Authors Notes: ...Well, that was certainly a controversial chapter. I didn't expect it to be so ill-received. Ah well, into every life, a little rain must fall... or, as an Australian, a little sun must shine. Those of you who did like it, I'm grateful for your kind words!

Chapter 24: All's Fair in Love, War, and Davy Back Fights! Part 2!

The excited crowd gathered around the makeshift arena, cheering and whopping and whistling in excitement as they waited for the first match of the next Davy Back Fight to begin.

From his seat in a quickly assembled judging panel on the opposite side of the arena to the crowd, Itomimizu grinned his trademark enormous toothy grin before picking up the transceiver for his snail.

"Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! You're in for a treat today; in a stunning upset, the previously unrevealed co-captain of the Kamikaze Pirates, a redheaded young lady who ALSO goes by the name of Ranma Saotome - talk about unimaginative parents! - has emerged from hiding to challenge Captain Foxy to another Davy Back Fight! With a second round of three games, it's anyone's guess what will happen - will the Silver Fox outfox the Kamikazes yet again to claim three more of their crew? Or will the challengers pull a miracle out of their hats and recover their missing comrades? Your guess is as good as mine!"

"As the challenger has the right to dictate what games are played, this Davy Back Fight is a series of three mystery matches! Our first game of the Fight will be 'Pick-a-Pretty Pirate', which in case you're wondering, is basically a pirate beauty contest!"

"Yes, you heard me right! No, it's not a traditional Davy Back game, considering how sadly unrepresented the fairer sex traditionally is amongst the ranks of we pirates, but I don't think any of our crew are complaining. Fortunately, the Foxy Pirates are exceptionally lucky to have more than our fair share of lovely ladies willing to strut their stuff and prove themselves the queen of the seas!"

Another enormous uproar erupted from the crowd as the Foxy Pirates made their pride evident to any who might be even remotely in earshot.

"Since we ARE pirates, we'll be doing things a little differently; plus, this is our first time holding a Davy Back match like this, so we've got to iron out some of the kinks! We'll be holding elimination matches, like in a fighting tournament! Our lovely ladies will pair off to strut their stuff, with the winner being determined by a panel of three judges - the winners of each round will be paired off for the next, and the next, until we have just one pair left to duke it out for the title of queen! Now, keep in mind, despite all this, it's still just a beauty contest, so directly attacking the enemy is prohibited!"

"In the name of fairness, our panel is made up of three judges; one to represent the Foxy Pirates, one to represent the Kamikaze Pirates, and a neutral party in the form of a volunteer from the audience! Representing the Foxy Pirates is, of course, myself; Itomimizu!"

The bigmouthed commentator then gestured to his right as he continued speaking.

"Representing the Kamikaze Pirates is Ex-Captain Ranma Saotome! The guy one, that is - we offered his sister the role, but she insisted that we give it to her brother! How're ya feeling about being chosen as our judge, you lucky bastard?"

He passed the receiver towards Ranma, who craned forward to be better heard.

"Honored and slightly terrified, Itomimizu!" He proclaimed, grinning with only a slight amount of strain.

"Well, of course you - huh? Why terrified?" the baffled Itomimizu asked, turning to face his fellow judge and (temporary) crewmate.

"I'm engaged to marry three of the girls on the Kamikaze Pirates crew - do you know what they'll do to me if they think I'm favoring one of them above the other?" Ranma asked, only half-joking as he did so.

"You're engaged to marry three girls?!" Itomimizu yelped into the Transponder Snail turned broadcaster, echoing a question repeated by the assembled onlookers.

"Technically four, but Ucchan's not competing here," Ranma elaborated with a shrug.

"...I don't know if you're the luckiest bastard I've ever met, or the unluckiest! ...Anyway, to my left here is our neutral judge, give a big warm hand of welcome to Miss Penelope laFloo!"

A chorus of cheers promptly erupted, causing the civilian judge to politely wave in response. She was an odd one; she wore a long-sleeved, collared shirt, plainly styled long pants, thigh-high sturdy leather boots, elbow-length sturdy leather gloves, a leather jacket and a pith helmet with a face-obscuring fly veil, which had been tucked into her collared neck. The end result was that not a single inch of naked flesh was visible, although she had the kind of figure that made her womanly status quite unmistakable even through such heavy coverings. Her pants, shirt and jacket all bristled with pockets, she carried a satchel on her back, and holsters at her hip supported a pistol and a machete. She also smelled very strongly of a sweet floral perfume, which wouldn't have been so bad if she hadn't decided to apparently bathe in the stuff.

"S'ank you, Itomimizu - it iz a pleasure to be 'ere!" she politely announced, and the distinctly (and heavily applied) French accent elicited an unconscious twitch from Ranma as he remembered his encounters with the Chardin family.

"And now that we've introduced our judges, it's almost time for the contest to begin - we're just waiting on the ladies!" Itomimizu declared, to a final chorus of cheers.

Meanwhile...

Ryoga brushed a lock of blonde hair out of his - currently her - eye and sighed forlornly. "Why am I involved in this stupid contest?"

"Because we need as many bodies on the deck as we can to maximize our chances of winning, that's why," Nabiki replied, busily touching up her lipstick.

"But I'm not a girl!" Ryoga protested.

"The body you currently inhabit says otherwise," Kodachi conversationally countered, not even looking at Ryoga as she painted her nails.

"Some men go for rough and tumble tomboy type. As Ryoga should know," Shampoo added, firmly stroking her long hair with a brush to bring it to an extra shine.

"Besides, if Miriam and Harumi are willing to pitch in despite their various issues, why should you be exempt?" Nabiki commented, looking over her reflection with a discontented frown. Kodachi nudged her and then offered her a flower holder from her own small table, which prompted Nabiki to smile and nod to her in sisterhood before accepting it.

"I still don't think this is a good idea," the wotan grumbled.

"It's like Nabiki said; everyone needs to do their part," Harumi told her.

"Easy for you to say; you're rocking that ensemble - if I didn't know better, I'd think you were a cute girl," Miriam replied.

"You flatter me, lady Miriam, but we men of Femille Island have a long tradition of... deception," Harumi replied lightly.

"Yeah, you'll probably get dozens of votes. Nobody in their right mind's going to vote for a brute like me," Miriam proclaimed, smoothing down her dress and then sighing forlornly.

"Well, I think you look beautiful," Harumi assured her, gently placing a comforting hand on her thigh.

"Yes, but you are an incorrigible little flirt," Miriam replied, the toothy smirk and fond look in her eyes belying the flat tone with which she spoke.

The rest of their crewmates did their best to pretend they hadn't noticed the obvious flirtation.

"Am I the only one who's worried about how we're going to do against whatever girls the Foxy Pirates picked? You know they're going to choose their most beautiful and popular girls," Ryoga pointed out.

"Oh, I rather think we don't need to worry about who they pick..." Kodachi proclaimed lightly.

As if on cue, they heard a muffled explosion, followed by feminine cries of shock, loud coughing, and then a series of thumps through the adjoining wall. As deathly silence fell once more, the assembled Kamikaze Pirates turned as one to a smugly grinning Kodachi.

"You didn't..." Nabiki breathed, trying to sound shocked, but her efforts were wasted thanks to the huge grin on her face.

"I did nothing that they wouldn't have done unto us first," Kodachi calmly defended herself, though she proudly puffed her chest out as she did.

"But, thanks to my little bouquet of Hypnos Blooms, we should have an easy time scoring all the points we need to win this match..." She continued, blowing lightly on her nails to dry them.

"You do realize that with them out of the picture, we'll still have to compete against each other?" Ryoga pointed out.

"Oh, I'm well aware. I'm looking forward to it," Kodachi giggled, a sound as bright and sharp as a broken mirror.

"Yes... Shampoo want try this for long time. Only pity is Ukyo not here to compete too," purred the Chinese Amazon, extending her claws, watching them glitter, and then retracting them again.

Nabiki looked herself over in the mirror, nodded in satisfaction, and then stood up sharply. "Okay, ladies, let's get out there and show them what we're made of!"

Back outside...

"And now, gentlemen, ladies, and any kids lucky enough to be allowed near here, it's time to begin our second Davy Back Fight with the first match; Pick-a-Pretty-Pirate! Is everybody ready?" Itomimizu asked, making a show of leaning forward and cupping his ear with one hand.

An enormous cheer washed over the three judges, but Ranma barely registered it, swallowing nervously as he took in his crew - and three girls in particular, who were looking right at him with a look not dissimilar to the one Miriam wore when she was looking at a freshly grilled Sea King steak. It took a few not-so-gentle nudges from Itomimizu before he realized that the Foxy Pirates' commentator wanted him to speak.

"Then let's begin! Oh, but it seems like something's happened to the Foxy Pirates - they're only submitting two contestants!"

Porche and some woman that Ranma didn't recognize, an attractive redhead with purple eyes wearing what looked like a cross between a bodice and a crop-top paired with jeans that had been cut so short they were practically glorified panties, both glared daggers at their Kamikaze counterparts. Neither complained, though they visibly wanted to; it seemed like the rule against substitutions was so ironclad that even the Foxy Pirates weren't willing to break it.

"I guess Foxy must be so confident in these two that he doesn't feel ze need for a full set, no?" suggested Penelope, a comment that could have been sarcastic, but her tone and body language both screamed genuine innocence.

"Well, I suppose it does simplify things - going from a 12 count to an 8 count means we can get this wrapped up in only three rounds!" Itomimizu conceded, before adding, "Anyway, it's time to begin - first, we three judges will draw the lots for the first round!"

He placed a basket full of neatly folded paper slips on the table, and then rifled through them before Ranma could stop him, yanking out four slips that obviously corresponded to the now-missing members of the Foxy team. He scrunched these up into a ball and tossed it neatly at a nearby rubbish bin, then shook the basket and offered it to Ranma.

"Challengers first, of course," he declared, grinning toothily.

Ranma gave it a suspicious stare, then shrugged and grabbed two pieces, when he flipped open. "First match will be Shampoo versus Kodachi!"

"Porche and Nabiki," chimed Penelope, who had drawn her two whilst Ranma was checking his results.

"Ryoga against Miriam!" announced Itomimizu.

"And finally, Harumi will test his -HER- looks against Gina!" Ranma proclaimed, hoping nobody had noticed his brief slip of the tongue.

"Well, that's the matches set! Will the first two competitors please take to the stage?" Itomimizu asked, causing the crowd to cheer in anticipation.

Kodachi wasted no time, and boldly stepped from the shadows of the stage onto the walkway-arena hybrid that the Foxy Pirates had assembled for this first match.

She had dressed to the nines, raiding her wardrobe for something that Ranma could only describe as "pirate queen chic"; tight pants hugged her long, supple legs and strong hips without restricting her movement, a silk shirt that seemed to embrace her offset by an ornate, long-sleeved jacket worn over her shoulders like a cape. Whilst she had forsaken a hat, she wasn't going about bare-headed; a crown intricately woven from the still-thorny stems of black roses rested atop her head. She walked - no, sashayed - out onto the makeshift walkway, every hip-swinging stride oozing confidence. Her eyes smoldered with that heady tinge of arrogance, certainty, lust and a pinch of madness she normally saved for Ranma, her mirror-shine polished knee-high boots clacking loudly against the boards, cutting through the noise like a knife.

Her gaze swept imperiously over the baying crowd, pausing for just the briefest instance as it fell on Ranma. Her black-painted lips curled into the briefest coy smile, before twisting further into an imperious smirk. Her hand went to her new sword, the blade she had so proudly dubbed Black Rose Thorn. With an ornate flourish, she whipped it from its scabbard into a series of intricate cuts, parries and thrusts. In mid-routine, she thumbed the hidden trigger and it snapped apart, transforming into a whip-like braid of razor-edged chains. She twirled to and fro, almost seeming to dance as the whip-sword arced and curled through the air, spiraling around her in patterns where it seemed like it was certain to carve her open with its razored caress, but never spilled so much as a drop of her blood.

"And Kodachi Kuno comes out strong! As her former captain, why don't you tell us a little about the lovely lady?" Itomimizu asked, giving Ranma a pantomime wink and a nudge with his elbow.

"Sure, if that's what you want! Kodachi was a wealthy heiress back in our homeland, and a master of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics, known and feared as the Black Rose of Saint Hebereke!" Ranma explained, trying his best to hype her up for the audience.

"Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics? Seriously?" Itomimizu asked, and Ranma wasn't sure how much of his disbelief was feigned.

"Oh yeah - that's not even in the top three strangest fighting styles I've seen! She has decided to invent her own new style more suited for life on the seas, which she's calling 'Buccaneer Style Ninjutsu'! When she's not kicking ass and taking names, she enjoys gardening, flower arranging, playing card games, practicing the shamisen, and honing her skills at gourmet cooking. She's also an animal lover, and the one thing she misses from her old life is her beloved pet, Mr. Green Turtle."

Ranma looked up in naked surprise at the chorus of "Awws" that last comment elicited.

"A woman of many talents, no? But 'ere comes ze challenger, Shampoo!" Penelope added.

The cheering somehow found an even greater level of volume as Shampoo stalked sensually onto the stage. The ever-confident Joketsuzoku warrior had evidently decided to parlay her confidence into crowd appeal, because she might as well have been naked. A tiger-striped loincloth and a skimpy bikini top in the same pattern, both carefully tailored with artful rips to further add to the illusion of nudity without actually exposing any more skin.

'Are those some of Ryoga's bandannas?!' flashed madly through Ranma's forebrain.

For all her confidence, Shampoo's display lacked the... showmanship of Kodachi, the Joketsuzoku lacking her crewmate's experience with performing before a crowd. She smiled toothily and waved, blowing kisses and skipping along like a bunny, pausing every so often to give exaggerated twitches of her rabbit-like ears and tail.

"Not much for modesty, is she? Not that I'm thinking our boys are complaining!" Itomimizu laughed.

Ranma felt a vein in his right temple throb, but stifled his feelings and focused on trying to give Shampoo a similar sell-up.

"Shampoo comes from the Joketsuzoku, a hidden tribe of warrior women! She recently discovered a previously unknown zoan devil fruit, which is responsible for her very distinctive appearance - well, not the blue hair, that's all natural. When not training to get stronger, she cooks delicious food, practices various forms of arts and crafts, and back home, she was the primary caretaker of her beloved great-grandmother, Cologne!"

"A most generous woman, she iz being, yes? 'Owever would 'er grandmuzzair be fairin' wit 'er little girl zo far from 'ome?" Penelope wondered, raising the back of her gloved right hand to her forehead in a dramatic gesture, and causing Ranma to avert his gaze so he wasn't ogling the way the shift in posture highlighted the female judge's ample bosom... though Itomimizu definitely didn't seem to mind.

"Well, considering granny Cologne's a three-hundred-year-old martial arts grandmaster who could probably sink a Navy battleship with her bare hands, I'm pretty sure she's doing just fine," Ranma flippantly added, still keeping his eyes focused on the arena.

"...She iz a WHAT?!" demanded the civilian judge.

"Anyway, now that our ladies are on the stage, it's time to score them! Ex-Captain Saotome, will you start?" Itomimizu asked, a cruel twist to his ever-present grin.

"That's easy; ten for Kodachi and ten for Shampoo," Ranma immediately declared. He paused, thinking back on that long-ago game truth or dare, the one that hadn't gone nearly as badly as he'd feared. Well, in for a penny… "Look, Kodachi's routine, that was amazing. Against anyone else, it would've netted her a top score. But, I mean… LOOK at Shampoo!"

Surprisingly, this answer didn't go down as well as he'd hoped with his two would-be girlfriends. Kodachi pouted as if disappointed, whilst Shampoo stomped her foot, evidently unhappy with sharing a perfect score.

"...I'd call you spineless, but I wouldn't want to be facing the wrath of a duo like that either! Fortunately, I am not so restrained! Whilst both ladies are certainly lovely, and definitely not lacking in confidence, Kodachi Kuno simply had the far greater showmanship - my vote is Kodachi eight and Shampoo seven," Itomimizu declared.

"I must agree wit' Itomimizu; any girl can be flashing ze skin, but ze sheer grace and style of ze Kodachi Kuno, it makes far more of an impression. My vote iz Kodachi nine and Shampoo eight," Penelope stated simply.

"And there you have it - our first competitor is eliminated; Kodachi proceeds to the semi-finals!" Itomimizu gushed, his announcement eliciting crowds of cheers.

"Would ze competitors please be to leaving ze stage? Ze next match is to bein' Porche and Nabiki Tendo," Penelope professionally proclaimed.

Ranma bit his lip, holding his breath against the kind of outburst that should have been inevitable. To a mixture of shock and pride, Kodachi and Shampoo took it in stride; they even shook hands before they started back towards the stage, though Kodachi did blow Ranma a kiss that made his cheeks burn red.

No sooner had the first duo retreated than the next pair advanced. Porche came out strong, flipping through a series of acrobatic tumbles to land right on the podium, where she launched into an intricate pattern of baton twirls and tricks.

"Bet you've never seen anything like our Porche before, eh?" Itomimizu chuckled.

"She reminds me a little of a Martial Arts Cheerleader I fought once," Ranma observed diplomatically.

"Oh, come on!" protested his Foxy Pirates counterpart.

Ranma did his best to ignore him as Nabiki, dressed up in a slinky backless number that clung to her skin that reminded Ranma of the dungeon cum harem of Togenkyo, sashayed down the walkway with confidence second only to Kodachi's. He swallowed as she shot him a smoldering look, and once more launched into his narrator's schpiel.

"Nabiki Tendo is the heiress to the Tendo School of Anything Goes Martial Arts - yeah, we're connected; same grandmaster trained both our dads, who engaged us. She's more than just good looks, though; she's as smart as she is sexy, so don't write her off as just another cute girl!"

Nabiki looked pleasantly surprised by Ranma's words, which in turn kindled a warm flush in Ranma.

That was enough distraction for Porche to point one end of her baton at the walkway and press a hidden trigger, causing it to squirt a slick of translucent fluid over the floor, creating a slippery puddle right in front of Nabiki's downcoming foot.

It was hard to say who was more surprised by what happened next: when she stepped into the slippery slick, Nabiki shot forward as if she'd been greased - which, in a sense, she had. Somehow, though, she kept her balance, skating forward until she reached the other side of the puddle, where she managed to shift her weight to her other foot and plant it outside of the slimy pile. That firm foothold allowed her to arrest her slide and give herself the chance to shift her weight, stepping clear of Porche's trick.

Nabiki quickly schooled her face into an expression of calm, cool confidence, but Ranma had a literal front row seat to the look of equal parts shock, disbelief and pride at how she'd managed to recover from a trick that should have rightfully seen her flat on her (admittedly well-formed) rump.

"See what I mean? Looks, brains AND skills to boot! She's also a great singer, when she feels like it. I give Nabiki Tendo a ten," Ranma quickly declared.

"You would," came the snarky comment from Ranma's right. "Personally, I will be giving Miss Tendo a six; she DID nearly have that rather nasty slip, after all."

"Agreed. I would 'ave to be sayin' that Mis Tendo is bein' most lucky with that little accident. I can only be givin' 'er a seven. As for Miss Porche... I must say nine," concluded Penelope.

"Well, personally, I give Porche a ten; that was a beautiful display of skill and dexterity from a beautiful woman!" Itomimizu proclaimed.

"And you called me biased. I give her an eight; I've seen better baton and acrobatics," Ranma scoffed.

"And with those scores, Porche advances to the next round!" Itomimizu cheerfully concluded. "Back to the waiting wings, ladies, and send out the next pair!"

Porche didn't even try to hide her triumphant red-eye gesture to Nabiki, who coolly refused to even look at her would-be tormentor as she marched regally off to the wings where her compatriots were awaiting.

No sooner had Nabiki and Porche disappeared into the off-stage area than the next competitors emerged. Miriam strode onto the stage, her long legs propelling her ahead of her shorter crewmate. She was wearing the same dress she'd worn for that failed raid on Commodore Baron Sukumvit's birthday party, a simple but elegant ankle-length gown that flowed over her body. She smiled softly and gave a surprisingly decorous wave to the crowd as she walked up to the end of the runway, the wood creaking softly with each step.

'I ain't exactly Mr. Social Skills, but even I can tell she'd rather not be doin' this... poor Miriam; we'll make it up to ya, I promise...' Ranma quietly assured himself.

In contrast to the wild cheering and raucous cries of approval that had greeted the last four contestants, Miriam's reception was much more lukewarm, and largely consisted of polite clapping, save for a few outliers. The thunderous applause of the monstrous form of Big Pan was the most obvious, but there were some others, too - including the three fishmen members of the Foxy Pirates.

'Makes sense, she's probably closer to their tastes than to most humans,' Ranma mused. He didn't get further down that train of thought, as Ryoga - or 'Yoiko', as he'd decided to go by in this guise - stepped onto the runway and the crowd went wild.

In contrast to Miriam, who was at least trying to be decorous, Ryoga simply scowled grumpily at all and sundry. The once-pig, now-girl had dressed in an ensemble that Ranma could only describe as "pirate school-girl"; an attempt at being modest, complete with knee-length skirt, that somehow managed to make "Yoiko" look all the cuter by covering up the muscles and emphasizing the full figure beneath. It was anyone's guess where Ryoga had come up with it - probably from what he'd seen Akane wearing, if Ranma was any judge, but it definitely seemed to be going down well with the crowd.

A sudden sharp nudge in his ribs jolted Ranma's focus back to the real world, reminding him that he was supposed to be narrating.

"Yoiko Hibiki is the big sister to my first mate, Ryoga Hibiki. She's an incurable romantic who enjoys hiking, mountain climbing, camping, and long walks on the beach! She's also a sucker for cutesy little knickknacks, and her quarters are filled with souvenirs from all the islands we've visited!"

"Ranma, you jerk, are ya trying to embarrass me?!" Ryoga roared, shaking her fist angrily at her currently ex-captain.

Ranma ignored her, and continued, "Miriam Ransdottir was our first recruit; a shipwright form the island of Shay-Lot, home to a village of giant shipwrights! She might look a little intimidating, but she's really a big softie; there's nothing she likes better after a hard day of patching the hull or bustin' skulls than to curl up with a good meal, plenty of drink, and a steamy romance novel."

"Captain! You promised you wouldn't tell anyone about that!" Miriam cried in dismay, cheeks blazing red in embarrassment, her mortification eliciting smattered laughter and applause from the onlookers.

"I give Miriam an eight, and Yoiko a seven," Ranma declared happily. "What can I say, I like confidence, and Miriam's showing more of it right now."

" Well, I suppose at least we know who your favorites are! Personally, I have to give Yoiko an eight, but I'm afraid I can't give Miriam anything higher than a five," Itomimizu declared, shrugging. "She's just not my type, I'm afraid."

The look on Miriam's face made Ranma want to punch his fellow commentator, even if she also seemed resigned to the score. It was a minor comfort that neither Capote, nor Girarin, nor Jube seemed particularly pleased with their crewmate's decision, judging by the stinkeyes they were sending him. Big Pan just seemed oblivious, simply waving at the smaller and very uninterested female wotan.

"Personally, I agree wit' Ranma; an eight for Miriam, and a seven for Yoiko," Penelope interjected. "To add onto what 'e said, there iz somethin' about ze gap between 'er looks and 'er demeanor that… appeals."

"Well, I didn't see that coming! Sadly, that still leaves a final tally of Miriam twenty-one, and Yoiko twenty-two, meaning Yoiko goes on to the semi-finals!" Itomimizu proclaimed.

Ranma watched as "Yoiko" gave Miriam an apologetic look, but the wotan simply smiled graciously and made a dismissive gesture. The two promptly walked back up the runway to join the rest of the competitors.

"And now, the last match of the first round, it's the Foxy Pirates' Gina vs. the Kamikaze Pirates' Harumi!" came the cheerful cry from Itomimizu.

Striding confidently down the walkway came the redhead from before, to a serenade of cheers, whoops and whistles from her crewmates. She carried twin wood-working hammers, which she dexterously twirled in either hand like they were batons.

"When she's not working hard tending to the Sexy Foxy or helping set up our glorious Davy Back Fight paraphernalia as one of our most skilled shipwrights, Gina believes in playing even harder! If you like a good drink and a great game of cards, you can be sure that Gina will show you a good time!" came the cheerful cry of Itomimizu.

And then there was Harumi... somehow, despite being both male and dressed the most modestly of all the Kamikazes on-stage, he just exuded an innocent "girl-next-door" kind of appeal, a soft smile paired with wide doe eyes that just had the audience melting wherever "she" seemed to fix her gaze. The crossdresser literally danced down the walkway, a fan in either hand which he gestured and flicked in ornate patterns, the flowing silky streamers of his ensemble creating a vision of graceful loveliness. He paused for a brief moment in his dance and demurely blew a kiss, and Ranma blinked as he actually saw what looked like a dozen big, tough, burly pirates keel over like rockstar groupies from a music video.

'...Where the hell did he learn to do that?! He doesn't even have the body!'

Shaking himself back to reality, he hurried to do his own narration.

"Harumi Tsukuyomi was our second addition to the crew after we began our journey from far-off Nerima Island! This pretty young flower fled an abusive mother and a cruel life on Femille Island for the freedom of the Jolly Roger!"

Cries of sympathy now began to mingle with the lecherous outbursts, Harumi fluttering his eyelashes and fans as he played up to the crowd's approval. This didn't go unnoticed by his opponent, who began to juggle her hammers... and then launched them flying straight at Harumi!

"Oops! My hands slipped!" she cried.

Ranma inhaled, ready to scream abuse or advice, he wasn't sure which yet, but he might as well have saved his breath. Harumi never even broke stride, his fans scything around and cutting clean through the hammers in mid-flight, deft twitches of his wrists sending the fragments spiraling harmlessly off to either side of the walkway without the slightest hint of effort.

"I forgot to mention, she's also an aspiring swordsman! ...Swordswoman? Whatever!" Ranma quipped, taking a vindictive pleasure at the dumbfounded look on Gina's face.

"Of course, in the face of such a blatant display of clumsiness, I must punish Gina with a score of one, whilst Harumi earns a score of ten, for obvious reasons" he added.

"I agree! Zat was an 'orrible display from ze Foxy Pirates member - Gina one, Harumi ten," Penelope concurred. "Whilst my compatriot may think Harumi's appeal is obvious - which is admittedly correct - but the grace, the demurity… she is a vision of loveliness!"

Itomimizu frowned at both of them, only to wince as an outcry came from the amassed Foxy Pirates - not objecting to Ranma and Penelope's scores, but agreeing with them.

"I don't entirely disagree, but... Gina, three, and Harumi... nine," Itomimizu reluctantly proclaimed.

"Well, that settles that, then - Harumi makes it to the next round!" Ranma loudly announced, to a great chorus of cheers.

Gina glared hatefully at the judges, whilst Harumi simply bowed from the waist, gesturing a final time with his fans before sashaying back up the walkway, his defeated opponent on his heels.

"Well, that means it's time for the semifinals! Miss Penelope, care to do the honors?" Itomimizu asked, handing her four folded slips of paper.

"Certainmoi," she cheerfully replied, shuffling the papers around and around several times before she drew two. "Ze first match of ze semifinals is to bein'... Porche vs. Kodachi! And ze second match is to be bein' Yoiko vs. 'arumi!"

"Well, you heard it here, folks! Ladies, let's not keep the audience waiting!" Itomimizu joyfully chorused, his snail-augmented voice booming across the crowd.

Once more, Porche came skipping down the walkway, twirling her baton in intricate flourishes. She posed at the end, striking poses that reminded Ranma all too much of his encounters with Mariko Kuonjo.

"F! O! X! Y! We're the slyest of the sly! GOOOO FOXY!" cheered Porche, striking a triumphant flourish as her baton sprouted a thick bouquet of pink roses.

The assembled Foxy Pirates erupted in an ear-shaking cavalcade of claps, cheers, whistles and marriage proposals. Itomimizu opened his mouth, clearly about to say something appreciative, only to cut himself off and wince as the ear-splitting cackle of Kodachi cut through the cacophony like a knife.

"An amusing trick, dear; now watch a real woman work!"

The Kamikaze's helmsman shot from the offstage portion like a human missile, flipping and tumbling across the stage in a rapid-fire series of acrobatic stunts that concluded with Kodachi launching herself from a handstand high into the air. She spun like a drill, hovering impossibly, then flipped around and dropped to the stage in a series of flip. No sooner had her boots thunked against the wood than she proudly flung open her jacket, causing a series of rockets to suddenly erupt from its interior and go whistling into the sky, where they detonated in brilliant bursts of crackling, colored sparks... except for two, which arced over and instead dropped right back towards the ground, hurtling towards Porche like guided missiles.

"Flower Shurikens!" Porche cried, whipping her baton around and launching what looked like pink rose blooms from its tip. Only the sharpest eyes, like Ranma's, would make out the gleaming, razor-sharp steel daggers jutting from each bloom before they slammed into the descending rockets, detonating them in spectacular flashes of colored light and smoke.

"Oooh, and Porche shows why she's the Foxy Pirates' second in command with a snappy display of sharp-shooting! I DO hope that was purely an accident, however; I'd hate to have to disqualify Miss Kuno for breaking the rules," Itomimizu chirped, wagging his finger at Kodachi in reproach.

Kodachi laughed again, covering her mouth with a hand bent at the wrist in the classic ojou pose. "Oh, but of course it was! Mere high spirits at partaking in such an exciting battle against so formidable an adversary, you understand?"

'Wow, she actually said that with a straight face. Nobody spouts bare-faced lies like a Kuno,' Ranma privately marveled to himself.

"I understand, but I gotta mark ya down for it all the same! While your acrobatics were incredible, and the fireworks were spectacular, they were undermined by that near-miss; if Porche hadn't been so skilled, you might have really hurt her! I can't give you anything more than a five!" Itomimizu shot back.

"As for our lovely Porche, those poses were simply stunning; not a movement wasted, and the chant stirred my heart! I can't give her anything less than a perfect ten!" He added.

Porche giggled loudly in glee, whilst Kodachi took the critique with an uncharacteristic stoicness.

"Well, personally, I thought Porche's routine was a little stale - she did most of those tricks in the first round! She only gets a seven for me. Kodachi, on the other hand, had a stunning new routine performed flawlessly, and as somebody who's done it himself, I can tell you that doing that and Hidden Weapons at the same time is no joke - especially with explosives! I do have to take a little off for that little mistake at the end, but still, I award Kodachi with a nine-point-five," Ranma asserted.

"You are too generous, Monsieur Saotome. In ze face of such an attack, I can only be givin' Madame Kuno a six - and if I thought zat was a deliberate attack, I would be callin' for 'er to be disqualified. On ze other 'and, Madame Porche displayed grace, elegance and poise, staying cool and calm even under ze pressure of ze moment. I give 'er a nine."

After the near lock-step support during the first round, Ranma couldn't help but give an annoyed glare at his fellow judge. Still, he couldn't refute her opinion, as much as he wanted to protest that this was tame for Kodachi.

"Well, there you have it! Porche goes on to the final round! Give the lovely ladies a big hand, before we welcome on the next competitors!"

The audience did as Itomimizu requested, Kodachi and Porche making their way up the platform - Porche twirling her baton triumphantly, Kodachi marching along stoically. No sooner had they vanished into the off-wings of the stage than Harumi emerged, the faux-girl being greeted with riotous cheers and applause. He smiled demurely and blew a few kisses, which went down very well with his audience, judging by the delighted cries and even a few fledgling fist fights that ensued.

'Wonder how they'd take it if they knew the truth?' Ranma wondered, smirking darkly as he did.

Harumi reached the end of the walkway, and bowed to the three judges, before turning to look back up the walkway, waiting for "Yoiko" to follow. All eyes turned that way, waiting for the last of the semi-finalists in this impromptu beauty contest.

And they waited.

And they waited...

Itomimizu glanced at his wristwatch, shook it, held it up to his ear, then picked up the transponder snail's transceiver.

"Uh... Will Miss Yoiko Hibiki please take to the stage?"

"No!" came the bellowed cry from the offstage area.

"Whaddya mean, 'no'?!" a startled Itomimizu replied, shock written all over his face, and a smattering of laughter coming from the crowd.

"I said no, and I meant it! This is stupid! It's humiliating! I'm not gonna march around on a stupid stage and let a bunch of guys ogle me, no way!"

"If you don't come out, we'll have to disqualify you!" the Foxy Pirates' commentator-judge warned.

"Fine! Do it! In fact, I forfeit!"

'Don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh...' Ranma frantically chastised himself, fighting madly to keep a blank, neutral expression, even as Itomimizu looked uncertainly over at his fellow commentator-judge.

Seeing that Ranma would be no help, Itomimizu helplessly raised the transceiver to his mouth once more.

"Uh... well, in an unexpected turn of events, Yoiko Hibiki has forfeited the semi-finals! This means the final match will be held between Porche of the Foxy Pirates, and Harumi of the Kamikaze Pirates!"

A great cheer went up from the assembled audience, who evidently had no problem with this outcome whatsoever. Harumi bowed to the judges once more, and went to make his way back up the walkway, before Ranma suddenly called out.

"You might as well just wait here; no reason to go all that way up there if you're only coming straight back down."

Harumi bowed again, and turned to watch with the judges as a mighty roar went up amongst the assembled men. Porche came strutting confidently down the runway, waving to the men around her as if she were a noblewoman on parade, ever-present baton twirling in a circle around one hand. She marched right up to Harumi and turned to face the judges, striking a pose clearly aimed to flaunt her figure whilst giving them a flirty wink and a victory sign.

"And now, in the final bout of Pick-a-Pretty Pirate, it's the Foxy Idol Porche vs. the Kamikaze Queen Harumi! Which of these lovely ladies will take home the crown and prove their crew is the luckiest to sail the seas? We've already seen that they have the looks, but now it's time to pull out the big guns and display their talents!"

As the crowd cheered Itomimizu's proclamation, Ranma leaned forward, watching carefully to see how Porche might try to cheat in this match the way she had against her two other opponents. He didn't need to wait long. Perhaps stung by Ranma's critique of her routine being stale in the semi-finals, Porche forwent her previous acrobatics, instead pulling out a microphone from a concealed pocket and starting to sing.

It wasn't any melody that Ranma recognized; it was either one of this world's songs, or perhaps an original composition of her own design. But it was perky and bubbly, with just a hint of sensuality - somebody with more experience with the music scene than Ranma might have dubbed it akin to a J-pop idol singer. It clearly went down well with the audience, despite Ranma personally thinking it was rather girly sounding.

Harumi, however, didn't take it lying down. The crossdresser began to dance, and Ranma recognized almost instantly that the faux-girl was actually dancing along to the melody that his rival was performing!

'A risky gambit! On the one hand, that could be a sign of weakness... on the other hand, it really pushes that 'cute girl' thing he's going for, so they might just go for that...'

Luckily for the Kamikazes' hopes of winning this match, the gambit seemed to be paying off. Though Porche seemed visibly put off by Harumi's actions, her singing never faltered, even as she began incorporating her former baton twirls into the act, almost as if she was conducting Harumi's graceful gyrations.

'Watch it, Harumi!' Ranma mentally cried out.

Sure enough, in the middle of one rotating flourish, Porche triggered whatever it was that let her squirt oil from her baton, causing great gobbets of greasy gel to go raining out in Harumi's direction. But in a display of incredible agility, Harumi dodged every single attack without breaking stride even once, neither getting splattered with the translucent slime nor slipping in the puddles they created.

It happened so quickly, and everyone else was so distracted, that Ranma couldn't even call her out for it. Then Porche tried again, sweeping her baton in Harumi's direction and releasing a squirt of some pink fumes in his direction... but the crossdressing swordsman evaded them with an expertly timed pirouette out of range, nimbly avoiding each of the slicks now dotting the stage.

That was the last straw for Porche, who visibly snarled, somehow whilst singing, before she flourished her baton. A bouquet of pink roses bloomed from its end, before she reached out with her free hand and grabbed a handful of blossoms before throwing them hard at her opponent whilst simultaneously ending her song.

Harumi snapped to a halt, his hands flashing out to deflect or catch all of the blooms. Bright sunlight glinted off of metal, revealing that what had looked like flowers were actually the decorative hilts of throwing knives - the same ones that Porche had used in her earlier Flower Shurikens attack.

"That was a blatant attack, in total disregard for the rules!" Ranma bellowed, snatching the transceiver from Itomimizu and pointing accusingly at the shocked Porche.

Penelope leaned sharply forward over Itomimizu, obliviously squashing the Foxy Pirate under her ample chest as she grabbed the transceiver from Ranma and delivered her own angry commentary.

"Zat is bein' an obvious breach of ze rules! Porche is to be disqualified for such blatant cheatin'!"

Itomimizu struggled a little as he groped for a handhold, and then pushed the overly top-heavy civilian off of himself. He snatched up the transceiver himself, but before he spoke, his eyes darted around. To his naked surprise (and also to Ranma's, if he were honest), the assembled Foxy Pirates seemed to largely agree with Ranma's and Penelope's assessment.

"Porche, how could you?"

"That was totally uncalled for!"

"I used to think you were so cool!"

"Cheating like that is beneath you!"

Porche visibly wilted under the barrage of critique coming from her crewmates, lip trembling and tears slowly dripping down her the underside of her characteristic mask.

Itomimizu swallowed hard, looking like he had a sea urchin stuck in his throat. Reluctantly, he raised the transceiver to his lips.

"Uh...In light of this blatant breach of the rules... I... I have no choice but to disqualify Porche! Harumi Tsukuyomi is hereby recognized as the prettiest pirate, meaning the Kamikaze Pirates win the first match of this Davy Back Fight!"

Porche burst into tears and ran back upstage, howling in misery... or she would have done, if she hadn't stepped in one of her own puddles and slipped head-over-heels. Even Ranma winced as she hit the stage face-first, laying stunned for a few moments before climbing back to her feet and running away, successfully this time.

"Well... there you have it, folks! Give our lucky contender a big hand! And with this, the Kamikaze Pirates have won their first match of three! Who will the Lady Saotome choose as her prize? We'll see in a matter of minutes!"

Harumi bowed and departed for the offstage area where the rest of the crew was waiting, much more gracefully than Porche had done. Ranma rolled his shoulders and hopped out of his commentator's chair.

"Where are you going? Your ex-co-captain's going to be making her big announcement shortly," Itomimizu asked, though luckily he was professional enough to take the transceiver away and put it back on the transponder snail first.

"I gotta use the facilities, I'll be back to see it," Ranma replied, the lie springing easily to his lips. As Itomimizu nodded in understanding and turned back away, Ranma began to take the first steps that would lead him to a secret change of forms and clothes, when a voice spoke up from behind him.

"Excuse moi, Monsieur Saotome?"

"Oh, Penelope. What's up?" Ranma asked, turning to face the mysterious masked woman with honest confusion.

"After ze Davy Back Fight is bein' over, if you or your sister are still captains of ze Kamikaze Pirates, may I be speakin' with you and 'er?" she asked humbly, her body language screaming curiosity.

"Hey, we're not calling this quits until we're all back together! But sure, you can speak to us then," Ranma told her.

"S'ank you. I shall be seekin' you out after ze match," she declared, bowing gracefully before walking away.

'Weird. What's she want?' Ranma wondered, then shook the thought away and resumed his original mission.

Meanwhile, with the other Kamikazes...

"You did it, you won, you won!" Miriam crowed in delight, tail swishing in her glee as she greeted the triumphantly returning swordsman from Femille.

"Only because she grew frustrated enough to openly cheat," Harumi modestly replied.

"Ah, you give yourself too little credit - you had them eating out of your hands," Nabiki declared confidently, whilst Ryoga, now restored to his male form and apparel, simply huffed from where he was sitting to the side of the crew.

"I must agree; I've seen many competitors in my field who would have struggled to display the grace and poise that you pulled off," Kodachi agreed.

"Harumi do too-too good job; now we win back airen!" Shampoo giggled, bouncing excitedly like the bunny she (halfways) resembled.

"That's my Harumi for you!" Miriam gushed, snatching up the smaller human and crushing him to her chest, nuzzling his cheek with her own.

"Muh-My lady Miriam!" Harumi protested, blushing beet red and trying to push away.

"Oh, who cares? I'm sick of trying to hide this! We're together now; you guys got a problem with it?" she snapped, shooting a challenging look at her crewmates.

"Why would we care? What you two do in your private time is your business," Nabiki breezily replied, waving a hand in flippant dismissal.

"You make too-too cute couple," Shampoo added.

"Besides, we would be the last crew to have a rule against internal romance," Kodachi tittered.

The crossdresser and the wotan blinked in surprise, then smiled warmly at the unexpectedly positive reception.

"If you girls are done gushing, don't you think we should go and attend the choosing ceremony?" Ryoga grumpily interjected from his seat.

"Somebody salty," Shampoo dryly observed.

"Definitely, but he also has a point," Nabiki conceded.

Choosing time!

Hastily dried off and having switched out his clothes for something to further the illusion of being two people, Ranma stepped up to the assembled Foxy Pirates as the two drummers beat their now-familiar drumroll to either side of him. Foxy sneered down his long nose, whilst his crew looked openly nervous. The only exceptions were the bland indifference of Dyna and the excited look on Ukyo's face, the chef barely restraining herself from hopping up and down in anticipation.

"In an incredible upset, after having lost three matches in a row, the Kamikaze Pirates have claimed a victory in a Davy Back Fight! Now it's time for Lady Ranma Saotome to choose her prize from the Foxy Pirates - whoever will she pick?!"

Ranma permitted herself a triumphant smirk, before dramatically pointing at her choice.

"Ucchan! C'mon back!"

Ukyo let out a squeal of glee, hugging herself in delight before she ran across the grass and flung herself into Ranma's arms. The startled genderbender instinctively hugged her tight, the momentum of their collision spinning them in a circle.

"I knew you'd come for me," Ukyo sighed, affectionately nuzzling her cheek against Ranma's, which flushed bright red in embarrassment.

"Ucchan..." Ranma sighed in a heady cocktail of embarrassment, happiness, relief and just a tiny pinch of something she didn't want to think about too hard.

"Oh, my! Seems like these two are a little more than just captain and chef! But wait - isn't Ukyo supposed to be the MALE Ranma's fiancée? Could there be a love triangle going on here? What a steamy ship the Kamikazes must run!"

Now it was Ukyo's turn to go bright red in mortification, releasing her currently-female fiancé as if she were red hot.

"Mu-Me 'n' Ucchan are just really good friends, that's all!" Ranma shouted angrily at Itomimizu, waving her hands in frantic denial.

"That looked like more than just friends to me, Captain Saotome! ...Wait, you're letting your own brother stay on the Foxy Pirates? What kind of heartless wench are you?! That's so cold!"

"He got cocky - he can wait until I get the others back first!" Ranma shouted in response.

"FEHfehfehfehfeh! I like-a your confidence, but don't get cocky - there's still two rounds left in this Davy Back Fight!" Foxy interjected, holding up two fingers to emphasize his point.

"You'll see," Ranma growled darkly in response.

And so...

"Step right up, step right up! After our brief tangent into beauty pageantry, it's time for a return to something a bit more traditional in Davy Back Fights - an eating contest! Yes, in the Scoffalotta round, two teams of three will test their guts, literally and metaphorically. Each competing team has been given a veritable mountain of meat in the form of delicious sausages, graciously donated to the cause by our very own Foxy Pirates Association of Stalls! Whichever team consumes the most sausages in a three minute timespan, wins! Couldn't be simpler! Outside interference is strictly forbidden; if anyone from either crew steps onto the stage, that team is disqualified on the spot!"

"Competing for the honor of Team Foxy... wow, this is a rare treat; our very own boss trio takes the stage! It's Foxy, Porche and Hamburg, going for gusto in this grueling gastronomic... uh... gallop!"

The three leaders of the Foxy Pirates struck a team pose, a mighty roar of delight rising from their throng of crewmates.

"And on the Kamikaze Team... it's a rare sight indeed, with an all-female trio! Give it up for Miriam, Harumi, and Nabiki!"

The Kamikazes received a much frostier reception by comparison, which washed off of their collective backs. Nabiki instead concentrated her attention on studying the enemy team.

'Obviously, they have the same basic plan as we do - one eater, two tricksters. Well, we expected as much - this should make it easier than if they tried to just brute-force their way through with their resident giantkin! Between Foxy's Slow-Slow Beam and Porche's sleeping gas trick, normally that'd guarantee victory with Hamburg stuffing his face. Well, this time we're ready for them...'

She nudged Miriam in the stomach with her elbow. When the wotan glanced down at her, Nabiki made a surreptitious gesture at Porche's baton and deliberately snapped her teeth. Miriam grinned a terrifying grin, her own razored fangs glinting in the light, before she nodded delicately at her crewmate.

"On your marks! Get set! GO!"

A bell rang, and Miriam exploded into action. With terrifying speed the giant shark-girl reached across the gap between tables and grabbed Porche's baton, yanking it from her grasp. Even as the older woman squealed in surprise, Miriam tossed it into the air, sending it arcing into her mouth where she snapped it up like a shark plucking a seabird from the surface of the ocean.

Teeth bio-engineered to saw through shell and bone came crashing down with bone-shattering force, reducing the baton into fragments that disappeared down Miriam's gullet in a single swallow. There was a muffled boom as crushed gas canisters detonated, the wotan's stomach visibly ballooning outwards, shrinking back to its former size as she belched thunderously, plumes of pink vapor spilling from between her parted lips.

"Excuse me!" Miriam pleaded, trying to demurely cover her mouth with one hand, cheeks flaring red as the crowd laughed and clapped in amusement. She shook her head and then turned her attention to the pile of meat, reaching out to grab a titanic fistful and raise them to her flesh-shredding maw.

'Not what I meant, but it works!' Nabiki privately conceded, even as she grabbed her own first sausage and took a bite.

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to build that?!" Porche screeched indignantly.

"Feh! You may have broken Porche's baton, but you can't break this!" Foxy cried, raising one hand, forefinger and pinky held upright as the tips of his pressed-together thumb, middle and ring fingers glowed.

"Slow-Slow - gah!" He yelped in shock as a sausage sailed across the divide and slapped him hard in the face, the shock causing him to lose his focus and his beam attack to die stillborn.

"Oh that's just childish! Slow-Slow - ah my eye!" He tried again, only to be disrupted once more as a second sausage speared him right in the face.

"Cut that out! Slow-Slow - GLRK!" he choked loudly as three sausages were flung like darts to stab right into his open mouth. He reached up and yanked the meaty morsels free, glowering across the table, where both Nabiki and Harumi were now eating with two hands; one to raise sausages to their mouths, the others poised to resume pelting him with them. Scowling thunderously, he undid his hand gesture and turned to the pile of meat, where he joined his teammates in eating as fast as he could.

Watching from the crowd, Ranma permitted himself a triumphant smirk. 'Not so cocky now, are you? This should be a clean and easy win for my team!'

And it seemed like Ranma's plan had been crazy enough to work. As the clock ticked down, the teams raced onwards - largely carried by Miriam and Hamburg, admittedly, but both sets of smaller pirates kept their heads down and continued scarfing as best they could. Porche in particular was doing a surprisingly good job at gulping down mouthfuls of meat, sometimes sucking sausages down without even bothering to chew.

'Just what the hell goes on over on that ship!? Who'd have thought a wanna-be idol like her could pack it away like that? Then again, who'd have thought I could pack it away like this?' Nabiki madly wondered. The weeks of intense training and the equally intense demand for fuel they had placed her body under had allowed her to keep a steady and consistent pace, even if she suspected she was going to be feeling bloated for hours after this little stunt.

That said, the obvious advantage had to go to Miriam. Size wasn't so much a factor; Hamburg was quite the hulking brute himself. But Miriam had one advantage that her Foxy Pirate rival lacked: a mouth adapted for a carnivorous diet. She didn't even need to chew; multiple rows of fangs meant to carve through shell, bone and blubber reduced mere minced meat in intestine casing to easily digestible shreds with a single bite. Consequently, the wotan could almost literally shovel the food down her gullet. The Foxy Pirates struggled heroically, keeping the Kamikazes' lead surprisingly small, but it was still uncontestable, no matter how much encouragement the crew shouted to their representatives.

"One minute!"

Ranma permitted himself a smile. 'We got this one in the bag... wait, what's he doing?!'

He'd spotted Foxy stop his gorging, leaving Hamburg and Porche to press on without him. Instead, he was slumping backwards in his chair, eyes working. Ducking down, Ranma saw what was going on; Foxy was holding a hand mirror in one hand, carefully adjusting its position so he could catch the Kamikaze team (or at least their legs) in its reflection. The other hand was curled into his "fox-face" gesture, fingertips glowing.

'His beam can bounce!?'

"Thirty seconds!"

"Slow-Slow Beam!"

Stuck on the sidelines, Ranma could only watch in horror as the dreaded ring-shaped beam of energy ricocheted from the mirror at an angle, washing over his crewmates and reducing them to near-motionless statues. Foxy immediately began attacking his pile of food with a vengeance, Porche and Hamburg both summoning the strength to redouble their efforts. They scoffed and scarfed frantically, gorging themselves as those precious final seconds ticked away, Itomimizu leading his cheering crewmates in a final countdown.

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! ZERO! All competitors, hands down, stop eating!"

Foxy's team immediately did as they were told, all visibly relieved at the chance to do so. The Kamikaze team returned to normal time with a start, looking around in confusion, faces falling as the realization sank in.

Itomimizu approached the stage and climbed up, quickly going over their respective piles.

"Well, folks, it was a close-run race, but in the end, Team Foxy wins by three sausages!" he announced cheerfully, eliciting another chorus of cheers.

"Fehfehfeh, but of course we won!" Foxy bragged.

Ranma privately took what schadenfreude he could from the green tinge to Foxy's skin, the droopy-eyed queasy look on Hamburg's face, and the plaintive moan Porche emitted as she leaned back in her seat, gingerly rubbing the sausage-stuffed pot belly her usual attire exposed to the world before belching greasily in distress.

At least the Kamikazes seemed to be faring a little better. Miriam didn't look even remotely bothered by what she had eaten, Nabiki simply wiped some sweat from her brow and tried to stealthily adjust a now-tighter waistband, and Harumi hiccuped softly.

"Which means, of course, that Captain Foxy now gets to pick his choice from the Kamikaze Pirate crew! ...After a ten minute recess," Itomimizu added, sparing a look at his clearly unwell crewmates.

Ten minutes later...

"Gettin' real sick of this," Ranma muttered to herself as the drummer's tattoo rolled over her and the Kamikazes, Foxy waving his finger back and forth as he played over his choice.

Then, as the drummers ceased their roll, he thrust his hand forward. "I choose you, Miriam, the shipwright!"

The wotan flinched, glancing sadly down at Harumi, who stuffed a handkerchief between his teeth and bit into it to keep from crying out in protest, even though his eyes blazed at the notion. She turned to Ranma and sighed loudly. "I'm sorry, captain."

"Wasn't your fault. We underestimated them - we had no way of knowing that beam could bounce," Ranma assured her, even as Miriam took her first reluctant stride towards her new crew.

"Not so easy to win as all that, is it?" Foxy asked, smirking at his counterpart.

"Tell me; did you start playing this game before or after you got that Devil Fruit?" Ranma asked, equal parts bitterness and curiosity in her voice.

"Maybe I'll tell you once you join my crew," Foxy proclaimed, before laughing in triumph as Miriam donned the trademark mask of the Foxy Pirates.

And so...

"Well, folks, it's time for the final match of this three-game Davy Back Fight! The name of the game is Flying Fish Frenzy, and here to help us all understand it is one of the Kamikaze Pirates, Nabiki Tendo! Welcome aboard, Miss Tendo!"

"Pleased to be here, Mr. Itomimizu!" Nabiki chirped happily.

"So, tell us about Flying Fish Frenzy; whilst we are on the coast, none of your teammates are wearing anything remotely resembling swimwear! AND the teams have been positioned between two large, sinister looking steel tanks!" Itomimizu continued, elaborating on the scene currently spread before the two narrators.

"Flying Fish Frenzy was invented by our captains, Ranma Saotome, in honor of a Joketsuzoku martial arts technique they learned; the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken! So named because the training involves snatching roasting chestnuts from an open fire with your bare hands!" Nabiki replied, falling easily into the commentator's role.

"Sounds painful!" Came the immediate reply from her temporary partner of the moment, grinning cheerfully even as he spoke.

"It absolutely is! And it's even worse when you're under a pressure point attack that increases your sensitivity to heat a hundredfold!" Nabiki responded, matching Itomimizu's cheerful enthusiasm.

"I'm getting the sweats just thinking about it! But what does that have to do with this game?" Itomimizu asked, going from melodramatically wiping his brow with the back of his forearm to giving her a similarly exaggerated quizzical look.

"Well, our captains found a new way to master the move; pulling starving piranha from a local pond with their bare hands!" Chirped Nabiki.

"That isn't the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard, but it's at least in the top eleven! Wait; you mean?!" Itomimizu's grin faded and his eyes bulged as the inference caught up with his brain, which had previously been running on adrenaline.

"That's right, Itomimizu; the name of the game is bare-hands fish catching! Whichever team grabs the most fish from the tank and tosses it into a pile behind themselves, wins! Of course, it's a little more interesting than just that - we stocked both tanks to the brim with live ligerfish, and boy, are they cranky about it!" Explained Nabiki, chirpy and cheerful to an extent that really came off as dissonant with what she was saying.

"Ligerfish!?" yelped Itomimizu, and he was no longer playing up his reaction for the crowd.

"A local cross between a lionfish and a tigerfish! Picture a jumbo-sized piranha with a bad attitude covered in poisoned spikes - they're quite the local nuisance! Thus, competitors will be attempting to catch said fish without either having fingers bitten off, or impaling themselves on a deadly poisonous spike!" Nabiki elaborated, grinning sadistically as she did so.

"We're supposed to do what?!" cried Jube, Capote and Girarin, the Foxy Pirates' resident trio of fishmen pirates - and their chosen competitors in this match.

"I thought this was some kind of swimming race!?" screamed Foxy, eyes bulging in panic.

Ranma grinned mercilessly, cracking her knuckles and rolling her neck. Shampoo, currently in her hybrid form, made menacing motions with her fingers, whilst Kodachi laughed triumphantly.

"Let the game begin! ...Unless you want to forfeit right here and now?" Nabiki suggested, smiling like the cat that ate the canary and then washed it down with all the cream.

"Hey, don't count us out just yet! Capote is a Fishman Karate master, and Girarin and Jube are no slouches either!" Itomimizu spat back, his usual exaggerated grin shifting into an equally exaggerated frown.

The three fishmen visibly straightened, as if Itomimizu's confidence in them had given them renewed confidence in themselves. Capote rolled his shoulders, Girarin polished the edge of one of his forearm-mounted blades, and Jube interlaced his four pairs of hands and cracked his myriad knuckles.

"Alright then, let's get this show on the road! Three, two, one... start snatching those fish!" Nabiki cried, ringing a bell on the table.

"Hey, I was supposed to do that!" Itomimizu protested.

Foxy laughed to himself, already raising his hands to form his trademark fox-face gestures.

'A Slow-Slow on those Kamikaze kids, then a Slow-Slow on the fish, and we've got this in the bag!'

And that was when the fish hit him squarely in the face. Five kilograms of solid flesh and bone bounced off of his skull, which was disorientating in its own right, but then the fish sank its teeth firmly into his nose, reducing the Slow-Slow-Man's world to intense, searing pain. He screamed and began to run around blindly, fleeing mindlessly from the scene in his desperate attempt to find someone - anyone! - who could get the damn thing off.

'That takes care of that nuisance! No Slow-Slow Beam to help you assholes this time! Add to it Kodachi doping our tank with tranq dust, and adding pep powder to theirs, and this'll be a cinch...'

Ranma almost smiled at her own cleverness, but her focus on the tank's contents kept her from doing so. Even with the fish inside lazily bobbing along and barely reacting to being touched, every blow still had to be aimed precisely to avoid being painfully skewered on a toxic spike. The three martial artists were a blur, their hands scything through the water so fast that they didn't even get wet, scooping up ligerfish and tossing them over their shoulders to land in their fish basket.

Now, to give the Foxy Pirates their due credit, they certainly gave it a shot as well! All three moved with a speed that even Ranma had to admit was impressive, and Jube's multiple arms in particular allowed him to approach from different angles. But, faced with fighting mad fish that were blindly churning the water, snapping at anything that caught their attention and bristling their spines, it was a genuine challenge even to them to catch anything without being bitten or envenomed.

The results were, if anything, inevitable. As the last of the ligerfish in the Kamikazes' tank went arcing through the air to join their brethren, the two-and-a-half girls reached down to dig their fingers into the sand underneath the edge of the tank.

"Finished!" they cried as one, muscles rippling arms and legs as they heaved the tank over, spilling salt water onto the sand and proving the validity of their claim.

The Foxy fishmen, on the other hand, could only clutch bleeding wounds in their fingers and arms and stare in dismay, barely two dozen fish in their pile with at least twice as many as that in the Kamikaze's pile.

"I do believe that's your cue?" Nabiki sweetly suggested, smirking as she looked at Itomimizu.

The Foxy Pirates' commentator literally shook the stunned look off of his face, hesitantly raising his transceiver to his mouth. "Uh... in a surprise upset, the Kamikaze Pirates have won the match! The third and final round of this Davy Back Fight goes to Lady Ranma Saotome, with two victories, one loss!"

The Kamikazes let out whoops of delight, Shampoo flinging her arms around Ranma and squeezing the smaller half-girl in delight. Even Ryoga grinned and let out a soft chuckle of triumph at their victory.

Minutes later...

Ranma looked across the assembled crowd of pirates, her gaze bouncing between the two obvious choices.

'Dyna, or Miriam? I can only take one... but which of them? Who to pick...?'

Foxy began tapping his foot, arms folded across his ample belly. "Well, kid? You gonna keep us waiting all day?"

"I'm thinkin' it over!" Ranma snapped back. Her eyes went from the robot to the wotan and back again, weighing up her options before she sighed softly to herself.

"I choose Dyna! C'mon back to us!" she cried, pointing at the steam-powered gynoid.

Her sole eye flashed, before there was a great hiss from her joints, steam spurting from her stacks as she rose from the sandy soil and scuttled like a spider over to join them.

"Your choice is illogical. Why?" she bluntly demanded.

"Because you're part of the crew. I wasn't going to let you just rust with these clowns," Ranma replied, ignoring the indignant "Hey!" from Foxy.

"...Illogical," was the fembot's simple reply, before she skittered off to the rest of her crewmates.

"Now she's a real cold fish, surprised you were so eager to have her back," Foxy commented, watching her go.

"I don't intend to lose any of my crew," Ranma declared, folding her arms over her chest.

"Issat so? Well, then I guess you'll accept one last Davy Back Fight, huh?!" Foxy challenged her, stabbing an accusatory finger in Ranma's face.

Ranma blinked in surprise. "Uh... yeah? But, why are you offering me the challenge?"

"Did you see what your stupid game did to my crew?! Look at them! They'll be days healing those injuries - did you think I was just gonna let that go?!" Foxy demanded, nostrils flaring and eyes boring holes into Ranma, finger still upheld in the same gesture as before.

"You could have just backed out," Ranma pointed out.

"We have our pride!" Foxy roared in response. Then he shifted from pointing at Ranma to pointing at himself... more specifically, at the teeth marks still very visible in his swollen nose. "Also, you hit me in the face with a fish! I want payback, kid!"

"Well, if you put it that way... three coin game? Last round a Captain's Match?" Ranma suggested, smirking in the way she just knew drove her opponents wild with rage.

"You're on!" Foxy thundered.

And so, once again, twin pistol shots rang out across the cove.

Shortly afterwards...

"Once again, folks, we gather for the ongoing Davy Back Fight between the Kamikaze Pirates and the Foxy Pirates! After a crushing defeat in a three-round game this morning, the Kamikazes made a surprise comeback in the follow-up, with two victories, one loss! With two of their crewmates now still sworn to the Foxy Flag, the Kamikazes have been given one last chance - but our boss's generosity has its limits! This will officially be the last Davy Back Fight of the day; any Kamikazes still sworn to our flag after this fight will be ours to keep!"

"And now it's time for the first game; the Deadeye Duel! This perennial favorite couldn't be simpler; take two teams of three, give 'em all paint bullets, put them on opposite sides of a convenient field of obstacles - this local forest, in this match - and then turn 'em loose! You get shot, you're outta the game - last team with a man standing, wins!"

"And now, let's meet our teams! Representing the Foxy Pirates, we have our idol Porche, Donovan of the shipwrights, and the lightning-footed zoan, Chicicheetah! Facing them are the Kamikaze Pirates; Kodachi Kuno, Shampoo, and Ukyo Kuonji, eager to take part at long last!"

Ukyo snorted as she carefully checked the mechanics of her borrowed pistol for the third time. "You bet your oversized sparrow I am..."

"Ukyo channel that anger; we make these fools pay..." Shampoo growled, testing to make sure her hybrid form's fingers would fit through the pistol trigger.

"Remember; be cautious! They'll doubtlessly have tried to rig the forest with traps and even hidden gunners," Kodachi reminded them.

"Cheatin' bastards... well, no more Miss Nice Girl," Ukyo snarled, slapping her pistol against her palm.

"We stay quick, stay mobile, stay fierce; they no know what hit them!" Shampoo vowed.

The sudden roar of a cannon from the coastline, Itomimizu confirming its purpose as he circled overhead, and there was no more time for words. The three martial artists vanished into motion, three blurs weaving through the trees as they surged towards where they knew the Foxy Pirates' starting zone to be.

Minutes later...

Donovan rolled the carpenter's nails he kept forever tucked in the corner of his mouth, one part practicality and one part of his ongoing effort to give up smoking. The metallic taste on his tongue was strangely soothing, something he needed as he found himself straining his ears for every creak and rustle... something not helped by about half a dozen of his fellow shipwrights trying to conceal themselves in the densest patches of underbrush around him.

'C'mon, where are these girls...?' he wondered, making sure to look up as he scanned for the slightest sign of movement. 'I paid attention in these matches; these girls are good in the air, and this is just the sort of place to put that to use!'

He stepped forward, and heard a new sound. The distinct crackling crunch of glass breaking underfoot.

'What the...?'

And then he found himself engulfed in a thick cloud of noisome fumes, swallowed by a miasma whose stench simply defied description. It dug aetherial claws into his nostrils and clawed at his tongue, making him gag and spit and retch, bile flooding his mouth in sheer nausea. He was barely aware of his backup in similar straits, instead struggling to make his way out of the foul mist. The need for fresh air so consumed him that he was oblivious to the sound of gunfire, focused on dredging up every last ounce of energy he could to propel himself out of the cloying vapor.

Finally, blessedly, he stumbled out of the range of the scent bomb and fell to all fours, retching noisily as his stomach emptied itself onto the forest floor. He was just getting his gag reflex under control again and queasily wiping off his lips with his forearm when a new sound pierced the fog of his consciousness: a soft click that somehow dripped menace.

Donovan's head snapped up, and he froze, sweat beading his face as he realized he was staring up the barrel of a cocked pistol.

On the other end of the weapon, Kodachi smiled as sweetly as a girl seeing her crush.

"You boys should have played fair," she told him, her soft voice full of gentle reprimand. Then she pulled the trigger, and darkness rose to swallow Donovan whole as the paint bullet caught him squarely in the forehead.

Now, the munitions weren't designed to be lethal! But they still packed a fair bit of punch from sheer momentum, so a close-ranged shot to the head like that meant instant unconsciousness.

Meanwhile...

Chiqicheetah sniffed the air, nostrils flaring as the cheetah zoan quested for scents that didn't belong.

'I may be built for plains and scrub, not these forests, but I still have a predator's nose! They can be as quick and quiet as they like - they can't hide from me!'

Even as the thought flashed through his head, something lit up in the part of his brain that handled interpreting scent. The delicious scent of rabbit, merged in some unnatural way with the acrid stink of a lesser cat, and overlaid with faint hints of woman - lavender, honeysuckle, soap and that indescribable cocktail of pheromones that, to a zoan, just screamed "female".

Cheetahs couldn't technically smile. Which just made the way that Chiqicheetah's lips curled all the more frightful to behold. Powerful if wiry muscles bunched under his coat as he surged forward - not the true explosive acceleration that his beast form enabled, but still an impressive turn of speed with surprisingly little noise.

Which left him all the more surprised when a paint bullet caught him painfully in the ribs, the shock causing him to misstep, which in turn brought him tripping over and sent him crashing through the undergrowth in a manner that could be likened to a racecar trying and failing to take a too-tight turn... if racecars existed on the Grand Line.

His tumbling came to a sudden and painful stop as he slammed into a very solid tree trunk. Luckily, zoans were built tough, even those with animals more known for speed than heartiness, so Chiqicheetah remained conscious. He shook the stars from his eyes, only to feel three more paint bullets catch him in the torso - hard enough to be painful, but not seriously damaging. Opening his eyes, he saw his opponent seated on a branch high in the canopy, grinning a feral grin and giving him a cheeky wave with one hand, the other brandishing a still-smoking pistol and making it clear she was ready to shoot again.

Chiqicheetah wilted like a cut rose on a scorching hot day, flopping onto his belly, dropping his head between his forepaws, and huffing in dismay.

And elsewhere...

'Between Donovan's teamwork and Chiqicheetah's speed, this should be in the bag! My Flower Hypnosis is just the icing on the cake - sounds like they already bagged two of these silly pirate girls already. I just need to find the last one,' Porche mused to herself as she slipped between the trees with cat burglar-like skills.

'Hmm... I wonder who the boss'll pick when we win? That zoan might be a brute, but she's got the skills. And that Kodachi girl... she might actually fit in; the rest of these kids are too goody-goody to be proper pirates?!'

The Foxy Pirates' second in command let out a girlish shriek of fear as something suddenly fastened around her leg and yanked her bodily up into the air, whipping her around so fast that she fumbled and dropped her precious baton in the process.

"...Wow. I knew I set up these traps for a reason, but still, the old skyward noose-snare? I honestly didn't expect that one to work."

Porche gritted her teeth and did her best to glare down her nose despite being upside down as Ukyo materialized out of the shadows of a tree.

'I walked right past that - how'd I not see her?!'

Unfortunately, Ukyo didn't seem inclined to explain anything; she just leveled her pistol and shot Porche in the chest. At least she showed her opponent a small mercy and aimed below (well, technically above given their relative positions) Porche's ample bosom - that would have stung!

And thus ended the first match...

"Miriam, come on back!"

In a few titanic steps, the grinning halfbreed had crossed the gap between her temporary crew and was back amongst her true crewmates once more, all of them smiling in welcome. Harumi pushed past his contemporaries and leapt high into the air, literally running up Miriam's forward-reaching arm to throw his arms around her neck... well, as much of that as he could reach, at least.

"Since when are they so comfy about cuddling in front of us?" Ranma quietly whispered to Ryoga.

"They decided they were gonna stop hiding after the beauty contest," her rival turned first mate muttered softly back, causing Ranma's eyes to widen before she nodded in understanding.

Time for round two...

"And after a victory in the previous round, the Kamikaze Pirates have only a single crewmate left taken - will they recover their co-captain, or will the Foxy Pirates reverse their stunning upset?! The name of the game is Blind Man's Blunder! Our helpful shipwrights have created this handy dandy maze, which six competitors, three from each crew, must attempt to navigate blindfolded! If any non-competitor sets foot in the maze, touches a player, or hits them with a projectile, the guilty crew's team is automatically disqualified! Instead, their crewmates must cheer on their players and try to guide them through the twists, turns and traps of the maze!"

"For this match, Ryoga Hibiki, Dyna, and Harumi Tsukuyomi will face off against Foxy, Porche, and Chiqicheetah! Everybody ready? Get set! GO!"

The air filled with cheers, laughs and shouted instructions as the sextet of competitors began their march into the maze, reaching out to feel their way by handling the walls as they went.

Ranma, forced to remain on the Foxy side of the maze, couldn't help turning to one of the men at his side and asking, "Doesn't this seem like a rather kiddy game for a bunch of pirates?"

"Hey, when you get down to it, a lot of pirates are overgrown kids! The whole point of these Davy Back Fights is to have fun!" The man, one of the Foxy Pirates' shipwrights explained, before turning his attention back to the maze, shouting encouragement to Foxy, only to wince as his captain tripped over something and fell flat on his face.

"Go left! Left! I said left! No, don't turn around that far, you're going back the way you came?!" screamed a Foxy Pirate to Ranma's left. He sighed hugely, and then turned to Ranma.

"What's the deal with that Ryoga guy?!" he demanded, and Ranma couldn't help but laugh at the exasperation on his face.

"Oh, don't waste your breath trying to direct Ryoga! Idiot couldn't find his own butt with both hands and a roadmap," Ranma explained to him.

"I'll say - he's been going in circles for five minutes now!" Interjected a third Foxy Pirate, and a glance showed that was exactly the case.

"Why would you keep that guy on your crew?" The first man asked in obvious exasperation.

Ranma shrugged nonchalantly. "Charity, mostly."

A sudden mighty crunch and the eyes of his conversational companions going wide in shock caused him to give a wicked smile and add, "It helps that he's ridiculously strong and tough, though."

Fun had, he turned his attention back to the maze.

'Honestly? This is actually kind of fun. The most obvious cheats have been ruled out, so all they can really do is try and trick the other team's players into going the wrong way, an' that's... not really workin' out so well for 'em...'

Trying to direct Ryoga was, after all, like trying to empty a well with a sieve. Harumi still had all the goodwill he'd built up by winning the Pick-a-Pretty Pirate game, so few if any of the Foxy Pirates were inclined to misdirect him. That just left Dyna, and... well, she wasn't exactly easy to fool. In fact, the fembot was surging through the maze like a giant iron spider, moving with uncanny ease.

'She got some kind'a special extra sensors or somethin'? Don't hurt that bein' made of metal has its own advantage - oooh!'

Ranma winced as a beartrap suddenly snapped onto one of Dyna's legs, the squeal of metal on metal filling the air and making his teeth ache. Not that it stopped Dyna... in fact, it didn't even slow her down; she just kept scuttling right on, ripping the chain free of where it was bolted to the wall and clanking on with it still attached to her leg.

"What asshole put that in there? Somebody could'a gotten hurt!" complained a random Foxy Pirate behind him, causing Ranma to do a double take.

Pushing the questions now raised aside, Ranma turned his attention to the Foxy Pirates competing. Porche had the most luck; as the crew's resident idol, people were falling over themselves to shout encouragement, easily drowning out the comparatively meager voices of his own Kamikaze crewmates when they tried to shout misdirections to her. Chiqicheetah was left to fend for himself, the zoan pausing intermittently to sniff the air and evidently trying to guide himself to the virtue of his superhuman sense of smell. And that left Foxy to stumble around on his own... and whilst his crewmates were trying to help, they were more focused on Porche, and so the captain was largely left to his own devices. Which was proving rather painful, as he seemed to have a strange knack for running right into the traps.

Ranma winced as Foxy walked right into a slick patch of oil and fell right on his face. Then he pulled a rope as he clambered to his feet and dropped a small weight on his head. Then he staggered into a wall that turned out to be a rotating door and flipped him around into an entirely new part of the maze... where he stepped on a trip-plate that caused a frying pan to swing right into his face.

'This is starting to feel less karmic and more mean...'

Honestly, compared to some of the other 'games' that Ranma had seen or partaken in that day, Blind Man's Blunder was surprisingly tame. It was the kind of spectacle that was a lot simpler to talk about than it was to watch.

Ryoga somehow being the first one to reach the finish line surprised even him, though...

Soon afterwards...

As the now-familiar drumroll filled the air, Ryoga stepped forward to face the scowling Captain Foxy, who had his arms folded and was tapping the fingers of one hand on his bicep.

"Where is she?! She won the last game, it's her turn to pick a reward!" barked the older captain.

"Uh... yeah, about that. She's actually... busy. She ate something that didn't agree with her and... yeah, it's kinda messy. She told me to pick for her, since I'm first mate and all," Ryoga explained.

"I object!" bellowed Foxy, who looked livid.

"Hey, c'mon, you knew she was going to just ask for her...brother... back! It can't be that big a deal I'm picking in her place!" Ryoga snapped back, genuinely frustrated at this point.

"That's not the problem!" Foxy cried.

"...Then what?!" A confused Ryoga demanded.

"I object to you asserting that she caught something nasty off of our food! We Foxy Pirates take great pride in the quality of our chefs!" Foxy snapped, scowling thunderously down his long nose and jabbing a finger into Ryoga's chest.

Ryoga simply stared at the older captain, because, really, what did you say in the face of a complaint like that?

'...He's mad. I mean, we're all mad, but he's madder than we are!' Ryoga finally decided.

"Uh, no, it's not that she ate something bad, it's just, well, she's got this little problem with cheese and I told her not to get those nacho fries..." Ryoga stammered, trying to come up with a convincing lie to cover the first lie he'd told.

Suddenly, Foxy was all smiles. "Oh, is that all? Well, that's alright then - that's on her, not my men."

'...And that's your priority?! How the heck did we ever lose to this jerk?' Ryoga wondered, staring at Foxy in open amazement. Then he shook his head as he tried to clear his thoughts.

"A-anyway! On behalf of Captain Ranma Saotome, I pick her... brother... Ranma Saotome!" He declared, as loudly and as firmly as he possibly could.

Minutes later...

Ranma closed the door to the changing room behind herself and sighed softly. 'That was a close one! Officially crossing back to my crew as myself, then getting out of sight to turn into a girl, then back inta the crowd to be "discovered" and led here... that could'a gone so wrong! But, now, let's see what we have here...'

Unlike the last time, when Ranma had glanced over the various wigs, costumes and other apparel and dismissed it, the transformed boy began deliberately combing through the gear on offer.

'I mean, what are the odds? Probably not good... hello! Spoke too soon! ...Sorta!'

Eagerly, she snatched up her prize, and then resumed searching with greater enthusiasm. Sadly, nothing further in line with what she was looking for presented itself, and she sighed.

'Ah well, at least I found this! Okay you cheatin' bastard - time for round two! In fact...'

She reached for the cup of tea she'd managed to buy from a wandering vendor before being hustled aboard the Sexy Foxy. The smile she wore would have sent a chill down even Kodachi's spine.

'Let's go all the way with that...'

Round Three. Fight!

"Well, it's been one hell of a day, ladies and gentleman, but it all comes down to this; the Captain's Match! After crashing and burning in a spectacular three straight losses, the underdog Kamikaze Pirates have bounced back, and clawed back all the crewmates they lost - but can their luck hold out? It's the Slow-Slow Slugger versus the Red Haired Renegade in an anything-goes fight to the finish! Who will be victorious?!"

"And now, you know him, you love him, it's our boss, Silver Fox Foxy!"

The cheers from the Foxy Pirates were deafening, and the Kamikaze Pirates collectively muffled their ears to spare their hearing.

"And in this corner, the Kamikaze Pirates own Ranma - What the hell!?"

The reason for Itomimizu's unprofessional outburst was evident as the artificial fog faded away, revealing the grinning form of a very male Ranma Saotome. Nabiki quickly snapped as many photos as she could of the look on Foxy's face. And of the deliciously topless form of Ranma, of course.

Ranma smirked wickedly at his opponent, whose eyes seemed about ready to pop out of his skull. "Ready for round two, ya old fart?"

"I'm only thirty-seven!" roared the opposing captain, face red with rage and steam puffing from his nostrils.

"Ooh, touched a nerve, huh?" Ranma jeered.

"Whuh-Whatever - I got more important things! Like, what the hell are you doing here?! This is a Captain's Match! I'm supposed to be fighting Captain Ranma Saotome!" Foxy protested, doing his best to point an accusatory finger at Ranma with his boxing glove in the way.

"And you are! We never specified which Captain Saotome would be dueling you!" Ranma cheekily replied, grinning his most infuriating grin as he did so.

A series of expressions washed over Foxy's face at Ranma's words. Outrage, confusion, contemplation, realization and then finally amusement. He threw back his head and roared with laughter... well, as much as a laugh like his could be roared, anyway.

"You got balls and brains, kid! I just might have to take you back after I - Slow-Slow-Beam!"

He whipped his hand around and launched his now-familiar energy blast attack. But Ranma didn't dodge it. Instead, he simply held up a hand and caught the attack, which fractured into whirling beads of light that scattered in all directions, an effect similar to spraying a hose into someone's palm.

"What the HELL?!" shrieked Foxy, Itomimizu echoing him from his position atop Chirpchirp.

"Surprise! One thing you should'a known about us; we pay very close attention in a fight! Once I knew about your little trick - and that it could be reflected by mirrors - it was easy to prepare a counter-measure," Ranma bragged, a sadistic grin spread wide across his face.

Then it faded out, to be replaced by a genuinely baffled expression.

"Though, seriously; why do you even have rhinestone-encrusted boxing gloves?!" he demanded, opening and closing the palm of the shimmering, mirror-faceted glove he had used to block Foxy's Slow-Slow Beam.

The older pirate captain visibly wilted, shoulders slumping and head hanging low in shame. "Trust me; that's a long story that I don't want to tell and you don't want to hear..."

"Oh... um... 'kay?" Ranma hesitantly replied, scratching the back of his head uncertainly.

"Ah-hah!"

Ranma immediately swung his hand around in a devastating blow that smashed the projectile Foxy had lobbed at him to pieces. Which allowed the contents of what in retrospect was a golfball-sized glass sphere, namely finely ground pepper, to envelop him in a burning, choking, stinging cloud. He hacked and coughed, gagged and spluttered, wiping at his watering eyes until the wind finally dispersed it and allowed him the chance to recover.

He wasn't surprised in the slightest to see that he was now alone atop the Sexy Foxy's figurehead.

"Well, you definitely ain't a one-trick pony!" he cried, even as he surged forward to leap between the figurehead's massive ears and down to the main deck behind it.

...And of course, no sooner had he landed than he found himself at the epicenter of a maelstrom of arrows that were visibly inching towards the exact spot where he stood.

"Oh shit!"

Another mighty leap saw Ranma safely out of the arrow's range, right as they exploded into life; even he would have been hard-pressed to deflect, dodge or catch them all had he remained at ground zero.

"Fehfehfehfehfehfeh!"

Ranma put up his fists defensively, ready to shield himself from Foxy's Slow-Slow Beam as the Silver Fox slowly rose into view, riding with deceptive grace atop a slow-motion cannonball, which itself was just one of a whole swarm of such Devil Fruit-altered projectiles.

"I didn't get the chance to say this last time, but welcome to the Sexy Foxy! To tell the truth, I'm almost a little grateful you figured out the Slow-Slow Beam; this time, I'll show you what I can really do!" Foxy vowed, puffing out his chest proudly.

"...You're not expecting me to follow you onto those cannonballs floating around you, right?" Ranma asked dryly.

His opponent's face fell so hard and fast that he nearly fell off of his cannonball. "How'd you - oh shit!"

Foxy barely leapt to safety in time as the cannonball he was riding regained its normal temporal flow and went rocketing skyward. The rest of the cannonballs likewise regained their true velocity and proceeded to zip around the Sexy Foxy like some nightmare pinball machine of death, resulting in cascading explosions as they struck various parts of the ship and detonated.

Ranma actually winced sympathetically at the cacophony. "Sheesh, that's gonna be a pain to fix..."

"Fehfehfehfeh! Don'ta worry about it, kid! The Sexy Foxy's tougher than she looks, and we got a great team of shipwrights; we can be as wild as we like!"

Foxy's voice came echoing through the swirls of smoke, and Ranma immediately assumed a defensive posture, waiting for the next attack.

"Which means I don't need to worry about using this! Slow-Slow Foxy Face Bomb Cannon!"

Ranma whirled to face his foe as Foxy emerged from the smoke, now toting a strangely shaped cannon. The familiar rings of Foxy's Devil Fruit-granted energy wreathed the barrel before it fired, emitting a wobbling stream of... well, Ranma could only describe them as cannonballs that had somehow been wrought in the shape of Foxy's own facial features, each emitting a mechanized replica of Foxy's own laughter. It was a sight (and sound) that would have been creepy on its own, but the fact it had been slowed down to a physical and audible crawl just somehow made it easily five times worse.

"Cute trick, but I got some moves of my own!"

Arcs of crimson energy began to form between Ranma's cupped palms, filling the air with a sizzling crackle as they popped and flickered. Beads of sweat burst out over Ranma's skin, making him glisten as the air around him heated to scorching levels. The pulsing energy surged, seethed and finally roared to life in an incandescent ball of bright red flames.

"Red...Sun!" Ranma roared, thrusting his hands forward and launching the fiery ki blast forward like a comet straight on an intercept course with the first Foxy face bomb.

The sphere of plasma collided with the thin metal of the modified cannonball and washed over it, superheating it to the point that the gunpowder within spontaneously combusted. Though it only had enough force to engulf four or five of the bombs before it faded, that caused a chain of detonations that visibly rippled up the line, the heat of each explosion igniting the bomb behind it as well.

"What the hell?!" screamed Foxy, too shocked by Ranma's move to run. Which wasn't the brightest decision, as it meant he got smacked squarely in the face with the combined explosions once their personal time-flow reverted to normal. He was lifted from his feet and carried across the deck, slamming into a wall with enough force to blow him straight through it.

Ranma panted harshly, sucking in lungfuls of air in an effort to cool himself off, shimmering waves of heat radiating off of him like he was a human furnace.

'Finally stopped burnin' myself with the damn thing... next, I gotta work on the heat tolerance. I can get it hotter, but it's a question of how much I can take before dishin' it out!'

Wiping some of the excess sweat from his brow, he puffed out his chest and posed triumphantly.

"Not so tough without your silly little tricks, are ya?" He mockingly called to Foxy.

Suddenly, the floor under Ranma's gave way and he plunged downwards with a startled yell.

"You ain't even seen my tricks yet, kid!" came Foxy's mocking call as Ranma plunged into darkness.

The young martial artist instinctively thrust out with all four limbs, trying to arrest his descent by clinging to the surface of the pit's walls. Only problem: there weren't any walls - he was dropping through open space! This must have been the next floor down from the top-deck... not that Ranma had any real time to contemplate that before he found himself falling into something rounded and metallic.

'What the hell's this supposed to be?!'

He got his answer when the roar of an explosion at close-range temporarily deafened him, concussive force propelling him back upwards as the cannon he'd fallen into fired, using him as a human bullet. Ranma hurtled back up into the air through the trapdoor he'd fallen down... and right into the path of a Slow-Slow Beam!

Ranma swore profusely, as best he could when his whole body was trapped in slow-motion, especially as the jittering, juddering blur of Foxy zipped into view.

"Nine Tails Rush!"

Ranma had taken his share of beatings in the past. But there was nothing to compare to the experience of the Nine Tails Rush, especially when the Slow-Slow Fruit wore off and the blows all struck him at once. Defenseless, all he could do was grit his teeth and bear it, the weight of dozens of blows striking him at once batting him around like a ragdoll before the collective momentum hurled him across the deck. He struck the floor and rolled to a stop, groaning as he felt the bruises already forming even through his toughened hide.

"FEHfehfehfehfeh! How'd you like those apples, kid?!" Foxy chortled.

Ranma pushed himself to his feet and then spat on the deck, scowling at the crimson tinge to his spittle and the coppery taste in his mouth from where his teeth had cut the inside of his cheek.

"Alright. Well, I didn't want this to be over too quickly anyway," Ranma declared, burning gaze leveled squarely at Foxy.

The Devil Fruit user grinned a crooked grin in response. "I was thinking just the same thing!"

For several long moments, they stared each other down, waiting to see who would move first. It was Foxy who made the first move, trying to launch a Slow-Slow Beam at Ranma in hopes of catching him again as he had done before. But this time, Ranma was aware and facing him; rhinestone-encrusted glove thrust out to disperse the beam of Devil Fruit-spawned light, scattering slow-mo photons harmlessly before him, Ranma exploded towards his opponent like a human missile.

But Foxy hadn't won those nine hundred and twenty bouts entirely through cheating. The former boxer ducked below a haymaker that would probably have knocked him clean out, and fired a Slow-Slow Beam right into Ranma's stomach. Rather than stay and give Ranma another Nine Tails Rush, though, he fled through a nearby door, disappearing into the dark depths of the Sexy Foxy.

Thirty seconds later, Ranma stumbled as he regained his natural progress through time, and cast a baleful glance at the yawning darkness beyond the door.

'Who knows what tricks 'n' traps he'll have on his home turf? I could just set fire to the ship... but even for a duel between pirates, that's just bein' a poor sport. Still, he's got all those crew of his to house an' berth, so he can't get too fancy with the traps, right?'

With no other real choice, Ranma headed down the steps into the ship's interior, every sense straining for the telltale sign of trap or ambush.

At the bottom of the stairs lay a veritable labyrinth of chambers and corridors; Ranma had only briefly been exposed to the interior of the massive ship during his brief time as an official member of the Foxy Pirates, and it certainly hadn't prepared him to go searching for one man in the maze.

'Sheesh, I could be down here for hours looking for that old rat!' Ranma thought to himself.

Even as the thought crossed his mind, he spotted a door that was slightly ajar, and he crept towards it, cautiously inching it open to peer inside. His caution paid off when he spotted the tripline just inside.

'Hah, you gotta do better than that!' He smirked to himself, stepping deliberately over it and into the room proper. He took four solid strides... and then felt something catch on his ankle.

"Ah, son of a-!"

Ranma's curse was cut short as a weight hit his head. It wasn't so much heavy as momentarily disorientating... especially as the impact tore open the surprisingly fragile container and spilled its contents into the air around Ranma. The young martial artist was engulfed in a swirling cloud of white dust, which made him gag and choke as it flooded his mouth and turned into a cloying paste.

"Ptooie! Yuck! Flour?!" Ranma managed to splutter as he desperately tried to wave the mess from his face.

"Fehfehfeh..."

Through the haze, Ranma spotted a small glow being hurled in his direction, bemusement giving way to sinking resignation...

'Oh yeah. Flour's flammable, ain't it?'

And then there was pain. That tiny spark set off the floating flour like it was gunpowder, enveloping Ranma in flames and concussive force as it detonated. Fortunately, Ranma had developed something of a tolerance for burning over the past month, so the end result was that he was left blackened and scorched, ears ringing from being at the epicenter of the explosion, but far more annoyed than hurt.

There was, of course, no sign of Foxy.

Ranma sighed and slowly rolled his head from side to side, causing audible cracks as he popped his vertebrae.

'That does it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. You wanna play rough, old fart? Okay, I can play that game.'

Closing his eyes, Ranma took a deep breath and tentatively reached out. Whilst the true masters of the martial arts could reach out and find an individual by their aura alone from a great distance, Ranma was nowhere near those lofty heights, even after a month of trying to refine and hone his ki manipulating abilities through trial, error and the Saotome tradition of "throw mud at the wall and see what sticks". But that didn't mean he was a complete novice, either...

Something stirred within Ranma; deeper than conscious thought, closer to instinct than anything. Letting the impulse guide him, Ranma's eyes snapped open and he sprinted in the direction that "felt right". When his path brought him to a wall, he simply smashed through it without breaking stride. When obstacles reared in his path, he jumped over, wove around, or simply bulldozed through, in a manner that even Ryoga would grudgingly admit was effective - if not executed as well as Ryoga would have done.

The sounds of smashing wood and things breaking echoed through the ship, a distant rumble in Ranma's ears as he gave himself to the subconscious urging, accelerating on his path of destruction. Then, through the haze, he heard something that made him grin wickedly.

"What the hell is he doing?! I know I said we could go wild, but I didn't mean he should wreck my ship!"

"Found you!" Ranma snarled, already veering in the direction he had heard his enemy's voice. He exploded through the wall, splinters of wood and dust forming a corona around him as he locked eyes with the startled Foxy, who screamed like a little girl.

To Foxy's credit, he also immediately raised his hand to fire a Slow-Slow Beam, but it was too late. Ranma caught the beam on his reflective glove, even as the other crashed into Foxy's jaw like a meteor, spinning the older pirate around and sending him staggering several steps back. And that was when Ranma pounced.

"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!"

Ranma rained blows down on the defenseless Foxy, filling the air with the sickeningly meaty sound of fists impacting on flesh. Dozens of strikes became hundreds of punches before Ranma finally took pity and ended his assault. Foxy staggered back, swaying heavily from side to side, looking ready to fall over... and then suddenly planted his foot firmly on the deck, stiffened his spine, and stood up straight. His firsts curled into the trademark boxer's defensive pose, and he glared defiantly at Ranma, one eye already blackening.

"Got another in ya, kid?" Foxy declared, spitting blood to the side.

Before the surprised Ranma could respond, Foxy suddenly launched himself back at Ranma, screaming, "Nine Tails Rush!"

The older pirate's fists came like a hailstorm. Ranma immediately countered with his Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken to block, dodge and parry. To his surprise, even without the boost of his Slow-Slow Beam, Foxy was legitimately fast; if it hadn't been for the hard grind of physical training Ranma had done over the previous weeks, he would have needed to focus entirely on defending himself.

...But Ranma had spent those hard, grueling weeks training, pushing himself to his limits, working tirelessly at getting harder, better, faster, stronger. After the initial surprise, he pushed back; he grabbed Foxy's wrists, trapping the boxer's hands, and delivered an Amaguriken-powered volley of kicks squarely into the pirate's midriff. (The tactic momentarily reminding him of that long-ago duel with Ryoga.)

Completely defenseless, unable to block or dodge, Foxy could only endure the brutal pummelling. His eyes bulged and blood sprayed from his mouth, splattering against Ranma's cheek. The younger pirate instinctively yelped in disgust, simultaneously releasing Foxy's wrists whilst delivering a last powerful kick that launched him across the room and clean through the wall on the far side.

Grimacing, Ranma wiped the smear off of his face, breathing slightly hard from the exertion of using that volley-kick technique.

"Well... Guess that's my win," he declared mildly, turning to look for the door.

"It's... not over... yet! Slow-Slow Beam!"

Ranma hurled himself to the side, twisting in mid-air as the coruscating stream of ring-shaped energy waves rushed through the air where he had been. Even as he touched back down, his hands were raised to ward off a future beam as he took in the sight before him.

Foxy stood in the hole he had been kicked through... well, "stood" was perhaps being generous, given he was visibly leaning on one broken edge to keep from falling over. Bruises were already visibly darkening his half-naked stomach, and his chest heaved like a set of bellows. Blood dribbled down the sides of his mouth, and one eye was almost swollen shut, but he still had an arm outstretched in Ranma's direction.

"...Okay, seriously old man, it's time to give it up," Ranma told him, impressed despite himself.

"Nuh-No... Not again... Not gonna lose..." Foxy slurred, his one good eye staring off into space... Then it snapped towards Ranma, blazing with focused madness. "Slow-Slow Beam! Slow-Slow Beam! Beam! Beam! BEAM!"

Light poured from Foxy's outstretched glove like liquid as he hosed down the room, desperately trying to catch Ranma in the area of effect. Ranma exploded into action; realizing a frontal assault was foolish, he instead leapt straight up, punching through the roof. His feet had barely touched the floor above before he shot forward, smashing through a wall and then twisting a hundred-eighty degrees before stomping into the floor, diving back down to the level from whence he had came. Foxy was still there, having only just made it halfway into the room that Ranma had vacated. The Devil Fruit user pivoted desperately, but he was just too slow.

"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!"

Once more, Ranma rained down blows on the older fighter, targeting vulnerable spots with merciless efficiency. Foxy didn't just take it, however, instead trying desperately to counter-attack with his Nine Tails Rush. To his credit, he scored a few blows, but they were largely glancing, lucky strikes; Ranma was faster, and had the initiative.

It had to be a full minute later before Ranma finally stopped, panting from exertion. Foxy was just a mass of bruises all over his body, both eyes swollen shut. Blood and saliva bubbled and dripped over his bottom lip as he swayed and then finally collapsed, pitching forward like a felled tree.

Instinctively, Ranma caught the older pirate and lowered him gently to the floor, checking to make sure he was still breathing and unconscious... not necessarily in that order, though.

"...I gotta admit, old man; you were tougher than I expected," Ranma admitted in the silence that now swallowed the room, save for the distant clatter of falling debris. He looked around for a moment, weighing his options, and then bent down and picked up Foxy, slinging him over his shoulder like a sack of rice before heading back to the top deck.

Fortunately, it was quite easy to retrace his steps, and soon he was emerging into the bright light of day, where Itomimizu was anxiously flittering about atop Chirpchirp.

"Oh! Somebody's finally coming out onto the deck at long last - it's... oh my gods! I don't believe it! It's Ranma Saotome! He's carrying our boss on his shoulders - he's beaten Foxy!"

"Yeah, so maybe you wanna call this so you can get your medics here to patch him up?" Ranma sarcastically called back to the dumbstruck commentator, largely tuning out the cries of shock, disbelief and grief pouring from the assembled Foxy Pirates.

"Oh, right! Uh... this match goes to Ranma Saotome, which means the Kamikaze Pirates have won the Davy Back Fight! MEDIC!"

Ranma gently placed Foxy on the deck and then began walking away, even as he could see people in doctor's coats and Foxy Pirate masks swarming to reach their fallen boss.

That evening...

"Y'know, you don't have to be here, you should be resting," Ranma said. The two pirate crews had gathered on the beach as the setting sun stained the sky red. At the front of the mournful Foxy Pirates, a heavily-bandaged Foxy was being carried on a stretcher, wrapped in a blanket and an icebag sitting on his head.

"The only way I wouldn't be here for this is if you killed me, Ranma Saotome," came the matter-of-fact reply, which would have sounded cooler coming from a guy whose face didn't look like raw hamburger.

"Now, make your choice!" he spat bitterly.

"Right... my choice..." Ranma muttered, rubbing the back of his head as he looked over the huge crowd of pirates gathered before him.

'Sheesh, I don't really want to take any of his guys... aside from anything else, they really seem to like him! Just feels cruel draggin' 'em off with me...'

"Captain darling, may I have a word?" Kodachi suddenly asked, punctuating her words with a gentle nudge to Ranma's ribs.

"Huh? Oh, sure, Kodachi - what is it?" Ranma asked, turning to face his helmsman.

Kodachi bent upwards and whispered into Ranma's ear. His eyes went wide and he grinned for a moment, then hastily schooled his features back into a professional blandness. The Foxy Pirates saw it, though, judging by the looks on their faces growing even more depressed or sour.

Ranma cleared his throat, then pointed dramatically. "As winner of this final Davy Back Fight, I, Captain Ranma Saotome, demand as my prize... your Jolly Roger!"

Silence hung over the beach like a shroud for several long moments, before the disbelieving bellow of "What?!" nearly blew Ranma and his crewmates over.

"The winner of a Davy Back Fight match can pick what he likes from the opposing crew, right? Well, I pick your Jolly Roger as my prize! You can never again fly that flag - instead, you must fly a flag that Kodachi here will draw, until and unless you can defeat us and take your Jolly Roger back!" Ranma shouted, using the words that Kodachi had whispered in his ear.

"You want... but... oh, very well, fine! It's not like it could be much worse than what Straw Hat drew," Foxy grumbled sourly.

Minutes later...

"...Oh my gods, it's beautiful!" Sobbed the captain of the Foxy Pirates, his crewmates either awestruck or visibly weeping at their new Jolly Roger and its mirror image on their sails, which now flapped jauntily in the breeze.

On the traditional plain black background had been drawn a standard skull and crossbones. However, the skull was wearing one of the more elaborate Foxy Pirate masks, the one with the faux-ears that were raised behind the top of the head. In the left, right and bottom intersections were three golden coins, each adorned with a strange character.

"What're those funny marks on the coins?" Porche wondered aloud.

"Oh-hohohho! Those are holy symbols! They represent the gods Poseidon of the sea, Nike of victory, and Bacchus of festivals; your patrons!" Kodachi bragged proudly.

"Why would you give us this?!" Foxy demanded in visible disbelief.

"You don't like it?" Ranma playfully responded, feigning dismay.

"Don't be stupid, I love it! But still, why give us such an awesome new Jolly Roger?!" the Silver Fox insisted.

"Well, why not? We agreed to the Davy Back Fight because we thought it'd be fun. And, even if those first wins of yours were cheap, this was a pretty fun day," Ranma declared, though he couldn't help but scowl briefly at the memory of the first Davy Back Fight they'd held.

"Not to mention that old Jolly Roger of yours was an eyesore and an offense to the sea," Kodachi darkly proclaimed, scowling thunderously."

"It wasn't my choice!" Foxy defensively protested. "But anyway... I never thought I'd say this, kid, but... thank you. Who knows? It's a wide sea, maybe we'll cross paths again someday."

"Maybe. But I think we're going to call it a day ourselves," Ranma declared, exercising his under-developed diplomatic skills.

"Well, my crew needs to start taking down the paraphernalia anyway. Good luck out there; may your sails find a favorable wind, and may your hold be full of booty!" Foxy laughed.

Having said their goodbyes, the Kamikaze Pirates began the trek along the beach to where the Stormbringer was anchored. As the Foxy Pirates began to swarm over their makeshift carnival and the various locals faded away back to their village, Ukyo stepped up next to Ranma.

"That was a really nice thing you and Kodachi did, Ranchan," she proudly observed.

"It was all Kodachi's idea," Ranma admitted.

"We avoided taking on an unwanted crewmember and we offered the Foxy Pirates a more pleasant farewell; I judged it the superior course," the Kamikaze's helmsman boasted.

"I just hope we never run into those clowns again; I couldn't take another of these stupid Davy Back Fights," Ryoga growled.

"What'sa matter, 'Yoiko'? I thought you looked pretty as picture up there on stage," Ranma grinned, then dodged an angry punch from his snarling first mate.

"Captain Saotome! Captain Saotome! Please to be waitin'!"

The Kamikazes turned as one as the shrouded form of Penelope laFloo came jogging towards them, a huge backpack crowded with all manner of assorted tools and items carried effortlessly on her back.

"Oh. Hey, Penelope... that's right, you wanted to talk to me after the fight was over, right?" Ranma verbally reminded himself, snapping his fingers as the memory came to him.

"Zat is bein' so. I... um... zis is bein' a little embarrasin'..." Penelope admitted, suddenly turning her veiled face away, tracing in the sand with her boot.

"What is it? How can we help?" Harumi asked her politely.

"And how much can you pay for our help?" Nabiki asked, the smile on her face adding a slight joking tone to the question.

"Nabiki!" Ukyo scolded her.

"Let me to start from ze beginnin'? I am Penelope laFloo, and I am bein' an archaeologist from ze kingdom of Frauce," the strange woman explained.

"France?" a baffled Ranma asked.

"No, Frauce," she gently corrected him.

"What's an archaeologist doing in the Grand Line?" Ryoga asked her.

"Ze world is bein' full of many, many fascinating ruins and stories - civilizations beyond count zat have been lost to 'istory! Ze greatest of all is bein' ze Void Century, a time of legend from before ze World Government is bein' created, but there are many others zat can be found all over, and which are not so... illegal to be studyin'? Ze Grand Line is said to have some of ze most ancient and obscure lost civilizations in ze world, and it is bein' my dream to explore it and discover them all!"

Her earlier shyness was completely gone now, replaced by an air of determined excitement. Her fists were clenched and she stared steadfastly off into space, her eyes gleaming brightly even behind her ever-present veil. Then she wilted like a dying sunflower.

"But... ze Grand Line, it is bein' not ze most 'ospitable place for ze lone traveler, no? I am 'aving no royal sponsorship, no great fortune to invest in my travels... so, I am to beseechin' you: take me with you! Let me explore ze Grand Line aboard your ship!"

She rushed forward and clasped Ranma's hand, attempting to stare wistfully into his eyes despite the veil shrouding her face. As one, four girls bristled protectively around them.

"You do realize that we're a pirate ship and not some pleasure cruise, right?" Ryoga interjected.

"I am bein' aware. It is not, I admit, to be ze most 'onorable way of seeing ze Grand Line. But for ze sake of my dream, I will be doin' anything! I will work for my passage, make no mistake of zat! Even if it means I am to be doin' ze plundering and ze pillaging!" Penelope vowed passionately, never once taking her gaze off of Ranma's.

"Well, lucky for you, we don't do a lot of that," Ranma replied absently.

"Except when it's Marines or rival pirates, but they're jerks, so they deserve it," Nabiki cheerfully added.

"If you're really sure you want this... then, sure, I guess we can take you with us," Ranma replied, somewhat uncertainly.

"You... you is meanin' it?! Oh, s'ank you, s'ank you! It is bein' ze miracle!" Penelope cried. Impulsively, she tried to charge Ranma and wrap her arms around him, but the martial artist somersaulted over her, nearly causing her to fall flat on her face from her own momentum.

"Whoa, no hugs, no hugs! I'm engaged!" Ranma protested.

Penelope's body language screamed "embarrassed", raising a hand to rub the back of her head.

"Oopsie. Please to be forgivin' me? In Frauce, we are a close people, but even there, I am bein' considered... ah... something of an 'ugger," she explained sheepishly.

"Ain't me who's upset," Ranma calmly informed her.

"Your first rule for a long, happy, healthy voyage aboard our delightful vessel," Kodachi cheerfully commented, a dark light gleaming in her violet eyes as she placed a hand on Penelope's shoulder, the archaeologist visibly wincing as Kodachi's grip tightened.

"And I do recommend you keep this well in mind," Ukyo added, unslinging her battle spatula and... coincidentally... starting to run a whetstone across its edge.

"No flirt with Ranma," growled Shampoo, right into Penelope's ear.

"I assure, no flirting intended! I was merely wishin' to express my gratitude!" Penelope hastily replied.

"Girls, knock it off," Ranma interjected firmly. The trio stepped away from their new guest, but their gazes never left her.

"Sorry; they're nice girls, just a little overprotective; they'll warm up to you in time," Ranma explained.

"It is okay. You did say zat you were bein' engaged," Penelope assured him.

"Can we get going now?" Ryoga asked.

"Oh, there is bein' just one thing?" Penelope asked tentatively, gingerly raising an index finger.

"What's that?" Ranma asked her.

"I am bein' sorry, but my religion demands privacy - 'ence ze veil and ze rest. Would it be possible for me to 'ave my own cabin?" Penelope asked hopefully.

"Oh, sure, we got plenty of spare rooms," Miriam interjected, waving a hand in casual dismissal.

"Oh, good. Zat is bein' a relief," Penelope sighed gratefully.

And with that, the newly expanded group resumed their trek along the beach to the Stormbringer, ready to take their end to a long day.

Chapter End & Closing Notes

And so we end the Davy Back Fight arc. Not gonna lie, this was an idea that seemed so much better in concept than it evidently turned out in execution. Still, in the next chapter, we'll begin the Sky Seas Saga, with some pretty big developments to come!

Penelope laFloo here wasn't originally planned to join the Kamikaze Pirates, but was instead an idea suggested on the SpaceBattles forum that I took a shine to. As a result, her current status is "probationary" - she'll travel with our heroes through the Sky Seas Saga, but as to whether she'll join them permanently, well, that depends on how much readers like her. If you like her, then let it be known. I might even go so far as to do a poll after posting the penultimate chapter of this upcoming arc, if results are particularly mixed.