I'm sorry for the hiatus
Sunflower, Vol. 6 by Harry Styles
Sweet Little Angel- B.B. King
I had done my best, as I always did, to stay away from the office building where the therapist's office was while Edward was in there. We hadn't even gotten out of the car, I had just dropped him off at the glass doors and drove away, Alice in the back seat as if I was a taxi driver.
I had allowed her to pull me through boutiques around Port Angeles, where she dressed me up like a Barbie doll and even selected a soft red dress for the Sadie Hawkins dance for me. I happily purchased everything she found semi-interesting, mostly because I wanted to, but also because it almost seemed as though she expected it. The first store we had gone into was one of the only places in town that sold dresses. She had selected something for both of us, carried it to the counter, and looked to me to pay when it was rung up. Obviously, it was not something I had an issue with, but humans were usually more hesitant with money than Alice was.
Alice insisted on returning to the office before Edward's session was finished, and I realized it was far too difficult to argue with her.
"It'd be best if we waited for him for just a few minutes, rather than us go into another store, get held up with something, only to have Edward sitting around waiting to be picked up. Besides, I have to pee." There was no room for dissent, and I followed orders and drove to the office.
Alice jumped out of the car nearly the second I parked and sprinted inside, running so fast she looked like a flying fairy. Just as I shifted into drive to move away from the building and out of earshot, I heard my name, and I couldn't make myself move away.
"Is Bella your girlfriend?" a soft voice- Dr. Crowley- asked.
"I d-don't know. I like h-her th-though." Irrational as it was, that actually hurt me. I knew I couldn't expect too much from him so soon, being the fractured human that he was. But my feelings for Edward were so deep and limitless, so all-consuming, that to hear Edward say that he simply liked me… it was a pain I felt in my heart. "Sh-she's different. She t-t-trusts me, she t-t-told m-me a s-secret that m-meant a lot t-to her. And sh-she likes m-me too, f-for some reason."
"With good reason. You're a wonderful young man, Edward, and I'm glad someone is seeing that in you. Now, have you told her anything?"
"I-I've told h-her some th-things, but not ev-everything." There was a long pause in conversation, and though I couldn't quite hear what was happening, it seemed as though Edward was crying. "I w-want to though. I w-want her t-to know me."
"I know you feel you have trouble speaking. Keep up with the slow speaking practicing we talked about, but if you need to, you could express what you want to say in another way? Without words?" Another pause. "Just something to think about."
Papers were shuffling and they continued to talk about stuttering coping mechanisms, and Alice emerged from the building at last. But I was wholly preoccupied with what Edward said. "I like her".
I had always considered patience to be one of my strongest attributes, though it certainly wasn't in my human life. Immortality takes the immediacy out of existence, especially after five hundred years. But I was ready, right then and there. I wanted to turn Edward and to begin our new existence together, to teach him to run and hunt, to discover his strengths and weaknesses. I wanted us to be equals, to be able to share everything without hurting the other.
I didn't say a word as I drove back to Forks, just listened to the engine and tuned out Alice's singing as the green foliage blurred around us. In moments, we were back in front of the Swan house, just as a twilight rain began to patter on the windshield. Alice grabbed her bags and jumped out quickly, skipping up the wet steps and out of the rain. Edward remained, though, pulling at the frayed hem of his cable-knit sweater and looking at his hands.
He took a deep breath, his heart slowing to a soft tempo, before he began to ask, but then drew back and looked away. He was thinking hard, scratching lightly under the sleeves of his sweater. "Can we s-spend the day together n-next weekend? Just u-u-us?" He was speaking very slowly, deliberately. I could tell this wasn't what he wanted to ask me, that he was holding back.
I turned to look at Edward, nestled in the backseat with his seatbelt still buckled. His heartbeat indicated that he was calm, though he was still fidgeting with his wrists, the soft part marked with scars and scabs. And he was looking at me directly in the eye, his verdant eyes deep and mysterious. I had always considered Edward to be rather open, especially to me, but I couldn't glean his intentions with this request, nor what he had originally wanted to ask me.
"What did you have in mind?"
"Your m-meadow? Th-the one w-we w-went to for th-that Biology project?"
"Well sure, I would love that. I'm not sure if the weather will be nice, though. Knowing Forks…" I glanced outside at the rain, starting to pour down heavily. I heard an unfamiliar engine rumbling in the distance. An older truck with a rebuilt engine. I had spent enough time on this quiet street to place it as someone not from the neighborhood.
"Alice s-said it's g-going to be okay on S-Saturday."
"Saturday it is." I peered down the street, watching as a dark blue pickup rumbled up the street, headlights shining through the fog of rain. I could see the tanned skin and broad faces that indicated Quileute heritage.
"Not good," I sighed.
"What is i-it?" Edward asked, following my gaze out the window but likely not yet seeing what exactly I was looking at.
I looked over at Edward, then back down the street. "Another complication," I said sadly. We were dealing with so much already, navigating a blossoming relationship between a human and a vampire, unpacking Edward's emotional trauma from years of abuse… The wolves had served their purpose, breaking the treaty and telling Edward so I wouldn't have to break our laws and tell him.
I breathed deeply, letting the smell of undiluted Edward fill my lungs, and reached to the backseat to open the door for him. It would be best for me to leave before a confrontation came to pass with an elder of the Quileute tribe.
Edward got out quickly, flipping the hood up on his jacket to cover his mussed bronze hair, still looking down the street. It was raining harder now, and I wanted to nudge him inside quickly, get him out of the downpour, but there was no time. I told him I would see him the next day, then reached back to close the door behind him.
I revved the engine and pulled out quickly, the tires squealing on the wet pavement. The car flew down the street, away from the Black family. I pulled off the road and deposited the car behind some greenery, hopefully unnoticeable to the human eye. The car would be obvious as one of the Cullens, and I didn't need someone calling Charlie Swan about it while Quileutes were in his house.
It took me moments to get back to Edward. He was standing on the porch, Charlie behind him, smiling at the two people getting out of the car. The boy jumped out of the drivers seat and ran to the passenger's side, opening a wheel chair and helping his father out.
"This is a surprise!" Charlie called out.
"It's been too long," the elder Black answered. "I hope it's not a bad time." It is a bad time, I thought. Every moment spent with my Edward was precious, and I had been forced to leave him so abruptly, standing in the rain.
"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game!"
The boy smiled and answered in the affirmative, pushing his father up the porch steps with ease. The father, Billy, was staring intensely at Edward. I mentally cursed. He had either seen me, or Edward had mentioned me when he found out about my family in La Push. Either way, an elder of the Quileute tribe knew that I was in some way interested in the foster child of his best friend.
Alice was inside chatting a mile a minute, detailing to Jacob every item she had picked out that day, from a pink pashmina to the dress she had picked out for me.
"I think she'll ask Edward to the dance. I really hope she does, because that dress does not deserve to go to waste, let me tell you," Alice commented, talking about the silky number she had forced me into. That's what Edward had been about to ask me about! So much had been happening that a human dance hadn't really registered on my radar, much less did I think that Edward would want to go to one. I would have to ask him the next day if he would prefer to do that rather than go to the meadow. Or both. Everything. I would give Edward the world- as he deserved.
"Oh, is that who was in that other car?" The boy- Jacob- asked.
"Bella Cullen? Yeah, why?" Alice asked.
"Nothing, just explains why my dad was acting so strange."
"That's right," Alice laughed, "He doesn't like the Cullens."
"Superstitious old man," Jacob muttered under his breath. The television turned on in the living room to the Mariners game, and I heard two beers pop open.
"D-do y-you th-think he'll s-say any-anything t-t-to Charlie?" Edward spoke at last. I could hear that they were in the kitchen, and it sounded like Edward was the one slicing something- a tomato?- and frying some type of food. There was silence for a moment, some unsaid conversation that I couldn't see.
"I doubt it," Jacob finally answered. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since- tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."
"Yeah, Charlie really likes Bella. And he seems to have a fond opinion of the rest of the Cullens, especially Dr. Cullen," Alice said. I smiled widely. I knew Charlie liked both myself and my family, but it was nice to have it confirmed. We were so often deemed freaks and outsiders, usually shunned and avoided. Charlie was a genuinely decent human whom I would always protect.
Something was sliced, and food was eaten as the humans passed their time watching baseball and made inconsequential conversation. Alice spoke often, Edward only replied to yes or no questions, and slipped into his room before the game even finished. Charlie seemed stressed about the murder spree in Seattle, obviously worried the violence would spread westward.
We knew the culprits were vampires, of course, and I had to admit that the movement was unusual. The Pacific Northwest was heavily trafficked, of course, because of the lack of sun, but most vampires were nomadic. Whoever was in Seattle seemed to be settling there, and we couldn't allow that.
Eventually, we would have to make our way to the city and let them know there was already a coven with a permanent residence in the area.
I wanted to climb through Edward's window and hold him, my body ached with the pull to be near him. But I could feel that he needed to be alone. Therapy drained him, and he usually slept restlessly the night after.
Billy and Jacob left soon thereafter, and Alice and Charlie bumbled about in the kitchen, cleaning and bumping into each other, before they both went upstairs.
Edward slept surprisingly well that night, all things considering. The nights after therapy were usually fitful, but Edward seemed to be coping well lately. Especially since I was short with him while trying to escape Billy Black unnoticed.
Alice tossed and turned for several hours before settling into a deep sleep in the early morning. Once she did, I began to survey her room, ashamed I was snooping but lacking in the self-control needed to not look around. Her sketchbooks were lovely still, some filled with dark images and anger, some with beauty and happiness, but all very well done. There was even one that was solely dress designs- fashionable numbers that one would see on the runway. I flipped through, faded and dull memories of a human life filled with fashion and trend setting come back to me with each sketch.
One page towards the end of the book jumped out at me. It was a wedding dress, modest and made of ivory silk and lace sleeves. An absolutely stunning number with a fitted bodice and flaring waist, I traced my finger along the outline of the design. The next page, however, took my breath away.
It was the same dress, this time on the body of a lightly sketched out woman with full brown hair, her hand resting in the crook of a man's elbow. He was dressed in a dashing tuxedo as he towered several inches above her. This man was unmistakably Edward. Though the features on both were undefined, Edward's messy bronze hair was too unique. And the more I looked at the woman in the gorgeous gown… it had to be me. The outline of a heart-shaped face, the soft waves of brown hair. It had to be me.
I wanted to rip the page out and take it with me, but I obviously couldn't. I stared at the page, committing every detail to memory, then closed the book and placed it carefully under the two other books I had found it under.
I left just as dawn broke, needing to move my car before it got too light out and someone noticed it. Carlisle wasn't home, likely at the hospital, and Rosalie and Esme were out in the garden. They were planting morning glories, moving slowly at a human speed.
I walked over to join them, sinking down to bury my hands in the cool soil. I had made no plans to see Edward, and spending some time with my family after weeks of only being home to change my clothes seemed to be a good use of a Sunday.
Gardening was how Esme and Rose connected. They were often in the garden, planting and tending to new life. Even in this land of perpetual rain and clouds, the yard bloomed and blossomed with flowers and vegetables under their careful tutelage. In the back of the house, Rose had even managed to get sunflowers to grow, a fact which she was immensely proud of.
I had never felt the same connection to the earth. Rose and Esme both yearned for children still, and the creation of and tending to new life brought them great comfort. I had had children, I had been able to leave my human life behind on my own terms, and I never experienced the trauma and the loss that my mother and sister did.
We worked the soil together, arranging fragile roots and erecting poles for the flowers to climb upon as they grew. The morning glories Esme had chosen were exceptionally beautiful, with slender stems, romantic tendrils of heart-shaped leaves, and trumpet flowers of indigo and violet that would unfurl in the sun.
I moved inside when the flowers were planted. They had begun to prune in unison, plucking at the rose bushes that framed the driveway. Esme even made a show of getting pricked by a thorn, shaking her hand out and sucking her thumb. The clear melody of Rose's laughter followed me inside.
Emmett sat on the couch, angrily shouting through a headset in Japanese while playing a shooting video game. I greeted him and bade him farewell after showering and changing, but he didn't even say a word in return. Emmett would always be Emmett, the most one-track-minded vampire in existence.
I ran back to Edward. I had been gone for hours- a whole day- and I could feel my heart pulling me towards him. He was the sun- the center of my universe, and my world would always revolve around him.
Edward and Alice were on the couch reading while Charlie sat in his chair watching sports. I waited in the trees until night fell, content to listen to the gentle thumping of Edward's heart, then slipped into his room as everyone was sitting down for dinner.
His bed was made, so I laid down, Edward's scent filling my lungs and covering my clothes. I placed my head on his pillow and studied the soft bronze hairs that had clung to the fibers. I reached over to his nightstand and picked up a heavily annotated book on learning Italian. It seemed he was about two thirds of the way through, and each page had notes in the margins and words highlighted.
I rested my head on my arm and flipped through the book, noting how the language had evolved since the days of my youth. The colloquialisms were actually new to me, as I hadn't been in Italy since Carlisle and I had left the Volturi in the beginning of the nineteenth century. Engulfed in Edward's scent, I felt so relaxed I was almost giddy.
Edward came in and almost jumped when he saw me on his bed, then his skin flushed pink. I couldn't hold back a smile.
Every time I saw Edward, no matter how short we'd been apart, I felt completely enraptured. His bronze hair was tousled and tangled and glimmered softly, his skin pale but for the blush. I could see how his face had started to fill out with a consistent diet, his cheekbones and squared jaw were losing some angularity to the roundness of youth.
"Italian?" I asked him, cocking a brow in curiosity.
Edward shrugged and shuffled his feet, smiling slightly as his blush spread to his neck. Oh, how I longed to know exactly what he was thinking.
I sat up and swung my legs to the side of the bed. "Sit with me?" I asked, patting the bed next to me. His heart picked up a bit, thumping at a heavy rhythm as my grin grew.
"I n-need a minute t-to be human," he whispered, moving about the room to gather clothing and a bag of toiletries.
"By all means," I gestured with my hand, returning back to my casual position on the bed, reading his book.
He went upstairs, closing the door carefully behind him as Charlie was still watching right in the living room. Edward walked quickly up the stairs, his steps soft and graceful. I listened as he brushed his teeth and showered quickly, listened as his fingers raked shampoo through his damp locks.
I longed to be in there with him. I entertained the fantasy while he was still out of the room, allowing the venom to pool in the back of my throat with desire as I imagined standing beside him, soaking wet under the hot shower. We would finally be the same temperature, my skin absorbing the heat of the water, and I could run my hands through his hair and down his body. His pale skin would redden under the water and flush deeper as my hands travelled the length of his-
I had lost myself in the thought when Edward bounded downstairs. The water had switched off only a minute before, and he had toweled off and changed in moments.
"Night, Charlie," Edward called as he opened his bedroom door quickly.
He looked delicious, his skin reddened from heat and his hair dark and lying flat on his head. He had on the usual grey sweatpants and a holey T-shirt, and I stared through one of the holes in the fabric that gave me a peak at the soft skin of his abdomen.
"Nice," I appraised.
He frowned and tugged at his hair adorably, trying to give it an adequate part.
"No, really," I confirmed, smiling encouragingly. Yesterday felt like an eternity ago, but it was only a little over a day since I had overheard Edward confirming that he liked me.
"I just had a question, about your question? You said you wanted to go to the meadow, but I was wondering if you'd like to go to the dance instead?" I felt rushed and flushed, flustered in a way only Edward could make me feel, like a schoolgirl rather than a vampire who was over five hundred years old and had lived several lifetimes. But I had never felt like this before- not as a human, not as a vampire. Never had my cold skin felt hot
Edward didn't immediately respond, he instead looked down at his long, elegant fingers, which were folded together and resting on his knees. How I longed to reach out, to intertwine those digits with my own, to be enveloped in their warmth…
"What d-do you want t-to d-do?" He asked finally, speaking slowly and deliberately. I pulled back a bit to better study his face. That was a surprising response, though Edward never failed to surprise me. He was asking me what I wanted?
"As long as I'm with you…" I answered, trailing off because I was still stunned. Edward tore his gaze from his hands to me, his emerald irises glimmering in the soft lighting. He shook his head. Apparently my answer wasn't sufficient. "If I'm being entirely honest, I'd prefer to be alone with you."
I couldn't pull my gaze away from his eyes, trying to communicate the vast depths of my feelings in only a momentary look. Blood began to pull under his milky skin as his heart pounded, creating a lovely blush that built from his neck, up to color his high cheekbones with a rosy ripple. It was absolutely wonderful, and the venom pooled in my mouth in my desire to completely devour him.
Edward blinked and the pull I felt to him dulled, then he swayed a bit before closing his eyes completely. I was immediately at his side, sitting on the bed and holding onto his hand.
"Are you okay?"
He smiled and nodded, though his eyes were still closed. "H-how d-do you d-do that!" He exclaimed suddenly, his eyes popping open after his heartbeat stabilized. I knew what he meant. I had always been very careful around humans, to keep guarded and to move my gaze and blink and such. Besides, I had never been half as alluring as vampires like Rosalie, or Heidi.
"I'm sorry! I don't mean to," I laughed, relishing a bit in the power and pull I had over him. Edward dazzled me every moment of every day. His full lips pulled up into a crooked grin, and I rested my head on his shoulder gently while I caressed his long fingers.
We sat like that for several minutes, content to just be. Eventually, though, Alice had begun to breathe deeply, ready to drift off into the mysteries of sleep, and I didn't want Edward to be uncomfortable leaving Alice alone.
"Alice is sleeping," I said softly, lifting my head off his shoulder. "So we'll go to the meadow next Saturday?" I confirmed.
Edward nodded and squeezed my hand, his human touch so soft. I let go of him, though it always pained me to do so.
"Good night, Edward. I'll see you tomorrow," I promised, and flitted silently up the stairs to Alice's room.
The night past uneventfully, though I couldn't help but look into the same sketchbook and stare at the portrait of Edward and I in wedding outfits, and I returned home only to get my car and drive back. There was no point in changing clothes, especially when Edward's scent had saturated every fiber of that particular shirt and pair of jeans.
The morning was foggy and surprisingly cold. I pulled up just after Charlie had left, Alice skipping out the door in boots, knee-high socks, and a cute skater skirt, the moment I put the car in park.
Edward followed her out, a light smile on his rosy lips. He looked… content. Happy.
Alice got in the backseat, and Edward rode in front, reaching out to lace his fingers through mine with no prompting from me.
"You're cheerful this morning," I commented, glancing over at Edward. Alice had headphones in and was staring out the window, bobbing her head to the heavy beat of her music.
"I'm w-with you," he said simply with a shrug, his thumb rubbing the knuckle of my pointer finger. The heat of his hand warmed mine. I felt… human.
"What's y-y-your favorite color?" Edward asked, seemingly out of the blue.
"I don't really have one," I answered honestly, a little surprised, "Why?"
"J-just c-curious about you," He answered, smiling shyly at me. I wanted to pull him into my arms and never let him go, my sweet, sweet mate.
"Okay. I guess green- the color of your eyes," I grinned back at Edward, always careful to keep my teeth safely obscured behind a closed-mouth smile. He blushed again, a lovely rouge under his pale skin, and stared down at our hands, quiet but for some soft humming to the classical melody on the radio.
I parked in front, next to the Jeep, and quickly walked to the passenger's side to open Edward's door. Alice was already out of the car and walking up to Emmett and Rose, smiling and waving at them.
Rose looked completely floored, and she looked over at me. What is she doing? She asked quickly at a volume humans could not hear. I shrugged in response. I had grown used to Alice's quirks, and it seemed that the lack of healthy fear of vampires ran in the family.
Edward, always perceptive, noticed the exchange. "What?" He asked, looking over at Alice happily chatting up Emmett, and Emmett enjoying the attention and responding in kind.
"Rose wasn't expecting Alice to just walk up to them like that," I explained, weaving my fingers through his as we walked slowly past groups of whispering students, staring both at us and Alice with my brother and sister, "See, we're not totally used to humans just coming up to us. Well, Emmett and Rose aren't."
Edward over his shoulder at his sister with my siblings, still in the parking lot as Alice carried on a conversation with Emmett about some computer video game, which I had no idea Alice knew about, much less played. That girl was truly a jack-of-all-trades.
"Why d-d-do you seem s-so m-much more… ap-approachable?" He asked.
"Well, as sweet as Emmett is, he's a giant, which most people find intimidating. And Rosalie is easily one of the most beautiful women in the world," I could hear Rose smiling to herself as I stroked her ego, "We're natural predators, Edward. We're supposed to draw you in, but you're not supposed to be feel comfortable around us." I lightly squeezed his hand, careful to be gentle in the pressure.
"I put effort into being friendly and more human, as does Carlisle. We've spent a longer time than most in perfecting the act. So much so that it doesn't even feel like an act most of the time, it's just how we are."
Edward seemed deep in thought, his brow knitted together with a small v between them. We had walked all the way to Building 5, and I reached up to smooth the puckering at the bridge of his nose before leaving Edward at Varner's room just as the bell for first period rang.
I met Edward just outside Building 5 to walk over to Building 6 together, and he reached out and grabbed my hand of his own accord.
"Why d-did your family m-move to Fork?" Edward asked as we deposited our bags on our table. Each table sat only two, and we were working on group projects on creating our own Constitutions (a valuable activity that it seemed no one could appreciate, if Tyler Crowley and Mike Newton were the norm), so the room was busy and noisy.
"Well, we need to be in cloudy places, and there's no place rainier than the Pacific Northwest," I replied, pulling out the papers I had been taking our notes on. Edward had excellent ideas on Supreme Court reforms, and I had added hate speech limitations, but otherwise we were keeping much of the assignment true to the original. "Forks especially. It's hardly ever sunny, we get to be almost normal."
"Why c-cloudy? You h-haven't b-burst into flames y-yet," Edward said with a smile. I laughed out loud, surprised to be teased, and several heads turned to look at us. I grinned at Edward sheepishly and made a show of writing stuff down until everyone resumed talking and working.
"If it's sunny, I can show you this weekend. As long as you promise you won't be scared off," I said, mostly in jest, but also because, deep down, a part of me was so terrified he would reject me. I had been alone for so long I wasn't sure I would ever find my mate, and when I set eyes on Edward that first time, I knew instantaneously who he was to me. But he was still a human, a human with a lot of trauma and pain, and I had been harboring the fear that he wouldn't always want me, that he would want to marry and have kids and grow old, none of which I could give him. Not to mention leaving Alice behind, especially since he couldn't even sleep at night without knowing she was safe.
"Hey," Edward whispered, placing his hand on mine and stilling it from the amendment proposals I had been mindlessly writing out. "What a-are y-you thinking?"
"Not here," I shook my head, "Not now." I didn't need to burden Edward with my worries. We needed to focus on him now, not me.
"What's y-your f-favorite flower?" Edward asked, a welcomed distraction from my thoughts.
Our week went on as such. Edward continued asking questions, mostly impersonal. We talked about books and music and travelling. Edward couldn't understand why I named Wuthering Heights and Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and I struggled to explain how I could more readily identify with the darkness and pain in these novels than ones of happiness and love in those from the likes of Austen or the Brontës.
I told inoffensive stories of meeting Picasso and first travelling to the New World, and listened intently as he told me of the little he remembered of his biological parents, or when Alice had taken ballet and accidentally kicked him in the nose. I could still see the slight crookedness, a small bump that was a tad out of place. I thought it gave him character- a small flaw to improve upon perfection.
Lunch was especially wonderful. I was enraptured with Edward as he ate and interviewed me. As disgusting as human food seemed, watching Edward's lean fingers pick at it, his soft lips pursing as they enveloped each bite of food- oh how I longed to be that food, the bobbing of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. I was so overwhelmed with adoration.
The only deviation in our week came Thursday evening, when Charlie decided to take Edward and Alice to La Push- the one place I could not follow them. I also couldn't spend hours pacing along the border again. I nearly pulled my hair out in frustration, and any distraction, no matter how minor, would be welcome. At least when I had driven Alice and Edward to Port Angeles for their now-regularly scheduled appointments on Mondays and Wednesdays, I had Alice to keep me busy while Edward was in therapy, and Edward and I got to spend Alice's hour in the car together, close and warm, with his scent thick in the air.
I debated internally about going to the diner. I knew that Jessica, Angela, Mike, Lauren, Eric, and everyone else would be there. I could slide into our normal booth, holding a cup of steaming cup of coffee and listening to the gossip and backstabbing of a small-town high school. I had always gotten genuine enjoyment out of it before, but I didn't feel an attachment anymore. It wasn't only how they had disparaged and mistreated Edward, though that was a big part of it, but the trivial drivel felt so inconsequential now that my life had a greater purpose.
So it was to Carlisle I went. We had spent so little time together over the past two months, especially two incredibly momentous months.
"I'm here to see Dr. Cullen," I reported to the security guard in the main reception of the hospital. He asked if I had an appointment without even looking up at me, too engrossed in the magazine he was flipping through to be securely guarding anything.
"He's my father," I said with a smile. We had been pretending this for decades. After Carlisle turned Esme, it no longer seemed appropriate to be his companion or sister, even more so with the additions of Rose and Emmett. In a way, though, it felt right. Carlisle had saved me in more ways than one, and though I was older, he was always more wise, and I held a great deal of admiration for him.
The guard looked up at me in surprise, but printed out a visitor's badge for me and waved me through. The hospital was quiet and the halls reeked of antiseptic and particularly horrendous human food. It didn't take long to find Carlisle, I could pick his soft voice out of any crowd.
He was performing a surgery, just a routine appendectomy. I had joined him in surgeries before at this hospital under the guise of a student getting shadowing hours. I scrubbed in and donned the requisite but pointless protective gear before entering the operating room.
Carlisle smiled at me from under his mask, his golden eyes sparkling. He missed me too.
"Wonderful of you to join us, Bella," he welcomed me. I moved into the room further, one of the surgical nurses moving aside to make room for me next to the patient. It was an open appendectomy, not laparoscopic, and I could see from state of the surrounding tissue that the patient had undergone abdominal surgery in the past. I watched as Carlisle worked, every movement deft and precise.
This was one of the things I most admired about Carlisle. For me, my control seemed to come naturally, an innate need to not kill the people I loved that grew to an almost complete disinterest in feeding from humans. For Carlisle, it was difficult. His control came from practice and compassion, and he had spent centuries becoming completely desensitized to the gushing lifeblood that pulsed beneath him, so easily attainable.
Surgery finished quickly, with Carlisle sewing up the woman so that it seemed she wouldn't have a scar visible to the human eye. We washed our hands in silence, and walked back together. We didn't really need to talk. Even with so much happening in my life, Carlisle always seemed to know exactly where my head was at.
"Edward seems good. Happy, even," I answered an unasked question, breaking our silence when we were in his office. Carlisle was unable to hold back a full-toothed grin, and I smiled back at him. Smiles came so easily these days, it was any wonder how I felt any happiness before Edward.
"How much does he know, exactly?" He asked, flipping through a stack of charts. Carlisle always did his own charting, not wanting to risk the slightest error.
"Not everything. Not even close to everything. He knows that we're vampires, and he's got a rough idea of what that means, but we've never fully discussed it. I'm not totally sure what I should be telling him," I sighed exasperatedly, "Do I show him my strength, or speed? Or will that scare him away? Do I show him my skin in the sun, or will that scare him away? Where do I draw the line here?"
Carlisle nodded understandingly, and I knew exactly what he was going to say before he opened his mouth- one of the benefits of being together for hundreds of years.
"I think you should show him your true self. I dare say Edward has proved himself to be stronger than even you give him credit for, Bella, and you owe it to him to be as honest about yourself as he has been with you."
Sage wisdom is undeniable, but it did nothing to assuage my fear. I already knew I wasn't good enough for Edward. That much was easy to see. He was exceedingly gorgeous, and kind and compassionate to boot, with a drive and determination that most people, both human and vampire, lacked.
"Bella," Carlisle warned, looking up at me from his papers. He knew where my mind was going- that dark place of self-doubt and fear that occasionally reared its ugly head. I pushed away the thoughts, though they lingered in the back of my mind.
Of three things I was absolutely certain. I knew as well as any vampire that the connection between mates was unconditional and irrevocable. I knew that I loved Edward with my whole being. And I knew there was at least a part of Edward, though I wasn't sure how dominant this part was, that experienced this connection.
I assisted Carlisle in finishing his charts and paperwork mostly in silence, reflecting on his advice, and walked him out to his car.
"Do you want a ride home?" He asked, though he knew the answer. I shook my head, but before I could run off, Carlisle called me back.
"I just want you to know that I've been monitoring police reports and it looks like someone has been creating a lot of newborns in Seattle." He said. My breath caught in my throat.
"A newborn army?" I asked, aghast. Some vampires would create large groups of newborn vampires to gain control of a territory, since vampires are strongest and most brutal in their first year. But it was a highly illegal practice, one sure to draw the attention of the Volturi. And I could not afford the Volturi coming so close to us.
"I'm not sure yet. There's been activity for several months, as you know, but it appears to have escalated. I'll keep track of the situation and let you know." I felt confident in Carlisle's ability to keep everything in control, but it was still worrying. Newborns, so close to us, so close to Edward. Not to mention the looming threat of the Volturi.
Carlisle pulled out as I walked into the forest that so conveniently covered Forks, melting into the shadows as I ran to Edward.
By the time I made it back to Edward, he was already asleep, peaceful in his own bed. I took a moment to study his face before taking my post beside Alice. He seemed younger like this, his expression soft and not tense or troubled. His full lips were parted slightly, and a soft snore erupted from his throat. I laughed to myself. He was too endearing for his own good.
The following morning, Edward seemed especially happy and well-rested. He couldn't hold back a large, crooked grin the moment he saw me waiting in the driveway, and he continued his questioning. I occasionally got in a question edgewise, learning that he had begun to read Wuthering Heights again with a new perspective, and that he hated Romeo and Juliet. I laughed as he ranted about Romeo's fickleness and idiocy- how Romeo effectively destroyed his own happiness.
Rosalie sitting next to me surprised me out of my stupor. The day had flown by. I had been telling Edward of the time I had visited London and watched Othello at the Globe Theatre- a remarkable experience that I was more than happy to share- while we sat alone at our lunch table in the cafeteria. Alice had taken to sitting with Emmett and Rose, an action which thoroughly amused Emmett, and he was all too pleased to play along.
"Hi Edward. Bella, can we talk?" Rose smiled politely at Edward, then looked to me, pitching her voice low and continuing, "You need to hunt."
I sighed and rolled my eyes, but after a moment of evaluation I realized she was correct. I hadn't really noticed it, not even amongst fresh blood in Carlisle's operating room the night before, but my throat was burning. It had been three weeks, I realized, since Emmett and I had gone hunting together. Two weeks was usually as long as we let the hunger linger before satiating ourselves.
"It can wait," I told her audibly, indicating it was fine to talk in front of Edward. I didn't want him to feel left out, and he deserved to be a part of my life the way he had allowed me into his.
"Have you seen yourself? It can't wait," Rose insisted, sliding her foundation compact with a mirror towards me. I flipped it open and looked at my reflection, the obsidian eyes of a predator staring back. I quickly closed it and looked to Edward, who seemed lost in the conversation. I didn't want to leave him here, not even for a few hours. I didn't want to leave him unprotected and vulnerable.
"Rose thinks I need to… eat, but I don't want to leave," I explained, eschewing "hunt" and its connotation of violence. Edward knew we drank the blood of animals, but he didn't need to know the finer mechanisms of the feeding.
"Well y-you should go," Edward said immediately, his thick brows furrowing and creating a dimple at the bridge of his strong nose.
"Maybe later," I argued, still resisting the thought of leaving Edward's side for more than a couple of hours, "I drove Edward and Alice today, and-"
"Emmett can drive them home. If we leave now, you can be back by this evening," Rose eyed Edward warily. I knew she wasn't comfortable talking so freely in front of a human, and that she was waging an inner battle to be kind and understanding to both him and me. I looked back and forth between Edward and Rose for a moment, a little thrilled to see them on the same side. Eventually, I nodded acquiescingly.
"We can leave after lunch," I promised, though I felt incredibly uncomfortable about leaving Edward to Biology alone. Rose took that as her cue to leave, and she rejoined Emmett and Alice. Heads swiveled to watch her walk, her hips swaying gracefully and her golden hair bouncing. She couldn't be more ostentatious if she tried.
Edward's eyes were on me, though. He seemed to be searching for words, his lips slightly parted.
"I don't have to go, you know," I said, reaching out to touch his hand. I didn't want to do anything to make Edward uncomfortable or unhappy. I had gone far longer without hunting before, and I would gladly be uncomfortable if it meant Edward was safe.
And that was when Edward learned all about me.