A few people mentioned not being able to tell that I'm not a native English speaker! Thank you, but I'm so surprised! My boyfriend says I have terrible grammar, so maybe he's the one who's wrong.

Sorry I haven't been updating again. It's tough to write a nice, loving story when there's so much shit out there. I encourage everyone here to go out and protest for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and every Black life taken too soon. If you can't, please consider donating to a bail fund! Stay safe everyone!

Try A Little Tenderness- Otis Redding

Piano Concerto No. 2 in C Minor- Rachmaninoff

73%

I sighed in relief at the marking. I knew it. He couldn't have failed. He really did work hard on the material, I could see that he even drew himself a unit circle on the first page to reference for calculations. I slipped the papers back in and sealed it, studying the crease to make sure that no human would notice that it had been opened, and waited the last few minutes for the school year to end.

Edward and Emmett had been chatting throughout the class, mostly about music, as both had a fondness for punk rock, and Emmett whispered stories about going to rock shows and meeting famous artists during the 60s and 70s. Edward was so intrigued, I made note to pull out some photographs of Emmett in leather outfits so Edward could get the full visualization.

They walked out with the press of students, still laughing about an Iggy Pop anecdote that Emmett loved, and Edward immediately brightened when he saw me, slipping an arm around my waist while still talking to Emmett. It was nice, how comfortable and natural we fell into step, and Edward's earlier anxiety had seemed to melt away, but I could see the tension he still held in his shoulders. He was still nervous about his performance, and I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I was bouncing on the balls of my feet, feeling very much like Alice, when I turned and handed him the envelope.

"What's th-this?" he took the envelope and looked at the outside, not seeing any addressing.

"Why don't you open it?" I was grinning wildly as he opened it, and Emmett backed away, ever conscious of the risk of paper cuts. The envelope was gaping, the white of the paper peeking out the top, but Edward didn't check his grade. He was too busy looking at me, his green eyes narrow as he studied me.

"You a-already looked, didn't y-you?" he said accusingly. My excitement dampened and my bouncing stilled as I swallowed the venom trickling down the back of my throat, an involuntary response to feeling cornered. I nodded, averting my gaze from his unreadable face to examine the fraying threads at the collar of his cotton shirt.

"I d-didn't f-f-fail, then?" I looked back to his eyes, my eyes lingering on the soft, crooked smile splayed on his full lips, and I returned the grin in kind, my panic over his perceived anger gone.

"No, you didn't fail! And I am so insanely proud of you!" I threw my arms around his neck and drew him to me in a congratulatory hug, the envelope with the exam drifting to the ground as Edward dropped it when reaching to spread his hands across my back, returning my embrace.

"I passed," he said in wonderment, the relief palpable.

"You passed! I knew you would, I really did. And even if you didn't pass, that wouldn't have changed anything," I had to drive in the reassurance, make sure he understood that he was valued no matter what.

Edward held me to his chest, his heat cocooning us as his soft body molded to my own, my ear pressed right on top of his heart. The world around us faded. No longer were students rushing around, hooting and hollering as summer beckoned them. It was just a blur of color, insignificant and not worth acknowledgement when I could see the subtle bounce of his heart from his chest, his supple skin infinitesimally expanding and contracting with the beat.

I reached a hand up to press it to his chest next to my cheek, feeling the vibration of his skin under my palm. I lifted my hand to press a finger to his chest, just next to the middle of his sternum, to use my sharp nail to slice open the flimsy green shirt that dared to obscure his skin from me.

"Bella!"

Emmett yelled, and I was broken from my spell. I pulled back from Edward's embrace, noticing, for the first time, the heavy pool of venom in my mouth and the completely inappropriate throbbing heat at the apex of my thighs.

I turned to see Emmett pushing through the thrum of children, the crowd parting to make way for his massive form. His brows were arched, golden eyes alert with worry. And rightfully so.

I looked up at Edward to see him blushing and tugging a hand through his hair, his signature nervous habit. He had no idea what had almost happened, right there at the edge of the parking lot in front of the entire population of Forks High.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked when he reached us, looking to Edward. He looked confused, thick brows furrowing so a small v formed at the bridge of his nose, but shrugged in assent. Emmett turned to glare at me, and I shied away from his gaze. I couldn't remember the last time I saw him truly angry, not just in jest.

"Do you see where we are?" He asked, sarcasm dripping like acid. I felt myself burning from the shame, an angry flame that threatened to consume rather than the smoldering warmth I felt with Edward.

"Yes," I said quietly, my voice small. He was right to admonish me, and I deserved to take it. There was no excuse for my lack of control, my inability to draw a line and stick to it when it came to boundaries of intimacy. Edward had made it clear that he wasn't comfortable moving forward with our physical relationship beyond soft kisses and, despite the aching in my chest that longed to make him mine and let him make me his, I knew, intellectually, that I needed to respect him and be what he needed.

That didn't make the pull of our bond any less potent, though, and it called me to him, my body singing for his every touch.

"You need to get ahold of yourself. Right. Now."

Edward pulled himself into me, my body too stiff to move to him, and tucked me into his side.

"Hey, s-stop it," he said shakily, his voice like smooth honey to soothe my burning.

"No, he's right. Thank you for coming, Emmett. Let's go home now, okay?" I just wanted to get out of there, away from the curious glances of onlookers and the spot of my embarrassment. I reached down to pick up the forgotten envelope with the catalyst to my lapse and slung my bag over my shoulder, books clapping together.

Alice sat again in the middle, a welcome barrier to me being too close to Edward, though our hands were clasped behind the seat. Charlie was home, so I felt comfortable leaving Edward and Alice alone, and figured Charlie would want some time alone with them to celebrate their last day of school.

"I'll see you later," I promised Edward, walking him to the door.

"A-Are y-you okay?" he asked, trying to tilt my chin up so he could see my shameful face. I did not deserve his gentle touch, nor his concern.

"I'll explain later," I said, dreading the moment I would have to reveal to him just how desperate I was. I could see him, his beautiful face twisting in disgust as he pushed me away, realizing how inhuman I was, how my love for him was too much to bear.

"I love you," he said confidently, though I was sure that was soon to change. I replied in kind, hoping he couldn't hear the tremble in my voice.

"Hey, kids!" Charlie called out, poking his head through the door to spot Edward and me on the porch, "Congratulations on making it through the school year. I was planning on taking the kids to The Lodge tonight for an early dinner, you're all welcome to join. I know your parents aren't around tonight." Charlie blushed a little, and I knew he was both unused to speaking so much, and more than a little intimidated by Emmett and Rose, who sat in the Jeep with the windows down.

"Thank you for the offer, but I don't think we can tonight," I said politely, stepping back from Edward to walk down the front steps.

"Speak for yourself!" Emmett called out, jumping out of the car and slamming the door behind him. I winced a little, hearing the tell-tale sound of a crack somewhere in the metal frame, and Rose glared at her husband from the front seat. "I'm always down for some Lodge food. Plus, Edward's got that game now, maybe we could play some?" He looked to Edward in confirmation, and he just nodded before looking to me in confusion. I shrugged without answer.

I didn't know what Emmett was up to, but he seemed to be urging me away, and I felt ashamed enough that I wanted to wallow for a little while anyways. I excused myself and jumped into the front seat, pausing for a minute to listen to Emmett and Charlie discuss their anticipation for Game 1 of the NBA Finals that night, with Emmett betting on the Pistons and Charlie the Spurs. Alice chimed in and said she liked the name of the coach for the San Antonio Spurs, and she was thus siding with Charlie.

"Are we leaving, or are you going to sit there and mope all afternoon?" Rose snarked, picking at invisible debris under her perfectly manicured fingernails. She was right. I didn't deserve to be there, listening in on their family bonding and fun. I slid the seat several inches forward to be able to reach the pedals, and pulled out.

"You need to grow a fucking pair and be honest with him." Rose's tone was cool and not angry, but immediately elicited annoyance from me.

"You know I can't be honest with him."

"And why not?" Again, she wasn't being confrontational, just… clinical. Objective, even.

"You know why."

Rose sighed and turned in her seat to face me head on, and I turned to look at her, only needing to keep the road in my periphery to focus. "If you keep treating him like he's some fragile little kid, he's never going to see himself as your equal because that's not how you view him," she threw a hand up as I opened my mouth to object, the outrage bubbling in me, "Don't look at me, you know deep down I'm right. He's not dumb. If anything, he's more observant than even you give him credit for. He figured out what we are all on his own, didn't he? Don't you think he knows something is wrong?"

"So what, I should just tell him that this all-powerful ruling vampire group is coming after me, and they're going to kill him and me and you and everyone we know unless he's a vampire. Oh, and to top it all off, I'm so fucking desperate for him I almost ripped his shirt off in the middle of the school parking lot just a few hours after he had a panic attack about a math test? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, Rose. Thanks." I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly I could feel it start to give, and had to force myself to loosen my hold before Emmett killed me for wrecking his Jeep. He was already mad enough at me for one day.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying," Rose said, still calm and collected and not at all affected by my outburst. I looked at her incredulously. "You're not his mother, you're his partner. His equal. His mate. That means something, and I know you want to protect him, but you're making it worse by not telling him anything."

"And then I tell him and get to watch as he runs for the hills screaming," I chuckled mirthlessly, pulling onto our driveway.

"Give him a little more credit than that, Bella. He deserves more."

"I know he deserves more."

Rose slammed her palm onto the dashboard, creating a handprint-crater on the vinyl. "Goddammit, I'm sick of this. I get that you feel inadequate, but have you ever thought that maybe he experiences a fraction of the pull you feel to him? That maybe you're selling yourself and Edward short?"

I didn't want to hear it anymore. I slammed on the breaks, leaving the Jeep in front of the house, and stormed off, desperate to run off the pent up energy I was holding. Everything from the past few months was building and brewing like a raging tempest. And what if it broke me?

"Bella, stop. We need to talk."

I had barely made it a mile past the Sol Duc River, letting my feet carry me where they may, when Rose rounded around and stopped in front of me. I felt like a surly teenager, but I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. In all honesty, I didn't really even want to run anywhere except back to Edward. I wanted to wear a pretty dress with my pretty boy and enjoy a nice dinner with his family. I just wanted to be normal.

"Do you have any idea what it was like for Emmett and me at first?" I dropped my arms in surprise.

"Of course. I was there, wasn't I?"

"I told Emmett everything as soon as he was sane enough to comprehend," she started, and I nodded. As with all newborns, Emmett's first few months were consumed by one thing: blood. Though they were eventually infamous for their amorous exploits, Emmett's focus wasn't on sex, at least, not in the beginning. "And he was very comforting and kind, of course. But he didn't touch me. Not in the ways I wanted to be touched. I had thought those men left me broken, but I didn't even realize I could be whole until I saw Emmett and I just knew." Rose got that faraway, dreamy look in her eyes that she rarely allowed to slip. I wasn't even sure Emmett often saw this side of her- the emotionally raw Rose. "I just wanted to make new memories, and I wanted to know that he wanted me, too. That he didn't see me as damaged or less than.

"Now, I'm not saying Edward's gonna jump your bones right there because, let's be honest, that boy has a long way to go. But I think you should let him know that he is wanted for more than just an errant kiss and some virginal handholding."

I swallowed, thinking and uncomfortable under Rose's intense scrutiny. She rarely spoke so much, usually allowing her blatant body language speak on her behalf. That she felt strongly enough about this to voice her concerns and impart her advice really meant something.

Besides Carlisle, Rose was my closest confidante, my best friend. I had created her, and we had an unspeakable bond in that- even if she harbored resentment over it.

I just… I couldn't leave her in the street like that. Carlisle and I worked to address her wounds, trying to help in any way we could, but she was destined to die. But she was so gorgeous- astoundingly so for a human. And with her blonde hair splayed out around her like a golden halo, and her piercing blue eyes fluttering open to watch us, resigned and giving up… There was something about her that reminded me of my sister.

They were so full of life. I knew of Rosalie Hale before Carlisle and I found her on the street. She was tantamount to a local celebrity in Rochester, and I had seen her walking the streets with her friend and a baby. She loved that child, holding and cradling him as if he was the most precious creature on earth. My sister had been the same- enamored with children, the life of every party, the envy of every girl.

I couldn't leave her behind. Such life and beauty deserves to be preserved, not denigrated and disrespected like Rose had been. So, after only a short consultation to make sure Carlisle was approving, I knelt down, took her hand in mine, and let my teeth pierce through the paper-thin skin of her inner wrist.

I knew that Rose and Emmett hadn't been immediately intimate. When Emmett awoke after his change, he was stronger than I had even thought possible, and it took a great deal of persuasion and teaching to show him how animals would sustain us. We didn't even tell him about the alternative of human blood until he was in control of himself months later.

But it seems as if Emmett was as hesitant as me. I just… I didn't want to trigger anything or cause a panic attack. I wanted us to take everything at his pace with no pressure whatsoever.

Which brought me back to: "And what should I do about the Volturi?" I was no longer belligerent. I just wanted her advice, cool and objective.

"I… If I was you, I wouldn't tell him about the extent of the danger. I would just say that you'll have to go give a report to them in the coming months, and maybe set a date so he knows exactly when you'll leave, and he can prepare himself?" Uncertainty flooded her voice, and I felt it too. Everything was too uncertain.

I sighed and sat in the mud, not caring about the state of my jeans. I just wanted to feel the ground solid underneath me, and the promise of life rooting beneath my fingers as I dug them into the dirt.

"I just wish it was simple," I sighed, swirling my hand around my little puddle of mud as watching as the depth of brown thickened. I loved this color, it reminded me so much of the potential for new life, of warmth and home.

"If you could have simple, and a vampire mate, would you give up Edward?" Rose arched a brow at her rhetorical question, but I couldn't hold back by answer.

"No!" I shouted, my voice carrying louder than I meant and scaring off the small flock of birds at the tops of the trees.

"Then deal with the existence you have. Edward is a special young man, he might surprise you." And, in the vain of the conversation, Rose surprised me by unceremoniously flopping to the ground next to me, pressing her whole body to the ground to lay beside me. I leaned back, curling onto my side to face her, the side of my face getting coated in the thick mud.

Rose was really incredibly beautiful, even with dirt matting in her golden hair and rain pounding on her skin. Her nose was a perfect slope with a dignified point at the end, her eyebrows were dark and perfectly sculpted. Everything about her was flawless in a way that made it almost hurt to look at her, like a human looking into the sun.

"The last time Emmett got me flowers, it was the seventies," she commented, reaching her hand through the mud to hold my hand. We laid there for a while longer, feeling the rain pound into our skin as the dark clouds above us roiled and rumbled.

After the thundering passed, Rose pulled me out of the deep mud I was buried in and we ran home, hands still clasped together. I felt uplifted, momentarily, pushing aside the reality of telling Edward more than I wanted to. I let Rose twirl me, and as I spun, mud went flying off of my clothes and hair and spattering across the back of the house, covering the glass in small droplets of brown that would streak when cleaned.

"Esme is going to kill you!" Rose shouted, howling with laughter. I shrugged, unable to feel guilty and knowing I could easily pin it on Rose if I wanted to. Instead of bothering with the door again, I jumped up to my room, kicking my shoes off even though I knew I would be tracking in mud anyways.

I was disgustingly filthy. My clothes were soaked and caked in dirt, and it was matted all through my hair. I spent several minutes under the scalding hot water, painstakingly picking twigs and leaves from my hair and removing every particle of dirt from under my short fingernails.

I wished Edward was with me, because when I finally emerged from the shower, my skin was so warm I could easily have passed for human. It would have been nice to hug him and not feel his shiver at our contact, or the trail of goosebumps at my touch.

I pulled on a light sweater and pair of jeans, but Rose was waiting to accost me at my door before I could even think about dashing out to my car. We spoke for a few minutes about what exactly I was going to say and how I was going to approach broaching the discussion before Rose dismissed me, leaving herself to make a show of picking up Emmett.

I ran quickly, darting under the brush and moving so fast that the rain barely touched me, and my clothes dried before any droplet even had the chance to cling to the fabric. I slipped through the open window to find Edward already laying on his bed, lids heavy as he waited for me to climb in next to him.

"Hi, my beautiful boy," I greeted, untying my shoes and flipping up the duvet to tuck Edward in before carefully laying on my side at the very edge of the bed. He looked as delectable as ever, his hair slightly dark and smelling of shampoo, his skin pinkened from the hot shower he had just finished before I arrived.

He smiled at me, at crooked and welcoming grin stretching his full lips, and he rolled over on his side to slide closer to me, our noses touching and his warm breath fanning across my face, making me feel like I was blushing.

"Hello, b-beautiful girl," he replied, not giving me any time to feel flustered or excited before pressing his lips against mine in a sweet welcoming.

Every time we kissed, I felt like I was falling, a spiraling descent of absolute pleasure and closeness to the mate I so completely and devoutly adored.

It ended far too soon, though if it were up to me, our lips would never part. Edward pulled back only a centimeter before his yawn began, stretching open wide to show his whole pink mouth, and it took every ounce of my control to stop my tongue from darting forward to taste him.

"Emmett wore you out?" I asked teasingly, knowing how taxing Emmett could be on someone who never tired.

"Yeah, w-we p-played video g-games, and Em practically inhaled h-his d-d-dinner! Charlie asked h-him h-how he could b-breathe while shoveling s-s-so much food in his m-mouth," Edward gushed, his sleepy green eyes alight with his amusement. I rolled my eyes and smiled in kind, reached a hand to cup Edward's face, my thumb brushing across his magnificently sculpted cheekbone.

He yawned again, and I giggled at the humanity of it, how completely vulnerable he was in that moment.

"Get some sleep, Edward," I said, leaning forward to kiss the valley of his cheekbone.

"We'll t-talk t-t-tomorrow?" He asked, eyes questioning beneath heavy lavender lids.

"Tomorrow," I promised, sliding forward to tuck my body into his through the thick duvet, his face resting in my hair as I pressed mine to the crook of his neck, my nose fitting perfectly in the hollow of his smooth clavicle.

His scent was deliciously intense there, all sunshine and summer and boy, and I missed the concentration of his smell when he rolled onto his back. His sleep was deep and uneventful, though Alice tossed and turned through the night. I worried about her- she had become increasingly restless throughout the nights, and often whimpered or whined at whatever she was seeing in her dreams.

I had occasionally slipped from Edward's side when he disentangled himself from me and was deeply asleep, to watch over Alice, trying to soothe her with soft humming or by lightly stroking her cheek.

But nothing seemed to work. She never settled when I tried to help, only returning to a still slumber deep in the night, and not for long enough that I thought it healthy.

Alice was the first to wake in the morning, before even Charlie. I could hear her heavy steps above us as she shuffled her feet about her room, gathering clothes and toiletries before trudging off to the bathroom.

Charlie was up soon after, getting himself ready for work around Alice's commandeering of the bathroom as she blow-dried her short hair and pumped cosmetics on her skin. He bade her a gruff farewell, then left in the cruiser, Alice still in the bathroom with some type of makeup that I couldn't discern- eye shadow or powder foundation, perhaps?

I could hear the BMW engine from a block away, the smooth purr of Rose's custom work signature and solitary, especially in our small town. Alice skipped down the stairs, remarkably upbeat for someone who hadn't slept well. She forwent breakfast and coffee, singing the hook to So Long Farewell from The Sound of Music, her lilting soprano clear and sweet. With a flourish of a coat, she was out the door and in the BMW, happily greeting Emmett and Rose.

They pulled away before I heard more of the conversation, and I craned my head futilely, trying to understand where they were going. As much as Emmett enjoyed little Alice, I didn't understand why he would be willingly inviting her anywhere without Edward and me in accompaniment.

Edward stirred late in the morning, languidly stretching out in his bed like a teenager on the first day of summer vacation. I smiled in greeting as he blinked the sleep from his eyes, rolling over to face me.

He leaned in for a kiss which I readily returned, our traditional morning greeting still in place though school was out, and sat up in bed. I rolled over to let him out.

I loved this part of our days. Edward was always less inhibited in the morning, still dazed with sleep. He stood with his back to me and stretched, his back cracking before he rolled his neck around- I guess sleeping on the ground for years had a poor effect on his joints.

He pulled his holey T-shirt up and off, tossing it into the pile of clothes next to the door. It was soon replaced by a short-sleeved collared shirt, but I did have a few moments to admire his strong back, defined and strong. I could see the sinew of his muscles as they rippled when he stretched his arms up to slide the shirt over his head.

He looked around the room for a moment, then realized his khaki pants were in the bathroom upstairs- Alice had left them out to steam out the wrinkles- so he went upstairs, leaving me in bed, still a little dazzled by the view.

I was up and in the kitchen before he even reached the top of the stairs, pulling out flour and sugar to start making pancakes. It was my staple breakfast, mostly because Edward loved them, but also because he was always a little messy with it, syrup dripping down his chin and giving me an excuse to trace my fingers across his lips. In all honesty, I'd like to lick the sticky syrup from his mouth- ignoring how disgusting sugar tastes.

Maybe one day.

Edward came downstairs just as I flipped the final pancake, grabbing the plate and eating it at the counter as he watched me clean. I didn't bother moving at human speed- it was so easy to be myself around him.

"I was thinking you could come over today? Maybe play the piano a little? I know you haven't gotten the chance to play since you've been so busy studying," I offered, breaking the silence. Edward kept his eyes on me, forking another bite into his mouth and chewing.

"Are w-we g-going to talk?" He asked softly, holding my gaze.

I sighed, feeling deflated at the impending conversation, however necessary. "Yes, we'll talk."

He nodded and returned to his food, barely taking a breath as he shoveled it into his mouth. I couldn't help but smile while watching him eat. It was such a teenage boy trait, consuming food like it would be their last meal.

Not only that, but there was something intensely erotic about his full lips wrapping around a fork, the bob of his pronounced Adam's apple as he swallowed.

"Do you know where Alice went?" I asked.

"Yeah, she w-went t-to Emmett and Rose's g-g-graduation."

"Ah, okay. That was nice of her." And odd. I couldn't imagine Emmett inviting her- both Rose and Emmett only attended graduation ceremonies because it would be considered odd if they didn't.

"She k-kind of insisted, and it's n-not easy t-to s-say no to Alice."

"That it's certainly not," I laughed, thinking that I had done more shopping in the past few months than I had in the past few centuries.

"S-So why d-did Emmett and Rose enroll a y-year ahead of y-you?" He asked between bites.

"They only go to school because of me, really. I'm the one who likes humans, and I enjoy being around them. I think, if it weren't for me, they'd find something else to fill their days. But since they do go to school with me, this gives them a year off before the next school."

"I c-can't b-believe anyone thinks you're a b-bunch of human t-t-teenagers," he says, shaking his head.

"Hey! I think I blend in pretty well!" I mock offense, and Edward cocks an eyebrow at me in disbelief. "What? I'm very practiced at emulating human habits, and I rarely ever scare or intimidate like Rose and Emmett." I say defensively.

"Yeah, d-discounting th-the fact th-that you're insanely b-beautiful."

"Please," I smile meekly, knowing I would be blushing bright red if it was possible.

"I'm serious." I look in his eyes, smoldering and verdant, and I know he's being sincere. The butterflies in my stomach take flight at the confirmation of his attraction.

"Well, luckily I'm around Rosalie so often that no one notices me," I joked.

"You're wrong." He said forcefully, unsmiling. "Th-the b-boys in school…" He trailed off, pursing his lips over the sentence before reaching a hand over to me and capturing an errant curl. "B-Besides, I p-prefer b-brunettes."

I can't help but to grin from ear to ear, and Edward responded with his own crooked smile before leaning in for a chaste kiss, his lips tasting of syrup.

After cleaning his dish, Edward pulled on his rain coat and followed me out the back and down the little side trail beside the house so he could climb on my back away from prying eyes.

Since he had asked, I started running a bit faster than I did the first few times we ran together, and Edward looked thoroughly windblown, his cheeks slap-pink and his hair more wild than normal, when I deposited him at the front steps.

I stalled by insisting Edward play for me, and he tapped out a few Mozart pieces before looking over at me knowingly, making it clear that he wasn't going to humor me for long. I sighed in resignation, resting my head on his shoulder for a moment before getting up and leading us over to the living room.

"I've been keeping things from you," I started, holding my head in shame.

"I know."

I looked up at Edward, sitting on the other side of the couch with his hand outstretched for me to take. So understanding, so accepting… I didn't deserve it.

"C-Can you tell me what h-happened y-yesterday? In th-the p-parking lot?" I squirmed under his smoldering green eyes, almost wishing we could start with the vicious Italian vampires rather than emotions and nature.

"There's this phenomenon in vampires. It's like… like soul mates, but far, far stronger. It's raw and primal, and it can be a struggle to restrain myself. You have to understand that when I first saw you, it was like the heavens realigned. It was an instantaneous connection. And when I'm away from you, I feel an ache," I put my hand over my chest, my fingers brushing right over my dead heart, "it's like a piece of me is missing.

"And I'm almost always under control, Edward, and I would never hurt you. I don't want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable. But sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by my… my desire for you. And that was what happened yesterday. I had my head right over your heart, and you were so happy and proud and it was infectious, and I…"

I couldn't continue. I couldn't tell him how I almost violated him in front of a few hundred teenagers without a second thought, and I couldn't even look into his eyes anymore. I held my face in my hands again, covering my eyes so I couldn't feel Edward's piercing gaze anymore.

"W-Were you g-going t-to… bite me?"

"No!" I cried, before regaining my composure. "Edward, I really would never do anything without your consent. Of course I wouldn't."

"I d-don't understand. Wh-what h-happened exactly?"

I swallowed nervously and fidgeted, twining and untwining my fingers, insanely grateful that I couldn't blush. "To put it simply, I was completely dazzled by you, and I almost ripped your shirt off, right there in the parking lot. It was completely unacceptable, and Emmett was completely right in admonishing me."

Edward's face was unreadable, and I couldn't bear to look at him anymore. I was just waiting for it. Maybe he'd yell, or maybe he'd run. I wouldn't blame him for either- I deserved it, certainly.

What I wasn't expecting was for Edward to slide in next to me on the couch and wrap his arms around me, putting his chin on my head and nestling my face into the hollow of his throat where his scent was so potent.

"I w-want y-you too, Bella. D-Don't be absurd, you're s-s-stunning, and I'm a g-guy. B-But I j-just… th-the memories. I'm t-trying t-to work through th-them, okay? But d-don't ever think th-that I d-d-don't w-want you j-just as much."

I couldn't see his face, but his heart was even and steady. He was… honest. Edward wanted me, too. Obviously, he was incorrect about our desire being comparable- he wasn't capable of the depth of emotions that vampires experience. But to want me as a man wants a woman… What more could I possible want.

"I don't mean to pressure you, Edward. I just want you to be happy and healthy. Everything else is secondary," I said, nuzzling my nose into his neck a little. Nothing ever seemed to be close enough. I wondered if I was to crawl into his skin if I would still feel too distant from him.

"It's n-not p-p-pressure. I want to b-be there f-for you, t-too. And I know s-s-something else is b-bothering you, and has b-been f-for weeks." He brushed my hair back, his fingers combing through. "I'm just sorry you don't feel like you can talk to me."

"Oh, Edward-"

"N-No, I understand why. Everything a-about us h-has always b-been f-f-focused on me and my p-problems. B-But I p-p-promise I'm g-getting s-stronger, I'm g-growing. And I want t-to b-be able t-to share everything w-w-with you."

"I want that, too. And I know how strong you are, Edward. I've never doubted that."

"S-So w-will you tell m-me what else has b-been h-happening with you?"

I clung to his shirt, my fingers digging into the starchy fabric as I desperately tried to anchor him to me. "I told you about the Volturi, right? Basically the government for our kind in Italy?" He nodded in confirmation. "They've requested my presence for a debriefing on the Seattle situation. A lot of attention was drawn, with the number of deaths and missing persons, and they want a witness who was there for the actual dismantling."

"S-So… you're g-g-going t-to Italy?" He asked shakily, his voice breaking a bit.

"I am going to Italy," I confirmed

"F-For h-how long?" He whispered, then, before I could answer, "W-Wait, why you? Why n-not Carlisle, or anyone else? D-Didn't you s-s-say Eleazar w-was also a m-member of their s-s-security?"

"Guard," I corrected, "And it has to be me, Edward." I paused, weighing my words carefully. I didn't want to frighten or worry him, but if I was going to be open with him and treat him as my partner, I couldn't avoid a direct question like that. "Aro- I told you about him- can read every thought you've ever had with one touch. But he can't read my mind, and we have secrets we need to protect."

"Secrets?"

"Well, mostly one secret. You." I pressed my finger to his chest, his supple skin yielding against my hardness.

"I'm a s-secret?" He sounded aghast in surprise as if he couldn't possibly understand how truly supernatural his life had become.

"Yes, you're our secret. Our most sacred law is to not allow humans to know of our existence, and you most certainly know. If anyone but me goes, Aro will know that you know, and that would be complicated."

"W-Would you g-get in t-t-trouble? B-Because of me?"

"I honestly don't know. The Volturi are swift in their punishments, but they also break this particular law quite often. There are several humans in their employ who know of our true nature, and since you're certainly not a threat to our secrecy… But I can't risk it, so the hypothetical is moot." I certainly wouldn't allow any situation in which Aro or Caius could possibly find out about a human Edward knowing our secret.

"S-So you're l-l-leaving m-me?" I could hear the cry in his voice, smell the salt as tears gathering in his glistening green eyes.

"God, no! I would never leave you! I'm just… leaving." I shouted, then my voice grew quiet at the end as I realized that, while I wasn't leaving our relationship, I would be leaving him behind. I couldn't imagine how that felt. If Edward took off without me… I would be destroyed.

"When?" He whispered, closing his eyes and breathing deeply as he pushed back the tears and collected himself.

"Some time before the end of the year. I was thinking it might be easier for me to leave during the school year, that way you have something to distract you?" I offered, skeptical that it could work.

"I d-don't th-think anything c-c-could d-distract me f-from you b-being g-gone." Edward confirmed my worry. I certainly wouldn't be distracted from the loss of his presence, even with everything that would be happening with the Volturi.

"I know, but you'll have Alice, and Emmett, and our whole family here with you. They'll keep you busy, I'm sure." My choice of words did not escape his notice.

"Our f-family?"

"Well, yes. Our family. You know how much Esme loves you- probably more than me," I smiled teasingly, "And Emmett already thinks of you as his brother. They're as much your family as mine."

We were quiet for several minutes, and I let Edward process everything I had dumped on him. "What d-dd-o Carlisle and Rosalie th-think of me?"

Not the question I had thought was coming, that's for sure. Maybe something about the Volturi, or some expression of horror, but he wanted to know how Carlisle and Rose felt about him?

"Carlisle loves you for me. We've been together a long time, much of it alone, and Carlisle bore witness to my isolation in a very profound way. He met me at my lowest, most disconnected point when I was with the Volturi, and when he found Esme, and then Rosalie and Emmett joined us in rapid succession, and I was still alone… Carlisle would have adored you if you had three eyes and horns. Not to mention the fact that you sided with him in our little Michelangelo versus da Vinci discussion." I glared at Edward playfully, reminding him of his first dinner meeting everyone, and his betrayal. He just shrugged and smiled, unbothered by my gaze.

"And Rosalie?" His voice was timid, as if he was expecting the worst. Truly, Rose had been more accepting of him than I could ever have dreamed, even going so far as to point out how Edward exceled where Emmett was deficient in that Edward had brought me flowers, and it had been decades since Emmett had done the same for her.

"She respects you, and that's saying something. She's the one who told me to tell you everything."

"She d-did?" He sounded surprised.

"Yes, she did. There was some definite yelling in her defense of you, by the way. And she was right- you haven't run away screaming yet, and you don't seem horrified or upset with me."

"I c-could n-never be s-s-scared of you, Bella. I d-don't even think I c-c-could b-be m-mad at you." He was forceful, but the beat of his heart and clarity of his voice told me he was being honest.

I decided to try to lighten the mood by teasing him, rather than point out all the ways I could be terrifying, or how I continuously kept things from him. How I was technically still keeping the tangible danger in my trip to Italy from him. "Are you sure? I can be awfully frustrating."

"Th-that I d-do know," he said, playing into my bit.

"Are you calling me frustrating?" I asked in mock outrage, pulling out of his embrace.

"Y-You c-c-called yourself f-frustrating!" he defended, eyes wide and voice climbing a half an octave.

"Then I'm not frustrating?"

Edward grumbled and pulled at his hair, but his cheek dimpled with a hidden grin, and I descended into a fit of giggles, a weight lifted with mostly everything in the open.

The intensity of our conversation dissipated as we laughed with one another, and when Edward's stomach rumbled with hunger, I couldn't hold back another fit of laughter before I pulled him up and into the kitchen with me.

After fixing him a mighty heap of the brown and red mush that had been left in the refrigerator by Esme, we settled back on the couch with a movie. Edward had browsed through Emmett's massive collection, amazed by the thoroughness of it- every genre from Japanese horror to French new wave to silent to dumb man comedies was represented.

We watched half the movie, then Edward leaned down, his body sliding and relaxed as he dozed.

Eventually, his head was resting on my lap, and I gently scratched at his scalp in the way I had learned he liked, content to watch his face. Every few minutes, his eyes fluttered open, thick lashes like the wings of the most fragile of butterflies, and when he saw me above him, his full lips pulled up in a soft smile.

This continued throughout the film, then on after it ended and the credits rolled through a blank screen, just tender moments in a quiet house. Emmett and Rose would be dropping Alice off at Charlie's soon, as graduation was supposed to have ended in the early afternoon. With Carlisle working a long shift, and Esme in Portland for her conference, it was nice to have a peaceful home with just us, even if it was only for a little while.

I loved the feeling of Edward's hair. It's silky and soft, and always hilariously messy no matter how hard he brushes it down. Alice told me their father's hair was unkempt like that too, and it's why she keeps her hair short. And it's so exquisite. I've never seen such multifaceted colors in human hair before, a mix of copper, blond, brown, bronze- each strand a slightly different color from another. No human could possibly appreciate the undiluted beauty of my boy, and he deserves to be worshipped. Maybe I am good enough for him, in that way at least.

The BMW came up the driveway, interrupting our quiet, and I can hear Alice's heart beat inside. I worry my bottom lip and crane my head, trying to look outside without moving Edward from my lap. Emmett and Rose were supposed to take her home and stay with her if Charlie wasn't home, not bring her over.

"Wow, it's huge!" I heard her exclaim as she opened her door. Her soft steps crunched over the gravel alongside Rose and Emmett's silent ones, and they walked up the stairs and through the front door.

"And it's gorgeous!" she said in awe, looking around the foyer. Esme had designed the house, and it was indeed impressive. Very open, with lots of natural light and a feeling of home, it was the only place we could truly be ourselves, away from prying eyes and the risk of exposure. It was very rare that a human saw our home, so I didn't know why she was here.

"Hi Bella! Twin, get up, we have so much to do!" Alice twirled in the room, her gauzy green skirt spinning around her so she looked like an ethereal whirling dervish. Edward opened one eye to look at her, then closed it, my favorite dimple deepening on his cheek as he hid a smile.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked cautiously. I love Alice, I really do. She's smart and kind, she never makes me feel uncomfortable or like I have to try too hard to prove I'm human. We spend time together, just us girls, while Edward is in therapy, wandering Port Angeles, talking about politics and economics and, her favorite topic, fashion. She often says surprising things, implying she knows more than she lets on, but I've accepted it as Alice being Alice.

But I really didn't want Edward bothered. He deserves to have a peaceful afternoon to relax and rest after the stress he's endured, with time to process what I unloaded on him, and I didn't appreciate Rose and Emmett interrupting it by bringing a human, however friendly we were, into our home.

"We're going to throw a party!" Emmett hooted, his dimples deep as he smiled broadly, making him look like a child in the body of a giant.