Warning: This chapter might contain sensitive topics for some people. Discretion is suggested. If you feel you need help with a similar issue, please go to the person you trust the most.
The Nightingale
Chapter 47: Green Spider
Autumn — x492 / September 29
It had been almost a month since the king had made Senna the "Queen's Favorite", and the queen was not happy even though she seemed so.
That title was only given to the future wife of the Second Prince and to the king's mistress when the queen was unable to give an heir; being the "Queen's Favorite" meant that the girl would be under the care and protection of the queen.
Nelliel knew why the king had assigned that title to Senna, and the answer was simple. The queen did not tolerate the king's mistresses, and the king was not going to risk the queen killing the daughter of one of the 13 Great Lords of the kingdom.
— It doesn't matter if the Lord of Neikel is under investigation or not, killing his daughter would be a big problem for the queen. — Kaien had said to Nelliel, when he was relating to her what had happened in that office. — The queen will not like it, but she will understand that the king does it for her good.
Nelliel had laughed along with Kaien that time, because in a way, Kaien was right. If the queen killed Senna, she would be in trouble; even if the girl died by "accident", who would be singled out as the culprit would be the queen, and that was not good for the royal family.
Queen Masaki had created a very cruel fame for herself, and now she must live with it.
At family lunches where the king and queen were together, Nelliel could feel the queen's sadistic desire for wanting to kill the king; it was more than anything, a battle of wills between king and queen. Each one seated at the head of the table, facing each other and staring at each other, saying everything just with their eyes; that confrontation used to end when food was served and someone had the courage to speak up.
Nelliel enjoyed those moments where she could feel the tension in the air between the king and the queen.
The king used to have the grace not to take his lover to these lunches, although it was rumored around the castle that the king had only slept with Senna once and had not visited her again; the desire for the girl had passed quickly to the king, because it was also rumored in the castle that the king had gone to visit the queen in her room several times, although he usually did not spend long inside the room.
No one knew what was really going through the king's mind, but whatever the king was up to with Senna, it was no longer Nelliel's business; she had only slightly moved the threads of that web that was woven in the castle to create chaos.
Nelliel wanted to tighten all the threads of that web in such a way that in the end, when everyone tangled in it, only she and Kaien could be the ones who had absolute power. She would get rid of everyone one by one, in the end only the king would remain and when the king died, there would be no one to stand against Kaien and his reign.
Nelliel wanted to be queen, and she would do what she had to do to get it.
She and Kaien were in a marriage of convenience and they both knew it, but it was a good marriage; no one had forced them, and they had a good time together. During the time that she had been in recovery, he had been patient and understanding, because they both wanted the same thing, to have an heir who would secure Kaien's position as the heir to the crown.
Kaien used to give her flowers, the ones that grew in the queen's private garden, and they used to have lunch together several times a week; they slept in the same bed, sometimes in his room, sometimes in her room, but it wasn't every night. Kaien was always busy, the king was delegating more and more responsibilities to him as the heir, and that left him little free time to be together.
Kaien might never love her as she hoped, but as long as they continued to have that complicity that they had until then, Nelliel would be happy. After all, she had managed to marry him.
Upon leaving the doctor's rooms, after that last check-up where the doctor had told her that she could now be with Kaien intimately again, Nelliel met Orihime; her sister-in-law was standing by the door, as if she was waiting for her and that surprised her a bit.
— What's going on? — Nelliel asked looking at Orihime, who seemed very animated. — Do you also come for a medical check-up?
It was the first thing she asked because she couldn't think of another reason why Orihime was there; Ulquiorra had commented that Orihime didn't feel good at times, but that Orihime assured him that she was fine.
— The queen has called us, it seems that she is going to start planning everything for The Night of Souls and we will be part of the preparations. — Orihime replied and showed her a huge smile. That made Nelliel dismiss the idea that Orihime might be sick with something. — And I came for you, because she wants us to go as soon as possible. I was looking for you all over the castle until they told me you were here.
— Oh really? — Nelliel asked and Orihime nodded without losing her smile.
Nelliel nodded and walked with Orihime to the queen's room.
It seemed strange to Nelliel that the queen asked Orihime to be in the preparations for the celebration of the Night of Souls; the ones who must have been there were the princesses, and Orihime, in addition to being Ulquiorra's wife, had been Ichigo's Inamorata.
The only thing that was princess in Orihime, was what Ichigo could have left inside her every time he visited her while they were lovers.
Nelliel smiled as she imagined that the queen was beginning to lose power over the lives of others, because power does not die, it only changes hands, and Nelliel felt that her hands would be the recipients of all that power.
That made her feel very good about herself. That wasn't her war, but Nelliel accepted it when she married Kaien, and she knew it.
In war and in love, anything is fair; even to tighten the threads of that cobweb that was woven in the castle.
Orihime was talking about how excited she was to participate in the Celebrations of Souls, no longer as part of the Queen's Court, but as one of those charged with the realization. Nelliel only listened to the ideas that Orihime was saying, among which was writing to her brother to send some of the chocolate they produced in Eikaran, and entertaining the guests at the dance with desserts.
Eikaran's chocolate was famous and really delicious.
Nelliel had tasted it the day she ate those cookies that Yuki had brought to share with the queen, and she agreed with that idea, so she assured Orihime that she would support her when she brought it up to the queen.
— Rukia's maid makes some amazing cookies with that chocolate. — Orihime spoke with joy. — Last time I was looking for someone who could make chocolate chip cookies and she said she knew how to make them; I don't know where she learned to make them, but they taste amazing. Ulquiorra loves them, but he loves pears in wine more.
Nelliel was about to tell Orihime to give the recipe to her cook, when before turning the corner of one of the corridors to go to the queen's room, she heard the queen's voice. The queen was upset and it was very noticeable by her tone of voice, because even if she wasn't looking at her, Nelliel could imagine the queen's angry expression.
— Wait, the queen is scolding someone. — Nelliel said making Orihime stop before turning the corner.
They both stayed hidden before turning the corner, not being able to see what was really happening, but paying attention to what the queen was saying,
Nelliel discovered that who the queen was scolding was Yuki and that made her smile.
Yuki was the only factor that Nelliel hadn't anticipated. That girl wasn't with Rukia, but she wasn't against her either. Yuki was doing what she considered would be beneficial to herself, such as becoming friends with Kaien, and Nelliel didn't like that at all; especially since the girl was quite similar to Rukia, and Nelliel still suspected that Kaien felt some kind of attraction towards Rukia.
The fact that Kaien had given Yuki a pair of shoes was the cause of a fight between them; Kaien didn't have to give Yuki things as gifts, and that's why Nelliel had an eye on Yuki. The girl was a Kuchiki, but if she got in her way, Nelliel wasn't going to hesitate to get rid of her like she did with Miyako.
— My son. — Nelliel was completely surprised to hear that phrase, she had not imagined that Kaien was there. The queen's tone of voice had turned maternal the moment she spoke to Kaien, but what really upset Nelliel was knowing that Kaien was there, with Yuki. It didn't make sense. — You know there are rules, and you cannot enter the Ladies of the Court room. If you want to spend time alone with Miss Yuki, you should make her your Inamorata and…
Nelliel didn't even finish hearing that sentence, she came out of her hiding place and started walking towards the queen, who seemed surprised to see her, as did Kaien and Yuki. Orihime went after Nelliel, trying to stop her but to no avail; Nelliel was completely upset by what she had just heard. Her mind worked quickly, showing her scenes of everything that could have happened inside that room with Kaien and Yuki, and with each scene, her anger grew more.
— Inamorata? Really? — Nelliel asked, looking at Kaien and then at the queen. She didn't even bother to look at Yuki, who had been hiding behind Kaien, who had somehow moved his hand to protect Yuki.
Nelliel was waiting for an explanation to what she had just heard at that moment; the queen had to be joking. The woman who was supposed to be against mistresses was suggesting that Kaien have one; those words shouldn't even have come from the queen's mouth.
— You know the rules, Nell. — The queen replied, looking Nelliel up and down without losing her cool, as if she were valuing her at the moment. — Princes can choose an Inamorata if…
— But the prince to whom you suggest it, Your Majesty, is married! — Nelliel raised her voice, unable to control her jealousy, interrupting what should be a lecture on the rules and customs of the castle by the queen. — You shouldn't even suggest it, Your Majesty!
Kaien wasn't saying anything, just protecting Yuki in a way that made Nelliel feel disgusted.
— Shouldn't I? Why? — Queen Masaki asked looking at Nelliel, waiting for an answer that Nelliel couldn't give.
The queen looked at Kaien and Yuki, the latter was still hidden behind Kaien, and caressed Kaien's cheek with that maternal gesture that she always used to use with Ichigo, and that Nelliel had never seen the queen use with Kaien.
— My dear son, you know the rules. Inamoratas for the princes and "Favorites of the Queen" for the kings. One day you will be the king, I know you will know how to make a good decision. — The queen spoke again, ignoring Nelliel.
— Mother... — Kaien's voice sounded confused, perhaps from the queen's caresses or words, Nelliel couldn't tell it apart because she was so angry that all she wanted to do was drag Yuki down the hall. — I know it and I know the rules.
— I'm glad you understand, my dear son. — The queen turned to see Nelliel, who clenched her fists at her sides, restraining herself from doing something reckless. — I thought you understood what you had gotten into when you said you wanted to be the queen, Nelliel. Prepare to be burned, because there will be a lot of fire in the crown that you want to have. Orihime, come with me. Let Nelliel and Kaien fix this "misunderstanding".
The queen took one last look at Nelliel, and turned to head to her own room with Orihime walking behind.
For a moment there was a heavy silence in that corridor that was only broken by the sound of the queen's footsteps who walked away from there.
Nelliel looked at Yuki, and with a quick movement she tried to grab Yuki by the arm to get her out of her hiding place behind Kaien; Nelliel was going to drag Yuki around the castle if necessary, just for the Kuchiki girl to remember that attracting Kaien's attention was the worst mistake she could make, but Kaien stopped her.
Kaien moved taking a step back, causing Yuki to take a step back as well, and grabbed Nelliel's wrist tightly, preventing her from moving and doing more than looking at him.
— What are you doing? — Kaien asked, annoyed by Nelliel's attitude, in a tone of voice that was somewhat akin to a hiss.
Nelliel tried to make Kaien release her wrist but she couldn't, it hurt the way he was holding her but she didn't complain; anger was stronger than pain. They were both staring at each other, completely angry and unblinking.
— That's what I would like to know! What the hell are you doing! — Nelliel demanded looking at Kaien, trying again to get him to release her, but only made Kaien tighten his grip on her wrist. — We have been married for less than half a year and you already want a mistress!
— Princess Nelliel, it's not what you think…
— You shut up! — Nelliel yelled, preventing Yuki from speaking further. — And come out from behind my husband, if you don't want to…
— If she doesn't want to, what? — Asked Kaien, who hadn't let go of Nelliel's wrist. Nelliel felt anger run under her skin in a hot way, like a lava surge, when she saw that Kaien was defending Yuki. — What will you do to this girl? Are you going to hit her? Are you going to kill her? Tell me what you will do to her, Nelliel. Will you do the same as the queen does with the king's mistresses?
Nelliel stared at Kaien, who actually looked annoyed, and then at Yuki, who had taken a step to the right, obeying the order to come out from behind Kaien.
— So... will she be your lover? That's it? — Nelliel asked, giving up trying to get Kaien to let go of her. — You are dressing her and then going and undressing her. First her shoes, then her dress, and then what? Will I have to watch the girl parade dressed in silk to your room so you can fuck her?
Kaien released his hold on Nelliel's wrist at the last sentence, and Nelliel took the opportunity to move away from him. She wanted to hit him, but hitting a prince was not as well tolerated as mistresses; that seemed ridiculous to Nelliel. When she became the queen, she would see to it that there were no more Inamoratas or Queen's Favorite.
— Miss Kuchiki is not my mistress, she will not be my Inamorata, or anything you imagine. — Kaien defended himself against that accusation. Nelliel could see her skin turn red where Kaien had held her too tightly. — The queen misinterpreted everything she saw. Yes, I was here, talking to Yuki, but not because I wanted to take her to bed and…
— Yuki? — Nelliel noticed Kaien's familiar manner when speaking of Yuki. Kaien was surprised by that question and could not hide it, leaving himself in evidence in front of Nelliel. — You said "Yuki", a moment ago she was "Miss Kuchiki".
The silence that followed that question was overwhelming.
Nelliel felt her heart pounding, even her ears were buzzing from the anger she felt at that precise moment against Kaien; she reminded herself that if she wanted to be queen one day, she had to know how to deal with something like that. She had to be smarter than anyone there.
— Miss Kuchiki, please enter your room, we will continue our talk another day. — Kaien said to Yuki, still looking at Nelliel who had started to rub her wrist because of that rough grip.
— Her highness, it was not my intention… — Yuki tried to apologize to Nelliel, but Kaien cut her off.
— Now! — Kaien's voice was so deep, that Nelliel could feel Kaien's anger at that moment.
Yuki did not hesitate to obey that order and returned inside that room, leaving Nelliel and Kaien alone in that corridor; they both looked at each other the same way the king and queen looked when they were together, in a silent and aggressive claim.
Kaien tried to get closer to Nelliel, but Nelliel took a step back preventing him from approaching her; Nelliel was so upset that the last thing she wanted was to have Kaien near her. The idea of Kaien touching her, after having touched Yuki, disgusted her.
— We'll talk about this when you're calm. — Finally Kaien spoke. — It is nothing of what you are imagining. I told you once, I wouldn't take Inamoratas unless it was you.
Nelliel didn't speak, she just stared at Kaien until he left.
It was at that moment that Nelliel allowed herself to let out a helpless cry that echoed down the hall; she loved Kaien, and if she could bear seeing him with Miyako earlier, she could bear what was going on at the time.
Nelliel, more than wanting to be queen, wanted Kaien for herself and only herself, and she would do what she had to do to achieve it.
—
The bedroom of the Ladies of the Queen's Court was empty, so standing behind the door, listening to Kaien's last words to his wife, was something Yuki could afford to do. It was the first time she had seen the prince upset, and although that expression was scary, a part within her felt excited.
Yuki leaned against the door of the bedroom and brought a pair of fingers to her lips, caressing them as she closed her eyes, remembering that kiss that Prince Kaien had given her moments before he left that room and the queen discovered them.
It was the first time that Yuki kissed someone, and she felt her legs tremble at that moment, when the prince pulled her to him, holding her tightly by the waist, and making that kiss so intense that it took her breath away.
The scream she heard outside the room made her stop fantasizing about what might have happened in that room between her and Prince Kaien, and she pulled away from the door a bit only to settle back and try to hear something else, but that's not what happened.
The door slammed open causing Yuki to fall flat on the floor.
— Stupid! Be more careful! — Yuki yelled before realizing that the one who had entered the room was Nelliel. — Your Highness, excuse me. I thought it was Riruka.
Yuki excused herself immediately, trying to get up from the floor, but Nelliel prevented her by putting a foot in her hand, crushing it with force. Yuki let out a cry of pain but did not try to get up from the floor, it was better for her to stay there if she did not want to have broken fingers.
— Listen to me, little bitch. — Nelliel said, with that tone of voice that was so dangerous and that it seemed to Yuki that everyone there had developed it, except herself. — Your five minutes in paradise with Prince Kaien are over. Did you hear me?
— Your Highness, I don't…
— You shut up! — Nelliel yelled and put more pressure on Yuki's hand making her scream again. — I don't care if you already slept with Prince Kaien or intended to; I order you to stay away from him.
— Your Highness, I would do no such thing. The prince is married to you, I couldn't even think of disrespecting you. — Yuki said, knowing that she had to start lying to protect her life and the integrity of her hand. Princess Nelliel was really upset and after hearing the questions Prince Kaien asked her, Yuki preferred not to find out what Princess Nelliel would be able to do to her. — I would never, ever try to sleep with Prince Kaien.
— Never? And why did the queen discover him leaving this room with you? — Nelliel asked, without removing her foot from Yuki's hand, which was still on the ground and resisting the pain that it caused her.
— Prince Kaien offered to accompany me, just that. — Yuki felt so much pain in her hand that her eyes began to fill with tears. — He said... he said he would visit you... just that. Your Highness, the prince is honorable. The prince respects you. You can ask the servants who have seen us walking around the castle, the prince only talks about you.
That last sentence made Nelliel stop stepping on Yuki's hand, making it possible for Yuki to get up quickly from the floor and bow to Nelliel; all without looking up more than necessary and without stopping rubbing her hand to mitigate the pain.
It was one thing to argue with the Ladies of the Court, and quite another to have a princess, who would be the future queen, as an enemy.
— Oh yeah? And what does Prince Kaien say about me? — Nelliel asked. Yuki could see the disbelief of the princess in that question and she mentally cursed her luck.
— He says that he is very happy with you, and that he is very much in love with you. — Yuki said the first thing that came to mind, imagining it would be what Princess Nelliel wanted to hear.
Yuki felt the princess's gaze on her, as if she was assessing whether to believe her or not. When Princess Nelliel smiled, Yuki thanked the Deities because it meant that the princess had believed her.
— Well, I'll believe you this time, but if I find out that you've lied to me, then you'll see why walking near the cliff is so dangerous. — Nelliel threatened her before she left.
Yuki was silent, standing in that room, pleading with the Deities that her luck would not run out that night and rubbing her hand. It really hurt and she couldn't move her fingers, she must have gone to the doctor to check it out, because she felt her hand was swelling.
—
Kaien was sitting on some cushions in his room with the windows open, letting the cool night breeze into the room and with the candles out, and causing the room to be in darkness. His mind was on what had happened that afternoon with the Kuchiki girl and Nelliel, and he couldn't help but feel guilty about their attitude and behavior.
He had hurt Nelliel, and this was unforgivable; she didn't deserve him to treat her like that.
Nelliel was always clear with him about her feelings for him and all she asked of him was that he be nice to her, and that afternoon he couldn't even do that.
— By the Deities! Nelliel doesn't deserve this! — He complained loudly, feeling like a total idiot. — Is it so hard for me to keep a promise?
He sank back onto the cushions and covered his face with a small pillow, stifling a helpless cry.
All afternoon he had not stopped thinking that he did not act in the best way, he even imagined several possible scenarios where hurting Nelliel was not included. Kaien had done so many things wrong that day that he really felt like a bastard.
Kaien kept wondering if what he felt for Nelliel was real. He kept wondering if he was really in love with her, as he had believed before, or was he just getting used to her and the comfort he felt around her.
Being with Nelliel made him feel so good, that remembering how he had hurt her in the afternoon made him feel worse, and remembering the Kuchiki girl was not helping him.
He wanted to fool himself by telling himself that he had kissed Yuki because it was a matter of a moment, but deep down he knew that the truth was even more insane than that. As insane as the fact that the physical resemblance between Yuki and Rukia was too great.
Kaien gasped again in frustration on the pillow over his face.
If Yuki hadn't separated him from her after that kiss, he would have taken her to bed right there, just for the fact that she reminded him of Rukia, and Rukia definitely liked him; worst of all, was that Rukia had not given him any reason for him to feel anything for her, she just liked him since he saw her.
Kaien cursed for the first time his luck and the education they had given him, because all his life they had told him that he would marry Rukia, and a part of him wanted her; but he wanted her as something that was supposed to be his and it was taken from him.
He knew he had to talk to Nelliel, but before talking to her, he had to find a good explanation for what had happened in that corridor; Nelliel was the only one who knew him well, she would know just by looking at him if he was telling a lie or not.
Autumn — x492 / September 30
What had happened the day before kept him from sleeping, and for a second, when he realized that it was dawn and he hadn't been able to sleep more than a couple of hours that night, Kaien wondered if what was happening to him had happened to his father when he had taken his mother as a mistress, despite being engaged and about to get married.
Every time Kaien asked the king if he ever loved his mother, the king evaded the question one way or another. Many times Kaien came to think that his father did not love her mother but felt guilty for her death and that is why he had stayed with him.
Kaien didn't even know his own mother's name. No one mentioned his mother's name in the castle, they just didn't talk about her. He only knew that the queen and his mother had a rivalry that only ended with the death of his mother.
For a moment Kaien imagined himself going through that situation, watching Nelliel and Yuki face each other, turning the castle back into a battlefield. The king did not divorce the queen because she is the daughter of a powerful king, and it was better to have Vayalat as allies than enemies, but Nelliel was not the daughter of a king, she was only Nelliel.
And Nelliel was his best friend, who had followed him to that destination by marrying him.
Kaien couldn't imagine himself divorcing Nelliel, he appreciated her and loved her too much to do that to her. He didn't want to humiliate her more than he had done to her by kissing Yuki.
He understood the situation, and knew what to do, but remembering that kiss altered him in the worst possible way; Kaien knew whatever he did with Yuki, it would only be to satiate his own ego at the cost of Nelliel's suffering.
When he got bored with Yuki, the girl would be sent to her own home and married to an important Lord, but the damage to Nelliel would be done and would be irreparable. The words that he himself said to Ichigo the day they found the king's bathtub on the Night of Souls, returned to his mind.
"We're doing them a favor. We sleep with those girls, and then they marry someone important who will have the honor of knowing that his wife is so beautiful that the princes noticed her."
Kaien stifled a cry of frustration in the pillow; thinking about things of the kingdom was easier than thinking about love problems.
He knew that the longer it took him to talk to Nelliel, the more difficult it would be, because he really couldn't find what to say to her or how to justify what happened with Yuki without looking like an idiot; so after finishing his breakfast, and still with dark circles under his eyes, he went to Nelliel's room to talk to her.
Kaien knocked on the door a few times and a maid opened the door wide enough for him to see a part of the interior of Nelliel's bedroom.
— Step aside. — Kaien ordered, but Nelliel's maid did not move. — You are deaf? Step aside! — Kaien raised his voice, but the maiden did not move.
— Your Highness, Princess Nelliel doesn't wish to see you today. — The maid spoke and closed the door without saying more.
Kaien froze at that moment; Nelliel had never been like this, and it threw him off because he didn't understand what was going on. He knocked on the door again, asking Nelliel to let him in, but no one answered the call.
— Leave her alone. — Queen Masaki's voice surprised him. — She doesn't want to talk to you, and don't even think about blaming me for this. It's your actions that have made Nelliel feel sad. Even the king knows that he makes mistakes and bears the consequences.
Kaien did not answer because precisely the first thought he had when he saw Queen Masaki, was to blame her for having found him in the hall with Yuki.
— Everything comes back, Kaien. Now you know what it feels like, and so does she. Stop bringing lovers to the king; it's fun to get rid of them, but it's tiring. — The queen's words caught him off guard. — I'm not as young as before.
— I'll do, but not because you ask, mother. I'll do it because the king has a mistress whom you cannot kill. — Kaien replied, with that triumphant smile he rarely used with the queen.
The queen shook her head slightly and smiled.
— You are so young, my dear son, and you have so much to learn. — The queen replied, giving Kaien a maternal caress on the face before leaving, letting those words float in the air.
Kaien didn't know what the queen was referring to at the time, but the queen made it clear to him that she definitely knew that he was the one who brought the mistresses to the king.
And if the queen knew, why did she allow it? That question echoed in Kaien's mind and there was only one answer that he considered possible: the king told the queen about his mistresses and the queen allowed it.
At that answer, a new question formed in Kaien's mind. If the queen knew about the king's mistresses because the king himself told her about them, then did the king and queen have an agreement about the mistresses?
Kaien laughed at the thought of that response; it would be ridiculous to imagine that the king and queen had an agreement about the king's mistresses. They didn't get along, and they never would. The queen was only saying that so as not to look bad, since she always boasted of knowing everything that happened inside the castle.
"Eyes, ears and fingers", that was the phrase of the queen to justify that she knew everything.
Kaien glanced at the door to Nelliel's room, knowing that even if he knocked again, she wouldn't open it, and sighed. He had to admit that the queen was right and he had to let Nelliel settle down.
During the rest of the day he did not return to the queen's area, internally he was grateful for that, because it gave him time to think, although he never reached any conclusion.
Clarifying his feelings was not easy, talking about them with Nelliel would not be either, but she knew him so well that she could distinguish whether what he said was true or not; he just had to wait for her to receive him and want to talk to him.
They both had to talk a lot.
Kaien was thinking about the best way to start that conversation with Nelliel, when a servant broke into his room without even knocking on the door; that angered Kaien, who got up from his seat asking for an explanation for such disrespect.
— Your Highness, Princess Nelliel is on the cliff. — The servant was nervous and scared. — She doesn't want to go back, and we are afraid to get close and that she decides to jump.
Kaien had a déjà vu at that moment, because those words had been said to him the afternoon that Miyako had thrown herself over that cliff; this had to be a cruel joke of fate. His deepest fear brought to the fore again, losing Nelliel, his best friend and partner.
He ran out of his room as fast as he could, and didn't realize when he got to the cliff where Nelliel was until he was there; the servant didn't tell him, but Kaien had no trouble finding her.
Nelliel was standing on the cliff, in the same place where Miyako had thrown herself, and that filled Kaien with fear.
Nelliel stared into emptiness, with her long hair was blowing loose in the wind coming up the cliff, in the same dress she had worn the day before, and was barefoot.
Kaien immediately focused his gaze on Nelliel's wrists, fearing that she had done the same as Miyako, and mentally thanked the Deities that Nelliel had no injuries. His heart was pounding, he was afraid that Nelliel would fall if he wasn't careful, but it seemed like Nelliel hadn't realized he was there.
— Nell. — He called her that way he only used on her when they were alone, and found his voice was shaking. — What are you doing, my dear Nell? The cliff is very dangerous. — He spoke again, trying to control his fear and the nerves he was feeling at the moment.
There was a long silence, only broken by the sound of Nelliel's dress being moved by the wind. Kaien was anxious, he wanted to get closer to her, take her by the hand and push her away from the edge, and at the same time he was afraid that she would jump if he was not able to hold her tight.
Nelliel looked away from the cliff and tilted her head slightly; Kaien knew that she was watching him.
— The night I lost our son, that night I dreamed of Miyako. — Nelliel began to speak. Kaien was surprised because he didn't know that. Nelliel had never told him.
— Surely she was happy, right? You two were best friends. — Kaien ventured to say, slowly approaching Nelliel who was not moving from her place.
— I had our son in my arms. — Nelliel continued, as if she hadn't heard him. — And she took our son from me, took him in her arms and then jumped off the cliff with him.
Nelliel stopped looking at him and looked back at the cliff. Kaien felt a chill at Nelliel's words, both from what she said, and from the way she said it.
— Nell, my dear Nell… — Kaien walked over to Nelliel and reached out to hold her hand, but he still couldn't reach her. Nelliel was standing on a cliff ledge that was too dangerous. — Let's talk about it, but stay away from there. Come with me, my dear Nell.
— Many times I wanted to come to the cliff and see if it was true, but I did not. — Nelliel kept talking, ignoring what Kaien was saying or doing. — Today I have come and I have listened to him, at the bottom of the cliff, the wind brings his voice to me. Our son is there and asks me to pick him up. I'll go find him, I want to be with him...
Nelliel took a step that caused a stone to fall into space, she leaned slightly, and before she could take the second step that would cause her to fall, Kaien caught her by the waist and pushed her away from the edge to fall on the grass. They both fell away from the edge of the cliff, and Nelliel began to struggle for Kaien to release her.
— Let me go! Let me go! Let me go with my son! — Nelliel was screaming and Kaien could only hold her tight so that Nelliel couldn't get up and go to the edge of the cliff and do something crazy. — Let me go! Do not touch me! Let me go with my son!
Kaien was trying to talk to her, to make her see reason, but Nelliel didn't seem to be listening; he had no choice but to subdue her to the point of being on top of her, holding her hands tightly against the ground and grass, to prevent her from getting up. Nelliel tried to get him to let go of her, but Kaien didn't and Nelliel gradually calmed down from that struggle until she started crying.
— Please, let me go. — Nelliel pleaded through tears. — Kaien, please. I'm tired, let me go, I want to go with our son.
Kaien felt something inside his chest clench when he saw her cry like that, when he saw her beg him to let her die, because that was what would happen if he let her go. He hadn't imagined that the loss of their son had affected her in such a way.
— No Nell, don't ask me to let you go like this. — Kaien replied, trying to control his breath, the fear and the helplessness he felt at that moment. — We both know our son is not there, please don't do it. Do not leave me alone.
— I can't handle this anymore. — Nelliel whispered, looking at him with tear-filled eyes. — If this is the life that awaits me, then I don't want it anymore. I love you Kaien, but my love is not enough to maintain this charade; you don't love me or respect me.
— No Nell, I do, I love you Nell. — Kaien whispered, not knowing why he had said it at the time. Kaien just wanted Nelliel to stop crying, he couldn't bear to see her like this.
— You love me? — Nelliel asked. Kaien only felt like crying at that moment when he saw the doubt and pain in Nelliel's eyes. — For a moment I thought you would, but I think I was wrong, what happened between us was only convenience and pity. Let me go to the cliff, with our son, he is the only part of you that truly loves me, that is truly alone.
— Nell, I'm not lying. I love you, and I know I was wrong not to tell you before. I know it was a mistake on my part what happened with Yuki, but don't do this to me. Don't punish me like this. Don't punish me with your absence, you don't know how much I need you in my life.
Kaien couldn't bear to see Nelliel like this, because even there, she wasn't even asking him to love her, just to let her die, and it filled him with fear and pain. He didn't understand why Nell didn't believe in him, he didn't understand why she didn't believe him when he told her that he loved her.
Kaien didn't want to believe that he had hurt her too much.
— You don't need me, Kaien. — Nelliel whispered, a little calmer, but still with tears in her eyes. — It was not your mistake, it was mine for thinking that one day you would feel something for me. I could have been happy with you, as your friend, even as your lover, even if we had never married, knowing that we could never have children… but now, for every moment of happiness I feel one equal or worse of sadness. I don't want a life like this. Why did you do this to me Kaien? If I love you so much, why are you doing this to me?
— Nell… I… I… — Kaien didn't know what to answer and the only thing he could do was release Nelliel's wrists.
Nelliel moved her hand slightly and laced her fingers through his. Kaien thought that Nelliel had calmed down, that she had realized how crazy she was going to do, and he squeezed Nelliel's fingers with a little force, feeling relieved in that moment.
— In the name of the Deities, I divorce you... I divorce you...
— NO! — Kaien yelled preventing Nelliel from finishing that sentence. — No, no, no… Don't do this to me, Nell.
— You won't let me reunite with our son, you won't let me divorce you. You are too cruel to me, Kaien. — Nelliel released her hold on Kaien's hand, but he didn't let go of Nelliel's hand. Again Nelliel's eyes filled with tears. — I don't deserve this cruelty from you. What do you want from me, Kaien? Tell me, because I don't know.
— I love you, Nell. I want you, I need you and everything you represent. — Kaien started to speak, unable to hold back any longer knowing that he was about to lose Nelliel. — I married you because you are my best friend, you are the only one who knows me as I really am.
— I thought I knew you. Now I don't know anything.
— No! You are the only one who knows me. I was stupid, I know... I'm not perfect, but don't leave me. I cannot imagine one day and know that you will not be here, that you will not come and kiss me just because you saw me so serious. I need you Nell, I need my best friend.
Nelliel stared at him for a moment and looked away before slowly nodding to what Kaien said.
— You can get off me, I promise I won't jump off the cliff. — Nelliel whispered and Kaien was relieved. Nelliel turned to see him, and gave him a grimace that looked like a too forced smile. — I made a mistake, but I won't do it again. I can't leave my best friend alone, what kind of best friend would I be?
Kaien didn't know how to respond to Nelliel's words ,he didn't even know who helped him up. He saw the servants approach and help Nelliel, he saw Orihime hug her and again heard Nelliel cry, but she was already too far away to approach her.
At that moment, watching Nelliel walk away hugging Orihime, Kaien knew that he had destroyed something inside Nelliel that he couldn't so easily repair.
Special greetings to diah77 and jobananasan. Thanks to everyone who reads this story.
Next chapter: Friday.