The Nightingale

Chapter 41: Possibilities

Summer — x492 / September 3

Kirasam was the Walled City of the north of the kingdom, a huge city and the main trading port, after the port of the Capital.

Cities generally had as many Gates as they deemed necessary, but Kirasam only had four Great Gateways. The North or Desert Gate, the South or Grove Gate, the East or Land Gate, and the West or Sea Gate.

Rukia, who was standing on the wall of the Sea Gate, could see the commercial ships anchored next to the wooden piers, and in the distance she could see ships that were navigating the deepest waters and that looked like little dots moving slowly on the horizon; those ships belonged to Kirasam's naval fleet.

Kirasam had the most powerful fleet in the kingdom, it was that fleet with which they conquered Maranni from the coast. At such times, Kirasam's naval fleet watched the seas for pirates, because they were a constant source of trouble and the main reason Kirasam had such large walls.

Ichigo met with Lord Stark on the Sea Gate wall, talking about the place, what the wall had endured, and about the fleet's exceptional work in repelling pirates who were trying to loot the ships. Avanta had trade agreements with the kingdoms beyond the Red Desert and with the Sunset Lands, and the great merchant ships that arrived at Kirasam's seaports had to be protected in pursuit of good trade agreements.

Rukia was listening to Ichigo and Lord Stark talking in the distance; she listened to them talk about everything while she saw the pier through the spaces left by the battlements. She was holding an umbrella with one hand and a fan with the other; the weather was hotter in Kirasam than in Zhilen, even though Kirasam was on the coast, and the breeze that came from the sea was hot and dried her lips, her mouth and her skin.

Rukia wanted to go back to the inn or at least be in a cool shade, but she had insisted on going on that tour over the walls with Ichigo; she must wait for him to finish work, or at least finish the tour of the wall of the Sea Gate.

In Zhilen, Ichigo had been in charge of checking the militia, the city walls and giving some opinions on matters that were on the table; he had to do the same in Kirasam because it was part of his job. Rukia's work was of a social nature, visiting widows, orphans, and schools.

Visiting the temple of the Deities was first on the agenda after making the initial visit to the Lords who ruled the cities.

Carrying out these activities in Zhilen had served her as practice, and when she got to Kirasam she was not so nervous and felt that she could work more easily.

Rukia knew that it was all a game of appearances, so she changed the expression of innocence and happiness that she had used on Zhilen a bit to a more serious expression, but without losing her smile. Ichigo had told her to practice, and she did; her new mask suited her better and she felt more comfortable that way.

Rukia had made sure not to make promises that she could not keep to the lords' wives, she assured them that she would comment on it to the queen and even wrote it down in a notebook that she kept especially for that, but she never gave a forceful answer.

Ichigo had warned her that innocence attracts danger, and that people used to take advantage of innocence. Under that mask of innocence, Rukia was learning to identify looks, gestures, and words.

Spending the day with the lords' wives was tiring, not as tiring as walking in the sun on one of the walls, but it was tiring for Rukia; although she liked the way they looked at her and respected her, as if they wanted to be her, and as if she was someone truly superior.

Rukia was married to the son of a queen; a queen who was the princess of a rather powerful kingdom, and although Ichigo was not the heir to the crown, his birth status was what made him so respected and possibly feared.

Still, his status wasn't high enough for him to make a coup just because he was the son of a queen; the king was powerful and had put much of his power into Kaien. There were 13 cities and 13 great lords that he had to convince, and everyone was happy with what they had at the time.

A coup would only be possible if there was discontent in the people.

The weather was getting hotter and hotter, and Rukia was starting to get dizzy. It was not the first time it had happened to her, since she arrived in Kirasam the heat was affecting her too much, but that dizziness felt stronger and she doubted she could hide it from Ichigo. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall with one hand that held the fan, waiting for the dizziness to pass and took a deep breath. Falling on the floor, due to something very small like dizziness, could alarm everyone.

— Rukia! — Ichigo's voice made her open her eyes, meeting his worried expression and feeling one of his hands on her shoulders, holding her. Rukia hadn't realized that her umbrella was no longer in her hand, but on the floor. — What's wrong? Are you okay?

Rukia tried to nod in response, but the movement made her feel the dizziness return and she clung a little tighter to the wall. That was embarrassing for her.

— Just give me a second, it's the heat. — Rukia assured, trying not to worry Ichigo, who kept holding her so she wouldn't fall to the ground. She just hoped Ichigo didn't question her at that point.

— The princess must not be used to the heat of the north, we better go down. — Rukia heard Lord Stark's voice but didn't feel able to speak; she only felt her cheeks burn from the shame of that moment. She was drawing too much attention.

— Yes, that must be it, Lord Stark. — Ichigo spoke while still looking into her eyes. Rukia sensed that he would ask her many questions when they were alone; all because of the stupid heat.

The dizziness passed a few seconds after Lord Stark spoke, although Rukia was left with that strange feeling of confusion after that dizziness. If the queen found out about this embarrassing moment, she might have a few words to say about it.

— Do you want us to go back to the inn? — Ichigo asked discreetly as they walked down the stairs of the wall.

Ichigo had offered his arm for her to hold onto, and Rukia was holding onto it tighter than normal; she still had that strange feeling after the dizziness that made her fear falling if she walked too fast.

— Do we have anything else to do? I'm hungry. — Rukia replied with a nervous smile. She had had a good breakfast, it was impossible for her to be hungry.

— We have an invitation to lunch with Lord Stark and his family, we were talking about it a few moments ago. I can put it off until tomorrow and find a doctor to check you out if you don't feel good. — Ichigo suggested.

Rukia could see how worried he was for her, even to the point of neglecting a meeting with Lord Stark, just because she had had a stupid heat stroke. Rukia shook her head and assured Ichigo that she was fine, that it was just the hunger and the heat.

— The kingdom before life. — Rukia muttered, and Ichigo just made an annoyed gesture.

Rukia knew it was the king's phrase: always the kingdom before life.

Lord Stark's house was far from the harbor, closer to the Grove Gate than the Land Gate. Fortunately Rukia felt better, the dizziness had not returned but hunger and thirst were still present, so when they arrived at Lord Stark's house and offered her water, she did not hesitate to drink it and ask for more; that might have been the best water she had drunk on the entire trip.

They talked about trivial things before and during lunch, and at one point before the after-meal was over, their heat-stroke dizziness was mentioned. Lady Stark insisted that she should be checked by a doctor and not attend the missing tour of the walls, Ichigo agreed with Lady Stark and Rukia, although she wanted to convince him, she could not. Ichigo was worried about her and the idea of her getting checked out by Lady Stark's doctor didn't seem so bad to him.

— You need to get checked out by the doctor. How come you haven't told me you felt sick since we arrived? If I had known before, I would have already sought a doctor to examine you. — Ichigo was upset and worried, but spoke in a tone that was a whisper only to her; it was part of the protocol and Rukia was grateful that they were both in a garden away from the hosts.

— It was just a silly dizziness, it's from the heat; I'm fine. — Rukia didn't want the doctor to check her, she just wanted to go back to the inn.

— Rukia, don't you understand that if something happens to you, bad things could happen? — Ichigo took her hands almost desperately. Rukia could see the despair and concern in Ichigo's gaze. That expression on him made her feel like her heart was being squeezed.

After that talk, Ichigo postponed the tour of the walls until the next day. Rukia didn't know whether to feel flattered that Ichigo put her above his duties as a commander or to blush with embarrassment at having made Ichigo interrupt his work due to dizziness; but she was grateful that Lord Stark didn't seem upset about it.

The doctor arrived a few moments later, she was an older woman with gray hair. She was accompanied by a younger woman and Tier made the introductions before the doctor asked for a room so she could check on Rukia in private.

Rukia said goodbye to Ichigo with a smile and followed the doctor; she would have liked to refuse again, but to show a weakness in front of Lord Stark and his wife, was to have exposed too much already.

The review was slow, the doctor asked questions of all kinds and Rukia was more and more anxious because the doctor did not finish that stupid review, she only asked questions and questions and questions; it had just been a silly heat stroke and she was already feeling better.

— Let me check your stomach, Your Highness; sometimes, on long trips, the stomach tends to get sick from undercooked food.

The doctor added and Rukia, hoping that the round of questions had already finished, lay down on the bed and uncovered her stomach so that the woman, who was smearing her own hands with a white and herbal-scented cream, would check her.

That check-up was just as invasive as when the queen's doctor checked them, and Rukia had to close her eyes when the doctor pressed between her ribs to check her abdomen; Rukia imagined herself as a ball of dough being kneaded.

The doctor also checked Rukia's belly, pressing lightly in the center and to the sides with her fingertips, and then wiped her hands allowing Rukia to adjust her clothes herself.

— When was the last time you had your period, Your Highness? — The doctor asked calmly.

Rukia just looked at the doctor without fully understanding that question, but began to remember the last time her period had come. She had her period during the events of the Great House, but since then she has not had it again; she tried to remember if in the months following the events of the Great House she had bled, but there was no event that she could relate it to.

She never wrote down when she had her period, and since the queen had made her drink that tea, the time she went to the beach with Ichigo for the first time, her period was late or early a few days. She hadn't taken it seriously enough, and with everything that had happened since the events of the Great House, she had more important things on her mind than her period.

At that point, her period became really important.

Rukia's eyes widened in surprise and fear, one she hadn't believed could be felt, the moment her mind threw out an overly violent response. That couldn't happen because she was drinking the tea.

It was why she drank that tea.

— A little over two months. — She responded by trying to modulate the fear she felt at that moment.

— I see… — The doctor murmured, noting something on a sheet of a notebook that she was holding. — And when did you start getting intimate with the prince?

Rukia didn't know whether to be embarrassed by that question or to let panic completely wash over her. That couldn't be happening to her, not right now.

—

Rukia's attitude was so suspicious that the inevitable certainty that something was going on, and that "something" was not "something good", invaded him all the way back to the inn where they were staying.

Rukia had been overly smiling and upbeat when she came out of the doctor's check-up, claiming that she felt fine and it was just dizziness from the heat, but when they entered the carriage she immediately changed her attitude to one more serious and thoughtful.

Ichigo knew that Rukia used to plunge into her own mind when she thought about something, and even though he understood it, it was exasperating for him at the time; Rukia was quieter and calmer than usual, and he didn't like that.

— Well, I can't take it anymore. What's going on, Rukia? — Ichigo asked when they were both inside their room. Rukia stood in the middle of the room, not responding and turning her back on him.

She was playing with her hands, even though Ichigo wasn't looking at her face, he knew the movement Rukia used to make with her hands and shoulders when she was nervous. Ichigo waited a moment before approaching her, but as soon as he took a few steps, Rukia turned on her heel to see him; Ichigo froze in his place as he saw the concern on Rukia's face.

It was exasperating to see her like this.

— By the Deities, Rukia! Tell me what's going on. — He approached her, trying to take her hands so that she would stop playing with them, but Rukia took a step back; that movement puzzled him. He didn't want to think that Rukia was running away from him, as if she was afraid of him. — Rukia?

— Promise that you will not be angry. — Rukia was playing with her hands. Ichigo could see the fear and despair on Rukia's face, in the way she played with her hands and the way her chest rose and fell, breathing deeply, as if she was trying to calm herself.

That phrase never meant a good thing. Ichigo tried to get closer to Rukia but she took a step away, again.

— Promise it! — Rukia insisted. Ichigo felt a chill down his back, it must be something very serious if Rukia acted that way. — I will not let you come near me, until you promise that you will not be angry.

— I promise I'm not going to get mad, but tell me what's happening to you. — Ichigo said a few moments after thinking carefully about what Rukia had told him. He didn't like Rukia getting away from him, he didn't like feeling that distance because it was as if Rukia had suddenly realized that he was really dangerous.

Rukia didn't approach him but neither did she move away when he took a step closer to her. He was waiting for her to speak, her silence was torturing him and all he wanted was to get close to Rukia to hug her, but he was afraid that she would move away from him if he tried to get closer.

He didn't like feeling rejected by Rukia, it was the worst feeling in the world.

— The doctor thinks I may be pregnant. — Rukia did not hesitate to say that. Ichigo never expected to hear that phrase, not at that moment at least.

Ichigo fell silent, looking Rukia in the eye before directing his gaze to her belly. That couldn't be true, and yet Rukia's words rang out so loudly in his mind that they shook the world beneath his feet.

— What? — Ichigo wanted to get closer but this time his legs weren't moving; he was too shocked to move. There had to be a mistake in the doctor's words, Rukia couldn't be pregnant. — Does the doctor think you are pregnant? Rukia, don't play with it; it's not funny.

— It's not funny? But it is hilarious! Look how I'm laughing! Ha, ha! — Rukia's nerves turned to anger and sarcasm, and she pointed to her own face as she made that fake laugh. — I'm clearly not kidding about this!

Ichigo passed both hands over his face, in a gesture of helplessness and despair; he was upset and shocked in equal measure. Rukia couldn't be pregnant. Thinking about a pregnancy was something that hadn't even been up for discussion because they both knew the consequences they would have to face. That couldn't be happening.

— That's what you were supposed to drink that tea for! It's not like this? How can you tell me that you think you are pregnant! — Ichigo started pacing from one side of the room to the other, trying to understand the dimension of those words. Those words couldn't be true. — How the hell did this happen?

— I can tell you exactly how the hell it happened! Remember that children do not make themselves! — Rukia yelled at him causing Ichigo to stop walking. Rukia was upset, maybe she was more scared than he was at that moment, but anger was the only thing that at that moment emanated from Rukia's voice.

Ichigo couldn't help but think that a pregnancy, at that moment, was the worst thing that could happen to them. They were either going to kill them both or they would take care of making Rukia lose the baby before the pregnancy could even be noticed. Even if it was known that there was a son of his, the separation of the kingdom would begin, sides would form and at that moment Kaien still had every chance of winning.

The king was not going to allow a civil war; the king would do anything to prevent it.

— The doctor is wrong. — Ichigo muttered after a while of silence. Pregnancy was not easy news to digest, especially when it meant a lot of trouble; that's why no one should have known. Never.

— What do you mean? — Rukia asked confused approaching him. Ichigo looked up meeting Rukia's questioning gaze at that sentence.

Ichigo was trying to calm himself down, he was breathing as deeply as he could because he was starting to feel the magic fluttering between his fingers like they were butterflies; he had to get out of there, the ankh was dangerous if he did not control his emotions, and at that moment his emotions were overflowing.

— You are not pregnant. It is impossible that you are, the doctor was wrong. — Ichigo assured walking away from Rukia and heading for the door to leave the room. — I'm going to talk to the doctor.

It was impossible for him to be sure if Rukia was pregnant or not, he just hoped she wasn't because he didn't want to think what they would have to do if she was really pregnant; even so, the idea of Rukia pregnant had settled in his mind with force, as well as all the possible futures that formed in his mind in a second.

Rukia called to him to stop him from leaving, but he simply left the room with the sole objective of controlling the magic that was fighting to be released.

No one could know that Rukia was pregnant. He would talk to that doctor, buy her silence or kill her, he did not really care about the fate of that doctor, he only cared that she did not disclose that Rukia was possibly pregnant or everything would go to hell.

—

Rukia was sitting on a chair, her arms resting on the table, waiting for Ichigo to return. She kept thinking about that discussion, about the way he had reacted, first the anger and then the denial; she too had reacted in a similar way when the doctor assured her that it was very likely that she was pregnant.

That doctor had explained to her that sometimes the tea did not work as it should, she had explained that, given the number of times she had been with Ichigo, it was very likely that she had become pregnant in a short time. Rukia put her hands to her head and closed her eyes really wishing she wasn't pregnant.

— It's too early to say for sure, but for a healthy young woman like you, it's easier to get pregnant; sometimes an oversight is enough. — The doctor had said.

An oversight, so the doctor had called it; for Rukia, more than an oversight, it was a miscalculation.

She didn't want to be pregnant, she didn't even want to be a mother; at least not so soon. Rukia didn't know what to do and every time she thought of that pregnancy as a possibility, the memory of her father's words about Emiko's death came to her mind. Rukia didn't want to die and she didn't want Ichigo to die.

The maid entered the room with a tray in her hands to take the plates with the dinner that was still intact, Rukia was not hungry, the stress of that day had taken away her appetite; even so, the maid left a cup of mint tea poured for her.

— Has the prince returned yet? — Rukia asked, nervous and worried about Ichigo, who hadn't come back yet and it was really late.

— The prince has not returned yet, Your Highness. — The maiden confirmed and Rukia felt desperate.

She would hit Ichigo when she saw him walk through the door, just for making her worry about him like that. Rukia was also worried that Ichigo might have done something to the doctor, hurt or killed her, just for doing her job.

— Okay, you can go rest. — The maid bowed to Rukia before leaving the room.

Rukia wanted to believe what Ichigo had told her and to think that she was not pregnant, but the doctor's words carried more weight in her mind than Ichigo's denial. Rukia got up from her chair and started pacing the room from one side to the other, thinking about what she should do and how she needed Ichigo to help her make that decision; because the first thing she thought about was drinking the tea so that the possibility of that pregnancy would disappear.

She and Ichigo had everything to lose if she really was pregnant.

Rukia got tired of walking around the room and sat on the bed, kicked off her shoes and stretched her toes; there was no point in continuing to walk in the room, that would not make Ichigo return any faster and going out to look for him was not an option because she did not know the city.

If Ichigo didn't return when the bells of the Deity temple rang for the last time, she would send the soldiers to search for him.

Rukia lay down on the bed and brought her hands to her belly, she didn't feel any change, but the doctor, when she checked her, said that her belly felt different; different enough to suggest pregnancy.

— Please, tell me you're not there. — She whispered and felt her eyes fill with tears. — Because if you are there, they will kill you. Adelaar is a monster who eats everything good; and I'm a monster too.

Rukia didn't know how to deal with all those feelings, again she felt small and helpless, and in that moment when Ichigo was not there, she felt alone and lost. It was just a possibility and it had turned her world upside down from the moment she thought about it. It was fun to be a princess, it was fun to be with Ichigo, but at that moment all she wanted was to cry because she was afraid of the future that she might await.

Everything they had done, everything they had said and everything they were to do, everything was reeling from possibility; Rukia wanted with all her heart that Ichigo's words were true because at that moment she did not want a child.

Rukia let the tears flow, she needed to cry and she needed to think; but most of all, she needed Ichigo with her.

— My princess of Maranni, why are you crying? — Rukia heard Ichigo's voice, and a second later she felt his hand caress her cheeks, wiping away the tears she had shed.

Ichigo was there, Rukia hadn't heard him enter the room, but he was there; sitting on the bed, next to her and looking at her with his eyebrows together in a gesture of deep concern. Rukia sat on the bed, hugged him and started crying again; Ichigo hugged her tightly and stroked her back, letting her cry all that she needed in that moment.

They both remained holding each other until she felt calmer.

A moment later, she broke away from Ichigo's embrace, who was just looking at her with concern; Ichigo wiped her tears away with his thumbs, gently stroking her cheeks. Rukia took Ichigo's arm and noticed that his clothes were stained with blood.

— It's not my blood. — Ichigo quickly replied in a calmer tone than before. — It's not from the doctor either, don't worry. The woman will not say anything about this, no rumors will be made.

— So... this blood... — Rukia asked, trying to deflect the main topic as much as possible; she didn't feel ready to talk yet.

— Your emotions manifest in tears, my love. — Ichigo kissed Rukia's cheek lightly, drinking back one of her tears. — Mine must be calm or bad things happen; the ankh got out of control.

Rukia was immediately concerned upon hearing those words and, despite the fact that Ichigo had assured her that it was not his blood, she began to quickly check him to verify that he was not really hurt. She didn't care who the victim or victims had been, she only cared to know that Ichigo was okay; Rukia knew that with the night the ankh used to get stronger.

— The ring is asleep. — Rukia whispered upon realizing that detail. — The other times I have felt it wake up when you use magic.

— The other times you have felt it because we are relatively close to each other. — Ichigo clarified taking Rukia's hand to kiss where the ring was. — This time I was on the other side of town, further away than we have been before. — Ichigo tucked Rukia's hair behind her ear and took her hands. — Why were you crying, my love?

Ichigo asked that question again and this time Rukia had to answer. She felt nervous about everything that was happening, but having cried had helped her calm down a bit and be able to touch that subject again.

— Because I don't know what we're going to do with this. — Rukia pointed to her belly, she didn't want to say that word again, she was afraid that if she said it, it would become real. — Ichigo, everything we've done won't do any good, if they kill us for having a child.

Rukia didn't want to tell him that she didn't want to have a child, not yet. Ichigo looked at her calmly, and was silent for a few moments, as if he were searching for the right words to answer her questions; Rukia needed him to tell her what to do, because she felt lost.

— A few moments ago I reacted badly, I admit it; I didn't expect you to tell me you were pregnant and I need to apologize for my behavior. — Ichigo spoke taking her hands and kissing them gently. — I know I said I wasn't in a hurry to have children, I know we can't have children yet, but… Rukia, I love you and you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the woman I want to have children with and I want them to look like you.

Rukia hadn't expected that answer and was a bit surprised to hear it because she wanted a family with him, but at that moment she wanted many things that seemed more important to her than having a child.

She wanted to be able to fulfill the promise they made to themselves the night they got married, she wanted to break the agreements of the fall and she wanted her family to be free, but above all else, she wanted Ichigo to be with her always.

Rukia just looked Ichigo in the eye, losing herself in the intensity of that gaze for a second without having the courage to tell him that she didn't want to have a child yet.

— I cannot force you to have or not have this pregnancy, I know that you have goals like me, I know that you are afraid like me. I can only offer you options, my love; for me you will always be above a kingdom or a crown. If you want to have this pregnancy, then nothing else matters. We will leave here if necessary, and I will find a way for us to have the quiet and happy life that you once said you wanted to have. — Rukia was going to say something, but Ichigo stopped her. Those words made her have a lump in her throat. Ichigo held her face gently, stroking one of her cheeks with his thumb while still looking into her eyes. — If you don't want to have this pregnancy, then I won't force you to have it; and we will do what we have to do to meet our goals, my love. We're in this together, my love, through thick and thin.

Rukia felt her eyes fill with tears again. Ichigo could give up everything just for her, if she asked, then he would give it to her; that was how intense the love Ichigo felt for her was. Rukia was afraid to answer, because she didn't feel ready to give up everything.

— Won't you hate me? — Rukia asked, her voice shaking trying to hold back the tears. — Won't you hate me for not wanting to have a child now?

Rukia could feel all the fear vibrate in her words and Ichigo just smiled and gave her a very soft kiss on the lips.

— No my love, I wouldn't hate you. I couldn't do it. — Ichigo looked at her and again kissed her hand, on the engagement ring. — If we are going to do this, we will do it together my love. Whatever it is, we will do it together.

Special regards to jobananasan, Leomae2.0, diah77 and BondOfPerfection. Also thanks to those who keep reading the story.

P.S. Petition for Isshin to choke on a raisin, here XD

Next chapter: Friday