The Sky Is Crying- Albert King

Death Letter Blues- Son House

We had only just slid into a smooth stop before I ran for the door and almost tore it from the hinges. They were all standing in a huddle beside two discreet black cars. But I was too delirious to notice anything else- not Esme's sobs or Rose hiding her face in a grinning Emmett's chest.

My feet caught each other and I stumbled forward again, but righted myself without Jasper's help for once and threw myself straight into Edward's half-open arms.

"Bella," he whispered into my hair. Rose drew a sharp breath behind me, and Carlisle whispered an exclamation. I didn't know why they seemed so surprised. I didn't know why they were here, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

It almost felt like the change again, with the way fire was ripping through my throat from the pit of my stomach. He was so warm. I could taste him in the air, like catching snowflakes on my tongue. I opened my mouth and let the sweetness wet my tongue and burn through my thirst.

None of it compared to the roaring relief in my chest. In that regard, it was exactly like the change. The searing stab from venom surging through the heart in those last moments of the change, the pain excruciating, then, all at once, the second his arms came to wrap around me, it stopped.

Esme came to hug me but it ended up clumsy and awkward because I wasn't letting go of him any time soon. Finally, I was home.

The rapid thump of his heart was familiar. I couldn't muster the energy to guess why he was hugging me back, but I wasn't going to argue against his embrace. I turned my head to press my cheek to his chest, looking up at Esme. Her eyes were a soft, sweet gold. I wondered when they'd gotten here. Or how.

"Oh, Bella!" she gasped.

"Jasper, it's good to see you again," Carlisle said, shaking his hand. Jasper murmured an agreement, and quietly greeted Emmett and Rose.

"Looks like you're trying out the lifestyle, huh?" Em said, softly punching him on the shoulder. Jasper seemed to shrug, and they kept making small talk. Or maybe the conversation actually was important. But their words faded with the wind, turning to ice and drifting with the snow that was falling in soft motes.

Everything was Edward. I closed my eyes, letting his scent and warmth consume me. His heart was pacing quickly but steadily, and I fell into it. I matched my breaths to his, his chest rose into my cheek then fell again.

He felt different. What could have changed in a couple of weeks? He had gained a little weight, and maybe also muscle? No matter how much I wanted to look at him and survey every single hair and freckle I had missed, I didn't want to pull away. Once I let him go, that would be it. He told me he wanted space away from me, and here I was, suctioning myself to his side. As long as he wasn't pushing me away, I wouldn't let go.

There was a chirp from a phone, then Carlisle said, "The clouds are thinning. The sun will be fully out soon."

"Shall we?" Jasper said, unlatching one of the cars. A low, tight grow rumbled through my chest. I knew Edward could feel it because his hands faltered in the circular pattern he was rubbing on my back.

"Bella, please," Esme begged, touching my arm lightly, like she was hesitant to even approach me. "We just need to get out of the public eye. You can ride together, I promise."

It was awkward and clumsy climbing into the backseat while still wrapped around him. I was here until he sent me away again.

True to words, the sun began to shine a couple of miles down the road, shimmering on the snowbanks. The tint on the windows was adequately dark, but there were no people around anyways. Just the cold ocean on one side and white hills on the other. But the centre of it all was still Edward.

Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward

His name was a litany. I could write a million poems, recite thousands of sonnets from Shakespeare to Keats. I could build statues, start a religion, worship at his feet. But nothing would come close to the mammoth of encompassing emotions. Everything in the entire world could fade to greyscale, but his eyes would remain a vivid verdant, his hair stayed luminescent and his cheeks rosy.

I peaked up at him through my lashes, careful to keep my head still on his chest. He was looking ahead through the front windshield, where the icy road surged forward into the distance. My eyes wouldn't focus long enough to see very far, so I couldn't tell where we were going. But this was safe. Carlisle was driving with Esme in the front seat, their hands clasped between them. Rose and Em were in the car behind us, surprisingly accompanied by Jasper. In another time, I might have been uncomfortable with him around Edward, especially considering his state of thirst. But not anymore.

I studied his face, searing it into my memory. There was a patch of light copper hair under his chin, so short I doubted he had even noticed it yet. The smattering of pimples on his cheeks were gone, leaving behind fading pink scars. The shape of his face was fuller. He looked tired, but healthy. Alive. Corporeal. Not a product of my crazed delusions, but a real living person, my person.

I barely noticed as the slick road ended, tires crunching over gravel. We curved back towards the water and up to a modest red-brick home with a thatched roof, nestled at the edge of the cliffs. Smoke billowed through the chimney, and a record skipped on a scratch as Etta James crooned.

Rose pulled beside us and parked. Esme opened the door for me and slid me towards her, pulling me out of the car with Edward still attached to me.

"Let's get you inside so Edward can warm up a bit, okay?" she offered. I nodded and fell in step beside him. The house was almost hot inside, sparsely decorated with a table, some books and music, and a black fabric couch in front of the fireplace that looked like it was brand new.

Carlisle and Esme were speaking quickly to Jasper. Maybe once, I could have eavesdropped, but I couldn't hear anything over the sound of his breath, his heart. It was thumping in my head, a pulsating beat that drowned everything else out.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked. Was he talking to me? I had forgotten who I was once before. Had to remind myself that I am Bella. "Bella?" he said again.

I hummed in recognition that he was, in fact, talking to me.

"Can I take a look at you, Bella?" he asked.

"You can't see from there?"

"It's too warm in here, dear. Edward needs to be able to take off his coat or he'll overheat," Esme said.

I looked up at him. He wasn't looking at me again, instead staring over at Esme. But his cheeks were flushed, and his body felt warmer in the few minutes we had been inside.

"So I have to let go?" I asked. My voice sounded small and reedy, even to me. My fingers tightened automatically, clutching the fabric on his back and tearing through it accidentally.

"Let me help," Jasper said quietly, suddenly at our side. I felt a little calmer for some reason, my body felt tired instead of tight and sore. He carefully pried my clenched fingers open and my arms dropped to my side. Esme ushered Edward back to the front door and helped him out of his coat, and he toed off his snow boots to kick with the rest of the winter clothing.

I watched him. I was right, he was different. Almost an inch taller, shoulders fuller. His hair was much shorter, cropped close to his ears so it had lost some of its curl.

"Oh God," Carlisle whispered. I glanced over at him, where he was standing beside the fireplace, hands in his pocket and mouth hanging open in shock. I looked around, wondering what had happened to elicit such surprise.

"What the fuck," Rose hissed. I looked back around. Edward was okay. Yes, he was fine, still standing in the foyer with Esme's arm wrapped around his shoulders. Heart rate and temperature were normal, his blood smelled more than fine- nectar devine, pulsing hot and full of life. My throat was the coals to the fire of thirst.

"You said that she would be fine. You all said that she would be safe and come home to us. Is that even Bella anymore?" Rose yelled. I couldn't tell who she was talking to, but she was at Carlisle's side in a flash and punched at his shoulder so that he stumbled back, closer to the fire. He didn't defend himself, didn't put up a hand to deflect her fist. Her eyes were dark, her expression twisted in rage and she continued to push him back. "What the fuck is this. Explain yourself, Carlisle. What the fuck is going on because I've never seen anything like this. I've never even heard of anything like this."

"What's going on?" I asked. They weren't listening to me. Did I speak out loud, or did I only think it? I looked up at Jasper. His hand was cupping my elbow, and I realised I was leaning on him and he was supporting a good deal of my weight. And Edward was somehow at my side again, though I hadn't heard his steps. He draped an arm around my shoulder, but my body felt too heavy to move no matter how much I wanted to hold him, to climb inside of him and finally be home. I was anchored down and frozen in place.

"Are you even listening? Can she hear anything? Can you hear anything?"

I realised Rose must be talking to me. She was standing a few feet from me now, Carlisle behind her with his back to the wall and his eyes cast down.

"She can hear," Jasper said.

"And who the fuck are you to answer for her then, huh? We meet you once ripping newborns apart in Seattle and then you show up in Ireland, in our plane somehow, with my sister looking like she's at death's door. Who do you think you are, Orpheus? In case you haven't noticed, she's taken, okay? So why don't you go ahead and explain yourself, since you're speaking for her anyways."

Rose was spitting fire, venom laced with every word. She looked like some crazed goddess, her golden hair a halo set ablaze in the soft morning light and her full red lips pulled over her teeth in a vicious growl. I hadn't seen her like this since she was a newborn, but at least she wasn't throwing things or destroying the house. Yet.

"Why is everyone so mad?" I asked hoarsely.

"What?" Rose shrieked, clearly gearing up for another ranting soliloquy when Emmett finally appeared from his corner and pulled her back into him.

"You're looking pretty rough, Bells. She's just… upset."

I felt pretty rough. I was surprised it showed so prominently. Even when we were trapped on that ship crossing the Atlantic and stir crazy with thirst, I thought we still looked presentable. The sailors never suspected us of being anything other a tad eccentric and perhaps some tired-looking insomniacs, and I didn't think either of us looked particularly worse for the wear. And that was with weeks of abstaining. I couldn't have been gone for much longer than that.

Rose screamed in frustration, stomping her foot like a child and leaving a small crack in the wood. She stormed into another room- I wasn't entirely sure of the layout of this house yet, nor who it even belonged to- and returned with her favourite Hermes purse in hand. She ripped it open, the leather tearing, and pulled out a makeup compact. She flipped it open and shoved it in my face.

Pale cream foundation speckled the mirror. A creature from a horror film stared at me from inside the glass. Eyes sunken and dark as pitch, black bruising stretching from the apples of her cheeks up to her brows and across the nose. Her face looked hollow, her hair hung limp. She looked like a corpse that had been rotting for months and was reanimated- the bride the monster begged Frankenstein for.

"That's you, Bella."

My hand raised of its own accord, struggling against the weight that was pulling me down. I touched my cheek. So did the creature that was staring at me.

"How?" I continued to study my own face, the sharp planes that had somehow altered so much when we were supposed to be unchangeable, frozen in time and perfectly preserved as we were at the change.

"I think we should probably get her fed before we start an interrogation," Carlisle said, finally moving from the wall. It was unlike him to be so quiet, to remain in the periphery and not reign in Rose's rage when she was shaking and out of control. But I wished he stayed silent, because I couldn't hunt. I couldn't move. Everything felt exhausting, and I could only imagine what it would be like to not have him with me again. I couldn't part from him.

Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward

"He's not going anywhere. I promise he'll be right here. We all will," Esme said.

I must have been speaking out loud this time. Funny how that happens. I keep trying to speak with no words coming out, and then my silent prayer bubbles from my lips by its own volition, demanding to be heard.

Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward

"She's babbling," Emmett said.

"Because she's lost her goddamn mind!" Rose cried, throwing her purse across the room to crash into a lamp. It smashed into the wall and the glass shattered.

"Imagine how you would feel if you hadn't fed in four months," Jasper said.

"That's not possible," Carlisle said.

"The fuck? What is he talking about, Bella? Speak for yourself dammit."

"How could they have not allowed her to hunt?" Carlisle questioned, pacing now. He seemed to be speaking more to himself than anyone else. "That doesn't seem right. Aro never minded when we went to hunt, even though he always sent us with an escort. And Bella was there before me and never seemed to have any problems on her own, either."

"Bella, please, let's go," Esme said, her hand extended in an offering.

"No," I cried, digging my fingers as much as I dared into Edward's side. His muscle flexed under my touch, just like it always had.

"If… If sh-she doesn't want to…" Edward said, his hold around me tightening so I was pulled into his body. Jasper released me to him, and I fell into Edward completely again. I wondered if he could feel the pull of the bond that tied me to him so permanently. I wondered if it would be enough for him. I wondered if I could be enough for him.

"You don't understand, Edward." Carlisle was shaking his head, but I closed my eyes, trying to ignore him. One of my hands trailed up to the part of Edward's back where his shoulder blades met, and I could feel the deep groove of muscle flex under my touch. I wondered if I could actually crawl inside of him, we become one person and one soul entwined together.

"I can sympathise," Edward said sharply, and I was tempted to pull away from him to be able to look up and know his expression. I had never heard Edward speak like that to Carlisle. I had never heard him be short or lose his patience with anyone other than me or Alice, and usually under a circumstance less benign than Carlisle's commentary. Like the time he sent me away because he didn't want me anymore.

"It's not the same for us. Bella, when exactly was the last time you fed?"

I could barely find the words now. Vocabulary was fading quickly, and I was becoming more tired. I just wanted to lay down. I bet there was a bed somewhere. "Just before I got there."

"Four months? Oh, I'm gonna kill those motherfuckers," Rose went off again, spewing something about ripping limbs and fires. I didn't doubt her dedication.

I nodded my head as if I was listening, but I wasn't paying any attention. My hands found their way to the hem of Edward's shirt, and I played with the fabric until it frayed giving me the excuse to dip my hands under.

He gasped at the same time I did. The skin at the small of his back was so warm and softand I could feel every dip and curve of his body under the tops of my fingers. I knew my hands were too cold, that's why his skin pebbled and hair stood on its ends, but I couldn't find it in myself to pull away.

Jasper groaned, and everyone else was still arguing over Rose's furious shouts.

"It's grotesque!"

"How could anyone expect someone to survive that duration without hunting!"

"I've never heard of anything like this before."

Wait. It was just processing. Four months? That couldn't be possible. I agreed with Carlisle and Rose- I had never heard of anything like that before. I thought I had met my limit when Carlisle and I grinded it out for six weeks. Normally, I was uncomfortable with thirst by two weeks, and pushing it by three. The time they were suggesting was obscene. Impossible.

"Four months?" I questioned.

A hush fell over the room, all quiet for the first time since we got here.

"Bella, do you know what day it is?" Esme asked.

I pursed my lips and gave it a thought. I had been trying to figure out the date since we left Volterra and landed on mid-October, so that was what I went with.

"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve," Emmett said.

"I can't fucking believe this. She's… she's decomposing. She doesn't even know what day it is. Have you ever heard of a vampire who can't keep perfect track of time? Who's forgotten anything?"

"She needs to hunt."

"She can barely walk," Jasper said. "I had to carry her to the airport."

I half-growled at him, but the energy slipped away again. I wasn't in pain anymore, but I wasn't sure this oppressive lethargy was much better. At least in Volterra, I had my wits about me, even if I was crumbled on the floor writing in pain. The separation from Edward had rivalled the thirst, though, so with that at least partially alleviated with his presence if not his reciprocated love.

"So then we bring it here?"

"Not with Edward here we can't."

"Just Carlisle, then? The rest of us clear out?"

"What if he needs backup?"

"She can't even stand up straight, you think Carlisle can't take her?"

"He can be a little wimpy."

"I prefer compassionate, but I can handle it, thank you."

"The question is… what blood?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you really think the animal stuff is gonna cut it?"

The thought of it made me feel queasy. I knew all blood well. Wolf, bear, jaguar- it was all the same. Earthy and as unappetising as eating dirt. I decided not to care about their conversation anymore. If I could only focus on one thing at a time, I could make it Edward. Their arguing and planning faded to the beat of his heart, the bitter venom of thirst gave way to his sweet scent.

But then my name was called again, over and over before I ended up ripped away from Edward, his body torn from my side as if my heart was torn from my chest. I cried, venom stinging at my eyes as Jasper dragged me out the door to the front of the house. Someone was calling my name again. There was someone else crying- Esme, or Emmett- but I couldn't listen over my own sobbing.

I collapsed in the snow. My clothes were truly ruined now- Alice, wherever she was, would surely be disappointed.

Through it all, I heard Edward.

"Are you s-sure this will even w-work?" he asked.

"It has to," Rose said.

"Carlisle, I went for a run earlier and there are red deer and a few foxes just south of here."

"If you need help, I might be able to manage it. Just give me a call."

There were footsteps and silence except for Edward's pounding heart and shallow breathing, but it was too far away.

And suddenly it was back. The fire was alight in my throat again, a blazing hot iron shoved down to my hollow stomach. My chest was cracked open, ribs torn apart so my organs spilled out in the snow. My heart was clenched with the pain and contracted against the force. I turned on my side and buried my head in the snow, trying to find relief in the cold but none came.

I screamed.

There was a new scent in the air, something gamey and repulsive. A hand on my shoulder turned me over, face to the light grey sky instead of the snow. Carlisle stood over me. His eyes were a dark gold, his mouth turned down in a deep, concerned frown. Pale blond hair hung in his face, too long to stay in place. His hand was on my face, my lips. Then he was lifting something.

Flesh was on my lips. Coarse fur, then hot, wet blood pulsing out freely. It coated my mouth, running down my throat rapidly. I opened my mouth further, instinct driving me to swallow greedily and lean into the source.

A wave hit me. My stomach turned, seizing. The nausea was violent, as was the expulsion of the blood from my body. It was all I could do to turn back on my side as I vomited. And it didn't stop. All I could taste was venom, I was dry heaving into the bloody snow.

Carlisle's hands were in my hair, gently rubbing as if anything could provide any comfort.

I think I screamed again. That fire was blazing anew, as if I had doused my organs in propane and dropped a match. This was worse than the change- something I never thought was possible. My stomach clenched again and venom began dripping out of my mouth, sweet and bitter all at once.

"I wonder if we need to try human blood," he wondered aloud.

"No!" I cried. Edward was inside, not far away at all. I was sure if I had my faculties about me, I would have been able to still hear the beat of his heart.I couldn't bear for him to see me with those red eyes- he would never forgive me, never see me the same way again. The mark of the devil imprinted in his memory… especially if this was where he decided to part ways with me permanently.

Carlisle sighed. His face was a blur in front of me, his features blending together as venom stung at my eyes. "I don't know if we have a choice if you can't keep this down."

"Again," I begged. I needed to try again. I couldn't drink human blood. I would rather starve.

Carlisle sighed but heaved another body towards me, holding it above my head. This time, I propped myself up towards him and sliced into it with my teeth. My lips curled around the flesh and gravity did the rest. This time, I tried to control myself. Slowly. I swallowed once, then let the blood fill my mouth before swallowing again.

It was slightly salty, but more manageable now. In the very least my body wasn't rejecting it as I swallowed slowly, fully in control of the pace. The blood trickled instead of spurted, and suddenly it ended.

"More," I rasped, and another appeared on my lips. That bitter earthiness was gone now, the harsh burn from my own venom was waning. The taste was divine. Manna from heaven, the luscious nectar of the gods. I let it pour down my throat instead of stopping the flow, and still I felt no satiation.

The frenzy was starting to cloud my thoughts. I needed more. I needed to consume it all. The thirst was still searing, but my body felt warm even in the snow. There was another animal, then another and another until finally the soreness began to dissipate and I felt some sense of normalcy restoring itself.

I could hear again, truly hear. Along with the sound of me sitting up and clawing into the corpse of another deer, I could hear ants trampling through their tunnels beneath the snow, flurries of flakes brushing against each other in the wind, swirls of cold waves washing against cliffs.

I could hear a heartbeat. Human. Pulsing, wet, hot. Blood continued to flood my mouth and fill my stomach, but it wasn't enough when I could finally run, move my legs and hunt. To finally hunt again. Not this bizarre feeding where Carlisle brought already killed animals to me like some helpless baby bird, but to truly track my prey, to feel their rapid pulse when they realise their fate, their panic and then the gush of sweet adrenaline coat my tongue.

"No!" A shout, then palms slamming onto my shoulders. I was being held down, trapped. A growl ripped through me, and I pushed against the force.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I thought we were far enough away. You need to get a hold of yourself."

The voice was begging. It could wait. I was dying for a taste, at last. Blood surrounded me, coating my hands, smeared across my mouth and staining my clothes. It was in my skin, consuming all smells and tastes, but something better lay ahead.

"Please, Bella, please. Control yourself! That's Edward in there."

Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward

Oh. Yes. The boy with the sweet stutter and soft skin, the crooked smile and sharp wit. My boy.

It was coming back. My memory was only slightly foggy, but it seemed fully attached to reality. I remembered the first time he gave me flowers, freshly picked and blooming and now preserved and pressed in my room at home. The first time we kissed and how soft his lips felt, and the salty taste of his tears. I remember telling him I love him, and then telling him again and again and how it would never be enough. I remember the first time he touched me, really touched me, and how I fell apart in his arms. Lounging in the meadow reading Jane Austen, sunbathing next to the river after a cold swim in the summer, running through the dark forest with rain and wind tangling our hair, staring up at the stars with our hands entwined.

"Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward Edward," I whispered.

"Yes, there we go. That's Edward inside, and I know you don't want to hurt him, so you need to take a deep breath and make sure you can control yourself."

It was Carlisle speaking to me. I was staring right into his face above me, his hands on my shoulders pinning me down. I realised I was still struggling to break free of his hold, and immediately followed his advice and took a deep breath.

Blood obstructed all else, but it was animal blood, and congealed and clotting from drained and discarded carcasses. None of it was particularly appealing, and the thirst was only a nagging sensation now, almost manageable to ignore. I looked around at the dozen bodies that littered the snow around us. How was I still thirsty? How was I not bursting with fullness and my stomach not sloshing uncomfortably?

The tension drained away and my body relaxed. Carlisle released me and stood, pulling me up with him. I felt the freshly consumed blood rush through me and my balance wavered slightly. "Woah."

Carlisle offered an arm and I took it gratefully. "I have a theory that some of these symptoms might last until you can feed enough to compensate for time lost."

I could only imagine the depletion of wildlife in Ireland if that was the case. It wouldn't be able to sustain me alone, much less the rest of us. I wondered what happened, what the plan moving forward was, but I didn't know if it was my place to even ask after all I had put them through.

"I don't feel good," I said smally. Everything felt sore, and I could only imagine what I looked like. How was I supposed to go back inside, face my family looking as I did after I fell apart in front of them? I couldn't even look at Carlisle. I wanted to just bury myself in the snow with the bodies he was digging graves for in the frozen ground.