AN: If you are familiar with my work you know I do not like to leave author notes, per the FFN rules you are not supposed to publish a page with just an author's note. I know people do it all the time but if I do it I will be reprimanded so I did it this way attaching it to Chapter 2 of Working Through the Mar. I feel if I have to explain what I am saying then I am not doing my job. This time it could not be helped, an explanation is needed. An emergency six years ago, 2017, I was immediately uprooted from my home and had to move into my mother's. It was obvious she could not be alone anymore and was finally not going to fight me about it. From that day forward I have not written a word. I have to have total quiet and there was never the me time to be able to do that. A year ago I got real sick and while I was in the hospital my mother got a severe UTI and long story short when I left rehab I went to see my mother in the hospital before she was going to rehab was the last time she fully knew who I was. Three weeks later she was brought home with Hospice and three weeks later she died three days after Christmas (this the first time I noticed, as they say it all happens in threes). Then the flurry of what to do with the huge house that has been in our family for 100 years. All I had wanted to do for the past six years was to go to my own home, but I could not, I still had five more months of physical therapy. Another long story short, after beating myself up I finally decided to sale my home and acreage out in the country where no one bothered me and I was able to dive into writing and buy my mother's house where new services had come available after COVID that are not available at home. I am not happy about it, I love my home but it is the best option plus a huge house full of 'stuff' accumulated over the past 100 years is heavy on my shoulders and there is no way I can begin to get all of it out of here before the twelfth of never. There is still a lot to do. I am not sure when I will have the time or the mind to be posting back on Working Through the Mar, I have twelve notebooks full of notes I have to reacquaint myself with, when I have time, but it is closer than it has been in the past six years. It is time this series is finished and put to rest. This is the first step in the process and to familiarize myself with posting the stories again. Thank you for your time and I hope there is still some interest in The Unmarred Soul series.
Two weeks ago, Jax sat at the head of the redwood table that bears the same emblem carved in it that Jax has etched into the skin on his back, with his lighter in his right hand rolling it end over on the table between his thumb and forefinger. The sound of metal on wood entered his ears over and over. For the past four hours Jax has been locked up in the dark room just him and the dust particles floating around the barely there sunlight peeking through the blinds. Jax sat in every seat around the table that has been his since he was first allowed through the chapel's heavy wooden double doors. All the years flashed through his mind like a derailed roller coaster, twisting and turning, spiraling out of control going faster and faster hurling through the air careening out of control before slamming into the side of a mountain. Then looking around at the carnage lying at his feet Jax sees familiar faces staring back at him. He stops and asks himself the one question that keeps rolling through his head- How did things get so fucked up?
It's been eleven months since I got out of prison- eleven fucking months. How did things get so wrong when I was trying to do right? How could I have been so blind? So arrogant that I couldn't see what was right in front of me? I shut out the woman I love more than anything. The woman I claimed I was doing all of this for but turned my back on when it came to taking care of our family.
How could I do something as stupid as get Tara involved with Otto and the RICO mess to begin with? I should be going to prison for the things I've done not Tara. How could I, her husband, let this happen to her? I lost my bearings after Opie died and went to a dark place I didn't know existed in me. I was so wound up in my own self-pity caused by the guilt I was carrying over Opie's death I mistakenly thought I was all alone, that no one else was hurting like I was. I completely ignored Tara's pain, she lost a best friend also. As long as Tara's in my life I'll never be alone. I was obsessed with making the ones who killed Opie pay I forgot my family. I forgot my boys and forgot my wife.
After Opie was killed, I became blood thirsty for vengeance. My thirst was never quenched and the thrill of the kill made it easier and easier with each death. I wanted the ones responsible for Opie's death to die like he did; bloody. I wasn't satisfied with beating the crooked guard to death with the snow globe or when Chibs killed Randall Hightower- the inmate responsible for the final blow to Opie's head with the steel pipe. With each death there were complications- Tig killed the guard's wife, the inmate who beat Opie to death was a cousin of TO's the President of the Grim Bastards. I couldn't see through my blind rage that it would mean the end of a long-lasting brotherhood with the Grim Bastards. I was losing myself to the monster within me.
Not only was I in a dark place Chibs and Tig were right there with me. Watching Opie die the brutal way he did fucked our heads up. We didn't know how to process what we'd seen except with more violence. Damon Pope loved toying with us. He pulled our strings making us do this and do that, manipulating us like we were his puppets and he was our puppet master. Killing Pope and getting clean- no more guns and muling drugs- helped start the mending our club needed.
We, the club and I, saw things differently when someone as sweet and innocent of any wrong doings as Tara, risks her freedom and her life, so the RICO charges against us were dropped. We decided things need to change. We have a new outlook on life now that all our dealings are legitimate.
I fucked up by not taking my family and leaving as soon as I got out of prison giving Tara and the boys the life they deserve; a safe happy life. Tara was trying to make sure I could walk away from the club with her and our boys when I wouldn't do it myself. I chose my club over my family and now my family; Tara and the boys, are the ones who are suffering for my mistake.
I never knew taking the gavel would destroy my family. I always dreamed when I was growing up of sitting at the head of the table like my father did. I idolized him and mistakenly thought if I had the gavel, I would have a piece of him. I didn't realize I already have a piece of him that I carry every day in my heart.
I'm not proud to admit, and it scares the hell out of me- the freedom and power I felt for being callous. The thrill of being a prospect and new member of SAMCRO for having control over someone's life, their destiny, was the biggest rush of all.
Tara she could see the darkness come over me and that's what scared her. She was afraid would lose the sweet sixteen-year-old boy she fell in love with. Tara had all the confidence in the world that I could live a life outside of SAMCRO that I was smart and could do anything I set my mind to. She saw me slipping away and couldn't stay here and watch it happen. That's why she tried so hard to get me to leave with her, to save me from myself.
The farther and farther I got in the club the more I did and I got wrapped up in all the glory of the guy's acceptance, Clay's pride and my mother's too. If only I had known. When I made my first kill the noise stopped, I could hear nothing. I was scared and I needed the one thing that could heal the hurt and fright I was feeling. I went looking but I was too late she had been gone for two months and I hadn't noticed she was gone. What kind of boyfriend- old man- does that? Doesn't know his old lady is gone. I can't explain how I felt and that was the first night I took someone else into my bed, it wasn't the same, it never would be. Tara was gone.
We weren't out of prison two weeks before Tara was almost abducted but they crushed her hand instead, Kosik was blown up, Piney was murdered, Opie shot Clay for murdering Piney, Tig went rogue thinking Laroy shot Clay, and went after Laroy killing his girlfriend instead, who just happened to be Damon Pope's daughter. In retaliation for Pope's daughter's death Tig's daughter Dawn was burnt alive and Opie was killed in prison.
Clay killed them or is responsible for their deaths along with JT's and Lowell Harding Sr.'s deaths too. Clay also was the one who ordered Tig to kill Opie but accidentally killed Donna instead. Opie and his wife were both were killed by the club, or the president of the club, Opie swore his allegiance to leaving two children orphaned by the club.
Not to mention the cluster fuck Clay brought on with the three Nomad transfers and their home invasion bullshit that got an innocent woman killed. Who just happened to be the pregnant wife of a local Charming law enforcement officer. All a ploy of Clay's to take the gavel out of my hands and back in his.
The cartel, Damon Pope and Clay almost destroyed the club, almost destroyed us all, but somehow, we made it out alive; that's more than I can say for Pope and Clay.
When the club got word Clay was shanked and killed in prison after Eli Roosevelt and I set Clay up for the murder of Damon Pope, I laughed, I don't regret it... any of it. I can say I'm happy, ecstatic. Happy the man who killed my father, then ran the club my father built into the ground, only thinking of himself and not the brotherhood of the men who laid their lives down to protect him. The man, who turned against one of his own- killing my best friend's father, just so Clay could protect his own lies. Clay went behind the clubs back and ordered a hit on my best friend- but killed my best friend's innocent wife instead. But mostly, I'm happy because the man who tried to kill my wife, but mangled her hand in the process is dead. As long as I can tell my wife, the woman I love the most in the world, the man who terrorized her will never breathe again. The man she loathes, the man responsible for ending the career she spent endless hours and years studying and training to become the best in her field is gone, and she doesn't ever have to worry about him again. Clay, he ended it... he ended it all. I don't feel sorry Clay was found dead lying in a pool of his own blood on the cold concrete floor of a prison cell, with his stomach sliced open and his guts hanging out. I don't care how he died, just as long as he's dead. As long as I, never have to see Clay Morrow again. As long as Clay can't hurt anyone I love again. I don't care how Clay died or who killed him, just as long as the old bastards dead.
Clay deserved to die when Opie shot him but the fucking cartel needed him alive to work with the Irish. Galen O'Shay, that Irish prick, wouldn't work with anyone but Clay. I don't know what his problem is, or why he hates me so much. If it wasn't for Galen Clay would've been dead months ago. I don't know what their deal was but Clay and Galen seemed to be more than 'business associates.' That's one thumb I'm glad we got out from under.
The club knew there had to be something we could do to save our club and ourselves. We spent hours locked in the chapel coming out for beer and food only to disappear back behind the doors for hours again. It was finally decided in order to get our club back together and have the true brotherhood that two best friends made the club on everyone started with a clean slate. Everyone.
We stumbled a few times but we have finally got it right. SAMCRO has returned to its roots- we're a brotherhood again. There has been a slight shake up among the ranks of SAMCRO; Bobby stepped down as VP. After the Men of Mayhem vote against Clay Bobby felt he would serve best as being the secretary and treasurer of the club and leave the VP patch for someone else. After long discussions about the shift of ranks Bobby and I both agreed, Chibs would serve best as VP leaving the SAA patch open. Considering Tig's wild untamable past Bobby suggested and I agreed Happy's calm demeanor would make him the best candidate to fill the spot. There are no hard feelings between Bobby and I and we both agree if not being VP is what Bobby wants then that's the way it should be.
Tara suggested in order to keep Chibs' mind in Charming and not in another country we should bring his family to the United States. Tara made all the arrangements to bring Fiona and Kerrianne over as a surprise gift to the new Vice President of the Sons of Anarchy Redwood Originals Motorcycle Club. There aren't any words to describe how happy and touched Chibs was. The tears in his eyes said it all. This gives Fiona, Kerrianne and Chibs the chance to be the family they were unable to be, because of the Irish prick Jimmy O'Phelan.
Jax snorted. Happy accepted the SAA patch with the emotion we expected from him he nodded. "Yeah."
I'm still astonished how the club eased into legitimate businesses immediately after we cut ties with the CIA/ Galindo Cartel, the Irish, the Niners, the Chinese, and the Mayans. But I don't think I've ever been as dumbfounded as I was the day I got the call from Romeo saying "the August Marks situation has been handled." At first I wasn't sure what handled meant. Certainly not meaning SAMCRO isn't tyrannized by Marks any longer. SAMCRO is fortunate as hell Romeo was able to help us get out from August Marks' oppression. I don't know what Romeo did, or what Romeo had on Marks, or why Romeo even did it, but SAMCRO hasn't heard from Marks since and were told we never will. Everyone's ecstatic and relish being able to breathe without worrying if that was their last breath.
I just hope it doesn't mean we 'owe' Romeo anything. That he doesn't have something hanging over our head now. I don't feel like being CIA's bitch. I have enough on my plate right now than to be at their beck and call all the time.
We had barely gotten free of Marks and a new hell has been brought down on us in the form of Lee Toric. The bereaved brother of Pamela Toric- the nurse Otto savagely killed in front of Tara by repeatedly stabbing her in the neck over and over again with a cross. The thought of the horrifying act happening in front of his girl sends chills down Jax's spine and makes him want to cut Otto's heart out.
Toric might be the worse adversary SAMCRO has ever encountered. He makes Stahl look like Tinker Bell. Toric is a rogue ex-US Marshall who has sociopathic tendencies and known to go to extremes to get what he wants. Being an ex- Marshall seems to give him all the power he needs to stalk Tara and make his presence known around the club like the insane vigilante he is.
Right now, Toric is the club's biggest threat. Toric's prepared to take down anyone and everyone affiliated with his sister's death. He seems to be everywhere all the time. I don't know how he does it but we all see him and it seems like it's all at the same time no matter where we are. He hasn't made a move yet but I feel like we're ducks in a shooting gallery just waiting for him to pick us off one by one.
I see Tara retreat more each day into that scared little girl she was when Kohn was terrorizing her when she first came back to Charming. I could have gone the rest of my life never seeing that look in her eyes again. I don't know how, but we need to get rid of this son of a bitch before something happens to either Tara or the club or both. Something crosses Jax's mind... suddenly, he jumps up sending his chair blasting back smashing against the wall behind him. Furiously Jax grabs the edges of the redwood table shaking, looking as though he's trying to break it with his bare hands, causing him to start breathing heavy. Or my boys, I'll rip that motherfuckers head off if he touches my family.
Jax gets his chair and calmly sits back down. Jax shakes his head absentmindedly continuing to roll his lighter on the reaper table trying to get a hold of himself and settle down. We haven't been through everything we have to lose now. We'll find some way to get this ex-Marshall off our backs and under control. if not then we will deal with it in a "club way."
In addition to steering SAMCRO out of the illegal business to legal business we also wanted the public to see us in a different light altogether. We need the people of Charming to do business with us and in order to accomplish that they can't be afraid of us or our past dealings. SAMCRO needed a makeover. It's time the club got out of the 'peddling pussy business.' Jax scoffs, the club has a reputation to uphold now and mothers are reluctant in putting their 'babies' in SAMCRO's newly acquired preschool and daycare if they're owned by outlaws who also peddle pussy. Also, these said mothers do business with our other and upcoming establishments so we decided it's time sell Diosa. So SAMCRO's selling Diosa to some of the guys in the club. Chibs and I both are bowing out. We have families to worry about and don't need or want our children to know we are connected to a whorehouse especially Chibs who has a teenage daughter.
Tara always hated Cara Cara. All the sluts hanging around all the time and I can't blame Tara I was getting pretty tired of their bullshit myself. Then I turned around and got SAMCRO in business with Nero owning Diosa. To say Tara wasn't happy with our new business venture is an understatement. Tara understood it's a legitimate business but didn't like it nevertheless.
After Nero's little gang- the Byz Lats pulled their stunt ambushing Chibs, Happy, Tig and I, when making the gun deal, we had worked out with Nero to keep the Byz Lats away from Diosa. We 'convinced' Nero it would be in his best interest to sell us his share of Diosa for a 'reasonable price.' Now Nero's back with his little gang, and Gemma's standing beside him as his new Queen. Jax scoffs again, how things have changed. Now that the guys are buying Diosa from SAMCRO I won't lose any sleep over the deal. I'm ready to wash my hands of it and move on.
The club has a nice bank roll built up from working with the cartel giving us the ability to start investing in legitimate businesses that will keep the club in the black and running smoothly. We built a new clubhouse and set the old clubhouse on fire, giving the old memories and secrets a final resting place amongst the smoldering rubble that was scraped up and hauled away with the rest of the trash.
Even though I grew up in the old clubhouse I hadn't expected the burning to affect me the way it did; it was like losing Opie, Thomas and my dad all over again. The place where Opie and I used to play hide and go seek when we were growing up and then let Tommy play when he was old enough to stop giggling and was well enough to play. It's where Piney taught us how to shoot pool. We learned how to ride our bicycles there, then how to work and ride on motorcycles, we became mechanics there. But the best memories I have of that old place are of Tara, when we were teens. My old apartment, up on the roof, the bar, everywhere these are my fondest memories. I don't remember any of the girls who stepped over my threshold the ten years Tara was gone I only remember Tara, past and present.
When the club first started talking about building a new clubhouse, we all agreed it should be built on land SAMCRO owns. JT built the first clubhouse on his property which I subsequently own now. With expanding Teller Automotive I need the land but most of all we don't know what SAMCRO will develop into therefore we felt it needed its own land plus the tax write off too.
For the new clubhouse's privacy, we bought the whole block on the street behind the old clubhouse. We tore down everything on the block which, were old run down houses, and built the new SAMCRO Headquarters which also houses our new clubhouse.
SAMCRO's patched members and Lyla have their own one- or two-bedroom apartments with a living room, kitchen and baths on the second floor. They are only accessible through the headquarters keeping the clubhouse parties- when we have one- with the half-dressed women away from our private living quarters; away from the children.
The third floor has dorms used by prospects and visiting charters traveling through Charming needing a place to stay. The only entrance to the dorms is through the clubhouse's barroom.
A few of the brothers live in their apartments and the rest of us use them for lockdowns and other various reasons. We still have lock downs. Our families are more in danger of being kidnapped now that the club has a substantial amount of money compared to what they used to have. That's a downside of being successful business men.
Jax wistfully remembers. The 'new and improved' club's first business we bought was the deserted old diner next door. When we were growing up Opie and I used to live at the old diner, especially during the summer. We ate breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack and supper there so it only seemed fitting that we name it 'Opie's Diner.' I think he would get a kick out of it. At least he doesn't have a preschool named after him. I still want to wring Tara's neck for suggesting to the guys to name one of our new business ventures, a preschool- Prince Charming's. I know she meant it as a joke but I absolutely loathe it. The guys didn't and the club voted 6-1 in favor of the 'Prince Charming Preschool.' Bobby, Chibs, Happy, Juice, Phil and Tig all voted in favor and I was the only one who opposed. Being a democracy, I lost and "Prince Charming's Preschool' was born. Who knew seven old outlaws could remodel an old rundown preschool, to a successful preschool with a waiting list? We figured we did so well with the preschool why not, start a daycare and 'Little Munchkins Daycare' came to life.
Hale's business ventures fell through once the good people of Charming saw Hale's true colors and what he's capable of doing. It only seemed fitting to renovate and open Lumpy's old gym back up in honor of Lumpy Feldstein. Many of us used to work out at Lumpy's and the best way we knew of to honor him was open the gym that he loved so much back up.
One day Juice was scanning for new business ideas and found an old abandon warehouse on the outskirts of town and 'Buck's'- a gun store and firing range was created. Apparently, there aren't any legitimate places you can fire a gun in Charming and surrounding towns, so Buck's came to life. For the first time in decades SAMCRO- used to illegally run guns- is now legally selling firearms and provide a safe place where new buyers can legally learn how to shoot their newly purchased firearms. This is such a hit we made a profit the first month we were open. Something about buying and shooting your gun with an outlaw or at their place of business really sells.
I often wonder what my father would think of the club's turn around; no longer running guns. Something he tried to do years ago but he got killed when he tried. JT was a smart man who loved to read and he taught me I could learn anything as long as I took the time to sit down and read. I think my dad would be proud SAMCRO's helping to educate children.
SAMCRO sponsored a charity run in the name of John Teller benefiting the Charming Library. Charters from all over the country showed up honoring the founding father of the Sons of Anarchy. We made enough money the library built a new children's wing full of books. There was enough money left over for the library to increase the volume of books by 50%.
When it comes to the life of John Thomas Teller I can't dwell on it long. There are too many unanswered questions pertaining to my father. New questions start twisting me up more than I was before. Tara's right. I just need to remember the good times, the father he was to me and how much he loved me. Then throw out all the other things trying to creep in.
One of the first things Tara did when we moved into the new clubhouse was hire a cleaning service to clean SAMCRO's business offices, clubhouse and dorms relieving the crow eaters of the responsibility. The hard partying was replaced to occasionally instead of every night. The guys still needed some sort of contact with the sweet butts and crow eaters and a place to do it. Our problem was solved when we bought, 'The Cavern's Tavern' it's an established business that was struggling. The owners were an old couple who more than glad for us to buy it so they could get out from under it. 'The Cavern,' we renamed it, has shown a profit from the very beginning. Who knew a hangout for a MC's crow eaters, hang arounds and sweet butts give people the simulation of a bikers life. It seems between The Cavern and Buck's our reputation is what keeps us in business.
Then we opened a sports bar across town that had been in foreclosure for a couple of years, 'Slicks.' It didn't take much to fix it up and it was ready to open. It's a quiet atmosphere where you can catch a game or just a quiet drink away from the club. The customers there are regulars who want to have a cold beer and relax in peace.
On special occasions SAMCRO can still throw a hell of a party at the clubhouse and the crow eaters and sweet butts flock to the clubhouse then but they know they have to be on their special behavior or Tara will kick them out.
We still run protection for Oswald Trucking when Oswald feels he needs extra security but most of the runs we do now are for charity. It seems SAMCRO knows how to raise a substantial amount of money for the less fortunate. We are requested for so many charity runs that we have to turn some away because we just can't do them all. We have to pick and choose and that has been something we hadn't anticipated. No one would believe with SAMCRO's reputation we are a bunch of softies who hate to tell people no. That's where Tara comes in and breaks everything down and discusses it with Bobby and they decide who truly needs it and which runs we should do. If it's something that's personal to us or we hold close to our hearts then we do it, no questions asked.
At one time our charity runs were just a cover for our gun running days but now we actually enjoy doing it. Most of the old ladies like to come along on the trips. Tara lives for the chance to ride with her arms wrapped around me between her legs with her thighs rubbing up against me. I can't lie, I love those rides too. It takes us back to our carefree days when we didn't worry about anything except where we were going to stop to make love along the way.
It was on one of these runs and bike rallies I met a lovely woman in charge of the women's charity hosting the event. The whole concept piqued an interest in me. I felt Tara and Charming would benefit from it. It could be just what the doctor ordered, a place for Tara to fit in and make a difference- a Women's Center in Charming. After Tara and Fiona inspected the Center and their financial statement, Tara came back to me and told me she was interested so we started building. In a few months it should be completed and when Tara's ready to decide what the next step in her career will be she'll have a place to do it.
The Women Center is being built across the lot of the new Teller Automotive which I personally own. Since we tore down the old clubhouse we have more room for the Center, my new automotive parts, repairs, and bodywork shop, and the car and motorcycle accessory showroom, specializing in Harley Davidsons. I have to say, we never expected the most business to come from selling car parts. But with the economy now people have to fix things themselves whether they know how or not. These are the hardest repairs we have. By the time the owners finally bring them to us to fix after they have messed around and fucked everything up.
The rewards of becoming a brotherhood again is some of the guys actually think about a future and possibly settling down with a girlfriend or even a wife.
Juice has an old lady named Maxine a 5 foot tall ball of energy he who loves Juice and he adores her. Maxine loves my boys and she's great at entertaining them when she and Juice are around. But I won't leave the boys with Juice and Maxine, they're so wrapped upped in each other they're not aware anyone else is in their world and they would forget Abel and Thomas are there. They remind me of Tara and I when we were in high school, the outside world didn't exist.
Happy even has an old lady, Beverly, but he won't admit it and we sure as hell don't correct him; to his face. Beverly was a co-worker of Tara's in the NICU. Happy met Beverly one afternoon when we were eating lunch at Opie's, Tara and Beverly came in and sat with us. Tara and I were in awe, Happy was talking, actually talking- to a woman. They hit it off and for the first time since I've known him, Happy Lowman dates.
Phil has decided that he wants to meet each one of his soon to be employees at Diosa and 'interview and evaluate' each one personally before he settles down.
Tig. Who wants Tig? Really who does? Tig is a crow eater's dream.
Bobby says he's too old to get involved with one woman. He has too much child support as it is and we all agree with him. Of course it might just be we don't want to lose our cook.
Chibs is a new man with his Fiona and Kerrianne here. Bringing Fiona and Kerrianne to the United States is the best decision Tara and I have made. Sometimes I hardly recognize him he almost glows with happiness.
Moving Chibs to the VP position is what's best for the club. I only wish I had done that in the beginning. I had really hoped Opie would take the position but he declined it, so I thought Bobby was the next best choice at the time. He could make level headed wise decisions. Who knows maybe I should have listened to him. Maybe I shouldn't. But we're here now, and the club is finally recovering from years of being ruled by a ruthless murderer.
One of the problems with going 'legit' and making money is everyone wants to come and join SAMCRO. Front and foremost we are still SONS, members of the Mother Charter and you can't walk away from that no matter who we are. After Clay and his Nomad transfers fuck up we won't let just anyone transfer.
The club decided unanimously, we don't need or want any other members sitting at the table anytime soon. We've lived through too much to let anyone else patch into SAMCRO. Too many of our brothers have given their lives for us to be in the position we're in now. Too much blood has been shed for someone else to come in and reap our benefits. We'll patch Rat in at some time I owe him that for keeping his mouth shut when Clay was shot. I promised him and I will keep my promise but after him no more.
We have plenty of jobs with our new businesses and if a SON's approved they can come and work, they can even remain SONS but they won't sit at our table and they don't have a vote.
Rane Quinn the former Nomad President has many years riding between the lines on the black tar and has decided to hang up his helmet and has chosen Charming as the place to rest his ass. Quinn has proved to be a loyal SON through the years and was always 'ready to ride' and join in where they are needed to help a brother in distress. SAMCRO's not looking to patch in any new members but will offer Quinn a job and a place to lay his head.
It goes without saying the club is leery of Nomads looking to transfer to SAMCRO but Quinn has earned the respect and trust from his brothers. That's not saying any other Nomad can move to Charming and get work. If other weather worn bikers are looking to hang their helmets up,
SAMCRO might be able to find a job for them.
Also, Big Bill has requested a transfer. He's from Tacoma and I don't know much about him except he came down and helped with the Russian problem while we were in prison but that's all I know. Little Willy, I don't know where he's from he has requested one too. We have to take all transfers to the table but that doesn't mean they'll get in.
Prospects are different they don't have the responsibility like they used to. They don't have a chance to be in the club but we still have guys show up for the position all the time. I'm not even sure what the job entails anymore but Bobby knows he takes the applications and he has 'the talk' with the applicants. I'm not even sure what 'the talk' is he's always referring to but I'm sure it's not a fairytale.
When I think of the last real prospect we had, it was Half Sack. It takes my breath away and makes my heart start palpitating knowing he was protecting my family when he was killed. Protecting the family I should have been protecting. My family shouldn't have needed protecting. No, prospects aren't like they used to be. And I'm glad I don't have to worry about them getting blood on their hands.
When Opie and I came along getting the prospect cut meant something, like a rite of passage. We were second generation first nine and that meant something to us. If we hadn't been so caught up in the honor and wanting to be like our fathers bullshit, we would have known it was a bad idea. Since we were five years old all we wanted was a Harley and a cut. Gemma instilled it in us before we ever started school.
Tara was the only one who saw it for what it really was. How a five-year-old little girl who was not involved in SAMCRO knew so much about it I'll never know. Well, I take that back. That was pretty much all Ope and I talked about and being Ope's neighbor that's all she heard from us. How she knew the bad stuff I'm sure was from being quiet and paying attention when people talked which Ope and I were neither- quiet nor observant. Tara used to put her hands on her hips and shake her head at us like we were stupid, just plain stupid. She was like a mini-Gemma who wasn't scared of us, the biker kids, one bit. If truth be known we were scared of her. She could whip our asses back then. A smile crept on Jax's face as he reminisced. Oh, and I willing let Tara whip mine with a hidden smile on my face. Jax laughs.
A small, sad smile crosses Jax's face. It was Thomas though who pushed Tara and me for our first kiss. I'll never forget the look on Tara's face with her hands on her hips stomping that foot, she always had her hands on her hips back then. When Thomas told her what he wanted. Of course, we did anything he wanted when he added before I die. What Thomas didn't know was I had been secretly in love with Tara almost all my life. Maybe Thomas did know he was wise beyond his years. He made me promise to marry Tara because that's who he wanted to marry. I'll never forget the serious look on his face when Thomas made me promise to marry Tara. That's who he wanted to marry but because he couldn't he wanted me to marry her. He wanted me to protect Tara because life had been cruel to her. What would Thomas think now? He would be disappointed in me because I haven't protected Tara from anything; especially me. Jax closes his misty eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose trying to stop the tears that are soon to follow. He takes a deep breath trying to composing himself.
I did marry her and look where it's gotten her. She's in this mess because of me, because she loves me. Jax sighs. Because Otto had a score to settle with me over Luann's death and he holds me personally responsible. It looks like Tara was right the club is bad news especially for her.
Jax has thought on this too hard and has a headache. Everything has finally started falling into place, everything except for Tara. Tara being the caring loving wife and mother she is, has sacrificed everything for me and our family to get us out and away from SAMCRO. Only now she faces her own charges. I never wanted this for Tara. I never wanted for her to lose her innocence but I was so eloquently reminded not long ago that you can't have both, 'That you can't ride two horses with one ass.' You can't be sweet and innocent and survive this life. I can say I would have sent Tara away if I had known she wouldn't be able to stay the same sweet Tara I fell in love with. I would be lying. I wouldn't have. I couldn't have sent her away, and she wouldn't have gone. We lived too much of our lives apart. We weren't going to go back to those lonely miserable times without each other.
Would have I gone away with my family once there was no more RICO charges? Would I have given up the reins to the club I was born into? Would I willingly walk away? Could I walk away from something I love so dearly? Then invariably I see Tara's face, her green eyes brimmed with tears. Jax has to stop thinking these thoughts... he's too afraid he wouldn't like the answers.
Fuck it, I need a beer. No. No I'm going home to my family. Jax got up and walked through the heavy wooden double doors out of the room he had been holed up in for the past four hours to go home to his wife and children.