Hey guys! It's been awhile since I last posted but here I am. This story is inspired mostly by angst, let's face it, we needed some Donnie angst (I'll stop torturing Mikey for now). Thank you so much for reading :)! Please R&R!

*I own nothing*

TMNT

I'd never known how much my brothers meant to me, mostly because it wasn't something I'd focused on. My entire life, I expected them to be here. To stay here. To never leave and return without a body.

But looking back on it, I just didn't realize how hard it would be to say goodbye. Don't get me wrong, my entire life I've watched people die in front of me. Countless times. But it wasn't anyone I had truly loved.

And every time, the odds had worked in my favor. Every injury my brothers had acquired, I was able to fix. Every physical injury that littered their bodies would be gone in a snap with the right treatment.

I was the tech guy, the smart dude. But statistics worked in a funny way, if it was something that wasn't good, I simply didn't dwell on it for long. Because I didn't want to believe it.

I didn't want to believe that my brothers weren't invincible. That one day, all it would take was a highly engineered sword to end their turtle lives. That maybe one day, four would turn into three. Three would turn into two. Two would turn into one. And then I would be all alone.

Without my pizza-lover brother bringing me highly annoying, but simple acts of love. Or my fearless brother who pretended to act strong even when he wasn't. Maybe my hot-tempered brother who has a whole level of protectiveness that I couldn't sometimes deal with.

It was something that I would have missed greatly.

No amount of data could have brought back any of them eve I had wished upon some wish tree. Because time couldn't replace memories. Memories couldn't replace time.

Time leads to memories. And without those special memories, nothing would even seem whole again. Maybe, it's because I know that these special memories can only happen once, because every single wish that I would have wanted, is implanted in those special moments.

And when someone that I care about isn't able to give me their time, I simply decided that I wouldn't be able to feel whole again. No amount of data would have been able to prove that.

It just seems that I rely on data a lot, and I would be lying if I said that I didn't. But that's my outlet. And sometimes it would seem unhealthy if I knew when the next meteor would crash on earth, or when the next president would retaliate against its country.

So, it hurts me to think that my own "outlet" would turn against me.

Does it really think that I want to know that my brother might die? Or that he might leave us in the middle of the night? No, of course not. So why does it?

Because facts are facts

Stories are stories

Fantasies are fantasies

Dreams are dreams

Death is death

Birth is birth

Being able to not be in control of things is hard

Going out every night living it like it might be your last isn't easy

Watching your brother suffer is excruciating

Watching your brother die is a nightmare itself

It's not my decision if my brother goes, it's deaths. And sure, that makes me want to kill death itself, but I know that I have no control over that.

That scares me

That's my greatest fear

That maybe one day, four will turn into three, three will turn into two, two will turn into one. And then I'll be all alone.

All alone

I can't make this journey alone, ultimately, facts wouldn't be able to save me. The scary part is that I know that loud and clear. Yet, I still do the same things I do every day.

Because I don't want to face the fact that I might have to say goodbye one day. That maybe my brothers will crash and burn. And that's when I would have to say goodbye.

But I wouldn't

I know that the tears would've fallen, and they would be dead before I could've said my goodbyes. Because that's who I am, semimetal and sensitive. And if I could ever manage it, without a care in the world.

But yet, people say to see the positive side in all this

And to put it frankly, if one of my brothers dies, nobody's having a "positive" time. Maybe that's okey, because saying goodbye isn't easy. It's not something everyone's trained to do.

That especially goes for me

I'm going to need at least four dozen packs of tissues when my time for goodbyes comes around, maybe a bed filled with all kinds of goodies as I lay down and cry and pity myself.

Life isn't whole without its missing pieces

My family isn't whole without everyone

And just because I want my whole family to stay as one giant piece, I know that eventually, the pieces will break into smaller ones.

Then, one piece will disappear, and then another.

Until there is only one piece left.

And maybe, that one piece will search its whole life for a "filament" piece, but it wouldn't work. Because that piece is broken, unstable, and not without a care in the world.

I'm that piece

Or at least that's what I'm predicting. Because if we're putting my brothers up for any test, their the bigger pieces. Everyone wants them.

I'm just the tech guy, the science dude. Who in their right mind wants my piece?

So, I know that one day, four will turn into three, three will turn into two, two will turn into one. And then I'll be all alone.

That's my greatest fear

My weakness

My defeat

Because as Leo said, "if one of us goes down, we all go down."

But in my words, I say, "if one of us goes down, all of us goes down except for Donnie."

That's just how my luck works, and if luck has it, my luck is about to become my worst nightmare.

My greatest fear

TMNT

I don't have a lot to say but thank you so much for reading this! I thought that maybe I would give Donnie some time to have some angst, hopefully it all worked out. Thanks for reading :)! Please R&R!