It was just a movie night. That's what she kept telling herself. Nothing more than a movie night with a friend: a good friend. A movie night with Clark, no different than the countless other movie nights they had shared before. However, if it was just a normal night, then why was her stomach doing flips all day - waiting for the hours at work to fly by? She couldn't quite place why she was feeling this way, restless and excited. It was stupid. The more she tried to concentrate, the more she was distracted. She glanced up at the clock; its hands seeming to move with a deliberate laziness, as if time itself had grown weary of its relentless march forward. "Not even lunchtime", she thought with an exasperated sigh. Time must be playing some sort of joke on her today.
She glanced over at her partner's empty desk wondering where he kept running off to. Clark was always somewhat squirrelly like that. Always stumbling over some excuse to run off and leave a room. She wondered sometimes if he had some sort of social anxiety or bladder problem. For a man that she'd never seen go to the doctor, he probably could use a visit.
Shaking her head, she tried turning her attention to the screen in front of her. Come on, Lois, just write something, even an outline for an article would help the day pass quicker. Placing her hands on her keyboard, she tried to force the words out, but she couldn't stop thinking about the dumb non-date she had with Clark and what it meant. She felt like a ship out at sea, tossed effortlessly by the rough waters. And the more she thought about it, the more anxious she got.
She and Clark already didn't have the best track record with these things. Their timing was never quite right. It was like the universe was showing her a bright red flag, yet she continued to ignore it. She almost had to chuckle at that. It would take the signs hitting her smack in the face for her to take them seriously at all or even see them.
But a movie night wasn't a date, she reasoned with herself, and it wasn't starting anything. That's what they had agreed yesterday. So why did she feel like a whole circus was in her stomach? She even missed her post breakfast pre-lunch snack because she couldn't quite calm the rising tide of it all.
Lois was more than happy when she heard the crackle of her police radio coming to life. Great, finally something to pass the time. She grabbed her jacket and ran out of the bullpen, eager for anything that might provide a distraction from the current tempest in her mind.
Clark on the other hand was having a great day. The thought of the normalcy this movie night would bring him and Lois seemed to calm any nerves he had had the past week. He was starting to feel like his boat was being tethered again to the dock after days lost at sea. He didn't realize how calming Lois truly was for him considering the stress she seemed to bring to his life with her brazen and impulsive attitude. But, she also grounded him in a way he hadn't felt since his father was alive. She never allowed him to wallow in his self-pity and was never afraid to tell him exactly what he needed to hear; good or bad. He was only now realizing that she had become a constant in his life.
In order to distract him from his excitement of the night, he decided to double time his Blur duties. That tended to keep his mind busy on the days he couldn't sit still. Lucky for him, there was plenty of Blur activity needed that day. He kept running in and out of the bullpen hoping Lois didn't notice his half assed excuses or press on them. She never did, and he liked that about her. She was perfectly okay with Clark just being himself.
The hours seemed to tick by slowly for him more so than usual. Even with all the extra activity, it wasn't going by fast enough. He sighed as he continued to race off for another save. Maybe time would move faster if he did.
Finally, evening fell, and Clark made his way to the farm. He quickly showered and changed out of his Blur gear and began setting up for the night. He began popping the popcorn and made sure there was at least one blanket and pillow for Lois on the couch. Even though she claimed every time she wasn't going to fall asleep, she always seemed to.
Gleaning the DVD collection, he smiled to himself as he picked out some of her favorite movies. Tonight had to go perfectly. His relationship with Lois depended on it. He needed to make sure any tension that remained from the wedding incident was resolved tonight, and he needed to make sure she wasn't going to run off somewhere the first chance she got. Yes, Clark had it in his mind that tonight would be about normalcy. He'd deal with progressing it further after that.
Lois approached the farmhouse door, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears nervously. Today had been the slowest day of her life, and now the thing she had been waiting for had finally arrived. Movie night. She took a deep breath trying to calm her nerves, the nerves that were urging her to flee in the opposite direction. She reached for her phone debating sending a cancellation text and bolting, but something inside her stopped her. Clark was her best friend and partner at the paper, and she couldn't run from him forever. She was sure he wouldn't let her.
Taking one more deep breath, she put her hand on the door, squared her face in a smile, and opened it. "Hey, Smallville, I hope you're ready for an epic movie night," she announced making her way into the farmhouse. She briefly inspected the preparations he had made for their night. Had he always been so methodical about the setup she wondered, looking around and noticing the popcorn and the blanket and pillow. She racked her brain trying to remember a time when he didn't have these things ready for her but couldn't come up with anything. Maybe the nerves of it all made her actually notice this time.
"Hey, Lo," he said gesturing her towards the couch, "I picked out some movies for tonight," he stated proudly as he watched her make her way into the living room. She seemed hesitant which put Clark a little on edge. Hesitant did not make for a perfect night of normalcy. Hesitant meant distraction and overthinking.
Lois schooled her features pushing aside her initial thoughts. Rolling her eyes, she shook her head at Clark and grabbed the DVDs. "Let me guess, you picked 'Old Yeller' and all those other boring movies you love," she quipped. But, as she looked at the DVDs, she realized they weren't his favorites, they were hers. She swallowed slightly wondering if he always paid attention to things like this, and she just never noticed. She quickly tried to change her expression and continue on with the usual banter. "Well look-ey here, looks like the farm boy has developed some taste." She smirked over at him on the couch as she picked "Die Hard" to watch and handed him the DVD. "Chop chop, Smallville, movie night waits for no one."
Clark rolled his eyes and grabbed the DVD from her hands, popping it into the player. Good, he thought, even though she was hesitant, it seemed she was still willing to keep the status quo, and that meant she wasn't running. He made his way back to the couch and got comfortable as the movie started. He picked up the bowl of popcorn and offered it to Lois in an attempt to show her his only agenda for tonight was their friendship.
To an extent, Lois appreciated Clark trying to be normal about this whole thing when so much had happened in the last week. She gave a small smile and grabbed the bowl from him. As she munched on the popcorn, she realized just how quiet she was being. That wasn't normal for her, and she knew it, but she couldn't get a nagging feeling out of her mind. Clark wasn't doing anything or pushing anything, and that's what irked her. He was a hopeless romantic, she thought for sure he would try something tonight, and she was prepared for it. But he was doing nothing!
She squirmed a little trying to focus on the movie, to make her usually quippy comments and distract her mind. This is what she wanted after all, right? To avoid the topic of the wedding and any lingering feelings from it. To be able for them to function as they always have. Then why was she so bothered by his lack of action? Why was her brain telling her to bring it all up and hash it out? Why was Clark not being his stupid dumb farm boy self and bringing it up like he normally would? Was this his way of friend-zoning her somehow?
Her thoughts were broken by him finally talking. "You're thinking pretty loudly over there," he commented causing her to look over at him. The minute she did, she regretted it. Where before he was calm and almost relaxed, now he was looking a little unnerved. It seemed he had picked up on her uncharacteristically quiet demeanor. Crap.
"Trying to enjoy the movie here, Smallville," she bit out sarcastically hoping it covered her in even the slightest. Why did she always do that to him, try to sarcastic her way out of being honest? Glancing over at him, it was clear he didn't buy it, but he also didn't push.
"Usually, I can't get you to shut up during these movies," he commented leaning back on the couch. Clark was putting on a normal act for Lois, and he knew it. She was off tonight, and he couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. "Maybe now I'll finally be able to enjoy the movie in peace," he finished hoping it would snap her out of whatever weird thoughts were swirling in her head.
Acting on instinct, she snorted and threw some popcorn at him. "You wish," she said noticing his small upturned smile at her response. Had he always enjoyed when she was trying to actively annoy him? Or was this more a recent thing, and she just never noticed? Why couldn't she stop noticing all these small things that she'd otherwise been able to easily look past? She squirmed in her seat again and looked down at the popcorn bowl. "I'm going to put more butter on this," she stated abruptly scurrying from the couch.
Creating distance is what she needed at this moment to get her head on straight. She knew he noticed her weird behavior, and she normally wasn't the weird one. Having arrived in the kitchen, she pretended to sift through the fridge and took a deep breath. Come on, Lane. This is just a movie night with you and Clark like any other. Quit being weird. She rolled her eyes at her own thoughts. She had felt like a fish out of water all night, and she wasn't sure why.
"Lois," Clark said meekly, making her jump slightly and turn towards him clearly annoyed. "Have I done something wrong here," he asked throwing her his best puppy dog eyes that shown with concern.
Lois sighed and crossed her arms across her chest. "Other than scaring the crap out of me," she asked looking at him expectantly as he nodded. She paused, not even sure herself how to answer this. Bouncing between being honest and diverting, she played ping pong in her head until one side won out. "No, Smallville, I just had a tense day at work is all," she replied trying to school her features to match what she was saying. Great, Lane, diverting is what you do best.
Clark nodded his head slowly, still not buying it. "You've been," he paused, mulling over his words before picking the one he felt best fit the scenario, "quiet," he grimaced. A quiet Lois always made him nervous. She usually talked about everything and anything in her head to an almost annoying amount. Quiet felt foreboding to him when it came to her. As if she was mulling over a sentence that she was about to judge him on.
Lois winced slightly at his observation. Crap. It seemed she and Clark were going to play this game of chicken about all this until one of them caved, and Lois wasn't going to be the one to do it. She wouldn't admit, even to herself, that she was more bothered than Clark about all of it. "I can be quiet sometimes," she lamely responded acting offended by his observation. If she was lucky, he would drop it and retreat like his usual Smallville way.
Clark, however, wasn't standing down. He could've handled an avoidant Lois trying to talk about everything but this - a quiet, avoidant Lois was not something he was willing to let go. "Right," he sarcastically bit back as he rolled his eyes.
"What's that supposed to mean," she argued back, annoyed he wasn't following the usual script.
Rolling his eyes, he threw up his hands. "Lois, if you want to pretend this is how you normally are, sure, fine." He paused as he started to walk away before something in him stopped him. Why does he always let her get away with this? Is he really so scared of losing her completely that he's not willing to even try? He debated with himself for a brief pause on what his next play would be.
He turned towards her almost colliding with her, not realizing she started to move towards the living room.
"What the hell, Clark," she bit out taking a step back from his orbit in fear that his gravity would bring her so far in that she'd fall.
"No, I've decided I'm not going to let you pretend this is normal," he shot back crossing his arms and staring at her. "So what's going on in that head, Lois," he asked instantly knowing he triggered her fight and flight.
Lois swallowed looking at him like a raccoon caught digging through the trash. Time froze but not like it had frozen when they were on the dance floor. No, this time freeze felt like hell was freezing over, and she was stuck having to watch. She tried to blow past him with no luck, starting to feel like a caged animal. "Nothing, Clark," she bit back knowing saying his name at all was a blunder. "I've just had a long day." She stood her ground glaring at him daring him to push her farther.
He shook his head throwing up his hands. "I'm really trying here, Lois," he responded almost pleadingly. "I'm not pushing you; I've tried to set this all up so we could have a fun night, and I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong here." He kept his gaze on hers equally not backing down. Normally, he knew he would give her the space, and he'd let her continue with the charade, but too much had happened. He wasn't willing to let things slide like before if it meant losing what they had.
Lois swallowed heavily feeling less confident in her stance. Why was she acting so out of character? He wasn't pushing her, and he had pretty much set up the perfect movie night for her. Is that what was bugging her? The circus in her stomach was back performing in full as her mind raced. Run, Lois, run, her brain screamed. Her body did not listen. She stood there looking both irritated and caught off guard. "I don't know why you think you did anything," she finally responded keeping her irritated tone.
He snorted rolling his eyes. "Maybe because you haven't been acting like yourself all night." He gestured towards her as if he was proving a point. "So, clearly I've messed up somehow." He paused trying to figure out what she was thinking. This night was supposed to be perfect. It was supposed to make them Lois and Clark again, busting each other's chops and being normal, or at least whatever was normal for them. "How do I fix it," he asked again a small tone of pleading was in his voice. Couldn't she see this was all for her? To help make her comfortable again.
"I," she hesitated looking anywhere but at him. "I don't know, Clark," she finally got out turning back to the kitchen table and setting the bowl of popcorn down a little harder than she meant to. "This whole thing isn't normal," she expanded keeping her gaze to the kitchen window. She knew she lost the game of chicken in this moment. Clark was an oncoming car, and she was the one choosing to swerve out of the way. What a turn of events. "There was the wedding, and then a whole bunch of stuff in between," she kept going now more in rant mode. "Your ex was here, Clark. And I don't even know where we stand since the whole-" she cut herself off but the unspoken word fell between them anyway, kiss. She finally forced herself to turn and look at him trying her best to not show how she was feeling. "This should've been a normal night, but how can it be," she asked almost desperately.
Clark stood there, a little shocked she actually broke. He was sure she was going to run out the door the minute he pushed, but she didn't. Although, he wasn't too sure how long that would actually last. As she turned towards him, he swallowed thickly as his blue eyes met her green ones. "I don't know," he answered honestly. He tried to make it normal, but it seems he flew too close to the sun on this one.
"Exactly," she finished briefly breaking eye contact with him not sure how they proceed from here.
Clark hesitantly took a small step forward hoping she wouldn't run out the door because of it. "Maybe, instead of movie night, we actually talk," he offered meekly knowing she hated talking about all this. He'd be lucky if she stayed now.
Lois squirmed. Run! Run! Run! Her brain screamed for the second time that night. She didn't do feelings, that was not her thing. And this could mean more than what she was willing to bargain for, but still she stayed standing there shocked, scared, and yet unmoving. Ollie's words played in her head of ripping the bandaid off and fighting. The problem with that logic is that usually someone always got hurt in a fight. But maybe you need to burn a little foliage to make room for greener pastures. "Maybe," she mumbled out as her brain chastised her at all for suggesting it. But, it was too late, she'd made her decision, and now she was going to have to face whatever consequences were to come from it.
He didn't know what to do now. Lois agreed to talk, and she just kept standing there looking like a caught criminal. How does one even approach all this in a way that doesn't make Lois Lane want to leave and never see him again? He sighed dropping his arms and nodding. "Okay, kitchen table," he asked gesturing towards it, waiting for her to make the first move.
Nodding her head, she made her way towards the table and sat down. She could still hear the movie playing lowly in the background. She cleared her throat a little and opened her mouth only to close it not even knowing where to begin. Contemplating her next words as she sat in silence, she finally landed on something. "So you and Lana," she asked feeling immediately stupid about bringing that up first. What was she, some jealous girlfriend?
He sat and listened surprised by her first question, but also not. It was something she needed to know but didn't directly involve her. He sighed and looked at her. "What about me and Lana," he asked, gently encouraging her to own up to what she wanted.
She cleared her throat and responded awkwardly. "I mean, what happened? I didn't exactly hear from you when I was gone so…" she trailed off, waiting for him to provide an answer.
He nodded his head knowingly. "Lois, I didn't text you very much because I thought you didn't want me to," he responded honestly and sheepishly. He knew they were on a tightrope with this whole conversation, and he was trying not to teeter her over the edge. "When you left at the hospital, it felt like you were saying goodbye." He shrugged slightly at her realizing he probably should've made more of an effort. He really did have a lot more to learn in the subject of love.
"You still didn't answer the question," she persisted knowing his explanation was fair. She had made it seem like a permanent goodbye because it felt that way to her. She still wasn't fully convinced it wasn't going to be.
He nervously rubbed the back of his neck before looking back at her. "Lana and I talked and caught up," he started, watching her face for any sign of a reaction. Her unyielding defenses didn't allow him to glean anything. "As friends," he finished still trying to read her thoughts somehow. "We both decided that we're different people now. And that we needed to continue on our paths, separately." He shrugged again as if it wasn't that big of a thing, mostly because he realized it wasn't. All those years of pining and build up, and he thought letting Lana go would be the end of his world. Now that he'd done it, he realized that it might've been the end of his boyhood, but there were more chapters to write and stories to come. Now he knew, the ending of one chapter didn't mean the end of the story. Sometimes, you need to close one chapter in order to start the next one.
Lois nodded in response a little dumbfounded as a simple "oh," left her lips. She looked down at her fidgeting hands feeling a little stupid. In her head, Clark and Lana were the fairytale - the happily ever after romance saga. The perfect couple that was bound to always find their way back to each other even if it wasn't for the best for both of them. Never in her mind did she imagine them actually being adults about the whole thing. It seemed they all had grown up in some way over the past few years. "And you and I," she asked hesitantly, almost not wanting to. Did she really want to know his answer?
Flashing her a small and sincere smile, he made sure he was making eye contact with her. How was he to describe all the thoughts in his head the past week or even the past year? He knew she was scared, and he was too. They both didn't want to lose what they had built between them. "I'm not sure," he answered honestly seeing slight hurt in her eyes. He backtracked slightly trying to help his case. "I personally think that we're good friends. Best friends even and partners. And I'm not going to deny there's something between us, at least that's what it felt like at the wedding," he admitted waiting for her usual chatty self to kick in. When he was only met with silence, he continued. "I don't know what that means for us," he finished answering as honestly as he could.
Again, she nodded her head in response, absorbing his words. Did she even know what was going on with her and Clark? Was it fair to even ask him that given how she'd reacted? She furrowed her brows in thought in an effort to organize her thoughts. When it came to Clark, she always had issues thinking completely rationally. That's why she usually pushed his buttons. "So, where does that leave us," she asked again not really wanting to fully know his answer as she wasn't sure she had one herself.
Making eye contact with him, she looked into his sincere baby blues that seemed to be fully attentive on her. How had she not noticed his looks towards her recently had changed? How had she not started to see that pining in his eyes for her? Or even the soft sincerity he always tried to convey to her? Had she really always been this blind, or was she just denying it all in hopes she was wrong?
"I guess that's dependent on what both of us want to do," he answered trying to convey to her how much he cared about her and what this all would mean for them. He gave her a small encouraging smile as he asked, "what do you want, Lois?" There, the scariest question he could think of had been posed. There was no coming back from the consequences that were bound to lie before him. He felt himself holding his breath waiting for her answer.
She swallowed thickly, reflecting on his question. When was the last time anyone asked her that? She spent her whole life following orders from her father, having little to no choice in a lot of his matters. After she came to Smallville, she was worried about taking care of Chloe and then making sure Mr. Kent's campaign went well. And then it hit her, the last person to ask her what she wanted was Martha Kent when she was quitting being her Chief of Staff. Had really only one person ever asked her that in her life? Well, now two people, and she saw now the apple did not fall from the tree when it came to Clark and his parents.
What did she want? The question bounced around in her head as she thought it over. "I guess-" she started as she paused to bite the inside of her mouth in anxiety. "I want us to be Lois and Clark," she answered as if that were an answer. Clark looked at her with confusion in his eyes, pleading she would give him anything more. "I mean, I like our friendship." Another pause trying to sift through her hurricane of a mind. "I'm not saying we couldn't maybe pursue the other thing, but I don't want to force it or put pressure on it," she answered honestly. And that was it. The anxiety and nervousness she had been feeling all day had been pin-pointed. By herself having acknowledged what this could be, she had put so much pressure on it in her mind. The realization almost made her relax slightly. "Maybe we just hang out like we do, and if things organically go in a direction, then we take it one step at a time," she finished feeling like she offered him a peace treaty of sorts. She smiled at him tightly flashing hope in her eyes that he wouldn't take what she said as rejection.
Clark fully absorbed her words. He nodded his head as a smile broke out on his face. While he was slightly disappointed, he was willing to take her white flag. "I think that's a great idea, Lo," he responded reassuringly. While he was somewhat hopeful they'd progress more in a relationship direction, he was just thankful she was willing to give him any part of her at all. Even if it meant them staying friends for the time being and letting the universe take the lead. He just prayed that whoever was in charge of all this advanced them further sooner rather than later. But, in the meantime, he was just happy she was giving him the chance at all. "If you don't have anymore questions, can we please get back to the movie," he asked, trying to reassure her that he was going to respect what she wanted. "Although, I'm now voting we watch "Old Yeller". You put it in my head and now we have to watch it." He smiled over at her teasingly as he started to get up from the table.
"Hah, you wish, Smallville," she joked back, feeling a levity between them she hadn't felt in a long while. "I'm starting this movie over since we skipped half of it." She got up and trailed behind him into the living room.
He sat down in the couch feeling as if the weight of 1000 suns was lifted off his shoulders. Their usual bantering was a good sign, and he felt better knowing for once how Lois actually felt. He was really starting to think he was becoming the man both his fathers wanted him to be. "We've seen this movie a hundred times, Lois," he groaned, acting far more annoyed than he actually was.
She sat down having grabbed the popcorn bowl and smirked over at him. "Well, then I guess we'll have to make this watch 101," she retorted rewinding the DVD to the beginning. The pressure she had felt before seemed to dissipate as they fell into their normal steps. She made her way to the couch taking a seat near Clark but not too near. Pressing play on the remote, a small smile twinkled in her eyes as she glanced over at him.
Yes, she felt confident they could get back to being Lois and Clark; best friends and partners. And maybe, somewhere in there, there was room for one more title to be added.
TBC…
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