Street shifted his helmet to his right hand while fumbling with the key to Zee's serviced apartment with his left. Get a grip, he chided himself. The last thing he wanted was to wake Jamie in the middle of the night.

Letting the cool air prickle his nostrils, he willed the shaking of his hands to stop. The situation was less than ideal, but the complex apartment was not half bad. Sure, it was nicer in daylight, but it was safe at any given time—Street had thoroughly checked. Here Jamie could enjoy the playground area and Zee had her independence and privacy while not having to exhaust the little energy she had with cleaning and stuff.

Street trusted Zee's choices but hated the compromise. The weight of his backpack on his shoulders seemed to double as he replayed his girlfriend's refusal to come live at his place—well, Luca's, but he wouldn't have minded. They would have been a bit cramped, but that could have been home to all of them. There, his girls could have it all. Except for privacy…

Switching to his SWAT stealthy entrance mode one last time for the next thirty-six hours, Street slipped inside the apartment, locked the door at his back, and tiptoed past the bed where Zee was huddled under the deep-red coverlet. A couple feet away, in an identical bed, the considerably smaller frame of Jamie got almost lost in the big mattress.

Semi-darkness prevented Street from clearly discerning the little girl's serene expression but not warmth from spreading through his heart. Moonie's long ears sprouted from under the cover's rim. Jamie couldn't sleep without clutching her best friend to her chest and occasionally used it as an emergency Linus blanket when awake. That was why Zee always had the crocheted aquamarine bunny with her, which also worked as her emotional support when Jamie was at school and out of sight.

Putting extra attention on being quiet, Street laid his helmet on the kitchenette table and his backpack on the floor and shrugged off his leather jacket to change into the sweatpants and cotton T-shirt he brought along to sleep in.

Zee's rhythmic breathing, mingled with Jamie's, echoed in the room. Street felt guilty about waking his girlfriend, but she made him promise he would, regardless of the time his shift ended. He'd argued her body needed the rest; she'd countered she needed him even more. At that, he gave up any protests because he needed her, too. Work had been hectic lately, and they had not spent quality time together since a few nights prior when he'd come to read Jamie a bedtime story before Zee sang her a lullaby, ditching Luca, Tan, and Chris mid-dinner to do so.

Remorse washed over Street, but he swallowed it. He would have time to make up to his friends. With Zee… No such luxury.

All thoughts and worries were wiped away the moment he slid under the covers and laid his lips on Zee's forehead, causing a smile to appear on her face even before she opened her emerald-green eyes to him. She was all the light he needed.

"Sorry I'm this late," Street whispered in her ear.

"You kept your promise," Zee said softly.

His heart gave a twitch. "You doubted it?"

"Not for one second." She caressed his helmet-messed-up hair back before swiping her hand down his cheek. "Difficult case?" she added, failing to hide her concern.

"Hurry up and wait kinda mission." Noticing his girlfriend's raised eyebrows, Street explained, "Endless stake-out before a quick resolve."

"My hero." Zee's smile made him feel at home in a way he'd never felt before. Even in a bare room. Even with the clock ticking on them. "You must be wrecked. Let me work my magic on your sore muscles," she said under her breath, motioning for him to turn his back to her for a massage.

Street simply hugged her. "Just let me hold you all night, and everything will fall into place."

Zee threw a glance at the sleeping angel in the bed next to theirs, her rhythmic breath filling the silence of the night, then her eyes saddened. "I wish I could give you more." She rested her long fingers above her heart.

"I don't need—" Street's eyes shot sideways before setting back on Zee. "I don't need s-e-x to enjoy intimacy with you." He rested his lips on her hairline, holding her tighter. He ached for more than cuddles and chaste kisses, but he had to do with the memories of the passion scurrying through his veins, the feathered lips trailing down his skin, and the sweet taste of her. The feel of their connection ebbed in his brain, heart, and muscles.

"You know she can spell, right?" Zee trailed a finger down his bicep. "On the other hand, she sleeps like a rock…" A wistful smile appeared on Zee's face. They both knew it wasn't for Jamie's presence if they couldn't be as 'active' as a normal couple would be. "We weren't such a bad match..." Her eyes betrayed her bluff. Fireworks flared between them since their first time together.

"Not bad? You sure know how to flatter a man, uh?" Trying to ignore his longing, Street drew away from her just the slightest bit until they lay on their sides, facing each other.

Zee muffled a soft laugh by sealing her lips to his, then pulled back and tried to compose herself, adjusting her loose nightgown up her chest. Even in the non-existent lighting, Street discerned a shadow crossing her face.

Peering intently at her eyes, he tucked a strand of auburn hair behind her ear. "You know you don't have to hide any part of you from me," he said, feathering the back of his finger along the scar that ran from the center of her cleavage down the length of her breastbone.

Zee's strength and courage were etched in this scar, but it represented so much more than that. Behind it was the reason Zee left years ago, crushing Street's hope of creating something durable with her. At the same time, it was why she was back in his life now, giving him more than he could give her. It was both a blessing and a curse because the medical procedure that caused it had given her a chance to live over ten extra years fulfilling all her dreams while also meaning she couldn't be saved a second time. She'd exploited that chance to the full and now lived on borrowed time.

Street hated her scar even more than watching his bare torso in the mirror. But though he still had a hard time touching the ebbed skin on his abdomen under the shower, he loved every inch of Zee's body and could caress and kiss her breastbone for hours. He accepted Zee exactly for who she was. Through thick and thin.

As if reading his thoughts, Zee slid a hand beneath his T-shirt and rested it on his side, her warmth seeping through the hardened skin there. "I let you kiss me better if you let me do the same for you."

"What a good pair we make," Street said in a breath, pressing his hand over Zee's on his side while leaning over to place his lips on her scar before bringing his mouth to rest on her hairline. Donating a portion of his liver to his mom had been his free choice, one he would make all over again, even knowing the outcome wouldn't change.

It was his mother's choices he regretted. Yet again, as Chris told him once, had his childhood been any different, he wouldn't have met her or any of the guys. If he hadn't met Buck that awful day, he wouldn't have become a cop or a SWAT member. Without his instructor's obsession with the diner Zee worked at, he would probably never have met this incredible woman who lay in his arms now.

As well, Street realized that if his mom hadn't needed a transplant or if he had followed Chris's advice and chose not to undergo the risky procedure, he wouldn't have met Zee at the hospital on the day of his last check-up.

On the wave of those thoughts, a new respect for Zee's choices in order to take care of her daughter surged through him.

Zee let out a sigh, the puff of hot air caressing Street's skin. "We can understand each other in a way most people don't."

The memory of the endless days after his donation surgery washed through Street. The helplessness, the pain—physical and beyond— and the loneliness... Thinking he'd not been by Zee's side when she'd been stuck for weeks on end in a hospital bed killed him. If he'd known, if she'd given him a chance, Street would have done anything to save Zee from undergoing all that alone. Not that she'd been truly alone, her loving parents had been by her side, and that's why she moved back to her hometown, but he could have given her more. He still would do anything to prevent something worse from happening to her. If only it was in his power to…

A giggle carried in a whisper all the way from Jamie's bed and broke the heavy spell of thoughts. Street and Zee both stilled before smiles cracked their faces.

"At least someone has sweet dreams." Zee turned in Street's arms, adjusting her position so he spooned her, and clasped his hand in hers across her stomach. "I wish she could be like this forever."

"I wish we all could stay like this forever." Street brushed her hair away and rested his lips on the base of her neck. Without Zee at his side, he wasn't able to sleep well anymore. What would he do when—Zee locked her feet around Street's freezing ones. Count on her to ground him to the present, warm his body and soul.

Jamie's regular breathing blanketed them reassuringly, relaxing them.

"Jim?" Zee said after a while. "Are you nervous to formally introduce me to your friends?"

"Are you to properly meet them all?"

"I asked first."

"Honey—"

"Maybe a bit." Zee squeezed his hand, which still rested across her stomach. "Okay, I definitely am."

Street let out a soft chuckle. She was so confident and driven, but the thought of meeting his family made her quiver. Those people were important to her because they were important to him. And he loved her all the more for it, but maybe they weren't ready. "You know we don't have to."

Zee took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Are you afraid they will not like me or that they will like me too much?"

Mixed bottled-up emotions constricted Street's chest. Maybe he was not ready. "We can grab a picnic on the beach, just the three of us. Enjoy a quiet day."

"We could, but we shouldn't." Zee shifted slightly and tilted her head back to look Street in the eyes. "Jamie can't wait to spend some time with Duke again. You know how she already came to love that dog and its owner. Speaking of whom, I promised Luca we would go to his last-of-the-season BBQ, and you know I keep my promises."

"Yeah…"

"And I also think meeting with your friend's daughter, Lila, will help Jamie more than anything. My sweetie pie is bonding well with her cousins but with other kids at school, not so much. And she would need some extra friends after…"

As Zee's voice trailed off, Street let out a breath, touching his forehead to her neck.

"I know." Zee's voice quivered.

Not able to speak, Street hugged her even tighter.

"It's a good thing, Jim." Zee let her words sink in before wiggling in his hold and turning under the covers to face him, resting her forehead to his.

He closed his eyes, focusing only on her touch.

"I've been thinking a lot about this situation since I met Luca and even more since I saw all your teammates at your mom's funeral. We agreed that keeping our relationship private would be better for everyone, but…" She placed a warm hand on Street's heart. "It was just a lie we told ourselves to make the reality less scary."

"I don't want to share you." Street's chest tightened, and he brought his hand to it, covering her fingers. They swore to always be honest with each other, but he was lying to himself more and more. He huffed. "And I hate lying to my friends, even by omission."

"I know, and I wish you didn't have to." Zee glanced over her shoulder to Jamie, who still slept peacefully. "But I don't think I'll be able to tell her the truth before the get-together. I can't stand to crush her little soul just yet. And I don't want to bias her on the situation before she had the chance to know her aunt a little better."

"It's okay," Street breathed out. "I trust your instincts with her. You're a good mom. A great mom."

Zee buried her face into Street's chest. "I'm sorry, 'Shine. I'm so, so sorry. I've never wanted this. I—" she fisted his T-shirt. "This is why I got away from you when we first fell in love. To save you from the pain. And now? What am I doing now? I'm sorry…"

"No, no, no. Hey, no." Street tilted her chin up and held her wet gaze. "Honey, I know you. You're always putting the people you love first, but it's right time you take something for yourself."

"I came here for my daughter," Zee whispered against his chest, hiding her eyes from him again. "For her to meet her only living relative worth meeting, so she would have a proper family when I'm gone. But then I met you, and I realized I never stopped loving you, and… and…"

"I know." Street rubbed soothing circles on Zee's back. "That's what hit me too. The realization I still loved you no matter what happened in the past. No matter what will happen in the future."

"What hit me is that, yes, I still love you, but I also need you more than ever. But the last thing I wanted was to take advantage of you, and now I'm doing just that."

"That's not true." Street's heart was beating so painfully, he feared it might stop. "I'm doing what I'm doing of my own free will. And I'll do it all over again from the start. I'll do anything for you, and I'll not apologize for that nor regret that. Ever."

"I never wanted to shove this crap on you."

"Language." Street motioned at the sleeping Jamie.

Zee planted her palm flat on his pectorals, not having the strength to hit him like she probably wanted to do. "This is serious. I… I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that, please. None of this is your fault. You're so strong and brave, and I'm proud of you."

She shook her head. "I am not that strong. I may have won a few battles, but I'm losing the war. There is nothing I can do to change that. That's nothing anyone can do."

"You're doing great." Street kissed her on the top of her head. "You're doing the best you can." He desperately wanted to tell her everything would resolve and that they could figure things out together, but that was not how it worked. Nothing would be okay. But maybe…

In a heartbeat, his muscles coiled, and he reached for the lamp on the bedside table. He turned it on, checking Jamie's reaction, but she didn't even stir, so he slid away from Zee and out the bed.

"Jim what—"

"Shh. I'll be right back," Street whispered, rummaging through his backpack while silently cursing himself for not finding the time to act on the desire in his heart sooner. Determined, he kept looking. There must be something that works. When his fingers touched cold metal, they closed around his keychain and took it out. Keys jittering lightly in his shaking hand. He removed the one that opened his storage box, the only one connected to the main ring with a smaller, thin one. Ditching the key and keeping the ring, he knelt at the side of the bed, fumbling with adjusting its size to fit Zee's slender finger.

Zee gasped, her eyes glittering in the dim light as he slid the makeshift engagement ring on.

"My heart has been yours from the instant we locked eyes with each other in that crowded diner, stopping time," Street started and plunged on, silencing Zee's protests. "And if I could literally give it to you and save your life, I would."

Her voice broken, Zee's words came out almost inaudible, "Even if you could, I wouldn't let you sacrifice your life for mine."

He shook his head. "That's beside the point because I can't do that. What I can do is let everyone know how much I love you and that I'm all yours. Mackenzie Miller," he said, and for the first time, he didn't flinch uttering her late husband's last name, "would you make me an honorable man, the happiest man on the planet, by becoming my wife?"

She shook her head, tears gleaming in her eyes.

"Let's elope," he continued, his heart thumping so loud he could bet she could hear it. "I know it's not the most romantic proposal, and that this—" he passed his thumb on the thin metal ring "—is not as fancy as the one I've fantasized about buying you, but I love you, and I want to be yours forever. I will go to the jewelry first thing in the morning, then—"

Zee blinked back tears, but they escaped anyway. Forever for her would not be that long a time. "This ring is perfect, but—"

"I love you, Zee." Street silenced her again. "I love you, and I know you love me, so let's just do this. Tomorrow. Or the next available space at the court. Maybe I can pull some strings as Luca did for Tan and—"

"Jim, breathe."

He inhaled deeply and heaved a long sigh. "Wouldn't it be perfect to officially introduce you to my friends as my wife?"

"Oh…" Zee choked back a sob, and the reality showered over Street with its ice-cold powers. "Come here." She tugged on their joined hands to make him get up from his kneeled position and scooted back on the mattress to make room for him to sit at her side. "Come here."

Street's throat closed at her reaction as he let her pull back under the covers with her. Deep down, he knew this dream would never come true, that he shouldn't even want this, but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself.

"Jim, 'Shine of my life," Zee rested a hand on his cheek. "Eternal guardian of my soul, I love you more than I'll ever be able to express, but we're not gonna get married. You understand, right?" She smiled, warmth radiating from her to Street's wavering heart. "I know you understand."

"I had to try." Street put his hand over hers on his cheek, feeling the makeshift ring with his thumb, then lowered their joined fingers to rest between their bodies on the mattress as they lay facing each other and staring into each other's eyes. He expected her refusal, knew it wasn't the right path for the three of them, but still, a tiny part of him had held hope all this would work out, at least for a little while.

Or forever. But it was not how it worked.

"And I wish I could say yes, but I love you too much to give you a free pass for the widows' club. Believe me, it's not something anyone should want to join."

"As if earning the widow title or not will change how deeply I'll miss you." Street regretted his whispered words as soon as they were out of his mouth. The last thing he wanted was to shine the light on how much pain Zee would be unwillingly causing him in a while, to guilt-trip her more than he was already guilt-tripping herself.

Absorbing the hit, Zee stretched to turn off the lamp before turning her eyes back on him. "If you think like that, why would it be so important to introduce myself to your friends as your wife?"

Point taken. Street sighed. "Maybe I just want everyone to know you're mine and always will be."

"I was yours the second you stepped foot in that diner. Time and distance haven't changed that." Zee lowered his voice even more, glancing at Jamie before adding, "Death won't either."

Street wasn't sure if it was her hands that trembled and made him shake with them or if it was his whole body quivering on its own.

"And I'll be with you when one day you'll experience marriage the right way, shading happy tears knowing you feel complete again, once and forever."

He shook his head, expecting the words to follow.

"With the right woman."

"You're the right woman." Street almost pleaded, knowing he couldn't win this battle. Knowing Zee had all the reason.

"Jim," she said almost in a warning.

"Threaten me all you like. I won't stop loving you." He hugged her to him, just wanting to keep her close and hear her heart beating steady for him.

He'd captured her soul, and she'd captured his the first day they met, but she'd never been the one for him. They'd never been right for each other, or it would have worked differently. The lives they lived separately had been the ones they were supposed to live, and he had to hope that one day he would meet the right woman for him. Or maybe he'd already met her, and they were only delaying the inevitable?

A stray tear rolled down Zee's cheek, leaving a track Street could barely discern in the darkness. "I'm… terrified…" Zee admitted, burying her head into his chest, and every single word felt like a punch in the solar plexus to Street. "And I'm—"

"I'm here for you. All the way. I'll do whatever I can to make you feel safe. To help you achieve your goals before it's too late. We're gonna make this work as best we can. It will all work out, I promise."

Zee's fresh silent tears rolled free and soaked his T-shirt. "It's not fair to you. It—"

"It sucks."

"Language." Zee let out a broken laugh as they both glanced at the peacefully sleeping Jamie. "But it does, doesn't it?" she looked up at him, wearing a wet smile. "I'm glad you'll be able to relieve part of this weight on your friends. I want them to know the real me and see how much I truly love you. So when…" She drew a shaky breath, shuttering Street's world. "When we'll be forced to part ways, they can understand you better and be at your side."

"All I want now it's you." Not the most comforting words, but this was the brutal honesty policy they'd agreed on.

"All we have is now. Each other, right now."

A pain-filled sigh escaped Street's control. "I don't wanna share you with anyone other than Jamie, but if you're really sure you want to spend some time with my friends and charm them as only you could, I'll make do. For you."

Zee kissed his chest. "They are totally gonna hate me for what I'm doing to you."

"They could never hate you. You're too special." Street tilted her head up and peered through the darkness at her eyes. "The second they meet you, they'll fall in love with you. Luca did, and you're lucky I'm not jealous." He smiled despite himself. "And Tan's wife, Bonnie, is already a great fan of yours. Didn't I mention that?"

"Only once or twice." Zee's soft laugh died down quickly. He relished her laugh, loved being the cause she laughed, but every day that passed was harder on her spirits. She let out a long breath. "My music is such a huge part of who I am. Is it crazy I feel self-conscious about meeting a fan that's also a friend?"

Street shook his head lightly. "Everyone will be crazy for you."

"Even Chris?"

Street's heart stopped for a fraction of a second. "I mean, your music is not exactly her favorite genre, but—"

"You know what I mean," Zee scolded him, but he couldn't help trying to defuse the situation with humor. "If half of what I know about her and about you two is true, she would be glad to see me burning in hell for what I'm putting you through."

"Chris and I… We're driving along a bumpy road right now."

"More like a roller-coaster for what you told me."

"Yeah… We're… It's complicated." Street took a moment to collect his thoughts. "I have no idea about what's going on in her head, and I'm starting to doubt what's in her heart, too." He huffed. "I'm sure she still cares about me somehow, or she would not be so pissed at me all the time, but..."

"I'm so sorry I'm causing you all these troubles, I know how you feel about her. How important she is to you."

"It's not you. Things were complicated long before you came back into the picture."

That single kiss they shared had messed things up with them. Yes, they'd been a bit tipsy, but Street knew the feelings had been real and mutual, though Chris had always tried to deny it. They'd danced around each other for years after that, and whenever they seemed to find their footing again, something happened, and the temperature got back to an arctic level.

Like Chris going behind his back to talk to his mother about the liver donation and refusing to accept his choice to do it anyway. She'd left for Germany before either of them had the guts to start a real conversation, and now it almost felt it was too late.

"You should not let her grow apart from you," Zee said, tearing him from his thoughts. "You will need her, and you should not let her go just because you took pity on me."

"Pity's the last thing that comes to my mind when I think of you."

"Still, I should have never come between you and Chris."

"You didn't. She made it clear there never was and never will be an 'us.' I don't think there is anything I can do right now to mend fences with her. I just…" Street trailed off with a shake of his head.

He was being selfish, and shame and guilt washed over him. This wasn't fair to Zee. She was in his arms, giving all herself to him, and he still clung to his feelings for Chris, hoping one day she would give him a chance. At the same time, this situation wasn't fair to Chris either. She'd always had to fight in her life, with the world and with herself, but she'd always been there for Street when it counted. He couldn't demand her to wait for him while he… What? Waited out his cursed love with Zee so she could have her turn? Because he will never stop loving her.

Regrets and remorse suffocated Street. He wished Zee had never left him. But if she'd stayed and they'd been happy together when he joined SWAT, he wouldn't have developed such a close relationship with Chris. And he couldn't conceive that. On the other end, he wished Chris would have given in to whatever it was that special bond they had before departing for Germany like he'd dreamed for endless nights when he'd been laid up in bed after his surgery, he wouldn't have rekindled his relationship with Zee. And that, right now, was simply inconceivable, too.

"What's on your mind?" Zee whispered. She said she understood, that she'd lived something similar with Dillon, loving him with all herself while still holding Street dear in the depth of her heart, but that didn't mean any of this was fair. "You know you can tell me anything."

Street locked eyes with her. "The love I feel for you, it's different. Intense and deep in a different way from what I feel for Chris. The connection is as real as it is with her. Or as it was at least. And as much as rooted inside me. They just can't be compared because they lie on different planes. But right now, it's only you that I need to care about. You're my whole world."

"I shouldn't be. You know I shouldn't be."

"But I can't help it. I don't know what's between Chris and me, but if that something is as true as I've always felt, she will understand and forgive me one day. And maybe then we can resume from wherever our friendship started to crack and make our bond stronger. But I can't worry about that now. You're right, she's important to me, but you're all I want right now. Because all we have is now."

"But I know you need her, and you'll need her even more when I'm gone. And that's why it makes me even more nervous to meet her…"

"Once you two will have a chance to spend a minute together, she'll not be able to hate you—or me—as hard as she would want to." At least, that was what Street hoped. Or feared. Having those two incredibly strong and caring women in the same room, connecting…

"Not even after I shatter your heart?" Zee's trembling voice came barely audible and not just to not wake Jamie.

"We're not thinking about that now, honey."

"Come here," she readjusted her position in bed and guided him close until he rested his cheek on her chest, his ear to her heart, and started softly humming one of her songs.

Street gradually relaxed, letting Zee's caresses on his hair smooth out the tension of the day and the conversation. He breathed in her scent and the quiet of the room, lulled by the vibrations of her humming reverberating inside her chest and the steady beating of her resilient heart until sleep came to claim him.

-o- -o- -o-