Chapter 3

She pushed away from his chest and looked up at him, cradling his face in her hands. He looked so vulnerable and somewhat scared. "I love you too, Jace. I love you so much." And then she kissed him before he could respond, kissing him earnestly and bravely battling her tongue into his mouth. And this time she was pushing him onto his back, laying her body over his. She climbed over him and straddled his stomach, kissing him hard and trying to convey everything she felt in that one kiss. One of his hands reached up to cup her face while the other rested lightly at her hip.

She lifted her hips up and slid her hands down his body, reveling in the feel of his bare skin under her hands, until she got to his pants. She immediately began working at the buttons and zipper.

"Clary wait, no, you don't have to—" Jace tried to say, but she cut him off with a kiss.

"I want to," she growled, and yanked his pants down. Jace groaned. She pulled his pants down to his knees and used her foot to try and pry them off all the way. They got stuck at his ankles but he kicked them off before she could get too frustrated or embarrassed. Her hands pulled down his boxer briefs and then her hand came around his cock.

Jace moaned loudly into her mouth and she smiled, squeezing her fist around him slightly and moving it up and down.

"Oh fuck… Clary…" Jace moaned.

Suddenly she didn't want to just feel him in her hand. She started kissing down his body, pausing at his chest, enjoying the feeling of kissing him there, then kissed down to his stomach. Realizing what she was trying to do, Jace grabbed her face and stopped her.

"Ungh, oh god, Clary wait, if you do that now I don't think I can hold off. I'm sorry, but I swear on the angel I've never been this turned on in my life. I want you too badly…"

She paused for a second, trying to decide if she cared or not, but then decided she didn't want their first time to end in her mouth. And she wasn't sure when she came to the conclusion that there would be a second time but she knew it now. There was no going back. Not after this. Not after knowing how good it felt to be with him like this. This would not be their last time, she vowed silently to herself.

She kissed back up to his chest and then pushed herself up. She could tell she was getting his stomach wet by sitting on him like this but he didn't seem to mind. She leaned over him slightly and reached for her bedside table drawer to get a condom. His eyes were drawn straight to her breast as it dangled over him and she saw him lick his lips out of the corner of her eye.

"Uh-uh, no way, no distracting me," she said, smiling.

Then she climbed down his body, tearing the foil condom wrapper open with her teeth, and sheating him in it. Jace was looking at her with dark, intense eyes, saying nothing. She climbed back on top of him and held her hips over his, feeling unsure for the first time. She looked at him, uncertainty written in her eyes, and suddenly he sat up, closing the distance between them and kissing her again. His hands held her face and he turned in to get deeper into her mouth with his tongue.

One of his hands traced up and down her side, leaving goosebumps behind it. She could feel the hard length of him underneath her and ground her hips down against him, his cock sliding along her pussy but not entering it. They both groaned at that. She wasn't sure how to get it inside of her. She knew it was possible to do it this way, with her on top of him, and wanted to be in control of the movement since she'd heard it might hurt her first time, but she was so slippery and it felt awkward.

Jace kissed up her jaw again to her ear and whispered hoarsely, "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," Clary said with certainty. "Yes I'm sure."

Jace grasped her hips then and moved under her, using his hand to position himself at her entrance.

That was easy, thought Clary in the back of her mind.

Then he held her face and kissed her, waiting for her to move on him. She slowly lowered herself onto him, feeling him stretch her from the inside out. Towards the end, when he was almost fully inside of her, she felt a slight pinch, but it wasn't particularly painful and was almost completed erased by the pleasure that zinged through her when she was fully seated on him.

Jace had buried his face in her neck and moaned lightly. His hands gripped her face and waist and she could feel the tension in his body as he held himself back. She rolled her hips forward a bit and he moaned again. She rolled her hips against him again, testing the feel of him inside of her. She closed her eyes and moved around in circles, exploring and experimenting. She raised her hips off him slightly then came back down hard. They both moaned loudly at that and Jace's mouth closed over hers, muffling her moan.

She did it again and this time his hips came up to meet hers. She found a rhythm and bounced atop him in an ever-increasing pace. The feel of Jace's moans in her mouth only spurred her on. Jace moved her back ever so slightly, increasing the angle at which he hit her front wall, and she felt the familiar build in her stomach. She chased after it relentlessly, relishing in the sound of her body against his. Jace slid his hand in between them and pressed on her clit with his thumb. Clary cried out and Jace moved his mouth over hers to muffle the sound.

She jerked against him then, her walls tightening around him as she came. The sound and feel of her did him in and he came as well. Clary slid her eyes open, wanting badly to watch him come even as her body pulsed with her own orgasm. Jace threw his head back, his mouth opening in a silent cry as his hips thrust jerkily into her. She continued to meet his hips thrust for thrust. Jace fell back onto the bed, his back arching off of it, and his hands grasped her waist firmly, holding her to him. Then he slumped back onto the bed and she onto him, laying her head against his chest and panting, listening to his racing heartbeat.

They lay there like that for a while, Jace tracing mindless patterns on her back with the fingers of one hand, his other hand stroking gently in her hair. Eventually her hips started to ache from that position and she squirmed. Jace deftly moved her off of him, setting her to his side before he sat up, grabbed the tissue box on her bedside table, and got rid of the condom. She felt oddly abandoned, lying there, watching him, until he turned around quickly and pulled her into his chest again, hugging her to him tightly like he had after he'd eaten her out.

"Clary, I love you. I love you so much. And I really hope you don't regret what we just did, because I don't. You're it for me. And I know it's wrong, and it's supposed to feel wrong, but it doesn't. It just. Feels. Right."

"I know," she said softly, closing her eyes and inhaling his smell as his hands stroked her hair. "Jace I feel the same way. And I have the whole time. I was just scared of what other people will think. I'm still scared of that. And I don't want you to think that I regret what we did, because I don't, and I also don't want you to think I don't love you, because I do, Jace. I love you so much! But do you think you could understand, do you think you could forgive me, for asking you if we could maybe not tell anyone? I'm sorry, it's not you I'm ashamed of, I swear it. I just don't know how to not care what other people think."

Jace was quiet for a while. She tucked her face into his chest, waiting with baited breath for him to say something.

"It's okay, Clary," he said. "I understand. We won't tell anyone. I'm honestly just so surprised that you want to be with me at all."

Jace reached down with one arm and pulled the covers over them, still holding Clary to his chest. His hand returned to stroking her hair and she felt more calm and content than she ever had in her life.