Almost through pure serendipity, five paths were open to the five pairs of officers as soon as they exited Schwarz's portal: one in front of them, and two on either side. The inside of the palace dwarfed the other buildings on the island by a large margin. The vestibule alone had to be at least four hundred feet high, fitting three floors with many different hallways. The walls were lit with torches, and in between each torch was a painting of Ford. At the end of the hall was a massive double door. Of particular note in this hall was a giant statue of Ford, which seemed to be emitting smoke of some sort. To no one's surprise, the whole place, like the rest of Linnelton, reeked of Happy Happy Grass.
Almost immediately, the crew was beset by a pair of spear-carrying giant guards in purple toupees.
"Hey hey! What the hell do you tiny people think you're doing you're think people tiny you do hell the what?!" shouted the first guard as the two crossed their spears in front of the party.
"That was… almost comprehensible…" Schwarz muttered, hands clasped behind his head.
"We're here to see Ford," said Shaska. "We're business people. Doing business."
"You all must be Worldwide Smoke Smoke Worldwide be must all you!" exclaimed the second guard.
"Okay, I'm not listening to this gibberish anymore," Shaska griped. "Schwarz, get them outta here."
"On it," Schwarz casually responded.
He opened portals under the feet of the giant guards, warping them outside.
Shaska began to walk down the gigantic corridor, and the rest of the officers soon followed. The smell of the Happy Happy Grass became even stronger as the crew approached the statue and began breathing in the smoke. Slowly, they began to feel more relaxed, and their eyes began to become bloodshot as a wave of warmth washed over them.
"Ooh… I think…" Ren tried to say. "I think this smoke is Happy Happy Grass…"
"We should… probably split up now…" Johnson noted, looking at the various paths.
"Sch… Pretty boy… whatever your name is…" Shaska said. "Get this stupid statue out of here before we get wasted…"
"I can't, it's stuck to the ground…" Schwarz replied.
The pairs of crew members broke off down the hallways around the statue. Johnson and Salvatore headed southwest. Schwarz and Lulupo stumbled southeast. Zeiko and Zeimaru headed northwest, while Ren and Zinnia sauntered northeast. Lastly, Shaska and Isha headed north toward the double doors.
—-
The southwest corridor led Johnson and Salvatore to a massive set of double doors. Salvatore pushed the doors open, revealing a gargantuan library inside. Books the size of each of them lined the three floor high room, and the bookshelves reached the ceiling. In the center of the room was another giant Ford statue (in a different pose) emitting Happy Happy Grass smoke.
"Oh… geez…" Johnson said before starting to giggle. "Heehee… this damn smoke's gonna be the death of us…"
"I dunno… it's starting to feel really… really good…" said Salvatore.
"Amen, brother…" came a voice from behind a bookshelf.
From out behind the bookshelf sauntered a giant puffing on a giant-sized Happy Happy Grass "cigarette". He was wearing spiked shoulder pads and his purple toupee formed a fringe over his right eye.
"Name's Hanmura. I'm here to destroy you, Worldwide Ssssmoke…" he explained, exhaling a puff of smoke.
"How about you tell us where Ford is?" Johnson asked, shifting to his half ostrich form.
Hanmura began to laugh. "Pffffft… you some kind of bird man, dude? The hell is this?"
Johnson began to crouch for his Ostrich Flash technique… but promptly fell on his ass.
"Oh man… I really need something to munch on…" he muttered.
"I got this…" Salvatore said.
Salvatore reached for one of the books on the shelf next to him and pulled all the color out of the book's cover (blue, in this case), shaping it into a bow and arrow. He pulled the string back and fired at the giant's knee. The arrow went straight through Hanmura, and the arrow splattered on the wall behind him.
"W-what…?" Salvatore stammered.
White clouds began emanating from below Hanmura, mixing with the gray smoke that was puffing out of the statue.
"Hehehe… shoulda mentioned…" Hanmura said. "I ate the Cloud Cloud Fruit… I'm a cloud man. You can't touch me."
Hanmura held out his hand. Black clouds began puffing out of it and started hovering over Johnson and Salvatore. And with a loud thunderclap, lighting dropped on the two. Thanks to the effects of the Happy Happy Grass, the pair were too slow to react and wound up taking the lightning bolt head on.
Johnson and Salvatore's eyes whited out as they struggled to their feet and began coughing.
"Y'see, boys. Every room in this palace has been outfitted with a Happy Happy Statue," Hanmura explained as he began filling the room with more and more lightning clouds. "Helps keep intruders like you in place while us who have tolerance to the grass aren't as affected by the… wonderful effects of the smoke…"
"I have a feeling this'll be an uphill… uh…" Johnson started to say. "Uh… what's the word…?"
"…battle…?" Salvatore interjected.
"Battle!" Johnson exclaimed. "We just gotta destroy that statue then…"
The clouds began to rumble again. This time Johnson and Salvatore were able to dodge the ensuing lightning.
"Hehehe… like I'd let you, little dudes," Hanmura responded, plopping down in front of the statue.
—-
"Oh man… I'm really feeling that grass or whatever…" Schwarz muttered as he and Lulupo exited the southeastern corridor.
They entered a glass conservatory where the sun was beating down on them. There were numerous pieces of furniture fit for giants, along with a wide variety of plants and other decorations such as paintings of Ford. And like Hanmura had told Johnson and Salvatore in the library, there was a Ford statue in here too, also spewing the drugged smoke.
Sitting on one of the couches with his giant feet up was a giant with bulging eyes wearing a helmet with a single spike. He was sitting puffing on a Happy Happy Grass pipe. At his side was a sword fit for a giant.
"Afternoon, fellas. I'm Giruga," said the giant.
Schwarz and Lulupo squared up, their faces slowly contorting into goofy smiles.
"Luhoho… Gi-ru-ga… that's a… funny name, darling…" Lulupo said, stumbling a bit.
Giruga took another hit of Happy Happy Grass, blew smoke, then stood up and drew his sword, casually tossing away the sheath.
"Our intel network says you're from Worldwide Smoke… I'm gonna have to kill you if you even think of taking out our… 'facilities.'"
"Wait…" said Lulupo. He paused for a bit. "Wait… 'facilities'... plural…?"
"Yeah, the greenhouse and arms factory under the hospital," Giruga casually said.
Schwarz and Lulupo stood there for a moment, looked at each other, then looked back up at Giruga, who puffed on his pipe again.
As Giruga blew smoke, he said "oh… probably shouldn't have told you that… now I really REALLY have to kill you two…"
He raised his sword and swiped at the ground where Schwarz and Lulupo were, but the pair managed to dodge.
"I think we should… tell…" Schwarz tried to say as he landed on a chair. He then sat down and said. "Shit… I forgot…"
Lulupo landed behind a potted plant and pulled out his transponder snail. After hitting a few buttons on it, he stopped. "Schwarz… darling… what's Miss Shaska's number…?"
"Dude… I have no idea…" Schwarz said as Giruga slashed downward at him. Schwarz, still being a ninja despite also being stoned, managed to roll out of the way as Giruga cleaved the chair in two.
"Man… I really wish I had Tizona right about now…" he muttered, looking at his empty hands with his now completely bloodshot eyes.
Giruga thrust his sword at Schwarz, who spawned a portal under his own feet and dropped through, landing on the giant's shoulder. He crouched down and said "you… you wanna destroy this statue for us…? The smoke…"
"Hehehe… makes you feel good doesn't it?" Giruga asked.
"I feel like I've lost ten IQ points. At least," Schwarz responded. "Now, peasant… uh…"
"Schwarz… darling…" Lulupo started, growing his hair out. "Oh dear, I forgot what I was going to say…"
—-
Feeling the effects of the Happy Happy Grass sinking in, Ren and Zinnia walked through the northeast corridor into what turned out to be a dining hall. It was a grand hall, with an extra large chandelier dangling from the ceiling and a very tall, long table going down the room. Stationed in the center of the table like a centerpiece was another Ford statue, filling the room with smoke. A bare chested giant with a large purple toupee that covered his eyes sat at the head of the table, chowing down on what looked to be some kind of gigantic poultry. Next to him was some kind of water pipe that had Happy Happy Grass packed in it. The giant finished his meal and puffed on the grass, giggling as he blew smoke.
"Hey… Zinnia… this looks like dining hall… are you hungry…?" Ren asked, looking up at Zinnia.
"I feel… an insatiable hunger right now…" Zinnia responded. She turned to her snake and asked "Ruth…? Are you hungry, too…?"
Ruth gave a contented hiss, then slithered off her owner to curl up in the corner, where she promptly fell asleep.
"How odd… she never does that…" Zinnia muttered.
The giant stood up, not even bothering to clean up his plate. As he walked toward the exit, his gaze caught the two Worldwide Smoke women.
"Well… hello there, little cuties…" he said, squatting down. "What're your names? I'm Ashurba…"
"My name is Zinnia, this is my compatriot, Ren," Zinnia said, eyes half open.
"Though… I would say I'm cute one, Zinnia is more classical beauty…" Ren added.
"How about you two join Minus World?" Ashurba asked. "Be my girls, eh?"
"Huh…?" Zinnia asked.
"He wants us to be his wives…" Ren replied. "No… there's already guy I'm interested in…"
"Oh… I have had enough experience on that front for a lifetime…" Zinnia said, scratching her chin. "Mister… giant… Ashur… Ash…"
Zinnia began to giggle to herself. "Ash-ur-ba… is a funny name… I apologize, I must decline…"
"Suit yourself," Ashurba said as he stood back up. He began to grow even bigger and hairier, and his skin turned pitch black. His muscles began to bulge and he hunched over somewhat.
As this was happening, Zinnia couldn't help but say "...but I am already dressed…", only to be met by being smacked into the wall by a swing of Ashurba's mighty arm.
Zinnia smashed into the wall with a loud crash, and Ren slowly turned her head, too stoned to quickly react. "Oh… that can't be good…" she muttered.
"No, it's not. I ate the Ape Ape Fruit, model: Gorilla," Ashurba explained. "With my gorilla powers, I'm many, many times stronger than your average giant. Forget humans like you. Human women at that…"
Ren slowly turned back to Ashurba, eyes half open and bloodshot, saying "...that was a bit uncalled for…"
Ashurba brought an ape fist down on top of Ren, causing her to shatter into glass, shards getting stuck in Ashurba's hand. He reflexively pulled back and looked at his very slightly bleeding hand, then at the pile of broken glass as Zinnia unstuck herself from the wall.
"I see… you have a Devil Fruit power, too. A Logia, by the looks of it. This looks like it's gonna be more of a hassle than I expected…" he muttered.
Ren reformed from the shattered glass on the ground, huffing and puffing a bit as she said "can we take snack break…? I need… I need snacks…"
"What kind of foods do you have in your pantry…?" Zinnia asked, moving up to Ren's position while rubbing her stomach.
Ashurba looked down at them, then rolled his eyes. "I'm thinking the batch in the statue might be a bit strong…"
—-
Zeiko and Zeimaru walked through the northwestern corridor together, feeling the effects of the Happy Happy Grass.
"You… you ever wonder if Mom was… like… telling the truth back there…?" Zeimaru asked.
"Man… I don't even know anymore… I just wanna get this Minus World thing over with," Zeiko responded, lighting up a new cigarette. "Wonder what Dad was like…"
"You heard what Mom said… he was a scumbag predator who preyed on teenage girls… forget him…"
"Forget who…?"
"Dude, I don't even remember…" Zeimaru said.
The twins made it to the concert hall. It was completely empty, save for a lone giant on stage. He sat up there, tuning a giant-sized guitar. He had a bushy beard and a standard purple toupee, but his tunic was more ornate than the average giants. Next to him onstage was a Ford statue (in yet another pose), spewing smoke that slowly filled the room.
The giant looked up from his tuning and saw the twins. "What's up, tiny purple people? Name's Sarugo. I'm… kind of a big deal around here."
Zeiko blew smoke, then used her Shave technique to teleport onto the stage next to Sarugo. She fumbled a bit reaching into her breast pocket, but managed to pull out her government identification, albeit upside down.
"Name's… Zeiko. This is my brother and associate… Zeimaru. We're… crap, what're we here for again…?"
Zeimaru Shaved up to the stage and produced his government badge as well. "We're here to see… uh… Ford. Yeah, that guy. He owes a lot of berries in Heavenly Tribute. Plus, we think he might be… might be… crap…"
"Rufufu…" Sarugo chuckled. "You tiny people are really feeling the effects of the grass, eh?"
He put down his guitar and stood up, then looked down at the twins with a smile on his face. "Rufufu… you two are gonna bring the boss in? You guys are with Worldwide Smoke, yeah? Sorry, I gotta kill you. We're this close to a worldwide utopia. Can't have any snotty government agents getting in the way…"
Sarugo held up his arms, and saw blades came out of them, before they roared to life and began rotating rapidly.
"I'mma cut you two to ribbons. I ate the Saw Saw Fruit, making me a chainsaw man…"
"Chainsaw man…?" Zeiko asked. "Why does that sound familiar…?"
Sarugo brought down his arm with a lumbering chop on top of Zeiko, who simply held up her arm and coated it with her Armament Haki. Sparks began to fly.
Zeiko looked at Zeimaru and said "hey… bro… I think you should destroy that statue that's pumping out the smoke. It's gonna keep making us stupid…"
"On it…" Zeimaru responded. He pulled his leg back, then kicked with the force of a hurricane. The resulting shockwave sliced the statue clean in two. While the statue continued to billow smoke, it was much, MUCH less than before.
"Hm… hopefully that should help us sober up," Zeimaru said.
—-
Shaska and Isha headed up to the northern end of the vestibule, where they found the massive double doors. Isha looked up at Shaska, who was rubbing her wound that she sustained in her encounter with von Esens.
"Shaska… really… you shouldn't… what's the word…?" Isha asked. "Oh yeah… exert yourself too much. Your wound could open up…"
"You keep saying that, Isha… I'm one tough cookie, you know…" Shaska responded. "Oh my god, I could go for some cookies right now…"
"Same…" Isha responded as Shaska began to push on the doors with her monstrous strength.
The doors slowly creaked open, and at the end of the hall through the crack, somebody looked back, just sitting on his somebody throne. Ford was perched on his giant throne, smoking his water pipe and blowing smoke. On either side of the throne was a Ford statue, also blowing smoke.
"Ah… Shaska the… ah… Greedy…" Ford said. "Nice to finally meet… ah, you."
"Give it a rest, Ford," Shaska responded. "You know what I'm here for. Tell me where you make your grass, dammit."
Ford set down his water pipe and hopped off the throne, slowly but surely making his way over to Shaska and Isha. "Now… why would I, ah, do that…?" he asked.
"Because I'm gonna hurt you even worse if you don't," Shaska responded coldly. "I'm not a fan of drugs…"
Soon enough, Ford and Shaska were face to face. Or, they would be, if Shaska didn't completely tower over him.
"Just give it up, 'Avenger' Seven Ford, former bounty of 420,000,000 berries," Shaska said. "Minus World is going down, starting with the Mercury Collective, and moving onto you, before I finally get that… king… guy and his creepy sister."
"Oh, Rusila is pretty, ah, creepy… but no matter," Ford responded. "You'll never catch me, ah, Shaska…"
He held out his finger and pointed it like a gun at Shaska. A yellow light began to emanate from his fingertip, then it fired at Shaska like a bullet.
"Calm Shot," Ford matter-of-factly stated.
Shaska quickly became infused with an incandescent yellow glow, and she quickly fell on her butt with a smile on her face that was beyond contented.
"Whooooooa…" was all she was able to say as she laid down.
"You like that…? My, ah… Mood Mood Fruit is how I make the Happy Happy Grass," Ford casually replied.
He turned on his heel and started to leave through a door in the side of the throne room near the throne, sauntering at first, then quickly picking up the pace. "I'll leave you, ah, to it, Shaska! Enjoy!"
Isha simply stood there, stoned out of her mind by the Happy Happy Grass smoke flooding the room.
"Oh man…" she muttered. "This… this is gonna be a problem…"
TO BE CONTINUED