Chapter 46 B. This fictional chapter takes place in StellarLune, just after the first unsuccessful visit to Elyseus, and before Vespera awakens Sophie for their second expedition. From Keefe's point of view.
Back at Havenfield, Keefe was exhausted, and he still didn't know if he believed his luck. Had he only dreamt Sophie's confession the evening before their sleepless night? All night patrolling by her side and she hadn't given in to a moment of romance. Despite his various attempts, she hadn't once allowed herself to be distracted from their search. Apart from Fitz's hurt looks, there was no hint of what had happened. Yet it had seemed incredibly real to him. It had happened. He really did kiss her... and she did kiss him! And it had been even better than he'd imagined. A little bit short, though.
But now wasn't the time for kisses: Sophie wasn't in the mood. Being so close to the goal and coming back empty-handed, after months of searching, sure hurt. Keefe was worried she'd try to contact Vespera despite his repeated requests not to flirt with the enemy.
Sandor wandered off to survey the surroundings or maybe to go to bed, who knows? Grady and Edaline were probably still asleep. They badly needed to do the same. Keefe looked at Sophie, pallid.
- Sophie...
- Yes?
- If I remember correctly, we owe each other a big hug..., he said, widly opening his arms.
- That's right, she smiled before rushing in.
Her eagerness warmed his heart. Keefe squeezed her gently before resting his nose in her hair. They smelled good, fresh air, salt, a faint whiff of their latest shampoo. Oh, he could have kissed them for the rest of his life. But he held back. This was their first "just for fun" hug, rather than one to help each other cope with the bad news that regularly fell upon them without warning.
For the first time, the empath allowed himself to welcome the full depth of his feelings while in Sophie's arms. Even though he became numb, his chest wept with joy as an ardent effervescence swept through his body. He'd been fantasizing about this moment for years, but dreaded losing himself in it. Within seconds, he felt Sophie's anger, fear and weariness transform into a gentle calm. He was unable to decipher his own emotions. There were just too many of them.
- How did you do that? Sophie asked.
- Do what?
- A few seconds in your arms, and suddenly I feel... serene, happy, where I belong. You wouldn't have sent me...
Keefe smiled. She'd just realized it, even though they'd already experienced it dozens of times over the last few years...
- I didn't use any powers, if that's what you're asking. You know I feel the same way every time I touch you? And so do you, for that matter. Ever since you've trusted me, ever since... almost forever. Trust the Empath !
She didn't reply. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder as he tightened his embrace. Oh, Sophie, his dear beloved, right against him. Her muscled little arms wrapped around him, their hearts beating, the smell of her body, her warmth, it was dazzling! Yes, of course, definitely, he too felt at home. A few moments later, unable to hold back any longer, Keefe caressed her hair and dared to give them a tiny, light kiss, to cherish the treasure they were. He immediately felt the tornado of butterflies invade Sophie's belly. She lifted her head and their lips were hastily brought together, as if they'd been waiting for this since Flori's interruption. They probably had.
Keefe loved Sophie's lips, even more enticing than he'd (so often) imagined them, and he loved her smile even more, her eyes shining, and their hearts racing in unison. He cherished her consent, her envy, their reciprocity. The sky was clearing for good, and the sun's rays were even beginning to warm the air. Sophie stopped for a moment to look at her friend. She seemed just as shaken as he was. Incredible but true. All smiles, neither him nor Sophie had the courage to pull apart.
It was time to sleep, though. A long, long time later, Sophie reluctantly detached herself from him.
- Keefe... I'd like never to be away from you again, but I can't take it anymore. I'm going to bed.
- Okay, you're right. Thank you for this moment, Sophie. You have no idea how much it means to me.
- Yes, I do, because I feel all the same.
Keefe shook his head, because it wasn't possible, before adding, smiling and pleading:
- Remind me to cuddle you more often.
- Haha, I won't fail that! she repeated for the second time that evening.
They kissed one last time, making the pleasure last, and he headed off alone towards his grove without Sophie, taking a dance step as she made her way back to her huge bedroom without him. Oh, it was hard to leave her. A fire of joy tortured his insides, his heart ached with happiness, and he sorely needed sleep, but that said, he wasn't ready to let go yet. When he was sure he was alone, he called out several times:
- Flori?
After a few attempts, she joined him silently, without breaking a twig or disturbing a blade of grass.
- Yes, Keefe?
- Can I ask you a favor?
- Ask away, and I'll see what I can do...
- Can you wake me up if anything unusual happens? If Sophie happens to go through another adventure, for example.
- Yes, I'll do that. You can rest in the meantime.
- I really appreciate it. Thank you.
- And I thank you for taking care of our hummingbird, Keefe.
He wrapped himself up in his blankets in his grove, and was just about to fall asleep when a sweet, beloved voice called to him:
- Keefe? whispered Sophie's melodious voice in his mind.
- Sophie? he replied, surprised and drowsy.
She didn't answer immediately. He sensed she just wanted keep « in touch » and he was thankful for that.
- Good night, she replied, affectionately.
- Good night, Sophie. He hoped his love and concern came through loud and clear in those three words.
They fell asleep without breaking mental contact.
Several hours later, Vespera woke Sophie to take her on Elyseus' second expedition.
A few days after the events of Elyseus, whatever they were. From a neutral point of view if that's possible. After a long, hectic day and some discussion in Sophie's room, it was getting late:
Keefe looked down.
- Right. I think I'd better get back to my grove. Good night, Soph...
Before she could restrain herself, Sophie begged him:
- Keefe... how about a sleepover?
- Uh, Sophie, I'd love to, but... what about Grady and Sandor?
They both looked towards the door, which was closed. Perhaps they had spoken quietly enough not to be heard. Sandor seemed to be less intrusive those past days. Since they'd confessed their feelings to each other? Or... since Keefe had led Grizel and him into the « glittering glade of all romances »? Which meant the same thing, really.
- I know. I just... I don't want you to go. I've suffered too much during your absence. I'm afraid to be away from you if someone ever attacks you. Besides, we're old enough, aren't we? We're not doing anything wrong…
Keefe reached over and tucked one of Sophie's unruly pigtails behind her ear. She was savoring each moment of closeness with him with ever greater acuity. He sighed:
- I know. I agree with you. But I don't think our chaperones like it.
- I'm sick of them determining our every move! I'll explain it to them. That said, Keefe... I must warn you that if you decide to stay, I'm afraid you'll have to face another ordeal.
Keefe stepped back imperceptibly, slightly worried.
- What? What ordeal?
- Well, I'm terribly sorry, but Grady told me he would have a long, long talk in store for the boy with whom I...
Keefe relaxed and almost burst out laughing.
- Oh, that! Don't worry, it's done already!
- What? she asked, bemused.
Sophie felt so ashamed.
- During our training sessions, you know, when I came back from the Forbidden Cities.
- What? Before we... before we even kissed?
- Yes, smirked Keefe.
Grady had a lot of nerve.
- And how did it go? Sophie pressed him. What did he ask you?
- Nothing very complicated. He asked me how I felt about you. I told him I loved you from the day we've met.
Sophie smiled. He continued:
- I told him that I've been really in love with you since our first flight with Silveny. Deeply in love with you since Alluveterre. Madly in love with you since my wonderful stay with the Invisibles. That I've been hopelessly in love with you during Fitzphie. That I've been incredibly in love with you since...
It was too much, Sophie stopped him.
- Did you really say that to my father?
- Yes, more or less.
- But... how did he react?
- You wish you knew ! I'm still alive, if you're wondering.
- I just can't believe it. Besides, he hasn't even mentioned it to me. In fact, now that I think of it, I've got the impression that lately, he's been less hateful towards you than he usually is...
- I guess I've passed the test! Are you surprised?
Sophie shook her head without much conviction. Maybe a little, to be honest. She'd been dreading her daddy hen's reactions for a long time, his love raids, his invasion of her private life and his famous speeches about "boys". She never imagined that she'd be faced with a fait accompli, with no broken pots and no shame of the century. Keefe's assertion that it was all settled brought her incredulous relief. Of course, it was all thanks to the super empathic talents of her incredible lover. Her lover... Oh yes, he was. And that thought filled her with...
- Oh dear, Sophie, Keefe fanned himself. Receiving the wave of languorous emotions you're sending me right now, I feel like your superhero I've been trying to play in different ways, getting it wrong every time. If I'd known I could acchieve that just by talking about my feelings, I could have saved myself a lot of trouble!
Sophie rolled her eyes. Yes, indeed. She could have done without his dangerous game with the Invisibles, his Mercadir's stunt with the ogre king and, even more, his latest solo escapade in the Forbidden Cities. But now was not the time for regrets.
- You know what, Keefe? I think that me too. I mean, it took me years to realize it, but I think I've been in love with you all along.
Her friend hesitated for a moment, but Keefe the snot overcame Keefe the sensitive, and for a moment, a triumphant smile filled his handsome face, as if to say: what have I keep saying to you all these years? Sophie pushed him away to finish her confession.
- It probably explains why I never kissed Fitz. Well, there was the assortment mess, and a lot of missed opportunities, but still. I think I didn't really wanted to, truthfully.
- The "heart of the matter", Keefe wryly quipped, serious again. I'm touched.
- Haha. Sophie shook her head in disbelief.
- It's true! he protested.
- And what else did he ask you? Sophie asked, eager not to dwell on the subject.
- Oh, all sorts of questions, about the Neverseen, about my mother. About my new powers, about the way I manage my anger... I think he wanted to make sure I don't follow Brant's footsteps.
- Oh. Yes.
- There's no risk of that. I explained to him that if I hid in the Forbidden Cities, it was to avoid hurting you. I won't hesitate to do it again if ever my dear mother succeeds in imposing a new, uncontrollable evil power on me.
- No, Keefe, don't ever do that to me again. I couldn't stand it.
- And I couldn't stand to hurt you. Or numb you. Or to...
- No, you don't understand. I couldn't bear it. Let me help you. Together we can...
- I know, Sophie.
He didn't understand. He didn't understand that nothing hurt her more than to feel he was rejecting her. When she'd left the care center after his abhorrent acceptance of Alina's condition, she'd mourned the fact that she couldn't see him anymore. Having been anesthetized by this new ability hadn't crossed her mind for more than a second. He had stayed close to her when her optimization had proved to be oversized. She wanted to do the same for him. Keefe repeated:
- I know, Sophie. Believe me when I say I don't want to push you away. Especially now. Anyway, I reassured him, and I think he trusts me. Honestly, there's no ordeal behind the man-to-man conversations with Grady. They just prove that he cares about you, like a real dad would.
Sophie didn't let herself be distracted by the return to the original subject or the attempted diversion with Lord Callous.
- Keefe... promise me you won't run away without me again. Please do.
- Sophie. Life is long and our situation is complex. I promise I'll always do my best for us to survive and be happy.
- You're horrible, but okay, I'll take this. However, if one day you have to leave again, don't you ever ignore my telepathic calls again.
- Haha! That, barring immediate danger, I promise. Without fail.
- All right. It's better than nothing. Are you staying, then?
Keefe smiled with all his teeth, then replied:
- I've been waiting for this! I'll go get my pajamas. I'll be back in a moment.
He gave her a quick kiss, which she returned with a laugh. Their kiss dragged on, and then Keefe ran out of the room.
- Humph, grumbled Sandor in a strangely pasty voice. About time! Good night, young man.
- Goodbye, Gigantor! I hope you won't miss me too much while I'm gone.
Sandor let out a predictably high-pitched exclamation as Keefe's footsteps drifted away.
How on earth would Keefe justify his return to Sandor? If only she'd been a summoner. Or she could have lent him a pair of pyjamas so he wouldn't have to leave her bedroom. Which would have been quite comical, but perhaps a little embarrassing? Worried, she brushed her teeth, changed, then played with Iggy to calm her impatience.
A few minutes later, Keef tiptoed back, smiling up to heaven in one of his wacky pyjamas, probably a gift from Elwin. He closed the door as quietly as possible.
- Hush! Sandor's asleep! he whispered, dropping his bag of belongings on the floor.
- Nooooo !
One could understand that since it was late, pretty late.
- I swear! He's so cute!
Sophie didn't feel like checking. She ran to cuddle her friend.
- Probably not as much as you. I'm so happy you came back. Thank you.
- And I thank you for inviting me. You couldn't give me a better present.
Keefe looked at her with a strange intensity. Sophie broke away from him, suddenly anxious.
- Uh, wait a minute... I... Keefe, I want to stay with you, but you know, I'm not ready... I mean, I don't feel like...
Keefe raised his hands in the air as if pleading not guilty.
- Don't panic, Sophie. I'm happy to stay with you tonight, and I have no ulterior motive. I remind you that you're my first girlfriend, and I don't want to rush things any more than you do.
It was the first time he'd called her his girlfriend. They hadn't really had a chance to talk about it before. She didn't pay much attention to it, though, because she recognized herself perfectly in the role. It was fluid and appreciated. That said, the mere mention of "rushing things" disturbed her deeply.
- Oh, uh, thanks, she said, looking down.
Sophie felt cramped. Keefe grabbed her hands and squeezed them tight.
- Okay, Foster of my dreams, let's not beat about the bush. We will clear up this misunderstanding. I'd be lying if I told you that the idea of... making love with you didn't overwhelm me.
Sophie grimaced.
- This idea thrills me, I'm curious, excited, in love... in the meantime, it also gives me stage fright. But you know what? I'm going to tell you one of my most precious secrets.
He waited for her to look at him before continuing. She looked up reluctantly.
- I cherish the dream of sharing a long and happy life with you.
These words, though inviting, didn't calm Sophie, who felt trapped in a premature situation she didn't want to endure right now. Keefe seemed dismayed by her condition.
- Wait! Let me explain. We've got plenty of time. We're immortal, remember? So let's take it easy! You know, if ever you wanted to follow my mother's example...
- Keefe! Sophie protested, shocked.
- Listen to me. You were with me when I learned about one of my father's most painful defeats.
Sophie stared at him, speechless.
- You know, when you went through his memories.
Sophie still couldn't see. Keefe was searching for words, pacing up and down, looking at his feet.
- When he told us my mother had rejected him. I'd be... devastated, and that's a weak word, if, long from now... if, one day, like her, after finding out you were pregnant, you ousted your spouse. Me, of course, let's hope.
- Keefe, I would never…
- Of course you wouldn't. I'm so much nicer than my dad, he winked at her. Yet his expression could not have been more serious.
- I prefer not to compare you two, to tell you the truth. And not to think about him at all, for that matter.
- I'm glad you don't. But do you understand why I want to put our relationship on a solid footing? You know that I'm repulsed by the example of my parents. I've never seen them happy or in love. I really want to follow a different path, he said, emphasizing on the really.
Sophie agreed, she completely did. Her heart calmed as suddenly as it had panicked.
- What a great idea! Me too!
Keefe sighed, relaxed at last. He concluded:
- So, no stress, we talk, we listen to each other, we respect each other's desires, emotions and needs. What do you say?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, and I agree!
- Great. So, what are we going to do with this impersonal room to make it look like it belongs to you? He said, sitting down on her bed and gesturing to the rest of her room. He looked relieved. Sophie smiled.
- Pfff. You've been fiddling about this forever. Yours doesn't look any more like you! contra Sophie as she joined him. She'd hoped to be teasing, but it couldn't have been more clumsy.
- I've never had a room of my own, Keefe replied matter-of-factly. The three floors of my suite at Candleshade were... a prison decorated by my tormentor father, nothing more. As for the Shores of Sorrow... it's all in the name, don't you think?
Sophie looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Keefe seemed too happy being there to let his disappointing memories hurt him. Phew! Nevertheless, she searched for a better topic of conversation.
- I know, Sophie enthused. I'd like us to imagine our dream house, if we ever built it.
- Oh, yes! Keefe exclaimed. Come on, let's close our eyes.
He laid down on his back, holding out his hand. Sophie's hand naturally slipped into his and she laid down close to him, following his example. The image of Candleshade, disproportionately imposing, troubled her mind.
- Keefe, our house, it's going to be small.
- Oh yes, laughed Keefe. This way, we'll have to spend time together! And with our kids!
- Yes, she said, looking thoughtful.
Sophie fell silent. Despite the trouble she'd felt a few minutes earlier imagining herself lying too close to Keefe, the idea of having children with him seemed strangely logical and joyful. She wasn't at all ready to go all the way right away, but she could easily envisage it. Well, much later, of course. She smiled at the idea of a mischievous, attentive and involved Dad Keefe. Spending quality time with his new family would probably be the best way for him to heal from his failing family cocoon. Oh, that sounded cheerful! Never before had she projected herself so far ahead with someone. Well, back to the present. Perhaps Keefe's thoughts had followed a similar path. Anyway, he intertwined their fingers, took a deep breath, and went on:
- We'll have several guest rooms, so we can accommodate anyone who needs it, whatever the circumstances.
Sophie thought of Tam, Linh, Rayni, Keefe, and herself, too. And so many others who might have needed a refuge at some point in their childhood. Of course they would.
- Yes, she agreed. And we'll have a small, bright studio with a nice view, so you can paint wonders.
- Yes, and we'll draw on the walls too! Nothing will be cold, immaculate and rigid.
- What a great idea. And we'll have plants, you know, so it's lively.
- Yes, and we'll have big trees in our garden to play in, conquer, trap ball, and understand all your innumerable powers.
- And yours. And our kids' and friends'.
Keefe smiled. Sophie didn't wait to add:
- We'll also learn to garden with the gnomes.
Not having grown up among the elves, it was important for Sophie to understand and participate in the various tasks of life. Keefe nodded, although the idea probably wouldn't have occurred to him if he hadn't been around her, then he spoke:
- And we'll have a kitchen full of mallowmelt.
- Yes! And we'll cook together, only good stuff.
- And we'll be happy.
- Yes, we will! And we'll have a party room, our living room, for parties and balls and feasts, but only parties without rules, for fun, without the pressure of winnowing galas. We'll dance, we'll sing, we'll eat, everyone together, from all species, and no matter the powers and titles and frills and conventions and all that.
Keefe turned to her and clasped her hand tightly. Sophie imitated him, her heart racing as she met his gaze.
- Sophie, if we survive to adulthood, I promise. I... I feel like I belong there. It'll be a house of happiness, an ode to everything that makes sense. And you know what? It'll be even better and more meaningful than being a troublemaker among the nobility.
- Say, Keefe, I didn't think you'd change career plans so easily.
- I have more than one string to my bow, Sophie. Life is so vast. There are myriads of ways to make you laugh.
Sophie felt so surprised by this answer that she laughed, to Keefe's greatest pleasure.
- What a dream, really.
- It sure is. I've never been so eager to survive the Neverseen so I could experience that.
- Me too.
Determined, Sophie embraced Keefe and kissed him fiercely. Keefe, flabbergasted, kissed her back, again and again. They explored each other shyly, taming the effervescence each new caress brought. Radiant, moved, spectators and adventurers, Sophie and Keefe gave each other the most beautiful cuddle in their history and shamelessly slipped under the blankets before dozing off with ease. Together at last, they slept even better than if Silveny had filled their minds with her serene transmissions. Their own images were enough.
A growl suddenly roused them from their peaceful slumber. Sophie and Keefe opened their eyes at the same time then smiled at each other, happy to see each other, fulfilled by their complicity of the night before. They reluctantly parted, turning simultaneously to face their visitor. Their visitors, that is. Almost everyone was there.
Sophie straightened up against her headboard, drawing her knees up to give herself composure. She was surprisingly calm, given the circumstances. In the past, she would have liked to hide under the bedcover. But that morning, she felt a new strength rising within her: the firm determination that came with taking responsibility for one's actions. Being honest had always worked for her. She knew she had nothing to reproach herself for. If anyone had to feel bad, it wasn't her or her lover. On second thought, there was probably no reason for anyone to feel bad.
- Hello, everyone, she softly said. Allright. First of all, I'd like to say a few words. In case you didn't know, Keefe and I...
She looked at him. He had straightened up, too. He smiled at her. How did he feel? She'd imagined Keefe would bluster to all and sundry if she gave in to his charms. But no, he just seemed level-headed and observant. Perhaps he was worried about Fitz, who didn't seem so confortable in his shoes. But there he was, with her. He took her hand without saying a word.
- ... we love each other.
He nodded solemnly. Sophie continued, strengthened by his assent.
- If you don't want to see us together, next time you'll knock before entering my room.
A long silence followed her words. Keefe was still holding her hand. She looked at her friends. Fitz was looking at his feet, but he didn't seem angry. Grady looked resigned, a little pout on his face, but nothing more. Edaline smiled beatifically. Sandor sighed. Mr Forkle, Tam, Dex and Biana smiled knowingly, even approvingly? Approvingly? It warmed her heart. If Dex could imagine her sleeping with Keefe with a smile on his face, that meant there might be hope on Fitz's side. Linh looked as calm as ever. Marella and Stina wore mocking looks. Well, it could have been worse.
A part of Sophie's mind triumphed. It looked as if she'd just granted herself the right to spend more time with Keefe! It was much simpler than she'd expected. She took a deep breath and asked:
- So, what's the purpose of your morning visit?