I really am sorry for the hiatus. I actually did have these chapters written, but I had forgotten my password to this account, then got distracted by life and whatnot. So yeah. I hope the direction I took here is developed enough... I had another idea for where the story would go... So whatever, enjoy, don't enjoy; review, don't review.

Dark Was the Night- Blind Willie Johnson

Venus in Furs- Velvet Underground

My mate had come undone.

Edward was torn to pieces. Sobs ripped through his chest and tears streamed down his face, his body shaking as he gulped breaths.

Emmett and Rose left when they realized what was happening, and Esme wasn't far behind them. It was an intimate confession detailing some of the most gruesome moments of his life, and some of the most horrifying things I had ever heard. Even though we rarely had privacy from one another, there were still boundaries

I held him, still on the piano bench, his arms wrapped around my waist and my hands rubbing up and down his back in an attempt to provide some comfort. Occasionally, I whispered soft words of reassurance, but nothing seemed to help. The floodgates had been broken and his walls had come down, and there we were, clinging to each other.

It was late in the evening when I moved him. The sobbing had subsided a few minutes before but his breathing was heavy and ragged.

"Hey," I whispered, pulling back a little so my voice wasn't muffled in his shirt, "I'm going to take you upstairs, okay?" I waited for a nod, then scooped him off the bench. One hand held the bends of his knees, the other wrapped around his back as he buried his face in the curve of my neck.

He clung to me, his fists tight on my shirt. I moved faster than a human, but not enough to disorient him, holding him steady as I ran up the stairs.

Once in my room, I gently placed him in bed and laid next to him, never once separating us. He didn't seem to want to let me go, his knuckles white as his fingers gripped my arms. It was difficult to feel the difference in pressure, since it felt so soft anyways, and it was rare for a human to touch me so I didn't have much experience in that department.

They usually shied away from us- their natural predators. Carlisle and I had centuries of practice in being approachable and appearing kind, and we both developed the habit of acting human even when we were not around them. I fidget, he blinks, we shift our weight, and we don't think twice about doing it because it's such an ingrained action that it's now instinct.

But even then, humans feel our skin and know that something's wrong, or in the very least different. Before Edward, I had liked to think that Jessica and Angela were quite comfortable around me, but if we accidentally touched, they flinched away from the cold deadness of my skin. I had considered it completely natural, and never even thought that there could be an exception out there.

But Edward didn't seem to mind, though I was sure he felt it. He was constantly caressing my skin, twining our fingers together, or moving to wrap his arm around me as we walked. It was almost as if he felt a fraction of the gravitational pull that I experienced.

I thought, I hoped that he would maybe sleep. Instead, fresh tears came, this time not accompanied by the heart wrenching sobs but rather soft hiccups for breath.

I reached to the foot of the bed to pull up the thick comforter, wrapping it around Edward to protect him from my cold. As I expected, he pulled me under the blanket with him, his hands searching for my skin.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm right here, Edward. I'll always be right here." He pressed his face to my throat and I could feel the heat with each drop as it burned into my skin. I ran my hand up and down his arm.

"Bella?" Esme had come home, and spoke to me softly from the living room, "Will Edward be staying the night?"

"Yes," I whispered back, loud enough for both Edward and Esme to hear. It wouldn't be wise to leave him, and I certainly couldn't take him back to Charlie in this state. He didn't even like the walk up two flights of stairs, so I certainly wasn't going to subject him to a car ride and the scrutiny or embarrassment he might receive at his home.

"I'm going to call Chief Swan and let him know," Esme said, dialing a phone.

"Can you have Emmett and Rose stay with Alice tonight? Watch over her?"

I knew this would be a source of stress for Edward, especially in context for exactly why he didn't like to leave her alone. Esme promised she'd have them leave right away, and I felt Edward settle into me, his body losing some of its tenseness.

"Hi, Chief Swan? This is Esme Cullen. I'm sorry for bothering you so late, I just wanted to let you know that Emmett and Edward were playing videos all night, and they fell asleep on the couch. Would it be alright for Edward to spend the night? We have a guest room all ready and…" Esme walked outside to speak with Emmett and Rose, who were still keeping their distance.

"Esme called Charlie and let him know you're staying here for the night, and Emmett and Rose are going to be with Alice tonight, so you have nothing to worry about."

Edward nodded and held on to me tighter as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"T-Talk t-t-to m-me?" He asked, his breath ragged.

"Do you want a story?"

He nodded into my neck. I tried to think of something that wasn't terrifying that I hadn't already told him.

"I don't think I've ever told you much about my human life," I started, "Well, honestly, I don't remember much from it. When we change, the memories are blurry and fade. But, I do remember being incredibly clumsy when I was human." I smiled in spite of myself at the idea of missing a step or stumbling when I felt so completely in control of my body now.

"I could trip over a flat surface. It was like a special skill. But that wasn't how young ladies were meant to be. We were supposed to be graceful and collected, well-rounded and accomplished. You might even say Renaissance women.

"Well, I wasn't graceful. Not by a long shot. And I still have a pretty clear memory of dancing at this one diplomatic dinner. It was a commemoration of the Treaty of Bagnolo, which ended a war my father lost, and he wanted to show off all his children. I was the oldest, so entertaining the other young people fell upon me, and I was trying my best to keep the sons of our guests occupied and happy.

"I could be charming, sure, and people always liked me, but my younger sister was always better suited to the spotlight and everything that entailed. So the afternoon turns into the evening- these are all day events, mind you- and we break from the feast to dance.

"It was between courses, that much I remember. And my father had brought musicians from France, and they were playing livelier, faster music than I was used to, not the moderate tempo dances that I could stumble my way through.

"One of the boys- I'm not sure who- led me out on the dance floor, and I stepped on his toes until he passed me off on another boy mid-song. Well, he was trying to be careful about keeping his feet back while also trying to lead as I constantly stumbled into him.

"So he's trying to basically hold us together, and I'm not making it easy, and eventually it gets to be too much. He tries to lead us into a turn, I trip on my own feet and fall forward onto him. As he tries to catch me, he falls backwards.

"But it gets worse. He's falling backwards, and he pushes another girl who falls backwards, and she falls into the table. Food flies and the poor girl is on the ground, but a candle tips over and falls onto the table cloth which, of course, lights on fire. So now there's this roast mutton with a stew all over the floor and on this girl's dress, the whole table is on fire, and I'm standing there like an idiot watching as the whole party quite literally goes up in flames.

"It was a huge embarrassment, very scandalous. I'm not quite sure what happened after the fire, but I don't think I returned to the feast after that, and I'm sure I never danced after that while still human."

Edward was breathing deeply now, clearly falling into a deeper and deeper sleep. He hadn't really moved while I recounted the story as best as I could recall, still laying half on me with his arm wrapped around me. I rubbed a hand up and down his back, trying to convey all the comfort I could.

I moved to sit up more in the bed, shifting Edward so his head rested on my chest, his ear pressed to where my heart would be beating for him if it could. I stopped breathing so as to not jostle him, only occasionally sipping in a shallow breath to alleviate the discomfort of being cut off from an essential sense.

His slumber was restless, though, and he woke up often.

"Bella?" Edward called. He had only been sleeping for about an hour, and he had only moved closer to me in his sleep, his leg wrapped around my own until he was almost laying on top of me.

"I'm right here, Edward."

"O-Okay." He sighed, then fell back asleep.

I began to hum the soft notes of one of the pieces he had played earlier, and noticed as his breathing relaxed and body became less tense.

I moved my hand from his back to stroke his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp. His hair was always so soft and messy, such a contrast to the boys who spent hours trying to attain the unkempt look. And the color! I had never seen hair such a shade, like a penny, but deeper, more complex, with varying shades as each strand seemed different from the next on a red-to-brown gradient.

"D-Don't l-l-leave," he begged, awake again with fresh tears. It was in the dead of night now- just after three.

"No, no, I'll never leave you. Never." I promised, holding him close. His grip tightened so I knew he felt like his fingers were digging into my skin.

"'Nother s-s-story?" His eyes were closed, but he seemed more conscious than the last time he spoke.

"Hmmmm, did you know that Carlisle met Esme when she was still a teenager?"

I knew I hadn't told him, and he shook his head, still resting on my collarbone. I didn't understand how he could possibly be comfortable. I knew to him it must have felt like laying on stone, cold and unyielding and not at all pliable and warm like a human girl would be, or in the very least a pillow.

I told Edward about when Carlisle first came across Esme with her broken leg. We had been in Columbus for six years by then, and our time to leave was nearing. But Carlisle, like myself, felt the connection immediately. We stayed within the area, Carlisle watching over her as she married, fell pregnant, ran away. I glossed over the details- the abuse, the quick death of her newborn infant, her suicide attempt- but the heart of the story remained.

Edward fell back to sleep before I finished the story, his breathing evening out when I talked about the move to Ashland. I had, of course, been understanding. I had been around plenty of other mated vampires before, but I had never truly appreciated the utter intensity of the devotion until Edward and I locked eyes in the cafeteria.

Carlisle and I had discussed the mating bond in great depth over the years, and after he met Esme, we had come to the conclusion that it was simply stronger for us than our human drinking counterparts. Eleazar and Carmen, and Emmett and Rose were further evidence of the claim. For nomads, it was still an eternal tie, but if one perished, the other could move past, find distractions and solace in blood.

For us? I knew that if Edward was gone… I didn't even want to harbor the fleeting thought, it made my whole body tremble in some unspeakably painful emotion.

Carlisle came home as the sun began to rise, and Esme recounted to him what had happened. He ran up the stairs and stood outside my closed door so we could speak without my disturbing Edward, who was still agitated in his light sleep.

"Is he okay?" Carlisle asked, and I knew he was asking about his health in the physical sense.

"Yes, he's fine. No fever, not dehydrated, his blood smells fine… He hasn't been sleeping well, though I suppose that's to be expected." As I said it, his breathing changed. I knew it wasn't me, but likely the reaction to the light that was beginning to stream in.

"Carlisle, can you please come in and close the blinds?" Esme had installed black-out blinds when she renovated the house with the whole back of the house with floor-to-ceiling glass. I had never understood the point- what does light and dark matter to a vampire?- but in that moment I was incredibly grateful.

Carlisle opened the door silently and flitted in, pulling the blinds closed so the room darkened once more. Edward settled back into me.

Carlisle crouched next to the bed and breathed deeply, then leaned over and touched one finger to the back of Edward's neck, so softly he didn't even stir in his restless slumber.

"No fever," he confirmed, "And he smells fine." Carlisle looked down at us, taking in the state of intimacy as our limbs tangled beneath the thick blanket.

"He'll be okay." I sounded more confident than I truly was. The trauma that Edward had experienced in his short life was unimaginable, but what if it was also insurmountable? I knew there were things humans never got over, so what if this was one of those?

"That was a big step. I have a feeling that everything will get better from here." Carlisle turned and left, closing the door quietly behind him. Esme waited for him in the kitchen, and they embraced, content to just hold each other.

Edward grumbled incoherently. I continued running my fingers through his hair and hummed every Chopin tune I knew, but Edward stirred, and his eyes fluttered open.

"Bella," he cried, his brows knitted together and his green eyes glistened, "D-Don't g-g-go."

I caressed his face, my finger moving to collect an errant tear rolling down his cheek.

"I'm right here, my Edward. You can sleep, I'm right here." He closed his eyes at my reassurance, but his hand moved and actually startled me.

One arm had been tucked into his chest, and the other had been resting on my shirt, the fabric of which he clenched when he awoke, like he was gripping to keep me with him. But then, he moved his hand down so it slipped under my shirt and held the curve of my side.

I knew there was nothing remotely sexual in his touch, he was simply desperate to be closer to me. But his hand felt like a flame on my waist, setting afire a place no one had touched in my existence.

He woke up for real just after eleven in the morning. The blinds were drawn so the room was dark, but his stomach rumbled with hunger and he turned over on his back, still holding me but no longer laying on me.

I missed the weight of his warm body against mine, and the heat of his hand on my side.

"Good morning, Edward," I sang softly, still playing with his hair, gently pulling out the tangles, "Would you like some breakfast?" Esme was already in the kitchen, flipping through magazines but ready and waiting to whip up anything Edward could want.

"No, d-d-don't l-leave," He rolled back over to lay on his side, his soft arm wrapping around my torso.

"I'm not going anywhere, Esme can bring food up. Breakfast in bed, how does that sound?" I brushed the hair from his face but he stubbornly kept his eyes closed. His grip on me tightened. "It's okay, Edward, it's okay."

"Esme, would you please make a little of everything and bring it up?" I let Edward rest, awake but with his eyes closed, until Esme stood at the door with a tray filled with plates of disgustingly sweet human food.

"Esme's at the door with food. Would you like her to come in, or can I go get it?" I asked. I didn't know if he wanted anyone to see him like this, but I also didn't know if he wanted to be separated from me, even if it was only for a moment.

"C-Can you g-g-get i-it?"

I kissed the crown of his head softly, then lifted his arm off me. I was back in bed in a moment, the tray in one hand and the other arranging pillows so Edward could sit up. His eyes were open- bloodshot, tired, more guarded- but he wouldn't meet my gaze.

I placed the tray in front of him, but he just picked at each plate- a bite of pancake, a spoonful of yogurt, but nothing substantial. He usually inhaled the food put in front of him.

In an attempt to break the ice, I reached over and plucked the fork from Edward as he spun it around in a dish of scrambled eggs, scooping some on and popping it in my mouth. It felt like I had eaten more human food in the past two months than the five hundred years before.

It was heavy and repugnant, and I felt the food slide down my esophagus to sit in my stomach, waiting to be regurgitated.

He finally looked up at me, brows knitted together in curiosity. I smiled and handed the fork back to him.

"Just checking. Tastes as disgusting as ever," I said with a smile. His lips twitched a bit, but there was no crooked smile that melted my cold heart, no light in his tender eyes. I sighed and slid into bed next to him. It was just a few hours before that Edward and I were laying in the sun, surrounded by the blooms of fragrant wildflowers, running through the forest and kissing so softly I felt breathless.

But what I had learned was important to know, and it was important to Edward to tell me.

He ate more of the eggs and two slices of French toast before pushing the tray away., curling into my side and sighing heavily. I reached an arm around to hold him, occasionally reaching up to touch his silky hair.

"How are you doing?" I asked, breathing his scent in deeply, so strong with the crown of his head right under my face. My throat tickled a bit, but in no significantly noticeable way- I still felt heavy from hunting with Rose. It wasn't as if I was tempted by any human, much less the center of my existence.

"I'm e-embarrassed," he mumbled into my shirt. I put a finger under his chin, pressing gently to force his head up, opening his face to me.

"There is nothing for you to be embarrassed about," I said fiercely, looking deeply into his eyes and trying to convey how intensely devoted I am to him.

"E-Everyone h-h-heard," he ducked his head down, tucking his face into my neck. I smelled the salt of tears in the air again, though I didn't feel anything against my skin.

"Oh Edward, they left when they realized… what you were talking about. And even so, there's nothing to be embarrassed about," I ran my hand through his hair, "We all have perfect hearing and have lived in the same house together for decades. There aren't exactly a lot of secrets in this family." If he only knew what I had overheard, living with two other couples- the intimate moments, the confessions, the pillow talk.

He was silent for a long while as I softly scratched his scalp.

"Do you want to take a shower, or use the bathroom? I have towels and a toothbrush and everything." I should have asked sooner, been more conscious of his human needs.

When he nodded, I put the tray on the bedside table, and helped pull him out of bed. His jeans and button-up were wrinkled and stiff, and I realized it probably wasn't the most comfortable clothing to sleep in- something else I should have been more wary of.

I showed him to the bathroom and laid out everything he needed, then left him, standing in the bathroom, staring at the mirror.

I waited for a while, expecting to hear some movement, but nothing. Just Edward's heart and breathing. Several minutes passed, and my concern grew. I didn't smell any blood, so I knew he wasn't scratching at his arms, creating those horrible bleeding burns that marred the soft skin of the inside of his arms.

I had worried that, since he had picked open very real emotional scabs and scars last night, he might resort to picking at the physical ones as well as a coping mechanism.

Then, he began to move around, and the shower turned on. In the meanwhile, I cleared the tray away, depositing in the sink in the kitchen for Esme to clean. I took a second to wonder at my flowers, sitting in a delicate vase on the kitchen counter. It was the single sweetest gesture anyone had ever done for me.

I flew back up to the third floor- Edward still in the shower- and entered Carlisle and Esme's room. I rooted around through the dresser until I found clothes I thought would suit Edward, then returned to my room.

I set the clothes aside for when Edward turned the shower off, then tidied up the room. I felt… lonely, which was ridiculous because Edward was one room away from me.

I made the bed, straightened the stacks of books sitting around my room, opened the blackout blinds so the gossamer curtains let a little light in, though it was raining outside so it wasn't very bright anyway.

And Edward was still in the shower.

I knew enough from always being near him that this wasn't normal. He usually showered quickly, never for longer than a few minutes. And it had been exactly thirty-three minutes.

I knocked on the door softly. "Edward, are you okay in there?" No response. I was anxious, now, an emotion unfamiliar to me. "Edward, is everything alright?" I said a little louder, certainly loud enough for him to hear me through the door and over the sound of the water.

"I'm going to come in, okay?" I waited for a refusal, and when I didn't get one, I opened the door. The steam poured out, completely fogging the mirrors and making the air feel heavy and dense.

"Edward?" I said again, not wanting to breach his personal space. Still quiet. Did he slip and fall and I somehow hadn't noticed? I didn't see how that could be possible, there's no way I wouldn't have heard. "Okay, I'm just coming to check on you."

I peeked behind the shower curtain, and there he was, curled into a ball in the tub, his arms wrapped around his legs and chin resting on his knees. His skin was an angry red from sitting under the hot water, and his face was blank, not even registering my presence.

I quickly turned the shower off and covered him with a towel, wrapping it around his shoulders. I knelt down to look at him in the face, studying his slack expression.

"You still in there?" His brow furrowed. "Do you want to get out?" His whole body was flushed, I was worried about overheating. I reached down to pull him up by the arms, shifting the towel to preserve his sense of modesty, though something like that was the furthest thing from my mind. I no longer even had an urge to change him into a vampire as I had before, nor view him in any sexual manner.

I finally understood what it meant to become what he needs.

He seemed almost catatonic- in a state of complete withdrawal. I got him dressed with very little assistance on his end, then led him back to bed. He didn't fall apart, but he didn't exactly keep it together.

I let him wrap himself around me, resuming the position we laid in throughout the night, his wet hair soaking into my shirt. He went from resigned to angry the moment I wrapped my arm around him and drew him close to me, his jaw tightening as he clenched his teeth.

"I'm n-not g-g-good f-for you, Bella." He looked down and away from me, avoiding my eyes. The words stung, though I knew them to be false.

"There is nothing about you that could be described as not good," I reached forward to hold his face in my free hand, gently forcing his head up to look at me. He shivered at my touch, but didn't flinch away, which I took as a sign to continue, "You are everything good in my world. Before you, I was aimless, wandering. I didn't know it then, but I was empty." I brushed my thumb across his high cheekbone to collect a tear.

"I've entrusted with you my greatest secret, the truth of my nature, and I did it readily and willingly because I don't want to hide from you. I don't want to hide from you. And I don't want you to hide from me." He couldn't hold eye contact with me, bending his neck to rest his head on my shoulder and hugging himself to me. His body still felt incredibly warm, and his skin was skin pink from the heat- I was glad for once that I could cool him down.

He seemed to resign himself from his anger, accepting my declaration for the moment. I figured the insecurity would come up again- how could it not, considering what those disgustingly despicable humans had put him through.

I entertained the stray thought of finding them- this James and Victoria who had so deeply scarred my reason for existing. Edward seemed to imply they had disappeared into thin air, though police were looking for them. I had no experience tracking, but how hard could it really be, finding two deplorable humans? I pushed the thought aside for another time, knowing I couldn't leave Edward for any extended period of time to go looking for them.

"You didn't eat very much for breakfast. Do you want anything for lunch?" Esme wasn't home- the house actually empty for once, with Emmett and Rose still watching Alice. Just then, his stomach grumbled again, and I couldn't hold back a laugh. Still holding him to me, I pushed us off the bed.

He was incredibly touchy for the rest of the day, unwilling to allow any physical separation. He kept pulling me to him, wrapping his arms around me, twirling my hair with his fingers.

I tried to make a sandwich for him, standing at the counter, but he stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and I actually lost track of what I was doing- even something as simple as making a sandwich with cold cuts.

"Where i-is e-everyone?" Edward asked as the sun began to drip below the tree line. We were laid out on the couch, entangled with each other and watching some mindless TV movie. Edward was playing with my fingers absentmindedly, and had pulled me near him so my legs were draped over his.

"Carlisle and Esme are hunting, I believe. And Rosalie and Emmett are watching Alice. We do our best to respect each other's privacy, though sometimes it's not easy or impossible."

"I d-didn't m-mean to h-have Emmett a-and Rosalie w-waste th-their day b-because I'm-"

I cut him off. "Don't even think twice about it. It is truly not an imposition. Besides, Emmett gets a kick out of Alice. No one ever just walks up to him and chats him up like Alice does." I laughed, thinking of his completely bewildered expression the first time Alice strolled right up to him.

"H-How g-g-good is your m-memory?" Edward asked out of the blue, interrupting one of the characters on screen as he professed his undying love.

"I have perfect recall, but the human memories are a little fuzzy and faded."

"S-So if I a-asked what you w-were d-doing in eighteen oh-one o-on November th-thirteenth?" I couldn't discern the motivation for the question before deciding to attribute it to pure curiosity.

"Carlisle and I were in New York City. We were working in smallpox inoculation, though we were mainly focusing on the development and bettering of the vaccine rather than actually administering it," I explained, "Carlisle was still practicing his self-control then, so it was best to only expose him to blood in small doses."

Edward looked contemplative. "A-And February f-first, s-sixteen thirty six?"

I bit my bottom lip nervously. That was when I was with the Volturi, and a time that I wanted to avoid telling Edward about in too much detail.

"Ah, that was before Carlisle. I was with the Volturi- I told you about them. The governing body of vampires in Italy." Nothing noteworthy had happened on the date in question anyway, so it didn't feel like too much of an omission.

He accepted the nondescript answer and turned his attention back to the movie as I traced circles on the back of his neck.

The movie ended- boy and girl of course ending up together after breaking up over a silly misunderstanding- and Edward got off the couch, reaching his arms up to stretch as his back popped.

"Would you like some dinner?" I offered, though there wasn't much food left in the refrigerator besides cold cuts and bread.

Edward shook his head. "H-Home?"

Of course, I knew he needed to go home. It was a Sunday, a school night. And it was likely the longest he had been away from Alice since they moved to Forks. Even still, it had been so relieving to spend so long together, just the two of us with no interruptions or intrusions.

"Home it is," I agreed, letting Edward pull me off the couch.