I haven't forgotten about this story, I promise. I do hope to actually finish it and I'm working on that slowly. I work in a mental health hospital and while I love my job it's hard to write dark content with the things I deal with at work. I'm not giving up though, I shall continue to provide where possible :)
Amelia POV
"Hey, I want to talk to you." Arizona informs me, taking my hand in hers and leading the way to our bedroom. I follow her, unsure what to expect.
"What's wrong?" I ask almost immediately.
"What? No, nothing bad. Everything is fine."
"Then what's up with the secrecy? You panicked me."
"I'm sorry. That was not my intention. I never want to make you uncomfortable."
"I know. So…"
"I'm ridiculously horny right now. I've been trying to ignore it, but my body does not seem to be cooperative."
"I'm not ready to have sex just yet." I say quietly. While I know that Arizona understands that I have been struggling and that she won't be upset that I dont feel ready, I still feel guilty. I want Arizona to be able to have a normal sex life, I want to have a normal sex life, its just not that simple.
"I know you're not ready and I'm not asking you to do anything you are uncomfortable with. I wanted to give you the option to help, if you want to. I know that sometimes you like to touch, even when you don't want your efforts to be reciprocated. No pressure, you can walk away if you want to. I just wanted you to have the option."
"What do you need?" I ask my girlfriend, taking one of her hands in my own, intertwining our fingers so that we are connected physically to one another.
"Can I kiss you?" She asks softly. I can see from her soft expression that she is prepared for me to say no, that she wouldn't be upset if I opted out, but I do not. I move my free hand up her side, over her shoulder and up the side of her neck. I allow my palm to settle cupping the back of her neck, drawing her in so that I can kiss her.
I feel a light shiver as her body responds to mine, she is alert and ready for any further attention that I am willing to offer.
"Is Sof asleep?" I enquire, wanting to ensure we will not be interrupted before I go any further with my actions. When Arizona nods in confirmation, I separate our hands and bodies to reach for the hem of her sweater, peeling it upwards until Arizona is able to free her arms from the cotton that just moments ago was embracing her skin.
"You should take off your pants." I instruct, allowing the situation to unfold further, but also setting a boundary for my girlfriend, letting her know that I am not prepared to undress her further. She nods, sitting down on the edge of the bed to remove her prosthetic limb before moving onto the sweatpants. I pick up her leg, moving it to her side of the bed while she works on removing the rest of her clothing. I choose to sit back on the bed. This time, I shuffle back to sit with my spine against the headboard. I gesture to Arizona, asking her to come sit in front of me and she obeys my request almost immediately. I place my hands lightly on her waist before kissing my way down the side of her neck.
Arizona gasps, not once, but twice at my gentle kisses. The second time her short gasp transforms into a groan, a beg for more pleasure, for more attention. I allow my hands to roam around her torso first, gradually moving up until they cover her breasts. I tweak them lightly, rolling the buds between my fingers and pulling a little, but not enough to cause her pain. Each of my movements is planned to offer her the most pleasure based on my knowledge of her body.
"You should touch yourself now." I instruct, taking her right wrist and directing it towards her wet heat.
Arizona shifts her hips backwards, ensuring our bodies are as close as physically possible, and I feel her legs adjust, opening a little wider. I part my legs further to accommodate her adjustment before going back to kissing her neck and stroking lightly over her breasts. Her body arches at the pleasure she offers herself and unintentionally pulls away from our embrace but I hold her tight, keeping our bodies connected with one another.
"A little faster now" I instruct, watching as her middle finger begins to speed up. "Not so much pressure, relax. I've got you." I encourage and I am pleased to see her following my instructions implicitly.
"Can you tell me what you need?"
"Keep ahh, keep talking to me. And hands, please." She requests between breaths.
I comply with her requests, continually talking to her, occasionally jumping in with an instruction; I tell her to speed up, to dip her fingers inside herself and use her own juices as lubricant to make the motions smoother.
No more than 5 minutes later Arizona asks, no, she begs for my permission to release herself from the torturous pleasure. I tell her to hold out, just for a few more moments before releasing my grip just a little. I give her enough space to move, for her body to quake in my arms as her orgasm takes over her body. I kiss gently around her neck until her entire body relaxes back against mine, her head resting in the crook of my neck.
"You are incredible." I whisper, gently stroking her hair out of her face. Enjoying the peace while Arizona rides out the remaining waves of serenity. I expect her to give me some rehearsed response about how I am equally important in this moment, that it takes two to tango, but she doesn't and I appreciate it. She allows herself to feel special, to be mine.
"Thank you." I state after a prolonged period of rest.
"For what?" She retorts a little too quickly, twisting her body to look into my eyes. Confusion is evident on her face.
"Including me even though I'm going through a bad patch."
"It's not exactly a compromise on my part. I appreciate you being here too, as evidenced by my orgasm a couple minutes ago." Arizona states with a subtle smile. "did you know its scientifically proven that orgasms are more intense when a partner is involved? Look it up Herbenick et al, 2018. It was published in the Journal of sex marital therapy."
"Why am I not surprised that you read sex journals?"
"They're educational. Plus, you seem to appreciate my skills so you can't complain."
"Still. Thank you." I reiterate. "And I'm sure I'll be ready for you to put your scientifically developed sex skills back to work soon, I just need a little more time."
"Take all the time you need."
Arizona POV
Amelia requested that we had a quiet day today. It was nice. Sofia was at school and it was just the two of us chilling all day.
Just as I set off to drive to the school to collect our daughter, my phone begins to ring through the hands free system. I answer it before checking the caller ID. Almost immediately when the call connects, I hear Addison's voice through the car speakers. She informs me that she is worried about Amelia, that she has been trying to get in contact all day. My mind flicks back to Amelia declining a call earlier in the day, telling me it was junk, just telemarketers. I attempt to assure the neonatal surgeon that her sister is okay, that I have been with her all day, but she still sounds worried.
"Ten years ago today, she woke up to Ryan's body. Anniversaries of events are hard for her, as you know. She has never declined my calls before."
"She didn't tell me."
"She is good at hiding things."
"She has quiet today, and a little clingy, but nothing out of the ordinary… well, she declined having sex last night but that's normal sometimes."
"Arizona, as much as I don't want to hear about yours and my sisters sex life, have you considered that she didn't want to have sex because 10 years ago she had sex with a guy who was dead a few hours later. She is struggling. She never declines my calls." I can hear the worry in Addisons tone, she normally sounds extremely self assured but this is different, it's different enough for me to feel concern for both her and Amelia's emotional states.
"I'm on my way to Sof's school to pick her up, but when I'm home I'll talk to her, and I'll try to get her to call you."
"She doesnt need to talk to me, she just needs somebody to be there for her, she needs you. Just let me know she is okay please."
"I will talk to her as soon as I get home. But be assured that she was okay when I left 10 minutes ago. She just might not be feeling talkative today. Regardless, I'll stay in touch."
"Thank you"
When I arrive at Sofia's school, the children have just begun to disburse from the double doors to their respective parents. It doesn't take long for Sofia to find me, approaching me with a boy and a woman who appears to be his mother.
"Mom, can we go to the park with Nate and his mom? Pleaseee. It hasn't been this dry in Seattle in a long time." Sofia begs, looking to the boy and then back to me. It is clear that this is a speech the pair had planned prior to leaving the school.
"Amy and I have plans, I can't today, Sof. I'm sorry."
"Well why don't I take Sofia, and then you can either meet us at the park or I could drop her off home after." The other woman suggested.
"I don't want to ask too much of you. We barely know each other." I explain, turning my body to look at who I presume is the boys mother. I recognise her from pick up time but we have never spoken before.
"Well, I'm Liza, Nate's mom, and it appears our kiddos have hit it off. Pass me your phone and I'll put my number in." She instructs, holding out her hand for the device. I do as she requests, passing my phone over.
"I'm Arizona, by the way."
"Like the state?"
"Like the ship. USS Arizona, its where my great grandpa fought, right mom?"
"Right."
"I've just sent myself a text. I'll reply so you have my number too."
"Does that mean I can go?" Sofia asks, this time more excited at the prospect of actually having her mother's permission.
"Sure, but on your best behaviour, okay?" I tell my daughter, looking her in the eyes to make sure she is listening.
"I will be, I promise."
Though it felt wrong to allow Sofia to go with a woman I had not previously met, I recognised the boy immediately as the one sofia had begun to date, and his mother seemed to understand my uncertainty and do everything that she could to counteract it. Is it wrong that I appreciate that I don't have Sofia tonight? That Amelia and I will have some more time alone. It's not that the time we have had alone today hasn't been enough, it's just that after what Addison had told me, I want to talk to my girlfriend and ensure she is truly okay.
When I arrive home childless, the confusion on Amelia's face is evident.
"Sofia and her boyfriend are at the park." I explain simply. "We could go meet them if you want, or Nate's Mom has offered to drop her off on the way home."
"We can go meet him. It'll be nice to put a face to the name. Y'know, so we know who Sof is holding hands with at lunch." Amelia says, nodding in affirmation at her own statement.
"That's fine, but I want to talk to you first. No hiding anything."
"What?" Amelia sits herself up, her tone is a little defensive but she doesn't immediately reject my proposal.
"Why didn't you want to have sex last night?" I ask her bluntly, giving her the opportunity to be honest before I ask directly.
"I told you, I'm not ready yet." She lies.
"It has nothing to do with Ryan?"
"How did you- do you… I never told you."
"You should stop ignoring Addison." I sit down on the couch next to her, wiping a tear from her cheek.
"What?" She appears to be confused at my statement.
"She is really worried about you. She called me panicking because you are declining her calls. She's scared for you." I explain softly.
"Addie shouldn't have told you."
"Why didn't you want me to know?" I ask softly, ensuring my tone does not portray annoyance, but rather express my concern.
"Because talking to you about it means remembering it, thinking about it. Thinking about it makes me want to cut, and I don't want to cut." She explains, using logic to explain her decision.
"I can understand that. Thank you for being honest."
"Can we not talk about this anymore?"
"I have one more question."
"What?"
"Can I tell Addison what you just told me, just so she can stop worrying but you don't have to repeat yourself?"
"Yeah, I'm okay with that."
"Good. Now let's go meet our daughter's boyfriend."