AN: This fic is a prequel to "Moving On" and takes place immediately after KH2. It's from Repliku's pov and will probably stay a one-shot unless I decide to use this as a chance to mess with these three. No real pairings, just some references to unrequited Repliku-Namine and Riku-Sora.
Better Than Nothing
He stared across the dark waters at the place where the door of light had been. The two of them had sat at the edge of that deadly water, that abyss, and they had talked and smiled, comfortably enjoying the sound of the waves as if they were on the brightly lit beach of their own world and not in a hellish purgatory. Because the darkness had shied away from the two of them even before that door of pure light had opened and let them casually walk through it and out of this realm.
An eternity might have passed since then, or a few seconds. Time had no meaning here. In their world, a lot of time must have passed. He had barely recognized Riku, and that just confused him because that was insane. He was a copy of him. How could he fail to recognize him immediately? He felt like he should have sensed him the moment they entered this realm. But he hadn't. What he had sensed was the darkness shadowing him, an overwhelming darkness that was far more threatening than Sora's light. That was another bit of insanity on his part, surrounded as he was by nothing but darkness. He was definitely losing his mind. He should have been relieved by that, having his stubborn sense of self eaten away until he faded out of existence. Instead he had found himself watching them, edging closer while the rest of the darkness in this place slunk away from that threatening shadow.
What was that darkness? Had Riku brought that shadow with him or had it originated here, attaching itself to Riku and following him through this place because it had some claim on him? What had happened in their world? What were they doing here? And what had happened to Riku's pride? Having to rely on Sora, of all people, should have made him ashamed of himself for being so pathetic. Instead he had just looked tired, too beaten down to care.
He understood not caring. He hadn't cared about anything since he had found himself in this place. All he had the mind to care about was that the heartless left him alone. He had no heart, so they had no excuse for bothering him. They did it to be annoying because they had nothing better to do. When a wave of them insisted on getting too close, he wrapped himself in the illusionary powers he had sucked out of Zexion until they faded back into the ground, back into the water, back into the very air of this place. They were a constant irritation, just enough to annoy him into caring. And then those two had walked into this place and the heartless hid and fled and he had moved closer, surprised and curious enough to ignore the threatening shadow that was following them. They had taken that shadow with them into the light. Had they even noticed? Riku should have noticed. What had happened to them? The curiosity was what had him standing at the edge of that water now, even though it was only a matter of time before the heartless noticed him and started being annoying again.
Riku had looked as if he were five years older, so tall his feet had dragged the ground as Sora pulled him along. Five years? Surely it hadn't been that long since he had died. Sora hadn't looked that different. But time had clearly passed for them. Enough time for Namine to have fulfilled her death wish and returned to her somebody? Probably. He shouldn't have felt anything at the thought of that. It was what she had wanted, after all. Sora's presence in this place proved that she had undone the harm she had caused him. She was almost certainly gone now.
He had felt a sharp burst of anger at that, anger at Sora and Namine both. She had known Sora wouldn't choose her over Kairi, fake memories over real ones, a Nobody over a real person, but some small bit of hope had lingered in her until Sora had snuffed it out. She had admitted that to herself, out loud, like a confession, while she knelt over him and did things to repair the fake heart she had broken to save the boy she herself had programed him to kill before she had changed her mind for reasons he would never understand. Maybe she hadn't meant for him to hear her confession. He hadn't even been able to open his eyes at the time, so he would never know if she had been crying. She had sounded like she was crying, but she was a Nobody, a heartless thing just like him, and crying was for real people.
He had listened to her confession with no sympathy, no understanding. What had she expected? What had she wanted? What was he supposed to feel about that? She had given him back just a hint of what he must have been before, enough to know he was just a copy of a real person. But she had left most of Riku's memories, and almost all of the fake memories minus the tormenting ones of how badly Sora had hurt her as a child, driving her away from the islands and leaving him with a reason to fight Sora, to keep him away from Namine, to kill him if that was the only way he could ensure Sora never hurt her like that again. He didn't know what those memories had been. They must have been awful memories to make a puppet like him feel so much.
Darkness churned in the distance, heartless crawling over each other in boredom and hunger. Some would want the water, the abyss, in the hopes of escaping into a dark world where they they might find a weak point that would let them push through into the realms between. He understood things like that now, the way heartless moved from this realm into the realm of light, from having watched them for so long. He would go into that abyss eventually. Everything here did. It was just a question of whether he would enter it intentionally or if he would be stubborn until he faded and his darkness settled on the surface of the water before falling down with the rest of them. How ridiculous that Riku and Sora had simply walked across the surface of that water to that door of light. Sora was special, but Riku either possessed or was possessed by so much darkness he should have sunk like a stone in that water. How had he walked across it that way?
The curiosity lingered. He found himself sitting not far from where they had, wrapped up in that stolen befuddling darkness so nothing noticed or bothered him while he continued staring across the waters. When he heard the footsteps, he ignored them. He had seen a number of former people come to this shore, walking like numb deadened things right out into that water and sinking into the abyss the same as the heartless did, because there was nowhere else for them to go here, nothing else for them to do. The steps stopped on dry land, close enough to him to be annoying, but not close enough for him to look. He was listening to the waves, wondering how Riku and Sora could find that sound anything but disturbing. These waves didn't sound the same as the waves on their island, not at all. Had they really believed that? What had happened to them?
A voice spoke far too close to him. He finally tore his attention away from the water, letting his senses wake just a bit. He didn't need to look with his eyes. He hadn't looked at anything with his eyes for a very long time, not until those two had intruded on this place. The voice was male, deep, reminding him of another figure that had perched on the same rock this man was on. This man was wearing a black organization cloak, just like the last one. But this man wasn't a nobody. He knew what a nobody felt like and had slunk away from that one because he would rather fade here than be caught and used by them again. This man was human and that cloak of his wouldn't hide his heart for long, not this close to the abyss. Then there was another voice and he felt a sharp pain in his neck from how quickly he whipped around to stare. He supposed his body was breaking down even faster than his mind was. But if there was about to be a feeding frenzy he would have to move and then decide whether he wanted to watch or go away. He would probably have to go away. Watching heartless be heartless might make him feel something.
The woman's light was faded, yet still bright enough to remind him of Sora. She didn't even have a cloak to protect her from the darkness. She moved slowly, sat down on the sand, and spoke to the man as if every heartless in this realm wasn't frothing at the mouth for a chance to devour her heart. Ignorant, fearless, numb, or a keyblade wielder. Maybe she was all of those things.
He watched them, listening to their conversation, and wondered at the heartless surrounding them in the distance. None of the darkness came any closer. Nothing interrupted them. Nothing even seemed all that tempted to approach. Why? Had the door of light frightened them away? Or were these things still wary of the shadow that had hovered over Riku and Sora, right where these two humans were now smiling at each other as if they weren't in the realm of darkness with no way of escaping on their own. These two didn't have the protection of that menacing shadow. They had no protection except vain hope, and that hope was more annoying than being pestered by heartless when he just wanted to be left alone. These two were hopeful simply because Sora had a keyblade? Sora was gone. Sora didn't even know these two were here. Sora wouldn't have left them behind if he had known they were here. Sora was gone now and had no way to come back here and rescue them. Riku should have been able to, but Riku had sat on that shore and waited for a door of light to open up rather than simply opening a dark portal himself.
That thought distracted him and he found himself ignoring the humans and staring at the water again. Why hadn't Riku just opened a portal and gone out through a dark corridor? The darkness here hadn't attacked Sora, so Sora would have survived a short trip down one of those corridors. Using the darkness that way was one of the first things Maleficent had taught him. But Riku hadn't even been able to walk on his own by the time they reached this shore. Maybe Riku had been too weak to escape without losing his heart to the darkness. How pathetic. Or, he found himself wondering with a twist of his lips that felt strange on his face after so long in this place, had Riku wanted to be trapped here with Sora? Riku could be just as selfish as he was. They would still have that much in common no matter how much time had passed in the realm of light. Some things didn't change. Riku's feelings for Sora would never change. He knew that, because his own feelings for Sora hadn't changed despite everything Namine had done to make him want to kill Sora if that was the only way to protect her from him. If he had managed to kill Riku he would have taken his place. He would have found a way to protect Sora and also keep Namine from committing suicide by going back to Kairi when it was obvious Kairi had existed just fine separated from her Nobody. Namine had died for nothing. Riku was as much to blame for that as Sora was.
That thought was enough to make him angry again. If he had to be a copy of someone, why did it have to be someone as unstable as Riku? Namine should have fixed him, put him back the way he was supposed to be, with none of the memories from Riku that had made him such an emotional wreck. Maybe then he wouldn't be sitting here waiting to fade because there was nothing better to do.
"Sora..."
The sound of the woman's hope made him wonder if he was strong enough to kill her. He would be putting her out of her misery and ridding himself of an irritation. She obviously intended to stay right where she was, keeping the hooded man company and waiting for a rescue that wasn't going to come. Sora was gone and wasn't coming back. The humans were the ones who needed to go away. He shouldn't have to leave this area just because these two fools had intruded on him.
He turned to stare at the woman, judging her light. Sora's light had been stronger, even before that door of light had opened to shine on him so brightly it was difficult to tell if the light was coming from the door or from Sora himself. What had happened to them? Did Sora now absorb light the way he consumed darkness? Had Riku figured out how to consume the darkness the way he could?
He had consumed so much darkness in this place he sometimes couldn't tell where he ended and the darkness around him began. Just breathing the air here, if he actually was still breathing, made him realize how pointless his murder of Zexion had been. That small power boost hadn't made any difference against Riku. He had let himself be Axel's pawn and he should have known better. He would have known better if his mind hadn't been such a mess, if he hadn't felt so desperate to be someone. He had certainly known Axel wasn't to be trusted. Axel had eventually encouraged Namine to do what she wanted to do, but he had also tormented her the same as the others. He knew that because Namine had given him memories of that, memories that had made him intervene when they had tried to bully her like that again. But he hadn't been thinking about logical things like that. He had been feeling too many emotions that he shouldn't have to feel. No one without a heart should feel so much. And so Axel had used him, the same as Maleficent and Ansem had used Riku, because he was just a copy of Riku, who was so easily manipulated.
He hated that. Why did he have to be a copy of him? He had been doomed from the start, a hollow imitation of someone desperately lonely but filled with too much self loathing to do anything about it. And the one person he truly cared about, because of the fake memories she had given him, had helped the others destroy his mind, turning him into this empty damaged thing he now existed as. She could have defied them if she had really wanted to. She had defied them quickly enough for Sora's sake. But Sora was real and he wasn't. Sora had chosen Kairi over Namine, and Namine had chosen Sora over him. That was only natural. All heartless things were drawn to those with hearts. Namine was no different. He was the one who was different, because he had thought he had some sort of heart right up until the moment he had found himself here, just another heartless creature of the dark, with nothing to regret because he had never had anything of his own to begin with. He had never had a heart. It was only the fake memories that had made him feel like he had a heart, made him hope she might pick him, just as she had hoped Sora might pick her. He would hate her for that if those fake memories weren't the only thing he had to cling to, the only thing keeping him from just fading into the nothing he had been created from.
His eyes burned, because he hadn't used them in so long he had forgotten to blink. He closed his eyes for what might have been hours or days, and then opened them to stare out over the water. What was he even doing here? Why was he stubbornly waiting to fade when he could simply stand up and walk into that water and be done with it? Namine was dead. Sora had passed within feet of him without even noticing him. And these two hopeful humans were annoying him. Well, he could at least do something about the humans.
The woman reacted the moment he started to stand up, before he had even begun to dispel the mind clouding power he had used to keep himself hidden. She probably heard him. If felt strange to move his body, but he was relieved to find that he still had one. His joints hurt and his feet felt numb and cold. The woman had risen and taken up a defensive stance between him and the cloaked man, but there was no keyblade in her hand, so he didn't pay her any mind. He was more interested in the noises his shoulders and elbows made when he flexed his arms. Had it really been that long since he had moved? It felt as if Riku and Sora had just left. But time had no meaning here. Years might have passed since then. He released the darkness around him and was distracted by the woman's gasp.
"Oh, no," she cried, a hand over her mouth. "It can't be..."
Was it really that bad? He looked down at himself. Without the cloak of darkness his clothing had reverted to the same thing Riku had been wearing when Vexen had copied him. But he had taken off the blue waders. He remembered doing that. When he entered this water he wasn't going to care about getting his pants wet. He didn't remember leaving his shoes off, though. That explained why his feet felt cold. They also had old blood dried on them. He hadn't realized a replica body could bleed. That was interesting. When he looked up again, he saw that the man had risen and was holding the woman's shoulder, talking to her quickly and quietly. He could see the man's face beneath the hood. The man was old with blonde facial hair. Facial hair, of all things. There was something vaguely familiar about the woman, but the man was a complete stranger to him.
"You're wasting your time," he informed the humans. "Sora has already been here and gone. He left through a door of light. He isn't coming back."
"Sora was here?" the woman asked, her eyes too bright for this dark place. "And he left you behind? Sora did? But why? He promised me-"
The man gave her a shake, but his wary eyes remained locked on him as he spoke to her. "This isn't what you think. It can't be. I remember what he looked like and this is wrong. This is something else. Riku did have darkness in him, but not like this. This is..."
"Shut up," he told the man. "You're annoying me. If you want to wait in this place until you die, do it somewhere else. If you want out, then go." He lifted a hand and frowned when he saw that he wasn't wearing a glove. He didn't remember taking his gloves off. But his hand looked normal, which was strange. He had been certain his body was breaking down, bits of it flaking away just like the rest of him. He shook his head and focused on getting rid of these people. The portal opened so easily. There was so much darkness in him now. He could probably summon enough darkside heartless to kill the woman even if she was a keyblade wielder. Or something worse than darksides. There were far worse things in the abyss. Those things weren't going to be happy once his darkness joined them in there. That thought gave him a bit of amusement, so he took pity on the humans who were now staring at the portal as if it would attack them.
"Dark corridors," he explained, "are the quickest way in or out of this realm. Go."
"Corridors," the old man repeated, so slowly he sounded strange. "Dark paths between, used by creatures of the darkness and by...me. Yes, of course. That's how I left this realm before. I remember now. Aqua! I was-"
But the woman was still staring at him and now she reached a hand toward him so he took a sharp step back. He stepped on something that hurt. He glared at her for making him do that. He was doing them a favor. He was giving them a way out instead of summoning a creature powerful enough to rip them apart. And this was the gratitude she showed?
"Then you aren't trapped here?" the woman asked. "Riku...?"
The hope was back in her voice, as irritating as having someone call him by that name. That was the only name he had and he couldn't use it because the real Riku already had it. But he remembered her now. Blue haired women weren't exactly common. No wonder she thought she knew him. That was why she had used the word promise. He hated that word, thanks to Namine and Sora. This woman had asked Sora to stick by Riku, insisting that was Sora's job, because she knew nothing about them. Sora probably didn't even remember that encounter because Sora hadn't promised this woman anything. Sora kept his promises to females, even fake promises like the one Namine had written on his heart. Sora had a hero complex and would rather die than imagine a life without a damsel of his own to take care of. Namine had proven that once and for all. Riku was the one who had promised to protect Sora as a child, a promise he had broken because he was no better than Sora. The promises between the two of them had never mattered to Sora. They didn't matter to him, either. They shouldn't matter to him. But they probably mattered to Riku, considering the way the two of them had acted on this beach, as if everything had been forgiven and there was nothing but friendship between them. And Sora had seemed perfectly content to stay there beside Riku, while his chosen damsel was two realms away. What had happened to them?
He took a deep breath and told himself that closing the portal and leaving this woman to find out firsthand just how little Sora remembered of his life before Kairi had come to their island would mean having company here, irritating company and reminders that made him want to seethe in peace. The boys she thought she knew were out there, not in here. He didn't want her in here.
"I'm not Riku," he informed her sharply. "Don't ever call me that again. Just go. You don't belong here."
"But-"
"No, Aqua, please listen to me," the man said, and he spoke to her like a father might, his voice sounding warm, gentle and understanding.
Those emotions were liked claws digging into his empty chest. He wanted to grab them up with darkness and throw them headfirst into that damned portal. But he would rather be killing them for making him feel things. He shouldn't have to feel anything anymore.
"That isn't Riku," the man continued, sending him a wary look. "I remember now. That is a replica that the organization created. The organization is what Sora and Riku were fighting the last time I saw them. This...thing...is dangerous, but it is also right. You don't belong here, Aqua. This creation does. Come with me now. These corridors can be dangerous and difficult, but they will take us somewhere outside the realm of darkness. Maybe to one of the worlds in between light and dark. I believe that is where I ended up the last time I escaped from here. Come."
"What are you talking about?" she demanded. "We can't just leave him here!"
"That is not a person," the man muttered, and now his voice was sharp and cold and much easier to tolerate. "It's a puppet, less than a Nobody, and it does not want us here. Can't you feel the darkness in it? We have to go. Now."
The man was afraid of him. He felt his mouth pull into what might have been a smirk. This was a feeling he didn't mind experiencing again. It was nice to have an intelligent being acknowledge the power he had amassed while he had been sitting around this wretched place and waiting to disappear. He probably wouldn't feel this again. And the man understood exactly what he was, a heartless creature of the dark. He wondered what it would take for the woman to realize that. Would she be afraid of him, too? Or would she be challenged enough to destroy him? Was she a keyblade wielder? It would be interesting to fight a keyblade wielder who wasn't Sora, someone he could face without all of those emotions that didn't belong to him. If she was strong enough to destroy him then he wouldn't have to spend the next eternity sitting here and cursing his own stubbornness. But if she was just another damsel waiting to be rescued by Sora then he would be reminded of Namine and Kairi, and he was sick of those reminders.
"What are you?" he asked the woman. "Are you a keyblade wielder?"
She straightened her shoulders with pride, though she continued to look at him with more concern than he cared for. "I am a keyblade Master. Come with me, and I'll help you in any way I can."
"Did you not hear me?" the man demanded. "I told you-"
"I heard you," Aqua said firmly, frowning at the man. "But you're wrong. I can feel his darkness. I can also feel his pain. We can't leave him here alone."
Pain. He sneered at her and felt a wash of disappointment. A fight would have been nice. Now he had to deal with feeling disappointed. He should just go into the water and be done with it. Why couldn't he make himself do that? This was Namine's fault. And Vexen's and Larxene's and Axel's and all of them. "I am exactly what he says I am. I have no heart. I don't even have a name. All I have are memories that aren't my own. And darkness. I have plenty of that. As a keyblade wielder, you should want to fight the darkness. Isn't that the way it works? Or is Sora an exception?"
"I haven't seen Sora since he was a child," she said. "I only found out he was a keyblade wielder after reaching these shores. I know he has helped save the worlds, but I don't know if he has become a Master. I am a keyblade Master. If you will let me help you fight your darkness, I'll gladly do so. Come with us."
"Yeah," he muttered, "you misunderstand. I want you to fight me, keyblade 'master'. I won't be fighting my darkness, I'll be using it to fight you. And if you don't stop me I might go on to use it on others once I'm done with you. Do you think you can prevent that? Are you strong enough for that?"
She stared at him for so long he wondered if his sense of time was slipping again. Then she smiled and extended her hand.
"Come with me," she said. "I'll show you what a keyblade Master can do."
He scoffed at that confidence, but he didn't mind seeing it. "Don't touch me until you're ready to fight. You have been in this realm too long as it is. I can see that. Well, old man? Will you be going with us, or staying here to wait for the rescue that will never come?"
The man's eyes grew cold and stony. They were orangish yellow eyes, like Ansem, the eyes of a seeker of darkness. He should have noticed that sooner. He was almost amused when the man turned on his heel and entered the portal. He waved for the woman to enter ahead of him and hesitated before entering himself. Once he entered, he would have to close it behind him. He had used so much darkness this portal would stay open for a long time if he didn't close it himself. And once he closed it, he might not be able to get back here easily. Was it worth the risk? There was nothing for him here but a long wait. Even if the woman was strong enough to destroy him in a satisfying fight, he might just find himself here again afterward. But he hadn't touched the humans. Just because they saw a body didn't mean he actually had one. Darkness ate away at those who had hearts, making them see things that weren't real. He might be nothing but a shadow, a memory of fake memories, and would vanish into absolute nothing the moment he stepped through that portal. That would be disappointing, but there wouldn't be anything left of 'him' to feel disappointment or anything else. That would be better than waiting.
He backed into the portal and closed it behind him. And then he turned around, because he could, because he still existed. The woman was watching him, while he man was further down the corridor. He passed them both and led the way. The woman would need some time in a realm between before she would be good for much of anything. He just hoped he didn't lead them straight to Castle Oblivion. Namine wasn't there any more and the last thing he wanted was to be forced through rooms based on his fake memories. If that was the first world they reached he would pass it by without telling the humans he had found anything. They might be able to sense darkness, but sensing darkness and seeing through the darkness were very different things. The man moved to walk directly behind him, and he sent him a taunting look over his shoulder. Then he covered himself in darkness so that he was wearing the same generic organization outfit the man was wearing. The man stopped in his tracks. He didn't wait for him to get over his surprise. His hands and feet were covered now and that was all that mattered. Riku had taken on the same form as him when he clothed himself in darkness. He would never take that form again. Maybe he would come up with something different from Riku or anyone else he had ever met, if he was around long enough to care.