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Chapter 8- Vader's Pain

Leia and Vader quickly settled into a routine: Wake up, meditate together, Leia eats breakfast while Vader outlines the day's plans, train Leia's Force abilities, Leia has dinner while Vader makes sure that the Exactor isn't on fire, lightsaber or Force combat training, Leia's supper while Vader deals with any problem officers from the day, and then meditation and bed.

Two weeks passed very quickly in this manner, and Leia and Vader got used to each other's presence much faster than Vader was comfortable with. He did not like that he had so rapidly grown accustomed to a child in his quarters, and he was even more uncomfortable with the intrusive thoughts his mind kept giving him about her. His brain was always very quick to point out to him just how similar Leia was to himself when he was younger; when he scolded her for her lack of patience his inner voice would whisper how he'd been like that as a child, when she did something brash and reckless he would see flashes of his own escapades that had terrified Obi-Wan, and when she whined about how he was holding her back by not showing her an advanced technique he was reminded of how he had said the same things of his master many years ago.

All of these reminded him of himself when he was young, and some of himself now, but there were also more painful reminders. He saw flashes of his mother and of Padmé in her, when she worried over him never eating he saw his mother in her, and when a droid ran into her and she set it back on its wheels instead of crushing it with the Force he saw his beloved wife and her kindness. All of the qualities that he saw in Leia, the blend of himself and the women he had loved, reminded him again of everything that he had lost.

Leia was exactly as he imagined his child would have been, had she survived. He had been convinced that the baby in Padmé's womb was a girl, but his wife had insisted that it was a boy. She had told him that she was so sure that if it was a girl he could pick the name, and if it was a boy she would pick the name. Anakin had agreed, and after weeks of deliberation with himself he had chosen a name that meant "strength" from Tatooine, he told Padmé that they would name their daughter Leia. Padmé had smiled up at him from the bed she was lying on and said, "That's a beautiful name, Ani. It's too bad we won't use it for this child though, I just know that he's a boy, and his name will be Luke."

If Vader was capable of tears they would have been streaming down his face as he sat in his oxygen chamber and thought of everything about Leia, and how each thing reminded him of someone he'd once loved.

Her laugh was exactly as he remembered his mother's being on the rare occasions that she'd been happy. Her cheeks dimpled and her lips pulled back to show her teeth when she smiled, just like Padmé. Her name was the same as the one that he had chosen for his daughter. She had a deep resilience that he'd only ever seen in the slave women on Tatooine, like his mother, nothing could ever destroy her spirit. When she focused on something she would bite her lower lip and furrow her brows, looking a terrifying amount like Padmé had when she was writing her speeches for the Senate or trying to figure out how her opponent could possibly come to their conclusions. Leia had the same kindness that Padmé did, always thinking of others before herself. She loved to fly, just like he did, he could see the soul of a true pilot in her which was more than just a learned ability; when she flew she was like him, her ship was merely an extension of herself, a pure symbiosis that can never be learned.

But the thing that frightened him the most, the thing that had caused him to leave the room to collect himself was what she had done when she became angry. She first yelled at him, her rage boiling to the surface uncontrollably as she screamed and stormed out. She then used her newly crafted sabre to wreak havoc on his training droids, cursing and yelling all the while. After she seemed to have calmed down, judging by the lack of curses and insults emanating from the room, Vader had opened the door to his training room, and seen Leia leaning over one of his droids with a spanner.

"What are you doing, Leia?" he'd asked in as gentle a voice as he could manage through the vocaliser. She seemed to understand his intentions though, as she remained calm instead of tensing again.

"The droids broke, so I'm fixing them."

"I see."

"Things always seem so much simpler when you're fixing things."

At this Vader's mind shut out the present and catapulted him into his own past, into the dark garage at his step-father's house where he had uttered that exact sentence to Padmé after he had killed an entire village of Tusken Raiders. Vader stumbled out of the training room as his brain replayed the scene, and he blindly made it to his chambers as he heard Padmé's voice echo in his mind from years ago, "To be angry is to be human." and his own response of shaking his head and insisting that he should be better than this.

As he meditated he wondered. He had kept thoughts of Padmé at bay for thirteen years, only bringing her memory up to remind him of why he deserved to suffer. Why should one child who looked vaguely like her suddenly bring up all of these memories and make him lose controll of his composure? He had seen and met thousands of girls with brown hair and eyes, it was after all a very common colouration to have, but none of those children had made him think of his beloved wife and the child who had died with her. The way he felt toward Leia was the same instinct he'd had for his own child in Padmé's womb, many times a day he had to remind himself, "She's not your daughter. She's not the same Leia that you've mourned these past thirteen years. She's Boba Fett's daughter, not yours."

As time dragged on Vader simultaneously found himself hoping that Boba would hurry up with his mission and wishing that Boba would be delayed for a much longer time. As it was, after having Leia with him for five weeks he was informed that Boba had succeeded in his mission and would be arriving at the Exactor in two days time.

Author's Note: Hello everybody! I know that this is a little bit of a break from the usual, but I thought that it was important to show what's going on inside Vader's head at this point, since making him seem to like Leia a lot or act fatherly toward her with no context would be pretty out of character for him. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, if you did (or have any ideas for improvement) please let me know in the reviews.

xx

Eponine-Skywalker7