AN: I'm having a rough week, likewise, this chapter is also rough and shorter than I would have liked it to be. However, I hope this brightens your day as much as your reviews brighten mine ;D
Chapter 2 - Caffeinated
Tahl was in no part reticent in her fondness of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Today, he seemed brighter than usual. Squeezing her hand in greeting before placing a warm cup of tea into her palm.
Caffeinated tea.
"I adore you, Padawan Kenobi," she said, inhaling the ginseng tea.
Her favourite.
"How are you today, Master?" Obi-Wan asked, a smile in his voice.
He was a very proper young man. Sometimes, he was overly formal, but he had a dry sense of humour and he could get sassy if he was comfortable.
Tahl had never before considered taking on a Padawan learner, not until meeting Obi-Wan.
If he didn't already have a Master, she might have considered breaking her vow to herself to never take an apprentice.
"The hospital wing remains as it always is, depressing with never quite enough drugs."
Obi-Wan laughed, the sound was good, as he rarely laughed. Especially when she had first met him.
"Have you heard from your Master yet?" she asked him.
"No," he said. "He's still on mission in the Outer Rim."
Tahl still couldn't wait to meet the mysterious Shadow. Obi-Wan spoke of him so fondly. For the life of her, she couldn't discern why the man was on a mission for so long.
Even though she knew from some of Obi-Wan's stories that the man was fully human, he had still described the Master as elderly.
From the flashes she had gleaned from the Padawan's mind, he was a proud-faced man, though his dark features were heavily-lined by age, he remained unbowed despite his advanced years.
There was a sadness in Obi-Wan's voice when he spoke of his Master that made Tahl wonder if he was long for this world. She also had to wonder about Obi-Wan's own health when he had biweekly appointments with Master Che.
She was pretty sure he had some brain injury or mental disorder that he had been grounded at the Temple for.
The only indication he showed of this was occasionally sharing stories or details about his Master like precious gems that he had rediscovered.
"How is Master Qui-Gon?" Obi-Wan asked in turn.
The Padawan always knew when the man was approaching and made himself scarce.
Not that sensing him was particularly hard these days, Qui-Gon had fallen from the Path.
Luckily for him, he was so present in the Living Force, the waves of darkness that sometimes sang around him were written off as the passing influences of Coruscant that was certainly not without its darkness.
Ordinarily, Tahl would never gossip with a Padawan, but Obi-Wan was a Shadow in training and possibly against her better judgment, she trusted him.
"He's unwell, and refuses to see it," she admitted.
"Losing a Padawan isn't easy," Obi-Wan sympathized, his voice sounded as if he knew it well.
Losing a Master isn't easy either, she caught herself from saying.
Aloud, she said, "No, it is not, but grief is a natural part of living and the life of a Jedi is not without dangers. Feemor died in an attempt to protect his charges."
"Jedi are warriors," Obi-Wan agreed. "Though, by the way some of the Masters talk, you would think they expect us to be purely politicians. I still do not understand why we take commands from the Senate as dogmatically as we do. The current Senate has no idea what it is like in the wider galaxy."
"And you do, Junior Padawan?" she teased.
"More than some of their bills would imply," Obi-Wan said hotly. "Honestly, Master Tahl, sometimes I do not know if we are fighting for peace for all or just for the appearances of the Senate's government."
Tahl grinned, Obi-Wan would fit right in with her cohort. If Qui-Gon wasn't so bitter about Feemor, Xanatos, and then what had happened to herself, she was certain that he would love Obi-Wan as much as she now did.
"It is easy to lose your way," Tahl admitted. "But sometimes, looking at the small things we do helps us understand. If your instincts tell you what you're doing is wrong, if that is what the Force tells you is wrong, then do what is right and let the cards fall where they may. There are circumstances where harder choices must be made but—" she reached out and touched his cheek. "When there are costs, never forget who must pay."
Obi-Wan, who was too perceptive by half, asked, "Who would have paid the cost if you had not, Master?"
She lowered her hand, holding the still warm cup of tea he had brought her, "If I hadn't been captured, if I hadn't fallen for their trap, had Qui-Gon not saved me, then depths of corruption and evil the ruling families held would have never come to light. Or, at least not until far too late, the people of New Apsolon would have paid dearly for it. And that is the lesson, that even if we never meet who we save, or even if we are hurt, to be Jedi means to always aim to give more than we cause harm."
Obi-Wan's response was far wiser than twelve year old he was supposed to be. "My Master says war is often pointless, that it harms more than heals, but that once a war begins, you fight until basic civil rights can be enforced. Until then, to surrender is only a promise of bloodshed to come."
Tahl reached out for his hand, which he caught, "Have you seen war, Padawan?"
He squeezed her hand, "Yes."
"Do you remember it?" she pressed, keeping her tone soft.
He squeezed her hand tighter, "Only if you promise not to tell Master Che?"
"You haven't told her or the mind healer you've been working with?" Tahl asked, abandoning the ruse that she hadn't figured out some of why the Padawan was in the healing wing as often as he was.
"Only because she won't tell me. No one will, they want me to remember it on my own," he said the last with tangible bitterness.
"You have amnesia?"
"No— yes— I don't— I remember things, I just don't remember how I fit in. I was raised in this Temple, I remember faces, places, things, but nothing is where I thought it was and no one remembers me. Which, I don't remember them either but—"
"Padawan Kenobi," Tahl interrupted. "Take a deep breath for me."
Obi-Wan sucked in a breath.
"Then, let it go."
The air gusted out from him.
"What happened today?"
He huffed a laugh, "How do you know me so well?"
"Sometimes," she jested. "I think I'm you're only friend."
"I made a new friend."
She gasped, "You're replacing me?"
"No!" he exclaimed.
She laughed, "I'm jesting."
"I'm sticking my tongue out at you," he informed her.
"What did your friend tell you?" she prompted.
"Nothing," he lied.
Obi-Wan never lied to her.
"Obi-Wan?"
He pulled his hand from hers, "You asked me what I remembered… it was an ambush. He would never have taken me there— I wasn't supposed to see active combat."
"Was it your first time?"
She felt him shake his head, "No, but it was… chaos. We got separated for a time…" He took a breath, and lied once more, "Then I was waking up in the Temple."
Tahl remained quiet for a long moment.
He was leaving something out.
Something catastrophic.
But they had been talking for months and this was the closest he had come in all that time to outright explaining his reasons for frequenting the Healer's wing.
For now, she would let it be.
"Who is your new friend?" she asked changing the topic.
Obi-Wan let out a breath as if he dodged a blow. "Senior Padawan Depa Biliba."
Tahl smothered a snigger, the boy did have a formality about him at times. "Ah, Mace's Padawan, she might actually be able to keep up with you in practice."
"You've never seen me practice," he argued.
"I don't need to," she said. "Your hands are more calloused the most of the Temple Guard, Padawan."
"Oh," he said, and she could imagine him ducking his head.
She grinned at him. "Though I'm not sure how the two will work together, Vaapad and Soresu are both at their core defensive forms."
"At least she's not afraid of me," he muttered.
"Afraid of you, why would anyone be afraid of you?" she asked.
Obi-Wan sighed, "No one knows me, I'm the only one who has no one."
"You have me," she said even as her mind spun.
Was he like Padawan Vos and not raised at the Temple?
"Thank you, Master."
"Tahl," she corrected him.
"Master Tahl," he repeated.
She snorted.
"Well, it is good to see you smiling again," Master Che said, entering the space on a wind of authority and peace.
Tahl knocked back the rest of her tea.
Che sighed but came over to the bed to check her vitals. "Perhaps if Padawan Kenobi can hydrate you, he can also take you out for a walk."
Tahl grimaced, "I'm fine."
"You are," Che agreed. "And unlike Obi-Wan, you no longer have any business here."
"I'm blind," Tahl protested.
"Let me check your chart…" Che hummed. "Yes, I agree. You are. You have also been healed as far as you are physically able and as you refuse to see the mind healers—"
"I'll talk."
Che shifted, "Obi-Wan, you are a wonderful influence."
"I should go," Obi-Wan said suddenly.
"The Council doesn't hate you, Padawan."
"Could have fooled me," Obi-Wan said, drawing back.
Tahl was about to ask but then she sensed them. Three of the Council.
They said losing one sense made the others stronger.
That was a karking lie.
Nothing was easier, she was just more desperate to know what was happening around her.
Her fear and desperation made her connection with the Force lesser than it had been before her torture and injury.
She was only now able to sense the arrival of the Masters.
Obi-Wan had already left —without saying goodbye— when the three Council Members entered the room.
Tahl grimaced when she heard steps approach her. She was a bit surprised that her guests were Masters Mace and Dooku.
"Hello Master Tahl," Mace greeted, abstaining from taking a seat. There was only one to be had after all.
"Masters Windu, Dooku, and Jocasta," she said, inclining her head in a partial bow.
Jocasta, unimpressed by the use of her first name, got straight to it. "Have you heard of Obi-Wan Kenobi?"
Tahl raised a brow, "Yes, he visits me often. Poor Padawan, Che has been picking on him."
"Are you aware of how many needles I have at my disposal," Master Che asked sweetly, inviting herself to whatever this meeting was.
"You've met him?" Mace asked sounding truly surprised.
"I just said so, didn't I?" Tahl retorted. "He's a very sweet boy. And I must say, I cannot wait for his Master to return to the Temple. I don't think I've ever heard a Padawan speak so fondly of their Master. One would think he cast the stars across the galaxy."
Tahl didn't like the tense quiet that had filled the room, she couldn't see their expressions but she could imagine them just fine.
"I swear, Windu, if you are sharing conspiratorial looks, I will stab you with one of Che's larger needles. What's wrong with Obi-Wan?"
Mace sighed, and she listened as he took a seat beside her, "Obi-Wan's Master is dead."
Her breath caught, "No— I spoke with him just before you arrived—"
Mace cut her off, "His Master died many, many years ago, and Obi-Wan has been aware of that since you've known him. But I am pleased to hear he is remembering parts of his past and that he has found someone to confide in."
"More than I've heard," Che remarked, though she did not sound surprised at the death of Obi-Wan's Master.
Sorrow stole Tahl's heart, "He lost his Master and his memories?"
"He woke from a coma two years ago," Mace informed her dispassionately. "I'm not surprised you haven't heard of him, considering this is the first time you've returned to the Coruscant Temple in four years."
It was a dig.
She and Qui-Gon had been staying at the Temple of Jedha between missions.
"Who was his Master, surely even a Shadow can regain his identity in death," she asked.
"Mand'alor Tarre Vizsla was never a Shadow," Mace said.
"What?" Tahl asked, her mind replaying his words. "The Mand'alor? The Order hasn't had a Mandalorian Knight for—"
"A thousand years," Jocasta finished for her.
She waited for one of them to continue.
They didn't.
"Obi-Wan is a twelve-year-old," Tahl stated.
"He is," Mace affirmed. "However, he was born over a thousand years ago."
It took her a very long moment before it clicked.
"Master Tarre Vizsla was Obi-Wan's Master."
"I said so, didn't I?" Mace snarked.
She stuck her tongue out at him, then asked more seriously, "Does Obi-Wan know?"
"Master Che says he should recover his memories, we didn't wish to overwhelm him," Mace said.
"He lost his Master. He deserves to know who he was and what happened to him."
"His Force bond with so strong with his Master that the breaking of the bond alone nearly killed him," Mace argued. "It's a miracle he woke at all. A further miracle that the stasis pod he was held in kept him alive that long."
"He deserves to know," she stated.
"Tarre wasn't just his Master Tahl, Tarre was Obi-Wan s biological father," Che said quietly.
"What?" she asked, horrified.
Che sighed, "I suspected that he remembered more than he let on, which you have confirmed. He will remember in time, and hopefully, by that time he will be anchored to this reality and less likely to he relapse."
Relapse?
Mace must have guessed her thoughts because he rumbled, "We fear that another shock to his system might backtrack any progress he's made in adjusting to this new life. A life that he no longer shares with his kin, Mando or Jedi alike. He lost a father and a Master, but in reality, he lost a galaxy and whatever communities he was a part of. He is over two hundred years older than Master Yoda."
That was a terrifying thought.
"And what do you want of me if you didn't know we were speaking?" Tahl asked.
"To cut to the point," Dooku said. "We are hoping you consider him for a Padawan."
She gaped at them. "You can't be serious."
Dooku's response was deathly serious, "You've never taken a Padawan, mace said partly because you have a tendency to avoid the Temple like a plague and would limit a Padawan in their classes. Even Shadows like Tholme have remained Temple-bound longer than he has since his own Knighting for Padawan Vos. Given your rehabilitation, you will not be as mobile as you have in the past."
He said it coldly, factually. She both loathed and adored him for it.
"That is not the only reason I haven't taken a Padawan," she argued, despite having already been considering this for months.
But if Obi-Wan had no Master…
It still seemed unfair to him. She was no longer herself, and she would not remain on Coruscant once she was more comfortable getting around on her own.
Any Padawan of hers would be isolated. Her way of life was not fit for a child.
Qui-Gon had proven that their extreme nomadism took a toll on any apprentice, Xanatos being a prime example.
"You are not Qui-Gon," Dooku stated. "You do not share his fears."
She winced. No, she didn't. Still, she feared pushing her Padawan too far. She was a perfectionist and had been the top student in all her classes. It was one thing to have those expectations for herself, it was quite another to put those on a youngling.
She already partially hated herself for not meeting her own expectations.
As if reading her thoughts, Jocasta said, "His grades a better than yours in nearly every subject. I tried recruiting him, however, the Council declined my petition, citing that he cannot be kept Temple-bound."
Tahl sighed, "And if I can't keep up with him?"
"Then he will have a peer and a partner. But you underestimate yourself," Mace said.
"I am blind," she spat.
"Get over it," Mace responded.
"How dare—"
"How dare I what?" Mace challenged. "Call you out for hiding in the medical ward that you have been cleared from. You are not a coward, stop behaving as one."
She snarled, "Kark you."
Mace stepped closer to her, looming over her bed, "Tell me you're speaking with the mind healers and I will apologize. But if it is Qui-Gon you are secluding yourself from, then get out of bed and give that Padawan a moment of your consideration. Romance is not forbidden among us, formal vows between partners are. You owe him nothing. Your commitment to another can never supersede your commitment to the Force and to the Order, especially our younglings and Padawans. Whatever you're rift with your sweetheart is, it is secondary to a Padawan's struggles."
She took in a deep breath and let it go, "Now who is starting to sound like a Mandalorian?"
"He has no one else, Tahl. No Master, no creche Master… He is suspicious of his teachers, of the Counciand l, his peers. He may actually despise Che."
"I resent that comment," Che interrupted. "Being rivals is not the same thing as hatred."
"He needs someone," Mace continued. "He's lived with us for two years and he no more adjusted than he was when he woke. He has no one."
Tahl pulled herself out of the bed, the floor a chasm beneath her dangling feet.
She hated walking, of stepping without sight. It made her feel as if she was blindfolded.
Only there was no blindfold, no end to excerises or obstacles that lay in wait for her.
Yet, even if she and Obi-Wan never became Padawan-Master pair, she would not abandon the boy who snuck her caffeinated tea and talk with her as if she was normal.
Not damaged, not pitying, for Obi-Wan did not the person she had been with her sight.
"I will speak with him, that's all I will promise," she told the other Masters.
She had no way of knowing how young the day was nor how broken she would leave Qui-Gon's heart when the day was done.
oOo
AN: Thoughts, pomegranates, or feedback, pretty, please?