I'm sorry this has been so delayed. This is a typical A/N, but my Word app quite literally crashed while I was in the middle of writing. And unfortunately, I usually write in one big document which I later break into chapters. And again unfortunately, I was about 60 pages deep and hadn't saved it when Word closed out and wouldn't open again until I updated it. So everything was lost, and I was kind of in mourning (lol).
Again, this is all kind of fluff. There are important details in these chapters, easter eggs if you will, which will become pertinent to the overarching plot, so I hope you'll stick with me until we get to the action.
pete davidson- Ariana Grande
sad day- FKA twigs
"What w-will you do while I'm g-gone?" Edward asked, twirling a lock of my hair and twisting it behind my ear.
"Pine," I joked, though it was honestly not incorrect. I would likely spend much of the day sitting in a tree near Quileute Road, waiting and hoping for a glimpse of my mate.
Edward quirked his brow, half his mouth tugging up in a crooked smile. "You should hunt," he said, running a thumb along the underside of my eye where I knew purple had begun to bruise after two weeks of abstention.
"I will," I promised, "Now get out of here before Alice literally bounces off a wall."
I pushed him away, but he pulled himself back to kiss me softly.
"I love you," I said, kissing the corner of his mouth before completely releasing him. Alice, under the impression that Edward had retreated into his room to get dressed, was beginning to get really impatient, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Even Charlie was bouncing his leg as he waited from his recliner in the living room.
"A-as I love you," Edward responded, stepping closer to me again to kiss me again. I wanted to melt into him, to wrap my hands around his neck and rake my fingers through the soft baby hairs at the nape of his neck, but I figured we had about thirty second before Alice knocked down the door and dragged Edward out.
"Now, go! Go get your new truck, go have fun. And tell Jacob I say hello."
"I'll s-see y-you when we get b-back?"
"I'll be waiting," I promised, sliding the window open and slipping out into the awaiting forest.
I did hunt, though I wasn't very focused. Near the Quileute border, I came across a herd of deer. As spring had given way to summer, the deer population had become plentiful, and I picked off two slender does that looked older and past their prime. The blood felt thick and tasted bland, but I felt as satiated as I could ever be. In the very least, I had done as Edward asked.
And, as promised, I spent the rest of the day pining. I perched on the branch of a towering fir tree, hunched and hidden behind the brush as I waited, watching over the road for Edward to reappear. I figured they would be gone for the entire day, and I was correct.
Rose found me in the midafternoon, toting a bottle of nail polish and offering to try to distract me. I let her join me on the heavy bough of my tree, leaning casually against the trunk as she brushed color atop my blunt fingernails, but I wasn't very pleasant company.
It was nearly torturous, to be apart like this, especially knowing in a few short months that I would be forced to bear this burden for a potentially extended period of time. There was something balming about being around Edward. He dulled the anxiety and brightened the joy so I didn't find myself dwelling on the future quiet as much as I did when he was away from me.
But I was alone, bar my sister humming beside be, and all the worries flooded back to me. I tried to distract myself. I focused on the glimmer of the fresh wet polish on my nails, the moist slither of mealworms deep in the wet soil below. I tried to pinpoint the make and model of each car driving within hearing distance by just the sound of the engine, and always devoted a great deal of energy to searching for the steady strumming of Edward's heartbeat.
But the panic was still there. And it was unavoidable. I would be leaving him, and there was nothing I could do about it. And as selfish as it sounded, I was more scared for myself than for Edward.
He would be fine, in the end. Carlisle had continuously assured me that I would be fine, that Aro and Caius wouldn't dare harm me with no provable crime, but in the off-chance that I didn't return from Italy, Edward would be alive, at least.
And while I was gone, he would have support. My entire family would be there for him. Esme could mother him to his heart's content, Carlisle could share in his love for literature and history, and Emmett would at last have the brother he so craved to himself. Even Rose, I imagine, would be supportive. I would be alone, completely isolated with only the well-disguised viciousness of my old coven for company.
And, of course, Edward didn't have the same depth of feelings for me that I had for him. It was impossible for a human to feel that way, and he wouldn't experience the same cavernous loss that I would. That was good, for him. He would find distractions, be able to live his life. Perhaps it would even be good for him, if the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder proverb rang true.
"Bella?" Rose asked softly, snapping me slightly out of my preoccupation. She nodded in understanding, patting my leg in an attempt at comfort. "As cliché as it sounds in this day and age, it does get better."
"Nothing ever could have prepared me for having an intense case of vampiric bipolar disorder," I joked sardonically.
"I told you it would be like this. So did Carlisle."
"It's not the same as experiencing it for myself."
"Of course," she sighed, nodding and brushing back her golden hair so it was twisted at the nape of her neck. "I'm sure you just get so used to your existence that the… intensity of mating can be overwhelming."
"And we're only just beginning," I added, compartmentalizing my fantasies of what the more distant future would hold and sequestering them to the back of my mind. There was no use dwelling on potential situations that could be years away, especially if I was doing my best to not pressure Edward.
"And you're only just beginning," she agreed, then smiled brilliantly so the afternoon sun glimmered off her razor-sharp teeth. "But I have a feeling you two might end up being worse than Emmett and me."
I couldn't help but laugh at her implication, immediately visualizing the destruction Emmett and Rose left in their wake, including the implosion of an entire home. "You know what? You may be right. Five hundred years of pent-up energy can do that to a girl."
"God, five hundred years!" she exclaimed, "I'll never understand how you lasted so long."
"Considering what you were like before Emmett, I can't imagine you like that for more than the few years you were unmated."
"I was miserable, wasn't I?" She laughed, reaching over to braid my hair back in a similar style to hers. I shifted on the branch to give her better access, swinging my legs over the branch to face the direction I knew Edward would be in.
"Almost insufferable. I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't found Emmett. We might have had the first case of insanity on our hands, and I don't know who would have cracked first."
"Probably you!"
I smiling begrudgingly and tilted my head so Rose could gather a new section of hair on the other side of my head. It felt nice, the contact. Her nails scraped against my scalp in a most pleasing way, and I exhaled some tension away. "You're probably right. Carlisle is too patient and Esme too loving."
"And the guilt," she added, flicking my ear before weaving her hands through my hair in a complicated knot. "And I want to talk to you about that."
"Rose," I warned, not wanting to start such a deep conversation when I was heavily distracted. In the dark, negative recesses of my mind, I was running through everything that could be going wrong. In addition to all the human disasters- tripping, falling, some kind of freak medical anomaly- I also had to deal with the existence of at least two wolves on the reservation, and their volatile nature.
"No, not like that. I promise." She sighed unnecessarily, pulling my hair through a final knot before turning me around to face her, hands on my shoulders in a firm, warm grip. "I want to apologize. I carry a lot of baggage, and I tend to force you to bear that burden with me when you didn't actually do anything wrong."
"Rose, I-"
"No, it's okay," she shushed me, "Let's not get into anything. Just sit with me."
I wasn't going to object to her request, so I leaned into her side and stared out over the road. It was an uncharacteristically beautiful day, sun glimmering in a near-cloudless sky of hazy blue. I hoped that Edward was enjoying the weather, since he couldn't with me. Going outside, in public, on a warm and sunny day- it was just one of the many things I was keeping him from.
"Have you and Edward discussed plans for after graduation?" Rose asked, swinging her legs like a child sitting on the branch so infectiously that I joined her.
"No. I'm honestly not sure he's given it any thought."
"It might be nice to go to college, you know?"
"Is this a ploy to maintain his humanity?" I asked, only half-joking because if there was one thing Rose would never take lightly, it was the institution of humanity.
"Haven't you yourself said you intend for him to stay human until he's ready?"
"Touché," I murmured, adding, "It would be nice to go back to college."
"I know Esme wouldn't mind starting on a new home, if you have a school in mind?"
"I'll leave that up to Edward. First time in college, he deserves to go where he wants."
"You should have him look into schools with music programs. I think he would really enjoy something like that."
"He is talented, isn't he?" I sighed dreamily, imagining Edward's slender fingers across the ivory keys.
"For a human," she said in a droll monotone, and I rolled my eyes. Typical Rose, never quite able to totally acknowledge another's strengths- especially a human's. "Hey, I gave him credit where credit is due. Give me a few months with him so he can learn how to not only read music, but hear it, and every music program in the country is going to be begging him to attend their school."
This made me laugh, and the sound echoed over the treetops. To the layperson, it may have sounded like she was complimenting Edward, when in fact she was emphasizing how talented she was, and her accomplishments as a teacher.
"Of course, it's all thanks to you," I laughed again.
"Whatever, you know what I mean," she said, bumping her shoulder into mine hard enough that our skin cracked together and I was knocked sideways a bit. We dissolved in a fit of giggles, pushing each other back and forth on the tree branch until it began to creak under our combined weight and antics.
Further we climbed, settling on a sturdier bough before we actually cracked our previous perch off. Rose went first, digging her fingers into the bark to scale the trunk, and I followed with a carefully calculated jump so as to not chip my shiny new nail polish.
"Did you ever read that thesis Carlisle gave you? The one on Renaissance art?" Rose asked.
"Yes, a few weeks ago, actually. When Edward was sick, I had a lot of time on my hands."
"I can't believe you haven't told Carlisle! He's been waiting for months to hear your thoughts!"
"I've been busy," I defended, "And it wasn't very good, anyways. More than its fair share of historical inaccuracies, especially in its analysis of the subject inspiration of Michelangelo."
"Speaking as an expert in art history, or someone who knew him?"
"You make me feel like an antique," I laughed.
"We may be frozen in time, but you can't escape your age."
"In that case, I know some vampires who are positively decrepit."
"Who's the oldest you've ever met?" she asked, tilting her head in curious interest. We had been together for so long that I often forgot just how young Rose was. And unlike Esme and Carlisle, neither Rose nor Emmett ever showed much interest in history. Of course they knew the basics, and were well-versed in the intricacies within Volturi hierarchy, but otherwise we didn't often discuss other things I had learned and people I had encountered.
"Amun, the vampire I met in Egypt. The first vampire I ever actually spent any time with, in fact." I had met him after I had left my human family and began to traverse the world in my wayward travels. He was a cold man, and positively terrified of the Volturi, from the few words he spoke of him and shifty eyes.
"I wonder how he still finds things to fill his days," she sighed contemplatively, following my own train of thought.
"Forty-five hundred years is an unfathomably long existence, but trust me, he keeps busy." I thought of his propensity towards striving to collect talents and power, but in the most inconspicuous and hidden ways.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, for one, he has a mate."
"Kebi, the quiet one?" She confirmed, and I nodded, thinking of the near-silent woman who always stood in her mate's shadow. I never understood how she could be so meek, so willing to defer to Amun, considering how equal the power dynamic between sexes is for our kind. Though when I thought of it again, I could see the appeal of constantly being at my mate's side, at his beck and call.
"Yes, Kebi. And he's also in a constant state of panic over the Volturi, at least the last time I saw him. He's got some kind of unidentified gift for evasion. He's always calculating ways to stay one step ahead of Aro while still collecting new talent."
"Not always successful, is he? He turned Demetri and lost him, after all."
"It's not easy to hold on to someone with Chelsea tearing them away."
"She's another ancient one."
"If they're ancient, then I'm a child, right?" I laughed, elbowing her between the ribs.
"You do look young for your age," she acquiesced, and I brushed my hand over my forehead dramatically. It was one of the perks of being a member of the aristocracy as a human. Unlike Carlisle, I looked young for my biological age, and could easily pull off high school student, whereas Carlisle could age himself up a few years. I had always envied him that, since I had never been able to work as a doctor or nurse myself, but if not for my young appearance I never would have been able to attend high school, and then I might not have met Edward. It was a complex tapestry of events in the universe that were woven perfectly to tie Edward and me together, our stitching intertwined and irrevocable.
The sun had dipped below the tree line, the uncharacteristically clear sky brushed with lavender and indigo in the impending sunset. I had been separated from Edward for hours, and the dull ache in my chest burned in a completely separate phenomenon from the familiar tickle of thirst in my throat, one that was never quenched but easily avoidable.
"I'm assuming we won't see you tonight?" Rose asked, shifting away from me on the tree branch as she prepared to jump down.
I nodded. "It's unlikely."
"Esme misses you, you know? You should come home tomorrow," she leapt down gracefully, landing on the balls of her bare feet. "Bring Edward and his new car and I can look it over."
She immediately disappeared, her golden hair whipping behind her as she darted around the trees, off to find Emmett so they could spend their night together. It was an unparalleled feeling, and one that I couldn't accurately describe. I had spent centuries reveling in alone time that I had never understood how my family didn't feel stifled by their partners. Especially since we had left Volterra for the Americas, I valued my freedom and option for solitude.
But if I spent the rest of my existence glued to Edward's side, it wouldn't be long enough, and I would never be close enough. I had once thought it overkill that they spent every night, hour after, wrapped up in one another, but now I admired their restraint.
The sun had set by the time I heard the quiet rumble of the police cruiser a few miles out of town. Right behind it was a loud, grinding engine, so deafeningly rambling that even the surrounding wildlife was spooked. I jumped to a neighboring tree to get a better view of the entire road, hanging from the branch with my fingers digging into the bark.
I audibly gasped when I saw it- this hulking monster of a red truck that looked like it could be older than Emmett. And behind the wheel, head barely peaking over the steering wheel was Alice, a wide grin on her face the entire drive. She bounced in the cracked leather seat and hummed along to the soft crackling from the ancient radio, tuned to an oldies station that I knew she wouldn't be listening to unless it was the only option.
Edward was with Charlie, slouched in the passenger's seat with the hood of his sweater obscuring his face from me. I wanted to run beside him, I wanted to open the door and gather him into my arms, but that was an irrational desire. I curbed it the best I could and continued jogging beside them as they slowly drove down Quileute Road and into Forks. Charlie was driving painfully slow, since an unlicensed Alice was manning the beast of a vehicle behind him.
They did eventually make it home, though I could have walked and beaten them if I wished to. Charlie was out of the car the moment he parked, with Alice pulling the truck onto the curb on the street in front of the house. She took a moment, running her hand over the steering wheel in some kind of misguided reverence. If that thing impressed her, she might faint if she ever saw one of Rose's special toys.
Charlie held his hand out for the keys, where Alice hesitantly deposited them when she met him at the porch steps.
"You can get these back when you pass your driver's test," he said sternly, though there was a twinkle in his eyes and a tremble in his voice that revealed his affection for his foster daughter.
"How soon can we take it?" She asked, still bouncing. Edward shuffled next to her, hands stuffed in the pockets of his oversized hoodie with his face still hidden from me from my place in the dense underbrush at the side of the house.
"As soon as you want. We don't have a DMV so the department does driver's tests." I didn't know that. I had never actually taken an exam for my license, since driving was such a mindless task for us. Emmett had been the only one to struggle, and that was due to the tactile exactness. He had pulled the clutch out of two different cars before Rose made him practice holding eggs to manage controlling his strength with something fragile.
Alice chattered on about the driver's test, trying to pull possible test questions from Charlie. He chuckled and let her babble on, nodding when appropriate but generally letting her fill the silence in a way only Alice could.
It was Edward on whom I focused, though. No matter what, it was only he who was the center of my attention. He kicked off his worn sneakers at the front door and stood idly in the kitchen doorway as Charlie sat down at the messy kitchen table and Alice zipped around, gathering drinks and slicing apples. Quietly, he shifted out of the doorway so slowly that I didn't think neither Alice nor Charlie had noticed, and padded over to the closed door of his bedroom.
Before his fingers touched the knob, I had darted from my place in the bushes to the window, moving so swiftly it felt like my feet barely brushed the dew-dampened grass. I hoisted the well-oiled window open and slid into the room, sitting at the edge of the small bed and trying to seem casual when in reality it felt like the venom in my body was boiling in anticipation.
"Hey," I greeted him softly, fisting the duvet in my hands to anchor me to the bed, rather than bridge the two foot gap between us and consume him.
Edward just sighed and stumbled forward, uncharacteristically clumsy as he tripped over his own socked foot and slid into my arms like a magnet pulling him to me. I opened my arms and let him fall into me, laying back so his head was on my clavicle and his warm breath was fanning over the swell of my breast.
"I missed you," I said into his hair, admiring the way the red and gold glimmered in the glow of twilight. He hummed in an unspoken agreement, his hands coming to rest aside my shoulders so I could slip my arms around his waist and hold him close to me. I gently lifted myself up and slid further onto the bed to accommodate his longer form, lifting him ever so slightly so he wouldn't particularly notice the movement.
I wanted to hear about his day. The reservation was a bit of a mystery to me. We had only ever been once, and it was a complete accident that we hunted on their land and the small pack of wolves came upon us. Ever since, we didn't cross the boundary, and so what I knew of La Push I had learned from reading and pictures. Not to mention that there were at least two current wolves there, both of which could say anything to anyone about the Cullen family and we would have no idea they were breaking the treaty. Again.
But Edward simply rested on me, and the radiating warmth and steady beat of his heart kept me anchored in my place. Everything, even my rampant anxiety, slowed down with him. I wondered if the rest of my family experienced that tranquil equilibrium with their mates. It seemed, even with all my lived experience, I was still very much young in matters of the heart.
"I'm not t-too heavy, right?" Edward broke the silence with his ridiculous question, not bothering to lift his head from its perfect resting place on my collarbone, though I wasn't sure how comfortable my unyielding body could be for him. My muted laugh answered his question for him, and I could feel his lips pull up into a crooked smile against the fabric of my sweater. "N-No, I suppose n-not. So what d-did you do today. B-besides pining, of course."
I laughed again because he knew me all too well. "Well, I'm a little offended, actually."
"What's th-that?" He lifted his head from my chest to look up at me, verdant eyes deep and pooling beneath thick lashes.
"It's just that I thought you were different from other boys, but I guess I was wrong," I teased, pursing my lips in mock-disapproval. Edward cocked his head, and I could see his mind working overtime to figure out how he had displeased me, as if that could be possible. "I just thought the unobservant boyfriend was a tired trend from mainstream nineties sitcoms."
His gaze softened when it was clear that I was really teasing him, and he lifted himself off of me, holding his weight on his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of my shoulders to hover over me. It was exactly the position I had imagine us in, fantasized about time and time again, only with far less clothes and in a bigger bed. And certainly not with Chief Swan watching baseball a few feet from the door.
I pushed away the fantasy and rolled my eyes, pushing against his chest so he would lean back and allow me to sit up. He did as I wished, and I carefully brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear, showcasing my fingers in the only way I knew how.
"Hair and nails!" he finally half-shouted, and I could hear Charlie mumble about strange music from the living room.
"Do you like it?" I asked, twisting my head so he could see the complex braids on the back of my head that had grown only slightly mussed from running through the damp forest and laying in bed.
"Beautiful, as always," he complimented, eliciting another eyeroll from me.
Edward hand found its way into my hair, pinching one of the braids and pulling it out of its coil so he could twirl it around a finger. "It l-looks so old-fashioned. Is it s-something you used to wear? You know, b-back in the d-day?"
"Back in the day?" I giggled, dropping my voice by an octave as Charlie stirred in his recliner so the higher pitch wouldn't bother him.
"You know w-what I mean!"
"Rose went through a styling phase in the forties and she would braid our hair almost every day."
"The forties," he inhaled, his brow furrowing. "A-All I know about the f-forties is World War II… and Dumbo."
"Besides the wars and genocides, the forties were great. Trousers came into fashion for women, and all the men going off to war made it easier for me to work. It was an excellent era for literature. Plus, Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby."
"Oh, Camus. He w-was the f-forties, right?"
"A fan of The Stranger?"
"One of m-my favorites," he said with a grin, full lips stretching to reveal white teeth, and I longed to lean over and lick his mouth. It had been a full day since I had tasted him, I deserved a reward for my restraint.
"One of mine, as well. Carlisle can't stand him, but I've always found the absurdity of The Myth of Sisyphus to be far more realistic than existentialism." I was leaning in millimeter by millimeter as I spoke, and I could see as Edward's deep eyes began to glaze over.
"I don't know what you mean," he murmured, craning his head down to bridge the distance between us.
"Philosophy. Meaning of life. All that stuff," I whispered, gazing so deep into his eyes I felt like I was falling. His pupils were dilated in the darkened room, the black consuming most of his iris and leaving delicate leaves of forest green and sparkling emerald to study into eternity. I would never tire of this, of being able to admire his perfection while feeling his knee sliding to press against my thigh as he turned into me.
"Meaning of l-life. Yeah," he he sighed, fanning the sweetness of his warm breath across my face and enveloping me further into his scent. My lips parted of this own accord as I tiled my head up to meet his lips.
I breathed in the deliciousness of his scent, only feeling a small, familiar tickle of burning in the back of my throat accompanied by the typical flow of venom triggered by my proximity towards the thrumming of his blood under his soft, delicate lips. I was wrapped in him, enjoying the drawn out moment as he lingered at the corner of my mouth.
I bit back the moan of need in primal instinct in the depth of my chest, instead letting the soft rumble of a rare sound resembling a purr vibrate out of me. His eyes fluttered shut, and I took a moment to admire the webbing veins on his lavender lids and the puckering of skin between his brows as he wallowed in our embrace, then shut my eyes as well to focus entirely on the sensation.
His tongue slipped out, soft and wet and parted my lips further to slide into my mouth, meeting my own tongue tip-to-tip. I was grateful Charlie had chosen today to retire early, shuffling upstairs only a few minutes before, because I audibly moaned into his mouth and shifted around so I could sit up next to Edward, arching over him to achieve a better angle.
I kneeled next to him as he sat on the bed, bracing the back of his neck to keep him sitting up and tangling my fingers in the soft hair there while resting my other hand on the safe-zone of his shoulder. He had one hand on my cheek and the other digging through the tight plaiting of my hair and loosening the braids.
"Teeth, Edward," I reminded him as he tried to deepen the kiss with his own tongue. He mumbled an apology into my mouth as we continued on, falling deeper and deeper until I pulled back and dropped my head to rest my chin on his shoulder. He was panting hard, trying to catch his breath, and I knew I had let it go on too long. As hard as I tried to be mindful of every facet of his fragile humanity, it was simply too easy to be distracted by him.
Edward fell back on the bed, and I let him drag me down with him so I rested very lightly on his torso, though I was sure to apply enough pressure that I didn't think he would be triggered by the contact.
"Are you ready to sleep?" I asked as his heart rate evened out.
"As if I c-could s-sleep after that!" He chuckled, circling his arms around me.
"Well, what did you get up to today? You were gone for so long," I said, trying to keep the whine from my tone. He didn't need to know the desperate extent to which I missed him. It was a feeling he couldn't possibly reciprocate.
"I know," he agreed with the seemingly endless length of time of our separation. "It was uneventful. We s-sat around the b-beach with Jake, and Charlie and Billy ended u-up g-going fishing for half th-the day anyways. Jake sh-showed off the t-truck when they g-got back, and showed us th-the other car he's been w-working on f-for himself. Then home."
I sighed and nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, relishing in the depth of his scent here and the easy flow of blood at his jugular. I swallowed the rush of venom that came not from temptation but as a natural flow.
"That sounds nice. Are you excited to have your own car?" I tried prying his feelings out of him. He was so private, even with me, and I knew he kept things from me. A whole day at the reservation while he was openly dating a Cullen, and no one said a word to him? I didn't think it plausible. And that was just today. There were other things that I didn't know and he didn't offer up- like the explanation for Alice's quirks, or the silent looks they shared that couldn't possibly be explained away with something as pedestrian as a twin moment.
But I wasn't going to force him to tell me. I would ask for details and let him offer up what he wanted to. I knew I must be an overwhelming presence in his life, always hovering and never straying far. With my advanced hearing and constant proximity, he had virtually no privacy or time alone. I would give him what he needed, then.
The lids of his eyes began their daily decent, dropping almost imperceptibly as the evening wore on. "I can't i-imagine n-needing to go anywhere, honestly."
"Oh, c'mon. Doesn't every teenager crave that freedom?" I asked, curious. He had seemed excited when Charlie gave him the keys, and Alice was elated by the gift. I didn't think I had misread his expressions or body language, but he had been quite ill so maybe I misinterpreted something that could have been attributed to the cold.
"Freedom is overrated."
"Oh, really?" I smiled, choosing to not take him seriously. I couldn't see his face, since my own was still pressed to the hollow of his throat, but I played along. I lifted myself off of him, his encircling arms unable to hold me down no matter the degree of strength he could have exerted. I held each of his wrists in my hands on either side of his body, sandwiching him between myself and the mattress.
"Call me y-your p-prisoner." He was joking. I was relieved that I hadn't caused another panic attack. In the moment, I hadn't even thought of how he might feel pinned down with no way to escape. But the fact that it didn't bother him, that it didn't even phase him… A radiating warmth flowed through me from my dead heart at the realization of exactly how much Edward trusted me.
"That's not a bad idea. I'll just keep you right," I kissed the curve of his defined jaw in emphasis, "here, where I know you'll be safe."
"Forever?" He asked, teasing gone. His heartbeat had picked up almost imperceptibly, and he looked up at me through his sweeping lashes, thick brows pulled together in earnest.
"As long as that's what you want," I promised, releasing his wrists from my grasp and lowering myself back down so that my hips were on the mattress but my torso was aligned atop Edward's soft, heated form.
"It is." His voice was filled with conviction, and I knew that, for now, he meant it. At any moment, he could slip through my fingers, decide that he could, in fact, find someone better. Someone human, warm, fertile- more his equal than I could ever be. But for now, I had the hope of forever, and that would be enough.
"Then forever we'll have. For now, sleep." His lids were almost half-shut, and it was obvious as he tried to swallow a yawn.
"Story?" He requested, the vulnerable tinge of hope coloring his voice and reminding me of his youth. He looked a man, and spoke like one, but inside there was still a boy who had been robbed of a childhood and who longed for reassurance.
I obviously acquiesced, kissing his mouth once before laying my head on his clavicle to begin. I told him of our first Christmas as what I had once thought of as our completed family. Emmett had regained some of his humanity from the wildness of his first year as a vampire, and Esme wanted to make everything special. Emmett had gone out and picked a pine tree to act as our Christmas tree, yanking it out by the roots and carrying it home only for Rose to reject it and have him go out for another. He had brought her six trees before Carlisle put his foot down for the sake of the environment, calling her pickiness deforestation.
In actuality, I had understood. Rose held family sacred- we were the most important people in the world to her. She was new to this life as well, still adjusting and processing both her trauma and the change, and she longed to bring some of the perfection she idolized about her human life into her new world. And it ended up being a lovely holiday. We all decorated the tree together, with Esme going so far as to string popcorn together. Rose played carols on her tinny piano, we lit a fire and warmed our cold skin as the snow powdered outside.
I had thought myself happy then. I had thought I had found fulfillment. We had our family, and seeing Rose genuinely merry after the turmoil I had caused her by changing her without consent had completed me. Or, at the time what I considered completion. Now, I understood. There was a new emotional baseline for me, and we now had a full family.
Once Edward was deeply asleep, I rolled off of him so he wouldn't feel stifled by my weight in his slumber. I had been so wrapped up in seeing him again after a long day of separation that I hadn't given any thought to the fact that he hadn't changed into his normal sleep attire, and was instead dressed still in a heavy sweater and dark jeans. Though I didn't know much about the comfort of such things, I figured there was a reason people didn't typically sleep like this.
I wasn't going to undress him. That was a boundary we were nowhere near crossing yet. But I did lay closer to him that I normally allowed without the barrier of the duvet between us so that the coolness of my body could assuage the heat of his clothes.
And he did sleep soundly and well, though neither Alice nor Charlie were so lucky. I had grown used to Alice's increased restlessness at night, but Charlie was also tossing and turning and mumbling about trees and someone named Smith. I flicked through a ragged copy of a Shakespeare tragedy we had covered in English class last year, smiling at the small notes Edward had written in the margins.
I made note of my page and tossed it back on the small desk as Edward rolled over onto me, his arm thrown across my abdomen. I didn't really need a distraction in the form of a book. The soft blue light of the morning filtered through the grainy window and gave his hair a metallic sheen that was fascinating, and I was easily immersed in counting each strand until he awoke.