AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm so sorry it's taken so long for me to update this. The chapter was almost halfway written and then I caught COVID (along with my entire household) and could barely form a coherent sentence, let alone write anything that made sense.

But now that I'm not hacking up a lung and sleeping the day away every day, I'm back to it. I hope you guys like this chapter, and I can't wait for you to read the next one.

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter/X. I'm @upsteadchick on there. Tweet (or whatever it's called now) me or DM me, and don't forget I take prompts for my prompt series!

see you guys next time

Katy

Chapter Two

Jay

I need help.

Jay's hands began to shake when he heard those three words from his wife through the phone.

It was truly incredible how three little words sent him into a complete and total spiral, although truthfully, he was already in one and had been since he'd gotten word of Hailey's kidnapping the moment he set foot back inside the wire.

Alongside the panic, Jay felt a type of guilt he'd never felt in his life. Since he met Hailey, and especially since they had started dating, he had felt a lot of different feelings he'd never felt. Nearly all of them were a good type of different until now.

The guilt and panic combined felt like a vise around his throat.

Truthfully, Jay had felt immeasurable guilt since the day he left for Bolivia. Even though he knew he was becoming someone he hated, someone he didn't even recognize, and he knew that he had to change before it was too late, leaving a nearly-hysterical Hailey had damn near ripped his fucking heart out. Seeing her red face and the tears streaming down her cheeks in a constant stream had made him feel a type of heartbreak that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy.

The guilt was immediate.

He wondered frequently in Bolivia — especially lying in bed at night — how long Hailey had cried after he left that day, and how much she had cried since. He found himself wondering at two, three, sometimes four in the morning if Hailey was crying right that second, or if she had already cried so much she had nothing left. The guilt — and worry — would hit him right in the gut and nearly bring on a panic attack.

But this guilt? This guilt was entirely different, and it was eating him alive, burning in his stomach like acid as he made his way out of O'Hare to a taxi, legs shaking and heart hammering in his chest.

I need help.

Jay didn't know a ton about what had happened. All he'd been told was that his wife had been kidnapped while he was outside the wire, and had been found before he was even back in. Nothing about who, exactly, had taken her or if she was injured, and if so, how badly. Jay knew hundreds of things merely stemming from whatever had happened could be the reason Hailey needed help.

Or it could have absolutely nothing to do with what had happened, which seemed unlikely but not impossible. Not knowing what was wrong and how bad it was was killing him, as was the guilt that came with knowing that his wife had tried to call him before her kidnapping and gotten no answer. A call from Hailey, followed by calls from numerous other members of Intelligence had shown up on his screen once he was back inside the wire, and he'd immediately felt sick.

He had read the texts they had sent and listened to the voicemails they'd left, and with each one, it was obvious the situation had gotten more and more dire. One of the voicemails mentioned something about one of Jay's CIs, but he had been waiting to fly out of Bolivia when he'd listened to that message, and by then nothing mattered except for getting to Hailey.

And now, as he climbed into the taxi that was waiting for him and rattled off their address shakily, that was still all that mattered, even more so now. He had to get to Hailey.

They would sort out the rest later.

He assumed that Hailey was at their house, but he couldn't be sure, and he didn't like that kind of uncertainty when he knew she needed help. So with shaking hands, he clicked on Will's contact in his phone and put it to his ear.

When Will answered, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Jay? What the hell?" His voice was laced with pure shock, and another emotion Jay couldn't identify (and right now, he didn't care to).

"Will, is Hailey there?"

There was a few seconds of silence before his brother spoke again. "No, Jay, she isn't. Why? What's going on? And where the hell-"

Jay clenched his fist tight around the handle of his duffel bag, letting out a sharp breath of frustration. "Dammit, Will, Hailey needs help. I heard about what happened two days ago, and I need you to fill me in on her injuries later, but I called her just now from O'Hare and all she said was 'I need help.' I wanted to make sure she wasn't at Med before I went to our place."

This time, no silence on Will's end. "Shit. I'll get an ambo to your place."

"Thanks, Will." Jay ended the call before his brother could respond and clenched his phone tightly in his hand.

The taxi was about two blocks away from their house when Jay decided to try dialing Hailey's number, expecting to get no answer but hoping like hell anyway.

Suddenly, the line stopped ringing and he could hear a commotion on the other end, something that sounded like a cross between a groan and a whimper.

"Hails?"

…

Hailey

Whether she came to on her own or her cell phone ringing again somehow yanked her to consciousness, Hailey wasn't sure. All she knew was that when she weakly accepted the call and managed to put the phone on speaker, it was her husband's voice on the other end of the line.

"Hails?"

At first, hearing Jay's voice brought more confusion to an already-confusing situation. She was on the floor of their home, laying on her side, head spinning and vision partially blacked out. The pain in her head was intense — too intense.

Even in her confused state, she knew this wasn't normal concussion pain. It was between her eyes and it was throbbing and white-hot.

Something is wrong.

Something is so, so wrong.

And that's the first thing she said when she answered Jay. "J-Jay… someth-thing is wr-wrong." She could tell the words weren't coming out correctly; she could hear it even through her pulse pounding in her ears.

"I know, babe. I'm coming, okay? Just hold on."

Even through all the confusion and pain and static in her head, Hailey could hear how frantic Jay's voice was. And the fact that it was Jay's voice she was hearing made the whole thing — whatever the hell was happening — seem like a hallucination.

And if that's what this was, it was fucking cruel.

Two, three, then four minutes passed with Hailey unable to get a coherent word out and Jay on the other end of the line, reminding her that he was almost there.

Part of her still didn't believe that she was even actually hearing Jay's voice, let alone that said voice was telling her he was on his way home.

She was creeping closer and closer towards unconsciousness when she heard a rattling noise, followed by footsteps, and then, her husband's voice was no longer coming through her phone's speaker.

It was coming from right beside her.

…

Jay

Jay thought he knew true terror. He had done two tours in Afghanistan and between that and Bolivia, he had seen things no one should ever see, things that would never leave his memory as long as he lived.

But no, true terror for him was seeing his wife on her side on the floor of their home, her skin more pale than he's ever seen on a living human being, her blonde hair stuck to her face by sweat or tears or both, eyes only half-open.

If he didn't know better, Jay would have thought Hailey was dead.

He didn't even remember dropping his bags, but he knew he did because of the loud thud that came just before the thuds of his heavy boots smacking against the floor as he ran over to Hailey.

Dropping to his knees, Jay moved Hailey's soaked blonde locks off her face and gently turned her head slightly towards him. His heart broke when he saw the dried tear tracks on her cheeks and her cell phone still lit up beside her head.

Pushing his emotions down the best he could, he stroked his wife's forehead with his fingertips, his hands shaking despite his best efforts to keep them steady. "Hailey." He said her name at a normal volume, trying to get her more alert without raising his voice and potentially scaring her even more than she already was. "Babe, can you hear me?"

It partially worked — she turned her head more towards him, towards his voice, and Jay couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of relief that she could even hear him.

But her eyes were still only partially open and what Jay could see of them was glassy and unfocused. Her breathing was shallow and slow, and when he took her left hand in his right, it was cold and clammy.

"Hailey, baby, I need you to wake up for me," he said in a voice that he struggled to keep both loud enough to rouse her but still gentle enough not to startle her. "An ambulance is coming. I need you to stay with me. I'm right here." He stroked her cheekbone — which he swore was more prominent than when he'd left — with the thumb of his left hand, the calloused pad of it tracing the delicate skin over and over, back and forth.

Relief crashed through Jay full-force this time when her eyelids fluttered and her beautiful blue eyes opened the rest of the way. They were still unfocused, but they were open, and they were looking at him.

He'd take it, considering he had thought she was fucking dead when he first walked in.

Almost immediately, Hailey's brow furrowed and confusion settled in her features. Jay didn't have to ask or guess what was confusing her; he knew it was the fact that he was here, above her, holding her hand and talking to her.

The more he watched her, he couldn't tell if the expression was one of confusion or disbelief. Maybe both.

Probably both.

The first thing out of Hailey's mouth confirmed that. "Jay?" Her voice was hoarse and, like the hand that was enclosed in his, trembling.

Jay nodded his head, trying his damnedest to keep his emotions in check. "Yeah, baby, it's me. You're alright." His voice was surprisingly steady, and he knew that was because his need to keep Hailey calm overpowered anything and everything else.

But inside, he was spiraling with panic, because his wife was not alright, despite his reassurances to her that she was.

He wanted so badly to ask her what had happened and what was wrong, but he refused to bombard her with questions right now, even if he thought she could even accurately answer him (which he didn't).

All Jay knew as he looked down at Hailey was that he had to take this one minute at a time, and in this minute, his goal was to keep Hailey awake and alive, and make sure she knew she was safe.

From the moment he had walked in the door and seen her lying on the floor, he'd felt the innate urge to pull her into his arms. That had always been his go-to way of comforting her — even before they were dating, let alone married — and the urge to do so had never been as strong as it was in that moment.

"N-not real."

The words were a hoarse whisper and Jay barely heard them as they slipped from Hailey's lips, and frankly, he wished he hadn't. They made his heart ache.

He sure as hell didn't have to ask her what she meant.

Finally, Jay couldn't fight the urge to hold Hailey anymore, not when he had waited months that had felt like years to do it, and not when she was clearly sick, disoriented, and had tear tracks streaking her face.

He moved towards her slowly, putting a hand on her shoulder and rolling her off of her side, fully onto her back. That's when the light from a lamp that was on near the couch illuminated her face, and his heart cracked a little more.

There was still the tiniest bit of blood caked along Hailey's hairline, though Jay knew there had been much more that she'd washed off, judging by the injuries he could plainly see on her face.

The visible injuries alone made him nauseous. Both of her lips were split on the left-hand side, her right cheek was scraped, there was a laceration on her forehead, and more blood she hadn't been able to clean off was caked in the creases on both sides of her nose, which had obviously taken a hit.

He didn't even want to think about the injuries she had that he couldn't see, and he didn't get a chance to before Hailey coughed harshly, followed by a gag that racked her entire upper body, causing her to wince in pain. Panic filled her face and Jay fought his own panic as he sat her up with one hand on the middle of her back and the other supporting her head.

Jay didn't even have time to register what was happening before Hailey had turned her head away from him and was vomiting on the floor beside them, choking violently.

With his heart hammering in his chest and fear nearly knocking the air from his lungs, Jay wrapped one arm around Hailey's middle to support her as she retched and held her hair back with his free hand.

"You're alright, Hails," he murmured as she heaved, unable to stop himself from cringing when she started to throw up nothing but stomach acid. Jay could feel her stomach muscles seizing and contracting over and over, and he could tell it was painful by the way Hailey was curling in on herself.

After what felt like an eternity of Hailey's body slumped against Jay's arm with her coughing from the acidity of the bile (and Jay wondering where the fuck the ambulance was), Hailey collapsed back against his body where he had positioned himself directly behind her.

Jay grabbed a Kleenex from the coffee table and gently wiped Hailey's mouth with it as her head lolled back against him, being mindful of the cuts on her lips.

When he looked down into her eyes, Jay wasn't met with the glazed-over, unfocused look that he had expected. Her eyes were wide open now and, while they were full of sadness and exhaustion, they were trained directly on him and more alert than he figured she was capable of currently.

Frankly, there were so many different emotions swirling in Hailey's eyes and in her expression that Jay couldn't even pinpoint just one.

All he knew was she looked extremely confused and disbelief was written all over her face. Not a single word of explanation was needed for Jay to know why she was confused, and why she couldn't believe what was in front of her. "Yeah, babe, it's me. I'm here, and I'm real. An ambulance is coming, too." He stroked her hair off her forehead again, and her eyes briefly fluttered closed at the feeling of his fingers on her skin. "Can you tell me what's going on? Are you hurt?"

Truthfully, Jay felt stupid the second the words are you hurt left his mouth because, right now, that was an extremely loaded question. He knew she was hurt, in a lot of different ways.

It killed him to know that Hailey was in pain at all, but to know that he was the cause of most of it?

To say it devastated him was putting it mildly.

Hailey coughed hard, her entire body shaking in Jay's arms with the force of it. Her breathing was still shallow and labored, and the cough had made it even worse.

She swallowed noticeably and brought a trembling hand up to her forehead. "The c-concussion… Someth-thing isn't right, Jay," she stuttered, words slurred and voice hoarse.

Nodding his head, Jay leaned down and kissed Hailey's forehead before tugging her into his chest. He was relieved when she not only let him but even burrowed into him, fingers grasping his shirt as tightly as she was capable of.

Jay had been longing to hold her for eight months, but definitely not like this.

Never like this. He never wanted to see her like this ever again.

He easily recalled thinking that exact thing after Hailey was hurt in the truck explosion the day Anna was killed, when he'd had to hold his wife down in that parking lot with blood dripping from her head. Then before that, he'd thought it the night she'd jumped into the Chicago River and he'd cradled her in his arms even the following night as she had nightmares about the woman she couldn't save and the criminal she unintentionally had saved instead.

He was realizing now that he'd thought that countless times, since long before they were married or even dating.

A whimper from Hailey stopped the shittiest trip down memory lane that Jay had ever been on. He snapped his head down to look at her, and his heart fell when he saw her lip trembling and her eyes glassy with tears.

He cradled her closer, trying not to squeeze too tightly despite his urge to do so. "Hey, Hails, it's alright," he whispered against the skin of her temple as he stroked her hair with his other hand. "You're gonna be okay. I'm right here. Help is coming."

Hailey merely nodded and leaned into him further. They sat there like that for a good two or three more minutes before they finally heard a pounding on the front door. Hailey flinched and Jay shushed her. "It's the paramedics," he told her, feeling her body tense. He put a hand over one of her ears and pressed the other ear against his chest before yelling, "Come in!"

The house was very quickly flooded with EMTs, and Jay was relieved that Sylvie and Violet were two of them. He knew Hailey was familiar with them and would hopefully feel as comfortable with them as she could possibly feel right now.

He had a feeling that true comfort wasn't something Hailey had felt much since he left, and that thought alone nearly broke him.

As he watched paramedics flood their living room, Jay felt sick, and as they took a scared, disoriented Hailey from his arms, he heard his name slip from her lips and his heart nearly stopped.

"Jay?" Her tone was urgent and fear-filled and it had Jay at her side in seconds as Sylvie and Violet loaded her onto a stretcher. The fact that Hailey wasn't fighting them said a lot on its own.

He took Hailey's hand and enclosed it tightly in his, swallowing the lump in his throat as he looked down at her. He could tell she was starting to fade out again, her eyelids fluttering and eyes barely open. "Yeah, babe, I'm here. I'm not leaving you."

Hailey merely nodded as Violet placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, and Jay felt her squeeze his hand ever-so-slightly.

As Jay followed them out to Ambulance 61, all he could think was:

Correction — I'm not leaving you again.

…

Hailey lost consciousness twice in the ambulance, threw up once, and kept repeating that she couldn't feel her toes.

Sylvie Brett seemed extremely concerned by that; Jay was concerned because Sylvie was concerned. Truthfully, he had no idea what that meant, but he knew it couldn't be good.

Hailey kept a tight hold on Jay's hand every second of the ride, as if she were afraid he would slip away from her again. He reassured her over and over that he wasn't going anywhere and continuously stroked her hair with his free hand, even when she was barely conscious.

When she lost consciousness the second time, Jay looked up at Sylvie with wide eyes. "What's happening?" he asked urgently, the worry and panic he was feeling evident in his tone.

Sylvie briefly put a reassuring hand on Jay's shoulder. "It's most likely her head injury from two days ago, but her oxygen and BP are also extremely low. I honestly can't say for sure."

Jay merely nodded and stared down at his wife, whose eyelids were starting to flutter. Before her eyes were even open, she was saying his name. "Jay?" It was quiet and it was hoarse, but he heard it clear as day.

"Yeah, honey, I'm here. I'm right here with you." He very rarely called her honey, but it slipped out right then and he could've sworn he saw a tiny, fleeting smile flicker across her face.

Hailey squeezed his fingers and sucked in a shaky breath. "Please don't leave."

It was only three words, but they brought a flood of emotion Jay didn't expect. He shook his head and brought Hailey's hand to his lips. "I'm not leaving, Hails. I'll never leave you again." He pressed his lips to the back of her hand and let them linger there on her skin as tears filled his eyes.

Hailey's hand remained in Jay's for the rest of the ride and by the time they got to the ED, Hailey was unconscious again, which Jay became grateful for when they separated his hand from hers to whisk her off to be examined.

Had she been conscious, he knew she would've been confused and scared, and she'd had enough of both of those emotions in the last eight months to last a lifetime. He even found himself praying to a God he wasn't sure he believed in that she stayed knocked out until he could be by her side again.

Luckily, she did. The doctor who came out 45 minutes later to update Jay was, luckily, his brother, who hugged him tighter than he ever had in their entire lives.

Jay could tell that Will wanted to ask him how he was and probably a slew of other questions he didn't feel like answering, but luckily, Will knew that his sister-in-law was all that mattered to Jay right now and immediately launched into an update.

"Hailey's head injury is worse than we realized when she came in after…" Will trailed off awkwardly and Jay nodded and waved his hand, indicating for Will to move on. "We thought it was just a concussion, or a mild traumatic brain injury, but she checked herself out AMA, so we didn't have a chance to truly diagnose that."

When Jay heard AMA, his eyes widened. "She left against medical advice?"

Will nodded, pinching the bridge of his nose. "She did. I wasn't there when she checked herself out or I would've stopped her, or at least tried."

"Yeah, right," Jay scoffed, shaking his head. "Even I couldn't have stopped her, Will. She hates hospitals and she hates people worrying about her. She could've had a bullet hole in her body and still found a way to leave."

Will let out a dry but genuine laugh, because he knew it was true. "True. She would've. I just wish I could've stopped her somehow." He took a deep breath and blew it out sharply before shifting back into doctor mode. "Anyway, when we examined her just now, one of her pupils was blown, which usually indicates a moderate TBI — worse than a simple concussion — and that's exactly what it is. The scans we just took show it. And there's one more thing I want you to hear from me and not someone else."

Jay's heart dropped to his feet. "What, Will?"

Will rubbed the back of his neck; a nervous tell that Jay has become known for also. "She had a seizure before I got there… a pretty bad one. We stopped it with Ativan. That's another common moderate TBI symptom so it's nothing unusual, but I thought you should know, just in case it happens again."

Jay shivered and the knot in his throat got even bigger at the image of Hailey seizing, surrounded by people who weren't him or Will or anyone else she drew comfort from flashed through his head.

He just hoped she hadn't been aware of what was happening.

Jay nodded, swallowing hard. "What other symptoms do I need to look out for? She said in the ambulance that she couldn't feel her toes. She kept repeating it."

"Memory loss is a major one for a moderate TBI. She may have huge holes in her memory, or she may have no memory loss at all. Numbness in fingers or toes is common, too." Will shrugged and looked at Jay apologetically. "I wish I had more answers for you. I really do. But we won't know the full extent of anything, really, until she wakes up."

Jay took a deep, shaky breath and blew it out slowly, raking a hand through his hair. "She scared the shit out of me, man." He was pretty sure the image of Hailey laying on the floor, white as a sheet, covered in tears and sweat would stick in his mind forever.

"I'm sure. Hell of a thing to come home to." Will clapped Jay on the shoulder and smiled warmly at him. "But still… Welcome home. I doubt anyone has said that to you yet."

Jay shook his head, smiling as much as he could muster. "They haven't had a chance. I just wish it hadn't taken my wife nearly being killed to bring me back." He cleared his throat, trying to push down the emotion that was bringing tears to his eyes. "Can you tell me about her injuries when she was brought in after they found her? I'm afraid she won't be honest about it, and I need to know how bad it was."

Almost fifteen minutes later, Jay wished he hadn't asked. Hearing what Hailey had come in with made him envision what she'd been through (and it was probably even worse than what he was imagining), and he felt like he was about to vomit or cry or maybe both.

A two-pronged mark from a taser.

Contusions to her head, stomach, and other random parts of her body.

Bruising on her neck from attempted strangulation.

The severe injury to her head that had caused what Jay had walked in on.

A split lip and bloody nose from being kicked or punched in the face (he didn't want to know which).

When Jay could speak again, he interrupted his brother. "Any evidence of-" He couldn't even finish the sentence, couldn't say the words sexual assault when it was Hailey they were talking about.

Luckily, Will knew what Jay was asking and immediately shook his head. "No. None."

Jay breathed out a massive sigh of relief, knowing that of all the things that happened to Hailey that day, being sexually assaulted would have been the one that would haunt her the most.

Finally, Jay decided he'd heard enough. Anything else he needed to know, he'd get from Hailey when she was ready to talk about it.

He sighed deeply, running his hand over his face. "Can I see her?"

…

Hailey

Cold.

Hailey's eyes weren't even open yet and she had no fucking clue where she was but god, she was cold.

Her head was pounding relentlessly and her throat burned. She moved her fingers, and underneath them was what felt like bed sheets, but they were stiff and crisp and horribly unpleasant against her skin. This definitely wasn't her — their? — bed, and she definitely wasn't in their house.

"Hails?"

And that sure as hell wasn't Jay's voice. It couldn't be. Could it?

And then, there was a hand on top of hers, and she knew. She would know Jay's hands anywhere. They were slightly calloused but so unbelievably gentle. They had protected her, comforted her, roamed her body, and made her feel pleasure she didn't even know was possible.

She knew his hands better than she had ever known anyone's anything, and she didn't need to open her eyes to know that one of them was covering hers right now.

But how?

As if he'd heard her thoughts and therefore her complete and utter confusion, Jay's voice piped up again from directly to her right. "Hailey, it's me. You're okay."

Hailey could feel his thumb rubbing over her knuckles, back and forth, over and over, and she hated herself for the way it sent a shockwave straight through her. Her eyes weren't even open yet, for fuck's sake, and he already was affecting parts of her body that he hadn't for a long, long time.

Way too long.

Hailey's left hand gripped the sheets as if grasping for purchase or trying to ground herself. Her hand touched what she knew was a bedrail, and it hit her.

She was in the hospital, and Jay was somehow with her. But why?

The last thing she remembered was waiting for Kim and then her phone ringing. She remembered hearing Jay's voice, but that didn't explain how or why he was here. There was a giant gap in her memory and she fucking hated it.

Hailey ignored her pounding head and the bright lights she could see even through her eyelids and finally pried her eyes open, flinching at the harsh fluorescents above her. The smell of antiseptic and something else she couldn't — and didn't want to — identify filled her nose.

She felt a squeeze to her right hand again and turned her aching head, flinching at the movement but not giving a shit, because when her burning eyes finally focused, there he was.

Jay was home. For how long and for what reason, she didn't know, but honestly, she couldn't possibly have cared less in that moment.

The look on Jay's face nearly broke Hailey. Her blue eyes met his blue-green ones in person for the first time in eight fucking months, and she watched as they filled with tears. Immediately, hers followed suit, as if she hadn't cried enough tears in even the last 24 hours to last a lifetime.

The first emotion Hailey felt, besides confusion, was (not surprisingly) anger.

Anger that Jay had extended his contract without saying a word to her.

Anger that Jay never answered her calls and she never knew whether he was alive or dead.

Anger that Jay had passed on his CI to her and she'd ended up being tased, had her head slammed into the concrete, been tied up so tightly in a dingy, disgusting bathroom that she still had ligature marks on her wrists… and more she didn't even want to think about, because she'd thought too much about it already.

Anger that Jay hadn't even called once he was back inside the wire, despite the calls and texts she knew he had received from her before the kidnapping and from members of Intelligence — and probably Trudy — after she went missing.

And if she was being honest, anger that Jay had even left her in the first place.

But part of her hoped he couldn't see the anger in her eyes — not when he was looking at her like he was. He was looking at her like she he loved her more than anything on Earth and that she was the only thing he cared about, and despite the fact that he left her for eight months for fucking Bolivia and basically cut ties with her for a lot of that time, she knew deep down that those things were true.

He did love her more than anything, and she was the only thing he cared about. She may have forgotten that or doubted it at times, but it was so very clear looking at him now.

And no matter what he'd said or done, or not said or done, Hailey loved him more than anything, too, and she cared about him more than she had ever cared about anyone in her life. Even the anger and hurt she felt towards him right now could never erase that.

Finally, after looking away from Jay and clearing her throat, Hailey finally spoke. "How, Jay? How are you here? And… why?" Her voice was hoarse and her throat stung when she talked. That just made the black hole that was her memory of how she'd gotten to Med even bigger.

"I heard about what happened with the Byers kid," Jay told her with a shaky sigh. She could tell he was on the verge of full-blown tears and she desperately wanted to look at him, but she was afraid if she did, she would fall apart, too. "Hailey, I'm so goddamn sorry. You could've been killed and I couldn't even answer the phone."

Hailey looked down at her left side to distract herself from wanting to look at Jay and saw that she had an IV in her left hand. What was in it, God only knew, and honestly, she didn't even care. Right now, she cared about her husband and what he was doing there.

She nodded, fiddling with a crease in the bed sheets, biting the inside of her cheek. "Yeah, well… Not the first time you haven't answered the phone lately, Jay." The words weren't meant to be hateful, but they came out that way, curt and filled with bitterness, and Hailey winced. "I'm sorry. That's not what matters right now. What matters is you're here now. And I'm fine."

Truthfully, Hailey knew she wasn't fine at all, but she wasn't dead, and she had no doubt that that's what Jay had thought when he read that she'd been taken.

She looked back at Jay and saw him drop his head, shaking it so subtly she almost missed it. "Don't be sorry, Hailey. God, please don't be sorry. You don't have a single thing to be sorry for. You're right… I haven't been answering when I should've, but it wasn't for the reason you think. I wasn't purposefully ignoring you." He looked back up at her and locked his eyes with hers, and she knew he was telling the truth.

Now it was Hailey's turn to shake her head. "You don't need to explain right now, Jay. Really. I want to hear it later, but right now, just tell me: are you staying? And if not, when are you leaving?"

Jay reached up with the hand that wasn't holding hers and swiped it across his eyes, then dropped it back to his lap. Hailey could see the exhaustion and worry and sadness written all over his face, and it killed her.

"I'm done. I'm home, and I'm staying."

Seven words. Seven words and Hailey finally crumbled. The tears that had filled her eyes earlier were joined by even more, all of which poured down her cheeks, and even though it hurt her head and basically every part of her face, she squeezed them shut tight and covered her face with her free hand as she cried.

She had waited to hear those very words for so long, and now, she was hearing them with Jay sitting next to her, not over the phone or through someone else.

Obviously, she wished it hadn't taken her nearly being murdered for him to come home, but he was home. Her husband was home, safe and alive. What brought him home suddenly seemed — temporarily — insignificant.

"Baby…" Jay crooned, tugging her hand away from her face, being careful to avoid the IV. It was her left hand he'd grabbed, and briefly, fear shot through her at the idea that he'd probably just seen her bare ring finger. But if he did, he didn't make it obvious. "Hails, you're safe now. I'm home and you're safe and I'm so fucking sorry." With a shaky hand, he reached up and swiped some of the tears off Hailey's cheeks, but they just kept falling.

Even through her tear-blurred vision, Hailey could see that there were tears on Jay's face, too. The intense anger she felt even a minute before melted away.

It was unbelievably clear just by looking at him that the amount of guilt Jay felt far outweighed any anger Hailey could ever have towards him.

With more tears replacing the ones Jay had just wiped away, Hailey didn't trust herself to speak yet, even though there was still so much more to say on both of their ends. Jay was holding both her hands between his and it took her a moment to realize that he was staring down at them.

Hailey's heart fell to her feet as she realized he must have finally seen her missing wedding band. But then he began tracing his thumb over her right wrist, and that's when it hit her that he was seeing the ligature marks for the first time. They were red and angry-looking still, and damn it if she didn't suddenly wish it were her bare ring finger he was staring at.

Hailey pulled her arms from Jay's grip but it was obvious by his facial expression that he'd already taken them in.

"Jay, it's fine. I'm alright." She slipped her wrists underneath the stiff, coarse sheet and watched Jay take in what he'd just seen. He was still looking down at his hands as though hers were still there. When he looked back up at her, Jay looked haunted.

Hailey knew the look well; she had seen it on her own face every single time she looked in the mirror for the last eight months.

Jay scrubbed his hand over his face and blew out a shaky breath. "No, Hailey, it's not fine." There was no venom in his tone, but he certainly got the point across that he wasn't buying a single one of her reassurances. "Ligature marks — or any marks — on you are not fine; not with me. And you're in a fucking hospital bed. Clearly, you're not alright."

Before Hailey could respond — though frankly she didn't know what she would've even said, because he was right — he continued. "Not to mention that I found you nearly unconscious on the floor with your eyes only half open and watched as you almost choked on your own vomit. There is not a damn thing fine or alright about any of this, Hailey." With each word, his voice had gotten louder, and by the end, he was as close to yelling at her as she'd ever heard him, and he was clenching the bedsheet tightly in his hand.

"I know. You're right." And he was, but Hailey couldn't take her eyes off his white-knuckle grip on the sheet, just adjacent to her right leg. She knew he wasn't angry with her and that he probably didn't even realize he was practically yelling, but it was so not the Jay she knew, and it was startling.

Before she could rip them away, he followed her eyes to his hand and released the sheet immediately, opting to put his hand on the bed rail instead. "Shit. I'm sorry," he murmured, moving his other hand to rest on her thigh.

"You've been saying that a lot." Hailey's eyes were fixed on her lap now, on his hand now resting on her leg, gentle as ever.

"I know I have. That's because I truly am, and I need you to know that."

"I do know that," Hailey assured him, and it was the truth. She knew he was sorry, and no matter how angry she was at him, it did neither of them a damn bit of good to make him feel even worse. "I don't blame you. Not for this."

She didn't need to add that she blamed him for a lot of other things, but not what had been done to her.

After a few moments of silence came the question Hailey had been dreading. "What did they do to you?"

Hailey sighed deeply but shakily and brought a hand up to her forehead, rubbing the spot between her eyes where the headache had been and still was. "How m-"

Suddenly, Hailey's hospital room door slid open and in walked Dr. Will Halstead, also known as her brother-in-law, who gave her a reassuring smile and examined the numbers on the monitors above her head.

She breathed a sigh of relief that she didn't have to explain her experience right then. She wished she didn't ever have to, but she knew she would. It was inevitable. Jay would want to know what she'd been through so he knew how to help her.

But for now, she was off the hook.

Thanks, Will.

…

Jay

Jay sat quietly with Hailey's hand in his, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles, which calmed him as much as he hoped it calmed her.

Will had just brought her back to her room after doing a scan on her bruised abdomen, and Hailey had fallen asleep within minutes of being back in the room with Jay by her side, likely the result of whatever was coursing through her veins courtesy of the IV that was shoved into her hand (she hated IVs going into her hand and Jay knew it).

Jay studied his wife closely for the first time since he'd been home. Even sound asleep, she looked exhausted and completely depleted. It was clear by the bags underneath her eyes that she hadn't been sleeping, and he knew good and well she wasn't eating nearly enough.

Knowing he was the reason his wife hadn't been sleeping or eating made Jay nauseous.

Kim had called him, completely frantic, telling him she went to their place to have dinner with Hailey and found the door unlocked with no one home. Jay told her what had happened and, through tears, she told him she'd update everyone.

She'd ended the call with a welcome home that made Jay emotional, and he realized then that he'd missed the team almost as much as he'd missed Hailey.

But the way he had missed Hailey had been unlike anything Jay had ever felt. He'd missed her so much it had made him physically ache. It would keep him awake all hours of the night, and he'd cried more than he would ever admit to anyone — even Hailey.

Crying herself, Kim said she would update the team and Trudy, and Jay could hear sniffling on the other end of the line when Kim ended the call.

Jay put his phone back in his pocket and turned back to Hailey, who was obviously still sound asleep, her head flopped down at an awkward angle that made Jay's neck hurt just looking at her.

Quietly and with gentle hands, he put his hands on either side of Hailey's face and gently straightened it, shockingly without waking her; she didn't stir even a little.

Jay sat back down and pulled her hand back between his, bringing it up to his lips. "I'm so sorry, Hailey," he whispered against her skin. "I'm so fucking sorry for everything — for leaving you, for not taking your calls, for what happened with that damn Byers kid…" He trailed off, wiping a fresh tear as it fell. "I've caused you so much pain, and I'll never, ever forgive myself for it. I just hope I haven't ruined us forever."

Jay let his words hang in the air between them for a while, keeping Hailey's hand between his, half-wishing she had heard him but also hoping she hadn't, because he didn't want her to hear or see him cry. He'd been trying to keep calm and level-headed for her since the second he'd gotten home, knowing that if he kept calm, Hailey would be more likely to do the same.

It was something he'd learned years ago when they were first partnered together, and it had served him well.

Jay was nodding off against Hailey's bed rail, her hand still grasped in his, when he heard Hailey's voice. "You haven't."

Jay's head snapped up and he saw Hailey looking at him, eyes sleepy, a sad smile on her face. "What's that, baby?"

"Ruined us," she clarified, squeezing Jay's hand weakly. "I heard you… You haven't ruined us, Jay; not even close. It will just take a while to get back to the us we knew, and honestly, we haven't been that version for a long time."

Jay didn't know what to say. He'd spent so much time in Bolivia wondering if Hailey would even take him back, and if she did, he wondered if they would ever be even half of what they were at their happiest.

Hailey's words washed over him like a wave and tears formed in his eyes. He quickly swiped them out with his thumb before they could fall. "Really?" he asked as he stroked Hailey's fingers, a habit he had formed a couple months after they started dating.

That seemed like a lifetime ago.

Hailey nodded, taking her hand from Jay's grasp to cup his cheek in her palm. He couldn't help but lean into her touch. "Really. We can talk more about it tomorrow when I'm not about to fall back to sleep, but no… You didn't ruin us. You couldn't."

Letting a tear escape at her words, Jay reached up and stroked Hailey's hair out of her face (he knew not having a ponytail holder was making her insane).

He watched as her eyes fluttered closed again, and he couldn't help but smile when her fingers wrapped around his even in her near-slumber.

Jay squeezed her fingers. "Sleep, babe. I'll be right here. I'm not leaving you."

He had no intention of breaking that promise ever again.