*Hi everyone… sorry this took a little longer than usual. I have been struggling with some writers block that has led to a feeling of inadequacy as a writer. I wasn't really happy with this chapter when I started it but decided to do my best to muddle through even if I was only able to write a few sentences a day. Thankfully I persevered and got through it even though it took me two months to do it. Although I am still struggling with some uncertainty and doubt, I am trying my best to not let it get to me as I continue to write… at a much slower pace than usual. Anyway, I hope this finds everyone safe and healthy. Take care of yourselves and I will try my best to post sooner rather than later… but I just want everyone to know that I will always carry the story to the end... even if it takes me a while.
Chapter 17
Jane sat across from Paddy, a scowl on her face as she listened to him and Maura make small talk. She knew she owed him her life but that didn't make it any easier for her to deal with the fact that he was the reason she almost died. Her mind wandered to that day she had found him in that abandoned warehouse and to the decision she made that led her there in the first place. All memories of Paddy were painful ones but for some reason, Maura still held a soft spot for him and if Jane dug deep enough inside of herself, she did too but it didn't stop her from cursing herself because of it.
"What do you think Jane?" Maura asked.
Maura's voice drifted to Jane bringing her out of her mental fog and she blinked a few times as she tried to recall what they had been talking about before she let her mind wander away. "Um… um..." she stammered a few times but then felt Maura's hand on her arm bringing an instant calm. "What was the question again?"
"Are you going to sign Valley up for T-ball?" Paddy turned his hazel-green eyes towards Jane as he asked the question.
It still unnerved her how much those eyes resembled Maura's but only in color, although… as she sat there, doing her best not to glare at him, she couldn't help but notice something different in his gaze- something softer and more humane. The realization that maybe Paddy had changed caused her to shiver because it meant that she would have to reevaluate her whole approach. So, instead of speaking and allowing her voice to betray what she was feeling, she just nodded as she watched a new light fill his eyes. The light that could only be associated with pride.
"Good, good… Colin played all through high school. I think he could have gotten a scholarship if he hadn't dropped out his senior year." A frown appeared on Paddy's face as he thought about his son and the young life that been cut short.
"Whose fault was that?" Jane couldn't help the bitter retort and she instantly regretted it.
"Okay, you two… that's enough." Maura chastised.
Jane's expression softened at Maura's admonishment but she couldn't help but give Paddy one last pointed look causing him to the do same before they both turned to Maura with passive looks on their faces. It was their shared love for Maura that brought them both to some kind of common ground even though Jane could argue that her love was pure and unadulterated and Paddy almost always had some sort of condition or stipulation attached.
"Maura's right." Paddy glanced at Jane to let her know that he was willing to come to a compromise for Maura's sake. "You came here for a reason and it must be important, so how about we get to it."
Maura glanced between the love of her life and the man who had merely provided the sperm to give her life. She knew that Jane's instinct to protect was as strong as her own but she also knew that they needed Paddy's help with this problem that seemed to be plaguing them at the moment. Giving Jane a nod, she indicated that Jane should hand over the letter that Liam had given them so they could get down to brass tacks.
With a reluctant nod of her own, Jane pulled the envelope from the inside pocket of her jacket and placed it on the table in front of her. With a glance at Maura, she placed her hands protectively over the stark white envelope that Liam had asked them to deliver to Paddy. She felt the prick of uncertainty at the back of her neck as she leveled her gaze at Paddy, her hands still covering the letter until she felt like handing it over. What was in the envelope, she didn't know but Liam had made her promise to hand it over to the man who had single-handedly ruined her life only to save it later.
Ready to move past the staring game Jane and Paddy seemed intent on playing, Maura let out a heavy sigh and straightened up in her chair before speaking. "Do you know who Alan Wolfe is?" She asked and watched as Paddy's eyes moved from Jane's to hers, the color draining from his face.
"I have…" he tried to guard his expression but it was too late.
"That bad, huh?" Jane let out a heavy breath as she leaned back in her chair, moving her hands from the envelope and sliding it across the table towards Paddy.
"He's what we in the business call 'the fixer'…" he took the envelope but didn't open it as he dropped his gaze from Maura's. He knew Alan Wolfe and had never liked the man who seemed to be able to miraculously find a way out for anyone who needed it. For a minute he looked down at the envelope but then he looked back up at Jane and the stiff set of her body and knew exactly what had brought Alan Wolfe into their lives. "It's his daughter… isn't it?"
Jane's mouth dropped open in surprise as words failed her at that moment. She hadn't expected Paddy to know anything about Kelly, let alone guess it was the reason they were there asking for his help.
Frowning, Paddy shook his head and furrowed his brow. "I should have taken care of her when I had the chance." His voice was low and filled with malice.
"What?" Maura asked as she leaned forward and placed her elbows on the table between them.
"She has a problem accepting no for an answer and usually doesn't take too kindly to being rejected." He leaned back and crossed his arms as he recalled his encounter with her. "About five years ago I had to do a little business with Alan and he brought her to one of our meetings at the pub. At first, she seemed nice… normal… and I suppose that's why Jamie took a liking to her…" his voice trailed off before he realized that both Jane and Maura were watching him with confused expressions. "Jamie was the bartender at the 'Iron Clover' and well… he was also my friend. Nice guy with a real nice fiance and a wedding just around the corner. At first, I didn't think too much of their interaction because it seemed innocent enough but then…" he paused and glanced at Jane to gauge her reaction. "She just kept coming around. Jamie was nice at first but then the advances kept coming no matter how many times he told he wasn't interested and that he was getting married. I decided to stay out of it thinking it was just a harmless crush."
Jane clenched her jaws as she listened to Paddy. It was almost exactly what had happened to them. "It's almost as if the rejection spurred her on…" she sighed as she shook her head.
"Yes, I think it's the chase that she's after. Once she gets what she wants…" he clenched his fists and then released them, flexing his fingers as he did. He didn't need to know the answer to the question that lingered between them because he could tell by the expression on Jane's face that Maura was Kelly's newest victim. A surge of protectiveness washed over him as he looked Jane in the eyes and silently conveyed that no harm would come to the woman they both loved. "Tell me…" he asked, tilting his head as he looked from Jane to Maura. "Am I right to guess the same thing is happening to you?" It was a question for Maura even though he already knew the answer.
Nodding solemnly, Maura closed her eyes and brought a shaky hand up to her forehead as a heavy sigh slipped past her lips. "She tried to keep me from being at the birth of our son…" her voice trembled as she spoke and it caused Paddy to reach across the table to take her other hand in a show of comfort.
Jane watched the interaction and wasn't sure how to feel. On the one hand, she wanted to push Paddy's hand and the comfort he was trying to offer Maura away but on the other hand, she suddenly realized the love he had for Maura was as genuine as her own and even though it pissed her off that she had to accept it, she fought back the urge to intervene.
"I'll take care of it." He said through clenched teeth as he gave Maura's hand a gentle squeeze. It was awkward at first, offering Maura comfort but that quickly changed when Maura smiled. That smile almost took his breath away because it was so like Maura's mother's and his heart broke for that young couple so in love but with the whole world against them. His heart filled with hope that he had made the right decision by giving Maura the life he never could and based on the woman she had become, he knew he had been right.
"We both know it won't be that easy. Alan Wolfe has been getting his daughter out of trouble for years. Covering up and making evidence and sometimes people disappear. He's also paid off judges in some cases. We can't just make her disappear… if we do, we'll just bring a whole new world of problems down on us. He won't take too kindly to anything we do to hurt her." Jane tried to reason.
Giving Jane a sideways glance, he knew she was right but he didn't have to like it. "I suppose you might have a point but I won't sit idle while she sets out to destroy the life of someone else I love."
"What happened to Jamie?" Maura asked even though she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
Paddy was quiet for a moment as he seemed to grapple with whether to tell them or not. "I should have done something." He shook his head. "If I had, Bonnie would still be alive and Jamie…" his voice faltered as he took a deep breath. "Well, Jamie wouldn't have become a broken man. Last I heard, he was living alone and drinking himself into an early grave. I tried to help but, well… it was just too late. He's given up on everything and Kelly is to blame."
"What happened to Bonnie?" Jane asked.
"Drug overdose…" Paddy's expression hardened. "But I don't believe it. She wasn't into that and I've always suspected that someone paid off the coroner… after all… money talks."
"I would never let anyone coerce me into changing the cause of death." Maura suddenly seemed defensive. "I can't believe that could happen."
"Not everyone is like you, Maur." Jane reached over and put her hand on Maura's. "There are plenty of people in this world that'll do anything you want for the right price and I have a feeling that Alan Wolfe is a very persuasive man."
"Jane, you teach at the police academy now, right?" Paddy suddenly changed the subject.
"Yeah…" Jane turned her attention from Maura to Paddy with a tilt of her head.
"I think Maura should take some self-defense classes. You know, like how to disarm someone, how to break free from zip ties… stuff like that."
"What aren't you telling us?" The hair on Jane's neck stood up in suspicion at what she thought Paddy might be hiding.
"She's kidnapped before… or maybe it was just… coercion." He said that last word slowly and carefully to emphasize his sarcasm. "Always uses the threat of harming family or friends to convince the person to come with her somewhere." A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he clenched his fists again. "She toys with them, like a cat with a mouse until she gets them to relent… once they do… she discards them, leaving them with just the shreds of the life they once knew. It's a game to her… one she always wins because her father has covered up her crimes for years. It needs to end, now…" his voice was stern as was his expression as he looked at Jane, silently begging her to agree.
"Okay, I'll make sure Maura knows how to defend herself. She's already halfway there… she trained when she became coroner. I guess a refresher wouldn't hurt." Jane glanced at Maura for her approval and got a quick nod in response. "And I agree… it needs to stop. But we have to be careful. If Wolfe is willing to do whatever it takes to protect his daughter, well…" she shook her head. "We don't need to trade one shit storm for another."
"What have you been doing to discourage her?" Paddy turned to Maura.
"I've… we've been making her think that we're fighting over her. It seems to be working." Maura frowned at the thought of having to keep pretending to fight with Jane.
"Okay… it's the chase she's after. Maybe she'll get bored if she thinks you aren't going to fight her over it."
"I don't know why, but I have a feeling this is different." Jane wasn't sure where the feeling was coming from but she was sure that Kelly wouldn't give up on Maura, after all, she never would.
Rubbing his forehead, Paddy seemed to be thinking about what Jane said. "Perhaps… but it's worth a try."
"I don't like this." Maura shook her head as her temper flared. "I don't want to do this anymore."
Paddy looked down at the letter sitting in front of him as if he had just noticed it. He looked at Maura and then Jane as he picked it up and slid his finger along the seam to open it. Pulling a piece of paper out, he unfolded it and silently read the words scrawled out across the stark white background. Nodding he seemed to understand everything in an instant. "It seems as if Liam and your friend Frost have found me a back door…" he mused as a small smile slid across his face.
"Are you going to tell us what the letter says?" Jane's curiosity was eating away at her. When Paddy shook his head, she could feel the slow simmer of anger bubble up in her chest. She knew she should have read the letter before giving it to Paddy. There was nothing worse than being in the dark about something that involved her and especially Maura's safety. It pissed her off and she wasn't about to hide it now. "You expect us to just sit back and do nothing?"
"I expect you to let me do…" he paused and gave her a pointed look. "What I do best, it's why you came here, isn't it." It wasn't a question but a statement.
Sitting up straighter, Jane nodded her full understanding. This was going to get messy and he was doing his best to keep them all safe. With her lips pressed into a firm line, she prepared herself for the questions that Maura would throw at them and it didn't take long.
"What have I missed? What's going on?" Maura frowned as she glanced between Jane and Paddy. The feeling that she was being left out of something important did not get past her and she wasn't about to let them get away with it.
"Maura, do you trust me?" Paddy asked, his gaze meeting hers with the same intensity she was feeling.
"I don't know." Maura rubbed at her forehead again. "You've never given me a reason to."
Glancing at Jane, Paddy tilted his head in her direction to indicate his meaning. "She's here, isn't she?"
His question took Maura by surprise. Nodding, she silently agreed. Jane was indeed there and it was mostly because Paddy had gotten her to the hospital before she bled to death. Of course, none of it would have happened if Paddy hadn't come back into their lives but that was a minor detail she was willing to forget at the moment. She knew that Paddy would do anything to protect his family and whether she liked it or not, they were and always would be family. "Okay, yes… I trust you."
"Then trust me when I tell you that this will all be over soon."
"But how? You won't kill anyone will you?" The panic was evident in the tone of Maura's voice as she looked at Jane for reassurance.
"I can't promise anything other than I will protect you and your family at any cost…" his voice was firm and resolute.
"At any cost..." Jane repeated his final words, knowing that he meant every single one of them.
"At any cost." Paddy reached out to touch Maura's cheek. "Now how about you show me a picture of my grandson before I have to get back to my poker game."
Blinking a few times in confusion at how quickly the subject had been changed and how the final resolution to their problem seemed to be in sight, Maura blindly grabbed her phone and started to scroll through her pictures. When she found what she was looking for, she slid the phone across the table towards him.
Paddy looked down at the picture of Liam and smiled broadly. "He has your eyes… and well…" he paused as he looked at Jane. "He's a good-looking boy, you must be proud."
"We are and Valley is being the best big sister. She just adores him." Jane grinned.
"You have a beautiful family." Paddy pushed the phone back over to Maura. He watched as she fumbled around with it. Glancing at Jane he made sure she understood his silent promise that no harm would ever befall any of them. He gave her one nod when her eyes darkened with understanding. "At any cost…" he murmured as he stood up and Jane knew he was speaking to her.
"What?" Maura asked as she watched Paddy stand to leave.
"Just promise you'll take a refresher on self-defense, please." He said as Maura and Jane stood as well.
"I will." Maura agreed as she moved around the table and pulled him into a hug, surprising everyone with the unexpected move.
The hug was awkward, but Paddy was grateful for it. It would be the one thing he held onto as he set about planning to rid their lives of the Wolfe family and the chaos that would follow. He would do anything to ensure the safety of Maura, Jane, and his grandchildren because he owed it to them all to make sure they had a future ahead of them that held the promise of tomorrow. If there was one thing he knew though, there was never a promise of tomorrow and it was something that haunted him every day.
YYY
Standing shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of kids was not what Maura had in mind when Jane asked her if she wanted to spend the day together. She knew something was up when Jane told her to wear sweat pants and a t-shirt but when they pulled up at the police academy, she realized too late why they were there. Although she was irritated, she understood the need and the reason Jane hadn't been exactly forthcoming about what they were about to do. After a little argument, one that her heart wasn't in at the moment because Jane was right, they had found themselves in the gym watching cadets spar with each other. All eyes turned to them as they entered and she couldn't help but be proud at the way that everyone watched Jane with reverence and respect. There was an extra sway to Jane's swagger as they made their way across the gym towards the instructor who held out a hand to Jane and smiled warmly at them both. And within a matter of minutes, Maura found herself lined up next to the cadets who were merely kids in her opinion as she watched Jane take over.
"I hope you all don't mind, but I've brought my wife here today for a little refresher on self-defense. Although she was at one time the coroner of the Common Wealth of Boston and member of the BPD, she is now a practicing pediatrician at the clinic she helped to found and build, so… she's a bit rusty and I was hoping that with your help, we can get her back into fighting shape." Jane held her hands out to everyone in a silent plea.
All Maura could do was duck her head at Jane's declaration. It was true that she'd had to go through her own training but that had been a few years back and it was true she was a bit rusty when it came to self-defense but she wasn't sure why everyone needed to know. A frown appeared on Maura's face as she looked around at the bright-eyed cadets who wanted nothing more than to please their superior officers, Jane being the one they wanted to please most.
"Don't worry, Doc… we'll go easy on ya." A tall dark-haired woman said as she grinned at Maura mischievously.
"No one is to go easy on her." Jane stepped up to stand in front of the cadet who had spoken to Maura, a scowl on her face as she tried to stare down the cadet who was now shrinking by the second. Suddenly, she stood up straight and took a deep breath. "Please, she is here to learn how to defend herself. I want to make sure she walks away with the knowledge and skill to do so." Her heart slowed down as the anxiety of why they were there in the first place started to subside. She knew she had to check her anger because it wasn't the cadet's fault.
"Yes ma'am…" the cadet nodded her understanding drawing a murmur of agreement around the room.
"First I'm going to show you how to disarm someone with a firearm… something I highly suggest you only try if there is no other way." Jane stepped back away from the line, glancing at and offering a quick wink at Maura.
The wink hit its mark and Maura let out a heavy sigh. It was one of her biggest weaknesses when it came to Jane. That wink could disarm anyone, including her and it almost always brought about that flutter of desire… the one that started in the pit of her stomach before spreading throughout her body. She could feel the heat rise to her cheeks as she shook her head but then she noticed a few cadets openly gazing at Jane with admiration. Both men and women watched her wife as if she were a superhero and they were just waiting for their turn to bask in her glory, but Maura knew better. It would her that would be basking in Jane's glory… the glory of that tight, muscular body before the day was over.
"Maur, are you listening?" Jane asked, startling Maura from her thoughts. Her brow was raised in question as she watched Maura's already pink cheeks deepen to a red as her eyes widened in surprise at having been caught with a wandering mind.
"Um, yes… ma'am." Maura couldn't help herself as the last word slipped from her mouth with a slight smirk.
But Jane was having none of it as she eyed Maura suspiciously, thinking that Maura had been caught daydreaming. "Fine, then come up here and demonstrate the technique I just went over."
"What?" Maura squeaked, and yes it was a squeak just like a mouse as her voice rose and cracked at the same time.
"Come here and show us how to execute the technique I just illustrated… unless you might not have been paying attention, that is." Jane quirked a smile at the corners of her mouth as she watched Maura squirm. For some reason, she was having fun teasing Maura but at the back of her mind, she knew they needed to be serious.
"No, no… I've got it." Maura glared at Jane doing her best to dare Jane to argue with her. As she moved to stand beside Jane, a hush fell over the room as all eyes fell on her and she thought maybe she should just admit she wasn't paying attention but then she caught Jane's slightly smug smirk, egging her on.
Standing with her feet shoulder-width apart, Jane faced Maura in a showdown of nerves. She could see that the hazel green of Maura's eyes had grown cloudy with uncertainty and decided to start with something easy, something she knew Maura would know. The fear and frustration she could see in the way Maura looked at her made her realize that Maura was afraid of being embarrassed and it hadn't been her intention to cause that kind of anxiety. But, she still wanted to make sure that Maura was taking it seriously because it could end up in a life or death situation and she was hell-bent on making sure Maura knew what she was doing. Of course, Maura had done nothing to indicate she wasn't taking things seriously but for her peace of mind, she needed the reassurance.
"Where do you want me?" Maura asked, her words laced with impatience.
"Just turn around and let's see how you do." Jane waved her hand around to illustrated that Maura should turn around. She waited for Maura to assume the position before she turned to the room full of cadets that watched them with wide eyes, waiting to see what was going to happen next. Suddenly and without warning, she spun around and wrapped her arms around Maura from behind. She didn't want to give any warning to her attack and based on the stiffening of Maura's body against her own, it was a surprise.
When Maura felt Jane's arms snake around her and squeeze like a boa constrictor, it surprised her but only for the briefest of seconds. Her body stiffened and then she took a deep breath before exhaling slowly and relaxing into the hold. When she allowed her body to go limp, she felt Jane loosen her grip to adjust her hold giving Maura the opening she needed to do what came next. When she was sure she was ready, she lifted her foot and then stomped down on Jane's instep.
The sudden and unexpected move caused Jane to howl in pain and to drop her guard, giving Maura the leverage she needed to punch out of the grip that had been meant to constrict her. When strong arms let go, Maura spun around and kicked Jane in the groin hard enough to get her attention but not hard enough to hurt. The move still caused Jane to double at the waist and rest her hands on her thighs as she gasped for breath with a grimace on her face.
"Good, good…" Jane let out a cough as she tried to stand up tall and straight, holding her hands out in surrender.
The cadets around them remained silent except for a few intakes of breath at witnessing their commanding officer and instructor being taken down in one quick, solid move. But no one expected what came next as Jane quickly jumped up behind Maura and grabbed her in a chokehold.
"Now, let's see you get out of this…" Jane whispered against Maura's ear, knowing full well that the warmth of her breath would be a distraction but to her surprise, Maura was ready.
Sucking a deep breath, Maura positioned herself so she could drive an elbow into Jane's ribs causing her breath to whoosh out in one long gasp. Then Maura grabbed Jane's arm and tossed her over her shoulder, depositing her on her back as if she were a rag doll drawing a cascade of gasps from the cadets in the room. Looking down, she offered Jane a cheeky grin and got a frown in response. Reaching out her hand, she offered to help Jane to her feet.
Jane was surprised to find herself going from standing to laying on her back in a millisecond and she couldn't stop herself from frowning up at Maura who was looking down at her. She took Maura's hand when she offered it to her and allowed herself to be pulled up so she was standing again. It had bruised her ego to be taken down in front of her students but then she reminded herself that it wasn't about her, but about making sure that Maura could defend herself if she needed to.
"So, do I pass?" Maura asked with a smile.
"Well, you've proved that you were paying attention but…" Jane tilted her head as she eyed Maura with uncertainty. "You're not off the hook just yet, though. We're gonna do some drills and pair up for sparring and I want you to join us. And before you ask, I won't be your sparring partner this time. I'd like to pair you up with a few different body types… short, tall… etc…"
"Yeah, yeah…" Maura tried to wave off Jane's orders as she stepped back in line. A tall, blonde guy who couldn't be any more than twenty years old stood on her right and a woman about her height but with ten pounds more muscle stood on her left. She couldn't help but think that they all looked so young and it made her feel old.
"Miller…" Jane called out causing the blonde guy next to Maura to stand taller if that was even possible. "I'd like you to spare with Maura first." She glanced over at Maura and offered her a quick wink when Maura's mouth dropped open in surprise.
"Don't let my size fool ya…" Miller offered Maura a wink of his own. "Remember, the bigger they are, the harder they fall." He dropped his shoulder slightly so his six-foot-four-inch frame didn't look so imposing.
Maura eyed him warily as she did her best not to look intimidated. Together, with all of the other cadets, she and Miller stood waiting for Jane's next instructions. She tilted her head slightly as she glanced at him again only to find that he was smiling at her and it set her at ease slightly.
Clapping her hands together, Jane startled everyone around her, causing them to jump in surprise. "I want everyone on the right to be the aggressor…" she said as she took a quick look over her shoulder at Maura who was trying her best not to glare at her. Doing her best to suppress a smirk, she moved to stand next to the other instructor to demonstrate the exercise. "I want the perpetrator to approach their victim from behind and pretend to hold a knife." She moved behind the other instructor and illustrated what she was talking about as she wrapped an arm around her victim's neck.
Maura stepped forward on the mat and waited for Miller to approach her from behind. She already knew what she was going to do but she knew she would need to wait and see what Jane did first. It only took a split second for Jane to end up on her back again and Maura wasn't sure what had happened to cause it. Shaking her head, she took a deep breath and did her best to wait patiently for Jane to stand up again to explain. Of course, her heart skipped a beat when Jane was taken down because her instinct was to run to her to make sure she was alright, but that was something she would have to deal with later.
"Okay, so you saw how easy it was for Sanders to disarm me… but I'm sure it went too fast for most of you to notice. So, I will show you, step by step but first I want to emphasize that this is only to be used as a last resort because the number one rule is to try and put some distance between you and the aggressor…" Jane put her hands on her hips and looked around the room trying to make eye contact with as many people as she could until her eyes landed on Maura's. It was important for her to make sure that Maura understood this very vital piece of information. Slowly, she went through the steps of disarming and disabling, doing it two more times after the first. When she felt confident that everyone had seen her moves, she turned to the cadets and waved her hand to indicate they should start sparring.
It didn't take long for Maura to realize she was completely out of her element when Cadet Miller wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She felt like she was being held in a vice that was crushing her with each breath she let out until she thought she might pass out. Heat rose along her neck and over her cheeks as she struggled against Miller's strength and dots began to dance before her eyes. But then suddenly the grip released and she gasped for breath in an attempt to center herself.
"Hey… you okay?" Miller asked as he gently spun Maura around so they were facing each other.
"Um…" Maura struggled to find her words as she blinked a few times pushing the black dots away. "Yeah, I think so…" she sighed as her feet beneath her grew more stable.
"Look, you can't let my size intimidate you." He reached out to touch her on the arm. "You have to find a way to use it against me."
Grabbing Miller's hand, Maura twisted his wrist and then bent it back causing him to drop to his knees with a yelp. "Is that better?" She asked, batting her eyes innocently.
"Better, but you still have a lot to learn..." Jane whispered against Maura's ear causing her to jump in surprise. "See, I just snuck up on…"
Swallowing hard, Maura nodded her understanding and hung her head feeling slightly chastised. She hadn't intended to make light of the exercise but Miller had left himself open and she decided to take advantage to make herself feel better.
"Anderson, switch with Miller..." Jane ordered in a commanding tone as she strode away to check on other cadets.
Maura frowned as she watched Jane walk away without looking back. It was something to see Jane commandeer the room the way she had from the moment they had arrived but it was something else to have it directed at her as if she were one of the cadets. But it stood to reason that Jane was pushing her. She didn't expect anything less, especially when the situation they were in was so unpredictable.
"Hey, I'm Anderson." A short, stocky woman with short blonde hair stepped up on the mat next to Maura. She gave Miller a nod as he passed by on his way to take her place on the mat next to them.
"Remember…" he quipped over his shoulder at Maura. "Don't let size fool ya…"
Glancing back and forth between Anderson and Miller, Maura suddenly recalled an image of something she remembered from her childhood. On one of her trips to Santa Barbra with her mother, she had seen a restaurant called 'Split Pea Anderson's'. There had been a large billboard of a cartoon featuring a large man with a mallet poised over his head and a much smaller man holding a spike against a green pea. She couldn't help but suddenly feel like she was that small green pea waiting to be split in half. That thought caused her to shiver a little as she blinked her eyes a few times to erase the image.
And so it went for the next several hours as Maura bounced between Anderson and Miller like that split pea she had envisioned earlier. Instead of a shiver though, the image made her laugh as each of the cadets did their best to make her feel comfortable but also teach her what she would need to know in case Kelly ever became handsy. Jane would check up on her occasionally but kept her distance so Maura wasn't distracted and it seemed to be what Maura needed in the end. With a new sense of accomplishment, she offered both her partners a hug as a thank-you when they were finished and got nothing but encouragement in return. All in all, it had been a good and productive day.
It wasn't until they were in the car, heading back home that Maura noticed how tense Jane was and reached across the center console to place a comforting hand on Jane's leg. "Hey, I think it went well. I learned a lot today." She offered a smile when Jane took her eyes off the road for a brief second to glance at her.
Jane nodded as she kept her mouth in a tight line, unable to find the words to express how she was feeling. It wasn't enough that they had to deal with Kelly and her intrusive behavior but Jane also had to worry about Maura's safety because she couldn't stop the world from spinning to keep her safe from the danger that seemed to lurk around every corner these days.
"Is something wrong?" Maura asked as she gave Jane's leg a reassuring squeeze.
Taking a deep breath before exhaling slowly, Jane shook her head feeling defeated by all the emotions that were swirling throughout her mind and body. Tension, fear, and uncertainty had ruled her day as she watched Maura sparring over and over again causing a small kernel of hope to grow in the back of her mind that Paddy could make this whole nightmare go away without incident but deep down, she knew that was a pipe dream.
Maura was quiet as she waited for Jane to muddle through her thoughts. She knew this was hard for both of them but especially Jane who always prided herself as being the protector of their family. Now, she would have to trust that Maura would be able to defend herself if need be and it was a difficult pill to swallow.
"You did do good today…" Jane cleared her throat around the knot that had formed there as she fought to keep her emotions at bay. She glanced over to see that Maura was watching her with a raised eyebrow and it caused her to chuckle. "I know you're fighting against the instinct to tell me I should have said well instead of good."
"Um… no…" Maura tried to dismiss Jane's accusation even if it was true.
"Yeah you are, but that's okay." Jane flexed her fingers on the steering wheel as they came to a stop at a red light. "Look, I'm proud of what you've done today… don't get me wrong. I guess I'm just worried is all. It's easy to go through the moves when you're in a controlled environment but when it's the real deal you're faced with… well…" she cleared her throat again, pressing lightly on the gas pedal when the light turned green as she tried to find the right words. She knew all too well how things could escalate in real-life situations and how sometimes all the self-defense classes in the world couldn't help you when you were pressed into action.
"I get it, really I do." Maura cut Jane off before she could finish her statement. "Things are different in real life. I want you to know that I take it very seriously."
"It's more than that, Maur…" Jane could feel her voice crack as it raised an octave. "When you're staring down the barrel of a gun or feeling the cold blade of a knife pressed against your throat… well… even the most seasoned person trained in self-defense can hesitate and that's all it takes…" This time the sob she was trying to bury deep within her chest, escaped. "I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. I don't think I could go on without you by my side…" she angrily wiped at the tears that began to slide down her cheeks.
"Jane… sweetheart… you know how much I love but tomorrow is a promise we can't make to each other. But I can promise you that I will never do anything to intentionally put myself in danger. And I will always listen to you, even when it comes from your intestines…"
"You mean my gut?" Jane couldn't help but quip a crooked smile as she continued to wipe at the tears streaming down her face.
"Yes…" Maura reached out to touch Jane on the cheek. "I promise to always listen to your gut instincts."
"Okay, well… that makes me feel a little better."
"And who knows, maybe Paddy will come through for us. Lord knows it's about time he did." Maura said on a heavy sigh.
"I'm not gonna bet on it but I'll try to be optimistic. If you ever find yourself in danger and all else fails though, you can always fake fainting and then throw a handful of dirt in the perpetrator's eyes. It's worked for me a few times."
"Seriously?" Maura was surprised by Jane's declaration.
"I'm not above using my perceived weakness as a woman to get the upper hand and you shouldn't be either. It's good to be underestimated sometimes, it can give you the upper hand." Jane offered Maura a quick wink that relieved the tension that had built up between them.
Maura knew all too well how quickly life could turn on a dime, she had learned the hard way and wasn't about to ever again take anything for granted again. But after everything they had been through… the good, the bad, and the ugly… they always came out stronger and more in love than before and she knew in her heart that that wasn't about to change.
As they pulled in the driveway, Jane cut the engine and then turned to face Maura. Her face was still tear-stained but a small smile curled along her lips as she leaned over to place a soft kiss on the corner of Maura's mouth. "You know, watching you today… well… you were pretty hot out there." A light blush crept along Jane's cheeks.
"Yeah? How about I show you a few of the new moves I learned?" Maura grabbed Jane by the front of the t-shirt and pulled her closer so she could kiss her properly. When their lips met, both sighed in contentment and satisfaction as the kiss deepened and Jane's hands moved to cup Maura's face. The touch sparked a flicker of heat deep inside of Maura as they continued to explore each other's mouth with more ferocity. Suddenly she pulled away and bit her lip as she looked at Jane through her eyelashes, not quite able to bring her eyes up to meet Jane's intense gaze.
Jane leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Maura's and let out a shaky breath. The torrent of emotions that had raged through her earlier left her feeling exhausted but she wanted nothing more than to take Maura upstairs to their room and ravage her. Of course, it would have to be quick because according to the clock on the dashboard of the car, they only had about two hours of alone time. But before she could say anything, she noticed the pensive expression on Maura's face and she raised a dark eyebrow in question in silent question.
"I think that when this is all behind us, we should think about expanding our family." Maura smiled at the look of surprise on Jane's face. "Liam will be a year old in few months and I don't want to wait too long. The clinic will have been open for two years and well… I just think it's time."
"Are you sure you're ready?" Jane couldn't help but wonder if Maura knew what she was getting herself into. She surely hadn't known when she agreed to get pregnant but then again she wouldn't change a thing about her decision.
"I am, but I'm gonna miss pregnant Jane." Maura poked her bottom lip out in a pout causing Jane to lean forward and kiss that bottom lip. "You were so incredibly sexy…"
"Yeah? Well, I'm looking forward to pregnant Maura who will be twice as sexy as she already is." Jane reached up to run her finger along Maura's cheek, down her chin and neck until it came to rest at the opening of the v-neck t-shirt that revealed Maura's ample cleavage. "And these… oh my God… I can't imagine how much bigger they're gonna get…" her eyes widened at the thought.
"Then I suggest we head upstairs and get a head start – theoretically speaking." Maura wiggled her eyebrows. "The clock is ticking and from my estimations, we have a little less than two hours before our little bubble of romance is burst by reality."
Jane grinned as she grabbed the door handle and threw the car door open. "Last one upstairs is a rotten egg…" she jumped out and ran towards the front door without looking back to see if Maura was following.
Shaking her head, Maura opened her door and followed behind Jane. "A rotten egg isn't very romantic…" she said under her breath as she glanced over her shoulder to make sure the car was locked, not noticing the car parked a few houses down… a car that was very out of place in their quiet little neighborhood. No, the only thing on her mind at the moment was to get inside, lock the door, and take advantage of their time alone. If only she hadn't been so preoccupied with thoughts of Jane's body beneath her own... maybe... just maybe she would have sensed the presence of someone watching her with a mixture of anger and desire. But life isn't built on 'if onlys' and it would be a hard lesson to learn, one that would test their resolve and love for each other above all else.