Dedicated to Bobby and Emily. Search for Harry's Ridiculous Adventure on Youtube for a reading of this story.

Dolores Umbridge stood in front of Voldemort's throne dressed in her finest pink jumpsuit. "Dolorresss," Voldemort hissed. "I feel myssself weakening. Harry Potter hass desstroyed two Whorecruxesss I need you to be on guard."

Dolores felt her frustration grow. Voldemort had forbidden her from shagging anyone in case someone tried to destroy the Whorecrux inside her. "Yes, my lord of course." She hoped she sounded confident.

"Perhappss, we should add a little insuranccee you will do my bidding." Voldemort gave a scaly smile. "Come here and give me head."

Dolores felt her stomach drop. She had no problem killing and torturing muggles, and had seen some pretty twisted things in her time but nothing compared to this.

Voldemort undid his robe, his penis poked out. It had scaly flesh that ended upward at the tip in an actual snake like face with a mouth and eyes. It was a side effect from Voldemort regenerating after he had split his soul so many times to make a Whorecrux.

Voldemort's penis begin to dance of its own volition and sing, "Don't, don't you want me. You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me." Dolores watched still. She didn't want to give the dark lord any indication of what she was feeling. The penis continued singing until the end, "Don't you want me Oooo Oooh." Voldemort smiled and clapped his hands when he finished, entertained by his little penis. They had some sick symbiotic relationship. The penis bowed several times proudly.

Dolores wanted the song to be over but wished it was still going on when the penis turned to her and stuck out his tongue. The things she had to do to remain in power. Dolores knelt over and stuck her tongue out, French kissing it. Voldemort moaned in pleasure. She put the penis in her mouth and it started licking her tonsils. This wasn't helping her to feel any sexual pleasure but she figured Voldemort was to self-centered to realize it. The penis began making erotic sounds and Dolores came up for air. The penis opened his mouth wider and spewed a stream of hot cum all over her face from his mouth. Dolores closed her eyes, she almost thought joining Dumbledore would be better than this, but knew Voldemort was on the winning side.

Voldemort cleaned himself off with his wand. "Well that ssshould tide you over. Remember Dolores don't sleep with anyone, the order isss trying to desstrory me."

Dolores nodded, afraid to speak before she apparated away.

Harry, Ron and Hermione followed Mr. Weasley through the ministry. He had brought them along under the guise of a school project about his work, but they were really searching for a Whorecrux.

"Mr. Weasley, I feel the loadstone moving. A Whorecrux must be nearby." Harry whispered.

Arthur leaned in close. "You and Ron search the upper floors while Hermione and I walk around the ministry. Let us know if you find anything."

Harry and Ron separated from the group. They took the elevator to a few different floors. The loadstone was reacting but not strongly, until they reached the highest floor. They followed the hallway until the loadstone spun wildly in front of one of the doors. Harry looked up. A gold inscription read, "Dolores Umbridge."

"Oh great." Harry whined. "Just great, how am I even going to get her to shag me, she hates me?"

"Leave it to me." Ron spoke confidently. "No one can resist my sexy bod."

Before Harry could stop him, Ron knocked on the door. Dolores answered dressed in a pink knee length skirt and pink blouse. She looked surprised. "Harry, Ron, what are you two doing here?"

"Hey Ms. U." Ron pushed aside the door letting himself in. "We were on a field trip so decided to come by your office."

"What for?" Dolores's eyes narrowed. "I don't remember approving any field trip."

"Um, we came with Mr. Weasley to get some extra credit. You know to see what he does at his job and stuff." Harry finished lamely.

"Where is that fool Weasley at anyway? Why aren't you with him? Not keeping an eye on his bratty kids. Typical." Umbridge sneered.

Ron slyly opened his ropes up a little and puckered his lips. "So you think we can hang out in here for a little bit?"

"This isn't a daycare! Get out! When you two get back to school you'll be serving detention in my office." Dolores warned.

A plan formulated in Harry's mind. He stepped closer to Dolores. "I've been a bad boy Dolores. I need you to teach me how to be good."

Dolores suddenly felt warm looking at the two boys before her. Boy she'd love to whip them into shape. Maybe she could have a little fun. It wouldn't be breaking her promise to Voldemort after all. "Maybe you two should serve that detention now, until we find out what happened to that incompetent Mr. Weasley."

"Yes, maybe you should punish us." Harry looked downward.

"Us?' Ron spoke up. "I dunno what you're on about mate."

"Against the wall, both of you!" Dolores ordered in a sickly sweet voice.

Both boys stood against the wall. Ron looked confused. After a few seconds, Harry heard a loud smacking sound as Ron was hit in the ass with a giant paddle.

"Bloody hell!" Ron yelled.

"You're never to old for a spanking. Now pipe down." Dolores was exhilarated. She couldn't remember when she'd last had so much fun. She brought the paddle down over both Harry and Ron again.

"You crazy witch!" Ron yelled, moving towards her.

"Imperio!" Dolores screeched. Ron become glassy eyed and instantly pliant. "You're not going to give me any trouble to are you Harry?"

"No." Harry quivered. Harry never thought he'd be into this kind of stuff but it seemed to appeal to his whiny side.

Umbridge ordered both of them to undress. Harry did so willingly but since Ron was under a curse he had no choice. Harry looked over and saw that Hermione indeed wasn't lying. Ron was a lot smaller than him. Umbridge eyed the two boys with a bit of disappointment. She quickly recovered and ordered Harry to sit atop Ron's back as he walked on all fours like a horse. Harry kept slipping off his sweaty friend and would get a swift smack from Umbridge's paddle every time he did. Harry was getting kind of grossed out. This was his best friend Ron, after all.

Finally Dolores let an exhausted Ron and Harry stand upright. "Take off my clothes." She ordered. Ron undid the top part of her blouse and Harry removed her skirt. As expected her bra and underwear were both hot pink. Her large body sagged and her ass was as flat as a pancake. Dolores knew she was treading on dangerous ground. If Voldemort found out she was going to do his enemy and his friend, he would be furious with her. She hadn't been laid in over a year though.

Harry saw Dolores pause. He was afraid she was backing out. Harry bent over to his toes showing off his ass. "Dolores, I need another spanking."

Dolores's eyes filled with lust. She stuck her wand in Harry's ass and he cried out. "Leave it in." she commanded. Dolores walked over to her desk and pulled out a wooden box from a drawer. Cat's were engraved on the side. She opened it and pulled out a medium sized pink dildo, the end of it had the face of a cat. Straps were attached to either end. Harry's eyes widened. She put it on and went over to Ron. She commanded Ron to bend over and pull his ass cheeks apart with his hands. "Meow like a cat." She spoke, her voice filled with lust. Harry cringed as she shoved the pink cat dildo up Ron's ass. Ron began meowing. She was even more evil than Harry had imagined. After a time Dolores stopped and laid on her back. She ordered Ron to mount her. "Come here Harry." Harry knew it was time. He didn't enjoy the thought of a three-way with his best friend though. Harry's ass began to burn. "Ow, what's happening?"

"I've charmed my wand. If you don't pleasure me when I want you to, you will feel intense pain." Dolores smiled evilly. Harry felt like his ass was filled with Licorice snaps. He knew he had to bang Dolores to end the pain. He reached her opening. Watching Ron's drooling ecstasy filled face. This was so gross, but he had to do it the pain was to much. He entered Dolores, who made a sound of approval. "Kiss your friend, Harry."

Harry leaned over and stuck his tongue in Ron's mouth. Even under the spell, Harry thought he saw a bit of horror in Ron's eyes.

Dolores leaned back and cried out in pleasure. She ordered both of the boys to ejaculate. Ron's jizz hit Harry square in the face. She finally released them and pulled her wand from Harry's ass. Harry wondered if he'd ever be the same again. Ron's eyes became clear. He looked around the room and ran to a trash can and vomited.

"Well, I'll see you boys at school for detention." Dolores tried to speak sternly but her face was joyful.

Harry half carried Ron from the Room. The loadstone was no longer moving. The Whorecrux had been destroyed. Ron's face looked pale and haunted. "It worked, Ron, you helped me after all." Harry said insensitively.

Ron turned to Harry without a glimmer of recognition. He opened his mouth to speak then closed it. Harry was worried. He'd have to talk to Molly about getting him obliviated again. Well on the bright side he was one step closer to stopping Voldemort.