NORB SLAMMED the remote control on the TV and gave Dag a glare. "It's not working!"
"Did you hit the side of the TV?" said Dag from the comfort of a sofa cushion.
"Yeah, I hit it three times!"
"Did you pull out the coaxial and put it back in?"
"Out and in. Just like you do when you're all alone with Wolffie Wolf."
Dag lifted an eyebrow in amazement of Norb's innuendous wit. "Well, that's getting a little personal," he muttered. "Did you change the batteries?"
"TVs don't have batteries..."
"In the remote, you radish!"
Norb pulled the clamp off the back of the remote and aimed the fresh batteries at Dag, then folded his arms over his chest and said, "You need a new TV."
"No, you know what I need?" said Dag in an unnervingly calm voice. "PLUG THE DAMN THING IN!"
Norb flinched and saw that the plug was sitting flaccidly on the floor. "Oh, yeah, I'd better do it," he said distantly. "Just like you do with Wolffie Wolf."
Norb inserted the male plug into the female outlet (which gave a lusty moan), and with three sexy taps of the TV, the screen lit up.
And in the center of the screen were five women sitting at a table, and below the table was a sign that said, "THE VIEW."
The Hispanic Republican one was going on about Donald Trump, and it was like a bunch of cats fighting over a can of tuna. The argument swelled into a screechy lesbian eye-scratching that looked like it was on the cusp of turning into a simultaneous bra ripping, and the beavers—the male ones, on the other side of the TV—became quiet and thoughtful.
"I think I learned a very important lesson, Norb," said Dag.
"Don't fight?"
"No."
"Don't be a Republican?"
"Well, there's that, but no," said Dag.
"Whenever girls come by, act all gentlemanly and nice, so that if they start fighting, they're fighting over you and not something trivial?"
"Um...no."
"Then what is it?"
"Next time, plug in the damn TV."
Despite flushing in humiliation, Norb agreed that this was the proper lesson, and the two beavers sat watching the argument in quiet contemplation.
"Why does your hair look like Trump's?" said Dag.
"Shut up, or the remote goes in your ass."
Dag shrugged and muttered, "Better that than you."
the end