'''Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times''' Homer wants revenge during a drive to the airport so Marge, Lisa and Bart each tell him a story of why getting revenge is a bad thing.
== Plot ==
The couch gag is the Simpsons crawling onto the couch as babies.
...
"Nothing beats a nice family drive listening to our new satellite radio." said Homer as the Simpsons drove about somewhere.
"Which of these 25 easy listening channels should we listen to?" Homer asked his family.
"I'd say Cool Waves." said Marge putting on that channel.
"No, Neon Breeze!" said Lisa. Changing the channel.
"No! The science channel! They're reading Ray Bradbury..." said Hugo changing the channel. A voice was reading Sound of Thunder.
"No! The poopsy Poopsy Fun fun station!" Oscar put on a babyish radio station that had annoying high pitched singing.
"No! Chill Thunder! Chill Thunder!" said Bart putting on a station called Chill Thunder.
"Hehehe! You're all wrong my sweet, dear family... we're listening to Chill Thunder Light..." said Homer putting on Chill Thunder Light.
"Oh! Now that's smooth!" said Marge.
Suddenly Rich Texan rudely over took them in his roofless salon car. "Out of the way you seat belt wearing cowards!" He yelled. Suddenly he screamed as he collided with another car, rear ending it. The impact of the crash sent him flying out of his car.
"And that kids is why you should always wear a seatbelt!" said Bart to the fourth wall.
"Bart are you doing a road safety PSA..." Lisa sighed.
Then Snake rudely took over them. "Out of the way, losers!" He shouted, speeding past in Little Bandit, with his son Jeremy in the back seat.
"Hey! Nobody cuts me off! Grrrrrr!" Homer grabs a baseball bat to smack Snake round the head with. There was an ambulance in the background taking what was left of the Rich Texan to hospital.
"No Homer! Revenge never solves everything!" Marge tries to stop him for some reason.
"Then what is America doing in Iraq?" Homer asked coldly. Wanting to hit Snake.
"Dad, only losers let them be consumed with revenge!" said Bart. "Losers like Sideshow Bob."
Somewhere in a mansion in Italy, Sideshow Bob was laughing madly in his study.
"I resent that remark!" said Oscar.
"Well, let me tell you all about a story where revenge brought nothing but unhappiness and misery." said Marge.
"Ooooooh as if we don't have anything interesting to do on our way to our holiday to Oahu, Hawaii, then we're gonna tell stories for the whole car journey..." said Oscar sarcastically.
"I am looking forward to the nature walks, wildlife watching, the museums and the stargazing when we get there." Lisa beamed.
"I am looking forward to surfing, shark cage diving, pulling pranks and the movie tours!" Bart grinned.
"Go and crack Snake's skull open, Homer!" Oscar encouraged.
"No!" said the Simpsons except Homer.
"It all started long ago in Paris..." said Marge staring a story.
"Paris, Texas?" Snake asked.
"No! Paris, France." said Marge.
"Paris, Neptune?" Hugo asked.
"There's no such thing; don't be silly, Hugo." said Marge.
"Paris, Castrovalva?" asked Oscar.
"No! Paris, France!" said Marge getting annoyed everyone kept interrupting.
"Good. Because Paris, Castrovalva is an absolute shit hole." Oscar swore.
Homer stuffed a bar of soap in his mouth. "Go on Sweetie, tell your story..."
"As I was saying... it all started long ago... in Paris, France." said Marge setting the story.
'''The Count of Monte Cristo'''
In France long ago, possibly featuring Marge's ancestors given the Bouviers are french. "There was a happy family." A french family consisting of a Marge, who's long blue beehive was now the height of fashion in 18th century France. The 18th century Marge sighed at the narrator's snarky comments as lots of french women with enormous beehive hair dos like her own walked about in fancy 18th century dress.
Her husband was a Homer. Corpulent as usual. That means fat, Homer... 18th century Homer said "D'oh!" But he still had his brown hair. "Woohoo! I mean, gėnial!"
And their kids were a Bart and a Lisa. They didn't have a Maggie yet. And their Bart and Lisa were still barely ready to leave Kindergarten.
"Papa! May we have chocolat?" asked the Bart.
"Papa! May we have Petit Fours?" asked Lisa. Petit Fours, literally small fours. Little sweet or savory cakes or pastries.
"Monsieur, let me have votre enfants! Zey are adorable!" French Oscar tried to kidnap the little Bart and Lisa.
"Non! Idiota!" said French Homer.
"May we? May we? Have le chocolat et Petit Fours?" Bart and Lisa asked.
"Mai Oui?!" said French Marge.
French Bart and Lisa looked at her bemused and frowned.
"Onhonhonhon ... very amusant ... No!" said Bart.
"Mon Cher! I am a very lucky french man to have such a beautiful wife!" said Homer. Marge sighed happily and longingly at her sweet husband. "Now let us kiss with tongues!" They french kissed deeply.
Meanwhile a jealous Moe watched them.
"How I hate that Homer! Look at him with his beautiful wife and loving family! And here I am with just a door!" Moe had a door and doorway. Just that. In anger he slammed the door. Then it was knocked by someone. "What the?" Moe asked. He answered it. Oscar was at the door...
"Bonjour!" Oscar greeted him in a silly manner.
Moe sighed annoyed by Oscar's stupidity. Oscar ran off laughing. "Well I have a plan to get rid of Homer and have his beautiful wife!" Moe took his door and left.
Hmmmmm France and jealous bachelors...
"Quoi? No one does away with rival lovers to the object of my affection like Gaston!" said Gaston.
...
In a wealthy French home the Homer and Marge slept in bed.
Suddenly the French inquisition, or what ever they had back then as a police force bursted in.
"Monsieur! You are under arrest for treason!" said french Wiggum.
French Lou and French Eddie emerge from the cellar.
"Chief, look what we found in the cellar." French Lou added as he and French Eddie revealed the skeleton of French Bart's twin brother, French Hugo who had been chained up in the cellar and starved to death by being fed only fish heads once a week.
"Treason?! But I love France! Like how all our words are ever a dude or a lady... it's all good..." said Homer.
"Yeah yeah... tell it to le baton!" said Wiggum smacking Homer on the head and dragging him off somewhere in his night clothes.
"Marge! Don't let the kids see me like this!" said French Homer.
"It's okay! They're still drunk from school!" said Marge.
Little Bart and Lisa were extremely drunk on wine! "Un, Deux, Trois..." Lisa said in a drunk manner...
Oscar in the present day laughed.
In France Homer was taken to court. He pleaded his innocence.
"And Moe tried to incriminate him with a letter supposedly written by Homer declaring his allegiance to England. And how he'd do anything for it, even treason...
And Oscar felt that every French Story was set at the same time and had Gaston in the court for some reason.
"Homer! I sentence you to life for Treason!" said the judge.
"You idiot! I'm already alive..." said Homer.
"Life in prison..." said the judge.
"You idiot! Treason carries a death sentence!" said Homer.
"Very well I sentence you to death!" said the judge.
Homer screamed.
He was then taken away in a wooden prison cart.
...
Homer was taken to a prison that looked exactly like Skelectraz from Dragon Quest Builders 2...
"I'm innocent! I don't belong here!" said a Homer to the Lenny and Carl guards. "I've been framed!"
"So have I." said French Oscar also in prison for something... he was holding a picture frame. Ugh... An audience boos and jeers.
"Well the guy in the iron mask says he's the rightful king of France!" said Carl.
"You cannot treat a king in this manner! How dare you!" said the man in the iron mask.
"Will I get tortured?" Homer asked Lenny and Carl.
"We won't say. The suspense of what we may or may not do just makes it worse..." said Lenny.
"That and the rat helmet." said Carl.
Homer sighed.
"See ya nine o clock for the rat helmet." said Carl.
"Ooooooh... nine o'clock..." Homer groaned.
...
Meanwhile Moe moved straight onto Marge and married her. For some dumb reason she accepted and married him.
Meanwhile in France.
"Sacrė bleu! Ve are all out of white flags!" said a french man. "Our most important commodity!"
"Ach! You cheese eating surrender monkeys!" said Willie.
Oscar went to a fancy restaurant. One where they sing be our guest and offer food.
"Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!" The waiters sung.
"All the finest french tales are here! From the Count of Monte Cristo, to Les Miserables!" sung another waiter. There were characters from the count of Monte Cristo, Beauty and the Beast and Les Miserables. Including the guy Sacha Baron Cohen plays.
The singing chefs serve Oscar french food. Unfortunately most of it is gross.
"Snails." Oscar is served slimy snails still alive and oozing slowly about the plate.
"Eeeeeeugh!" He groans in disgust.
"Frogs legs." Oscar is served green frog legs.
His face turns green and he clutches his hands over his mouth about to puke.
"Oh dear! The boy he is resembling a frog in complexion! " said a chef.
"For le after course ve have ze cheese board!"
Oscar figured the cheese board would be nice. Unfortunately all french cheeses are either blue cheese which I don't like or stinky cheeses.
Oscar gagged at the smell of the stinky cheeses with a cartoonishly green face and shiny cheeks trying not to hurl.
"Perhaps a side of Horse meat?" sung a waiter.
Oscar gagged with a green face when he was served a horse leg.
"Oh la la la... perhaps garçon will not want dessert?" said a fat French chef serving a delicious cake.
"Oh suddenly I'm hungry! Gimme!" Oscar joyfully ate the cake.
...
Meanwhile in prison Homer's cell mate was a Mr Burns. For some reason they are copying Disney's Aladdin now...
The Mr Burns reveals a secret tunnel he dug and asks Homer to use it, giving him a map.
"But why are you helping me?" Homer asked.
"Because I want to annoy the guards by helping someone escape. Plus I violated you several times while you slept so we're even." said Burns.
Homer screamed at the thought of being violated and quickly made his escape. He fell off the tower into the ocean, got locked in a cage, found another passageway that just looped back into the cell via the puddle of yellow water some how... Then finally escaped.
He found the treasure of Monte Cristo. He swam in it like Scrooge McDuck.
He used his new wealth to sail back home, buy the title of Count Monte Cristo from Tuscany and lived in a big mansion. But Homer was still not happy. He wanted to get revenge on Moe for getting him framed and to get back his wife and kids.
Meanwhile at home with Moe, Bart and Lisa sung Frere Jacque.
"Brother Jacque! Brother Jacque! Domeze you! Domeze you! " They sung while playing patty cake.
In the present the Simpsons all at once started singing Frere Jacque.
"Oh why did I choose to move in with a French family?!" Oscar groaned holding his hands over his ears.
Marge was trying to teach a story of how revenge is wrong and that Count of Monte Cristo's revenge plan involved the gadget chair from Casper the movie and frying moe in Crepes flambé. (Crepes or pancakes flambed in burning liquor.) But as funny as that is I like the original adaptation of the story.
"Because lots of people get stabbed in it! Mwuhahahahaha!" said Oscar laughing evilly.
"Oscar that's horrible!" Marge told him off.
"Ok so the count of Monte Cristo goes on a murder spree, okay..." said French Homer as the count of Monte Cristo. He stabbed his enemies or caused them to get stabbed by someone he manipulated.
Oh and he does live happily ever after but not with Marge because she was annoyed he flambéd Moe in a crepe flambé and left her with not only Bart and Lisa but three hideous Moe and Maggie hybrids to look after.
"Eeeeeew!" said French Homer when he saw the Moe babies.
Instead he falls in love with a far more hotter younger woman and lives happily ever after...
The end!
"But that's not the lesson I'm trying to teach!" Marge whines.
"That's how the story ends..." said Oscar. "Well with lots of other stuff in between."
Marge sighed.
== Plot 2 ==
Marge was annoyed. Not just with Oscar but with Homer because he was clearly not paying to her story. "Homer! Were you not paying the slightest bit of attention?" Marge yelled.
"What?" Homer whined.
"I just told you an entire story!" Marge ranted.
"I think I'd remember you telling a story!" said Homer holding a baseball bat. "Must have revenge! Revenge! I will get my revenge and get off Scott free, by pinning the blame on the baby. Like I did when I shot Mr Burns." said Homer. XD!
"Um the baby did shoot Mr Burns..." said Oscar.
"That's what Matt wants you to think!" said Homer.
Everyone sighed.
"What?! Honestly! A baby shot Mr Burns..." Homer sighed.
"Where are we going again?" Hugo asked.
"We're supposed to be starting our vacation to Hawaii!" Marge seethed.
"Revenge!" Homer snarled.
"Dad no!" Lisa whined.
"Why Hawaii..." Bart asked bored.
"Because it's lovely!" said Marge frowning at him.
"Also there's this ritual or thingy, possibly a dumb rule... That if a family has twins where one is evil, ie Hugo, They have to go to Hawaii to do a ritual to cast the evil out of the bad twin." said Oscar.
"Uh Oz, we established I'm the good twin. Bart's the bad twin..." said Hugo.
"As if! Good twins don't stitch rats and pigeons together!" Bart retorted.
"Shut up! I'm plotting my revenge!" Homer yelled.
"Coooool! Kill him! Surrender to the dark side!" Oscar cooed.
"Dad wait!" said Lisa. "I have a story of why Revenge is wrong!" said Lisa.
Oscar snored.
"Is it the Count of Monte Cristo? Because I love that story!" said Homer. Either he is stupid or he is deliberately trying to piss off Marge.
Marge seethed.
"No!" said Lisa. "I call it revenge of the geeks..."
'''Revenge of the Geeks'''
The story is set at Springfield elementary school one day.
The nerds and geeks once again are being picked on by the bullies. They were playing curling with them as the curling stones...
"Ugh... I am so sick of those bullies..." Milhouse groaned. "We've gotta find some way to get back at them!"
"How?" Martin asked.
"Tell the Principal?" Database asked.
"Tell me what now?" The bullies had somehow hogtied Skinner.
Cosine groaned.
"I'm a curling stone!" said Ralph sliding past them.
That night at the school in a science laboratory the nerds, including Hugo and Milhouse were working on a project.
"Behold! The Get-Back-inator!" said Martin showing off a glove device and helmet.
"That's a stupid name! Call it, the... Retribulator 3000! Mwuhahahahaha!" said Hugo laughing evilly.
"Okay... the Retribulator 3000... but it's the first prototype! Why does it need a number after it?" Martin replied.
"Because extremely big numbers like three thousand make it sound cool!" said Hugo.
Martin grimaced.
"We're gonna beat those bullies with a glove?" Milhouse asked in disbelief.
"This is more than just a glove! It is a turning point in the battle of brains vs brawn!" said Martin. "All it requires is a small amount of concentration."
None of the nerds were confident to volunteer.
"Anyone?" Martin asked.
"I can handle the glove. I took up juggling at camp." said Milhouse.
The nerds oooooohed and awwwwwwed impressed with him.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
"Now let's all play Dungeons and Dragons..." said Hugo.
"Not cooooooool!" Oscar groaned. "Except when I mess everything up with silly nonsense then it is cool..."
...
The next day Jimbo and his friends were in the boys toilets playing cards, and Kearney was shaving, when Martin came in.
"Good morning Dinguses! What are you doing? Touching each other's butts?" said Martin. Uh that's just gay Martin...
The bullies got angry and were about to pound him.
"You are so dead you're alive!" Dolph threatened him. That doesn't make sense...
The bullies chased Martin out of the toilets and too the library.
The bullies followed him in but lost sight of him.
"What is this place Kearney asked.
"Eeeeeew! Books!" Jimbo groaned.
"It burns! It buuuuuurns!" Dolph screamed.
"Sssshhh!" The librarian hushed them.
Then there was a cardboard cutout of Hitler! Yes Hitler! In his speech bubble he said "before I was a Nazi leader I was a Nazi reader!"
Jurkle, the Jewish kid screamed in terror at the cutout of Hitler.
"I said Ssssshhhhh!" said the librarian.
Milhouse appeared from behind Hitler. "Oh... what a surprise... it seems the shoes on the other- revenge!" He yelled setting the glove to wedgie and zapping the bullies.
He gave Dolph an atomic wedgie, Kearney purple nurples. "Oooooow! My boy nipples!" Kearney cried. And Jimbo, he gave him the, stop hitting yourself!
Jimbo was compelled to punch himself.
"Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!" said Milhouse.
Oscar was juggling in the library.
Milhouse winced.
"Oz do you have to do that now..." Milhouse sighed.
"Yes..." said Oscar.
Milhouse zapped him with the revenge gauntlet, giving him a wedgie.
"Ow!" Oscar whined as his diaper was yanked upwards sharply.
...
Recess was now far more peaceful without bullies. Uh this is where Oscar needs to throw down some facts.
"Where was Nelson..." Oscar asked.
"He was sick with measles." said Lisa.
"And the girl bullies..."
"Oh yea..." said Lisa.
The school was peaceful now for boys... Francine and Donna's gang and Jessica Lovejoy were still picking on girls and giving them swirlies and pushing them in the mud.
Lisa grunted as Donna the punk girl pushed her in the mud.
"Not for long!" said Milhouse. He zapped Francine, Donna etc. Inflicting various forms of bulling on them such as wet willies, dry willies, wedgies, a nasty Jackson whatever that is...
"And he gave Jessica a Texas Chilli bowl." said Lisa to Bart.
"What's that?" Bart asked.
"It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone and the anus..." said Lisa.
Bart shivered thinking how painful that bully torture would be to someone.
Then the school was peaceful for nerds everywhere.
"Now nerds can breath easily. Except for the ones with asthma, with is most of them." said Lisa. "But still it's great."
"Yup! Having a weapon in school has really made things awesome!" said Milhouse. Showing off his gauntlet.
"Amen bro!" said Oscar twirling a handgun around on his fingers like a gunslinger.
Bart glared at him.
Nerds all sat about ie on the grass or at benches and read books or played Dungeons and Dragons.
Milhouse and Lisa were gonna kiss when...
"Oof!" Milhouse was hit accidentally by a tennis ball.
Martin apologised. "Pardon my trajectory friend!"
"I'll teach you to embarrass me in front of a girl!" said Milhouse. He set the retribulator to wet Willie and gave them wet willies. Then he laughed maniacally.
"Uh Milhouse what has gotten into you?" Lisa asked.
"Over the years a lot of people have hurt me... good thing I kept this list... Mwuhahahahaha!" said Milhouse unhinged as he laughed and read a list of his classmates that upset him. And uh Rod and Todd are still considered students in Matt's broken canon. Season twenty three isn't that far away Matt...
"Oh no! You've already got your revenge!" said Lisa.
"That's for not giving me Chinese cuts in the lunch line!" Milhouse zapped Wendell. I don't know what Chinese cuts are.
"That's for laughing at me on the glass blowing trip!" He zapped Lewis.
"Girls like you more!" He zapped Richard who got a wedgie.
"Your parents are still married!" He zapped Ace inflicting a bully torture on him.
"I uh don't know but I don't like you!" He zapped more kids. A kid was punching his own head.
"Ay carumba!" said Bart running away.
"I don't really have many lines in your story do I..." said Bart.
"Nope!" said Lisa smugly.
"Mooooom!" Bart whined.
"Lisa let Bart have more screen time in your story!" said Marge.
"Fine..." Lisa sighed.
"This is terrible Lis! Milhouse has gone mad with power!" said Bart as Milhouse zapped everyone with the retribulator 3000.
"And as for Bart. I am sick of living in your shadow!" said Milhouse. He set the glove to something and zapped Bart.
Bart cried in pain as he was being bullied by the retribulator 3000.
Then Milhouse turned on a new kid.
"Wait! I just started attending today! I don't know you and haven't done anything to you!" said the new boy.
"Yes but this is Pre-venge!" said Milhouse. He zapped the kid with a freshman facial. The boy was compelled to rub his own face in the mud.
Then Willie laughed at Milhouse and made fun of him. So Milhouse set the retribulator 3000 to ultimate noogie and zapped Willie. His head got cut off.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
Bart winced.
Lisa tried to appeal to Milhouse to see sense.
"Milhouse you've gone mad with power!" said Lisa.
"You'll soon learn to like me as my Queen..." said Milhouse evilly.
"Well as lovely as that may seem..." said Lisa.
"Go on..." said Milhouse.
"You are really freaking me out right now... I think we should stay friends..." said Lisa.
"Nobody spares my feelings!" Milhouse tried to zap her but couldn't. "Oh I can't zap you..." he took off the retribulator 3000 and tossed it away. Nelson got it.
"Oh no!" said Lisa.
"Haw haw! You forgot about me! I was sick with measles!" said Nelson. He zapped Milhouse who made goofy noises while being given wedgies and other painful forms of bully torture.
"Never throw down your weapon..." said Nelson torturing him.
The end.
"Wow! That story had everything! Even an ending!" said Homer.
"No Dad! The message was that if you take revenge you become what you hate..." said Lisa.
"No sweetie the moral of that story is never out down your weapon... revenge!" He followed Snake.
Snake was at a beautiful place to watch the sunset. "What an awesome sunset,.." he admired the view.
"Okay we've been driving for miles, we missed our flight to Hawaii... but this ends here..." said Homer about to hit Snake.
"No Dad! Wait! You haven't heard my story!" said Bart.
"Your story?! Pfffft! You're to dumb to tell a story..." said Homer.
Marge glared at him.
"What I mean is I'd love to hear your fascinating story..." said Homer.
"Wait a minute! Why am I discouraging Dad?! I love it when he's being a bad influence on me! I'm the naughty kid! Go Dad smash that guy's brains out!" said Bart.
"No Bart!" Lisa and Marge cried.
Homer beats up Snake with a baseball bat.
"Die! Die! Die!"
== Plot 3 ==
Later Homer is done for assault and battery, and of course arrested.
"Hmmmmm! I hope you're happy now Bart... you two are like two bad peas in a pod..." said Marge cross with Bart and Homer.
"Mmmmmm! Peas..." said Homer.
"What? You really thought I'd take your side in this argument..." said Bart.
"Bart. I know deep down you're not that bad. You're always telling Oscar off for being evil or calling people out for being nasty... please try to show some of the good side of you..." Lisa begged.
"Hmmmmmm! Revenge leads hate, hate leads to anger, anger leads to the dark side it will!" said Yoda.
Bart thought long and hard. "Okay here is my story about why revenge is wrong..." said Bart.
'''Bartman Begins'''
"Nananana Batman! Batman! Batmaaaan!" Oscar sung over the titles.
"Oscar zip it right now or I'll!" Bart warned Oscar before being cut out by the old fashioned music of Gotham.
In this story Bart is Bruce Wayne and Marge and Homer are his parents. Anyone who knows their Batman comics knows they won't be in the story for very long...
They had just left an opera.
"That was the most boring thing ever..." said Bart as Bruce Wayne.
"You should be lucky you have such rich parents to take you to operas..." said Martha Wayne.
They stupidly went down a scary dark alley.
"Oh I don't like this alley! Better turn my ring around." said Martha Wayne.
She turned it to a bigger diamond! "Ooooh!" she sighed.
Suddenly Snake as a dangerous criminal appeared.
"Hand over all your money!" said Snake.
"We're not afraid of you!" said Homer as Mr Wayne. He got shot. "Neither is my wife..." he added in his dying breath. Snake shot her. "Or..."
"Shut up already!" said Marge as Martha Wayne. They both died before a Homer could stupidly get Bart killed.
Then Harry Potter zapped Snake into a rabbit.
"What are you doing here?!" Bart as a Bruce Wayne asked Harry Potter.
"I'm Harry Potter. We have both had our parents murdered at the beginning of our stories and now have mortal enemies who tried to kill us!" Harry Potter explained.
Bart rolled his eyes. "True, four-eyes. Sideshow is my mortal enemy who is out to kill me."
...
Bart as Bruce Wayne was left in the care of his family's loyal butler Alfred Pennyworth. Pennyworth took Bart to his parents' graves. Bart put a rose on his mom's grave and a donut on his dad's. XD!
Homer briefly returned to life as a zombie to grab the donut and take it to the grave with him.
"Mmmmmmmm! Donuts..." he gasped before dying again.
Bart rolled his eyes.
"I need to get revenge for you Mom and Dad! But how?"
"I can help!" said Grampa as um Bruce Wayne's Grampa. I have no idea why he is here he just is...
"I have no idea why Matt thinks I like Batman and based my alter ego after him..." Bart sighed.
"Grampa?" said Bruce.
"I was a costumed vigilante once! The crimson cockatoo!" Abe showed Bart (Bruce) a picture of himself dressed in a stupid bird costume beaten up and lying on some steps.
"Okay..." said Bart as Bruce.
"Now to train you up the old fashioned way!"
Bart went to the gym and worked out doing exercises. Bart and Grampa passed a medicine ball to each other. Bart played with some juggling pins while Grampa slept, Bart was on a vibrating belt machine to tone his plump shape, Bart lifted some ladies instead of a dumbbell and finally he took a Turkish steam box and came out muscular.
"Whoooooaa! I'm so ripped!" said Bart. "Also I have more muscles than a New England clam bank."
"You're just the right size to be the Crimson Cockaboy!" Grampa gave him a silly costume and a bad superhero name...
"I'll think about it..." said Bart.
...
Of course I have no idea how Matt thought there was a Grampa in Batman. What actually happened, and in this adaptation we will have to say that after getting trained by his Grampa, Bruce Wayne went to be an apprentice to Ra's Al Ghul. It's true! Ra's trained Bruce before he turned evil!
"And if you're going with Batman Begins. Ra's Al Ghul is played by Liam Neeson! Aka Father Sean!" said Oscar.
"Ay carumba!" said Bart as Father Sean / catholic priest Liam Neeson was Ra's Al Ghul.
Anyhoo, Ra's Al Ghul is head of the league of assassins. That might explain why he is an expert at armed and unarmed combat and a suitable teacher to young Bruce.
They trained until Ra's Al Ghul felt Batman was ready. Then he decided to moonlight as a supervillain. Probably because he looks like the Master from Doctor Who. (in his comic incarnation at least.)
Then there was thinking up a persona and costume.
"I chose Bartman and my purple mask and cape because I like purple." said Bart.
But in this story Bartman as a Batman ripoff becomes inspired after seeing a bat sleeping upside down. "Ah ha!" He goes off to make the Bartman costume. The bat then wakes up and flies off to a statue of Elvis Presley and kisses him passionately.
"Oz... no!" Bart groaned annoyed.
...
Bart as Bruce made unrealistic and ridiculous demands to Alfred his butler.
"I wanna nuclear powered car, black with a bat design. Here are the blueprints."
"Master Wayne you can't drive yet..." said Alfred.
"I want to hire a construction team to convert the caves under the mansion into a sweet basement cave lair with a turn table for my nuclear car!"
"Master Wayne about the fact you can't drive yet..." Alfred asked.
"So? I'm a superhero!"
Alfred sighed.
Bart as Bruce Wayne drove the Batmobile or should I say Bartmobile around Gotham with thick blocks of wood taped to his boots so he can reach the gas pedals.
Bartman saw a guy steal newspapers from Apu.
"Help! Help! Thief! Stop him!"
Bartman accosted the thief.
"Aaaaagh! A kid!" said the thief. Bartman threw him into a fuse box and he was electrocuted to death.
Bartman was soon all over the news painted as a dangerous muscular child and vigilante.
He then ran about beating up supervillains such as the Toker. Otto as a spliff.
A giant sentient Cannabis plant from Scary Movie 2 prompts lit and smoked him.
"The Diddler!" Ned Flanders as the Riddler. But I suppose instead of riddles he bores people with the bible. He also has Rod and Todd as henchmen dressed as angels. Bartman prompts beats him up for some reason.
"Krusty as a drunk Joker..."
Krusty was an extremely inebriated Joker he sung nonsense when Bartman grabbed him to interrogate him.
Bartman is interrogating Krusty as the joker. Krusty belches beer breath in his face. "Eeeeeeew! Beer breath..." Bartman groans in disgust.
"Mr Mole!" Hans Moleman pops out of a sewer. Bartman clobbers him with a cartoon mallet.
"Sugar and Spice!" Patty and Selma whipping people. Bart catches them in a net.
"Poison Lenny!" Lenny dressed up as Poison Ivy.
"Hey I'm not a villain! I'm a transvestite!" said Poison Lenny.
"Eeeeeew! Guys no! Poison Ivy is a lady..." said Bartman grossed out.
"With really, really sexy, sentient hentai monster plants!" said Oscar.
"Eeeeeeew! You have serious issues man..." Bartman groaned.
Then Snake was a supervillain called the cobra. He made awful snake puns.
"Fangs for getting rid of the competition! Now there's more dough for me to steal!" said the Cobra.
"So basically dark edge lord hero vs ridiculous and colourful supervillains..." said Hugo.
"Batman is not a dark edge lord..." said Bart.
"I was just going to a fancy dress Party..." Poison Lenny whined. Bartman threw him into a fuse box electrocuting him.
There was a party to observe some expensive jewels. However the Cobra made everyone feel compelled to dance like a cobra hypnotised by a snake charmer because pungi music played.
The Cobra made stupid snake puns.
"I'll be snaking these jewels and venom I've gotta go! Sorry I didn't asp your permission! I hope that's cobracetic..."
"Okay enough already!" Krusty groaned.
Bartman "dropped" in. I'll get my coat...
"Party's over Cobra!" said Bartman.
"Well duh! You're standing in the dip!" said Wiggum.
Bartman grimaced as he was standing in some messy food and got it all over his nice clean boots.
He marched over to Cobra making squelchy sounds from his shoes covered in food from some sort of fondue dip.
Bartman unmasked the Cobra. He was the guy that killed his parents.
"You killed my parents!" said Bartman.
Snake says some typical supervillain dialogue.
Bartman pushes him backwards and he gets impaled on some snake fangs of a giant snake.
"I did it! I avenged my parents!" said Bartman.
Lisa as a newsreader tried to ruin things by reminding him that his parents are still dead and that killing their murderer won't bring them back.
"No... but now they can rest in peace now." said Bartman. "Besides I have zillions of dollars and no parents to tell me what to do!"
The end!
"And that story is why revenge is a good thing..." said Bart.
"We're supposed to discouraging Dad..." Lisa and Marge told him.
"Well revenge can go three ways. And the first two kinda had the same message. The third one would have worked better as a Treehouse of Horror story." said Bart.
"I felt Lisa's worked better as a Treehouse of Horror story." said Oscar. "I really want that get-back-inator... Mwuhahahahaha!"