It seems no one is reading this…
Hazey by Glass Animals
House of Balloons/ Glass Table Girls by The Weeknd
"Edward, would you go out with me sometime?" I used the colloquial phrase often used by Mike Newton and his friends; it couldn't possibly be misconstrued. I smiled widely at my boy, the joy at the prospect of truly being in a relationship with him bubbling up. I waited for him to return my smile, for him to say yes and fall into my arms, but he yanked his hands out of mine.
His jaw was clenched and his face had turned a dangerous red. His blood was pulsing, filling the car with its furious rhythm, I watched as his jugular throbbed in his throat, calling for me to mark him. It was so distracting I didn't even notice him reach for the handle to the car until the slap of the cold wind cleared the air and my head.
"What are you doing?" I called, jumping out of the truck to follow his dash to the front door, either running from the rain or away from me.
"W-what are y-y-y-you d-doing," He said harshly from a clenched jaw, not even turning around to face me, but still standing under the pouring sky. He was getting soaked, and I worried for his health in this cold rain. I wished I could bundle him up and run him home and sit with him next to our fire place, discussing Renaissance artists and eating cake until the sun came up.
"I like you, Edward," I downplayed the terrifying extent of my adoration, "I just want to go on a date with you."
He glared at me from beneath his wet lashes, his hair turning dark with his eyes as the rain soaked him. His fists clenched, and I yearned to close the distance between us and kiss away his anger until he couldn't help but love me back.
"Y-you d-don't like me. You d-don't even k-know me!" He exclaimed, and I realized that to him, this was true. To humans, one couldn't be in love unless one knew all of the trivial details like someone's favourite colour or their first grade teacher's name. But I knew the content of his character, I was in love with how sweet and intelligent he was, how he could surprise even me. I noticed Alice peeking at us through her bedroom window, a silent observer, reminding me that we were no longer alone.
"That's the point of a date. To get to know someone," I said delicately, walking slowly towards him. His broad shoulders were so tense, and he still looked unbelievably angry. Anger, could deal with; nervousness or anxiety was a little more complex. But now I could smell that familiar scent of salt in the rain, and I saw the glistening in Edward's emerald eyes. He squeezed them shut and turned around again, facing away from me.
"Y-y-you don't w-want to kn-know m-me," he whispered before running out of the rain and into the house. I was still standing in the driveway, the truck running, completely appalled. Had I done something during the wonderful day we had to make him think I was less than completely interested in him? Surely not.
I climbed into the cab of the truck slowly, soaking the leather seats in my own dampness. I didn't know what had happened. His heart was still pounding from inside, and I heard him enter the downstairs bedroom and close the door gently, the lock clicking in place. If I focused, I could hear his teeth grinding together and the tears dripping down his cheeks. My dead heart was shattering and bleeding venom into my chest as I drove away from him, back home to drop off the car before I could return to him.
I didn't even go inside to thank my family for the evening or to tell them all how I had fucked everything up in a matter of minutes. I fled back to the Chief's home, running as fast as my legs would allow, cracking through a tree when I didn't bother to sidestep around it.
I smelled his blood in the air, not even desirable when it was laced with cortisol and the air was still heavy with tears. He was sitting on his bed in a t-shirt and underwear, blood pooling on his left arm as he viciously scratched at another scab. I was silently crying with him, pretending that the rain on my face were the tears that would provide some relief from the painful pressure I felt in my chest.
"So stupid," he mumbled to himself, wiping at the massive amount of blood on his arm. It dripped onto the wooden floor, and he stepped on it and nearly slipped when he stood. I almost jumped through the window.
He picked up a box of tissues and wiped the blood off his arm carelessly, but vigorously wiped down the floor until it was spotless to the human eye. He was still crying, but the sobs that had ripped through his chest had subsided, and it seemed like he could breathe through his nose again.
He didn't even clean the scratches on his arms, just threw a sweatshirt on and picked up his pillow and blanket to go to Alice. I hoped she could comfort him while I could not, while I was relegated to staring at him from outside his window like some kind of obsessed stalker instead of proudly at his side as his mate.
I couldn't keep my mind off of all of the marks on his arms. They were small, maybe only an inch in length, but they all had that whiteness and skin stretching appearance of a burn. I wondered how long he could have been doing this for there to be so many of varying freshness; it was something Carlisle would have known with just a glance.
He shuffled past Charlie, who was quietly snoring on the couch with a football game on the television and an empty beer in his hand, and dragged his feet up the stairs.
It was the first time since I had watched him that Alice was still awake when Edward went upstairs, and I was hoping that my new friend would initiate some kind of conversation to clue me in to what happened in their driveway. And she didn't disappoint.
"What happened, Edward?" Alice asked as he collapsed on the floor next to her bed, curling on his side to face her.
"Didn't you see," he whispered harshly, holding his hand out for her to grasp. I wondered how Edward could have possibly seen Alice watching us from upstairs from his vantage point and with his weaker human eyes.
"Not really. Nothing clear," Alice shook her head, and I saw her squeeze his hand tighter when she rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling.
"Sh-she can't want me. N-no one c-can. V-V-V-V-Victoria said," the tears were stirring again.
"You need to go to therapy," Alice said quietly, and I saw that she was crying, too, "We both do."
Wise girl, I completely agreed. If Edward didn't want me, couldn't trust me, he had to talk to a professional about whatever had happened to him that made him so delicate, that spurned on the self-harm.
"Who's g-gonna pay for that? Charlie?" His voice was still angry, and his body tense, but his tears had subsided. Alice's hadn't.
"The state would," her voice was small, and Edward laughed darkly.
"N-no they w-wouldn't. Th-they didn't even do anything a-about V-V-V-Victoria and J-J-James." At least now I had names, granted first names, but I had all the time in the world to find these people that had done such incredible harm to my sweet mate that he didn't even want to go out on a date with me, that led him to hurt and scar his beautiful body. I wanted to make these faceless strangers hurt the way my Edward did, I wanted them to be tortured until they couldn't stand it anymore, and then be tortured some more. The venom was flowing freely, and I could tell my eyes had turned pitch black with my anger.
Alice remained silent at that, but didn't fall asleep. Neither of them did, they just laid there and held hands until the early hours of the morning, when exhaustion took them. I didn't even slip through the window like I normally did; I wasn't sure if I could stand the smell of tears and blood while laying in such close proximity to Edward without holding him to me and just complete our bond right then and there. It would free him from his pain, but it also meant he would be trapped in a state similar to what he was experiencing now, the way Rose had been. It was turning out to be a good thing that I would have to wait so long, that Edward would have two full years at least to be helped out of the pit he was in.
I ran home when the sun started rising, like I always did. I was formulating a plan to understand Edward. I wasn't sure if he would need space, need time away from me to think about things the way humans so often did. I didn't have anyone I could ask; I didn't really want to tell anyone in my family about how I was rejected in Charlie Swan's driveway, and I certainly didn't want to tell anyone of Edward's self-harm. That was too personal for me to disclose without permission, even if I was incredibly concerned by the habit.
I tore through the house quickly, showering and changing as fast as I could. Rose emerged from her room as I was on my way out, reaching out to me. I shook my head and continued into the forest. It was still in the earlier morning, but the Chief's house was awake. Charlie Swan and Alice were eating breakfast, Alice chatting politely about going fishing with him. Edward was still sleeping deeply in Alice's room from what I could tell from his heart beat- strong and slow and my life line.
I faded back into the forest and ran east, leaving behind my life line to rest and hopefully collect his thoughts before I returned.
The day was cloudy, but not rainy, but I couldn't drift off while staring at the sky like usual. I just found two deer and carefully fed as to not soil my clothes. It was quick and unfulfilling, but it did the trick and the burn in my throat subsided.
I ran back with purpose, dodging trees and branches and mud carefully.
Alice and Chief Swan were gone when I arrived, and Edward was awake but still laying down. I climbed up the strong pine that grew next to the house, right up near the bedroom window.
He had his eyes closed, his face was serene and soft. If it wasn't for his pulse, I would have thought he was still fast asleep.
"Not true. V-V-V-Victoria wrong. W-worth it," he sounded like he was chanting affirmations while meditating, his face still blank and his heart beat still soft and strong.
He had bruises under his eyes from exhaustion, and his full lips were slightly cracked and lined in a white sheen. Between the tears and the blood, he must have gotten slightly dehydrated.
He rose after several more minutes of just laying on the floor, and started his day. I heard as he brushed his teeth and showered in the upstairs bathroom, heard the mesmerising sound of the towel against his smooth skin.
I was picturing my Edward, showered and gorgeous, standing in the bathroom and rubbing the towel all over his body, when the bathroom door opened and Edward walked into Alice's room with only a towel wrapped around his waist.
I was mesmerised and horrified and turned on all at once. He was only in the room for a moment, leaning down to grab his pillow and blanket before padding downstairs, but I didn't need any longer to see it all.
His torso was littered with scars- scratches and circular burns on top of the marks on his inner arms. His body was lean but defined, and I saw myself kneeling in front of him, kissing away the pain caused by the scars of his abuse and worshipping his body like it deserved to be.
I filed away the beauty of his body for my late night fantasies and jumped off the tree to the ground. I had heard Edward dress in his little bedroom while I was still entertaining my fantasy, and he was moving around the kitchen, clanking dishes around as he cooked. At least he wasn't just eating cereal.
I watched as he sat down to a plate of eggs and toast and a worn book I wasn't familiar with- In the Cipher: Basquiat and Hip Hop Culture.
When he was finished with his meal, he just shuffled across the hall and lounged in the couch, never tearing his emerald eyes away from the engrossing novel I deduced was about Jean-Michel Basquiat. By how well-read the novel was, I wondered if he was Edward's actual favourite artist, not Michelangelo. That would have been a relief.
I decided then would be a good time to knock on the front door and get him to talk to me. I smoothed my blouse down and shook the remaining debris from my hair, pulling it into a ponytail. I probably looked a little wind blown and wild, but at least I was well fed and no longer had the dark circles under my eyes that can from a few weeks of not feeding.
I rapped on the door and heard him jump to his feet, letting the book slip to the floor as he shuffled to the door. He didn't even look very surprised to see me, but his jaw clenched and his heart rate picked up. He stood in the doorway, looking at me expectantly, not allowing me to come inside.
"Edward, please, we need to talk," I begged, stepping a foot closer towards him. He sighed deeply, but stepped aside, motioning for me to come in.
He led me to the couch, and I leaned down to pick up his discarded book. I flipped through it as Edward stood over me, too uncomfortable to sit next to me, seemingly unsure of himself in his own home.
"Water?" He offered quietly, breaking the silence. I shook my head and patted the cushion next to the one I was seated on. I normally would have taken a tea, something to warm my hands, but my coldness didn't seem to bother him anyways.
"Why won't you go out with me?" I got straight to the point, no need for mindless small talk between mates. I needed to hear his side directed at me, not just a fractured conversation between he and Alice that I shouldn't have even heard.
He looked down at his hands as he sunk next to me, playing with his sweater sleeves.
"B-because I d-don't underst-stand w-why," he confessed quietly. I leaned towards him, placing my hand on the area of couch directly next to his thigh. The warmth was radiating and intoxicating.
"Can you tell me what you mean?" I had gotten a master's in psychiatry a few decades prior, but the education was still valuable, especially when it came to talking to my mate it seemed.
"L-look a-a-at me," he said, blushing as he kept his eyes averted.
"I am," I said honestly, never able to tear my gaze away from him, and he looked up at me in surprise.
"I've never felt like this before."
"I'm b-broken," he whispered.
"How?" Was it this James and Victoria, or something else entirely?
"N-no one i-is sup-p-posed to l-like me."
"Why?" I was breathing deeply, trying to stay calm and be what Edward needed, but I knew the worry was still seeping into my voice.
"I'm n-not r-r-ready," his face was flushed, but I nodded and placed my hands over his, twisting our fingers together so he would turn and face me.
"That's okay. But can I tell you why I like you?" I couldn't let him know the extent of my feelings, not yet, but I couldn't leave him head thinking that I thought of him the way he saw himself.
He blushed, but now I was touching him, holding both of his hands in mine, and I was falling into his emerald stare.
"You're incredibly smart. I mean, look, you're reading a book on Jean-Michel Basquiat that you've probably read a million times," I waved our hands towards the book that was sitting on the table, "And you can always surprise me with your perspicacity, like the way you knew about David and Michelangelo. And on top of that, I think you're terribly interesting and, well, attractive." His face was slap-red, but his eyes held hope and his full lips were upturned. I couldn't stop my body from leaning towards him even if I wanted to, but he didn't seem to mind.
I could feel his electrifying heat on every inch of my skin; I let his heavy breaths wash over me. His breathing was slightly erratic and his heart was palpitating unevenly, but he just sat there and closed his gorgeous green eyes and I continued to lean in.
My lips met his, all soft and yielding and completely delectable. I felt like I was on fire, like I was changing all over again. The full ache that always seemed to be a constant presence snapped like a tight band, and I felt like I was flying.
It only lasted a few moments before I pulled back. I didn't want to push him too far if that wasn't what he wanted too. He had never specifically said he was at all attracted to me in any way.
But he was smiling softly, and when he opened his eyes, all soft lashes framing unimaginable depth, he looked happy for the first time since I had met him. His breathing was still erratic, and his heart had been beating all over the place. I was worried that he had developed some kind of fibrillation, or that he was going to pass out due to lack of oxygen.
"Ask me again," he gasped, breaking the silence we had held since I kissed him. My heart swelled.
And that was the first time a boy said yes to me.
I know it's shorter. Sorry :/
Who was your first kiss?