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Warning: Mammals behaving badly.

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"I mean why are you waiting! Arrest that jerk."

"Me, the jerk. You're the one…"

"The one you planted howlers in his locker to frame him up!" the red squirrel yelled, pointing hard at the grey one across from him.

The grey squirrel scoffed, looking over to see a very tired looking Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps sitting back in their seats, looking… tired. Just tired. "What the cuss are you doing, arrest this wimp! That's your cussing job!"

"No," Nick sighed, leaning forward and levelling a gaze between the pair. "Our job is to find out who is behind these howler plantings… Or rather, as we know who is behind them…"

"Yes," the grey squirrel said, jabbing a finger at the red one. "Him!"

"-Find the mammal being contracted out to plant them."

"So, what," the grey squirrel scoffed, paws on hips. "You're gonna let this howler planter go? Just write it off…"

He was cut off as Judy interrupted him. "We're going to check and see whether or not this is another in the same spree, or a copycat attack, though the likelihood of that is…"

"Well if you're looking for your planter there he is!" the red squirrel hissed, pointing a finger at the grey one and giving a few squirrel hisses for good measure. "This is the fascist piece of filth who'd do such a thing, he's doing it to set up throwing me out so…"

"Then why the cuss would I plant these things three times before getting to you?" the grey squirrel scoffed. "Naw, I know what the cuss is going on here. You and your stupid species like to play 'the victim', so you set it all up so it looks like I'm the one planting these things so these mammals come in and you dupe them into arresting me! Then you deal with the rest of my species you pathetic, useless, losers!"

"Okay!" Nick cut in, paws coming down and slowly moving the two away from each other. The fox turned his head to give a glare down at the larger, grey furred, individual. "One, there were two other plantings. Two, in each case we know who did it. Three, and pardon my silver tongue for not even caring at this point, but SHUT THE CUSS UP THE BOTH OF YOU!"

There was a long pause, the two small rodents taking a step back, Nick making sure each one got a good stink eye from him. "Now, when I was a teen-kit your two species and that fact that they can't make nice had a knock on effect that technically resulted in me facing my only actual legitimate encounter with the other side of the law. Something I find very annoying, given that I prided myself in skipping that surface without ever touching it. So," he said, leaning down and looking at each of them. "This is a matter of personal pride for me. So, I advise you get past yours, swallow it down, realise that this fighting is exactly what the mammal who actually planted these howlers wanted, and make up."

The fox lifted his paw from the table, giving each squirrel an eye over. And then, Nick Wilde, smiled. "Come on, shake paws. Smile!"

…

"I said, SMILE!" he said, holding up a pair of small mammal prisoner transport cages. "Or, I can arrest you for causing a public disturbance. Try me."

There was a long pause, the two squirrels looking at Nick, then slowly down at each other, before their eyes narrowed. And, slowly, they approached, step after step, paws slowly coming out and…

The grey squirrel suddenly brought his paw to his mouth and gave a wet cough-sneeze into it, moving it back down and smiling at the mammal across from him.

"Oh no," the red squirrel said, backing away. "Oh no you pox passer!"

The grey squirrel blinked, turning up. "What!? See, look at that, look at…"

"One, SHUT UP!" Nick warned, finger out. "Two, stop being a jerk, and use your other paw. The both of you."

"...Why are you taking his side," the grey squirrel glared, crossing his paws.

"I'm not…" the fox grimaced. "I…"

"You just let him call me a pox passer!"

"You gave a very artificial sneeze knowing it would…" Nick began, before shaking his head. "No. Shake paws. Left paw. Now!"

The red squirrel gave a very suspicious look at the grey one before, slowly, reaching out with his left paw. The grey mammal stood where he was.

"One," Nick warned, holding up three fingers before pulling one down.

"He basically called me our version of the P-word…"

"Two…"

"He was the one caught with the howlers!"

"Three…"

"And you're gonna arrest…" He broke off, marching over with his left paw and gripping the red squirrel's one hard, giving it a few thrusts up and down, a massive fixed grin on his muzzle as he did so. And, with a final throw down, he marched off.

"Right," Nick sighed. "Now that the stupid is over…"

"Find some paw sanitiser," the red squirrel said, giving a glare over at the grey mammal.

"OH YOU DID NOT!"

Nick face pawed as the grey squirrel began yelling again.

"What!?" the red one asked, shrugging and looking 'all innocent', "He coughed, might have a really nasty disease, might…"

"Oh here we go," the grey one groaned, putting on a sing-song voice. "Let's just blame my species for being a vector of some historic disease that hurt my great, great, great grandaddy…"

"It wasn't just some disease, it was genocide!" the red squirrel hissed.

"Genocide?" The grey squirrel laughed. "Says the red furred mammal from an island that spread all over the world, toppling empires so they could drink tea." He began marching around. "Colonise, colonise, colonise, colonise…"

"Pah!" the red one yelled. "That's nothing compared to back home where my ancestors came from. You wiped us out, purged us, there used to be no problem but you came over all…" He began tapping his palm against his mouth and doing a children's style native american chant as he pow-wowed around the table. "HO-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW'ing on the boats over and then coming into our cities, spreading your diseases, and slaughtered us! You out number us twenty to one now in our homeland! How is that not a genocide, how is that not…"

"It was a disease," Judy cut in, glaring at him. "Just like miximetosys, something that can kill ninety-nine percent of my species. That came from some species of rabbit in south america to whom it's nothing more than a mild flu. Do I hate them for it? No. Because it wasn't their fault and there's now a cussing VACCINE!"

There was a long pause, the red squirrel giving an irritated chitter. "Oh, now you're taking his side!"

"No," the bunny groaned.

"See!" he yelled, "you're all on his side."

At which point the bunny yelled out. "He just said that Nick was on your side."

The pair looked at each other, before pointing a finger at the opposing cops. "You're just siding with him because he's the same colour, right?"

"No," Nick groaned. "We're siding against you as you're both a bunch of, and right now I don't care that this is a frowned upon slur, because right now I think you've both earned it and I don't care to be the better mammal here, nutjobs!"

The red squirrel paused for a second, before pointing his finger at himself. "For generations my ancestors ran nut and acorn farms. We were proud nutjobs, but guess who wiped them out, stole the farms, and runs them now. Huh!?"

"Well who else was going to! It's your species fault for having a cuss immune system, conker!"

"... Oh no you didn't!"

"Yes I did. After all the slurs you gave me!"

"Far less," Nick sighed. "Than you gave him, if any. But really…"

"SEE!" the grey squirrel yelled. "HE IS TAKING YOUR SIDE!"

"No," the red one chittered. "I've been trying to hold back against…"

"-There's a reason you're called Sciurus Vulgaris!"

"Says the… -Says the giant sissy Sciurus Carolinenus."

The grey squirrel burst down laughing. "That the best you can do?"

"Oh, you'd just like me to say something offensive," the red squirrel chittered. "You great big stinking coloniser, looking to paint me as some giant savage, some uncontrollable…"

"-Your species is from Eurasia, your ancestors the British Isles, correct?" Nick asked, sounding like he wasn't sure why he was even bothering.

"Yes! And…"

"So you're on the other side of a completely different continent, and claiming you've been colonised by him."

"...He colonised this area too! Eastern grey squirrel, not Western, and that pox filled, pathological, pathetic excuse for a…"

"Okay," Nick sighed, "I'm done." And with that he brought out the cage, slammed the open end down on the red squirrel, and shut the sliding door underneath him. "You are hereby under arrest for resisting arrest, wasting police time and… uh, oh yeah, refusing to cooperate in an investigation into why nighthowler pellets were found in your locker."

"...BECAUSE HE PLANTED THEM!" the red squirrel yelled, pointing at the laughing grey one. "It was him, always him, he wants to wipe us out, the speciesist, vicious, savage…"

As Nick carried on mirandizing him, the grey squirrel kept on laughing. "Heyo, enjoy time in the big house," he said, leering at him. "I heard there's plenty of friends you can make there. Flu, distemper, hepatitis A, B, C, good old TB, a pox here, a…"

He was cut off as a second cage slammed down on him, the sliding door underneath coming in to lock him up. He blinked a few times, before staring up and thrusting a paw out at Judy. "TRAITOR!"

"You are hereby under arrest…" the tired bunny began.

Not that either Nick or Judy shut the pair up.

If anything, they only got louder and louder, even as they were moved out of direct eye contact as the cops moved out of the room, moving past a giant scurry of squirrels sitting out and waiting. "Yo," one of them said. "Is Mr Oakley gonna be coming back or…"

"Nah," another replied. "He and Mr Squaloli got in another one of their arguments."

Nick sighed, holding the caged red squirrel in his paws up so he could see the kids, in particular the one who'd first spoken. "Look," he said. "Red squirrel."

Judy held up her one and pointed at the second kid. "Grey squirrel."

"They get along," Nick added, as Judy finished it off.

"Like normal mammals."

There was a long pause, before the two kids in question laughed. "Dude, I'm a fox squirrel."

"Western grey," the other added.

"Yeah, if I were a euro red."

"And I an eastern grey."

They began miming killing each other, Nick and Judy only able to groan and carry the still bickering and screaming adult squirrels out.

.

Something they were still at when they were taken out in the back lot of the ZPD Precinct One Building and taken in for booking. "You know," Nick groaned, as the grey squirrel began going off about how red squirrels were pathological liars. In particular, citing infamous former aquanaut and marine biologist Dr Sandy Cheeks who, after several years in an underwater habitat in Bikini Atoll to study the effects of long term marine habitation and monitor up close the lasting effects of past nuclear testing on the wildlife, reported such oddities as a fast food restaurant in a crab pot owned, operated and run by a talking crab, with a talking flutist squid with severe depression as its main teller and a sentient cuboid talking sponge as the primary fry cook. "When they ask us why we didn't just arrest them right away…"

Judy looked up, as the red squirrel began scoffing and saying that grey squirrels were pathological liars, as Sandy Cheeks had been a fox squirrel. Indeed, after her brief escape from the Doellas-Fort Woof State mental hospital and subsequent breaking in to the Baalington Stadium during the Super Bowl halftime show, during which she had proceeded to rest up a squid stolen from a nearby fishmonger, complete with an attached flute, and a kitchen sponge she'd put in to a pair of pants before playing along to 'their' magnum opus 'Sweet Victory' on live national TV, it had been a grey squirrel on the commentators box who'd mispecied her as a red. With a whole bunch of, 'well what do you expects' to boot.

Regardless, Judy ignored him and Nick carried on. "-We can tell them that if we arrested them we'd have to deal with this through the entire car ride, and entire booking process."

There was a pause for a second, before Judy marched up and grabbed the cage from under Nick's paw and thrust the both of them, still bickering, towards a nearby booking officer. She smiled. "They're his problem now!" And, with that, she took Nick's paw and marched off.

.

"URGHHH!" She groaned, marching around the lobby of the Precinct.

All as a slightly annoyed looking Bogo began marching up. "Hopps. Wilde. Explain why you're here."

Nick looked at Bogo, raising an eyebrow. "Squirrels," he said, pointing down at her and sighing. "First time."

"Understood," he groaned, beginning to move off only to pause as a frustrated looking Oates came up to him. "Congratulations on the koala."

Nick and Judy paused, sighing in relief at the news of a missing mammal being found. "You know," the bunny began, "I'm looking forward to telling Jack."

"The striped bunny?" Oates began. "Oh, he knows all right."

Judy's ears slowly drooped down. "What's the problem…?"

"The problem is that that eucalyptus muncher is a right on Sandy Cheeks. Complete looney. At first when found and taken into Precinct Three he stated he hadn't been missing and there was no issue, and he just wanted to go and not 'cause a fuss'. At which point hare guy stated that something was really wrong with him. Something proven as when, let out, he immediately remembered a one-eyed wolf for a second…" That raised some eyebrows. "Then decided that it was actually Rattigan behind everything, not that he could remember much other than him being based in the crappiest, trashiest, poorest parts of town and trying to raise a scum uprising with nighthowlers on their side. And he had to, just had to, get to Precinct One and only Precinct One to tell us. -And when he got here he at length told Clawhauser how he was joeynabbed by a bear who's now hanging out at a 'karate palace.'"

There was a long pause, Nick and Judy looking at each other before looking back. "WHAT!?"

"I know too," the horse shrugged. "Anyway, sent him to the crazy house."

"I…" Nick began, before shaking his head. "Okay, yeah, I can see that."

"But still…" Judy began.

"-Makes a very iffy alcoholic drink," came a very familiar voice. They all looked over to see a slightly worn looking Mr Fox.

Nick smiled, paws on hips. "Ah, what did you do this time? Attack an overly aggressive swan?"

Oates huffed. "Well, if he did, we might finally find out who mutilated Simon the Swan, honorary park ranger of Flanders Park. Rest in peace." He dipped his head a little.

"No, just battle my evil doppleganger with help from a skunk," the fox smiled, all eyes turning to him. "What, don't you watch the news? Look, they're doing a repeat, right now."

Up they looked as it was repeated out on a public TV screen, all bar Mr Fox's eyes widening out as it went on. "It's…" Nick began, looking to and fro. "It's… Could it be the same fake Kris, or Slylock or…" He closed his eyes, groaning. "There's something about that face."

Bogo shook his head. "Well whatever it is, I'm getting tired of all this nonsense going on in my city. Who have we got on this, how are we monitoring all this nonsense, where are we on the plan?"

"The plan!?" All eyes turned to the bunny who'd almost laughed that out. "We don't have one. But they do…" She threw her paws up. "He's just making up nonsense for us to keep ourselves busy with. Do this, do that, fight that fire here, there, wherever, chase a lead out in Bunnyburrow or not." She laughed. "We don't have a plan, and he's winning! And he's gonna beat us, because we're just doing that instead of charging out and doing something! Anything?"

She threw her head out into a laugh, before coming down in a facepaw.

The room fell quiet as, finally, she sighed. "Apologies… I…" Shaking a little, she stood up, head down, paw coming up in a small salute. "Apologies for that outburst sir, I… I just, it just came and… Not becoming of an officer…"

"You're right, Hopps."

"I know," she nodded, "I…"

"We've been on the defensive for too long," he carried on, the bunny shaking her head and blinking. "It's time to go on the offensive." He turned down to Nick and Judy. "Get the other detectives, find a room, get a board and put everything we know on there. Figure something out, anything, and then…" He gave an ominous look. "We set the agenda."

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"So," Duke said, pausing as he and Little John stepped through a puddle and up to an elevator. "We set the agenda."

"That was the plan," the bear began, pressing the button.

There was a long pause. "And it is…"

"Wait a second, you don't have a plan!?"

"Hey," Duke scolded, "it was your idea, where's your plan?"

"Where's my plan?" he asked, about to launch into something only to pause. He winced back, covering his nose as the lift door opened.

The pair looked in, eyes widening, before the weasel yelled out. "GET A ROOM YOU… AW CRAP!"

The bear immediately whisked him away, barrelling over to the stairs, going up and around before finally sitting themselves down. "Okay," he huffed. "We're safe…" he breathed in, he breathed out. "For now."

"Yeah," Duke groaned. "At least those are the kind that handstand before they spray."

"But seriously," the bear grumbled, pointing down. "Three of them! In a public elevator!"

"Well at least I can guess why they don't do it in a room," the weasel grumbled, before shaking his head. "There's a literally stinking reason they used to have their spray glands removed at birth! Why did we stop it!?"

The bear paused, looking down. "Because mutilating a child like that without his or her consent is generally a really cussed up thing to do?"

The weasel paused, gesturing back to where they'd come from. "More than that!?"

The bear's eyes narrowed. "Oh sure, so they shouldn't have bothered to wait for you to do a crime, they should have just booked you and the other weasels in right after… -Oh wait a second, given your record before even leaving school, just in case…"

"Woah, do I look like I have an organ that does that," Duke huffed, paws on his hips… Or rather as far down his body as they would go. "You know, making dumb false equivalencies like that never does your side any favours or anything."

"Fine, fine," the bear grumbled. "Okay, how would you feel about your musk gland getting cut out when you were a tiny baby kit or something so you didn't make a stink."

"Given that it's a pointless thing that don't do me no good unless someone literally has their face in my bum, I don't give a cuss."

"You're just saying that to win the argument."

"No… It means no more to me than my appendix."

Little John groaned, paws on his head. "Well fine! What if it was your claws they clipped off at birth."

The weasel drew a blank look. "I literally need these to allow me to grasp things."

"Yeah, so how would you feel…"

Duke facepawed. "It's nuthin' like a projectile stink weapon attached to your body! Stop with these falsified equivalencies."

"Or maybe," the bear groaned. "Actually grasp the core point of the issue."

"Or maybe realise that something like that just happened, and we saw it," the weasel said, pointing back towards the lift shaft.

"Uh, bodily autonomy? Innocent until proven guilty? Those things ring a bell?"

"...Yes, but after seeing that I think a little sacrifice should be made for the greater good," Duke shrugged off.

Little John narrowed his eyes as he looked down at the weasel. "I'm guessing I won't change your mind on this?"

Duke threw up his paws. "Probably not. I'm pretty sure you think I'm a cussed up disgusting mammal for my opinions."

"Yes."

"Well, fair enough, but at least I ain't those guys… Gals… I really didn't get a good enough look, thank god."

"Yeah," Little John said. "You just saw the snapshot and let your disgust lead you on." He paused. "Maybe that is the plan, try and make it so these guys don't let their disgust lead them."

"Yeah no, I don't think it was really disgust leading them in the dumb-dumb meetup last time," the weasel said.

The bear paused to think a little. "I guess. Shame, thought I'd found what splits Loxey's puppets out from normal mammals there."

"Heck no," Duke scoffed. "I mean if we're talking about disgust, your guys and followers are the ones who really let that little yellow-green emotion guide them."

Little John stared at the weasel for a second. "Really?"

A little finger was pointed up at him. "Didn't you say something about being disgusted with me less than a literal minute ago, huh?"

"And I said that I could move past that disgust, unlike…"

"Unlike all your little allies and friends all over the interwebs," the weasel rattled off. "Trust me, I've seen them all over preddit. Cuss it, there's a whole group of mammals like you who've decided cars are the most disgusting nasty thing there is and do a whole interweb circle-preening over it."

The bear gave him an odd look before throwing out his arms. "Where the cuss did that come from? And why are you looking at me like I'm one of them? Do you know how often I've saved up the data allowance on the phones we pick up to stream a NASCAR race or something?"

"I didn't say you were one of them. Don't be disingenuous all of a sudden. I'm just laying out that they're a bunch a stuck up guys I'm pretty sure would be on your side, or more yours than mine, who go around doing…" He pointed over to the lift. "The skunk thing to each other posting about how they hate cussing cars."

"Why are you trying to pin this on our side?"

"Why aren't you calling them out as the jerkwads they are."

Little John blinked. "Because aren't we going to a bunch of people with much worse opinions than that to try and win them over? So yeah, I may not like them but I'm not standing by when you're making up rules for me but not for thee. Anyway, chances are they mainly just want better public transport or something…"

"-I mean they say that," Duke said. "But nah, ninety-nine percent of the time it's doing the skunk thing to each other, designing posters about how cars are horrible disgusting icky things and raging against them and all that 'cause it's fun."

"-Is it me or are you the one most obsessed with these cuss car mammals here. Hmmm, I wonder why?"

"Because they're stupid idiots and I have spare time to look at them and laugh. Anyways, all I was saying was these are guys more on your side than mine, and are absolutely having a ton of fun with each other being disgusted over things most of us see as being actually really useful and, oh I don't know, like. So don't think your side is above 'not seeing past their disgust' too."

"You know, by the sound of it, you sound pretty disgusted by them too," Little John began. "And who knows, the poorer you are the less of a chance of a nice fast cool car you have, and speaking from experience of not having one for god knows how long, actual good public transit would…"

"Urghhh," Duke cut in, paws on his face. "You could just be, 'yeah cars are really useful but why not have great buses and trains too' or something so everyone can be happy, but nah. Tearing down the really useful thing a lot of us like, and is actually useful, because… Well, guess it's not you guys giving us what you have declared we need."

"It's called being a considerate and/or thoughtful mammal. -And I like cars. I was LITERALLY saying what you wanted me to say, and you ignored it. Wanting to, I don't know, carry on doing the skunk thing with your internal monologue?"

"Fine, fine," Duke waved off, sticking a finger into an ear to dig around. "Maybe misheard you a little, no need to be on my tail." He popped the digit out, flicking the small glob of wax away. "Besides, I was so bored once I went looking for an actual non-circle-preening place on Preddit discussing that stuff. I mean there was one, and that place was super popular, always on the front page, NOT! But in comes cuss cars, and all our very considerate moral guardians all flock to it. Ugh, they're like those guys who post pictures of a power plant with a few wind turbines sprinkled around, and say 'oooh boohoo shame that turbine ruined the view'."

Little John just stood there, scratching the side of his head. "What the cuss is that even supposed to mean?"

"They're being disingenuous," the weasel groaned. "You'd need hundreds and hundreds of them turbines to do the same as that coal plant and you'd mess up the view of way, way more mammals! And if an idiot like me can work that out, then they have no excuse that they aren't bigger idiots!"

"Well maybe tough, I'd take that over the burning planet. Maybe you're being disingenuous by not grasping the core point of the issue. Next you'll try and change the subject along or something, 'what happens if the wind isn't blowing?'"

"And what the heck if it isn't?

The bear gave what, unbeknownst to him, was a peak 'well I don't know dumb-dumb' expression that could only be beaten by an unknown far off cousin of his who lived as a hermit in a well known national park, foraging and hunting for food like a savage along with stealing picnic baskets from the tourists with his best friend (who, in what would be a coincidence if Nick Wilde or Finnick was with them, had a form of dwarfism that commonly led to mammals mistaking him for the other bears son). Regardless, Little John shook his head and scoffed, gesturing out at Duke. "Oooh, look at this mammal calling me disingenuous and then asking me that."

"What," Duke scoffed. "Insulting me as you don't even have an answer?"

"Batteries! There's your painfully obvious answer."

"How many? How much will they cost? Have ya done the maths? You can't just say a one word answer like that and think you have the solution! Again, dis-in-gen-u-ous. That's like saying, 'how do we stop world hunger', 'FOOD'."

"Ah," Little John said, crossing his arms. "We all know we actually do make enough food, it's inequality and distribution that's the problem. You need a political solution…"

"Yeah," the weasel waved off. "And deep down you all know that that solution is invading the cusshole places around the world, yeeting out the warlords and crooked local leaders that stop the food actually getting to the hungry there, and not the vague 'revolution' or whatever you're actually implying is needed back here where it ain't a problem! Of course if anyone in power actually did that your side would all throw a hissy fit…"

"What am I, if not a political solution? And why are we even arguing this stuff!?"

"Because you're being disingenuous!"

"I'm being disingenuous," the bear said, throwing his paws back at him. "You're the one trying to make excuses for enforced skunk musk gland removal."

"I'm not making excuses, I'm pointing out it'd save the rest of us from whatever that was back there!"

"And I'm pointing out you can't just carve out organs of mammals on the vague chance you might encounter something like that once in your life!"

"Not just that, the fact that any skunk can just blast you if they want and stink the place up. And I'm the disgusting one for saying we should do something against the disgusting?"

"Well if that something is mass mutilation of kits, I do. Is that still what you think should be done?"

Duke looked at him for a second before smiling, paws out and wide. "You know what, yes I do. And I ain't gonna change. Now, given that we're on a mission together, what you gonna do?"

There was a long pause before an evil smile grew across the bear's face. "Volunteer you to make the skunk thing a foursome."

"What -Oh crap…" He leapt back, body tossing itself around as the bear lunged in to try and catch him. "Haha! You didn't think this one through!" He said, as he raced around the frustrated bear, unable to get anywhere close to him with his paws.

"Listen, you're gonna take part in that skunk orgy whether you like it or…"

"HEY!" A new voice yelled. "Get a room you two."

They paused, turning to see another weasel, albeit a least weasel half the size of Duke, looking towards them with an angry scowl on his face. He glared at Little John as if the size difference was reversed, then at the other weasel in the group, hardening further. "Especially you," he said, sighing a little, paw over his face. "Sometimes I wonder why I bother campaigning against the way our kind is treated, when we keep on getting mammals happy to give those who hate us fodder like this!"

"I…" Little John paused, "Sorry, we were just having a difference of opinion over an incident involving a group of skunks in that lift."

Duke snorted. "Difference? You wanted to convince me that getting rid of their spray weapons was a terrible idea by tossing me in with them."

"It wasn't convincing, it was giving you what you deserved."

Duke groaned, only to be cut off as the small weasel walked past him in a huff. "Fine," the smaller weasel said, paw on head. "I suppose, maybe I overreacted to you, and that ire sounds like it'd be better spent on…" He took in a few sniffs through his nose. "Okay, yes," he said, face scowling. "Yeah, they really need a talking down to."

Duke paused, sniggering a little. "Hey, can I watch you try. From a safe distance?" Little John gave a conspicuous cough, which earned a glance up from the larger of the two weasels. "Come on, you know you want to."

…

"Psss, join me on the dark side!"

"Just to let you know," Little John said, focussing on the smaller weasel. "If you're for weasel dignity or whatever, I'm guessing that involves your dignity too. So for your and your causes sake… don't get involved. Please, unless you have a biohazard suit it won't end good!"

The least weasel gave a sigh. "I suppose you have a good point. Also, it's mustelid dignity. Coalition for the Reclamation and Advancement of Mustelid Perception," he clarified, bringing out a small card. One that even Duke would struggle to read. "I was just getting back from what I thought would be an interesting meeting of like minded mammals," he said, his tone darkening. "Instead, I'm finding that they're not even the stupidest thing I'm hearing about this hour."

"Stupid you say?" Duke asked.

The small weasel gave an irritated shudder. "Conspiracy theorists, barely disguised pred supremacy, you name it, I saw it and was out of there before I could even bring up the lack of funding for the nocturnal school system. Anyway," he said, yawning a little. "Speaking of that, it's late for me and I need to be off. Have a good day."

With that he wandered off to the stairs, scurrying down the small mammal steps built into the side.

Duke looked at Little John and Little John looked at Duke. "You just had to spoil what could have been a lotta fun," the weasel huffed.

The bear smiled. "I just had to be a considerate mammal."

Duke rolled his eyes before stepping forward. "Well, I suppose we have one thing we can bank on now."

"What's that?" the bear asked, scratching his head.

"An icebreaker for the conspiracy party," he said, leading the way. "Oh this is gonna be fun," he began to sing. "This is…"

A mass of trash crashed down on him, freezing him and silencing his rendition where it was. A sharp turn up and he glared into the eyes of a she-wolf, pulling back her can through her window. "I could just about deal with that racket, but your singing! Oh no, that's where I always draw the line."

The weasel just stared, blinking. "What the cuss are you doing here? Don't you live near the station, where you dumped trash on me last time! …Karen!"

"I fell on hard times, okay!" she yelled, giving him one last look before closing her window. It then burst open again. "And it's Ellen!" She yelled, slamming it shut.

"Okay," the weasel muttered. "Well…"

It burst open again. "And you implying his entire argument is stupid and his side is dumb due to a minority of vocal actors that he himself says he doesn't agree with, but is just giving some level of common decorum that is far lower than what you demand for yourself, but a thousand times more than you will give anyone else, means you're the disingenuous one here. Got it?"

It slammed closed again, Little John smiling. "I like her."

"And she's fallen on hard times," Duke said, wiping off the last of the trash and walking on, smiling as he went. "That makes me feel better."

The window swung open one last time. "And you're still a loser."

The bear rolled his eyes, but wandered on nonetheless.

.

.

"That's what causes that cussed up smell!?" Alice yelled, a lone voice of outrage amongst the ongoing laughter. "A skunk orgy, in the lift!"

Breaking from her own laughter, the hyena from last time leant down, pointing a finger at the swift fox vixen. "You'd better break out the cigarettes then," she said, crossing her paws in front of her. "Stink that place back up to how it's meant to smell."

The sandy coloured vulpine stared back, her tail swishing from irritation. "Don't see why it's funny for you. That freak show poop-smearer stuff's bad enough, but stinking up our lift?"

"Hey, hey," the bobcat, Meister Morderbritches if Duke remembered correctly, said. "You still got to admit, the new guy can spin a good tale, huh?"

"Why thank you," Little John said, sitting down and nodding his head. "And glad to make your acquaintance."

"Uh hu," the Meister agreed, smiling. "I think I'm gonna like you. Just…" He paused, squinting at the clothes the bear was wearing. "Is that… wool?"

Little John repressed an eye roll and looked down, picking at it. "Don't think it is. But nothing wrong with a bit of wool, is there?"

"Apart from supporting the sheep," the bobcat said.

Little John remained silent for a second, the gap filled in by a snip from Duke. "Yeah. Buy cashmere. Help out the goats instead."

"I… Well they're obviously guilty by association, so…"

"Ah," the weasel smiled. "We go naked then. Probably what Mr Au-naturale would advise us to do too." He gestured over at the badger in the wheelchair, who gave him an odd look.

"-I mean, not like you're eating it and it's messing up your digestive tract…" he said, using the remote control on his chair to move him closer to the table. A few mammals around it made way for him, the grouping having increased since the last time Duke was present.

"Yeah, but we shouldn't be giving those grazers one cent," Meister said, prompting some discussion as a wolf came over.

"I mean, if we're only supporting our own kind, weren't all the first clothes made of felt we made from our own sheddings."

A few nods or murmurs ran around the room, Duke raising an eyebrow and speaking out. "Or you could wear cotton, or linen, or plastic stuff." His eyes met with the wolf who'd suggested the idea for a second, as if waiting for something to spark off, only for the large canine to shrug and laugh.

"Yeah, suppose we do."

"I mean," Little John said, stepping in again. "I don't have anything against sheep or wool or stuff. Give them a fair price for their wool if I want some." He paused, giving a long side-eye at Duke for a second. "I like the idea of boosting us guys up, not dragging others down."

There was a round of quiet around the room, a few murmurs, as a sea otter spoke up. "Yeah, I mean I want to make life better for us. Don't have to make it harder on land to make it easier on sea, know what I mean?"

"Except," Meister cut in, "don't they put in crazy regulations on the fishing industry?" He walked forward, looking down at him. "They vote in crazy catch regulations. They make us pay for licences to gather natural foods, or criminalise it all together, call it poaching or whatever. While they're free to go out and eat all the vegetation they want."

"Uh-hu," the wheelbound badger said, looking at the bear. "Do you know why that idea won't work? Prey love outsourcing their morality." He looked around, waiting for someone to ask him what he meant by that before launching into it regardless. "Think about it. They vote for this, they vote for that, they choose this, they choose that. They do it because they think it's the considerate thing, or the moral thing, or whatever. Maybe it is a nice idea, if you're a kit who doesn't realise someone's trying to feed themselves or keep their family in a home on the other side of it." His eyes narrowed. "But to them, it's a sacrifice worth making, so they push it through, and they get all the feel good feeling of having done something 'nice', while it's us who are the ones acuaaly paying."

"Yeah," the hyena, Shenzi, huffed. "And then when we complain about it, or try and say no, guess what they do?"

"We're the disgusting evil bad guys," the badger said, looking over to the sea otter. "So that's why we need to fight back."

"Let me get this straight," Little John said, breaking the air. Duke looked at him, stepping back, wondering just where this was going and how the massive ursid would square up against the rest of the predators there if he ticked them off the wrong way. "So you feel that they're making decisions to make the world a better place, and in doing so you're getting the short end of the stick… So, you want to make the world a worse place to spite them, or…"

"A better place for us!" Shenzi spoke, getting a round of nods.

Little John nodded. "Okay, but in doing so you don't have to make it a worse place for them."

"Yeah," Alice said, "but guess what, we can."

The wolf shrugged. "They want us to be bad guys? Well let us be the bad guys."

The bear remained silent, as Meister added on. "It's about time they learnt what it felt like. They think they can run and ruin our lives, well we're gonna turn all their little sick pet projects to dust. Show 'em what it's like."

He got a short sharp round of cheers and applause from the group. Shenzi cackled. "Whenever I see prey I always try and eat the crunchiest, loudest food, snapping those bones and baring my teeth as much as I can. Hahahaha! Ooooh, you should see those softies squirm."

There were whoops and calls from around the table, the badger smirking. "As speciesists that can't accept us should. Nice."

"I remember this other fishermammal on this stoogey prey network who started munching a fish head on live TV!" the sea otter began to chuckle. "You could feel them squirm. It was so funny!"

There were rounds of laughter, even Duke smiling a bit before he looked up, trying to figure out what kind of look was on Little John's face. He was expecting frustrated or disappointed or disgusted, but instead…

"You know, I'm curious," the bear said. "-I get the sentiment, though I know a lot of nice prey mammals who are maybe squeamish but have never done nothing wrong for me. -And I guess I just feel bad about making them feel uncomfortable. I like to make mammals I like feel comfortable, and I like plenty of them. I do odd jobs for them, they get me some comfy warm wool for myself. Eh, maybe I'm too sentimental. -But, I actually met a mammal coming down as we were going up."

Duke nodded along. "Yeah, this little weasel or…"

"Oh," the wheelchair bound badger nodded. "That guy."

"Yeah," Little John said. "He mentioned he was into this mustelid reputation group, and was trying to campaign for properly funding the nocturnal schools or…"

"Yeah," the badger said, "but he was a total killjoy, then a pretentious 'I'm better than you-er'. Know what I mean?"

Little John cast a brief glance down at Duke before looking back, shrugging. "I'm familiar with the sentiment. But still, that nocturnal school thing sounds like it'd actually be something super useful right up your alley to work on."

They were broken off by a short huff from a cacomistle, the larger cousin of a ringtail waving his paws up. "Yeah, I know they're bad," he said, a slight hispanic accent in his voice. "But you know why? They insist they use their own buildings, their own staff. Far more expensive, wastes money. Just use the daytime schools, they're empty at night!"

Again, he was met by a round of nods, only for Shenzi to speak. "Nope, we got to keep them separate," she said, finger coming down. "We let the prey start getting their paws on our school system, they'll start putting in place all these prey ideas and what not. Not that they're already trying. Not that they're already succeeding," she said, thrusting her paw out at Duke and Little John.

The pair both looked at each other, the weasel then cutting into the hyenas ongoing rant. "-Uh, why did you point at us when you said that?"

She broke off, giving them an incredulous look. "How… The skunk orgy!"

Duke's mouth opened a little, before he shook his head and thrust out his paws. "Okay, waidamminint, how the cuss is that a prey thing!?"

"Yeah," Little John nodded. "I'm not getting it. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't the whole reason people don't like sheep is that they're mindless conformists, repressing you know what and saying we all have to live a certain exact same way…"

"No, no, I get it," the cacomistle said, stepping forward, unsure of his words as he went. "My little girl, she goes to daytime school. And she is young. But they start giving her all these weird things. Confusing things. Things that don't make sense, but as she is taught them she thinks they do. They are trying to confuse her, make her think like them. I mean, one day she brings home this book, from the library… It talks about 'prey and predator' not being real, or…" He rapped his fingers on the table. "Or not being fixed, being 'social construct' or 'relative'. That is the main word they use. Of how nighthowler crisis was prey being the predators, but prey are not predator. My daughter is not prey. Prey are prey. We are predators."

Again, a round of agreement rose up from the table, Meister raising his voice. "Yeah, typical sheep tactic. They lost the nighthowler case, so now they're… What, using it to try and erase our identity! Demoralise us, prey-ify us even more than they were before."

"Pieces of scat," Alice nodded on, more rounds of agreement coming out.

"That's why we gotta keep our schools our own, stop them getting to our cubs," Shenzi said, fist raised as the wheelchair bound badger raised a paw.

"More than that, we've got to stop that kind of false media coming through, we've got to break the hold they're having on our kits. Messing their heads up, so rather than learning to be key cogs in our packs, they're just free floating in a herd, ready to be herded this way or that for the prey's benefit."

Again, Little John nodded, very quiet for a while. "I mean, I heard someone talk about those 'Prey can be Predator too' videos being shown to help stop preds getting bullied after the crisis. Help stop this idea that predators was a bad term, or that we were the only ones that could cause harm. You know, add a bit of justice in."

"Justice?" the wolf from earlier asked. "Oooh no, prey can be mean too. Like we didn't know that, like that's 'justice'. Like that affects them in any way."

"Not that it doesn't cause them to throw up a tantrum when they're told about how sheep are the benefactors of systematic oppression, and all the guilt and debt that comes with," Meister countered.

"I mean," Duke began. "Big difference there. I saw some mammals in my time really hounding on a young sheep gal, and a… wombat I think. And trying to break her down, and really getting into her wool. Basically the reverse of mammals beating on us as we're predators ergo scum ergo them hurting us is a good thing."

"Good for them," the hyena chuckled. "They've done that for years and are now getting a taste of their own medicine? About time."

"So, Mr…" Little John asked, pointing back at the wolf.

"Uh -Conway. Conway Harrpad."

"Okay, Mr Harrpad. Just… curious. You think justice has been done, hearing that?"

There was a pause, the wolf thinking for a second, before shaking his paws. "It's a start. A bad start…"

"-So how would you go about it?"

"I…" Conway paused, thinking back for a second, before standing up. "Get rid of the dumb rules they make us run on for a start. We are predators, let us live our lives as predators." A low rumble of approval. "Get out of our way. And stop messing with stuff. Stop with this damn prey can be predators and predators can be prey, and all this dumb stuff trying to turn us into members of a herd. Get them to start funding us so we can train our mammals to be in packs again, working together, strong, powerful, knowing our place and having pride in…"

"-Hang on," Little John said, pausing as he saw the frustrated look on the wolf's face. "Sorry, just a real point of confusion for me. You don't want us to be members of a herd… But you want us to teach our cubs to know our place, know…"

"-Know who they are," he carried on. "Predators belong in packs, and you know why packs work? How they work? Don't blame you if you don't, given all the nonsense they like to fill in. A pack works as when things come down to the wire, when the whistle is blown and the hunt is on!" He jammed a finger down. "Mammals know what part they have to play. They know to stand up, together, and fight it out. To do their job, to take the strain, to bring home the victory despite the cost. But, with all these things, they're trying to erode out the old contract!"

A small round of nods and yeah's were given out, Conway carrying on. "Yeah, this 'you can be anything' and 'you're not your place' or whatever, this weird icky… Breaking down all the walls and borders and making all the pieces just mush together into some kind of… slime. It's disgusting! And yeah, I get it, where does the herd come in? But here's a thing, a herd is a bunch of mammals with no-one in charge. Maybe they're all the same, maybe they're all different, but if they're all different and confused they're kinda all the same. A herd is a dumb, stupid, uncontrollable thing that only reacts, that doesn't think or do anything for itself. A pack? A pack is a thing that acts. That doesn't abandon each other…"

"-Even if a member is a skunk boy into the skunk stuff," Duke cut in, a wry grin on his muzzle.

There was a long pause. "Hey, if he keeps it private and doesn't mess anyone up with it, keeps it safely in his room and knows to do that… I guess he can be the freaky one," Conway said, shrugging. "Every pack needs an omega after all."

There was a round of chuckling, Little John nodding along. "You all feel that way, even the non-pack mammals?" he asked, looking over at the swift fox in particular.

She saw his gaze and looked back. "Yeah, figures."

"What part are you then?" Duke asked.

Alice paused, thinking for a second, only for the hyena to cut in over. "Resident bitch."

"Hey, I'm…" the vixen yelled over the round of laughter.

"Yeah," Meister chuckled. "Sounds about right."

"Listen, you no tailed…"

"You're really proving his point there," Conway smirked.

Alice grumbled, glaring at all of them before pointing at Duke. "This is your fault."

"No cuss. I'm the group asshole. That's what I'm here for."

A new round of laughter lifted around the room, Little John nodding a little before speaking. "So… The real thing is that all the old good rules and stuff are being changed. Moving on. All the old borders and roles that were fixed, firmed, gave you security. They're being broken down by these other mammals, these prey, and so you want to go out there. Stomp your foot down and bring it back!"

"Yes," Conway said, the others joining in.

"That sounds good," the cacomistle agreed, as the badger joined in.

"That is actually a very good way of putting it down," he said. "We could really use that."

"Yeah, all your thoughts under one roof," the bear said.

"More… Not ideas, more giving what we felt, what we know was true in our hearts and guts a name. A diagnosis. Getting to the root cause," he said, scratching his chin. "And here's the thing, mammals like that smaller weasel. They don't get it. It's as if they don't have a gut feeling, it's only the judgy thought side of their brain that runs. They're missing half, and so they don't 'see' what's actually there, they don't see how freaky and wrong it is. They lash out at us for being the fully functioning ones. -Or they do see it and they're cussing evil, trying to move it forward, but I think that one was an okay guy by the sound of it. Just…"

"A total dork," Alice surmised.

"I… -Yeah, pretty much. This, that, 'oh please', all these dumb things about groups and organising and forums and decorum and you know they'll just be criticising each other and squabbling over things and just being a dumb reacting herd," he said, waving his paw. "Anything except actually just going out there and doing something as a focussed pack. He… I actually felt like he was part of the problem, even if he didn't mean it. The kind of civilised predator who'd pop up and give a few weasel words, as that was what he was doing. Tripping over enough and trying to be polite and not saying it as it is enough that you just get the feeling he's someone trying to cover something up, even if he isn't. All rather than just doing something, or uncovering something. Like our new friend here, with those preyifying books and stuff they're giving our kits." He gestured at the cacomistle.

"I… Thank you."

"Keep it up," the badger said. "Maybe get reports, ask for what the lesson plans are, there's probably far more cases of them confusing your child and such than just that one book."

"Oh yeah, I will. Anything for my child."

"Uh-hu, that's what we need! More mammals like you. And, like the mystery mammal doing our leaks," he said, pointing down at the computer. "Ha, now there's a predator actually going out and doing something."

Duke looked at Little John, Little John looked at Duke, and the bear leant forward. "Yeah, about that…"

They were cut off though by a ring on the door, the assembled mammals looking over. Finally, Conway jumped up. "That must be the pizza."

"About time," Alice said, slipping off and going over to the door, the others following her. All bar the resident badger, who waved them off.

"Sorry, gluten and cheese and all that non-North American stuff. I'll just get some smoked salmon and cornbread I have, eat along." Off he went, as Duke climbed up to Little John's elbow, resting easy and giving him a smirk.

"There ya go. Humble yerself a little, and what do you learn? That these are a proud group of mammals who think their place in the world is gettin' all smashed up and ripped apart by others, an' gettin' told it's fer the good of them at the same time. Who think their culture and identity of who they are is being blended up with who knows what, and wanna make a stand. Who…"

"-Are basically the Ur-reactionary movement you can read about in any book with all their motives down to a T," Little John cut in, raising an eyebrow. "Want me to go over it?" He said, paw up and fingers counting out. "One, they wanna impose how they think they should live on everyone else. Two, come up with cruel fantasies and conspiracies for the outgroup-slash-scapegoats. Three, are disgusted by any change to their narrow band of acceptable culture and… Yeah, that's back to your side there, as I think we can both agree that at best forever othering and bullying those who don't fit into the pre-set mold is a lot worse than getting angry at car centric infrastructure, don't ya think?"

"I…" Duke grumbled. "Well I mean, you've listened to them. Can you concede they have valid points."

"I can concede they have feelings."

"Okay then. Valid feelings."

Little John paused for a moment before sighing. "Fine. Valid feelings, but ones they need to get over so they can stop hurting innocent bystanders and, I don't know, actually start going after the reasons behind their problems in life and why they have those feelings in the first place."

"Oh right, back to making them give up the things they take value in. The things they care about. That give them strength, identity, because who needs that, am I right?" the weasel hissed. "Heck, from what you heard them say, don't you realise you're literally the thing that they feel is causing the problem?"

"Yes, feel…"

"Ah, sorry, I meant are. Also, I was right."

The bear grumbled. "Okay, so what now, huh.?I came here, I managed to pin their illogical feelings into a snappy thesis for them to follow and spread the word even faster, now what. Because I don't see how I'm gonna get them to work through their disgust and accept others, when the whole reason they're here is…"

"-Because they wanna be preds, but don't know what it means anymore and don't like how mammals are changing it under their feet. You want them to act a certain way? Maybe find a way for them to act that fits in with the culture they like or something, I don't know. Don't you want to be a leader? Lead them or something, I…"

He paused, looking on as the first of the mammals began walking back in, carrying their boxes and talking. One of them, the cacomistle, quirked his head a bit at the site. "Uhhh…"

"Oh, just me teasing this guy," Little John said, pointing back at Duke. "He started mentioning about the skunk thing again, and how you couldn't even get close due to the stink as a non-skunk… And I began thinking, maybe a Mr Someone secretly wants to join in but is too embarrassed to."

Duke blinked. "Hey!"

"Just keep yourself away from me man," the cacomistle said, paws up and a slightly off look on his muzzle.

"No, I am not into skunk stuff."

Little John let his grin grow. "Not with that attitude you're not," he said, as a bunch of laughs came out.

Duke, about to yell, sighed, shrugging. "Ha ha, very funny."

"Yeah," Alice agreed, narrowing her eyes. "So let's talk more about skunk…"

"Can we not!?" Conway asked, cutting in. "I want to eat here, and I don't want the image of that kind of degeneracy in my head while I do, okay?"

"Well," Little John said. "Now I wanna know which part is the degenerate part. The orgy, the fact there were at least two guys, the public aspect, or the skunk stuff."

"Right now, as I'm eating? All of it, increasing in that order. Now," he huffed, picking up a slice. "If you wouldn't mind reminding us how low Zootopia and what we are has fallen and been corrupted to, I want to eat in peace. Then we can talk about how to get us back our pride."

Little John paused, scratching his chin, as Duke, grabbing a slice, spoke out. "Isn't pride lions?"

"Same principle," Conway said. "Doesn't make a difference."

"Yes it does," Shenzi said. "Totally does."

"Guys," the badger cut in. "Calm. Eat. Don't let them split us into a disorganized herd. That's what they want."

"Yeah," Meister agreed.

"Uh-hu," Little John added, speaking up. "And actually, if you don't mind. I think I have another story to share. One that will show us how to get us back our pride."

A whole room of interested faces turned to face the bear, including Duke's. Little John just gave him a small, knowing, trusting smile, before he spoke on. "It's actually a story I got from my brother. He has this almost blue-ish fur, everyone calls him Baloo 'cause of it. And he and his co-pilot, a nice brown bear called Kit Cloudkicker, fly the wild air routes out of Cape Suzette and have been on a ton of adventures. And I think there's one you'll all especially like."