The Spy
AN: As always, I make nothing from this endeavor and thank JKR for allowing us to play with her creations.
Can you believe it – an update. Although this chapter has been almost complete for over two years I have been consumed by writer's block. My job began to overwhelm me, and free time has been almost non-existent. I'm sorry to have left this one hanging for so long. I will never leave a story incomplete and I am determined to finish this one.
Thank you so much to everyone who had read, reviewed, followed or favourited this story.
SS
It would be fair to say that Hermione Granger made wholesale changes to her life after that evening. Having spent the night making lists of the things in her life that made her happy, and likewise, those that did not, she came to realise that she needed to embrace change.
Firstly, she sold her small London flat and moved to a three-bedroom semi-detached cottage in the village of Waltham, in Kent, which she magically extended to have the small library she had always wanted. Where the flat had been functional and cramped, the cottage was warm and inviting. It was nowhere near as large or grand as that at Snape's country house; instead, it was cosy and comfortable – a sanctuary away from the world.
Secondly, she resigned from her position at the Department of Magical Cooperation and decided she would take at least three months to consider her future. Being in the fast lane of magical politics was all very well and good, but Hermione had finally come to acknowledge that she no longer enjoyed the never ending pressure and responsibility, as she had in the beginning. Naturally her resignation was front page news for a little over a week as the press speculated as to her reasons for leaving, but she simply fobbed them off with the half-truth of taking a 'career break'.
Lastly, she resolved to travel more and to take advantage of her newly discovered free time to do the things that made her happy. Hermione's savings wouldn't last forever, but she was thankful to have a little nest egg to tide her over for a little while at least. Time enough to explore her options and relax.
Explaining her, somewhat drastic, decisions to her friends had been difficult; particularly Ginny, who having known of Hermione's attraction Snape, badgered her about her happiness, and had expressed her abject concern at what she considered to be new and wildly erratic behaviours. Of course, it was only right that Ginny was highly suspicious but like a true friend she remained respectful and supportive, despite her probing questions. Not telling her closest friends of her visit to Snape's house, or indeed his visit to her flat, had relieved some of the potential pressure of having to explain the situation, despite the ongoing and lingering guilt of deception by omission.
A few days after the evening in which Snape had left her flat, Hermione had also visited Hogwarts to speak to Minerva who confessed her involvement in the ruse and apologised for not professing her plan earlier, when she had the opportunity. Hermione tried very hard to be understanding but expressed her disappointment and anger at having been so deceived. The conversation was all the more tense when Minerva continued to express her opinion that they were 'made for each other' and 'just needed a push in the right direction'.
Living in her new cottage was wonderful and quite literally a breath of fresh air. The village of Waltham had a small pub, with a beer garden, and served a carvery on Sunday. Hermione's neighbours, Pete and Barbara, were friendly but unobtrusive Muggles in their forties, who worked in the village Post Office, which also served as the village shop. Though there were no other shops within walking distance, being a witch had its perks. It wasn't as if she couldn't Apparate to London, any time she met up with her friends, or fancied at spot of shopping, or even a takeaway. All in all, the pace of life had slowed considerably, and for the better.
On her birthday Hermione and her friends had had a lovely meal at a fancy restaurant Edinburgh. Neville, Luna, Harry and Ginny, Ron and the Patil twins has joined her in celebration and in many ways, it was the final page she needed to turn in order to close the book on everything that had happened over the summer.
It was a crisp, but sunny, October afternoon that found Hermione walking along the footpath next to newly cut hedgerows and a field which had recently been harvested of its carrots. She was exercising her neighbour's dog, a lively black and white border collie. Barbara had broken her leg falling from one of the couple's two horses; so, while Pete manned the Post Office and Barbara stayed at home recovering, Hermione took their dog out across the fields for a well-deserved run.
They had only been walking twenty minutes, Hermione swinging the lead rhythmically as she walked, when she heard a rustling from a shallow ditch the other side of the thick hawthorn hedge, which ran along the field. Thinking it was probably a rabbit or a pheasant, she continued walking and turned to see the dog, blazing her way along the footpath with her nose firmly anchored in the grass.
"Hello, Hermione."
Shrieking in surprise, Hermione immediately pulled out her wand, ready to defend herself as a familiar figure, encased in his black travel cloak, emerged from behind an ancient oak tree.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Hermione shouted.
"You have become a very difficult person to find." He took a few steps forward, ignoring her exclamation.
"Oh yes, I can see that walking around the countryside in broad daylight is very stealthy," she cried. "What are you doing here, apart from creeping around in hedgerows? Why can't you just walk up to me and say hello like a normal person?"
"This is the first time I have been here; I didn't plan on speaking to you, only taking a look around. I didn't expect to see you out walking," replied Snape, evenly. "I came to see you… before, but you moved residences, and I could hardly ask your friends for your new address. It was most inconvenient."
"For goodness' sake, this is ridiculous, we said all we had to say back in the summer. I'm moving on with my life and I don't need you turning up uninvited, like a stalker, to make me feel inadequate, all over again."
"Why did you leave your job at the Ministry?" Snape asked abruptly, staring her intently and ignoring her protests.
Hermione looked around frantically. "Oh no, Lily!"
Snape took a step back. "I beg your pardon?" he asked, wearing an expression of abject horror.
"My neighbour's dog… I'm supposed to be walking her… she was just here." Hermione rushed past him and looked out across the field.
"Lily?" Snape choked.
"Yes, the dog is called, Lily!" Hermione snapped. "Lily! Lily!" she shouted, whistling loudly for good measure. "Oh no, Barbara will never forgive me if she's run off." She turned and rounded on Snape. "This is your fault!"
"It won't have gone far," he sighed.
"Thank you, for that helpful piece of advice." Hermione turned angrily and began walking up the footpath in the hope of catching up with the dog. "Lily! Lily!"
Thankfully, Snape has been correct in his assumption and as soon as she rounded the bend, with Snape trailing along behind, they found Lily with her tail in the air and her nose in yet another patch of thick grass.
"There you are! Lily, come here!" Hermione watched as the dog obeyed, picking up a stick and presenting it to Hermione proudly as the lead was clicked on to the ring of her collar.
"No harm done." Snape stood several paces away, his hands in his trouser pockets, casually.
"What are you doing here, Severus?" she sighed. "I don't understand why you have, quite literally, appeared out of nowhere, after months. Why I moved or what I am doing is nothing to do with you and quite honestly, I find it rather rude that you expect me to explain myself to you. I don't owe you anything."
Lily sat next to Hermione, still with the stick in her mouth, watching Snape intently with her large brown eyes and her tail brushing gently, back and forth, across the surface of the well-worn footpath, brushing fallen leaves from side to side.
"Would you mind if we walked while I say what I have come to say?" He asked. "The dog is…"
Hermione looked down at Lily and understood, painfully, why he might find the situation difficult. "Come on then, you have until we reach the house to have your say," she sighed.
As they walked side by side, Hermione's anger abated, leaving a wistful feeling of what might have been and memories of their walk along the river in Krakow. So much had happened since then and she keenly felt the changes in her life and his unintentional influence in those decisions. Even now, though she had not seen him for months, she could not deny the way she desperately wanted to gravitate towards him.
"This animal has a rather unfortunate moniker, does it not?" Snape commented at length and after a deep breath. "I only mention it because I would like to speak to you about some of the things that came up in conversation when we last talked, and I feel that it is relevant."
Hermione felt a swell of embarrassment cascade over her as she anticipated what he would say. The agony of having to listen was almost unbearable, certain as she was that he was about to tell her that he was still in love with Harry's mother. She said nothing.
"My past is not a secret; unfortunately, I carry it around with me and there is not much of it that I look back upon with satisfaction. I repeatably make poor decisions and though I am loathed to admit it I am not always the best judge of character. I have also been selfish, stubborn, bitter and cruel, as you well know."
Hermione opened her mouth to respond, but he raised his hand to halt her words.
"But despite those things, I am still only human, and I did… I do want the same things that other people aspire to have in their lives. I placed a great deal of myself in my friendship with Lily – I won't go into the particulars – but suffice it to say that I vowed I would never allow my happiness to put into another's hands again. The result of which is the man I am today. I have learned a great deal about myself over the years, but I have not had success when it comes to tender feelings for member of the opposite sex, as you probably know."
He stopped walking and turned to look down at her.
"Hermione… when I came to realise that you felt something for me, I was speechless. I was convinced that Minerva was wrong… that I was wrong. When you confirmed it for me, I was simply not prepared to deal with that information."
It was strange to listen to his man being so candid about himself and she desperately wanted to ask him to get to the point, but knew that this time, he needed to have his say. She nodded her understanding, and they continued the slow walk down the footpath, hoping that his soliloquy meant that he trusted her, at least a little.
"I have reflected often, recently, that our time together in June was a window into what I could have if only I was able to change; however, such a thing is often easier said than done and those reservations which I voiced to you when we last spoke are still very much at the forefront of my mind. I am much too old for you. I am extremely set in my ways; you still have much of the world to conquer, and I am bound to hold you back."
"Severus, I don't want to conquer the world, I just want to be happy."
He clasped his hands behind his back. "As I said, I am selfish, and I wouldn't be here if that were not the case. You see, I felt the loss keenly after you left my home back then, though I did not appreciate, or perhaps I refused to appreciate, why I felt that way." He paused and looked over to her gravely. "I now find that I cannot get you out of my mind."
It was Hermione's turn to stop walking as she felt a lump form in the pit of her stomach. "Severus, you have no idea how I have longed to hear you say that to me… but you sound so resigned and unhappy. Wanting to be with someone and having them want you back should be exciting, joyous, overwhelming."
"You see, I am already upsetting you," he frowned.
Hermione smiled. "I am not upset. In fact, hearing you say that you are interested in me is thrilling, I just want to hear you say that you want to feel the same way, so we can both enjoy the moment."
He looked out across the field, his brows furrowed.
"I just want us to have a chance. We won't know unless we try, will we?" Hermione asked, cautiously. "But it isn't up to me to persuade you, you either want to be with me, or you don't."
"I have spent weeks trying to find you, Hermione. Please don't doubt my ardor for you. What you see before you now is a crisis of confidence owing to the fact that my hopes are out in the open. When I saw you walking up the footpath with your cheeks flushed from the cold and your eyes bright with your endless curiosity, I thought you so beautiful I almost lost my nerve. I felt like an old fool."
Hermione heard herself gasp. "You think I am beautiful?"
Snape took a step forward and look down into at her face, once again. "You doubt it?" he asked, reaching out to move a stray tendril of hair behind her ear.
Tears she couldn't control welled up as looked deeply into his fathomless dark eyes, looking for any hint of insincerity. It was ridiculous to doubt such a man, but the feeling of being wanted by him was so overwhelming and unbelievable that she couldn't help her reaction.
"Why are you upset?" Snape asked, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I thought you wanted me to be honest with you."
"Oh my God," she laughed through the tears. "You really are clueless, aren't you?!"
"Utterly," he stated, as if it should have been obvious to her by now.
There was nothing more to be said, Hermione clutched at the front of his cloak with her free hand and pulled him down into a kiss. She noted that his lips were firm and absently reflected that she had not kissed anyone with a beard before. His facial hair was softer than she had expected, and she was more than elated to find that he didn't delay in kissing her back with enthusiasm. Her hand crept up his shoulder to the back of his neck, while his hands had found their way into her hair. By the time they broke apart she was breathless.
"Have I made myself clear?" Hermione grinned.
"Impertinent witch," he smiled with his eyes.
Lily, who had been sitting patiently with her stick got up and pushed her way between the two of them to indicate she was tired of waiting and wanted to head home.
"I think we should get this one back and then you can come in for cup of tea and we can talk." Hermione grasped his hand and threaded their fingers together. "I think we should hold hands. I am worried you'll change your mind before we get back, so I want to keep you close."
Snape did not protest.
SS
Finding herself laying naked in bed at 3 o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon with an equally naked Severus Snape was just as exhilarating and overwhelming as she had expected. They had returned to her cottage having dropped Lily back at Pete and Barbara's; Hermione put the kettle on, while Snape explained how he had eventually found out the location of her new home. Rather shockingly he confessed that he had resorted to polyjuice and a visit to the Ministry Human Resources Office.
"You could be arrested, Severus! What were you thinking?"
"I was a spy for twenty years," he sneered, "those dunderheads at the Ministry would never have noticed a thing. I owe my life to being able to work around considerably more switched-on individuals than that."
"And if they had noticed? How would you have explained yourself?"
"I would have simply told them I was searching for the most desirable woman in the world, they would have understood, I am sure." He lifted her chin with his finger and kissed her slowly.
"Good grief, Severus," Hermione muttered breathlessly as they broke apart. "For someone who says they don't know what they are doing, you are awfully good at that."
"I am pleased you think so," he preened.
They had sat together on her sofa while she explained her change of career, the selling of her flat in London and her desire to travel. Snape was astonished that she had taken to uprooting her whole life and expressed his concern for her future.
"You must have some idea of what you want to do when you return to work."
"I honestly don't know," she replied, sipping at her hot tea. "I wouldn't mind doing something educational or research or something like that. The Ministry was exciting for a long time, until I realised that politics it just a huge game of egos, backstabbing, and stress. I wasn't enjoying it; I think I just liked all the praise people gave me and the perk of getting to go to Australia a few times a year."
"If you think that education and research aren't dominated by egos and backstabbing, I'm afraid have news for you."
"Don't spoil my fantasy quite yet."
"I just want you to be happy, Hermione," he said, setting down his mug on to the coffee table. "I have very real concerns whether I can help you to be happy. It will be difficult with you here and such distance between us."
"We can take it slowly, there is no need for us to rush now, is there? Just because we want to be together doesn't mean we have to rush into everything headfirst, does it?"
The couple lasted another five minutes of conversation and no more than half of their respective cups of tea before Hermione found herself pressed against the back of the sofa with one Snape's hands under her t-shirt, caressing her breasts, and her hands in his hair, as they kissed one another hungrily.
His refusal to take matters further on the sofa, saw her leading him up the stairs and into her bedroom.
"Sorry about the messy bed, I don't usually bother to make it when I am on my own and I wasn't expecting a visitor."
Snape walked into the room and stood at the end of the bed. "Come here."
His tone brooked no argument and sent a shiver down her spine with nervous excitement. They made short work of each other's clothing and fell on to the bed. His exploration of her person was meticulous, as she knew he would be, drawing out her pleasure. He worshipped her body and afterwards as they lay together in a sated haze, she vowed she would reciprocate.
They briefly feel asleep before she woke and rolled over to him to do some exploring of her own, waking him in the process, and commencing a repeat performance. It was exhilarating to finally have him here; to be with him physically; to know him intimately. She couldn't stop herself from touching him, running her fingers along the thin trail of dark hair from his stomach to his chest and around his nipples.
Snape turned to face her before leaning in to kiss her forehead. "This was a very unexpected way to spend my day."
"I hope we can spend many more days this way," she replied hopefully, reaching for his hand so she could kiss his fingertips.
"I don't know how we are going to make this work."
"Don't you remember, I have a year's supply of portkeys, and it just so happens I have almost nine months left before that deal expires. I am not working right now so I can come over to see you and maybe, if you feel like it, you can come and stay here too."
"And when I need to be away?"
"Maybe I can come with you… if you don't mind?" Hermione suggested, cautiously.
"And when you are working?"
"But I'm not at the moment, am I," she countered. "Let's see how this works out now and we can sort out that later." She needed him to understand that she wasn't going to concern herself with what might happen later.
"You are right of course; I shouldn't put my carriage before the thestrals." His eyes tracked her lips as she sucked one of his fingertips into her mouth causing him to groan. "You are insatiable, witch."
"You have no idea," she laughed. "I will take all of you I can get."
"You should probably know that I need to leave for Tallin tomorrow."
"I see." His continual need to push barriers between them was maddening and she simply refused to engage with it.
"At a push I can probably stay with you tonight, if you wish it, but I will need to leave in the morning."
Hermione responded by leaning forwarded and kissing him deeply. "I've never been to Estonia," she confessed, breathlessly.
"Are you angling for an invitation?"
Hermione laughed. "I just might."
Snape considered her for a moment, their eyes locked together as intimately as their bodies had been only a short time ago.
"If you come with me, you must understand that it will be very difficult to keep our association private."
"I don't care, Severus. I have waited to be with you, and I don't care what anyone else thinks about it. I am tired to doing what is expected of me, now I want to do what makes me happy."
SS
Harry and Ron had been speechless when she had told them, less two weeks into her relationship with Snape, that she was practically living with him in France. Ginny had smiled and pulled Hermione into an embrace.
"Does he make you happy?" Ginny whispered carefully into Hermione's ear.
"I am happy," Hermione replied. "Ridiculously happy, actually… but its early days."
"So, have you moved in with him?" asked Ron. "What about a job? You can't give up everything for him Hermione, it isn't right."
"I'm not giving up anything, Ron!" she snapped. "We're seeing how it goes and there is nothing wrong with that! If being with him makes me happy then that's where I want to be, okay!"
Harry joined the conversation. "I think what Ron is trying to say, Hermione, is that you can't go following Snape around Europe forever. If you are serious about him, and it seems that you are, you need to think about your future too."
Hermione frowned. "This is because its Severus, isn't it!? Why can't you just be happy for me? We've only been seeing each other for two bloody weeks, for goodness sake."
"Come on," Harry replied, calmly. "I would have said the same if you'd taken up with Neville up at Hogwarts. You need something for yourself too."
"Will you all calm down a moment, there is plenty of time to sort all of that out. When I left the Ministry, I always said I wanted to go travelling, didn't I? The only difference now is that I am with Severus. If we eventually decide that we want be more committed to each other then we will deal with it." Hermione was genuinely irritated.
"And what is he giving up for you, Hermione?" Ron insisted. "Because as far as I can see, his life won't change much." Before Hermione could reply he continued. "One of the reasons we didn't work out was because we wanted different things."
"I don't want to fall out over this, but you're not listening." Hermione took a deep calming breath. "We have been together a just a couple of weeks, not a years. I am doing exactly what I want and that is to spend time, with him… getting to know each other. We are seeing how it goes and that's it, so you can't expect him to make some grand sacrifice just to prove that he would be willing to compromise when the time comes."
Harry and Ron glanced at each other before nodding. "We just care about you, that's all." Harry smiled. "We want you to be happy and if Snape makes you happy then we can't ask for more."
"Well, please don't hesitate to invite us over to your little love nest in the French countryside," Ginny grinned.
It was true that they spent most of their time at his home in France, enveloped in a cocoon of their own making, far from the world outside. They seldom had visitors, except when Snape took on a client for training, at which time Hermione returned to England to see her friends and check on her little cottage.
Hermione travelled with him to Tallin, to Seville, to Budapest and to Florence, where Snape defeated Radkov in the final to become the European Grand Champion, once more. Snape had been right in his assessment that their relationship wouldn't remain private. He was a man of great stature within the circles in which he operated, and she saw a little of the wizard who had attended the Ministry auction, being finely dressed and oozing arrogance as he introduced him to his associates.
By the time Snape had won the European Championship the couple had been together for almost five months. Hermione began thinking about her career prospects, but increasingly her time was spent wondering what her parents were doing. When she asked Snape to go with her to Sydney to see them, he had agreed without reservation, much to her relief.
SS
"It's been so long since we have seen Hermione in Sydney," her mother had said to Snape as they entered the restaurant in Sydney harbour. "Has your department been cutting back their travel budget?"
"Well, I am between jobs at the moment," she explained. "I left the Foreign Office a few months ago to take a career break and think about what I really wanted to do with my life. In the meantime, Severus and I have been travelling around Europe a little. He is an athlete, so he has competitions dotted around here and there."
"An athlete?" Hermione's father looked Severus up and down skeptically. "Which sport? Are you in the Olympics or something like that?"
Hermione stifled a giggle as Severus frowned and struggled for a reply. "Fencing, actually," she answered, having a little fun with their conversation.
"Fencing!" Her mother gasped. "Isn't that exciting, Wendell?! Just like Lord Byron."
Hermione suppressed a laugh.
"Indeed, it is… I don't think I have every met a fencer." Wendell replied skeptically.
"It isn't a terribly common sport," Severus added, glancing at Hermione disapprovingly.
"And how did you two meet?" Her mother asked. "Do you practice fencing as a hobby too?"
"I, er, actually won a competition a little while ago to have some fencing lessons with a professional. I went to Severus' training facility, and he left quite an impression."
Severus raised an enquiring eyebrow in her direction.
"So, what do you want to do now that you have left the Foreign Office," her father asked as they were seated at their table next to a large window. "Will you stay in politics or try your hand at something completely different?"
"I'm still not completely sure, to be honest," she confessed. "I think I might look at consultancy, that way I can use my experience in international relations, without having to get myself embroiled in the day to day cut and thrust of politics."
"And what's it like spending so much time in France? Wendell and I have always wanted to visit Paris, haven't we?"
Hermione watched her father nod vigorously and keenly felt the disappointment of them not being able to remember the summers they had spent when she was a small child, driving the caravan around Normandy.
"It lovely actually, Severus' house is in the countryside so it's quiet and peaceful, but not so remote that we can't go into town for lunch or to do some shopping. I'm trying to learn French too, though I am far from fluent at this point."
"I remember taking French at school," her mother replied. "Not that I can remember much past the basics… Je m'appelle Jean."
Hermione froze, watching the confused expression plastered across her mother's face.
"Oh, I don't know what that came from," Monika laughed nervously. "I meant Je m'appelle Monika, obviously."
Severus reached under the table to grasp Hermione's hand.
SS
A/N: Okay so it isn't the last one…