With his shock of white hair, his black mask, his singular eye, and his rather impressive height, Kakashi could cut an imposing figure when he wanted to. Add to that his jonin status—a certification of extreme excellence among a caste of people whose job it is to make trouble—and I could hardly fault Naruto for quavering before that man's ire.
What followed was a spectacular tirade on the perils of blind initiative and the importance of enlightened obedience, which I thought was somewhat misplaced—Kakashi had, after all, phrased his fasting order in the form of a suggestion, as talented political maneuverers are wont to do. But I do not recommend reasoning with a couple of terrified twelve-year-olds; it is simply a waste of energy. Similarly, it is not wise to reason with people who are actively advancing fallacious arguments. So I kept my silence.
I had expected Naruto to inform Kakashi of my own "misdemeanors" at the first opportunity, but I was surprised. Naruto did not so much as glance in my direction throughout the whole ordeal, even though he was clearly scared to the verge of tears.
It took a quarter of an hour for Kakashi to appease his sadistic urges. With one last menacing glare at a trembling Naruto, he finally condescended to explain the upcoming trial. Stalking over to the three stakes on the edge of the field, he produced an alarm clock, placed it on top of the central stake, and engaged the timer. Then he turned to face the three of us, who had silently followed in his wake, like housebroken dogs.
"The alarm is set for noon." His voice, although relaxed as usual, now carried an iciness that made my companions squirm uncomfortably. The time was 11:23.
"Your task," Kakashi explained, unhurriedly, "is to take these from me." He held up two small, silver bells. Each bell was attached to a few centimeters of thin, red string. I idly concluded that Kakashi must have acquired the bells, strings and all, from some sort of interior design establishment.
"You may use any means at your disposal, including kunai and shuriken. Those of you who do not have a bell by noon fail the exam. Since there are only two bells, at least one of you will fail." Kakashi gave Naruto a deliberate, meaningful look. "Furthermore," he continued, "I will be writing a report detailing your complete inability to follow basic instructions during your brief spell as genin, so you might as well forget about ever becoming a ninja if you don't pass today. To be clear, that applies to all of you."
My companions looked at each other with burgeoning looks of horror, but I allowed my lips to quirk in amusement. Of course, Kakashi could not let such defiance go unaddressed. "Care to share with the class, Sasuke?" he demanded with a sardonically raised eyebrow.
"Oh, nothing much," I responded nonchalantly. "Only that this is quite a time-sensitive task, coming from someone who can hardly be trusted to keep time."
Kakashi appeared unfazed. "You are mistaken." His voice was indifferent, his posture apathetic, and had he exchanged his military gear for civilian attire, he would have appeared every bit the archetype of the self-satisfied petty academic. "I told you guys to arrive early. I never said that I was joining you. Quite presumptuous of you, really."
I wiped the smile off my face and silently inclined my head in acknowledgment of his contention. But internally, I was indulging in an uncustomary episode of gleeful self-congratulation.
Kakashi tied the bells to his belt and retrieved a small, orange book from his weapons pouch—a pornographic work, I recognized—before he turned around and started walking away as if he had forgotten all about his young charges. But then he made a vague hand gesture over his shoulder, and instructed, in an entirely disinterested voice: "Begin whenever you're ready."
I left my comrades to contend with a frankly impossible enemy. I had decided that a quick shopping trip was in order.