The Lizard of Oz An adaption of The Wizard of Oz but with Simpsons characters and hijinks...
Plot
The chalkboard gag is "I will not push over the munchkins."
...
Kansas, an old farm in the middle of the Kansas badlands... Everything is old grey film...
"Oh by the heavenly Lord! where did the colour go?! Nicholas please colour everything in!" McGee the Christian Toon from McGee and Ne cried at the old grey film everyone was stuck in.
Nicholas winced at his sketch pad.
Lisa was Dorothy. Yeah she gets to be the main character...
"Yippee!" Lisa as Dorothy cheered.
She hung around Aunty Em and Uncle's farm. Which is perpetually in old grey, sepia film...
McGee wept. "No one can see that i'm blond!"
"It's an art form, like Sin City..." said Bart as a ranch hand.
"Sin City?! That must be a horrible place!" McGee gasped.
Bart sighed and got back to feeding Spider Pig.
Spider Pig oinked.
In the film Dorothy has a little black dog. Here Lisa has a cat. Snowball II.
Snowball mewed trotting up to Lisa.
"Oh Snowball what did Mrs Skinner do to you?!" said Lisa as Dorothy.
Homer was fixing the incubator while Marge was counting the chicks.
"Homer we need that incubator working or the eggs won't hatch!" said Marge.
Homer groaned turning a nut with a monkey wrench.
"One, Two, Three..." Marge counted the baby chicks.
(Chicks cheeping)
"Aunty Em! Aunty Em!" Dorothy whined.
"Not now Dorothy!" said Marge as Aunty Em.
"But Mrs Skinner!" Dorothy whined.
"Not now Dorothy!" said Aunty Em.
Lisa as Dorothy sighed.
She left them to work ie fixing the incubator and counting the chicks.
Shortly after she left Oscar arrived as Professor Marvel.
"I have a wonderful new miracle cure that actually doesn't work! Because I am an annoying charlatan selling people useless crap!" said Oscar.
"Well be useful in your life then! Stupid kid..." said Homer fixing the incubator.
"I also sell Marvel comics..." said Oscar as Professor Marvel.
Marge sighed.
Oscar saw the baby chicks chirping. He got weird again...
"Oh no..." said Marge.
"Haaaaaaaauuuuuwww! Chicky chickies!" He squealed at the baby chicks.
...
The farm hands are working Hugo and Milhouse are fixing a wagon.
McGee is still crying about everything being stuck in old grey film.
"I once ate a pebble!" said Ralph as a farm worker.
Lisa as Dorothy bothered them by going on and on about her cat Snowball II and Mrs Skinner hitting her.
"Just because she has that nasty dog! Oh and her grown up son still lives with her..." said Lisa.
At Mrs Skinner's house.
"Seymour! Fluff up my pillow!" Agnes yelled.
"Yes mother..." said Seymour Skinner.
At the farm.
Dorothy was going on and on about today's incident with Mes Skinner...
"Look Dorothy. I am very busy fixing this wagon!' Hugo yelled.
"Yeah we kinda will get in trouble if we're not working..." said Milhouse.
Lisa as Dorothy sighed and left to bother someone else...
"Ow! You got my finger!" Milhouse whined as Hugo hammered his finger.
"Then why was your finger there?!" Hugo sighed.
Lisa as Dorothy then whined to Bart, who was feeding the pigs, about Snowball II.
"And then she hit poor Snowball!"
Snowball II mewed.
Bart sighed.
"Look Toots, I have ti feed these swine..." said Bart.
The pigs oink and grunt as they eat their food.
Lisa sighed.
Then she climbed on the fence surrounding the pigsty.
"Uh you should really get down from there..." said Bart.
"Look! I'm making a spectacle of myself!" Lisa as Dorothy yelled.
She fell in the muddy sty.
"Aaaaaaaagh! Help! Help!"
Bart sighed.
He helped her out.
Oscar as Professor Marvel was singing newly released songs.
(singing Crank that Souja Boy)
Bart winced exasperated.
...
Aunty Em came out from the incubator shed to find the farm hands distracted by Dorothy.
"You lot are supposed to be working!" she nagged.
"We are! But Dorothy keeps distracting us!" said Hugo.
"Dorothy stop bothering them!" said Aunty Em.
"But Aunty Em! Mrs Skinner is gonna call the sheriff!" Dorothy whined.
Aunty Em sighed.
"She shouldn't go by Mrs Skinner's place, then her cat wouldn't go in there..." said Hugo.
"She should spit in Mrs Skinner's eye..." said Milhouse.
Hugo winced at him. "How will that help the situation?!"
"I uh don't like Mrs Skinner either..." said Milhouse.
"Well she is rather crabby..." said Hugo.
Ralph boasted one day a statue in his likeness would be built.
"And would depict me, picking my nose!" said Ralph picking his nose...
"Eeeeugh..." Bart groaned.
"Ralph get back to work..." said Auntie Em.
Ralph got back to whatever it is he is supposed to be doing.
"Ow my finger!" Milhouse whined.
Hugo sighed.
"Now you hogs get in there or ill turn you all into piggy banks!" said Bart to the pigs.
"Or bacon sandwiches..." Oscar drooled.
Bart winced.
Wilbur from Charlotte's Web cried.
"I am not food! I want to live!" said Wilbur crying.
Soon the incubator was working again. The light came on and it hummed.
"Oh good the chicks have somewhere nice and warm to sleep." said Marge as Aunty Em as she put the chicks in the incubator.
"Haaaaaauuuuuww!" Oscar as Professor Marvel squealed petting a chick.
Aunty Em sighed.
Then they all had crullers. A type of donut.
"Yaaaay! Someone's making donuts!" Almighty Tallest Purple cheered.
Almighty Tallest Red cheered and whooped too.
Bart winced exasperated.
...
The all had crullers.
"Mmmmmm... crullers..." said Homer eating one.
Lisa as Dorothy started singing, because the film is a musical...
She sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
Bart dry retched at her girly singing.
"The only thing over the rainbow is a pot of leprechaun gold. Or Care-a-lot..." said Oscar as Professor Marvel.
Bart winced at him.
Dorothy was still singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
Elsewhere Judy Garland was whacked out on narcotic drugs...
Bart gawked concerned. "Is that important to the story..."
"Yea..." said Oscar.
And that ends the first act.
We cut back to farm. Drama and angst enter the story as the main villain Mrs Skinner as Mrs Gulch arrives on her bike.
(The Wicked Witch tune)
"Oh no! Mrs Skinner!" Dorothy whined.
"Mr. Gale." said Mrs Skinner.
"Howdy, Miss Skinner." said Homer.
"It's Mrs Skinner, you oaf! I'm a widow!" Agnes yelled.
"D'on!" said Homer.
"So what happened?" Homer asked.
"Her cat scratched my leg so now I am lame!" said Mrs Skinner.
Bart laughed. "Yes you are lame! Nahahaha!"
"Bart that means crippled, unable to walk..." Lisa as Dorothy sighed.
"Shut ya trap!" Mrs Skinner yelled at Bart.
Bart seethed.
"So let me get this right... Dorothy bit you..." said Homer.
"Uh no..." said Mrs Skinner.
"Oh! She bit her dog!" said Homer.
Agnes was exasperated. "No!"
"You kicked, my dog!" said a Middle Eastern guy.
Bart winced.
...
The debate continues.
Mrs Skinner is angry. "That cat's a menace to the community."
"Dennis is a menace to the community..." Oscar as Professor Marvel laughing.
Bart glared at him.
"I am taking her to the sheriff to be destroyed!" said Agnes.
"Nooooooo!" Dirothy sobbed.
Agnes did not care.
"Look she's crying!" Oscar yelled.
"Shut ya trap!" Agnes snapped.
Oscar seethed. "DO NOT EVER TALK TO ME THAT WAY! I will promise I will drop a house on you, you old hag!"
"Oz that doesn't happen yet..." said Bart.
"And Professor you're not in the film yet..." said Hugo...
Oscsr frowned.
"Please Aunty Em! Don't let her take my kitty!" Dorothy sobbed.
"Is there any other way?" Homer asked.
"I will bring a law suit against your farm!" Mrs Skinner yelled.
Homer yelped.
"A suit and tie?!" Oscar as Professor Marvel asked.
Bart face palmed.
"No a law suit..." said Mrs Skinner.
Homer shrugged. "I'm sorry Dorothy but I can't fight the law..."
Dorothy sobbed.
"Let me drop a house on her!" Oscar yelled.
Bart sighed.
"Look you're upsetting Dorothy! Your legal threats don't scare us!" said Marge.
Dorothy sniffled.
"They scare me, Em!" Homer whined.
Agnes seethed. "You haven't seen the last of me!"
She stormed off.
Marge as Auntie Em comforted Dorothy.
...
We cut to Springfield in the present, and then to the interior of the Simpsons house. the door rings. Hugo answers.
"Salutations Hugo." said Martin.
"Ah Martin, How delightful to have you stumble upon our unostentatious abode." said Hugo talking with extremely purple dialogue. He spoke in a pompous manner.
Bart winced at his twin.
Elsewhere Homer was aspiring to be like Thomas Edison again.
Marge sighed frustrated.
Oscar was guffawing because he shoved two pencils up Teddy, his living teddy bear's big, round, wet shiny, black nose.
"Oscar, It occurs to me that your rather abderian persona is acerbating my already volcanic constitution!" Hugo seethed.
"Hugh seriously! Enough of the dork speak!" Bart whined.
Plot 2
Lisa as Dorothy and Snowball II then went out for a walk later that day.
Snowball II mewed.
"Oh I hope we see the last of that wicked old witch..." said Lisa as Dorothy.
Suddenly a caravan rolls up. It belongs based on the text painted on the side, Professor Marvel, fortune teller and purveyor of concoctions. ie useless miracle cures.
Oscar as Professor Marvel was sleeping.
Lisa as Dorothy cleared her throat. "Ahem."
"Ballae nic doo dallae!" Professor Marvel squawked as he was suddenly awoken.
"No Oz... The Professor does not speak gibberish..." Lisa groaned, breaking character.
"O vwa vwaf sna glah glah!" Oscar as Professor Marvel babbled nonsense.
Lisa sighed. "Are we seriously doing this?!"
"GURLAFERGLEK!" Oscar shouted.
"You don't have to yell!" Lisa yelled back.
"Kalhoohoo... Gazoo-zeezee?" Oscar asked.
"Oz seriously! knock it off with the gibberish crap!" Bart yelled.
Oscar sulked.
"I am supposed to be pouring my heart out to you about how a mean old hag calked Mrs Skinner is accusing my cat of scratching her and calling for her to be put down... this is a serious scene Professor..." Dorothy sighed.
Oscar honked an old car horn and smirked.
Lisa seethed.
"Let me guess... You're running away..." said Oscar as the Professor.
"How did you guess?" asked Dorothy.
"My dear, Professor Marvel never guesses, he knows..." said Professor Marvel grinning.
Dorothy was impressed.
"Zip zop zoopity bop!" Oscar yelled in gibberish.
"Never mind..." Lisa as Dorothy sighed.
"Kalalalalaaaa..." Oscar wagged his tongue about in a crazed state.
Lisa face palmed.
Oscar cawed like a crow.
"Will you just act normal?!" Lisa yelled.
Oscar glared at her.
"Sorry..." Lisa gulped realising she had offended him.
...
Springfield, modern times.
Vector, the Thomas the tank engine obsessed first grader is now Billy, and he hails from New York.
Ralph Wiggum gave him a cautious and sharp look. Ralph preferred watching Barney the Dinosaur.
"Or so they say in the vernacular of the peasantry." said Hugo.
Bart groaned hearing his pompous manner of speaking again.
Vector/Billy was playing with his Thomas the train toys and coming up with a godforsaken crissover with Transformers for some reason.
(Making raspberry sounds with his lips and train noises.)
Bart winced.
Kansas, Long, long ago.
"Kallae kistnae..." Oscar as Professor Marvel rasped as he roasted a hot dog.
Lisa as Dorothy winced at his strange habit of roasting hotdogs.
"I an do an impression of a hot dog." said Robin Williams. He stood there in a stiff pose.
"Okay..." said Lisa as Dorothy.
Oscar as Professor Marvel was then looking into his crystal ball.
"What do you see?" Lisa/Dorothy asked.
"An Oscar Meyer wiener commercial." said Professor Marvel.
Lisa winced.
"I hate seeing into the future..." said Oscar as Professor Marvel.
"Why?"
"Because I can't change it... I know I'm gonna die during the filming of Annie, Get Your Gun. I was gonna play the role of the deranged serial killer Buffalo Bill. It puts the lotion on its skin..." said Oscar.
Dorothy face palmed. Totally different Buffalo Bill, Professor..."
Snowball II stole a cooked hotdog and ate it.
Dorothy gasped. "No Snowball II! We mustn't steal food!"
"Oh it's quite alright. I have a fondness for animals too." said the Professor.
Lisa as Dorothy smiled.
Suddenly the horses panic as animals can sense extreme weather.
Oscar goes out side, He sees a tornado arriving.
"You best get back home immediately! A storm is coming!" said Oscar.
Lisa as Dorothy headed off home with Snowball II.
The ominous tornado spun about.
Homer laughed. "Look! It got Patty and Selma!"
Patty and Selma in rocking chairs were in the tornado smoking.
"Meh..." said Patty.
...
Dorothy was too late as her family locked themselves in the cellar.
"Let me in! Let me in!" Dorothy cried.
But the noisy wind muffled anything she cried out. Dorothy went indoors and upstairs to the bedroom. Then something heavy flew at her and knocked her unconscious.
Dorothy dreamt the tornado had picked up the house and it was inside the twister.
She saw Hickory and Zeke in a boat sailing.
She saw Aunty Em in a rocking chair waving at her.
She even saw horrid Mrs Skinner riding her bike. Then she turned into a witch riding a broom.
Then the cameos...
Alf the alien was in the tornado. Snowball II hissed alarmed. Because Alf eats cats...
Next Dorothy saw Gilligan of Gilligan's Island in a small rowing boat with the robot from Lost in Space.
Dorothy rolled her eyes.
Then she saw the witch from Bewitched. She twitched her nose.
Meanwhile Professor Marvel was calming his horses.
They were panicking because of the tornado.
"Hang on, guys, it might just be the Tasmanian Devil." said Oscar as the Professor.
Teddy winced.
Eventually Dorothy's house landed somewhere...
Dorothy woke up to her cat batting her with her paw.
Dorothy decides to look outside.
She finds herself in a colourful world.
"Finally! The Lord's colours have returned!" McGee cried.
Dirothy winced.
Oscar was there for a brief cameo. "Aaaaagh! My eyes! It's too bright! It burns! It buuuuuurns!"
Dorothy sighed.
"Snowball II, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore..." said Dorothy.
Oscar got out a drum set and tapped tapped the cymbals with the drumsticks for a punchline gag.
The audience jeers.
Dorothy sighed.
...
Dorothy looked about the strange colourful world.
Shy creatures were spying on her but hid when she heard them.
Suddenly a big pink bubble arrived. It grew larger and larger... Then it vanished leaving behind a beautiful and sweet natured fairy sorcerer. Who strangely looked like Grandma Mona.
"Who are you?" Dorothy asked.
"My dear, I am Glinda, the good witch of the North." said Glinda.
"A witch?! I don't mean any offence but I always thought witches were old and ugly..." said Dorothy.
Glinda giggled. "No offence taken child. And only bad witches are ugly... Nice witches as myself are beautiful..."
Dorothy was relieved the witch was kind.
"Where am I?" Dorothy asked.
"Why this is the Land of Oz, dear." said Glinda. "And this particular town is Munchkin town, home of the Munchkins."
The town was deserted.
"They're rather shy you see as an evil witch was terrorising them. until your house fell on her and crushed her..." said Glinda.
Legs were sticking out from under Dorothy's house.
"Oh my!" said Dorothy. "Is she..."
"Oh yes she's certainly dead, dear. But she was evil so she deserved it." said Glinda.
The legs wore black and white striped tights and upon the feet, ruby slippers.
"It's quite alright little Munchkins! The horrid witch is gone! you can come out now!" said Glinda.
She sang Come out, come out whereever you are.
Lisa rolled her eyes. Look Toots there's a lot of singing in the film...
The Munchkins cautiously arrive singing. They are all portrayed by the kids of Springfield. Ie Bart, Milhouse, Lewis, Richard etc.
There were also dwarf actors like Gary Coleman...
Munchkin Bart, Milhouse and Wendell greeted Dorothy.
"We are the Lollipop Guild." said Bart.
"Okay..." said Dorothy.
They sang the lame Lollipop Guild song..
McGee winced.
"We Welcome you to munchkin land!" sang the Lollipop Guild.
They gave Dorothy a huge lollipop.
"Uh thanks..." said Dorothy.
...
The Munchkins welcomed Dorothy warmly to their um cute little town.
Then various cartoon cameos... because everyone insists on making an Oz parody episode...
Kermit the frog arrived. he gawked at the strange, colourful land.
Then Earthworm Jim and Peter Puppy.
"Uh Jim..." said Peter Puppy.
"Hush Fuzz Buddy, I fear we're in a strange new land..." said Earthworm Jim.
Lisa winced.
The Dino Babies were there. The called it the Land of Ahhhhs. Uh okay...
McGee stood there baffled by the place, despite thst he would look quite at home in a cartoon adaptation of Oz... Well after we confiscate his bible of course...
And Oscar arrived, as himself.
The Lollipop Guild gave him a big lollipop.
There was rejoicing and annoying singing...
"Lalala la la lalala!" The Munchkins sang.
"Ugh..." Oscar groaned.
"I agree buddy, This is an accursed land..." said Earthworm Jim.
Oscar winced.
The Lullaby league sang.
Earthworm Jim was horrified.
Later...
Dorothy soon got used to the little singing people.
Oscar with his huge lollipop was now Baby Oscar, clad in only a diaper.
"Oh great he's a baby again..." Lisa as Dorothy sighed.
Baby Oscar licked his lollipop. Then his living teddy bear creature Teddy, well he started sniffing his diaper with his big, wet, shiny, round black nose.
Oscar sweated and winced.
Glinda told the munchkins Dorothy was their saviour.
"Then let's celebrate!" said a munchkim.
"You'll be history, you'll be history!" Another cheered.
Dorothy blushed modest.
"Uh a little help here..." Baby Oscar whined as Teddy was still sniffing his diaper.
"Candied yams!" Teddy yelled with joy.
Oscar winced. "Okay... why did you just yell that..."
"I dunno..." Teddy grinned baring his huge buck teeth.
Oscar sighed.
...
Kansas, the cellar of the Gale's.
"I'm worried about poor Dorothy." said Aunty Em.
Homer as Uncle Henry was trying to solve a Rubix Cube. He growled frustrated.
Bart sighed.
Plot 3
Munchkin town.
The town theme from Harvest Moon on the SNES played across the town.
Dorothy was still being treated like a hero by the grateful Munchkins.
"Three cheers for Dorothy! Hip hip hip! Hooray!"
Oh and Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear was still sniffing Oscar's diaper.
Oscar sweated and blushed.
"Okay I think we need to move on with the story..." said Dorothy.
"Ask the purple sea pickles!" Oscar yelled.
Lisa as Dorothy winced.
"I agree, tell the story." said a Munchkin man in red with a silly husky voice.
Oscar laughed.
The Munchkin sighed.
They began to sing again...
"The house began to pitch. The kitchen took a slitch..."
"Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!" Oscar cursed.
The Munchkins gasped horrified.
"Aw come on... that song was asking for someone to accidentally curse..." said Oscar.
Oscar and Teddy were kicked out of Munchkin town.
Teddy sighed annoyed. "They probably had pie..."
"Ted knock it off with the pie..." Oscar groaned.
They headed off down the yellow brick road.
"Why not the yellow cheese road?!" Oscar groaned.
Teddy sighed exasperated.
In town the Munchkins and Dorothy sang a song with words rhyming with pitch.
"Well this is a pleasant and friendly place Snowball II." Lisa as Dorothy said to her cat.
"I like grapes." said Ralph as a munchkin randomly.
Lisa grimaced.
...
"So um Glinda, how do I get home?" Lisa as Dorothy asked.
"All in good time dear, all in good time..." said Glinda.
Lisa sighed.
Oscar and Teddy were travelling about Oz.
"How about we stop off at the land of trolls." asked Teddy.
"Nah, They're not toilet trained..." said Oscar.
"Ugh..." Teddy groaned.
"And unlike the dolls they don't have awesome wacky hair dos..." said Oscar addressing his wacky hair style.
"Yeah you're probably infested with lice..." said Teddy.
Oscar pouted annoyed.
"How about we give Scarecrow a gun?" Oscar suggested.
"Uh... no..." said Teddy thinking that was a bad idea.
In town McGee got on the wrong side of Glinda.
"My marigolds! You're stepping on them!" Glinda yelled.
"Oops!" McGee gulped.
"Miss Glin-" Lisa as Dorothy asked.
"More singing!" said Glinda.
Lisa mouthed no but the Munchkins sang again...
(singing)
Lisa sighed.
On the road.
Oscar was ruffling his fingers furiously through his hair irritated by an itch.
"Told ya, lice..." said Teddy.
"Shut up!" Oscar snapped as he scratched his scalp.
Dorothy caught up with them. "Okay you can come back to town if you'll just stop their obnoxious singing!" Lisa as Dorothy cried.
Oscar smirked agreeing to help.
...
Munchkin town.
"Why is he back..." said Munchkin Milhouse.
To move the story along as you keep driving everyone crazy with the singing..." said Oscar.
The Munchkins sing I've been working on the railroad.
Suddenly a burst of red smoke startled everyone.
The munchkins scream and hide.
A hag coughs and spluttered.
"Blasted director! My green make up is on fire!" said a wicked witch wearing black on fire.
Stage hands put her out with fire extinguishers.
"Ah that's better. Everyone cower in fear! Gahahahaha!" said a witch. She resembled Agnes Skinner.
"The wicked witch of the west." Glinda guarded Dorothy.
"But..." said Lisa.
"Your house fell on her sister, the Wicked Witch of the East..." said Glinda.
"How many witches are there?!" Lisa whined.
"Shut your trap missy!" The wicked witch yelled.
She gasped seeing her sister's remains.
"My dear sister!" the witch gasped. "Sure we bickered over her things, but my dear sister!"
Dorothy stammered.
"You killed her!" The wicked witch yelled.
"No it was an accident!" said Dorothy.
"Well I can make accidents happen to my pretty..." said the evil witch.
"Me too!" Oscar smirked.
"Oz do not mess your self right now..." Teddy groaned.
"Shut yer traps!" said the evil witch.
She stalked about Dorothy, menacing her.
"I'm warning you missy, Do not mess with me, the Wicked Witch of the west!" said the witch.
"Back off!" Glinda caressed Dorothy in a motherly and protective hug.
"Glinda?! Well what a surprise!" said the evil witch. "You dare oppose me?!"
...