord leaning close to her, walking around her, pressing his wand tip on the flesh of her forearm, brought up the nightmares she'd had of him after her hand-fasting. Hermione vividly recalled both times his wand pressed down on her skin as he threatened to mark her arm.
"What was that? Did you create it?" he asked, grasping her arms to keep her from collapsing once the connection broke.
"No," she replied breathlessly, staring up at Snape, needing his strength to fight back the surge of despair and hopelessness that was consuming her.
She heard him utter the spell, too emotionally drained to offer any resistance. Hermione had no chance to ready herself. She could feel Snape push into her memories of the Dark Lord's visit after the hand-fasting. 'You are mine. You are now bound to me by his oath. You're to be an asset, a loyal Death Eater's wife. I am your master… Hermione – or you will be eliminated… The fear she had when he claimed she belonged to him surged through her as she recalled his threats with perfect clarity. 'My Lord, Hermione,' he'd demanded in an eerie hiss, his red eyes narrowing. She remembered the feeling she'd had when he'd said it, like she was gong to vomit. 'Say it!' The image of the Dark Lord pressing his wand tip into her forearm repeated as she answered, 'Yes, My Lord,' mingled with flashes of her nightmares that he'd actually branded her arm. She'd felt a surge of despair, knowing that she would have to do whatever the Dark Lord demanded of her, and it made her nearly panic. Hermione tried desperately to separate herself from her own memories, hating to be reliving them again.
Scenes flashed in her mind as she replayed all the horrors she'd faced in just a few months and felt it overcome her all over again. Hermione felt a shift in the pressure in her mind, and she saw Snape appear in her mind just as she recalled seeing him standing in the door of his loo, casually checking in on her as she cried in the shower, and felt the relief and gratitude his presence gave her wash over her, calming her. She could smell him, the woodsy scent mixed with herbal smoke, feel his presence, and she anchored herself as she surrendered to it, feeling her emotional turmoil calm by his proximity. He was there, firm, strong, capable, and protecting her. She owed him so much and could offer him so little in return. The memory faded and Hermione tried to mentally grasp out, to bring him back. She saw him bow to the Dark Lord, and leave her abandoned, wandless, vulnerable, and at The Dark Lord's mercy. The despair she'd felt surged, knowing that he did whatever the Dark Lord demanded of him, even leaving her alone and unprotected when asked to. Anxiety and fear rose within her chest. Her pulse seemed to pound in her ears. She was sweating and shaking. Her terror surged unchecked, enveloped her, and made her scream in panic.
She hadn't realized that she'd screamed out loud. Her arms clasped around her middle, and she bent over, crying, completely unaware that the contact had been broken.
Snape grabbed her, shaking her once to try and clear her mind and to bring her back to the present. Her screams subsided as her eyes focused on his face, and she began to shiver uncontrollably. "He did! He told me I was his. He threatened to mark me as his," she confessed to him, tears rolling down her cheeks. "He said he'd kill me. Th-that I was to be an asset or – or – I was so afraid of him." Tears now flowed freely as she looked up at him imploringly. "He offered me his mark and demanded that I call him My Lord!"
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice so controlled that he sounded angry with her.
"And what could you have done? You took me to him! You left the room – left me with him!" she wailed, needing him to just hold her and afraid to ask him.
"You were not in any real harm at the time, Hermione," he tried to reassure her.
"When you left, he walked in! He just walked in and he – he… You were gone! I was alone with him! Again!" she exclaimed, unheeding his words. "He owns me – I'm his – he said so. I had no way of escape. No wand. He was going to mark me, to prove I belong to him. Just like he owns you – he said so. You can't protect me from him. No one can!" She was crying, rambling incoherently, her knees nearly giving way. Snape caught her before she collapsed on the floor and held her upright in his embrace.
"You're wrong," he said softly in her ear as he held her tightly. "I am protecting you."
~o0o~
Severus held the sobbing girl in his arms, his mind in a whirlwind. Severus carefully deconstructed the memories he'd seen in correlation to the times he'd been ordered to bring her before the Dark Lord. He remembered the day of her first encounter with the Dark Lord. She'd been as prepared as he could make her, and the Calming Draught had helped. None of the images he'd just seen fit with that summons.
During the second visit, the Dark Lord had been angry because he had expected Hermione to curse Wormtail. Naturally, her caring and kind temperament didn't allow her to use the Cruciatus Curse effectively. Severus was told to leave her alone with him, and he'd obeyed, knowing that Hermione wouldn't have been harmed. Apparently, she hadn't known that. She had walked out of the ballroom with her head held high, although her complexion was nearly ashen-white, and her body was trembling and sweaty, obviously from fear. She had refused to tell him what had happened or confide in him. He'd expected her to be upset, expected more of a reaction, but he had been so proud that she'd handled herself so well that he hadn't pressed her about it. He'd just assumed that she was just dealing with whatever occurred her own way. He'd known what the Dark Lord had planned on doing – intimidate her into submission. Apparently she'd been so frightened she'd been reduced to a state of shock, and he'd mistaken her quietness as bravery – not an emotional break down.
The supposedly tender actions, the caresses the Dark Lord gave Hermione, were the same as he'd had witnessed the Dark Lord bestow on Belinda and Bellatrix numerous times, as well as on Narcissa. It was a display of the Dark Lord's affections, his favoritism, compassion, and caring, which Severus knew was a ruse. Belinda and Bellatrix did not, literally drinking it in like a potion, and basking in the afterglow like an addiction. Narcissa, he knew, understood it for what it was – a ploy. Severus was sure now that Hermione had seen through the ploy as well, but she'd been unsettled by the tactic.
That left the images of the Dark Lord's offer for Hermione to take the Dark Mark.
He had been surprised to see repeated in Hermione's memories that the Dark Lord had pressed his wand into Hermione's skin as if offering to give her the Mark. The image was both vivid and clear, as well as a cloudy, dreamlike replay. That could only mean that it had happened and had repeated in her dreams. Severus recognized the rooms from the images as being in two different places: the Malfoys' ballroom, and their bridal chamber. Severus couldn't figure out why the Dark Lord would have offered her his Mark, but apparently the Dark Lord had, twice. He did recall seeing a small bruise on her forearm, but he hadn't really considered the implications either time. But if the Dark Lord had marked her with some kind of Mark that would have connected Hermione to him, the same way the Dark Mark connected the Death Eaters, that would made the Dark Lord a hypocrite in the eyes of his followers. Although, it would have given a clear message to Potter; Hermione had become his.
The promise of an education, magical knowledge, followed by the threat to behave or face the Dark Lord's punishment or death, the declaration of her role and being told that she was now his to command, followed by the demand to call him master… it all fit together. It was all too familiar to Severus. It also explained the nightmares Hermione had the following night. The crying in the shower…
Severus was surprised to know that the flashes he'd seen the morning after their hand-fasting when he'd preformed Legilimency on her in his shower had not been directed at him, but had only been a recounting of her situation. This time he'd clearly felt her relief at seeing him in the doorway, and the sense of gratitude she'd felt toward him, and still did, had shocked him. Now it all made sense – and he'd been keeping his distance from her. He'd been trying to let her have as normal a school year as he could, trying not to force himself on his wife any more than he could stand, believing all this time that she had been blaming him for all her misery.
Severus hadn't known about the visit to their bridal chamber. When Severus was downstairs, giving Narcissa and Lucius his thanks and informing them he and Hermione would be leaving, the Dark Lord had come down from the upper floor with a smug look on his face with both Bellatrix and Belinda hanging on each arm. Severus had bowed, giving his thanks and affirming that he'd be ready to open the school on time, to be run as the Dark Lord wished. The Dark Lord had been pleased, yet both Bellatrix and Belinda looked at him with expressions of smugness and suppressed envy, respectively. Severus had only assumed that Belinda had been jealous of Hermione, and thought nothing of it – until now. Apparently, both women knew what had transpired in the bridal suite. That galled him.
"Hermione," Severus said softly, trying to calm her enough to talk to her.
She was clinging to him, her face buried in his chest as she cried. "Yes?" she asked.
"Hermione, listen to me. You must get a hold of yourself."
He heard her sniff, and she wiped her cheeks on her sleeve. "Okay," she mumbled as she wiped her face again.
Severus fought back the revulsion he felt regarding her runny nose and the fact it'd been pressed against his coat. It was one of the things, among many actually, that he'd hated dealing with as Head of Slytherin House: crying females and their subsequent runny noses. Without thinking, he conjured a handkerchief and shoved it in her hand. "Here, now blow." He stood back and waited for her to compose herself. He flicked his wand to clean it for her, and she thanked him, dabbing the cloth to cease her tears, then blew her nose again.
Unfortunately, as all girls seemed to find it necessary to do, she held it out to him as if offering it back.
"Thank you," he said with a slight sneer as he vanished the offending piece of cloth. "Sit down." Severus leaned against the wardrobe, contemplating what he should do with his new information. She is still too open to trust, yet she apparently needs to talk to me more often. Dealing with her was going to be tricky. "First off, I know you're upset about the Dark Lord's actions toward you."
Hermione looked up at him expectantly, but he pressed on before she could talk. "He cannot give you the Dark Mark, Hermione. It would cause too much dissension among his Death Eaters. Surely you can realize that. He's playing with you. It's a ploy to unsettle you and keep you off balance. The times he's been affectionate toward you – he uses that ploy with the women, especially Bellatrix and Belinda. I've seen him use it on Narcissa, only she's to clever to be fooled."
"I realized that," Hermione stated, toying with her fingers in her lap.
"But you let it upset you," Severus stated. "Your best solution is to accept it as it is, bow before him and then shrug it off after you leave his presence." He watched her nod and wondered if she really understood him or was simply nodding in agreement or only that she'd heard him. "We'll leave off Occlumency lessons until tomorrow, if my night remains free. If not, later this weekend. But in the meantime, you are to practice emptying your mind and ridding yourself of your emotions." He watched her shoulders slump. "It's time for dinner, if you think you are up to it." She only nodded, rising out of the chair. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and she looked up. "Wash your face. Otherwise your friends will think I tortured you," he said, trying to make the comment sound light.
Hermione tried to give him a smile before she walked into the loo, obviously still upset. He couldn't open up to her, but he could at least form some kind of a relationship with her. He wondered if he really should. When the war was over, if it was ever over, and if he and Hermione survived, he still intended to give her the option of following her own dreams and having her own life. If after all Dumbledore's planning and scheming, his intricate strategies and maneuvering, the manipulations of the players as if they were chess pieces worked out, he, Severus, would give Hermione her freedom. Severus mused at the irony of it all. Chess, it had been all a calculated strategy to Dumbledore. He, Dumbledore, the queen piece, had fallen, but the two kings, Potter and the Dark Lord, still maneuvered around the board.
Severus walked down to his desk and pulled out the latest memorandums from the Ministry. Dolores Umbridge was once again causing him grief, this time backed up by the Death Eaters in the Ministry and the Death Eaters on the board of governors. The insipid woman hadn't even needed to be Imperiused; she was already fully aboard with the Dark Lord's desires and supportive of his followers. As the chairwitch of the Muggle-born Registration Commission, Dolores was busily instigating and actively implementing policies regarding Muggle-borns, developing the laws enabling the Death Eaters to round up Muggle-borns, snap their wands and send them to Azkaban. Her pamphlet, Mudbloods and the Dangers They Pose to a Peaceful Pure-Blood Society, which demonstrated her full support of the Dark Lord's regime, was supposed to be posted on the walls of Hogwarts. Something Severus was loath to do. Dolores also wanted her ridiculous decrees reinstated, and the Death Eaters among the school governors were making demands and issuing new rules in accordance; most Severus had been able to veto or shoot down as unnecessary.
The new Magical Education office at the Ministry wanted Severus' assurances that the new curriculum would meet the requirements for N.E.W.T. and O.W.L. exams come spring, and Severus had forwarded the concerns to the school governors. Likewise, Griselda Marchbanks and Professor Tofty from the Wizarding Examinations Authority were in an uproar about the new curriculum, demanding that, as Headmaster, Severus was responsible to assure that each course taught at Hogwarts had to reflect that which would be on the exams. Now, Dolores Umbridge wanted to rewrite the N.E.W.T. and O.W.L. exams to fit with the new curriculum, and Griselda Marchbanks and Professor Tofty refused to change the exams to meet the new curriculum. As Headmaster, Severus was called upon to justify the changes Professors Alecto and Amycus Carrow had implemented, and it took all his skills of persuasion to support changes he himself hated. So far, only Muggle Studies and Defense Against the Dark Arts were the focus of the debates. Thankfully, Lucius Malfoy was on the board of governors again, and he was more than willing to attend the meetings.
Not only that, but the parents who'd always thought that education at Hogwarts was discretionary were now being denied home schooling and had been told that a Hogwarts education was compulsory, mandatory if their children were to be allowed to take N.E.W.T. and O.W.L. exams. This had caused a slight influx of students to enroll at both Hogwarts and Durmstrang, which wasn't a problem at Hogwarts because of all the Muggle-born students that had been removed from the school. But many of the new students were at different skill levels than their peers, making all the professors have additional tutorial lessons so that they could help these students catch up. Which, of course, the teaching staff had all been complaining about. The obvious option for the solution, more of Dark Lord's sympathizers or Death Eaters in the castle to fill in as tutors, which was something Severus really wanted to avoid happening. Six Death Eaters in residence, not counting himself and Cillian, was plenty in his opinion.
And the Dark Lord wanted updates on the new curriculum and how the new policies were working out.
He'd been swamped.
He sighed as Hermione entered his office. And now I have to deal with her state of emotions without revealing too much to her. "We are going to be late for dinner. Are you ready?"
"Yes, sir," she replied, at least looking more in control of herself than a few minutes ago.
"All right," he said as he rose. "Let's go."
~~o0o~~
Author's notes:
Okay, well, you wanted to know what Severus has been up to. Now you know.
I owe some big hugs and much gratitude to Cocoachristy and MadBrillant for the beta read.
Concatenate means to make into a whole by joining a system of parts; to link together; unite in a series or chain.