I wrote this chapter as an alternate route before the last chapter. What could have happened. I didn't know if I wanted it to go like this, but after much thought I'm putting it out there. Please review.
6 weeks earlier (continued):
"On the other hand," Joan steered their conversation, "How are things going with you and Ryan? He seemed on edge today," She turned back to put the clothes in the dresser drawer.
Annie sighed, she was trying to formulate an answer, wishing she could will away the topic. Joan wouldn't take any bs Annie had to offer, and Annie didn't want to go down this path right now.
Instead she opted for the honest truth, "Joan I need help," it came out more raw than she had intended. Her voice almost hoarse.
Joans eyes widened, this was a new Annie. Joan hadn't seen an Annie like this since that night when Annie was dark.
Joan nodded, knowing it must have been important.
Annie put the sleeping baby in the crib and shut the door of Macs room silently. Then she leaned against the door breaking the minute of silence, "I," she swallowed, "I told Auggie I love him," she shut her eyes resting her head against the door and let a breath out.
Annie wasn't sure if she was still shocked from this morning or if she was shocked she just admitted that to Joan.
She was scared to open her eyes and see the expression on her boss and friends face so she kepted them closed longer.
Joan also could not believe what Annie had just said. It must be some big secret to throw Annie this off Joan thought.
The news of Annie still loving Auggie was no shock at all to Joan.
Joan knew Ryan deeply cared for Annie. This was his first relationship since his wife. Still, Joan knew Annie was healing from going dark after all this time, and that you don't just get over a relationship like Auggie and Annie had in six months.
"I know," That made Annie open her eyes, "I've known that you still love him. You don't look at McQuaid like you did Auggie, you never have."
"I never could," Annie said more confidently, "I met Auggie in a time of my life where I wasn't afraid to feel. I met Ryan at the point I had convinced myself I wasn't worthy of anyone caring."
Joan was still shocked that Annie was being this open. Not wanting to discourage this openness Joan knew she needed to be supportive. At the end of the day, she just wanted Annie to be happy. Annie had given up so much and it was partly her fault as her boss.
Still, if Annie and Ryan were to separate it would change Annie's entire life all over again.
"But who do you see in your future?" Joan probed
Annie smiled, "I care so much about Ryan, things with him feel so carefree. He's an amazing companion and hes as adventurous as me. I could see us doing so much and growing old.
Then her eyebrows furred, "But Auggie, he just, he knows me. He makes me feel weak and it's scary. And we have a long list of problems. But their fixable problems. He makes me feel whole and he knows so much, too much about me," she sighed, pondering," He's the one consistent person in the last 7 years, the one I see myself with in 7 more. The other half," saying all of this out aloud made Annie feel so conflicted. She was in a relationship with Ryan after all.
"Why are you telling me," Joan asked, "I think you know the answer."
"But Ryan is amazing, and comfortable. I don't want to hurt him. I've hurt too many people."
Her boss nodded, "Right now though is the time. Ryan is a good guy, he will understand. He's intuitive too, he can sense you just as well as you can him. The longer you stay the more it will hurt for both of you."
Annie swallowed a bit bewildered, "your telling me to break up with my boyfriend?"
Joan grimaced shaking her head, "No, I'm telling you you deserve to be happy and that you need to do what will make you happy."
"Hmm," Annie nodded.
"What you decide to do or not do is up to you," Joan replied matter of factly.
"Thank you so much Joan," Annie let our a shy smile, and Joan closed the four feet between them to embrace Annie.
Annie allowed Joans warm hug to fill her. She knew what to do now.