Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews and comments. They really do keep me going I am sorry I am not replying to them this time. It's late and it's either put the chapter up tonight without replies, or reply and take another few days. Apologies for taking so long to write again, and for any mistakes in the writing. (I am typing on a keyboard that ignores half of the buttons I press.) Hope you enjoy!
Elizabeth did her best to take part in the conversation, ignoring the hints from her aunt and uncle to say more than she felt capable of at the present. She forced herself to join in as much as she felt able with their conversation about their recently departed guests. Her aunt and uncle declared both to be excellent gentlemen, although they owned that while Mr. Darcy was easily the finer in both appearance and consequence, the colonel was far more genial.
Despite her unwillingness to join in the conversation, as well as her own less than generous feelings towards her fiancée, Elizabeth was interested to hear their opinion of him and could only wish they had said more. In the end she had to be content with the fact that neither could find fault with Mr. Darcy beyond that his manners were rather formal and that he spoke little. Elizabeth thought that they were rather too generous in that regard, as she felt that he had shown his usual pride and disdain at being in company with those in trade.
Elizabeth did manage to mention the connection with Wickham, although she dared not say too much, both with her sister looking disapproving and in the presence of Maria. Mrs. Gardiner only said that perhaps she thought that there might be some misunderstanding, for she could not imagine that Mr. Darcy would stoop so low as to cut off his childhood friends without good reason, and that indeed she had heard from her friends in Derbyshire that Mr. Wickham was not very well thought of.
Elizabeth could not help but press her aunt for details, and felt vindicated in her approval of him when her aunt could give her none. Indeed, as she explained to her aunt, Mr. Darcy, as the local landowner, would surely be held in higher regard than the son of the old steward. She had certainly heard nothing of him that would suggest that he was in any way negligent in the care of his estates and tenants that might cause resentment.
Mrs. Gardiner could feel nothing but confusion. Before she had met the gentleman, Mrs Gardner had imagined quite a different manner of person than the one who had come to call and who had paid her niece particular attention, although she could not say this out loud, however much she wished to. That he admired her was obvious, so much so, that if she had not just heard of Elizabeth's continued dislike of the gentleman, she might have supposed them to be secretly engaged. His coming to their home, a tradesman's home, in Cheapside, and even bringing his sister certainly suggested that the two had an understanding, or at least were on the verge of one. That Miss Darcy was not even out would make her presence that evening very unusual, unless there was some sort of understanding between the two. Yet Elizabeth insisted on making her dislike known and Mrs. Gardiner did not want to push the matter.
His younger sister was a safer topic of conversation. It was clear she had no pride about her at all, but was only exceedingly shy, and all the ladies had gathered from a little conversation they had had with her that she had not been out much in company. Mrs Gardiner privately felt convinced that the older brother also suffered from a similar affliction. Despite being able to move in the highest circles in the ton, both due to his own consequence as well as his close connection to an Earl, she felt, unlike Lizzy, that his long silences were only due to his unease in company. What she had heard from Lizzy about his pride and disdain for those beneath him did not at all fit with him accepting an invitation to dine at the house of a tradesman, and bring his sister, no less.
Elizabeth could only wonder at the difference between Mr. Wickham's description of Miss Darcy and her own observation of the young lady, until she remembered that Mr. Wickham had admitted to having his more recent information of her from other sources, rather than firsthand. Perhaps she had improved for the better within the last few years, or the acquaintance from which he had had his information had mistaken her shyness for pride. In any case, Elizabeth went upstairs that evening with her mind full of Mr Darcy and his sister.
The journey home the next day seemed interminable. Elizabeth wished to confide in her sister about her engagement, but did not know how to broach the subject, and with Mariah present there was no chance to speak in confidence in any case. Matters were made even less comfortable when at the coaching inn, their two youngest sisters appeared at the upper window, and Elizabeth despaired of finding any moment to talk to her sister privately, and resigned herself to enjoying the final leg of the journey even less than the rest.
Both her younger sisters' conversation at the inn and later in the carriage centred around their news of the militia's upcoming decampment to Brighton as well as Wickham's 'escape' from Mary King. While Elizabeth could not agree with the coarseness of expression from her youngest siblings, she could not but feel regret that a gentleman whose company she enjoyed, and towards whom she had harboured some small feeling, would likely despise her for the mercenary choice she had made to marry the man who had ruined his prospects.
Elizabeth was glad to finally reach Longbourn a few hours later, escaping the cramped conditions, painful conversation and squabbling of the younger sisters. There was very little peace to be had immediately, however, for almost all the Lucases had come to meet Mariah and hear the news. The dining room was full of loud conversation, with everyone talking across each other and Lydia, in a voice louder than any other, enumerating the various pleasures of the morning to anyone who would hear her.
In the afternoon Lydia was urgent with the rest of the girls to walk to Meryton and see how every body went on, but Elizabeth steadily opposed the idea. It should not be said, that the Miss Bennets could not be at home half a day before they were in pursuit of the officers. There was another reason too for her opposition. She dreaded seeing Wickham again, and was resolved to avoid it as long as possible. She almost felt too ashamed to renew the acquaintance knowing that the news of her engagement would soon be spreading through the neighbourhood.
Elizabeth had not been many hours at home, before she found that a scheme to take them all to Brighton, of which Lydia had given them a hint at the inn, was under frequent discussion between her parents. Elizabeth saw directly that her father had not the smallest intention of yielding, but his answers were at the same time so vague and equivocal, that her mother, although often disheartened, had never yet despaired of succeeding at last.
While preparing for bed that evening, Elizabeth's need to acquaint Jane with what had happened could no longer be overcome, and at length resolving to suppress every particular in which her sister was concerned, and preparing her to be surprised, she related to her later the chief of the scene between Mr. Darcy and herself, although she was determined to keep to herself the real reason for her acceptance.
To say that Jane was surprised was an understatement. "You are joking, Lizzy. This cannot be!—engaged to Mr. Darcy! No, no, you shall not deceive me. I know it to be impossible."
"This is a wretched beginning indeed! My sole dependence was on you; and I am sure nobody else will believe me if you do not, for you are the only person in the neighbourhood that thinks well of him. Yet, indeed, I am in earnest. I speak nothing but the truth. He tells me he loves me, and I have accepted his proposal.
Jane looked at her doubtingly. "Oh, Lizzy! it cannot be. I know how much you dislike him."
As much as Elizabeth wished she could tell her sister the truth in that moment, she knew that she could not. Her sister would not be able to understand her reasoning and would press her to break the engagement before marrying without affection. So she replied with a lightness to her manner that she did not feel.
"You know nothing of the matter. That is all to be forgot. Perhaps I did not always think well of him, but having spent more time with him at Rosings I have come to understand him in a way I did not before. In such cases as these, a good memory is unpardonable. This is the last time I shall ever remember it myself."
Jane still looked all amazement. Elizabeth again, and more seriously assured her of its truth.
"Good Heaven! can it be really so! Yet now I must believe you," cried Jane. "My dear, dear Lizzy, I would—I do congratulate you—but are you certain? forgive the question—are you quite certain that you can be happy with him?"
Elizabeth forced a smile onto her lips. Jane knew her better than anyone besides Mr Bennet, and she knew that if she could not convince her there was no way her father would believe her. She thought about how her marriage to Mr Darcy would save her family from destitution, and could at least find some joy in that. "I am happy, Jane. It is settled between us already, and he will come soon to speak to my father. But are you pleased, Jane? Shall you like to have such a brother?"
"Of course. I never thought And do you really love him quite well enough? Oh, Lizzy! do anything rather than marry without affection. Are you quite sure that you feel what you ought to do?"
"My dearest sister, now be serious. I want to talk very seriously. Let me know every thing that I am to know, without delay. Will you tell me how long you have loved him?"
Elizabeth could only divert her at that moment with levity, lest the truth force itself from her lips."It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began. But I believe I must date it from my first seeing the great fireplace at Rosings with my own eyes and realising how lucky I would be to be connected in any way to such magnificence. Did I tell you how many window Rosings has, or how much Sir Lewis de Bourgh paid for the glazing?
Another entreaty that she would be serious, however, produced the desired effect; and with no little effort on her part she soon satisfied Jane by her solemn assurances of attachment. When convinced on that article, Miss Bennet had nothing further to wish. Elizabeth left her soon after, unable to keep up the facade in the light of Jane's happiness for her. She went to bed less satisfied with unburdening herself to her sister than she had hoped, for she had been unable to share the part which weighed upon her the most heavily. She would have to get used to the feeling, she realised, for she had no one with which she could share her secret.
Over the next two days Elizabeth tried to work up the courage to speak to her father, but he was in such a good mood due to her and Jane's return that she felt unable to sour it. It was not until the morning that she knew Mr. Darcy was to arrive in Meryton that she could bring herself to seek out her father shortly after breakfast. He was, as ever, in his library, and his expression upon seeing his favourite daughter when she entered only made her feel worse with the knowledge that what she was about to impart would upset him greatly.
"To what do I owe this pleasure, Lizzy?" her father asked quizzically.
"I… I need to talk to you, Papa," she replied, shifting nervously on her feet.
Her father peered over his spectacles at her with a smile. "Ah, we finally come to it then. I've had the impression you've been holding back something over the last few days. What happened at Rosings? Did the amiable Colonel propose? Am I to expect a visit from the son of an Earl before too long?"
Lizzie could only wince at how close her father had jokingly come to the truth. Her stories of Rosings had perhaps unconsciously included little of Mr Darcy, but she had been full of nothing but praise for his more amiable Cousin. No wonder that her father had the wrong impression.
"No Papa, the Colonel, while very amiable, would not do for me. In any case, he is in need of marrying an heiress to keep him in the in the style crew which he has become accustomed, due to being a younger son.
"And I supposed he informed you of this himself. But if not the Colonel, it must be something else besides impending marriage, for I know you can't have changed your opinion of Mr Darcy. Unless Mr Collins has another cousin that we did not know about. Or perhaps now you have witnessed for yourself the patronage and condescension of Lady Catherine de Bourgh towards her curate, you have realised your mistake in not accepting Mr Collins?"
"No indeed Papa!" And despite the seriousness of the conversation she could not help a smile at the her father's ridiculousness.
"Then whatever is it my girl? You have not been quite yourself since your return and I have wondered what the reason for it is."
"I suppose it is…" Elizabeth paused and shook her head slightly. "I don't really know how to begin. You will think me most fickle."
Mr Bennet frowned before reaching forward and pulling up a chair next to her. "Sit down my child, and begin where you feel you can."
"Well Father. When you guessed that I had received a proposal you weren't completely wrong." Mr Bennet could only raise a quizzical eye before motioning for her to continue. "But it was not from the Colonel. It was.." She took a deep breath. "It was from Mr Darcy."