Chapter 6: Questions, Answers, Changes, and a Strange Encounter
The next morning, Ferb woke up in a funk, despite not being upset, for he could still remember his time travelling to the past...to see his future with his one true love. It seemed each day he wanted to see Gretchen more and more, just because. He still wanted to build things with his stepbrother, but not as much as he wanted to plot his and Gretchen's next date. The one thing that was on his mind, and Phineas' at the moment, was how they would ask their parents about love, and exactly understanding it. It was the one thing they were truly stumped on.
The two brothers hurried downstairs so as the questions they had didn't leave their brains. "MOM! MOM! I need to...huff...ask you something...huff...puff..." Ferb shouted while catching his breath. "So do I!" Phineas chimed in, prompting Ferb to look in his direction. "Wait, you do?" Phineas nodded. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Linda commanded, stopping them from going crazy. They hadn't done this since...well, never. "One at a time, please!" "Well, okay, bro. You go first." Phineas then started, "I need to talk to you about something..."
Linda walked over to the table where the boys were sitting at and sat down. "Yes? What's this about?" Phineas gulped. "Um...well...it's about love." He shuddered, waiting for her response. "Hmm...okay. Well, what do you want to know?" He could hear the firm tone in her voice and treaded lightly. Ferb watched quietly, hoping Phineas didn't say the wrong thing. "Well...I-Isabella keeps acting strange around me...and...I'm starting to feel weird around her..."
Linda nodded in response. "I see...well, you are at that age, Phineas. I mean, you boys do need to shower more, you've eaten slightly more than usual lately...you're going through puberty, you know!"
Phineas then asked, "But, mom...why? Why do I feel this way about Isabella? She's my...best friend, after Ferb of course!" Ferb lightly smiled as he looked at him when he said that last part. "And..." Ferb butted in, , "I've been feeling something similar...about Gretchen." Ferb sighed.
"Really?" Linda asked in shock, "That badly, huh? You two seemed like you just met! You hardly talked about girls, much less Gretchen, until a few days ago. It used to be that strange goth girl that Candace is friends with." Phineas snickered, prompting Ferb to lightly punch his shoulder. "HEY! That was one time! Besides, she's too old for me. Gretchen is the one for me...being my same age and everything." He blushed. Phineas sighed. "Okay, you two..." Linda put up her finger. "I understand your feelings are hard to handle and figure out, but there IS something you can do." Phineas and Ferb asked, "What? What?"
"You take it slow and see where the relationships go over time." Linda simply said. The boys looked at each other. "That's it?"
"Yes." Linda confirmed, "Love is just one of those things in the world that are just entirely too difficult to understand...even for geniuses such as yourself!" Linda walked over and ruffled Phineas' hair, then kissed the two on their cheeks. "You just have to go through it for yourself to get the bigger picture." The two sat there dumbfounded, thinking that the feeling of love can be cracked down like a really tough Algebra problem.
"Heh...thanks, mom." Phineas huffed, happy that he got the answer. It wasn't the one he and Ferb were expecting, but it was something. "Oh, you're welcome. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Linda said, smiling as she walked out the door. "Well, I'm off to the antique store. I just remembered that I have a sale to make today that's very, very important. I'll see you later!" "Bye, mom!" The boys waved as the door shut, finding it strange that she just left abruptly. The whole conversation WAS weird to them. They couldn't, at the moment think about what they were going to do today, but rather, about what their mother told them...the most simple answer to their complicated, muddled question.
(Ferb had felt something on his bed. "Oh, there you are, Perry. Where were you today, boy?" Perry did his trademark chattering sound as he had climbed on Ferb's bed.)
What WAS Perry doing all this time?
Perry the Platypus did his usual routine of running away from Phineas and the gang's whereabouts, putting on his fedora and entering his secret entrance of the day: this time, it was a large carnival-type tent that was built into the ground. He entered the door and slid down the tube to his lair. He sat in his chair awaiting Major Monogram's command.
"There you are, Agent P, we got word that the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been...actually not out doing anything evil! Carl, is this true?"
Carl hastily looked through some documents and checked his radar on the computer. "Yes, sir. I'm afraid it is." Monogram then commanded, "Well...then...you'd still better check on him, just in case he's plotting something in secret...or, you know, to see if he's alri-oh, what am I saying? He's a very rich scientist! I'm sure he's living the life! Anyway...yeah...go check it out, Agent P. Monogram out!"
Perry gave a salute as the TV screen shut off and walked off and jumped into his hovercar. He could hear his speaker playing his theme song, winking at the mirror inside.
Doo-bee, Doo-bee, Doo, BAH, Doo-bee, Doo-bee, Doo, BAH,
PERRY! Several female singers sang together. Perry never understood why he was given a theme song, but didn't care. He drove his hovercar toward Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, which had the word "Evil" crossed out.
Doofenshmirtz...Incorporated! The jingle singers known as The Slacks, sang their best, though stopped since the sign no longer said "Evil" on it. They wouldn't sing what they didn't see on the cue cards.
Perry made his way to Doofenshmirtz's master room door, and knocked lightly. Usually, he would crash into the wall next to it with his powerful webbed feet, but this time, he sensed something was wrong with Dr. Doofenshmirtz, so he cut him (and his expensive wall) some slack. Perry instinctively grabbed the knob to the door and turned it, finding it already open. He looked around the room, and couldn't see anything noteworthy...except the sounds of clashing cans coming from the next room. Perry tried to get a good look, and saw Doofenshmirtz...packing? But why? Perry was expecting another one of his many traps to stop him...none were installed...and...where was the Inator of the day that he would have to destroy? Nothing.
"Hmm? Oh, Perry the Platypus! What a pleasant surprise, and by pleasant, I mean..." Doofenshmirtz looked like he was going to attack, so Perry entered a battle stance, attracting his attention. "Wait! No no no! I was just going to say that...you really surprised me!" Perry pointed to the boxes in his hands. "Huh? Oh. You're wondering why I'm packing?" Perry nodded.
Doof guided Perry to the couch, setting the box down for him to sit on. "You see, Perry the Platypus, I decided to give up evil. It just really isn't my thing anymore. I mean...you always stop me, so I say...what's the point?" Perry gave a worried look. "What? Oh, no no no! I'm not depressed or anything! I just...took some time and realized that I need to, you know, find something new to do. Become a whole new Doofenshmirtz." Perry then gestured as to ask, But what about all your Inators? Are you still going to build them? He pointed to the boxes of scrap parts. "Oh...you want to know if I'm still going to build my Inators? Yes. I haven't forgotten about those. Instead of taking over the Tri-State Area, I'll just...build them to help the world. I want to do the right thing...for Vanessa." Perry tilted his head.
"My daughter, remember?" Perry nodded. "She must feel like such a laughingstock...having such a crazy evil scientist of a father..." He nearly started to tear up, but then excitedly stated, "...so the only thing I could think of changing was my overall look on my construct of routines that affect my everyday mood." Perry tilted his head again in confusion. "Ah, you don't understand. Well, worry not! Hang on! I think I can help with that." Doof leaves the room and pulls out a country guitar, strumming it a little before clearing his throat. He then started to quickly sing.
Doof: Oh, why must I keep the same routines?
Doof: (Doof is shown bending over, scrubbing the inside of a toilet.) I might go insane, resorting to clean a latrine... (speaking to Perry) That's a type of toilet, Perry the Platypus...ahem... (continues singing)
Doof: It makes me such a social pariah... (speaking again) That's an outcast... (continues singing) ...to be such a wicked papa...to my Vanessa...
(Doofenshmirtz is running from some OWCA guards) I decided to not be evil 'cause it's just so inconceivable to live a normal life while you're running for your life. (He stops and puts his hands up and holds a card with crudely-drawn letters saying "NOT EVIL" on it. The two guards look at each other and shrug, then leave. Doofenshmirtz walks away, then pulls out a picture of Vanessa.)
Doof: I can't imagine how unfair it is...to dread going over your "evil daddy's" house...
Doof: So in order to fix my reputation, for her I'm making a big sacrification!
(Doof then stops, then asks Perry the Platypus) Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Did "sacrification" just come out of my mouth? Is that a...is that even a word, Perry the Platypus? (Perry pulls out a small dictionary and gives it to Doof, prompting him to flip through the pages.) Hmm... It's in the letter "s" section, right? Let's see... Hmm... sack, salad, snowball, sweet, slick, sly, salty, succotash...these are all out of order! Who the heck writes a dictionary where the words aren't out of order? (Perry shrugs.) Talk about bad design... Huh. Well, I...I don't see the wo-hey! It is! Sorry, it just felt funny to me coming out of my mouth...like...sacrificati-okay, I'll stop now. I got a song to finish!
(Doof continues to strum at his guitar.)
Doof: Despite my immense transgressions, I surely am confessin', that I really am trying to be a good, good guy-i-yi-i-yi-i-yi! (Doof held that last note, then needed to cough. Perry walked up and patted his back.) Ah, oh, thank you, Perry the Platypus. Now, where was I? Ahem... (continues singing)
Doof: I don't want to clean latrines, I really don't wanna be mean.
Doof: Instead, I'd trade it all for my daughter's approval, you see?
Doof: It makes me such a social pariah...to be such a wicked papa...to my Vanessa...
Doof: I can't imagine how unfair it is (For real...)...to dread going over your "evil daddy's" house...(Can you imagine?)
Doof: So in order to fix my reputation (You see...) for her I'm making a big sacrification! (That's a word, by the way.)
Doof: Oh, I will fix my reputation!
(Several of Doofenshmirtz's choir girls come out of nowhere, shocking Perry.) He will fix his reputation...
Doof: For my dear Vanessa...
Choir girls: For his daughter Vanessa...
Doof: I will make a...
Choir girls: No doubt he'll make a...
Doof: I really want to...
Choir girls: He so does want to...
Doof: Make a really, really, really, really, really, really, (Wow, that's a lot of "reallies".)
BIG SACRIFICATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-oh. (Doof then coughs again from holding the high note and breathes in.) -OOOOOOOON!
And that's giving up my evil scientist ways!
(The choir girls leave.)
Doofenshmirtz sets down the guitar and Perry walks back and sits down. "Now, do you understand why I gave up evil?" Perry nodded, holding up a picture of Vanessa. "Yes! Yes!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed. "It's all because of Vanessa! She needs a father who isn't weird or...could get in trouble with the government, or whatever." Perry stared blankly, then gestured, If you're not going to be evil anymore, then what ARE you going to do? Doof took note of this and said, "Well, I'll probably take up bowling...of course, there is the new lacrosse tournament coming up...maybe I should practice for that? What do you think?" Perry gave a thumbs up. "Hmm...bowling it is. Come on! Let's get us signed up as bowling buddies!" And off the two former rivals went, off to start Doofenshmirtz's new life of evil. "Oh, and I should probably change the atmosphere of my room, you think? It doesn't feel as new as I want it to."
"So, I was thinking maybe, we just put the two of you guys...Ferb and Gretchen together in the same room, and then see what happens?" Baljeet responded. Phineas and Ferb had asked him for suggestions on how to spend their day. Ferb shook his head. "That's much less a social experiment, and more an awkward moment between friends." Buford interrupted. "Oh! Oh! Oh! I know! Pick me!" He waved his hand profusely.
"Okay...Buford. What's your idea?" Baljeet asked reluctantly. "Uh...hmm...nah. Got nothin'."
"Anyone else?" Phineas' hand went up. "We just take the girls out on a double date. We didn't do-"Buford interrupted Phineas, "OR, we can take them on a nice double date and...uh...what was that last part?"
Phineas shook his head and sighed. "Buford...I was just going to suggest that we take them out on a nice double date. That's all." Ferb sighed. "This is why you don't interrupt people..." He said under his breath.
Buford walked over to Ferb's side and threatened, "You want a piece of me, Fletcher?" Phineas got in front of Ferb and said, "Whoa! Guys! No need to get physical...we're all friends here...right? Right." Buford walked back to his seat when he saw Phineas' glare. He was the one who told Candace to never make Phineas angry, but he went and did it. "Sorry, man." "It's alright. Remember, keep moving forward? That's my motto." Buford nodded and gave a thumbs up. He then looked over to Ferb. "Uh...sorry, Ferb. I would never actually hurt you...I just...the ideas just spill out of me, you get it?" Ferb reluctantly nodded. Baljeet cleared his throat, and everyone looked at him. "Don't you think we should be going back to the plan?" A collective array of "Oh yeah" and "Yeah" and "Alright" filled the room at that moment. Baljeet smiled as he successfully got the boys back on track. They suddenly heard the door open, and on the other side, they saw Isabella walking in.
"Hey, guys..." Isabella greeted, before turning to Phineas, and dreamily said, "Hey, Phineas..." Phineas blushed at this, prompting Buford to snicker to himself. Baljeet just looked at him as if to say, "Really?" "H-hey, Isabella." Phineas managed to say. "Whatcha guys doin'?" Isabella casually asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table.
"Well," Phineas held up a paper nervously, "...Ferb and I were..." Before he could finish, Phineas could hear Buford clear his throat as he and Baljeet were glaring at him and crossing their arms. "I...I mean, me, Ferb, Buford and Baljeet...heh, heh...were discussing what we should do today."
"Oh, I see." Isabella replied. "Well, what did you guys come up with?"
"Nothin' too important..." Buford shrugged, "...just these guys were goin' on and on about talking about taking you and that other Fireside Girl that Ferb here's got the hots for on a real expensive date..." He then covered his mouth, realizing he said too much. The other three boys sighed. "Oh...my!" Isabella exclaimed, overwhelmed at the thought Phineas actually thought of that. "R-really?"
"N-no...that's...way off base, buddy." Phineas said, through gritted teeth. He felt like knocking some sense into the blabbermouth known as Buford Van Stomm, but he contained himself from getting too angry. "I...well...that's...Okay, fine! That's what we said...sort of!"
"Minus the expensive date part," Ferb clarified. Baljeet nodded his head in response. "Yes. We didn't say anything of the sort. Besides, don't we know we're all lacking any fundage?"
"Fundage?" Buford said, confused. "Um...could you say that in ENGLISH?" Baljeet sighed, "I mean, we hardly have any money!" "Oh, right. We're just kids after all!"
"I have a suggestion..." Isabella said, specifically to Phineas as she held his hand, making him blush. "W-what?"
"What if we...um...try to catch that movie that's coming out...Space Adventure 6...and then..." Isabella took a breath, then quickly said, "...weholdhandstheentirewaythereandthenwhenthere'sareallyscarypartIcanclimbonyourlapwouldn'tthatbesoromanticImeanreallythatideaisthemostsimpleIcanthinkofforadateespeciallywithsomeoneasadventurousandcuteasyourselfwaitdidIsaycuteImeantmanly..."
"Uh oh..." Buford said, worried. "She's stuck in Phineas Land again." "What's Phineas Land?" Phineas asked, confused. "Well, it's just a thing Isabella does when she gets into a deep unexplainable trance about...you." Ferb pointed out. "Aaaand, it makes her talk like a hyperactive kid listing the things they want for Christmas." Baljeet deducted. "I've seen her enter it before, but...never like this." "Well, what do we do?" Phineas asked. "I suggest we back away slowly and out of the room while she doesn't notice...in three...two...one...NOW!" Buford suggested, and the boys left the stuck Isabella in the kitchen.
"...andtheninthefuturejustlikewesawwecangetmarriedandhavelotsandlotsofchildrenandthengrowoldandgraytogetherwhileallourchildrenareincollegeand..." Isabella's 'Phineas Land' trance finally broke, and she took heavy breaths, and looked around to find that her friends have left. "Guys?" She called out in the quiet kitchen. The door to the living room was locked. "Guys! Hey! This isn't funny! Open up!" She banged furiously on the door. On the other side, she could hear Buford laughing. "I knew locking her in there was a good idea! Now, let's go over the plan one more time..." Isabella growled. "Grr...Buford, when I get out of here, I'm going to make you pay! This is not how to treat a lady!"
"Huh? Isabella? Are you okay?"
Isabella turned behind her to see Phineas, Ferb, Buford, and Baljeet. "Wha-what just happened? Why are you...then who's...?" She could hear a high-pitched laugh and recognized it. "Irving..." Irving opened the kitchen door and snickered. "Hey! You fell for my Buford impression! Hee hee hee! Did you like it?"
"What the heck is HE doing here?" Isabella pointed at Irving as she asked Phineas. "Uh...I don't know. How DID he get in here?"
"Yeah," Baljeet wondered, "We just walked out the back. We didn't know Irving snuck inside."
"He's always stalking us..." Ferb said, with his fists balled, "We shouldn't forget that he literally has a 'scrapbook' full of tufts of our hair!" "Ew..." Phineas cringed, "How did he even get those?"
"Doesn't matter." Buford pounded his fists, then walked up to Irving. "Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY walks in to MY FRIENDS' house without permission, and NOBODY scares Isabella...but me!" Very comforting, Buford... Isabella thought to herself, lightly smirking. "Now, I'd suggest you get out of here, before your underpants becomes the mix-up that is the wedgie of the CENTURY!" "Aaah! Okay! I'm leaving!" Irving scrambled his way to the front door, and as he left, the gang could overhear him say, "Sheesh. Never meet your heroes..."
"AND DON'T COME BACK!" Buford yelled. "Uh, Buford?" Baljeet said. "What?" Buford turned his head, still a little angry. "He's already gone."
"Oh, I know." Buford smirked. "I just like doing what they do in the movies where they yell at the person they're telling to leave and they're not even in the scene."
"Ahem..." Ferb cleared his throat. "Shouldn't we get back to discussing the plan?"
"Yeah," Phineas agreed, "And while we're at it, we should make this place "Irving-proof"." Isabella giggled upon hearing that. "Oh, Phineas..."
So, after defending their home against a crazed Phineas and Ferb fan, the gang decided to put their newfound plan in action...whatever it turned out to be.
Ferb thought it was strange how the weeks so far went from him meeting Gretchen, to them going on an awkward date, and now to being absolutely stumped on how to go about taking their lovers out on a date, no matter the cost. They had to figure SOMETHING out, and quickly, before they wasted a perfectly good summer day like today.
Next chapter: Putting a plan in action...and bowling shenanigans.