The President wore Pearls Lisa runs as student body president but in my fanon against Bart, Martin, Oscar and Ralph as well as Nelson. Oh and Skinner isn't allowed to be evil in the third act.
Plot
The couch gag is the Simpsons going through a car wash on the couch.
The school is holding a casino night. Yeah a casino night...
"(Horrified gasp)" Season one to um five Marge gasped horrified.
"It's a house of Mammon!" Ned cried. Mammon is the demon prince of greed and avarice.
Homer rolled his eyes as he lead his Marge inside.
The school banner read "Absolutely no money goes to the Indians."
Lisa dressed as a casino steward seethed.
"Oh, boy! Casino night! Finally, they'll teach our kids the dangers of doubling down on a six." said Homer delighted.
"Maybe they should teach you the dangers of doubling down on a six..." Oscar snarked.
Homer growled at him.
"I really shouldn't be here. I have a problem with games of chance." said Marge. "I played Candy Land with Maggie and ended up throwing vodka in her face."
Oscar laughed.
Marge sighed at him disapproving of him finding that incident funny.
"Aw, Marge. I bet you've gotten that out of your system." said Homer.
"Bet? System? Betting system? God is telling me to gamble!" Marge was suddenly in the mood to gamble again.
Homer chuckled.
"Nooooooo!" Season 1 to 5 Marge cried. "Gambling is a sin!"
Homer sighed and rolled his eyes at the past version of his wife.
Marge pushed past people at Ralph's blackjack table.
"Hey!"
"Watch it!"
Marge frantically wagers on a game.
"Damn it! Hit me, hit me, hit me..." She kept demanding more cards.
"Uh Lisa's mommy you're busted..." said Ralph.
Marge threw her glass of water in his face.
Ralph cried.
Oscsr laughed.
"Yeah that's real funny Oz.." Hugo sighed.
...
Homer arrives and is greeted by Drederick Tatum. The guy who pulverised him in a boxing match and bit off part of his ear because I wanted to do a Mike Tyson joke.
Homer screamed.
"Welcome to Springfield Elementary Casino Night. My fee for this evening goes to victims of my criminal recidivism. So relax, have fun and please God don't piss me off." said Drederick Tatum.
Homer whimpered.
"Also I'm peckish, can I like chew on your ear? Maybe eat one of your children?" asked Drederick.
Homer screamed and fled.
Gamblor was there. The giant anime fighting robot made up of slot machines laughed evilly.
"Gamblor is a figment of my imagination..." Homer sighed.
"Yeah but that was funny so I made him real..." said Oscar chuckling.
Homer sighed.
Martin and Principal Skinner were running things.
"Congratulations, Mr. Student Body President. Your Casino Night is a huge success." said Skinner praising Martin.
"Thanks, Principal Skinner. I got the idea from an episode of Saved by the Bell." said Martin dressed up nice in a purple jacket.
"It was always on too late for me." said Skinner glumly.
Martin winced baffled at him. "Sir it airs early on a Saturday morning!"
"Well uh, I.. Oh look! Aurora Borealis!" said Skinner before fleeing while Martin was distracted.
Martin looked about baffled by the sight of the northern lights being contained within the cafeteria that was doubling as a casino hall tonight. He didn't notice Skinner flee.
"Didn't Screech's actor die?!" said Oscar.
"That hasn't happened yet..." said Hugo.
"Well who did die then?!" Oscar yelled.
"Uh... James Brown..." said Hugo.
Homer was at Lisa's wheel of fortune game.
"I'll put everything on lucky 17." Homer made a stupid bet.
Lisa spun the wheel.
"D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!" Homer grunted as the wheel spun round. "Woo-hoo! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh..."
Lisa rolled her eyes exasperated.
"Woo-hoo! D'oh! D'oh..." Homer groaned as the wheel slowed down. Eventually it stops on 17. "Woo-hoo!"
lAnd the winner is 17!l said Lisa.
"I win!" Homer taking his winnings.
"This is it, baby. First thing tomorrow, we're getting a PlayStation One." said Homer to Marge.
Bart gawked at him concerned.
"Get a copy of Spyro or Crash Bandicoot to go with it..." said Oscar.
Bart face palmed.
...
Lewis was at the baccarat table. He spanked Wendell with the baccarat paddle.
"Ow!" Wendell cried out.
"Guhuhuhu! Spanky Spanky!" He laughed.
Bart rolled his eyes, Lewis was just acting nuts now. He is extremely nuts in the Simpsons Game XBox version...
"Giving people a paddlin? That's a paddlin..." said Jasper.
Bart grimaced making an ugly face.
"Hi Bart!" said Lewis. "School sucks don't you think?" He whispered.
Bart rolled his eyes.
There were also several slot machines, some locals such as Lenny were playing at them.
"Yeah Asian pensioners are playing on them." said Lenny.
(Ringing and blooping.)
"Come on cherries! Give me three cherries! Ah no a Bar! You come long time!" said an old Far Eastern Asian man.
Marge was at a slot machine operated the old fashioned way, with a lever.
(Ringing and Blooping as the machine's slots spin.)
"Hey Marge! You have a gambling problem!" said Homer.
Marge sighed.
"Hey remember when I stole that olympic torch? Well yoooooouuuu have a gambling problem!" Homer taunted her.
Marge seethed.
Milhouse was running a craps table. He gasped.
"Principal Skinner! Principal Skinner!"
Skinner sighed and headed over.
"Oscar is trying to defecate on the craps table!" Milhouse yelled.
Oscar was stood on the craps table with his shorts and diaper pulled down and squatting to defecate.
"Oscar! Pull up your shorts and get back to your own table!" Skinner yelled.
Oscar sighed as he pulled up his diaper and shorts before heading to his table.
Bart winced at him. Feeling concerned.
Oscar magically changed back into his casino steward uniform. He sighed. "Poker was not my idea of a game to run as the banker..."
"Oscar you are not running a strip poker game!" Skinner yelled.
Oscar frowned.
...
Homer was cashing in his winnings.
"I'd like to cash in these chips. Give me most of it in cash and the rest in suitcases to carry the cash." said Homer pleased with his good fortune.
"Sir, this casino is for charity. These chips are only redeemable in cafeteria scrip or a day at the ballpark with Groundskeeper Willie." said Martin.
"I'll be bringin' sparkplugs to chuck at people I don't like, like you!" Willie yelled.
Oscar winced.
Willie shook his head rapidly and jabbered before turning into G.K Willington. "My sincerest apologies for my outburst sir..."
"But I'm up $200,000." Homer whined. He grabbed Martin by his lapels.
"Give me my money! Think I won't manhandle a little boy?" Homer growled.
Bart winced concerned.
"Coooooool! Kill him!" Oscar cooed.
Bart gave him an unnerved look.
"You don't understand. It's not real money. None of these people have won any money." Martin whined.
"What?" Everyone gasped.
"Didn't anyone read the flyer? It was sent home last Tuesday." Martin stammered.
All hell broke loose as parents smashed up the casino.
Milhouse screamed as his table was knocked over.
"Cooooool! break everything! smashy smashy!" Oscar cheered.
Hugo sighed.
"Look at me! I'm a big man!" said Lenny rocking a slot machine violently. It fell and crushed him. "But I break just like a little girl."
Oscar laughed at him.
"Yeah real funny Oz..." Hugo sighed.
"How can an ace be both high and low?! Where is the sense in that?!" Kirk yelled.
People rioted and set fire to things.
A native from Missionary Impossible/Wrath of the Baby Programmes was eating the mac and cheese.
"Yet I hate mac and cheese!" He cried.
Carl and Martin's dad ripped Lisa's Spin to win wheel off of the wall and smashed it to pieces.
...
Later the casino was in ruins and on fire.
"Well, this was a disaster." said Skinner.
"I should've known. The same thing happened on Saved by the Bell." said Martin.
"Care for a milk?" Skinner offered him a carton of milk.
"No, thank you." said Martin.
"Martin, in light of this fiasco, you're going to have to resign as president." said Skinner.
Martin's eyes welled up with tears. "I'll have that milk now." He took the carton of milk and drank it.
"Easy there. That's whole milk." said Skinner.
"I'm a private citizen now! I can drink what I like!" said Martin.
"Certainly not! School milk?! Boys, confiscate that school milk!" Margret Thatcher yelled.
"Keep your hands off our school milk! You hag!" Oscar yelled.
Bart winced.
"You won't have Martin Prince to kick around anymore!" said Martin. He stood in a toy block cart doing the Nixon victory pose.
(SOLEMN MUSIC PLAYING)
"Cooool! He's Richard Nixon..." said Oscar.
Bart winced.
"I am not a book!" Martin yelled as Wendell and Cosine take him away on the toy block cart.
"Well, I guess we're gonna need a new student body president." said Skinner.
Some tough guys arrive patting crowbars menacingly.
"Yes?" Skinner asked.
"We're from Acme Amusement Rental. We're looking for Principal Skinner." said the rough guys.
"Uh. Yes, we all are. Whoo!" said Skinner.
The Simpsons drove home.
"That was just embarrassing..." Marge sighed.
"I thought the riot was cool..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed.
Plot 2
Home. Oscar was hanging around Hugo as a baby. He was wearing just a diaper and sucking a shiny blue pacifier.
"Reminds me soooo much of when I was still locked up here..." said Hugo.
Some time after The Telltale Head.
Hugo was chained up in the attic. Baby Oscar snuck up to the attic.
Hugo feral growled.
Oscar sucked his pacifier.
Hugo struggled furiously with his chains.
The present.
Yeah I wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind for making friends back then Oz..." said Hugo sat on a rug laid across the middle of the attic. Oscar sucked his pacifier.
They then played some sort of fantasy table top game with a castle and small figures.
"Don't eat the figures Oz..." Hugo sighed as Baby Oscar was about to pop one of the figures in his mouth.
Oscar pouted and sat there in his diaper.
At school the next day.
Lisa saw there was a student body election imminent, because Martin was retiring after the fiasco last night.
"Oh! Hey, student body president! Ah! I can join past presidents like Otto, or Krusty."
Bart winced at the pictures of past Student body presidents. "Uh Krusty never attended Springfield Elementary. He attended a rabbi led faith school..."
"Well he probably transferred..." said Lisa.
Nelson put his name down to run as student body president.
"Nelson, you're running for president?" Lisa asked.
"I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I do have all the answer keys to every test." Nelson hands out the answer keys to any tests.
(ALL CHEERING) Kids cheered and paid him for the answer sheets.
Lisa glared at Nelson
"Fractions, dinosaurs, foreign money, the first Thanksgiving." said Nelson selling answer sheets.
"Nelson, what are you doing?" Mrs Krabappel told him off.
"Real estate license exam." Nelson sold her a real estate license exam answer key.
"My ticket to freedom!" said Mrs Krabappel.
Lisa frowned.
"Nelson! Nelson!" Everyone cheered.
"I'm doomed." Lisa sighed.
"Doomed! DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!" Oscar yelled being silly.
Lisa sighed.
...
Home at dinner time.
Lisa was not touching her vegetarian dinner.
"I don't have a chance against Nelson..." she whined. "How can I beat him in an election when he just bribes everyone..."
"Why don't you start a rumor that he's ding-a-ling-a-ling, hello!" said Homer. Ie that he's gay... Homer giggled effeminately. "What a delicious quiche! I drive a pink Miata!"
Oscar winced at him.
"Uh... no..." said Lisa.
"Oh what's the use..." she sighed as Homer skipped round the room acting like Rip Taylor...
Bart spoke in a sassy manner. "Honey, you could be popular. You've just gotta be yourself in a whole new way!" he did a black lady head bob. "Mmmmm hmmmmm..."
"No. I'm gonna stick to my platform of incremental policy amelioration. Fluoridated water fountains, vegan lunch options." said Lisa.
Bart gagged in disgust.
"Fine eat animals! You prehistoric carnivore!" Lisa snapped.
Homer ran in wearing a tutu and throwing flowers from a basket at everyone.
"My name is Nelson. I use a salad fork. La-dee-dah! I wash my face!"
Oscar looked freaked out.
"Where did you get that tutu?" Marge asked.
"Clothesline." said Homer.
"Dad for the last time I am not mud slinging to get Nelson to drop his candidacy..." Lisa sighed.
"Ooooooh! I drink tea..." Homer was still acting gay...
"Hey! I drink tea, chump!" Oscar snapped as he drank a cup of tea in a refined manner.
Homer scoffed.
After dinner.
"Homer where did you get that tutu?" Marge asked again.
"Uh... Bishop Desmond Tutu..." said Homer.
Oscar laughed.
"Clothesline!" Hank tried to perform a clothesline wrestling manoeuvre on Homer.
"Oof!" Homer was winded.
The next day at school.
Lisa saw more kids were running for Student Body president.
"Ralph your running for Student body president?!" Lisa asked.
"Yes! As president I will change America's currency to jelly beans! But no black jelly beans! Uh don't ask why..." said Ralph.
Lisa winced.
"And as president I shall force Disney to make Pete's Dragon 2!" Ralph screeched in a tantrum.
"Okay..." Lisa winced. "Why did I ever date him..."
...
The school auditorium, The candidates stand up at a lectern to announce their mandate.
"And we deserve a French teacher who actually speaks French! J'accuse Monsieur Jacobs..." Lisa yelled breaking into French and pointing to a 60s Italian American sat in the crowd.
"What is she yakkin' about?" said the 60's Italian American New Yorker who apparently is the French teacher...
"I rest my case." said Lisa.
"Oh have you my dear Lisa?" Martin cheered her on an made wooing gestures.
Lisa fluttered her eyelids at him romantically. Despite being put off by his nose picking habit...
"Actually people I must continue my point about the school hiring unqualified French teachers! As well as Mr Jacobs who clearly doesn't speak French... Our school once had Willie substitute as a French tutor..."
"Ach! Bonjoooooour! Ya cheese eating surrender monkeys!" said Willie dressed as a French mime.
Oscar laughed.
"Oz that is not funny nor accurate..." said Lisa.
"I also teach German too!" said Willie.
"Cool! Sign me up!" Oscar was delighted by his bigotry...
Next up was Nelson.
"Nelson, rebuttal?" Skinner asked.
"Yo, everyone, it's me, Nelson!" said Nekson.
Everyone cheered. "Nelson! Nelson!"
Nelson showed off his biceps.
Skinner sighed.
"Nelson your rebuttal..." he got impatient.
"Here's my rebuttal!" said Nelson mooning everyone.
Everyone gasped from seeing his bare ass.
Skinner face palmed embarrassed.
"Nelson that means either criticise Lisa's promises or state your own..." said Mrs Krabappel.
"Oh uh... Well I pledge whoever votes for me, I promise not to beat you up or steal your lunch money..." said Nelson.
Everyone cheered.
"Nelson! Nelson!"
Lisa sighed and sang parodies of songs from Evita...
"Like that Madonna song Don't cry for me Argentina..." said Oscar.
Later Madonna possesses Lisa in a very odd Exorcist storyline...
"I'm not that cool..." Lisa sang.
"No you're not!" Bart heckled.
"I don't wear jeans..." Lisa sang.
"I study genes..." Hugo sang.
Kearney punched him in the gut.
"I've polished an apple or two" said Lisa.
"We're bored of fruit..." said the teachers.
"Miss Hoover when I offered you a cupcake you berated me saying I was ruining your diet plan..." said Lisa.
Miss Hoover sighed.
...
Dinner.
"So how was your first political debate?" Marge asked Lisa.
"Terrible! Nelson is way too popular! And his pledges won't help fix the school! I maybe dull but I promise to tame Skinner's penny pinching and make sure we have proper learning materials..." said Lisa.
"Honey you need to fight dirty..." Bart snapped his fingers in a sassy manner.
"No! I am not stooping to slander!" said Lisa.
Bart sighed.
"Hellooooooo! Oh what delightful crockery!" Homer was acting gay again and wearing a tutu and a tiara. He was admiring the dinner plates.
Marge sighed.
"Well I'll vote for whoever promises to resurrect Teddy Roosevelt from the dead..." said Oscar being stupid.
Bart gawked at him.
"Uh no... and I prefer FDR..." said Lisa.
"Speak gravely and carry a big stick... for smashing skulls to get at the delicious braaaaaaaiiiiiins..." said Oscar.
Lisa winced.
"Oz seriously..." said Bart.
At Nelsons.
Nelson sighed poking at a raw carrot that was his dinner.
Mrs Muntz was passed out drunk at the dining table.
Nelson sighed.
"That's just a depressing insight into how my former boyfriend lives... poor Nelson..." said Lisa.
"Lisa you are too nice to be Student Body President..." said Bart.
Lisa scoffed. "What do you know?! The last time you were Student Body President yiu filled the school with asbestos and gave everyone lung cancer!" Lisa yelled.
"I was um obsessed back then..." said Bart.
Lisa sighed.
"Speaking of Teddy Roosevelt..." said Oscar.
"No zombies..." Lisa growled.
"I was about to say they are hiring Robin Williams to play him in Night at the Museum..." said Oscar.
"That's ridiculous! He's too silly!" said Homer.
"Well it is a comedy..." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed.
"Come on Oscar, eat your dinner..." Marge sighed.
...
School Auditorium.
Lisa and Ralph were debating.
"Our maps still say Ceylon instead of Sri Lanka..." said Lisa.
Skinner sighed. "We can't afford up to date maps..."
Everyone booed him.
"We can't afford them!" Skinner yelled.
"Ralph your rebuttal?" Skinner asked.
"I promise Mr Leprechaun to burn the monkeys! BURN THEM ALL!" Ralph yelled.
Everyone looked freaked out.
"Ralph you're losing them..." said Skinner.
"He's lost his marbles..." Milhouse said to Wendell.
"I also promise to take on Martin's pledge to have an alphabetised Science fiction section in the library that he should have been able to do but Oscar rigged the last election because he really likes my troublesome brother..." said Lisa.
"Yeah I regret helping Mr asbestos win..." said Oscar.
"Ralph?" Skinner asked Ralph to rebuttal.
"I pledge that the School anthem be changed to The Wiggles's Willaby Wallaby Woo!" said Ralph.
Everyone was silent except for crickets chirping.
Plot 3
School hallway.
Anyway Lisa won because canon says so.
Nelson sang Iron Man by Black Sabbath.
"I am Iron Man..." And so on and so forth.
He should have referenced Marvel's Iron Man..." said Oscar.
Bart sighed exasperated.
"Wow, she even beat perennial write-in candidate "Skinner Sucks. " said Skinner.
Bart laughed.
"I suppose that was you Simpson..." Skinner sighed.
"Gahahahaha! Guilty!" Bart laughed.
"Skiiiiiiiinnnneeeeerrrr! I'm worried. This girl is extremely popular and thinks for herself." said Chalmers. This next bit is funny...
"She's like a female Eleanor Roosevelt." He finished his dialogue.
Lisa winced.
"Uh..." said Bart.
"WHAT THE FUDGE?!" Oscar yelled.
"Sir... Eleanor Roosevelt is a woman..." said Hugo.
"Um... Skinner let's carry on this conversation in your office." said Chalmers. They close the door behind them.
"Serious what the fudge?!" Oscar yelled.
"It all makes sense! Wiggum doing drag as Eleanor Roosevelt..." said Bart.
"No it is not what your implying Bart! Chalmers just has a shocking lack of basic historical knowledge! How are we kids supposed to learn when the teachers don't know basic things like who FDR's wife was?!" said Lisa.
"I feel very freaked out right now..." said Oscar disgusted.
Skinner's office.
"Now where was I? Yes this Lisa is very popular! And unlike that other kid s real busy body!" said Chalmers.
"She's captured their imagination like a bright piece of construction paper."
We cut to the hallway. "Oh my gosh! Brightly coloured construction paper!" Oscar was delighted by brightly coloured flyer on the noticeboard.
"Yes. Well, we've got to find a way to control her." said Skinner. Hell no!
"Hey, maybe that escaped mental patient you've hired has some sort of toxin in his shack." Willie waves at them. "Yes. Hello, Willie."
Outside at recess.
"Oh gosh! Did you hear?!" Oscar yelled.
"Hear what..." Bart sighed.
"Willie is an escaped mental patient!" Oscar yelled.
Bart face palmed.
"I highly doubt it Oz..." said Bart.
...
Lisa was then given a presidential makeover.
"When can I become student body president?" Nelson whined.
"When Hell freezes over..." Chalmers laughed.
Suddenly Satan appeared in a bathrobe and a shower cap.
"STOP DOING THAT! EVERY TIME YOU MORTALS SAY "when Hell freezes over" MY CENTRAL HEATING BREAKS DOWN!" Satan yelled, The big red angry demon then vanished in a burst of Hellfire.
Chalmers grimaced.
And so the teachers gave Lisa makeover. she sang during the makeover.
"But you can't brainwash me Just OshKosh B'Gosh me!" Lisa sang.
Um... That's not a word Lisa...
"Hello American friends... I am Oskar Kokoshka." said Oskar in Hey Arnold.
"Fake name!" Oscar Tamaki yelled.
Eventually Lisa arrived having had a president worthy makeover.
Oscar has a nosebleed from being aroused and faints.
"Eeeeeew..." Lisa groaned.
"Well it's a bit much but there's no reason I can't look good and take back the playground from the gypsies." said Lisa.
Ace winced. There was a gypsy caravan with the gypsies from the episode In the Navy! nearby.
They caught a frisbee.
"My frisbee!" Milhouse whined.
"Is our frisbee now." said a gypsy boy.
"For the last time Oz! Romanian vampires are not gypsies!" Ace yelled.
"Filthy, disgusting, godless heathens..." said Judge Frollo.
"Now Frollo there's no need for racism..." said Oscar...
Bart winced.
"Hellfire! Dark fire!" Frollo sang.
Oscar face palmed.
Later... Oscar corrects the lyrics in Lisa's songs after Bart did earlier.
"I maybe the new girl..." Lisa was practicing her singing of her Evita parody songs...
"Lisa you are not the new girl... You've been at this school for years..." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed annoyed.
"And OshKosh B'gosh is not a word..." said Oscar.
"It's Hebrew... They have words that mean entire phrases..." said Lisa.
"Oy vey..." said Oscar.
Jurkel frowned at him for doing that...
"Hash Shamash..." said Oscar.
"Uh..." said Jurkel baffled.
...
Home at dinner.
"You look so successful. Like you're the wife of a businessman." said Homer looking at Lisa in her new look.
"I wish I'd married a businessman. Then I'd have nice things." Marge snapped. um...
"Can you guys not fight..." Bart groaned.
"Oh is it distressing you?! Wooooooooooooooo!" Homer made ghostly wails.
Bart sighed.
"Lord Moldybutt..." said Oscar. The plastered ceiling cracked.
"Oscar Tamaki do not mention that guy's name!" Hugo groaned.
"Lord Moldy-" Oscar tried to say but Hugo clamped his hand over his mouth, silencing him.
Marge sighed.
Flame Magmarashi, The Toon with black and red hair, and fire elemental powers and a tolerance for spicy food ordered a pizza.
"Yes, I would like to order a large pizza. For toppings, I would like mushrooms, anchovies, and the hottest peppers you can find!" The young Toon asked down the phone to a pizza parlour.
The students working there sighed.
At school. Lisa was annoyed the teachers weren't interested in her suggestions. Some were just unfeasible like them coming in early or handing out their home numbers...
"Are you just expecting me to let you just spend the school funds on luxuries?! No wonder there are cutbacks!" Lisa ranted.
"Stop being corrupt or feel the power of a Japanese school Student council!" Oscar yelled.
In Japanese schools, particularly in cartoons, the student council and body president have a lot authority...
Chalmers and Skinner sighed.
"Also you call yourselves teachers! Chalmers doesn't even know Eleanor Roosevelt IS a woman!" Oscar ranted.
"Well I did used to teach!" said Chalmers annoyed. More on this in a later episode.
"We want up to date reading materials!" Lisa ranted.
"And proper periodic tables!" Oscar added. "Not ones with Bolongnium on them..."
"What is the atomic number of Bolognium?" Mrs Krabappel. asked her class.
"Um... delicious?" Martin replied.
"Eh..." said Mrs Krabappel.