Chapter Twenty Four: A Freaking Westerosi Wedding, Part Two.
Twentieth Day of the Eleven Month, 113 AC.
It was rare to see Ebermen at a loss for words, "That… that was…"
He seemed to struggle with the word, a rarity for him.
"Awkward," I said as I almost dragged myself into my rooms. Still in the same shape as before. "The word you are looking for is awkward."
Ebermen blinked before nodding, "as you say."
The guards around us were nodding their agreement, I did not blame them as I knew how much it could suck to be forced to listen to the spectacle. I could swear that I heard Reach-Hubert mutter something about watching a nail being yanked off.
An accurate assessment.
Meeting with the Velaryons had been every form of awkward in existence.
It had not been Laenor's fault, the man was still showing far more the brainy if painfully oblivious savant that I had not seen a lick of in the otl.
Hell, his very first question was not about me at all, he asked me how things were going with Clearsky and if she was healthy.
The fact that said living vacuum cleaner was standing behind me made me wonder what purpose I was serving there. Not that I minded though, it was nice and light conversation.
When it came down to it, I actually really liked Laenor and would have enjoyed the visit immensely if he had been alone. I might even have warned him off from reading anymore Valyrian Theology due to its whole 'crazy precursor religion tied with weird eldritch shit' thing.
But he was not the problem.
The problem had been with Silver Fox and Fem-Kamina, they would not stop explaining why Laena was absent from the feast. They claimed that she was still ill but that she was on the mend and might make the feast, that she sent her best wishes and looked forward to the formal betrothal.
Ya, right. My wager as to what Laena was doing at that moment involved Daemon, some whip-cream analogue and strawberries.
Not that I minded, every second Daemon was busy with her was a moment he was not available to screw with me in a more metaphorical sense.
Not that I did not think that the matter would not eventually screw me over as well, but I could only disarm so many bombs at a time.
I just wanted the whole thing canceled so that I could focus on building relations with the second dragoniest family on the continent who also happened to be disgustingly rich and powerful. I was convinced that unlike most everyone else in Westeros, Laenor was simply unable to competently hide an agenda and simply lacked the malice to.
Combine that with him being the heir to that wonderfully powerful family and I could have a genuinely reliable ally if I can convince him to be a touch less obvious.
I just needed to overcome having my fate tied to a young adult's hormones and capacity for bad decisions.
Not that doing so would be easy it seemed.
Despite my reassurances that I understood that she might be 'unavailable' and that 'this whole matter must be difficult for her' they kept going on and on about it.
Honestly the only thing that kept the conversation from being a complete nightmare was playing the dragon-fan card which seemed to be almost universally able to derail the Velaryons like it was nobody's business.
It would only distract the elders for a few minutes but at least it made the whole affair manageable enough.
Not to mention that Corlys was about the only person aside from Arral on the continent which seemed to have something interesting to say about far away lands.
I ended up agreeing with Rhaenys to go for a ride on Meleys, to introduce Laenor to Arral and to sit down with Corlys to discuss his journeys. Any other time those were all things I would be content to kill for but with my schedule for the foreseeable future as crammed as it was, it only made life harder.
I could at least get some mileage out of Laenor so I arranged that meeting for early the following morning.
Which fortunately, meant that I got to fall unconscious for a few quick hours.
"Best try to get some rest everyone," I yawned. "Tomorrow is going to be an absolutely miserable day."
"As you say," The Shield and the guards echoed as one to my amusement, the other Pendants had begun to echo my Bull's words.
Just because I was fairly sure that most all of them would turn on me did not mean that I did not appreciate the effort.
My guard dispersed as we entered my apartments, leaving only Ebermen tailing me as I made a quick round to make sure that everyone was resettling in nicely.
As expected Nessa had already reestablished the household and reported that the remaining Pendants in the city had been confirmed and had already begun putting their ears to the ground. I honestly did not have the energy to pay too much attention to the briefing at that point but being half-asleep led to a funny thought.
If I am still questioning the woman who has essentially been a second-mother and utterly loyal to me since I arrived at this point, there is something seriously wrong with me, I thought as I waited for her to finish her report.
"You seem exhausted, My Prince," Nessa sighed after she had finished and shook her head. "You are supposed to be my responsibility."
I tried not to chuckle at that, Nessa had yet to turn twenty-four for all of her behaving like an old crone so it was weirdly hilarious whenever she tried to play the part. "I apologize for being such a difficult child."
She raised a brow, "I may not be a learned Maester, My Prince. But even I know a jape when I hear it."
"I beg your pardon," I smiled at my nanny. "I have one last request though before I let you get some sleep."
"Of course," She nodded sharply, humor fading back into the near-military professionalism which had become increasingly unbefitting a 'nanny'.
"See if you can fetch me a mushroom before breakfast," I smiled, I was a few weeks behind on communications. I could not risk Mushroom's messages on the road anymore.
"Of course," she repeated, her smile turning into something a touch predatory. "I will have Lambert see to it."
"My thanks," I waved as I left the room and made my way to my bedchamber.
"I think I am not sure I am even going to bother with the bed," I yawned again, tired enough at that point that I might collapse before reaching the bed.
"As you say," My shield grunted as he made his way to his bed chamber adjacent to mine. Ever since the Arral incident he had decided that being more than a thin-walled room away from me was a recipe for my getting assassinated.
It is sort of silly given that I literally sleep with a dragon a foot away from me, I chuckled at that thought as I got into my bed while said flamethrower curled up next to the bed. It was curious how I sometimes forgot Sky was there, sort of like how you do not look for your lungs or your brain, you just sort of assume that they are there.
But it was good that Ebermen took the measure, it meant that my paranoia was starting to rub off on him. Which was for the best given that his job was keeping my hide intact.
Now to get the bare minimum of sleep, it would be a busy day tomorrow.
And I had some hunting to do.
Well, gathering might be a better word.
…
"Talk," I commanded the short man in front of me.
"About what milord?" Mushroom asked nervously.
It was probably a reasonable concern, given the scene.
I was seated on one of the bigger chairs in my study, flanked by Ebermen and Nessa while my guard flanked the entrance. The thresher also known as Clearsky had her head on my lap while I scratched behind her horns.
That Lambert was standing next to him did not finish the image in the best way, the young man's newborn had been a bit sick as of the last raven. This being a problem since the raven-haired youth tended to tap his sword pommel when worried.
Maybe it was the four hours of sleep making me crankier than usual. "Everything."
"Old Mushroom cannot remember everything," the fool said defensively. "Not to disrespect!"
I tapped the arm of my chair, "Alicent, Rhaenyra, other notables. Speak. Now. Or…"
Nessa smiled, "Your stipend will be reduced to five stags, your… leisure's interval will be doubled and
The fool became paler by the word while Nessa seemed to be enjoying the entire affair given how she punctuated each word.
It was eerily similar to a cat playing with a cornered mouse.
Normally I would be nicer, but I was short on time, cranky, hungry, missing in formation and with my life at stake.
"Well, milord. The queen has been speaking badly about the princess," The fool said.
I raised a brow, "The sky is also blue last time I checked."
The dragon opened an eye in recognition of her name, although the spy took it the wrong way.
"No milord! This is new!" Mushroom said quickly, "She's been questioning the princess's purity! Mushroom swears!"
God damnit mom, time and place. It should probably only be surprising that she did not take advantage of the Daemon thing when it happened.
Nah, I reconsidered. My mother was not a fool and the Valeryons were still useful, harming Rhae at that time would have entirely too much risk of making me a laughing stalk.
"Anything specific?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes.
"She claims that she has given her maidenhead to the prince!" Mushroom said quickly.
I looked up at Mushroom, "I really hope that you mean Daemon."
"Of course!" Mushroom said excitedly, "But that is not all! She says that the Princess has taken Ser Criston as a lover and-"
"Hold," I growled, sleep receding completely as my lips pulled back. Beneath me, Sky tensed and I felt her skin shift from barring her teeth. "Is there any truth to that rumor?"
The fool looked insulted. "Of course, it is not! Ser Criston is the noblest knight that ever lived, he is!"
I would have been amused that Mushroom was apparently touchier about his 'professional' pride than he was scared of the dragon, if I hadn't been livid.
If he is so noble then I genuinely wish that martyrdom is not a component of the Andal faith, he could go heroically die by blood eagle. I reigned my irritation back, deeming it useless at that moment.
"Anything unusual happen between them?" I asked slowly.
The fool stopped for a moment and looked slightly hesitant.
That would not do.
"Sky," I said sweetly. She moved her head from my lap to regard the man, teeth still bared.
"There is one thing!" Mushroom said urgently.
Huh, I wonder what had startled him.
"Go on," please let it be nothing, please let it be nothing.
"Ser Criston went to her rooms last night! Mushroom thought it was strange that the Lord Commander not rest in the tower, Mushroom thought it wise to follow him," The fool was committed to intel gathering if nothing else. Get rid of that damned sourleaf habit and you might actually get a reliable agent.
"And what did you see?" I asked with a bit of impatience, it was only four hours to sunrise. I swear Cole is you literally or metaphorical fucked things up I will feed you to a meat grinder and make sure a bit goes into every bowl of brown in Fleabuttom for a fortnight.
"Mushroom did not see much," he admitted. "But he did hear yelling before Ser Criston stormed out, surely the Princess did something to anger him greatly."
"I asked for information not analysis," I frowned.
"Of course," Mushroom said nervously.
My frown deepened, that would not do. I was letting my irritation fall on the wrong target.
"You will forgive me Mushroom," I sighed. "My anger is at the situation, not at you."
"Of course, milord," Given that he was not changing his body language I doubted that he meant it.
I'd leave him a package of sourleaf, not to be an enabler but better a happy and questionable agent than one that might get it in his head to betray you.
"Hmm, anything else?"
I had him go over every last little thing he had seen or noticed in my absence, from Alicent's overtures with Septon Eustace to Viserys seeming to have doubled down on ignoring reality even as his daughter and her groom were getting along like tepid water and a balloon. I let him go once I was content with his information if not the increasing hostility that it reflected.
As the fool wandered off I massaged my temples.
"Are you certain he spoke truthfully?" Ebermen asked as he pushed himself from the wall he had been leaning against for the entire interrogation.
I took a deep breath, "Probably, maybe? I do not know and to a degree it does not matter."
"This will be easier once we the purchases are complete," Nessa said sharply.
I looked up at her and raised a brow. "Purchases?"
"Apologies, My Prince," My adjutant bowed her head. "I had not wished to bother you, but I successfully liquidated some shares of a lucrative of trading company dealing in apples sutures from the Arbor. I have opted to reinvest the capital in partnering with the owner of four 'reputable' establishments on Street of Silk."
"Huh," I nodded dumbly. Well, that is a thing.
"It consider it your capital of course," the 'nanny' said quickly. "The profits will of course be directed into your accounts, but it seemed a worthwhile venture. I assure you that I am using Omeld's cousin Ser Farfyld as a representative."
"He is reliable, My Prince," The Westerman spoke up. "But not sharp or clever enough to deduce who is my backer nor to question orders. I would not betray your trust."
I quickly tried to bite back my surprise and process what was happening.
"Of course," I nodded to both of them. "My thanks for your initiative, be sure to alert me if something useful comes of it."
I need to start looking into Nessa's definition of 'profit', I noted absently. Her margins must have been nothing short of insane if she had grown her portfolio enough in half of a year to pull that.
The 'nanny' cleared her throat again, "But regarding 'Mushroom' and his words?"
Ah yes, the wedding.
"It is all, troublesome," I grumbled. "But not as bad as it could be."
So, it looked like that like that sack of useless blubber otherwise known as Eustace had had the right of it, Cole had asked her to elope and she had turned him down.
Sadly, I could not revel in the otherwise sublime schadenfreude because A). Cole turning on her has been one of the escalations that led to the damned war that would probably kill me and B). He was still by her side, why? And the wedding is still a night away… It did not add up.
"We still do not know enough," I muttered.
Ebermen shrugged, "Sometimes we must act without full knowledge."
"I would disagree, Ser," Nessa frowned. "Circumstance forcing risk does not mean that it should be deemed acceptable."
"Lovely, everyone is also turning into philosophers on me now?" I shot him a dry smile.
"As you say," He said with his equivalent of a smile while Nessa gave him an amused shake of her head.
"Well I say that we should get going," I grunted as I pulled myself out of my chair. Sky followed suit by pulling herself up from her feet. "We have an appointment with the groom after all. Try not to buy the Iron Throne in my absence."
"I would require a fortnight for that at least, My Prince," Nessa deadpanned.
…
"Are you alright Gaemon?" Laenor asked as I sipped from my tea in his rooms.
Aside from the few servers around us (and I still made eye contact damnit! Westeros will not get the better of me!) the only people in the parlor were Laenor and Joffrey seated on a couch in their continued crusade on subtlety. Sky for her part was curled up and napping out on the courtyard that the parlor led into (not every room could fit her anymore) while Ebermen was standing next to me. I myself settled for an armchair.
"I am very well Laenor," I smiled as I took a page from Lymon's book and replaced periods with sips.
Laenor frowned, "Then I fear you should sleep more, your eyes are rather bloodshot."
I swallowed a retort about that being in large part due to his incompetence and he seemed genuinely concerned with my health.
"I do not handle travel terribly well," I lied.
"Oh" Laenor asked. "You must ask the Maester about that! Travel by dragon back might be different but it has been known to sicken some."
Joffrey blushed as pushed one of his long black locks out of his eyes and tucking it behind his ear, "I myself cannot stomach it. Seasmoke is a lovely creature but I would never wish to rider upon her again."
"Do not worry Joff," Laenor smiled at his agonizingly obvious lover and stroked his hand. "You are still a fine rider."
I wondered what it said about me that it took me a moment to realize that he was being literal, Joffrey Longmouth was actually a fairly promising horseman.
Alright time to bite the bullet.
"Laenor we must talk about tomorrow," I said while dropping any pretense at levity. "and what will come after."
Laenor looked predictably confused but Joffrey had the good sense to stiffen slightly, it was curious that his irritated expression became stony instead of visibly angry.
"The wedding you mean?" Laenor asked with tired sigh. "What of it?"
"I understand the… difficulty of your position," I said calmly. "You are aware of your reputation."
That killed the good humor in the room almost as quickly as Laenor's face drained of warmth.
"Whatever do you mean?" His face became hard. Or at least as much as his fine features would allow.
"Ebermen," I said sternly. "Would you please escort these fine gentlemen out and see to it that we are not disturbed?"
"As you say," Ebermen answered. By the startled rush of the servers, I would wager that Ebermen's expression had said a thousand words. "Are you certain that you wish me to remain outside?"
"Yes," I answered.
He obeyed without further comment.
As the doors shut, Joffrey was the first to speak.
His pretty features had a chilly expression matched by his tone, "Brave of you to send him away after insulting our honor."
It spoke well of him that he was taking me seriously at least, most would have felt a bit idiotic speaking to a seven-ish year old that way.
"I have leveled no such insults and I know Laenor is a noble enough sort that I need not fear him," Pandering always helped. "Should you opt for violence however you might note that I am not alone."
As their heads followed my finger they met Sky's very much open eyes which were staring at them unblinkingly. Dragons did not blink much in the first place, but emphasis is key.
"Enough Joffrey," Laenor said with a sigh. "He did not come with a Septon and a mob, Gaemon is not the sort to harm others for the sake of it in any case."
…Huh, it had been a while since I was ashamed not to live up to someone else's expectations. I guessed that his naivety had its upsides after all.
"You know that it is not that simple," Joffrey commented.
Laenor gently raised his hand, "Enough, let us hear him out. Seasmoke burning the keep in vengeance will do us little good if we are dead."
"If you do not listen to me then we are all for the slaughter regardless," I let out a breath for emphasis.
Laenor raised a brow, "What do you mean."
"My sister needs children," I said flatly.
Laenor sighed again, letting out more frustration than I think he meant to. "It is not that simple!"
"It is," I cut him off. "Do not mistake my stating facts for judgement, I am one of the exceedingly few people at court that will not judge either of you for being who you are."
That got their attention. Which worked for me.
"You are both scions of noble houses, tell me. How many people marry for love or anything approaching that?" I asked rhetorically. "Love and marriage might as well be contradictory statements in Westeros! In the entire world!"
"So you ask us to give up what little happiness is afforded to us?" Joffrey asked, his face expressionless.
I arched a brow, "Did I ever ask you to give it up? I merely said that my sister needs children."
"I cannot," Laenor said shaking his head. "It is not so simple! My father refuses to hear a word of it! I cannot! I literally cannot! I can give you a mechanical explanation if you wish!"
I sighed, how the hell did I end up in this situation?
Oh right, some prick of a divinity.
"That is not what I am asking of you," I rubbed my temples. I had hoped for them to piece it together themselves, but I guess I had to force-feed them the answers. "I am asking you to put on the appearance of it!"
I leaned forward and allowed a distinctly unchildlike and a conspiratory smile spread across my face.
"Be the husband in public, not even a good one, most Westerosi would not comprehend romance if someone carved the definition into their foreheads. Be overt in private as you will but I am begging you to show restraint in public," I was skating on incredibly thin ice here. I could not fathom Corlys not having had this conversation before.
"That does not solve the issue of children," Laenor sighed. "I suppose you wish for your sister to bed Ser Criston then? Pass his children as mine?"
Sky growled audibly as I ground my teeth and clutched my hands so tight to the armrests of my chair until my knuckles were white.
"Not Cole, never Cole," I hissed.
I shook my head immediately. Now was not the time to act like a crazy person.
"I mean," I coughed to even my tone. "He would not work, your hair is like my sister's Laenor. I would not want to wager on any children resulting from her coupling with most men resulting with Valyrian features. We need a dragonseed, a Lyseni boy if it comes down to it."
"You really are as strange as everyone says," Joffrey noted, he was not really looking at me. He seemed to be thinking through what I was suggesting. "A child of seven should not speak like you do."
I shrugged, "Be thankful that my oddities allow me a rather… unique perspective."
"It leaves a sour taste," Laenor frowned. "You speak of your own sister as if she was a breeding mare. I was taught at length not to speak so bluntly about the reality of our situation."
That stung but he was not in the wrong, "It revolts me to say it, but I consider it an acceptable price to pay. One does not need to be gifted to see that things cannot stand as they are, my father will gladly allow things to remain escalating in the shadows until he dies and unleashes all that has built up under his reign. I do not know about you two, but I would rather not test whether I am fireproof."
Laenor sighed and passed a hand through his long hair, "I do not like this but, if Rhaenyra agrees then it will make life more bearable."
"I wished that that was all of it," I sighed.
Joffrey smiled slightly, "What more could there possibly be?"
"What do you know of Daemon's exile?"
…
"Can they be trusted?" Ebermen asked. As we walked back to my quarters.
The entirely damned afternoon.
The entire DAMNED afternoon!
And I did not have it in me to be angry.
Arral had arrived a few hours after our scheming and the rest of the day turned into long debate regarding theology, Valyrian customs and dragon-breeding (ironically). I kept thinking I would be gone in a few minutes but I was drawn into it.
"Oh definitely not," I was feeling rather good all in all as I strolled next to Sky. "I trust them to be do what is in their best interest now that it has been clearly illustrated for them. Joffrey is to sharp to be completely trusted I think, Laenor might be on his own but I do not trust him to restrain himself alone. Failing that, I have painted some nice targets for them to be incompetent towards."
Laenor had not taken the revelation of who had dishonored his sister well. I was fairly sure that I had never seen him angry enough to have me concerned about whoever happened to be near Seasmoke. I also warned them that Joffrey should avoid the tournament as Ser Criston might seek to avenge himself on them. Even if they acted on one of the two it was a win for me.
If nothing else not being a raging homophobe probably earned me quite a few brownies.
"I do not like it," Ebermen commented.
I looked up at him. "I refuse to judge them for being different. It would be quite a feat to be more unnatural than I. "
The Bulwer looked down at me as we walked, "Not that, I have come to expect people to pervert their duties, why not other aspects of life?"
Well that was… well it was not technically wrong from a duty=logic mindset.
"Fair, then what bothers you?" I asked.
"It feels dangerous," the Bull shrugged. "I will not protest but there is harm in overplaying your hand."
"You are not wrong," I chuckled. Maybe my exhaustion has gone full circle? "But we do not exactly have a great many options."
He thought about it for a bit before answering.
"As you say," he commented as we strolled across the shadowed gardens under the moon, it was a bit uncomfortable to lack my guards, but they were needed elsewhere and Ebermen and Clearksy were enough to protect a small castle.
Still, I was uncomfortable enough to be wary of silence.
"I did not know you played cards," I added after a while.
Ebermen shrugged, "I did not know you considered yourself unnatural."
"Heh, fair enough!" I smiled.
We lapsed into an idle chatter as we walked through the keep.
Until.
"Stop," Ebermen stretched a hand over my chest.
"What is it?" I asked.
"I see someone waking across the garden," he pointed over the balcony.
As I reached over to look down, I saw what he meant.
A cloaked figure was running through the courtyard.
I focused in as best I could, I spotted gold and silver spilling out from under the hood.
And it was running from the direction of the White Sword Tower.
Oh fuck.
"Ebermen run down to meet us," I did not even think as I moved.
"What do you mean- GAEMON NO!" He shouted in horror as Sky launched herself over the railing.
With my arms wrapped around her neck.
Well she should have been strong enough to carry me.
I hoped.