The Mice Templar Rewritten
(A/N: Hi everyone, Sonicfighter here bringing you a brand-new story. I know I have other stories, but I'll get to them when I have the time. Just be patience. You can't just art as the old saying goes Anyway, this story is the retelling of The Mice Templar comics. It is a really underrated comic series that deserve more attention. It has an amazing story, memorable characters and fantastic fight senses as well as many twists and turns. And where to start this but from the beginning where we meet our heroes. And since this is a retelling, several things will change from the original. I don't own The Mice Templar; it belongs to Image Comics. I only own my OCs.)
Chapter 1: The Dark Lands
"Gather round all and listen closely to my tale. For as long as any can remember, the legend of Kuhl-En endured. Kuhl-En, the ancient warrior-priest, bringing truth and order to all creatures of the Dark Lands. Ancient Chronicles do tell that at first, Kuhl-En stood alone against the dangers that lurked in the darkness of the Shadow Time, but his great vision of peace and valor soon called an entire generation to share his noble dream. Seasons turned, yet not even the death of the mighty warrior-priest could diminish the light of his great spirit. Instead, his passing gave rise to a legion united in the legacy of Kuhl-En's righteous cause: The Templar-guardians of justice, sworn in alliance to every denizen of the Dark Lands, to protect all, large and small from the evil drawn to the Shadow Time. For over ten thousand seasons amidst the waxing and waning cycle of Wotan's great sight, the Templar were worthy to defend against all enemies, a unified brotherhood, loyal to their honor and their code. Until that fateful season when, bitterly divided, they turned upon one another. The day the Templar went to war against themselves! And it was upon the once sacred Field of Avalon where Templar fought against Templar. Beneath Kros Cur Onnor Da, that now desolate Tree of Grace- where the noble dream of Kuhl-En finally came to its end."
These words are spoken by Leito. A brown-furred mouse with blue eyes and apprentice to the blacksmith Master Deishun, who tells the tale to a mischief of young mice in the shop. One of them is a small tan-furred mouse named Karic, his best friend along with his older sister Gabrielle and her friend Elizabeth.
"...And since that tragic night when the Templar fell, no mouse has ever laid eyes upon any one of them ever again." Leito said, finishing his tale.
"But what happens next Leito?" Karic asked his friend. "Where did they go?"
"That's the whole point the story, Karic. No one knows what happens to the Templar after that battle." Leito answered.
"But they couldn't all just disappear!" Karic argued. There was no way that an entire brotherhood simply vanished after that awful night.
"No Karic." Leito again answered his friend. "Some whisper that there are yet still Templar in hiding, training new generation of noble warriors in secret. So that one day, the Templar may rise up united once again."
"But when Leito?" Karic asked once again. "I want to be a Templar!"
Before Leito could answer, a gruff voice is heard from the entrance. "That'll be enough talk, Leito!" The storyteller and the children turn to see a mouse with black fur wearing a blacksmith apron, gloves and shoes. He also has a hammer and thong in his paws and have a cut on his left ear and a scar on his face. He is Master Deishun the blacksmith and a former Templar from long ago to live a peaceful life. "I pay you to work, not tell stories and I'm sure these children have chores of their own to attend to."
"I'll see them all out, Master Deishun". Leito said to his master as he guides the children out of the shop.
"I don't believe the story anyway." One mouse said dismissively.
"I want to hear more!" Karic said eagerly as he turns to his friend. "Leito?"
"I'll catch up with you after work, Karic." Leito promised.
Seeing the children had left the shop, Deishun turn to a hooded figure who emerged from the shadows. The figure wears a blue cloak with red lines on either side of the cloak and with bright red circles within. His face is obscured by the hood, but the figure has grey fur and with wrappings on his feet.
"My apologies Pilot, you know how children can be." The blacksmith said to the figure now called Pilot.
"I do." Pilot said to Deishun as he looks around the shop. "And I see how prosperous this little smithy of yours is, friend Deishun. Yet, a blacksmith's eyes may no longer see clearly enough to recognize that what I bear?" He then holds out a metal tag bearing the symbol of a curved sword. Deishun recognize it as a Templar tag which all members of the brotherhood wear to identify themselves.
"I see clearly enough 'friend'". Deishun forcefully said. "But this town has little interest in what you have to barter with."
Before anymore words could be exchanged, Leito saw a pair of Town Watch guards at the door. "Master Deishun, the Town Watch is here."
"Is there a problem, master blacksmith?" One guard asked.
"There's no problem. My 'friend' was just leaving." Deishun said as he glares at Pilot. Getting the message, Pilot simply nod as he is escorted out by the Town Watch.
Outside the store, the children return to their homes as Karic said that the stranger is a Templar in disguise while the others just shrug it off that the Templars are just a fairy tale and Kuhl-En was never real.
Cricket's Glen is one of many towns scattered all over the Dark Lands. Isolated and surrounded by predators. Despite the dangers, it is a peaceful place to live in. Flower buds being to bloom on the tree which the town is built around as the first sign of Spring begin to show. Mice are going about their day, or rather night as they go about their business-like bartering for goods at the stands while some ride up and down the river on boats. A few whispers about things going on at the capital, even though such talk is frowned upon.
"Who was that calling on the blacksmith?" One town watch asked a fellow guard. "Never saw him before, but he called Pilot. 'Pilot the Tall'." Another town watch answered.
"Well, I think the Templars were real…and Kuhl-En too!" Karic said.
"I believe Karic!" Elizabeth said to Karic.
"That's because you like him." Gabrielle teased.
"I do not!" Elizabeth shouted back.
"Mama says that only babies believe in Kuhl-En." One mouse said in disagreement.
"Hey, let ditch here babies!" Another mouse suggested as they continue going back to their homes.
"We don't need them for fun." Karic said to his sister and one of his friends.
"That right, we don't need them to have fun." Elizabeth said as she places a paw on his back.
"Then let's play 'Templar Knights'." Gabrielle said. It's a game the three made up as they pretend to be like the Templars in Leito's stories.
"Great idea." Karic said to his older sister. "So, I say that Templar agent came here on a special mission to pass on secret information to Master Deishun and- "Karic stopped when he saw something. "Wait-look… the town watch is marching him to the gates."
Karic was correct as Pilot with his hood down, is escorted out of the front gate of the town. "And remember this, 'Pilot the Tall', we don't want to see the likes of your kind back here ever again." One town watch spat.
But Gabrielle and Elizabeth don't even notice. "Karic, what's the matter?" Gabrielle asked her little brother.
"We want to play." Elizabeth complained.
Karic snapped out of his thought as he removes a twig to serve as a sword. "Ok then, I've just heard that the Druid Snake God has hatched a dozen serpents that will eat all the mice children." The young mouse said as he points to his big sister. "Gabrielle! She'll be a Maeven Archer!"
"Yes!" Gabrielle said as she uses another twig to use as a bow. The Maeven Archers is an all-female group of the Templars who are said to be the best archers in all the land.
"And Elizabeth, she'll be the maven we'll rescue- ""I want to be a Templar!" Elizabeth shouted, interrupting Karic.
"Silly Liz'Beth." Gabrielle said to her best friend as she says her nickname. "Girls can't be Templar. We can be Maven, and they're better: they fly on birds and shoot arrows from their bows!"
"But I want to be a Templar! Like Karic!" Elizabeth continues to complain as Karic swings the twig around like a sword as he strikes at invisible enemies.
The trio started the game when Karic and Gabrielle are at a low branch of the tree.
"Look out Gabrielle! The Snake God is coming right at you!" Karic said assuming the role of a Templar.
"And I put an arrow straight through its eye!" Gabrielle said as she pretends to shoot an arrow.
"And now It's up to me. I'll leap into the snake pit-and I need you Maeven Archers to cover me!" Karic said.
Elizabeth tries to catch up with her friends as she climbs up a branch. "You two wait up for me!" Elizabeth said. "I want to be a Maeven too!"
Karic then leaps from a branch while shouting, "Here I go!"
"Karic!" Gabrielle exclaimed.
"No!" Elizabeth also exclaimed.
However instead of hurting himself, Karic effortlessly lands of a rock as he strikes the stick on the rock, breaking it. "Got it!" Karic said as he killed the imaginary Snake God.
"Karic Templar triumphant!" Karic shouted in victory as he rises the broken stick above his head.
Without warning, Leito appears and grabs Karic with his foot, causing the two to tumble, ending with Leito on top of his friend with Karic on his chest as he snatched the broken stick from his paw.
"'Karic triumphant'. Yeah, that'll be the day." Leito mocked.
Gabrielle and Elizabeth run down to the two mice in concern. "Leito! Is my brother alright?"
"Never better." Karic answered as Leito carried him on his back.
"Hey Gabrielle." Leito greets Gabrielle. "It'll take more than my stealth to knock the fight out of Karic." The apprentice also said.
"Guess what, Gabrielle likes Leito!" Elizabeth explained. "You be quiet, Elizabeth." Gabrielle said before whispering. "Or I'll tell Karic now much you like him."
"No." Elizabeth whispered to her friend. This was true. Gabrielle has feelings for Leito ever since Deishun took him in as his apprentice after his folks died seasons ago.
"But seriously though Karic, stop playing 'Templar' or we'll both get in trouble." Leito said after he put Karic on a branch as he to sat on the branch as it bends to their combined weight.
"Who was that guy, Leito?" Karic asked.
"I believe he called himself 'Pilot the Tail'." Leito said while placing his paw in his chin. There's something strange about the mouse in the blue cloak, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "But Master Deishun said he was dangerous and we have danger enough here already."
This statement is proven true when a few miles away, two mice are carrying bundles of grain until one of them was snatched up by an unseen force. The other mouse look to see his friend is no longer there as he saw bits of grain falling. He looked up and to his horror, a large black spider with 6 piercing red eyes was finishing eating his friend as it leaps toward him.
"SPIDER GOD!" The mouse shouted in fear as he run as fast as his feet can carry him as the spider gives chase.
The rest of Cricket's Glen heard the cry for help as Deishun walked out of his store as a crowd see what's going on.
"My goodness!"
"It's back!"
"Again?"
"Third time this month!"
The framer then trips just as the lower half of the mouse falls off the spider's fangs.
Seeing this, Deishun quickly grabs a pitchfork from a framer.
"Hey! That's mine!" The farmer protest, but Deishun didn't answer. He knew time was up the essence.
"Sound the alarm!" Deishun explained just as the spider is about to have its second snack. A guard quickly bangs the gong as the sound echoes throughout the valley. It even reaches the ears of Karic, Leito, Gabrielle and Elizabeth. Leito then rush ahead of Karic as he makes his way back to town.
"Leito?" Karic said to his friend with concern. He has never heard that sound before.
"It's the predator alarm!" Leito said to his friend. "Karic, keep the girls back, something's coming and Master Deishun's going to need my help!"
Deishun charge at the arachnid while letting out a battle cry. The old Templar leaps and lunged the pitchfork into the spider's open mouth just as it was about to eat the mouse.
"You're safe, now get out of here!" Deishun shouted to the mouse as he quickly run out of danger just as the town watch show out with spears at the ready.
"It just came out of nowhere!" The mouse said to the town watch. They charge at the spider, but it was too fast as it jumps and lunged at them, wounding several of the guards and breaking a few spears. "Watch out for the legs!" One guard called as another strike it's spear on the spider's body and was knocked the ground.
The blacksmith also fell to the ground just as Leito arrived. "Master Deishun!" The young apprentice explained. "Leito, get my sword!" Deishun ordered his appearance, much to Leito's surprise. "But you said to never- "
"Do as I say boy!" Deishun shouted just as Leito protested. Seeing how pointless it is to argue, Leito run as fast as he could to the smithy as Deishun leap back into the fight. "Now back at it!" He said to the town watch who are regrouping.
"But- "One guard stuttered before his comrade said, "It's too big!"
"You heard what the smithy said..." One guard said as he drew his sword.
"Fight! Fight for your people!" Deishun shout as he thrust the pitchfork into the spider's mouth as the two begin to wrestle. Despite the old mouse being smaller that the spider, he's surprisingly strong as he held on to the pitchfork and stood his ground.
Leito made it back to the shop and find hanging on the wall, a large sword with a scabbard. "Here I come, Master Deishun!" Leito said as he picks up the sword and run back outside to help his master.
Meanwhile, Deishun continue to struggle with his quarry. "Now get ready! I can't keep 'er back much longer!"
"She's fighting me! But when I let go..." The old mouse said just as he let go of the pitchfork as the spider fell on its back. "There! Now go for the legs!"
Just then Leito arrived with the sword in his paw. "Master Deishun!" He called as he throws the sword at his master. The sword unsheathes to show a unique design above the guard. Deishun grabbed the sword by the handle. "Good lad!" He said to his apprentice as he swings his sword, cutting three of the spiders' legs with ease. "And this is how it's done!"
The rest of the town watch attack the downed spider as their spears and swords pierce its body spilling its blood.
"I can't believe it!" One Town Watch said, seeing that they can defeat a god.
"We got it!" Another said as they continue attacking the spider.
Deishun delivers the final blow as he brought his sword on the spider's chest, striking its heart as it screaks in pain before it falls silence and dies.
The Town Watch cheers at their victory as Deishun paints in exhaustion with since the fight drained his energy. He wasn't young as he used to be. One part of his apron is removed due to the fight.
"And that's how we used to do it." The old mouse said to the Town Watch as the old mouse wipe the sweat from his brow. "Be proud lads, every one of ya stood your ground and didn't back down. It's not like fighting off a rat horde. It takes a bit more nerve. One of them is twice our size, and they think a lot quicker than this 8-legged beastie. But it's the same idea once you find yourself in the heat of battle, it's either you or them."
However, not everyone is pleased as several town mice glared at the blacksmith, save for two who look in disappointed. They are Karic and Gabrielle's parents, Joshia and Mornae. Joshia is a brown-furred mouse wearing a grey tunic with a blue cloak and tan pants. Mornae is a beautiful tan-furred mouse wearing a yellow tunic with a green jacket.
"I- "The blacksmith tries to explain, only to be met with the glares from the town's folk and the disappointing looks from Joshia and Mornae. Though he means well, they never asked for his help, especially from a former Templar like him. The old blacksmith sigh in defeat. "I did what I thought was right." Deishun place his sword back in the scabbard Leito is carrying just as the crown begin to dispersed. Some of the Town Watch carrying the carcass of the dead spider to be disposed of.
"Leito, take this back to the shop." The old blacksmith said as his apprentice nodded. He turns to the mouse who was nearly eaten by the spider. "Geldar, are you well?"
"Yes, but Gilmak was claimed." The mouse now called Geldar replied. "I thank you for my life, master smithy."
"You do me honor." Deishun said with a smile, thankful for the compliment.
Mornae run to her children with her husband following. "Thank goodness you children are safe!" She said, thanking Wotan that her children are unharmed.
"What were you kids doing by the stream? It's not safe- "Joshia said to the children, giving them a lecture.
"But papa, Master Deishun protects the whole town!" Gabrielle interrupts her father. "And he'd never let anything hurt us!"
Joshia looks at the old blacksmith, knowing well that her first child meant, but even so, the stream is not safe for young mice to venture.
As the family walks for home, Karic notice the sword Leito is carrying back to the shop.
"Hey, Leito, isn't that a Templar sword?" The young mouse asked.
"Shut up, Karic!" Leito explained, brushing off his friend's question, clearly not in a mood. "And for once, stop asking questions!"
Just a few hours as dawn is approaching, most of the resident of Cricket's Glem are safe at home. In a house on top of a branch, serving as the home of Karic, Gabrielle, Mornae and Joshia, Karic is telling the story of the witch, Black Anaius. A druid witch who is said to eat the children of mice.
"But when you're sleeping, the druid-witch will find you. Black Anaius will come crawling through our window, Gabrielle. Looking for youuuu." Karic said in a creepy tone, scaring his older sister as she squeaks in fright. "Stop it, Karic!" Gabrielle said to her little brother, shivering in the bed they share.
"Karic Bennet, cut it out! You're scaring your sister!" Mornae said to Karic, annoyed by her son telling a ghost story while carrying the shirt he was wearing, which got a hole in the front.
"But momma, isn't that the point?" Karic said to his mom.
"And you but another hole in your shirt today." Mornae said while examining the shirt as she sights. "I'll sew it, but we can't afford new cloth, Karic. You're going to have to be more careful." As much as she loves her son, he can be as reckless as his father sometimes.
"Momma, can the Druid-Witch find us?" Gabrielle asked his mom, still shaken by Karic's story.
Mornae smiles at her oldest daughter. "Oh Gabrielle, if Black Anaius was real, she'd have to sleep when the dawn comes just like everyone else."
"But why?" Gabrielle asks while Mornae tucked her in as Mornae explain.
"You know why. Because on the other side of the Dawn is the other world-The Bright Realm that takes the place of our own Shadow Time while we sleep. It was Kuhl-En himself who posted the Guardians of Dusk and Dawn so that no creature from either realm, not even Black Anauis can harm those of the other world while we sleep. And on the other side of the Dusk, you'll awake safe and sound in your bed, next to your mother, your father and your brother- and you'll be ready to begin another day."
Seeing that her mother is right, Gabrielle smiles and close her eyes. Karic soon follows as Mornae kissed her children on their foreheads. "Good night, my children."
Mornae walks to her and Joshia's bedroom with Karic's torn shirt. Joshia is fast asleep as Mornae smiles at her sleeping husband. Putting the shirt next to the bed, Mornae join Joshia in bed, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Good night, my love."
The Dawn quickly came and went as the next night, Cricket's Glem is bustling with activity as usual, with the marketplace having a special. However, there's a few rumors going around. The entire town of Hollow's Stream vanished. Even the mayor's hollow was burned to the ground. Something bad was coming, but what that is, remain to be seen.
Karic and Leito raced across town with Karic falling behind.
"Wait up, Leito!" Karic called as he tries to caught up to his best friend.
"You're too slow, Karic!" Leito called back as he jumps over a wheelbarrow.
"Hey, watch where you're going!" The farmer said in annoyance.
"Sorry, farmer Malley!" Leito apologize as he turns to his friend who finally catch up to him. "So, little Elizabeth has her eye on you, huh?"
"Yeah, and my sister gets all dreamy over you every time we hang out!" Karic said to Leito.
"Well, I don't want to spend my day off talking about Gabrielle…" Leito pointed out.
"Then don't." Karic said bluntly before changing the mood. "Let's go play Knight Templar!"
"Karic, no!" Leito shouted as the small mouse run off into the woods. Leito sighs in annoyance while pinching the bridge of his nose. "What am I going to do with him?" The blacksmith apprentice said as he run after his friend.
In the marketplace, Mornae works at a clothe stand, while Joshia works at a nearby tools stand with the patriarch of the family handing a hammer to a customer. Just then, Deishun came by with a large pink flower in his paw.
"Ah, Deishun. A Good Market Day to you." Joshia said to the smithy. "If you're wondering about that thong, I just got it repaired."
"Thank you." Deishun said to Joshia before turning to Mornae, who is sewing a pair of pants. "A Good Markey Day to you, Mornae."
"Master Deishun!" Mornae said in surprise.
"This has been growing outside of my shop, and I thought well…there's one way to get rid of it." Deishun said as Mornae take the flower from him.
"I think it's lovely." Joshia said, mentioning the flower.
"I don't know If I can accept this." Mornae said to the blacksmith, not sure if she's okay with accepting the flower due to last night's incident.
"Please, don't hold what happen yesterday against me." Deishun said.
"But you make a point of keeping the past alive, Deushun, and it's not helping any of us." Mornae stated.
"Yeah, I had to agree with my wife, Deishun. No offense, but there are things about the past we want to forgot." Joshia said to the old mouse.
Meanwhile on the outskirts of town, Karic jump from tree branch to tree branch with Leito following.
"We've a turncoat amongst is, brother! Seeking to turn us against each-other!" Karic said to Leito, taking the role of a Templar once again.
Leito catches up to his friend and figure now is the best time to tell him. "Yeah, about that. Karic, listen to me, you've got to stop playing 'Templar' or asking me about the stories."
"Is this what it has come do, brother?" Karic said to Leito, not believing what he said.
"You're going to get us into trouble!" Leito said, trying to reason with Karic. "You're also going to get other people into trouble- "
As Leito was talking, the branch underneath Karic suddenly broke, causing the young mouse to fall.
"Leito, help!" Karic shouted as he grabs on another branch, but is quickly losing his grip.
"Hang on, Karic!" Leito said as she quickly rushes to his friend's aid.
"Leito, I'm slipping!" Karic said as he tries to hold on. But he soon loses his grip just as Leito arrive and grasps him by the pinky.
"I've got you!" Leito said. But after he said that, Karic lose his grip. "Karic!" Leito shouted as his friend fell into the stream below.
Karic try to swim up back into the surface, only for a large fish swallowed the small mouse.
Karic coughs as he finds himself in the shore of an unknown location. To look like the inside of a cave, yet somehow, it feels…strange.
"Letio?" Karic calls out as his voice echoes around the area, but there was no reply, save for his own voice. "What happened? Where am I?" The small mouse sees a carving on the wall depicting a large fish with a crown on its head and a hook in its mouth and three smaller fishes behind it. Before Karic can understand what's going on, three fishes emerge from the water in a golden light.
'Kaaarrrriiiiiiicccccc.' The fishes said in an ominous voice.
At the marketplace, Mornae gives a freshly sewed shirt to a customer. "Here's your order, Gretchen."
Gretchen takes the shirt before she notices Deishun. "Oh, it's you." She said in a cold voice before walking away with a humph.
"Mornae, I mean no respect, but it's you and Joshia's son, Karic, who keeps those stories alive in this town."
"Aye, because that apprentice of yours is always filling his head with those tales." Morne said to the old blacksmith.
"He's a good kid, but I'm afraid those stories would get both him and Karic in danger one of these nights." Joshia said to Deishun.
"Leito has the right to know the truth." He said to them. "So, I told him. But what those boys do on their own time is their business, not mine."
Joshia sight as he places his paw on Deishun's shoulder, knowing he can't stay mad at the mouse he called friend. "Deishun, you know I always like you as a friend. Which is why I voted for you to stay in Cricket's Glem."
"Aye." Deishun said as he nodded. "You're a good mouse, Joshia. I just wish I'd had a sword close by since that day.
"Please don't- "Before Joshia was about to finish what he was going to say, he was interrupted when the Predator Alarm rings out.
"Are you serious!?" Joshia said in annoyance.
"Another spider God?" Mornae said, equally annoyed. Why can't there be any peace around here? But what the parents of Karic and Gabrielle don't know is that what's coming is worse than another spider attack. Much worse.
Back at the stream, Leito leaps down from the tree and rushes to rescue his friend. "Hang on, Karic!" He called as he grabs Karic and pulls him out of the stream as the small mouse coughs out water from his lungs.
"I thought I lost you back there, Karic." Leito said while sighing in relief.
"Leito." Karic explain while coughing. "A fish. A great fish swallowed me."
"Almost." Leito pointed out.
"But it did, Leito. I was in this underwater cave. Three fishes came at me, out of the water, they wanted- "
"Only seconds, Karic." Leito interrupted. "5 at the most. You fell and I yanked you out of the water right away."
"Me, Leito. They wanted me." Karic finishes his thoughts.
Thinking that his friend was joking, Leito help Karic to his feet. "Come on, Karic. Let's play 'Templar' like you wanted."
"No." Karic said as he places a paw on his head, as if sensing something. "Something's coming, Leito. Something bad."
Leito thought back to the hooded mouse who came to Cricket's Glen the other night.
"That's right, Karic, and like that mysterious stranger from yesterday, we're Templar Knights, Karic. You and me." Leito said as he grabbed his friend by his arm as the two being to run back to town. "And how, we're going back to Cricket's Glen and warn them."
"No, it's too late." Karic said to Leito.
"It's never too late for the Templar, Karic." Leito reassured. "Now let's fly!"
Before Karic can follow, the mouse sniffed the air. The scent is all to familiar. The smell of burning torches.
"Leito, there's smoke in the air." Karic said.
"Then it's up to us for real, Karic. We need to warn the town watch about the approaching fire." Leito said before the two hears the Predator Alarm.
"That's the Predator Alarm, Lieto. They know. They already know."
In front of the two mice, they can see fire engulfing Cricket's Glen. The fire is not an accident, nor from a forest fire, but something far worse: An invasion.
(A/N: And that's the end of Chapter 1. We've met the main hero if this story and there's more to come. And as stated at the start, this story would play out different from the canon comic, what those changes are, you'll see soon enough. As for the Original Characters, they'll make their appearances soon. Don't forget to read and review. Until the next chapter, TTFN.)