CONRAD
„Well maybe if you weren't drooling over my girlfriend, she wouldn't be here." He can't be serious about this, this has to be a joke.
„It's my fault Belly had an accident?" I asked him, shocked at his accusation.
„Well, she sure as hell didn't ran off to call me." He said, gently touching the spot on his face I just punched him. I hope it's burning.
„She called me to get the fuck away from you!" I yelled at him. That little piece of shit.
„Because you wouldn't leave us alone. You couldn't handle the fact that she was with me, because you were so invested in getting your way again." I couldn't quite comprehend if he was just saying this as an act of revenge or if he wanted me to feel guilty, because it wasn't working. She did indeed run outside, but because she was running away from him. Calling me was just a side task she wanted to do.
„Don't blame me for being a shitty boyfriend. That one is on you." I said, trying to seem unbothered by his failed attempt to act unbothered.
„None of this would have happened if you'd just let us be happy." He spat out, turned around, and left for his car that was parked on that side of the hospital.
I stood there, watching him leave, glad he was gone. I turned around to see Steven observing the whole thing. He had an expression that I couldn't quite read. Between shock and anger, all sorts of emotions were intertwined on his face.
„What else did Shayla tell you?" I asked and walked up to him.
„She said Belly and Jere came to Gigi's party after their date. She talked to Belly for a while and then Belly caught Jere with another girl. She ran outside, and the next thing Shayla knew is that they were calling the ambulance for Belly."
I needed to calm myself down; all of this anger didn't help me or her. I was just so disappointed in Jere. I knew he would cheat on her; it was a tornado I had seen from far away, embedded in his DNA, ingrained in his personality. Someone with such a flirty demeanour rarely settles down so young. He enjoyed being cozy with people, and he wasn't even shy about it. I knew he loved Belly, he loved her a lot, but he was way too comfortable with being close to so many other people that he couldn't help himself. I was okay with letting Belly realise that on her own. Sure, I may have shown her that I wanted her just as badly, but I wanted her to see Jere for who he was. Only then would she forever leave that in the past.
However, I was not okay with him not protecting her. I was… Laurel was counting on him to bring her home safely. Belly was so strong, she didn't need protection, I would never say she was still our little girl we needed to watch over, but it was a given, if you're on a date with someone, you have to make sure they get home safe, or at least with you for that night. He just left her there at the party to go hang out with someone else, while they were on a date. He embarrassed her in front of all of these people that she knew.
„That's so fucked up." I said and Steven nodded.
„But, that does sound like Jere." Steven voice was angry, who could blame him? It was his little sister.
Walking into that sterile hospital felt like stepping into a nightmare I couldn't escape. The scent of antiseptic assaulted my senses as I laid eyes on Belly, lying still and unconscious in the bed. Wires and monitors surrounded her, turning the once-vibrant girl into a fragile puppet of the medical machinery.
„She is so strong." Laurel said, watching her.
„Yes, people have a horrible tendency of underestimating her." I replied and sat down next to her.
„It's not your fault, Connie. None of this is." She finally looked at me.
„I can't stop thinking that it might be, she wanted to call me."
„She will always call you when she's in trouble." She said and rubbed my back gently.
„I really need her to be okay, there is so much I need to tell her."
„You will." She responded and smiled at me.
„Laurel, I never said thank you."
„For what?"
„For not giving up on me, for being on my side, always."
„You're my special guy." She said that with such warmth in her voice.
After our conversation Laurel and Steven went back to the house, to try and get at least an hour or two of sleep and something to eat. I refused to. The chairs weren't that bad, and that way, as soon as I was allowed to visit her again and hold her hand, I would.
Over the next two days, people would walk in and out of that hospital and her room, but I didn't. I didn't mind either, I could change and shower here.
All of it was fine—the uncomfortable chairs, the vending machine food. I was fine with all of it, except with my own thoughts. They were the ones destroying me, making me think that she might never wake up, forcing me to consider the worst possible outcome. My thoughts were my worst enemies. The things I would do to bring her back to me, the trades I would accept just to hear her speak to me again.
Laurel regularly made sure I would eat something, she was worried about me as my mental state and physical shape were both growing weaker. The main nurse already knew me by my name, and I'm pretty sure she wasn't only checking in on Belly every time, she was also looking out for me, which was kind of cute.
„You should really get some rest, Conrad" She said to me as she was writing something down on Belly's chart. It was frustrating not knowing everything that was going on and everything they were monitoring.
„I'm fine, Tina." I smiled up at her, and she rubbed my shoulder before leaving.
She explained to me that waking up under these conditions didn't necessarily mean she was responsive. So I made sure I would hold her hand and talk to her, just in case she needed comfort and was ready to fully wake up.
Belly had lost weight, and her bruises had fully developed. She was still Belly, still the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on, but it wasn't the same. She looked so different, small and fragile. I would usually hold the hand that wasn't in the cast, and it was colder than mine, which wasn't something I was used to; she was the one to warm me up, not the other way around. The reality of a world without Belly's laughter, warmth, and vibrant spirit hit me like a tidal wave.
I missed her, but not like I missed her before. Missing her from Boston, when she was just a call away was different than what it was now. I knew the doctors were doing their best, and I knew there was nothing I could do, but I just wanted her back. I just wanted her safe and back to me, I needed her to come back to me.
„Belly, please don't leave me." I whispered as I held her hand with both of my hands.
„I will do anything. I will stay out of your way or never leave your side again. Just please, baby, come back to me." At times, I felt like I had no tears left anymore, but then they would surprise my cheeks, watching her like this.
It was a dangerous game, being worried and not crossing the line into depressive episodes where my mind would play with the thought of her never waking up. Nothing would ever be the same if she would never be here. If I were to never hear her voice again, I wouldn't want to speak either. She is the only one I didn't have to translate the language of my soul. She was the only one that knew when I needed her and when I needed her to let me be. I didn't want to explain that to anyone else. I needed her.
Jere wouldn't dare to come into the room. It was good that he still had some dignity and respect to not be with her after she got hurt running away from him. The last thing she would need when she wakes up is to see that he was still there when she needed to be away from him.
Laurel was growing more and more tense with every visit in which Belly didn't wake up, and Steven wasn't doing much better either. He was always looking for things to do and bring us. I didn't need anything, but I would still always give him some tasks. If that was what it took to calm him, I didn't mind.
I already contacted Taylor, and Laurel made sure Belly's dad knew as well. On day three, I was with her alone in the room when Jeremiah dared to knock and walk in.
„Get out of here." I said to him in my calmest tone.
„I want to see her." He said and took a step inside anyways.
„You don't deserve to be here." I didn't look at him, I just kept looking at her.
„I do love her." He said and sat down on the chair Laurel would usually occupy next to me.
„I know you do." I whispered, somewhat defeated. I didn't have the strength to fight with him now, this hospital was all I've seen for the past three days.
„And I know you love her too." He said. It was always the worst tension between us when we would talk about her, she was the one thing that neither one of us wanted to let go of.
„You have no idea." I said and closed my eyes for a second, this was painful.
„This thing… between us… her loving you, me loving her… it never did us any good." His voice was cracking, and the words he said felt heavy on both of us.
„I was ready to let her be happy with you, that's how much I love her." I looked at him, and I know he was surprised at how puffy and red my eyes were. I was in an even worse shape than I was losing my mom.
„I think… I always knew I wouldn't stand a chance against you." He said, and he showed sadness like I haven't seen him wear in a long time.
„I can't love her like you do." I admitted. I hated him for what he did to her, and I still wanted to beat the living shit out of him, but it felt good to let it off my chest.
„If you work on it, I think you could love her better." He gave me a weak smile, and I nodded. This was the first thing we agreed on in months.
I wanted to respond, but all of my attention turned to Belly when I felt her hand gently squeeze mine. I thought I was imagining things.
„Call the nurse! Call her right now!" I said, panic and joy rushed over me. I stood up and leaned closer to her face. Jere rushed to get a nurse, and I moved hair behind her ear and gently kissed the top of her head. She regained some of her warmth, I could feel it.
„Belly, can you open your eyes? Can you open them for me?" I was never so excited feeling her squeeze my hand again. And then it happened, I saw her smile once I pulled my lips away from her forehead. It didn't feel real, the first time even felt like my imagination was playing a prank on me, but the second squeeze felt stronger. My wide smile was interrupted by two nurses, pushing me to the side to check Belly's responsiveness.
„C-Conrad?" I could feel Jeremiah's body tense next to me when we heard Belly speak.
„I'm here Belly, it's alright." I said, loud and clear for her to hear me.
She didn't open her eyes quite yet, but I could see her smile. It was a weak smile, but it was hers and I wasn't imagining it. The nurses checked her responsiveness and called for the doctor.
„I can't feel my legs." Belly whispered before opening her eyes.
She looked so tired and confused, I wanted to push the nurse away and carry her out of this place.
„Where am I?" She asked, looking around the room, panic was evident in her voice and face.
„You're at the hospital, honey. You've had a pretty bad accident, and we needed to operate." The nurse answered. Jere walked out to inform Laurel and Steven.
„Why can't I feel my legs?" Belly started crying. I couldn't handle that, so I make my way over to her before the doctor walked in.
„You need to leave." He said to me, and the nurses escorted me out.
Of course, I understood that I wasn't technically family and that I was only in the way of them helping her, but I still got angry I didn't get to be there for her. Hearing her call after me broke my heart, but this was good, at least she was able to call after me.
Laurel and Steven rushed over to me and Laurel hugged me tightly, full of joy.
„She is really awake?" She asked me, in desperate need of assurance.
I nodded, and she walked into the room to talk with the doctors and to see Belly. Steven and I sat down, and he euphorically shook my shoulder.
„Dude, she's awake!" His voice was excited and elated, it felt so good to hear those words, my whole heart was smiling.
Surprisingly enough, I didn't care about my sleep deprivation or the fact that I literally had to be escorted out of the room. I was still breathing heavily from the joy I felt hearing her voice, it was my favourite sound.
After what seemed like forever, Laurel finally walked out of the room.
„She wants to see you." She said to me, I unconsciously turned around to check if she really meant me. I swear I never stood up fast in my life. Jeremiah's eyes were following my every move.
I was nervous, I didn't know how she felt about everything, about me. Our last conversation was hell, and we didn't leave things on good terms. I felt so guilty for not answering my phone when she called me, and if all of this wasn't punishment enough, I felt like I didn't even deserve to see her now. What did I ever do to deserve to be the one for her? The one she wanted to see after waking up?
„Belly?" I should be ashamed at how low and weak my voice was.
She was sitting up and looking straight in front of her. The colour on her cheeks returned, and I was so glad to see her awake.
„I might not walk again." She didn't look at me, she knew I was there.
„Belly, it-"
„They said the injuries were too severe." She whispered, looking at her legs.
I started walking up to her.
„It feels so strange, like they aren't mine." I thought seeing her cry was the worst thing imaginable, but seeing her hurt in silence was worse.
„You're awake." I said it like I didn't think I will experience it again.
Nothing mattered, nothing at all. She was here and I wasn't dreaming. She was awake and she speaking to me again. Watching her breathe now felt like a blessing, something I will never take for granted again.
„But my legs, they—„
„You're awake." I smiled at her, if she only knew, how scared I have been for the past three days, how afraid I was of losing her.
„But, Conrad, I—"
„You will walk again, we will do anything that it takes to make that happen, but please Belly, for the love of God, let me be happy you're awake." I said, out of breath. I took her hand, and she held on tightly.
„I'm awake." She said, like she surprised herself with her own words. It took her some time, but the words soaked in and she finally smiled back.
That smile was the single most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Nothing ever made me as happy as that smile did. Not just because it was hers, but because I didn't think I would see it again.
„I was so scared." I said, and her hand felt like hers again, it was such a relief.
„We were drinking, and then I—"
„I know what happened." She didn't need to relive that, and I certainly didn't want to hear about it again. She nodded and looked at our hands.
„I don't know where to start, I feel so stupid."
„We don't have to start now."
„My mom said you didn't leave the hospital." She looked up at me.
„I wouldn't leave the room either, but the nurses wouldn't let me stay." I really did sound insane.
„Why?"
„You called me. Remember?"
„Is he—" She didn't need to finish that sentence.
„He is." Acting unbothered seemed like an impossible mission now, annoyance was painted all over my face.
I stood up, ready to leave when she gently pulled me back by the hand as we haven't let go of each other yet.
„Stay, please." So, of course, I sat down.
„What did the doctor say?." I took a piece of her hair, twirled it between my middle and index finger. It was still like a little kid's hair, always messy.
„The surgery they had on my legs was successful since they didn't have to amputate, but it will take a lot of physical therapy and patience to get me back on my feet."
„It's okay, that's fine." I gently stroke her cheek, comforting her. „We'll do that, if that's what it takes."
„Jere" She said and I turned around.
He stood there at the door, not moving, not saying anything. He had his hands in his pockets, which was always a sign of nervousness, to me, it always looked so rude. He was her boyfriend, and he should be the one sitting here with her and comforting her. I stood up, and Belly took her time letting go of my hand. I took one long look at her and walked out of the room, giving it my all not to push Jere against the wall for what he did to her.
I couldn't hear anything of their conversation. Which was good on many levels. It meant they weren't screaming at each other, as stress wasn't good for Belly, and also, I really didn't want to hear anything about their private issues. I already knew too much.
After quite some time, Jere stormed off, he didn't seem mad. I stood up, and he walked even faster, as if I would want to talk to him. Thank you, but no. I sneakily stole a glance of her, she was looking out of the window, and the sight of that made me think of ways to cheer her up.
I searched for Tina, she was in the room next to Belly's, and once I told her all about it, she looked at me shocked, that was an immediate no without even hearing it. I was determined, so I pulled all of my best persuasion skills, and just as I was about to beg, she caved in.
Tina got a hold of a wheelchair, and we made our way to Belly's room.
„You must avoid Dr. Plack at all cost, use the back door exit and be back by 8." She said, moving the wheelchair closer to Belly's bed.
Belly looked down at the wheel chair and then at my devilish smile. She was confused, but a shy smile formed on her lips, knowing something strictly forbidden was going on.
„What are you doing?" She asked, and I got closer to her.
„I'm getting you out." I winked at her. Yes, that still had the same effect on her as always.
I took another step closer to her and removed the blanket from her body, revealing the short hospital gown. She still had a cast on her arm and one of her legs. I was very gentle and slow when I placed my arms around her.
„May I?" I asked her, and she nodded, excited.
Tina helped me put her in the wheelchair, she made sure her casts didn't move, and Belly didn't feel any pain. Our secret mission was going well.
I almost didn't want to put her down, her free arm was wrapped around my neck, and she was breathing against my skin, which drove my mind to places where we would be alone.
If Belly felt any pain at all, she was hiding it very well, as she didn't flinch one bit. Tina packed my backpack with the things I would need in case of an emergency.
„If they ask me where you are, I will deny having anything to do with this." She said, but she could barely hide her smile.
I nodded and leaned down to Belly before whispering.
„You have to tell me, if you want to go back." My voice was serious, and she nodded, understanding the importance of her feeling comfortable with this.
Together, we escaped this horrific, cold hospital out the nurses' emergency exit that Tina showed us, and we slowly made our way out.
„Where are we going?" Belly asked, stretching her head up to look at me, the wind was messing up her already messy hair, and it didn't look anything short of beautiful to me.
„Where you feel the happiest." I couldn't erase the smile from my face as we made our way to the beach. It was nearly impossible to push her wheelchair on sand, so I made sure we found a cemented pathway leading to the beach. Once we reached the border, I turned to her:
„I'm sorry, we can't get much closer." I said, and she took my hand to move me to the side so she could take a better view of the ocean.
„It's perfect, Connie." She almost teared up, and I knew I did the right thing, nothing felt as right as this. We were together and we were at the beach.
Her skin was shining like before, and despite the pain she probably felt, she looked so at peace she gave me peace. This is my love, this is all my love, this is the girl that all my love belonged to.
„Do you remember the list you created on your 14th birthday?" I asked her.
„‚100 things I have to do before I die' list? Of course, I remember." She giggled, probably thinking it was silly to mention something like that.
„You should write a new one." I said, looking at the sunset, taking a deep breath before continuing: „I want to make sure you do all of it." The grip or her hand on mine grew stronger, and I was grateful, for having this moment and for having her, here, with me.