So, two in a row for making you wait. This is a long chapter, but there are no natural breaks.
I'm going to rewrite the beginning of the story- the first twenty or so chapters. I looked back, and my English was honestly embarrassing. It's amazing how much I've improved; this has been way better than any class project or anything.
Dang!- Mac Miller ft. Anderson .Paak
Tangerine- Glass Animals
Home meant a lot of things. The house with the glass windows just outside of Forks was one way of understanding it. It was where I kept my clothes and the books and pieces of art I had collected over the years, and though I treasured them, it wasn't even remotely comparable to the people who embodied the idea of home.
And one person, in particular. My heart was singing at the thought of seeing him again. Perhaps Rose was truly right, and he didn't despise me for ripping his life to pieces and tearing the only constant in his life away from him.
Rose and I ran hand-in-hand, sliding off the cliffside and jumping over the water below to race through the night. It reminded me of a night that felt like an eternity ago, the night before I met him and everything changed. Rose and I had run through the rain and laid together under the storming clouds. Though the night was clear and starry instead, this was the first time since then that we had a moment of true and easy peace between us. Maybe even more so than before.
Emmett embraced her warmly, pulling her hand from mine. He had to release her quickly, though, as Rose was passed around from Kate to Irina to Tanya as they emerged from different corners of the forest.
"Look at how gorgeous you are," Irina exclaimed, kissing each of her cheeks twice while Rose beamed. "How do you become more beautiful every time we see you?"
"I could say the same of you," Rose giggled, flicking the sharp ends of Irina's silvery hair.
"Truly just a goddess," Kate added, pulling her in for another kiss that met the corner of her mouth.
I rolled my eyes. They had been playing at the this faux-seduction routine for decades. I thought it was a little cheesy- all of them preferred the company of men over women, and Rose had Emmett so it wasn't like she could ever be remotely tempted. But Rose loved the attention, and they seemed to know it, so the affection continued.
I could hear her standing in the brush, watching us. I wondered when she would join, but it seemed as if we didn't have to wait long. Rose turned and looked in her direction, scanning the trees before saying, "You can come out now."
Alice stepped into sight quickly, lithely dancing over the rockiness of roots and rocks that obstructed her path.
"It's nice to see you again," Alice said softly. Her eyes were turned down as she came to stand in front of Rose.
I thought, once upon a time, that this encounter likely would have gone a bit differently. Rose would have been cold and simply nodded in her direction with a monosyllabic greeting, taking her months or years or decades to warm up.
But this wasn't a once upon a time scenario. It was our reality, and Rose wasn't the person she once was, whom I had been judging her by and characterizing her as for decades. With a soft smile on her lips, Rose stepped forward slowly and lightly wrapped her arms around Alice's shoulders. "Welcome to the family," she said.
Emmett's eyes flickered to me, but I wasn't looking at him.
Alice had her arms around Rose's waist and her face tucked into her chest. Rose was still smiling warmly, her neck bent so her cheek rested on the top of Alice's head. Alice's dark hair spiked upwards to tickle at Rose's nose, but Rose brushed it down tenderly.
Finally, Rose stepped away and out of Alice's embrace, but not in a brusque way. Rather, she squeezed her forearm kindly while looking Alice up and down.
"I see you're wearing… Irina's clothing?"
"Kate's," Alice corrected, glancing over to Kate who was smiling proudly.
"It's a little big on you," Rose pointed out. "And not exactly your style."
Alice smoothed a hand down her front. Her flimsy tank top was speckled with blood, and the red had soaked into the hem of the jean skirt she had belted around her waist. It was true, none of the clothing here quiet fit here. She was too small and slender. I was the one closest to her in height and size, but I hadn't brought much in the way of clothing either and had been forced to borrow from the others as well. I didn't think it suited me much either- the revealing allure had never much been my style.
"Luckily, I brought some pieces you might like," Rose said, grinning.
Alice looked up, her scarlet eyes alight with excitement.
"You brought clothes?" she asked, her body almost vibrating as she bounced on the balls of her feet.
"I did," Rose laughed. "I packed up some of your old clothes, but also brought new things for you to try on. We can figure out your new, permanent style."
Alice started chattering about various fashion trends she had always been interested in but never had the ability to execute- heels with red bottoms, chiffon dresses, alligator skin belts. Rose glanced at me knowingly.
"I didn't bring anything for you," she said.
"I know," I said with a smile, nodding. "Thank you."
"Wait," Emmett said, straightening up and staring at me as well. Three other sets of golden eyes turned to me as well, with only Alice distracted by clothes and still talking to Rose about the topic.
"Does this mean?" Tanya prompted, tucking her chin down so she was peering at me from beneath long lashes.
"Yes, it does," I confirmed. "I'm going home tonight."
"Excellent!" Emmett whooped, punching a fist into my shoulder joyfully.
"You're leaving?" Alice asked, looking at me with wide eyes as she was finally pulled from her one-sided conversation.
"It'd be a little conspicuous if both of us missed our senior year, wouldn't it?" I said lightly.
Alice didn't return my smile. Her bottom lip pouted out and her delicate brows pulled together as if she was about to cry.
"Oh, Bella," she cried, then launched herself forward and barreled into me. "I'm so sorry!"
"What could you possibly be sorry for?" I asked.
Alice squeezed her arms around me, and I could feel blunt pain in my sides from where she contracted around me. Emmett stepped towards us, arm extended and prepared to extricate me from her, but I put my hand up to stop him. It wasn't too painful to withstand.
"I don't know what came over me earlier," she sobbed. Her fingers dug into my skin, like she was clawing into me.
"I do," I said with a smile. "It was my fault, Alice. All newborns behave like this. If anything, you're remarkably rational, all things considered. It was my fault. I was sulking and acted out because of it. I never should have interrupted you. Your response was completely and totally understandable."
I ran my hand up and down her back, letting her relax into my arms. Eventually, her grip on me relaxed as well and her embrace loosened.
"I've never felt like that before," she whispered.
"I know. It's intense, isn't it?"
"Yes," she agreed softly. I could hear her swallow, and she shifted her weight in my arms.
"You need to hunt?" I asked. Alice nodded.
"Will you let Edward know I love him?" she asked.
"Of course," I promised.
"And you. I love you too, Bella."
"Well, I love you, too," I said softly. The crushing pain in my chest alleviated for a moment as I let the bond of my venom in her tie us together. It wasn't as concrete of a thing as the bond between mates. If it had been, then the vampires who created Carlisle and me wouldn't have been able to abandon us the moment they removed their teeth from our skin. But it was still there, this immeasurable connection of surging affection.
Alice pulled away from me and looked up, her hands still clutching either of my arms. Her eyes were glassy, her expression twisted into an unknowable agony that I didn't understand.
"I'm so sorry," she said again. "For everything."
I opened my mouth to ask her why, what on earth she was talking about. She had nothing to be sorry for. She seemed to accept my explanation for her snapping at me earlier as my fault, as was most else. But before I could actually get the words out, Alice had released me and flitted away, running into the night. Tanya and Kate danced forward to kiss me on the cheek before dashing after Alice.
"She's an odd one," Irina observed, watching the area through which the others had disappeared.
"She always has been," Emmett said. I glared at him through narrow eyes. "What?" he asked, brows raised and cheeks dimpling with a grin. "Am I wrong?"
"It's a little rude," I said.
"It's a lot true," Rose pointed out.
"Their first day of school, she showed up dressed in butterfly wings," Emmett reminded me. Irina's brows rose as she fought a smile, and I rolled my eyes.
"She wore them not infrequently," I admitted. "But they did suit her."
"And you know she was never scared of us?" Emmett told Irina. "Once, she walked straight up to Rose and me and started talking about the weather. No fear, no nothing."
"She was the same with me, always," I said. There was never any quickened pulse or rush of adrenaline, nor did she mind when my eyes had darkened with thirst. It was as if she was missing that essential instinct that drove humans away from us. Edward was the only other one of the like, which I had chalked up to the overwhelming force of our bond, but perhaps I was wrong and it was somehow genetic. It wouldn't have been the first time- Alec and Jane were twins, after all.
"Are you waiting for something?" Rose asked, one elegant brow arched pointedly.
I smiled sheepishly and shook my head.
"Then go," Rose commanded. Emmett waved cheerily, his arms wrapping around Rose as he kissed the crown of her head. Devotion was written clear across his face. It reminded me again of the time before Edward. I had watched Emmett do exactly the same thing, and such a fleeting, passing thought escaped my mind before I had even registered it. Would I ever get that too?
Yes, I would. I did have that.
The first part of my run back was filled with that sort of elation. With each mile bridged, the constant ache in my heart dulled a bit, as if I was physically experiencing his burgeoning closeness. Separation was not so easy when I knew what I was missing, especially since we didn't have that completion and consummation of it. I didn't even think of how I would survive Volterra as my feet flew across the rocky terrain. How could I feel anything but elation when propelled forward by love, and the assurance of laying my eyes on his in just a few hours' time?
I didn't know how I had once existed without this. It had been only months ago- so little time, in the grand scheme of things.
Before, I had gone months just lazing about, reading and hunting and doing nothing productive but pass the time. Years, even. Especially before I met Carlisle. With him, at least, I had direction. But time had lost meaning without any finality or sense of purpose, and I had never given much thought or credence to it. Time simply was.
It was remarkable how things had changed. Everything was charged with a sense of profound urgency now, and it lived under my skin, electrifying my every touch. Even before this mess, when it had been easier, this urgency was there. I could be with him, just sitting in the kitchen watching him eat cereal, and find myself looking forward to the next time he glanced up at me and I could be captured by the iridescence of his gaze. And when he would finally look up, and then I could find myself looking forward to his hand brushing against mine, twining through my hair, our lips touching and the way his heart soared with my unbeating one.
My entire existence had become colored with it. I didn't know how to go on without it.
And I found my steps slowing as this realization dawned on me.
I couldn't exist without him, that much I knew for sure. But what if he wished to live without me? It would surely make his life less complicated. I was the confounding factor, the catalyst to every trouble that he had endured since we met. Trauma lived in his past, but Forks could have been a fresh and quiet start until I set my eyes on him and the world stopped turning.
It was painful to think about, but I imagined it- his life without me. 'If we had never met' was a fantasy, completely fictional, but I entertained it. He and Alice would have gotten along okay in school. Alice was outgoing enough for the both of them, and he generally kept to himself anyways. They would have been able to work their way through therapy, and in such a sleepy little enclave so far away from any dramatics, they would have slowly begun to heal. It wouldn't have been an easy journey, nor a fast one, but time would have stitched across old wounds and bound them together into thick scars. They would have graduated together, and Charlie would have beamed and clapped thunderously while they got their diplomas and turned their tassels.
I imagined them going to college together, but maybe not right away. A gap year where he would spend all of his time outdoors, hiking and exploring, taking books with him everywhere he went. I could see him picking up a job at a music shop, maybe, or even teaching piano. He was gifted enough, and had been so incredibly patient while he guided my fingers across the keys, even though I never picked up the instinctual rhythm he carried innately.
And then they would head off together somewhere. I couldn't picture exactly where, but it was near the woods. Maybe because that was the only setting I had ever known him in. But I could see him so perfectly that it was blending into a scenario I was entertaining anyways- if he wished to live on without me.
I could see him making friends, but maybe not so easily. He kept himself so closed off, but he was so beautiful beneath the steely exterior that whoever took the time to peel it back wouldn't be able to help but adore him. And they would laugh over pizza and play video games, they would go on hiking trips up mountains, they would be all bundled up and Edward's face would be pinkened with cold and laughter at a winter football game.
He would study hard, and excel. With whatever he picked, his success was inevitable. I wondered if it would be music, but maybe even something that would help others. I could see that for him. His altruism extended into self-sacrifice, and he would need to find someone to help balance him.
I could almost picture her. Maybe they would meet in class, or a coffeeshop. Maybe she would come into a shop for music lessons, or she would drop her books and he would help her pick him up. She would be pretty- she would have to be beautiful to be his match. But she would be soft and warm, someone he could curl into at night and share his dreams with. They would do things right, and one day he would get down on one knee and slip a ring on her finger, and his crooked grin would hang across his full lips. He would look strapping on his wedding day, maybe a few years down the line, when stubble would shadow across the sharp lines of his jaw and smile lines curled around his eyes.
It wouldn't be long until her belly began to swell. I could see his hands curling around her womb protectively, his face glowing with adoration as they welcomed a new life. He would be the one to stay up with the crying baby, rocking it in his arms and kissing its forehead.
He would make sure that nothing bad ever happened to them. They would have the childhood he had deserved, happy and blissful, with doting parents who went to every soccer game and bandaged every scraped knee.
They would grow and age and mature and learn. Experience would line his face, and I could picture him sitting outside, watching his children and his children's children and marveling at how his life had blossomed. Maybe he would spare a thought to the vampire girl he had left behind, but with a life so full, he would never regret it.
That future was so beautiful, and I wanted it for him. Even if it meant torment for myself, I wanted that for him. It was what he would deserve. I just wondered if it was what he would pick. Truly, what alternative was there? Coldness and barrenness, and running from the sun. He wouldn't be able to put down roots, and would have to leave any friends he made behind.
I stalled going into Forks. Day was breaking, hazy through the grey morning clouds. I drained two deer that were unlucky enough to cross my path, though I wasn't really thirsty at all. The blood sloshed in my stomach, and I took my time clawing up dirt and burying the corpses.
Esme met me outside, before I even managed to cross into our property. I could hear her running towards me from the other side of the river, and as I launched myself across she almost collided into me when I landed. Her arms were around me in an instant, her head in my hair and her hand cupping the back of my head tenderly. Her shoulders quaked with sobs, and I found myself riddled with the same emotion.
It seemed overwhelming lately. I had never experienced such profound emotion before, not through my entire existence.
I had thought, once, that I knew, and could empathize. Leaving my human family, when I had grown too old and could no longer fake my age with heavy veils over my face, had been difficult. I loved them all, and leaving them behind for the unknown had been what I had once considered the most difficult decision of my existence.
But everything had been so even since then. I had actually considered everyone else to just be dramatic- Rose and Emmett especially, but Carlisle and Esme to a milder degree. It was because of how passionately Esme loved, and the strength of Carlisle's compassion, that they could rocket from one emotional extreme to another. I had never considered another reason for it.
I understood now, though. I let Esme smooth my hair as she cradled me in her arms and whispered words of motherly comfort and found that yes, I most definitely understood.
"Are you going to school today?" Esme asked finally. I peered up at her, watching as the morning light cast a pearly glow on her pale skin. The sun was peeking over the mountains in the east, trying to break through the cloud cover and let the world know that morning had come.
"That was the plan."
"You always were a good student," she said lightly.
"I was when I was human, too," I said, not quite sure why. Esme drew back, surprised as much as I was. "I liked reading. It wasn't very common for girls to be educated beyond the basics, even in the aristocracy, but I loved to read so much. My parents had me tutored, just like the boys., and I was the only one who loved every minute of it. I liked curling up and losing myself in new subjects. It was like it was a new world to explore, each one with its own mysteries to unlock."
"That's beautiful, Bella," Esme said softly. Her warm fingertips brushed along the side of my cheek to tuck back a stray lock of hair, just like Edward always did. "You've always been so beautiful, inside and out."
I rolled my eyes. "You have to say that."
"No," she said forcefully, shedding my attempt at humor for seriousness. "I don't."
I couldn't meet her gaze. "You think I've been an idiot too, huh?"
"Did Rose tell you that?"
"She called me an idiot," I laughed, though the sound felt empty. "She never offered your opinion on the subject. I came to that conclusion myself."
"My opinion doesn't really matter, Bella. Neither does Rose's. It's what you think of yourself, and how that shapes your decisions, that matters."
"How do I make decisions when I have no idea what I'm doing?" I cried, catching a sob in my throat.
"How do any of us?" Esme asked, pressing her lips together in a frown of regret. "This is all new for you. Sometimes I forget, because of how steady and constant you've always been, that you're as young as you are."
"I feel lost," I admitted.
"A marker of youth," Esme sighed. "It evens out."
"So you all keep saying," I mumbled, but Esme ignored me.
"It's difficult to do anything when you don't know exactly what the right choices are. You've always had that benefit of assurance, your entire existence. But this… it's unknown. It's new and exciting and more wonderful than anything in the entire world, and with that comes the doubt. You just have to trust yourself, and trust Edward. It's the only advice I can give you."
"Sage wisdom," I sighed.
"I do have that, every once in a while," Esme said with a smile, and she wrapped me in her arms again.
"I know," I said. In the dynamic of our family, it was so often we seemed to undervalue or overlook Esme. We all had our roles. Carlisle was our leader and guide, his direction and sense of purpose set us on the right path. Rose reminded us of the value of humanity, of valuing it and preserving it. Emmett and I were both protectors, and in my case it was more than physical. Though my gift hadn't been very useful the only time it truly mattered.
I hadn't been able to protect them from James.
But Esme… she was soft and warm, always available for a kind word or embrace. But she was so much more than just Carlisle's mate, a background player in our overarching arch. She was our moral compass. The lynchpin of our family. She was the one who helped Rose through her darkest days. She was able to ground Emmett, to remind him of the importance of family and keep us all together when Rose and Emmett got lost in each other. She gave Carlisle light. He had been a man wandering in the dark before she lit up his existence. I hadn't really understood that before, either.
She forgave everything because her heart was so full of love, and it was a lesson I hadn't been ready to learn. There was so much tragedy in her past, and slips of her own, but everything paled in the warmth of her enduring love.
I dressed normally- a light grey long-sleeved shirt with a soft V-neck and a pair of light-washed jeans. I left my hair down but brushed it out a bit so the windblown tangles came out. I slipped on my shoes on and laced them up and slung my backpack stocked by Esme with pens and pencils over my shoulder.
I hadn't given myself a moment, but I surveyed my room.
Edward had been here. His scent hung everywhere, curling into my throat and pulling out that comforting rush of venom that reminded me of his presence more than any thirst. He had laid in our bed. I plucked a few stray hairs of his from the pillow, holding them up so they glimmered a shiny copper in the morning light. I wasn't sure why, but I twisted them in my finger and tucked them into my pocket.
He had touched the spines of the books stacked on the floor beside the bed, but hadn't opened any of them. He had fingered through my music, but he hadn't actually touched the stereo to listen to anything.
I paused at the two small frames that were sat on the top of my shelf. One was a picture of the two of us, taken at prom. I didn't care much for photos of myself- even the painting that hung in the library I only kept because it was painted by a friend. I would have creased the picture and folded it over so it was only Edward if Esme hadn't framed it for me first.
Edward had picked up the picture, held it in his hands. I did the same, reviewing the photo through the clean glass. I had looked fine, if a little bewildered. I hadn't been expecting to go to prom, but it was so rare that I was caught off guard that I hadn't had time to process it. Edward, on the other hand, looked positively dreamy. He was just a bit shorter than now, his silky hair swept out of his face as he stared at the camera with happy green eyes and a crooked grin. In comparison, I looked out of place beside him.
He had also touched the outside of the other frame, though he hadn't held it like he had the other. It was the bouquet of wildflowers he had given to me, still tied together with a blue ribbons. Esme had pressed them and framed it for me.
It was my most treasured possession.
I held it in my hands too. I could recall his smile as he gave it to me so clearly, shy and crooked, and how his face flushed and filled the car with the sweet scent of his blood. Yes, that had certainly been a wonderful day.
Esme handed me two brown paper bags, folded closed to contain a carefully crafted breakfast and lunch. It was almost overly-familiar, this routine. As if the past month had never happened. I took the two bags from her and kissed her on the cheek.
"You know what to do, Bella," Esme promised me. I wasn't as sure.
I was still plenty early. My car was fully-fueled and shining and waiting for me in the garage. The engine purred softly as I twisted the key in the ignition, and I ran my hands over the steering wheel.
Rose had gotten it from where I left it at the airport in Portland. I could smell the perfume of her scent on the leather. I flipped open my phone to send a text in thanks and immediately got a response:
Get to class.
I snapped my phone shut and stashed it back where it belonged in the glove box. I never particularly liked carrying a phone. It felt like such a cold and distant way of communicating, and not having a phone way a way to keep myself distant from the human friends I made. If they didn't have a number, they wouldn't try to keep in contact with me once we all went our separate ways.
It was a good excuse, all things considered, but Emmett just called me old-fashioned.
I tore down the street, enjoying the pleasant speed. There was nothing quite like running, but I enjoyed driving as much as the rest of us, even if I was dreading what I was driving to. The streets were slick with rain, and the entire town was still only just waking up so there were only a few other cars on the road.
I swung the car along the curb at the front of the house, parking in front of the familiar house that seemed suddenly so unfamiliar. I knew that when I listened closely, I wouldn't be able to hear that singular flutter of Alice's heart. I wouldn't see her dance out the front door, skin flushed with excitement and life as she readied herself for a new day. Who knew what waited in there when I knocked on the door? A familiar crooked grin, or a scowl and cold stare?
I was grateful that Charlie wasn't home. He had told me months before that one of his deputy's wife was pregnant, and her due date would be around this time. Understaffing was one of the only reasons I could think of for Charlie leaving him alone on the morning of his first day of school.
The air was thick and humid, and the rain sprinkled down lightly as I walked up the front steps. If I had a beating heart, I knew it would have been pounding in my chest by now. Even without it, there was a seeping ache of fear in my chest, and I felt almost nauseated by it. I wished I hadn't hunted before coming, because I could still feel the blood curdling in my stomach.
My knocks on the front door felt hollow, and I could hear him sigh and groan in his room. Of course. He was still asleep. It was why his heart had been beating so slowly and evenly, and his breaths at such a temperate rhythm. I had come far earlier than he would need to get up, and he had never been a morning person anyways.
I rethought my plan. In actuality, I didn't have much of a plan at all. Twelve hours ago, I hadn't expected to be back in Forks, just two inches of flimsy wood and twenty feet away from him. And ever since, I had been running back with thoughts of distant futures, never of what I would say when
he
opened
the
door.
It was suddenly six months ago, and I was standing in that cafeteria being introduced by the strange new girl to her brother. He looked at me through half-closed eyes, obscuring his piercing verdant gaze with thick lashes. I fell into them, surprised I didn't physically stumble forward. The whole world faded away, and if I tried to recall it later, I knew I wouldn't be able to remember anything but the curve of his lips and the furrowing of his brow.
"Y-you're here?" he whispered. His voice wrapped around me like warm honey, and I wanted to drown myself in it.
My mouth opened but no words came out. Thousands of different apologies flipped through my mind instantaneously, but none of them seemed to measure up to what I felt by even a fraction.
I did the only thing I could think that would encompass the deep, wallowing sorrow I felt.
I sank to my knees.
There's this Rembrandt painting that immediately came to mind. It was one of the great master's last works, created while I was still tucked away in Volterra and no longer the active participant in society I had once been. It's of a man on his knees, dressed in a tattered robe. He had one foot bare, the other only half-covered by a worn shoe. And was begging for forgiveness from the father he had wronged.
I was begging for forgiveness from the love I had damaged.
I waited for a reaction, and milliseconds felt like years.
I could only hope to feel his warm hands on my shoulders as the father in the painting, embracing his son with a look of benevolence and beneficence.
"No!" he gasped, and I recoiled automatically. It was rejection I came to face.
But he didn't leave me. I had given him the space to shut the door on me if he wished, I just wasn't sure if I would be able to move after he left me. But he didn't leave. Instead, he slowly stooped down.
I realized he was kneeling too. The tops of his knees were pressed against mine, and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face, then the heat of his finger under my chin, coaxing my head up. He was still taller than me, even like this. I looked up.
"P-please, d-don't cry," he whispered, his fingers brushing under my eye to catch phantom tears. I didn't even realize that my body was trembling with sobs. "It's okay, love."
Suddenly I could hear everything, see everything. With three simple words, my senses expanded. It was as if the funnel weaver spider spinning its web under the gutter on the roof was doing so beside my ear, the hawk soaring above the forest was gliding through my hair. I could taste the morning sun on my tongue, mixing with the light sweetness that was Edward.
Love. Was that what I was? Was it even a term of endearment I deserved?
"I'm so sorry," I cried. Edward stood, taking my hands in his and I let him pull me up with him. He stepped backwards into the house, taking me with him. He had kicked the door closed behind me and led me to the couch with his hands on my forearms.
Edward pulled me onto his lap. I bent my knees up and curled into a ball in his arms, letting him hold me. His hands were everywhere- my hair, the nape of my neck, trailing down my spine to the small of my back. His hand splayed out on the curve of my waist, singing me with the heat of his touch.
It was bliss. It was electrifying. It was terrifying. The lancet of aching pain that had speared through my heart and taken up residence in the cavity of my chest was dissipating with each moment his skin was on mine. I wanted to crawl inside of him and just be home, as if it was something I could actively become.
"It's okay," he murmured again, his lips pressed into my hair.
And again, words didn't come when I had so much to say, so much to apologize for. How could I, when I was Atlas being liberated from the weight of the celestial heavens on my shoulders? Every cell in my body was humming with the joy of relief.
I missed everything. The gentle rhythm of his heart beat, the way I could see his blood rushing under the delicate expanse of his skin. I touched the pad of my index finger to the whitened skin of a scar stretched over the inside of his wrist, and his muscle tightened and rippled under my touch. I thought he was going to pull away from me, unwind his arms from around me and push me off his chest.
Instead, he sighed deeply, his face still pressed into my hair. I could feel the warmth of the soft skin of his lips on my scalp. Edward seemed to melt into me and I found that I returned the expression. All the tension that had been weighing me down like lead in my bones was dissipating.
My sobs faded, and I hadn't realized I had still been crying. My breaths matched the even pace of his, each one filling my lungs with the sweet burn of his scent. One of his hands was twisted through my hair, curling it around his fingers so he was entwined with me.
"I'm so sorry," I said again.
"You have n-nothing t-to be s-s-sorry for."
"I have everything to be sorry for!" I exclaimed, still back, though I was still curled against him with my legs draped over his.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, you d-don't."
"How could you-"
The hand that had been caressing the apple of my cheek trailed down so his finger was pressed against my lips. His eyes flickered down and darkened. I opened my mouth subconsciously, trying to taste his skin on my tongue.
"Can we j-just… n-not talk?" he asked.
I swallowed but nodded. I had been doing a lot of talking lately- Emmett, Alice, Rose, Esme. Everyone had an opinion, and everyone made their thoughts known. We didn't have to lay it all out now. "Okay," I agreed.
His hand was on the back of my head and he pulled me back down to him so my cheek was on the dip of his collarbone. One arm was wrapped around my waist, the other cupping my face. I could hear his heart beating in my own head, no longer the echo of a memory but now a concrete and tangible reality. He was humming something so softly it resided only in the back of his throat, vibrating through his chest. I was careful to keep my hands tight against him, as he had once asked me to do on a much different sort of day.
"Were y-you p-planning on going to s-s-school today?" he asked. Minutes had slipped by like sand in an hourglass, and I registered that a more human hour had dawned.
"That was the idea," I said hesitantly. In actuality, I didn't want to leave his arms, even if that meant missing something as pedestrian as high school.
He was quiet and unmoving. I wondered if he was possibly uncomfortable- I was heavier than a human of my size would have been, but he didn't move or even shift his weight under me.
"We'll n-need to leave s-s-soon then," he pointed out. But instead of releasing me, he held me tighter so I could feel his fingers twitching with the strain of exertion.
"Yes, I guess we do," I agreed, also contradicting myself by nestling closer to him.
"D-ditching on our f-first d-day…"
"Probably not a good look," I admitted. The question was whether I had the strength to move away from him, but it was answered for me when Edward sighed and loosened his arms. In the repeated trend, I was never the responsible one between the two of us.
"I n-need to use the b-bathroom," he said, the heat of a flush blooming up his neck. I immediately slid off of him. Of course. It had only been a few weeks and I was again unadjusted to the confines of humanity.
He stood, then turned and looked back down at me with an unfathomable depth to his eyes. "D-don't l-leave, please?" he asked, his voice soft and pleading.
"I'm not going anywhere," I promised. I leaned back as if to relax to demonstrate, and stilled my movements so I was frozen in place. Edward nodded, the ghost of a smile on his lips before he turned and almost raced up the stairs.
True to my word, I didn't move even a centimeter. I heard the water run, and the sound of a brush ripping through his hair with force. He bounded back down the stairs in minutes, his face flushed and his pulse quickened but a brightness sparkling in his eyes that told me that he wasn't afraid, or as aware of the grief I was still clinging to.
Because though we followed the same routine we had before, it was still emptier, incomplete. Edward's fingers were curled around mine as I drove. He ate the breakfast sandwich Esme had made for him during the drive, humming softly to the tune of a saxophone on the oldies station.
But it wasn't the same. There was no Alice bouncing in the backseat, demanding he switch it to a pop station so she could actually sing along with something, and Edward countering that the music she listened to lacked soul or depth. She would be stuck arguing music with Edward, who would run circles around her while referencing theory and naming chord progressions, and Alice would still stubbornly object until I just gave in and changed it to the top 40s station. It had been an every-morning occurrence, until it wasn't.
If I had thought this day would be earth-shaking and world-changing, I was wrong. I had waited for an ultimatum or definitive sentencing from Edward, some kind of solid directive. School was an unremarkable event. I was inundated with the constant chattering of gossiping speculation about Alice's disappearance- she was off doing drugs or was sold into a human trafficking ring. There were even some absolutely wild stories about Alice being abducted by a cartel that was trying to blackmail Carlisle for drug smuggling, and either Edward or me had been unsuccessful in negotiating for her freedom, or some variation of the tale.
None of it seemed to bother Edward, if he noticed or heard at all.
By Esme's charming conviction, we had almost exactly the same schedule with the exceptions of Physics and our different math classes.
I wondered if that was wise. September was creeping forth and I would leave again in just a few weeks, and I could only imagine the emptiness I would feel if the roles were reversed and every room I had become used to him being in was vacated after he left.
If there was one thing I was surprised by, it was Jessica's silence. She had been in our Gym class and US History in the morning, and she shared Calculus with Edward while I was stuck in Physics. I had expected Jessica of all people to be the one to strut up to us and demand answers to the questions everyone was asking.
Edward and I floated about the day with an almost-forced casualness, and entered the cafeteria with our hands twined together to blatant staring and loud whispers. We sat alone at the table that, six months ago, I had been sitting at when Alice Masen found me.
I took a seat first, and Edward slid in beside me. In the seconds between, I imagined it again. Rose and Emmett had disappeared into the woods during lunch, and ended up skipping fifth period as well. I had sat alone at Alice's request that we sit together during lunch- sit, not eat. I had found her wording peculiar, even then. When- not if- I came back from Volterra, and once she was more in control and capable of a thorough conversation, I had more than a few questions for Alice.
Alice had found me first, and I remembered spotting him from across the room. I had been stunned. That realignment of the world, that completely charged and electrifying feeling had been entirely new to me. Now it was a constant.
If I thought back on what I was before, it was a miracle I could concentrate on anything other than the pulsing warmth of his skin on mine now. It was as overwhelming now as it had been the very first time, exacerbated with the reality that I soon wouldn't be able to hold his hand in mine or watch the way his mouth wrapped around the shiny scarlet skin of an apple.
Even in my enamored state, I could hear Lauren Mallory loudly ask Jessica if she thought that Alice had gotten into drugs, or if Edward had killed her and Chief Swan covered it up. I glanced over at the table I had once sat at.
Jessica shrugged noncommittally. "Did you guys see that Ashley Dowlings and Austin are dating?" she asked, changing the subject immediately as Mike laughed made a show of cheering Austin on. He wrapped his arm around Jessica's shoulder. They were a well-suited pair. Mike was a nice boy, cheerful and optimistic and, after years of having him shyly ask me out on dates, it was nice to see him happy.
"What are y-you th-thinking?" Edward asked, noticing my distraction.
"About Mike," I told him. Edward's jaw clenched and I could hear his teeth grinding together. "And Jessica," I added quickly. "They're still dating."
His jaw released, but he didn't seem any less tense. "You d-don't mind?"
I cocked my head and looked at him. "Why would I mind?" Did he think I had an interest in Mike Newton? The idea was laughably outrageous.
"We b-both s-s-saw her with Tyler, at the p-party."
I bit down on my bottom lip contemplatively as I picked up a potato chip and studied it. I could see the microscopic flakes of salt on the ridges of the chip. "I suppose…" I sighed and leaned forward, dropping the chip to cup my neck absentmindedly. "I suppose I don't think much of things like that. Human emotions can be so fleeting that, when they do find a source of happiness, I don't resent them holding on to that feeling."
Edward looked down and stared blankly at the remaining half of his sandwich. "D-do you think th-that of me?"
I wasn't following. "That you hold on to that feeling?"
"That I'm sh-shallow l-like that?" he clarified.
"Of course not," I blanched. But doubt seeped in, and I wondered if maybe he was broaching this topic for a reason. Was this an easy way to break the news? In a crowded cafeteria of buzzing humans and prying eyes waiting and studying our every move? I wasn't used to being the subject of such intense scrutiny in a place I had lived for so long. Gossip typically died down a few weeks after we moved to a new town, and it renewed again with Edward, but it had seemed as if everyone had grown used to us. Alice's disappearance had created a new furor over the subject of the Cullen family, and as much as I disliked the direction of the narrative, it was my job to listen in and make sure that no one was close to the truth.
Based on what I had heard throughout the morning, no one was anywhere near the truth.
"Lauren th-thinks all of us are s-s-some k-kind of drug addicts," Edward finally said.
"All of us? All I've heard is you and Alice," I said, glad to have something to share a secret smile over with him.
"Yes, sh-she th-thinks it's a different k-kind of d-drug though. She hasn't c-come up w-with any concrete ideas, but she's s-s-speculated that Carlisle g-gave it to all of you t-to m-make you p-pale and… extra pretty."
I frowned, listening closer to the now-irrelevant direction of conversation several tables over. They were talking about class schedules, with Angela having a side-conversation with a sweet girl named Whitney over setting up a playdate with their little brothers. I hadn't heard her talking about me or my family- most of that gossip had died out in our first year here, and it was mostly centered on plastic surgery experiments or rare diseases. The plastic surgery one was laughable, but none of us minded the rare disease guess. It gave us an excuse to not eat much, and explained our similar physical features though obviously none of us were biologically related.
"I wonder what drug could make that happen?" I asked lightly. I couldn't recall Edward ever having spoken to Lauren Mallory directly, but I wasn't going to pry if he wasn't offering.
"There are s-s-some d-drugs that can m-make you p-pale, aren't there?" He wasn't being confrontational, just making conversation.
"Sure," I shrugged. "If we were all addicted to heroin, I feel like someone would have noticed by now. There are some others- EGFR inhibitors, BRAF inhibitors, IL-2. None of them would sap any color from the skin, though. None of them would make someone look like death."
"You l-look v-very warm, to me," he said softly. One hand came up to cup my cheek. His eyes were deep and smoldering. I forgot to breathe or blink, enraptured with the way his pupils dilated and consumed the verdant coloring. "Why is that?"
The heat of his palm was scorching my skin, the shock of his contact sending sparks through my cheeks. I felt flushed with it.
"Hmm?" I asked, losing my train of thought.
"You l-look f-flushed," he pointed out, mirroring my exact feelings.
"I hunted this morning," I whispered, keeping my voice low. I leaned into the warmth of his hand, nuzzling his skin. "It might be what you're seeing. I'm surprised you noticed."
"It usually f-fades after a f-few hours," he observed. "I've n-noticed, but n-never m-made the connection."
The bell broke our connection, and Edward tucked an errant lock of hair behind my ear before withdrawing. I tossed my hair over my shoulder- a Rose move- and stood up. Edward packed up the sparse leftovers of his lunch and slung his bag over his shoulder, then held a hand out to me, palm up and open in offering. I slipped my fingers through his, and we walked hand-in-hand to class.
He walked me right to the door of my physics class. It was the same room as Biology last year, the same period. I wondered if it was some sick sign, but I couldn't figure out how to unfold it. He departed with a casual smile and a kiss pressed to the same cheek his hand had been on minutes before.
"You have Calculus now, right?" I asked pointlessly. I already knew, and Edward nodded.
"It'll be fine," I promised. He frowned and looked away, towards the stream of students heading into the room. "It will," I said assuredly, squeezing his hand softly in mine.
"I d-don't l-like math," he groaned, the hint of a cry crushing through the velvet of his voice.
"Calculus isn't as bad as trig was," I said. "It's actually kind of fun. You already have the unit circle memorized, and the rest of calculus is just memorizing a few formulas and plugging numbers in."
Edward looked at me doubtfully, and I smiled at the disbelief in his face.
"It is fun!" I laughed. "Once you get through the first couple of weeks, most of the questions are pretty interesting word problems. 'If you want to create a rectangular yard, with one side up against the wall of a house, with ninety-six feet of fencing to use, what's the largest area you can enclose?' It's stuff we use every day!"
Edward snorted and rolled his eyes, but he seemed to relax some.
"S-s-so what's th-the answer?" he asked.
"One thousand fifty-two square feet," I said promptly. He grinned at my answer, genuine and crooked and devastatingly beautiful enough to break my heart. I smiled back at him.
"How'd y-you know that?"
"Stop stalling and I'll tell you later," I joked, pushing lightly at his shoulder to get him off to class. He groaned again, but this time it was playful. He pressed one more kiss to my cheek, his fingers straying to linger along the hollow of my throat before he dashed down the hall. I could hear him make it to Building 5 just in time for the late bell to ring.
I slipped into the room while Mr. Banner was making his introduction, but he didn't mind my tardiness. None of the teachers ever commented on our comings and goings. I pulled out a notebook and diligently transcribed the outline of the course, paying rapt attention to Mr. Varner a few buildings over, lecturing his second senior Calculus class about the importance of calculus and reviewing the basics of trigonometry they would use during the year. I had heard the same lecture in the morning- Edward had been in Physics- but I mentally ticked through all the topics. Edward knew everything- he could simplify and expand polynomials, he could graph functions, he got the basics of trigonometric equations.
I wondered who would help him while I was gone. He wouldn't be confident enough in himself to not need help, though I was confident he would be able to manage just fine without anyone. Esme, probably. She was the most patient of all of us. But, for some reason, I could now picture Rose sitting at the dining room table with him, a pencil carelessly skewed through her golden hair and a notebook between them. Yes, I was sure he would manage just fine without me.
Our last class was English, which passed quickly enough. We would be opening the year with Romeo and Juliet, and I flipped through the copy the school administered. It had doodles in it from students of years past, not all of them PG.
"I have a much nicer copy at home," I whispered to Edward. Edward glanced over at me, brows furrowed. I bent the spine to show him a page and he rolled his eyes and shook his head, turning back to the front of the room where Mr. Mason was telling us that, if we behaved, he'd show us the movie at the end of the unit.
"I hope it's the good one by Zeffirelli," I whispered again. "The Baz Luhrmann adaptation gave me a migraine."
"You d-don't get migraines," Edward retorted softly.
I shrugged jocularly, but before I could say anything Mr. Mason looked towards us and asked if I had any questions about the syllabus. I shook my head deferentially, and spent the rest of the lesson writing everything he said down verbatim. The teasing smile never left Edward's mouth.
It was easy again.
Without all of the words and explanations, apologies and begging, it was still easy.
I took us back to Charlie's after school to find the cruiser in the driveway and the chief waiting in the kitchen. He stood when he heard the key in the lock. Edward took my bag from me before I could leave the foyer and hung it up on the coatrack. I smiled at him in thanks, and he threaded our fingers back together and lead me to face his foster father.
Charlie's brows shot up when he saw me, and I could see him grip the neck of his beer tightly until his knuckles whitened. My sheepish smile seemed vapid, and melted off of my face.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie," I started.
He raised a hand up. "It wasn't your fault." Little did he know.
"I'm sorry for disappearing. For not helping. For not being around. I can't even imagine what you felt, what you're going through. It was unforgiveable, but I hope I might one day show you that I'm worthy of forgiveness."
Unlike with my attempt apology this morning, Charlie let me go on. Words didn't impart the depth of my sorrow, but I hoped he would let me show him through my actions.
"Thank you," he said quietly. "Your mom explained that you had an obligation with your birth family, but…" Charlie trailed off, but his hand came to firmly rest on Edward's shoulder, and I understood what he meant. I didn't need to be telepathic to see the strife and grief that both of them but Edward especially had endured, all without me there to help.
"I couldn't be more sorry for everything that happened."
Charlie stared down at the green glass in his hand, swirling it slightly so a hint of vapor escaped the mouth of it. "Is everything okay with your family?" he asked. I knew he was trying to see if it was worth me leaving right in the middle of tragedy. It was also the opening Esme and Carlisle had provided me with excusing my impending absence.
"Not really, actually," I said with a frown, steadying my voice. I hit all the markers of telling the truth. I kept my breath even and paced my blinking. It was something Charlie would notice more than anyone, especially since he was one of the few humans who had ever actually gotten to know me. And I wasn't straying far from the truth, anyways. "They've always caused problems. It's one of the main reasons Carlisle took me away and they've been mostly quiet since, but now that I'm older and almost of-age, they're trying to regain control of me. And… well, it's just messy."
Nothing would make up for leaving Edward, not now or in a month when I would be forced to do it again. But it seemed I had given him enough for Charlie to glean the difficult of the situation, and I was the recipient of forgiveness I didn't deserve.
"I got some cake from the diner. Celebrate first day of school and all. Want some?" Charlie offered.
"I would love some, thank you," I said with a smile. Edward held a chair out for me, and took my hand in his and squeezed lightly. I looked over at him as Charlie opened up the paper box and sliced up the cake. It was small, with the word Congratulations written in looping red icing. Edward wasn't looking at me, but I could tell that we were both acutely aware of each other.
Charlie asked us about our first day of school, and I could tell he wanted to know if anyone had given Edward a hard time about Alice. He never said her name, but the grief was palpable. It was all I could do to stop myself from letting Charlie know that she was fine, for all intents and purposes. That she wasn't dead in a ditch, or abducted and living in some kind of hell. I could only imagine the line of his thoughts, given his line of work.
I forked the cake down, trying to swallow it whole before it dissolved on my tongue. The sugar was rancid and the weight of it in my stomach felt nauseating.
"It's just too bad we don't have a music class or something," I added to the conversation about our senior year choice between physics and chemistry. "Edward would excel at that."
"You know what? I've still never heard you play!" Charlie exclaimed. It was true. We had discussed it, before, but inviting Charlie over had never actually occurred.
"We'll have to make that happen soon," I promised.
"I h-haven't p-practiced in a while," Edward argued.
"You don't need to practice. You're brilliant."
"I s-s-still n-need to. Rose s-s-said l-last time that m-my m-measure progression f-from major to minor is p-pitchy."
"Rose has a sensitive ear and a knack for criticizing," I countered.
Edward shrugged and turned back to his second slice of cake, forking a large bite of icing into his mouth. I followed the path, watching the white sheen of sugar catch the fullness of his bottom lip. It was the first time I had ever wanted to actually taste sugar, to lick it off of him.
"Is your sister still around?" Charlie asked. I pulled my gaze from Edward's mouth, looking down when I saw Charlie staring at me. He had obviously noticed the object of my line of sight.
"She and Emmett are taking a year off. They needed a break, and there's been a lot going on. They want to travel a little later in the year. Maybe go to Europe or something."
"Europe, well now that's a big adventure. They'd be going by themselves?"
"Yeah, like a backpacking trip," I said, stifling a laugh at the thought of Rose possibly being capable of going on a trip with only enough clothing to fit in a singular backpack. Emmett would be traipsing around Europe with eight suitcases strapped to his back like a pack mule. "We have some family in England and Ireland, so I'm sure they'll check in with them."
"Have you ever been?"
"To Europe?" I clarified.
Charlie nodded. "Yeah. England, Ireland, Europe, anywhere?"
"Sure, I've seen a few things. My biological family is Italian, so I've been there in that context. And to visit our family in Ireland and England. Carlisle likes to make sure we keep in touch." For us, that contact came every few decades or so- or, in Alistair's case, a century- but Charlie didn't need to know that.
"That's good. Those are good experiences to have."
"Did you ever get the chance to travel?" I asked, chancing a person question so soon after my return.
Charlie didn't seem offended, or even bothered. "No, never did. My parents were older, and I stuck around to take care of them. Can't say I ever caught the travel bug, though. I like it here well enough."
I tightened my hold on Edward's hand almost imperceptibly. He was so warm. "I couldn't agree more."
Charlie cleared the plates and left us along after Edward pulled out a review packet from Calculus. The television switched on, and he told us to let him know if we needed anything. It seemed as though forgiveness came easy to Charlie Swan.
I grabbed mine from my bag in the foyer, and we started working our way through the beginning of it. Varner had wanted to make sure no one forgot anything over the summer, and it seemed as though Edward certainly had.
"You know this!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah, m-maybe three m-months ago I did. How am I s-s-supposed t-to remember how t-to r-rationalize an expression? That w-was n-ninth g-grade math, and it w-wasn't l-like I was g-going to s-s-school m-much then anyways."
I bit down on my bottom lip to hide my frown, but my pencil snapped in my hand anyways. Even ripping his head from his body did nothing to curb the raging hatred I held for James. I wished I could have made it last longer. An eternity of agony wouldn't have been enough for him.
Edward didn't comment, he simply swept the broken pencil into the trash and handed me a new one from his own case. I mumbled my thanks and tore out a piece of scratch paper, where I wrote down some examples of rational expressions and how to work backwards into polynomial fractions.
"How d-did you d-do that p-problem from earlier?" he asked curiously. "The one w-with the f-fence?"
"I'm sure we'll cover it this year."
Edward cocked a brow expectantly and I smiled and sighed. I tore out another sheet of paper and drew a rectangle, labelling one side with the house, the two width sides as x, and the length as y. "You're solving for y, right? Well, we can assume that 2x-y=96, because 96 is how many feet of fencing we have. This means y=-2x+96. You can plug that in to the area formula, A=xy, so you plug what you have y as to get all the same variables. Now it's A=x(-2x+96), which you can simplify to A=-2x+96x. Derive it into A'=-4x+96, and then you can assume the maximum of A' is 0, so set it equal to 0 and you get x=24. Plug it in to the original formula and you get y. Multiply the two, and there you go. One thousand fifty-two square feet."
I looked up and Edward's expression was blank. Suddenly, he threw his arms up and sank down in his seat so he could press his head into the table. "I'm n-never g-going to understand that," he groaned.
"Well, I might have skipped a few steps," I said, looking at the piece of paper and noticing that I had left most of the basic math out. "I don't think I'm a very good teacher," I said timidly. I brushed his hair back, trying to slick the silky copper strands from his face unsuccessfully. His forehead was smack on the table, the strong slope of his nose smushed against the laminate. He turned his head so his cheek was on the counter, his face looking up at me.
"Wanna cheat?" he asked, a crooked grin spreading across his lips and coloring his eyes with a lively sparkle.
I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh, and Edward joined.
"C'mon, Bluto. Get to work," I laughed, pushing the packet back in front of him as he straightened up.
"Bluto?"
"The John Belushi character from Animal House. Not a good example," I said, laughing again. Emmett had loved the movie when it came out, and quoted the 'zero point zero' line constantly for the better part of a decade. At least I knew that Edward wouldn't resort to some dumb hijinks like stealing exam answers.
I only hoped that I was home again in time to help in any way I could. I couldn't be gone for long, could I? It was a quick, in-and-out task to be done in Volterra.
It was a thought I kept repeating to myself, as if I could manifest it into the truth. In actuality, I could very well be walking into a trap. There was no other good reason for Jane and Alec to have sat on the sidelines in Seattle. Other than to watch us fight like we were gladiators in an arena, I guessed. They were sadistic enough to enjoy that, though I was sure Jane and Felix would have been itching to join in. Felix just liked fighting, plain and simple. But Jane's bloodlust, the way she relished in inflicting pain… it was unrivaled.
I didn't know, and that was just as frustrating. I hated being in the dark.
The only dark I liked now was the one in Edward's bedroom at night. We curled into each other like nothing had changed, his arms wrapping around me and his legs twisting around mine. His skin was still hot from his shower, his hair dark and damp and leaving a spot of wetness of his pillow. I would move him while he slept so he didn't have to sleep in it.
I tucked my head down so my face was nestled into his neck. His pulse beat steadily and evenly, and the smell here was unparalleled. I swallowed back the automatic release of venom, relishing in the burn in my throat that reminded me that he was alive, that he was present. I could even see the thrum of blood under the delicate gossamer stretch of his skin, and his hand stroked up and down my spine. Each place he touched felt like I was electrified, and I found my back arching to get closer to him.
"J-just t-tell me one thing," he said softly, breaking the expansive silence that had blanketed us since we rolled into bed.
"What's that?" I asked. Charlie had gone to bed, so it was safe to talk now.
"She's okay, right? Safe?"
I sighed heavily and clasped my hands together between us, as if I was a small child praying.
"She's more than fine," I started. "She's quicker and stronger than any of us. She loves to run and race. She swims in the lake near the house and will disappear under water for hours in her exploration. She climbs mountains and jumps off of waterfalls. She sits under the stars all night for as long as she can, and she'll make up her own constellations and stories."
I thought of the Alice I had left behind, smiling even through her inner turmoil with the newborn instinct that was impossible to fight.
"She's well-suited to this existence. More so than most I've seen. She carries on conversations, she laughs and makes jokes and listens to advice when someone provides it." I sighed again and burrowed closer. Edward's arms tightened around me as if on instinct, but his heart continued its steady and slow race. My voice softened as I said, "She's happy. She loves you. She told me to tell you when I saw you how much she loves you."
I could smell the salt of tears without seeing them, but none spilled. Edward held me close to him, pulling me on to his chest as he rolled onto his back, so I couldn't see his face unless I pulled myself away from his embrace. And I certainly wasn't going to do that any time soon.
"I love h-her too," he said quietly, anguish laced in his voice.
"I know," I said. I was at a loss for words, but Edward didn't seem to want anything. He held me close, one hand on my back and the other twisted through my hair. Eventually, his breathing slowed into the rhythm of sleep. The night was dark but filled with the melody of his heart and the liveliness of his dreams, and I let myself stay wrapped in that warmth.