The Nightingale

Chapter 65: The Second Prince

Summer — x493 / July 14

Despite the fact that his aunt Kirio took care of him and tried to ensure that he did not lack that maternal love that every child needed in his childhood, Ichigo could not stop missing his mother. Many times he thought about asking his uncle Kisuke to take him back to Adelaar, and many times he rejected that idea when remembering that his father did not believe him and did not love him; because in all that time, Ichigo hadn't received a single letter from his father.

Everything would have been so different if his father had written even one letter to him; maybe not an "I love you", but an "I miss you", although his father may never believe him that he didn't break the map, but a little of that feeling that every child expects from his father would have been enough for Ichigo to return. But Isshin never wrote or asked about him or anything.

It was that winter, the first winter away from home, that Ichigo's tattoo formed and the gift in him awoke like a gale.

The children of Vayalat follow a rigorous training and from a young age, since they can understand, they explain to them what will happen when they are delivered to the Shadow and what they must study to awaken the gift in a controlled manner after they are delivered; but with Ichigo that didn't happen.

Ichigo was a prodigy of the gift, Kisuke said.

And Rukia knew all that in a superficial way, because Ichigo didn't want or feel ready to talk about it, about everything he felt, did and said, when he lived in Vayalat.

— A Prodigy, they told me, but that night I didn't know why I felt so much pain in my back and why I had hurt my uncle when he tried to get close to me. It was fear, as it was with you, that put the gift back to sleep that night, but it was there, dormant and waiting for a display of uncontrollable emotions to resurface. Controlling your own emotions when you are a child is impossible. — Ichigo whispered, who was sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the door frame and with his legs bent. Rukia was facing him, sitting the same way, with the sea on one side and the room on the other. — A lot of happiness, a lot of sadness or a lot of anger, a lot of anything is dangerous because it awakens the gift without being able to do anything to avoid it. They taught me the prayer I taught you last night, and I repeated it every time I felt the gift flutter between my fingers.

Training was difficult, living was difficult, and channeling the gift to react to an emotion was also difficult.

The first time Yoruichi and Ichigo saw each other was at the spring festivities at Vermist. At the time of celebrations, training and any activity were canceled, and a week was dedicated to celebrating the change of season. Yoruichi was 11 years old at the time, and she came from the hand of her father, the king of Gardelia.

— I didn't know it at the time, but the king of Gardelia had come looking for an alliance; he planned to marry Yoruichi to my uncle Kisuke's eldest son, even though he is 10 years older than her, and at that time he was already engaged. — Ichigo turned to see Rukia, who was staring at him, playing with her own fingers. — Remember what I told you about princes and princesses?

— That they are like the best cattle, from which the best children would come. If the marriage serves the kingdom, then it will take place. — Rukia's voice had that tone that told Ichigo she was upset. That was a difficult subject, one that he would have preferred not to have to talk with her, but they still had to.

— Gardelia's royalty is different from that of Avanta or Jetaiya. In Gardelia there is no main wife or legitimate wife, there are only concubines. The king has as many concubines as he wants to have, and all of them could give him children, however when the king died then the strongest son, the most favored or the one who survived the conspiracies, was the one who ascended the throne. No one ever knew who would inherit the kingdom, so supporting any of the princes was a risky bet.

Therefore, when the king of Gardelia offered such a deal, Yhwach said "no", but invited them to spend the festival with them and try to reach another kind of agreement.

— My aunt Kirio is… she was like my mother and she was the one who introduced me to Yoruichi. I was a sad boy and she was a very happy girl, I guess my aunt thought that if I became friends with her it would be good for me. We were both of a similar age, so we really became friends and for a moment I felt like a normal kid, without the pressure of controlling the gift or without the sadness that I was here, alone and missing my mother and my little sisters.

It happened as it happens with children, she asked him if he wanted to accompany her and Ichigo accepted; it was Yoruichi who held his hand that day and dragged him around the festival stalls, always followed by the guards to the point where it became a challenge to lose and escape from them.

Ichigo looked at his hand, the memory came to his mind and made him smile involuntarily.

— Is it a happy memory? — Rukia's voice brought him back to the present, snapping him out of that afternoon where he was running, laughing and escaping from the guards who were chasing them.

Ichigo looked up and saw the sadness in Rukia's eyes. Ichigo took her hand and kissed it.

— It is a childhood memory, one of those that are truly happy, one of the few that I have. — Ichigo watched Rukia nod and take a deep breath. He didn't know if it was jealousy or sadness, or a mixture of both in her. — Then she returned to Gardelia and I went back to training. I didn't see her until the following year, when the king of Gardelia came back to try to make a deal with my grandfather because they were making the Desert Road and the ports bigger.

— Did you miss her that year? — Rukia asked, unable to contain the anxiety in her voice.

— I really didn't have time to miss her, but she sent me a birthday card and I wrote back thanking her. I was glad to see her again at that festival, we had both grown up a bit and it was nice to talk to her again. Then she returned to Gardelia, we wrote to each other a couple of times and we met again at the festival the following year. That year we no longer ran around the festival stalls like when we were kids, we just talked and she told me that her father wanted an alliance with Vayalat, that's why they came back every year. She also told me that her father wanted to marry her off and that made her sad.

— Was it when you told her that when you were named heir you would marry her? — Rukia's voice echoed with jealousy in all its glory and she let go of his hand. Ichigo just shook his head.

— No, on that occasion I told her that she was a princess, that she could choose who to marry, but she told me that things are done differently in Gardelia. She is the daughter of a concubine, so her destiny was entirely linked to her father's will, and at that time I didn't think about that, I just wanted to train and become strong so that my father would love me. Afterwards, she returned to Gardelia, again.

And then came the battle for Trinity Island. Cikram launched an attack to try and retake the island and Vayalat retaliated. Koga used to say that it was the shortest battle, because it had lasted less compared to others, but it was months of blood, death and destruction. Ships clashed on the island's shores, attacking the walls, and archers shooting at those who tried to scale them or enter the gates.

Kisuke did not move until he learned where the king of Cikram was, and instead of heading to support the island's defense, he steered the ship to the mainland coast of Cikram where his informants claimed to have seen the king's camp.

— When it was the attack on Trinity Island, my uncle Kisuke took me with him on his ship, also Koga, a small army of Shadows and some bearers of the gift who had the order to advance to the capital of the kingdom and make it fall. We were not heading to the island, we were heading to the mainland coast of the kingdom. — Ichigo looked at his hand again and clenched his fist. — So my uncle gave me my first mission, a real one, a dangerous one. I was to infiltrate the king's camp and kill him.

— How old were you? — Rukia asked, as if she was afraid of the answer. Ichigo looked up before answering her.

— Thirteen…

— You were a child!

— A child prodigy of the gift, because I had already managed to control it better than any child my age despite the fact that the gift was quite strong in me. A boy who had learned to fight, a boy who watched his training partners die. A boy who enjoyed that fight. — Ichigo leaned his head against the door frame and closed his eyes for a moment, remembering that night and feeling that strange guilt that follows corrupted pleasure. — For the Shadow! You have no idea how much I enjoyed that display of power, how I enjoyed seeing the hellhounds being summoned and obeying my commands, and how I enjoyed seeing the face of that king when he realized that a child had entered his tent after organizing a massacre with his soldiers.

The smile on his face when he remembered that was bitter and guilty, but it was still a smile because deep down he was still enjoying a part of that memory; enjoying that moment, when the gift was all that mattered.

— The fear, the nerves, the anxiety, they were a whirlpool of emotions but when I released the magic all that turned into a kind of happiness that I don't know how to explain. You can ask Koga, he used to say that my smile made him uncomfortable. — Ichigo looked at Rukia, who seemed genuinely surprised by that confession. Ichigo couldn't hide the emotion in his words, it was the first time he had said out loud that he had enjoyed that massacre. — That emotion was extinguished when I felt the first clash of swords and killed my first man. At that moment I was aware that I had killed someone, but I didn't have time to regret it, it was my life or that of others, and while I watched my second man die from a movement of my sword, I let the gift take me over. I stopped thinking so much, feeling afraid, I just went and did what I had to do until I entered the king's tent, killed those who took care of him and then killed him. When the gift dominates you there is nothing that is not emotion, in my case it was a perverse happiness, because I don't know how else to explain it.

That night Ichigo made the hellhounds return to the source and walked down the beach with the severed head of the King of Cikram in one hand. Ichigo smiled, and threw that head at the feet of his uncle who congratulated him for doing his job well. After that, that small army moved to head towards the capital and bring it down, they were going to conquer that kingdom just so Cikram wouldn't be a nuisance anymore.

— When I came back from the unconsciousness that the use of the gift caused me, when I was able to really control myself and all my emotions, then an abyss opened up under my feet. — Ichigo closed his eyes for a moment and clenched his fists, fighting against that feeling, because to remember it was to relive it and at that moment he felt himself falling again into that abyss in which he inevitably inhabited since that day. — I fell into that abyss, I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done, and all that emotion turned into guilt. I had killed people, men I didn't know if they had families, if they had someone waiting for them or praying for them. Again the magic got out of control and they locked me up in a prison on Trinity Island for days, my uncle was the one who watched me and somehow managed to calm me down, but everything was too much for me. Even Koga went to visit me, at that time he looked at me with fear, as if he still didn't believe what he had seen.

It was too much for a child, no matter how good he was or how blessed he was by the Shadow, it was too much for him. Kisuke was afraid that his mind would collapse; he heard him scream and he heard him cry, he listened to him go from desperation and the plea to get him out of there and return home, to the madness itself where he asked to be allowed to go back to the battlefield so he could continue paying tribute to the shadow.

The gift dominated him and freed him in a constant struggle, because that is how the "magic of everything" is, either they manage to dominate it or they end up being its slaves.

Until one day, Ichigo simply calmed down, stopped screaming, crying, asking to be sent to the battlefield and fell into a terrifying silence that was reflected in his eyes. That was when they let him out of that prison.

— The day I was released I accepted that I was in an abyss from which I could never get out and I accepted that my destiny was always to be a murderer who enjoyed killing, because even when I was with the mercenaries, in those occasional clashes between groups that hired them, even if I didn't use the ankh, I enjoyed fighting and seeing the terror in the eyes of those unlucky enough to face me.

Rukia threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly, as if she wanted to comfort him, and Ichigo returned the hug forcefully, coming out of those memories that were embracing him like they were tentacles. Rukia's hug woke him up from some kind of dream or fog that he didn't know how he got into. He felt that mint scent on Rukia's skin that calmed him down and made him feel happy and at home, and he breathed it in with his eyes closed looking for comfort and calm.

That hug made him feel safe and he clung to her in fear that she would vanish. His light, the one that kept him sane and gave him happiness along with a reason for him not to sink completely into that abyss again.

— They forced you to grow up very fast. It's not fair. It's not fair at all. You were just a child. — Rukia whispered still hugging him. — That's why you asked me if I might be able to share a bed with a murderer, isn't it?

Ichigo closed his eyes, enjoying that hug for a few more moments before pulling away from her to make Rukia sit back down, but he didn't let go of her hand.

— Yes, that's why I asked you. You, in my eyes, are a light and I... I didn't want to contaminate you. — Ichigo replied and squeezed Rukia's fingers because it was time to really start talking about what mattered in this talk. — Cikram belongs to Vayalat. Vayalat does not rule directly but the king of Cikram pays tribute to the kingdom, because he knows that if they try anything against Vayalat, Cikram will end up falling. When we got back to Vermist, my uncle told everyone about my great deed, everyone was saying how amazing I was, how brave I was and how smart I was. They praised my control of the gift and said that thanks to me they had managed to win the battle. And I enjoyed those words and what came with them because I had stopped being seen as a child and they saw me as a hero.

That was when Ichigo tasted the wine, the parties and the attention for the first time, he was still a child but he no longer had that innocence because it had vanished when he returned from that island.

— I kept training, I wanted to control the gift better because that feeling of power when I used it on that mission had been incredible and I wanted to feel it again. I also started drinking, at first it was a couple of drinks at lunch or dinner, nothing big, but at parties where alcohol runs like water, well, I drank it like water. I felt great, a hero and a man, they said. And when I was 14 years old, Yoruichi returned to Vermist.

Rukia let go of his hand and they both knew why. Ichigo could see the jealousy in Rukia's eyes at the mention of Yoruichi.

— When she came back, we were no longer children, we had both grown up and I liked her more than as a friend. — Ichigo really didn't want to talk about it.

Rukia got up from her place on the floor and started pacing the room back and forth with her hands on her face, muttering things that he couldn't understand but that sounded like a prayer. Ichigo could see that she was trying to calm down and he thought that talking in too much detail was not a good idea, so he started to think about what things might not be really important so he wouldn't have to say them out loud. He didn't want to hurt Rukia.

— All right. — Rukia stood in front of him and sat back in the position they were in before, taking a few deep breaths and keeping her eyes closed for a moment before opening them and staring at him. — I already calmed down. I want you to tell me everything, every detail that you think is important, not so specific but I want to know, because if I ever talk to her, I want to be prepared for whatever she might say or how she might say it. I don't know her, I'm not thrilled to meet her, but tomorrow's the dance and she's probably here and… you might have to talk to her. I want to, no… I need to know how intense that relationship was because I don't want my mind to wander too much. She is here, she is a ghost and I'm not going to give her power.

Ichigo nodded, waited a moment longer until Rukia told him she was ready to listen, and began to speak again.

— When we met again, I had changed and I was no longer a sad child, I was a child who grew up very quickly. I learned to smile like Kaien does, I think that runs in the family, and I knew that what I asked for, one way or another, I had.

— Is this how the dangerous man was born? — Rukia asked with a slight dose of fear in her voice.

— No, that's how the childish bastard that I am when I'm with Kaien was born. — Ichigo replied taking Rukia's hand gently. — The dangerous man is the businessman, the man who goes to war; the man who kills without mercy. The man who manipulates kings to avoid deaths just because the woman he loves asks him to. — Ichigo got closer to Rukia to the point of brushing her lips with his hot breath but without taking his eyes off her, gently holding her head. — I am the dangerous man, the man who married you is the dangerous man, whom you have always seen. The one I hide under the prince mask because they expect to see a prince, the one I hide under that childish attitude because it's fun to annoy Kaien. The man who makes love to you. I'm all of them, and you have them all, my love. You have seen them all. Did I scare you, my Moon?

— No. You don't scare me, my Sun.

Rukia responded in a gasp and closed her eyes and Ichigo didn't resist kissing her, he was so close and her hot breath was intoxicating, it was impossible not to kiss her. He could taste her saliva on his mouth before the kiss became too intense for him to breathe, yet he dragged it out as long as humanly possible. Rukia's hands clung to him and if it was up to that kiss, he would have laid her down on the floor and made love to her right there.

Ichigo pulled away from Rukia after licking her lips in a way that told her he wanted more and returned to his original position, enjoying seeing the blush on Rukia's cheeks and seeing her confused after that kiss. The only thing he wanted at that moment was to kiss her again, hold her in his arms and forget all that talk and everything that happened the day before, but she was right. They had to talk because he sensed that Yoruichi wanted something more than just telling him about that son she was forced to lose.

— You would have hated the Ichigo that I was, maybe not at first, but in the end you would have hated him. — Ichigo explained calmly, looking at Rukia who was slowly coming out of her daze from the kiss. — If I had known you as that man, I would not have left you alone until I got a kiss from you, I would have cornered you, I would have seduced you, and I would have told you whatever you wanted to hear just so you wouldn't stop thinking about me and then take you to bed. Yesterday you told me what would have happened to us if everything had followed its set course, and it all ends in my death at your hands, because that would be the only death I wouldn't fight. Today I tell you that if I were that man and you had married Kaien, I would have made you my lover. — Ichigo could see the surprise in Rukia's eyes and smiled. — A man who, no matter what, gets what he wants and without so many morals.

A man, but he was still a child at the time. Ichigo knew what he was doing was wrong, but it felt so good that he had no way of denying himself that he also enjoyed being forced to grow up so fast.

They were silent for a moment.

Ichigo didn't know what Rukia was thinking and he wanted to know; maybe after that talk she would go away as usual to think and that was fine, that was how she was and he didn't intend to change her, because in the end she always told him what she thought and what she wanted. She kept no secrets from him and he wanted to return that trust with confidence, hoping she wouldn't judge him for his past.

— I told her that I would help her father get the alliance he wanted. I went over to my uncle to tell him everything she had told me about the Desert Road, how advantageous it could be to the kingdom, and how easy it would be to simply sign the agreement and send a few Shadows. — Ichigo explained calmly. — I also told him that if they didn't like it or it wasn't convenient in the long run, they could just break the deal by killing Yoruichi's father. No one would suspect a Shadow Spider because they didn't know about the gift of war.

With words of more or words less, that was how Ichigo managed to convince his uncle to sign that alliance without having to marry anyone. He didn't say anything to Yoruichi about that talk or about anything else, until the kings met and talked about everything concerning that alliance.

— After the meeting of kings where that alliance with Gardelia was raised, she looked for me to thank me for helping her father and it was then that I kissed her. — Ichigo said that carefully, trying not to go into unnecessary details about that kiss, neither about the place nor about the sensations. — That was when our relationship began. We didn't do anything, they were just secret kisses until she returned to her kingdom. It was then that I began to write to her but they were not love letters, they were ordinary letters but they all had a flower, so she began to reply with a flower too. A white gardenia.

— Were you in love with her? — Rukia asked, trying to modulate her voice so the anger and jealousy wouldn't get out of control; there was also curiosity in that question.

— No, I just liked her. I liked her a lot, and that's why I did it. When Yoruichi came back for the spring festival a couple of months later, my aunt Kirio caught us kissing, she didn't scold us but told us to be more discreet. My aunt seemed really happy. Yoruichi returned to Gardelia after the celebrations and they sent me to the king's doctor to talk to me about "the things of men". — Rukia didn't need to know how intense those kisses were, or in what compromising position his aunt Kirio had found them, or where or how many clothes were left on them. — In Adelaar, the Queen's Court is "officially" formed when one of the princes is or is about to be 15 years old; so a few weeks after my birthday, my aunt Kirio threw a party and invited many young ladies from the kingdom and Yoruichi. I think she was trying to find me a date or something.

— A party like the one there will be tomorrow. — Rukia whispered bitterly, holding back her jealousy as best she could.

Ichigo nodded and got the feeling that his aunt wanted to emulate that moment again, to replay what happened that night four years ago. He didn't like to think that. He loved his aunt Kirio, she was like a mother to him, but he didn't know what else to do to make her understand that the only woman he was interested in was Rukia.

— The party was fun, we ate, drank and there were dancers. — Ichigo paused, searching for the right words to say the next thing, because at that party he didn't leave Yoruichi's side until they ended up in the bedroom. — That night, after the party, was the first night I slept with her.

Ichigo looked up and could see in Rukia's expression how she was fighting some primal urge to hit him. It was a moment of silence until Rukia closed her eyes and he heard her recite that prayer in the language of dawn in whispers; moments later, although she still seemed upset, she opened her eyes and spoke:

— You told me that she came and didn't leave until you left with the mercenaries. Was it at that time?

— It was at that time. Yoruichi stayed as my aunt's guest and that night was repeated many times. I told Yoruichi that I had feelings for her, that I liked her a lot, and that it was fun to spend time with her. I explained that when I returned to the kingdom I would be declared the heir to the throne and that, if she wanted, we could marry. At that time it seemed like a good idea to me and because in some way, it would make Avanta and Gardelia have an alliance that would benefit us with the Desert Road. She agreed to wait for me to return to the kingdom to make the formal engagement.

— When you say it like that, it looks like you were forced to marry me. — Rukia murmured avoiding seeing him.

— At that time I didn't know you, and you were destined to marry Kaien almost from birth. — Rukia snorted at that comment and Ichigo tried to pick up the thread of the story of his relationship with Yoruichi. — For a while it was fun, but Yoruichi began to talk more and more about getting married, about the life we would have, about children and a lot of other things, and that pleasant feeling of being with her began to fade. I told her that I still didn't want children, that I couldn't have them yet, but that later we would have as many as she wanted; that moment was not appropriate because we were not even in a formal relationship. They had not yet made the appointments of the principalities of the kingdom and although I was sure, at that moment, that I would be the heir, I did not want to make a mistake. But one day she came and told me "we have to get married".

Ichigo's gaze wandered between his own hands and Rukia's face, trying to understand the emotions she reflected in her eyes.

— Then she started to insist a lot on that subject and it got to a point where I got so angry that the magic went out of control and I hurt her arm when I grabbed her hard. There was a lot of blood everywhere and I tried to heal her but I couldn't, so I took her to my aunt Kirio to help her. Yoruichi was crying because of the pain and I think because of fear, I felt guilty because it was the first time I lost control with her like that. After that, every time she brought it up, saying we should get married, I would get mad at her but somehow we ended up in bed. It was no longer the same feeling as at the beginning, it had become something that I don't know how to explain; like quenching a quick desire or a feeling of violent pleasure.

Ichigo looked away, embarrassed for having said that, and stared at the sea for a second. Rukia was also silent.

— Until I got fed up with that situation, with her insistence and that she wouldn't tell me why she wanted us to get married, so I broke up with her. I told her that I no longer wanted to continue with her and it was better for each of us to continue their lives separately because ours was no longer a relationship; we fought a lot and I got angry easily to the point of yelling at her a couple of times making her cry. — Ichigo felt ashamed of his own words and his behavior with Yoruichi; she didn't deserve it. — The day we broke up, she got mad, I got mad, and I hurt her arms again when I tried to pull her away from me because I knew if I let her get any closer we were going to end up in bed again. That time I didn't help her anymore, I was so upset that I left her injured and bleeding and left there. My mother arrived the next day, I didn't even know she was coming, so I was surprised by her arrival. I talked to her, I explained as much as I knew and she made me take a horse and go with Koga, who was here for reasons I don't quite remember anymore, to join the mercenaries.

Ichigo looked at Rukia, who at that moment didn't seem jealous anymore, but rather intrigued by the situation, and that made Ichigo feel a little relieved.

— With the mercenaries I reached the bottom of the abyss. I was mad at her for ruining everything with her insistence that I didn't even feel guilty about leaving her; remembering her at that moment only brought anger to me. I focused on other things, they tried to get me to be with other women but it was something I didn't want to do, so I started drinking more. It wasn't until the elephant's drunkenness that I decided I couldn't go on like this; that man I was becoming was not me and I did not like it. Then I came back a year later, and when I came back to Avanta, they told me that I would be the Second Prince and that I would have to marry you. I was so mad at my father that I started thinking about how to get rid of Kaien without it looking like my fault. I didn't want to marry you because that meant I accepted my fate and the last thing I wanted was to stay as the Second Prince, until I met you and everything changed.

Ichigo reached out to caress Rukia's cheek gently, afraid that she would reject him but she didn't, instead she closed her eyes and they both enjoyed the caress in silence.

— From the first moment I saw you, you rocked my world. — That confession made Rukia open her eyes just to stare at him. — From the first moment I saw you, I couldn't think of anything that wasn't you. You have no idea how much I wanted to make you mine on the beach, to feel your skin on mine, to feel your lips, to hear you moan; and then I was able to know how you thought, your character, your strength when you hit... — Rukia smiled at that comment. — And hopelessly I became yours. I don't know what you did to me, because all I want now is to be by your side and I can't see my life without you in it.

— Do you still have feelings for her? — Rukia asked holding Ichigo's hand that was still on her cheek.

— The feelings I have for her are towards the memory of when we were children, the friend she was when I was lonely and sad, not the woman she became even though I now know she became that way because of what happened. I didn't hear from her until a few days before our wedding, she wrote me a letter claiming I hadn't invited her, insulting you and wishing our life would turn into hell; blaming me for everything she had suffered and telling me that she would have her revenge. I responded by telling her to leave me alone and that she was free to hate me her whole life if it made her happy. At the time I didn't know what had happened, I just thought it was her anger and hate talking, but now I know and understand better that she is upset with me.

— If you had known that she was pregnant, would you have prevented Queen Masaki from forcing her to lose the pregnancy? — Rukia asked curiously.

— The Ichigo that I was would have tricked her into drinking that tea without her realizing it and then he would have said "it was the will of the Deities".

—

Rukia's emotions had fluttered inside her like bugs, up and down, fluctuating between jealousy and anger every time Ichigo talked about Yoruichi; but also between the sadness of knowing that in reality a child had gone to war and had been forced to grow up fast, creating a mask only to not collapse.

Ichigo once told her "I'm a dangerous man pretending to be a prince" and she didn't hesitate, because deep down she knew it from the way he looked at her and from the way he made her feel. Deep down she knew that the man who gave her the crown of roses and sugar was not the man he appeared to be in front of everyone.

— Would you have been able to do that? — Rukia asked after a moment of silence. — Would you really have made her drink the tea if she had told you?

Ichigo nodded.

— At that time I didn't want children and I couldn't see a future with her even though I made that promise to her. When I say it like that, it sounds pretty cruel of me, but I think that's what I was.

Rukia was silent for a moment thinking about those words, unable to avoid comparing the relationships. Ichigo would have made Yoruichi lose that pregnancy just because he considered it a mistake even though he was sure that he was going to inherit the kingdom, and with her, even if they considered it treason and he hung a sword to his own head, he had promised to get her out of there and give her the quiet life she wanted if she ever accidentally got pregnant.

She couldn't even say that he was doing it out of guilt, because of the son he didn't have and wasn't born, because he didn't even have a clue about that son.

Ichigo got up from the floor and held out his hand for her to do the same. Rukia took his hand and got up from the floor in one fluid motion but stumbled because one of her legs had fallen asleep. Ichigo held her tightly by the waist at that moment.

— This time you don't have to walk down the beach to think. — Ichigo's words made her look up from her sleeping leg, looking at him in confusion. He had a sad expression. — I'll be in the living room fixing the ring, if you want to ask anything else, you can, although I don't know what else to tell you.

— No! — It was the first thing that came out of Rukia's lips fearing that he would leave her alone again. He had left her alone the night before and it was perhaps the worst night of her life. She was still afraid of that distance he put between them.

— Don't you want me to fix the ring? — Ichigo asked confused, not letting go of her hand that she was still holding tightly or letting go of her waist.

— I don't want you to leave me alone. — Rukia replied with a hint of fear in her voice. — I know many times I did, I left your side and left you alone, and now that I know what it feels like, I don't like it. I'm sorry I did, I shouldn't have.

— Everyone needs some time alone to think, my Moon. It's normal. — Ichigo heaved a sigh. — If you want I won't leave your side, we'll stay here in the bedroom, I just have to go get some things I bought to repair the ring. I left them in the living room.

— Do you also need to think? — Rukia asked, slowly letting go of Ichigo's hand, ready to let him out of the bedroom.

Ichigo was silent for a moment and it seemed like an eternity to Rukia.

— Today I remembered many things and told you many things that I had not talked about with anyone, even things that I did not want to talk about again. — Ichigo gave Rukia a guilty smile. — My mind is full of memories now, that's all. I really would have preferred never to talk about her, or see her again or anything, that she would have stayed in the past. — Ichigo looked at the bedroom door. — I'll go for the things I bought, I'll be right back.

— Don't come back. — Rukia whispered feeling that even if they were together at that moment, his mind would be on those memories and not with her. — Think what you should think, I'll stay here and think what I should think, just… just sleep with me at night.

Ichigo nodded at that request, kissed her hand goodbye and left the room.

Rukia swallowed the urge to cry and sat back down on the sidewalk that overlooked the beach. Tatsuki was right, her happiness did not depend on him but undoubtedly she was happy by his side; though at the time that thought seemed hard to sustain.

—

Yoruichi looked at the beach house from one of the corridors, sitting on that low wall that served to prevent accidental falls down that long slope, with a glass of wine and an almost empty bottle, enjoying the breeze that the sea carried. Ichigo had never allowed her to go to the beach house, where he had lived all those years, and it made her angry to know that he was there together with that silly girl.

She, too, had her mind full of memories of those years and the day before.

Yoruichi knew that if she had kissed him, he wouldn't have resisted and they would both have succumbed to passion again; she could see it in his eyes and in the deep way he looked at her. Deep down she hoped he would, but he did not.

She couldn't help but compare the charming Ichigo who seduced her while they were together, with the man she saw the day before, just as she couldn't help but remember that his fury was similar to the one she saw the day they broke up.

That fury scared her.

Ichigo was charming, his smile, the way he looked and the gestures he made when speaking, made him simply charming; he was also cheeky. Many times she saw him talking to a maiden who seemed delighted to have his attention even though she actually looked older than him. The times she tried to make a scene of jealousy, he would either just make the subject drop or tell her it wasn't important, just a maiden, and then kiss her to make her forget the subject and concentrate on other things.

Yoruichi knew how things worked, so she sought out the maid and had her tell her what was going on. The maid confessed that she had never slept with the prince because he was so young, but that the prince had definitely gotten some kisses from her under the guise of "learning to kiss."

When Ichigo turned 15, then it would no longer be forbidden to sleep with him.

When she returned for the dance that Kirio organized, she came prepared; she had talked to her mother about what she wanted and what she intended to do, and her mother had given her advice on what to do and what not to do when she slept with him.

Just remembering that first night made her cheeks warm and she smiled; neither of them knew quite what to do, but when they found out, it became the best thing they could have done.

Ichigo was a scoundrel.

He used to corner her when he saw her and she gave in after a while of refusals just because she liked the way he tried to convince her to kiss him and then end up between her legs. There was so much passion between the two that it was impossible that it could be better. She loved him.

She had steered the conversation to making Ichigo promise that they would get engaged when he was named heir, and that was what she wanted; marry him and become queen. She didn't care if he had affairs or not, she would be the queen and the official wife, so the mistresses and the bastards didn't matter to her. She was the daughter of a concubine in a kingdom where there are no queens, so by marrying him, she would be more than anyone who had come before her.

Yoruichi really fell in love with Ichigo, from the letters that were accompanied by those flowers to the promises, the gestures and the caresses that there were in those months. All of this made her fall in love. So when Kirio suggested the idea of her having a child by him so Ichigo wouldn't refuse to marry her, Yoruichi didn't even think about refusing.

Kirio was the happiest when Yoruichi told her that she thought she was pregnant, and Kirio promised that she would take care of her.

Yoruichi tried to slowly put the idea into Ichigo's mind so they could get married quickly, but he didn't give in and their relationship began to deteriorate as fast as it had started. They'd fight, they'd get mad, and then she'd go up to him, kiss him and make him happy just to make him end up in bed with her.

She didn't want to lose him, she wanted to be with him always, and she had told herself that she would try to convince him a few more times before telling him that she was pregnant and that they would have a child.

Until all that fantasy ended.

— What are you doing here, little sister? — Her older brother's voice snapped her out of her memories before she could continue thinking about Masaki's arrival and what happened next. — You shouldn't be drinking alone.

— I'm just thinking. In that house are Ichigo and that girl he was forced to marry. — Yoruichi replied bitterly.

— You just have to ask and I would kill him myself, I still want to kill him for what he did to you. — Her brother sat down next to her and took the bottle of wine. He also drank some of wine.

— No! I want him for myself, I don't want you to kill him. I love him. — She whispered that last one avoiding looking at her brother, who still couldn't understand everything she felt for Ichigo.

— How can you tell me you love him after the way he treated you?

Her brother still didn't understand her and she didn't intend to talk about it with him again; not at least at that time.

— Also, you saw him fight last night, I told you that magic is real and that they had magic. — Yoruichi quickly changed the subject. — If you face him surely he would kill you and I don't want you to die, you don't have an heir yet. But you could kill that girl or seduce her, whatever it takes to get that marriage broken and he can come back to me.

— What if he rejects you again? Now will you understand that Ichigo is not worth it?

— He won't. He isn't going to reject me because I know him well and I know how to make him want to be with me again, plus I brought some things from our trip that can be useful. — Yoruichi answered with a smile before taking out a small vial filled with a green liquid, carefully sealed with a cork and black wax. — The Jade Witch said so I could lure him to me. I just need you to distract the girl so I can take Ichigo from the party to make him drink this.

— Do you believe that woman? — The disbelief in her brother's voice made her smile. — There are a lot of charlatans in the Dawnlands, maybe they just sold you rotten water and told you what you wanted to hear. You don't know what it is. What if you kill him? You're going to be without a boyfriend.

— Then it will be the best for him, because if he is not for me, he is not for anyone. And much less for that silly girl.

—

Rukia had been thinking about what she and Ichigo had talked about, about what Ichigo had told her about his past and, even though she wanted to hit him because the jealousy appeared uncontrollably, she had to control herself because Ichigo was right; they did not know each other when all that happened. They were strangers in that past and their future was drawn differently for each one.

— What should I do, Tatsuki? — Rukia asked, as Tatsuki helped her untangle her damp hair by candlelight.

— Stop listening to the monster of jealousy, because it doesn't help you at all. You can't waste a bright future because of something that happened a long time ago and especially, that happened when neither you nor the prince had a bond. You like being with him, you love him and he loves you. Why hesitate? — Tatsuki paused, then smiled sheepishly. — I think I empathize with him because I also have a dark past, and more than wanting to be judged and asked "why we did it", we want to be accepted as we are, because we are not perfect. And because in a certain way, we learn from what we were. For example, I know how to please men in bed and so I was able to teach you how to please the prince, and thanks to that, you helped me get out of that life. It would have been nice if after living with my mom and my brother I had gone directly to work in the castle, but for something the Deities made me take that path, maybe I had to learn something, or meet someone who needed me.

Tatsuki said the last bit stroking Rukia's hair, making her understand that the last thing she said was directed at her, and Rukia smiled and felt her heart beat full of gratitude for her words.

— The man he is now was formed from all the experiences he had, do you like the man he is now?

Rukia nodded.

— So, what makes you hesitate? — Rukia bit her inner cheek as she didn't know what to answer. — He chose you, why is your little head doubting the man who is sitting in the living room trying to repair the engagement ring for you? Don't be afraid Kia. He is choosing you, why can't you see it?

When she was left alone, Rukia realized that she was overthinking things. That was her flaw, that she thought things through a lot. Ichigo is patient with her, loves her, respects her, and trusts her to tell her everything he told her about his past, although it was evident how difficult it was for him, why is she hesitating? Why is she afraid of that foreign princess? He could have left the house and looked for the princess, but he didn't, he stayed there, repairing the stone of the engagement ring that she had swallowed for accepting that deal.

Tatsuki was right, she should stop listening to that monster of jealousy because that wasn't helping her at all. She had to trust herself, Ichigo and what they both had. She had chosen him over everything, and he is choosing her now, his present over his past.

He is choosing the future with her.

The bedroom door opened and Ichigo walked in, with wet hair, wearing the pants he slept in and a tired expression. Rukia, who was sitting on the bed, stared at him silently before patting the bed for him to sit next to her. Ichigo really looked tired, like he could fall asleep at any moment and that worried Rukia, because she didn't know if he had slept in the last two days. Every time Ichigo made a display of magic as big as the one in battle, he used to sleep for at least a whole day, recovering the energy he lost at that moment; that was perhaps the only weakness of magic.

Ichigo sat down next to her.

— Since when do you not sleep? — Rukia asked carefully, looking at him and noticing that there were dark circles under his eyes that she hadn't seen in the afternoon. Rukia could almost swear those dark circles weren't there and couldn't help but caress them with the pad of her thumb, wishing she could heal them like he did hers.

Ichigo kissed her fingertips after that caress.

— Since yesterday morning. — Ichigo replied without letting go of her hand, playing with her fingers like he always did. — After the fight with my uncle, I was tired but you woke up the gift and well, that night I couldn't sleep. I heard you cry and although I wanted to go in to comfort you, I couldn't. Your words felt like the time Kaien tore up the map and I started to think about my father's lack of trust, it was a long night; I had my own demons to fight. Sorry for making you cry.

She had doubted him and for a moment forgot that he had been in Vayalat because his own father preferred to believe Kaien than him. The guilt fell on her even colder than water in winter and everything else seemed minimal compared to the pain she had caused Ichigo in the soul.

All for a map. Ichigo was what he was, because of a damn map.

— I didn't want to… I'm sorry… — Rukia started to apologize again.

— It's okay. — Ichigo really looked tired.

— It's not okay! — Rukia stood up causing Ichigo to follow her with his eyes. — I'm a terrible person!

— What? No! You are not! — Ichigo got up from the bed and gently held her shoulders before she began to walk around the room like last time.

— Of course I am! I was thinking about so many things, I was jealous, I was scared and I didn't realize that I hurt you with what I said. — Rukia looked Ichigo in the eyes, feeling how desperation ran through her. Her hands were shaking. — It's like you've given me a dagger, knowing I can hurt you with it, and yet you hope I won't… but I did. I hurt you! Not only physically, but also your soul. I'm a danger to you! How can I touch you now without hurting you?!

Desperation was wreaking havoc inside Rukia without her being able to control it.

— Rukia, breathe. — Ichigo held her with a little force but without hurting her. — My love, look at me. Breathe. Breathe with me, my rose. Breathe. Repeat after me, "In the clearing, at dawn..."

Ichigo made her repeat the prayer with him in the language of dawn a couple of times until she slowly calmed down and that internal chaos dissipated like mist at dawn. Rukia looked at Ichigo, who kept looking at her, and she slowly nodded, assuring him that she was calm.

— In the afternoon I kissed you and you didn't hurt me. — Ichigo whispered, making sure Rukia was calm. Rukia remembered that kiss, the way he seduced her and how willing she was to be seduced. — My Moon, trust yourself, because I do it. I trust you. Don't think so much about what happened, it's okay, not everything has to be perfect between us; perfection doesn't exist.

— But…

Rukia felt how Ichigo took her by the hand and took her with him to the bed to sit down again, he kissed her hand gently and let out a sigh; again Rukia saw how tired he was and thought that maybe he was using the gift to stay awake despite being really tired.

— No buts, everything is fine. Do you believe me when I say I love you? — He asked softly without letting go of her hand. Rukia nodded slowly. — Do you believe me when I say that you are the only woman I want to be with for the rest of my life? — Rukia again nodded. — That's the only thing that matters to me. I talked to Koga in the morning...

— He is here? Was it his messenger who came? — Rukia asked softly, caressing Ichigo's fingers with her own; expressing that fear she felt in the morning when Tatsuki informed her that Ichigo had gone out. Ichigo nodded slowly.

— He will come to the party tomorrow. — Ichigo added slowly. Rukia felt calmer at that moment. — I talked to him and he said something that makes a lot of sense to me. He told me "don't let mistrust grow between the two of you, because once it grows, it never stops." Forget that you hurt me and I'll forget the hurt, it's not something worth keeping. Also, it would take up unnecessary space and remember, we have an eternity left together and there will be better memories to cherish than these little disagreements. For example, when we finally dominate the world and form an empire. — Ichigo commented with an amused voice making her smile. — Are we okay, my Moon?

Rukia was silent, looking into Ichigo's eyes for a long moment, looking at how tired he was and at the same time looking at the love he had for her. She nodded to what he said once more and squeezed his hand gently.

Rukia felt her heart beat again with that confidence that he gave her.

— We are okay, my Sun. — All jealousy and fear could go to hell, she loved Ichigo and she wanted him with her. She had a lot to learn, she couldn't deny that, but she had to grow and learn fast or she would ruin their relationship herself. — I trust you, my love, I trust myself, and I trust what we have.

— That's the only thing that matters, my Moon. — Ichigo hugged her tightly and Rukia returned his hug, breathing in the scent of clean on Ichigo's skin, feeling happy and complete. — I'm yours, my love, and there is nothing in this world that will change that.

Special regards to diah77, jobananasan, and Guest. Thanks to everyone who keeps reading this crazy story.

I'll upload the next chapter as soon as it's ready.

Author's note: The Dawnlands are closer than the Jade Lands, but the religions on that continent converge. The cult of the Shadow was born in the Dawnlands, that's why the language of the prayers that Ichigo uses is that. The cult of the Nameless Gods is from the Jade Lands, and yes, there are temples there in the Lands of Dawn as well.

Remember Kaien's mom?