CHAPTER 5

Two days later the Shamus O'Flynn sets sail for San Francisco with Jeremy and Candy on board. In their room, Jeremy is laying on the bed with Candy sitting by his bedside.

"Feeling better?" she asks as she places a wet cloth over his forehead.

"Yeah, a little. At least the room is not spinning around any more. Still have a little headache though."

"Well, you just lay here and rest." She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. "Jeremy? Have you had any of those dizzy spells before?"

Jeremy hesitates then he answers, "A few, but nothing like this one today. Maybe its because of the movement of the ship."

"Could be," she replies.

"I'm sorry for not telling you. I just didn't want to worry you more than you're already worrying." He looks at her sheepishly with those big beautiful blue eyes. "Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad. But I do wish you'd have told me. Are there any more symptoms that you haven't told me about?"

Jeremy gives a slight chuckle, "I have felt a little nauseous. I think I may be pregnant."

Candy is shocked by his answer and tears spring to her eyes. "Jeremy Bolt! Don't make jokes about this. There's nothing funny about it."

"Hey, I'm sorry," he says as he takes her hand in his. "I was just trying to lighten the mood in here. I wanted to put a little smile on your face. Forgive me?"

"Of course, but please take this seriously."

"I will. I am. I promise."

"Now then, I think you should stay in our room for the duration of the trip. I'll bring you your meals and. . ."

"Candy, no. I have to try to live a normal life. I can't hide away in here and I don't want to be treated like an invalid. But I do promise not to do anything strenuous. I'll take it easy, I promise," he replies.

"Oh all right. That's something at least. I'll be by your side every step of the way to remind you of that."

Raising her hand to his lips, he kisses her fingertips saying, "I'm counting on that. Would you lay with me for awhile?"

"I would love to," she says as she takes her shoes off and lays in his open arms that he has spread open for her.

He wraps his arms around her, then kisses her forehead before saying, "We'll get through this, Candy. I know we will." But in his mind he has doubts.

"I know it too," she says, but in her mind she has doubts, too.

After being on the ocean for almost a week, Jeremy and Candy are taking their last nightly stroll before they sail into San Francisco sometime tomorrow. Candy has her hand tucked into the fold of Jeremy's arm. "Jeremy, you're awfully quiet tonight? Is something wrong?"

"Wrong? What possibly could be wrong?" Jeremy snaps at her.

Stopping and pulling her hand away from him she says, "Well, you don't have to bite my head off. I just thought maybe you wanted to talk since you seem to be out of sorts. But excuse me, I'll leave you to your thoughts." She turns to go back to their cabin.

Jeremy grabs her arm saying, "Wait. I'm sorry, Candy. I didn't mean to snap at you like that. You of all people. Please stay."

She hesitates, then says, "All right, but would you please tell me what's wrong?"

He leans on the rail and stares into the vast dark ocean. "Where do I start? There's so much I need to say to you." He takes a deep breath and begins, "I'm scared, Candy. I'm scared it's a brain tumor and we both know if it is, then I won't be around much longer."

"If it is a tumor, they can operate, can't they?"

"Yes, they can, but it won't help any. It may even speed up my demise."

Candy is shocked. "How do you know that?"

"Allyn told me. She said there has never been a successful removal of a brain tumor before. The patient always dies either on the table or soon after. Candy, if it is a tumor, I'm not going to have the surgery. I'll just go back home and wait till my time runs out. Home with you, my family, and friends on our mountain in Seattle is how I want to die."

"Oh Jeremy, don't talk like that," she cries. "You can't give up."

"I'm not giving up, I'm just facing reality." He puts his hands on his temples and rubs.

"Do you have a headache?"

"I always have a headache. It's just getting bigger, that's all," he says in almost a whisper.

"Why don't you take some laudanum and lay down for a bit."

"All right, I think I will. You coming, too?" he asks hopefully.

"Of course." She places her arm around his waist and helps him back to their cabin. After seeing that he takes a dose of laudanum and lays down, she sits by his side and places a cold wet cloth on his forehead. Jeremy has already passed out.

"I love you, Jeremy," she whispers as she takes his hand in hers and kisses it. What am I going to do if you leave me? I can't do life without you. Oh, I wish for once that Jason and Joshua were here. I know you told them to stay home and you'd wire them if you needed them, but I think we both need them right now. I guess we'll just have to wait until we find out the results of your tests. She closes her eyes. Dear Lord, please, help Jeremy. Please don't let it be a brain tumor. Don't let him suffer any longer. He is such a good, kind, gentle soul with a heart of gold. He would give the shirt off his back to help someone. Now he needs help. Please heal him. Jeremy is my life. I need him, especially now. We all need him. Amen