Husbands and Knives Bart and friends are fed up with how rude and mean Comic Book Guy is so he goads them into finding another comic book store. Unfortunately for him a new one has just opened across the street, called Coolsville and it is run by a hip young owner who is very kind and pleasant to everyone. Comic Book Guy will not stand for this.
Plot
The chalkboard gag is "The pilgrims were not illegal aliens." Lisa is doing the hundred lines with Bart.
"Yes they are!" said Lisa.
"Oh quiet Lisa! So you're suggesting we all emigrate back to Europe and give the Indians back their land..." said Skinner scolding her.
"They're Native Americans! And yes!" Lisa yelled.
Everyone left America.
Two Natives are alone somewhere in America.
"What do we do now Chief?" A native asked.
"I dunno..." said the chief.
"I miss their technology..." said a native.
The couch gag is a pop up book. Homer is on fire in the pop up book.
"Daddy's on fire, daddy's not on fire." Bart plays with Maggie with the pop up book.
Maggie squeals and giggles.
...
The episode starts at Androids Dungeon comic store.
Bart is going through comics to buy.
"Lame. Lame. Lame. Have it already. Lame. Lame. Superman dies. Aqua man dies. Casper dies, somehow despite already being a ghost... Caveman Robin, Black Robin, Born again Robin..." Bart can't find a comic he wants. "Ah Ha! That infamous Wolverine comic with pop out claws!"
Bart takes out a Wolverine comic.
"Why was it so controversial again?" Milhouse asked opening the comic. Wolverine inside the comic sliced his cheek with his claws leaving bleeding cuts.
"Ow!" Milhouse cried. Then he literally started crying.
"Awwww... Milhouse!" Bart was concerned his friend got hurt and hugged him.
Milhouse's tears fell on a Wolverine comic smudging the ink on Wolverine's sideburns.
"Nice going, Dr. Boo-Hoo! Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns! Therefore you must now buy this comic! And the cost of your innocent accident is... twenty five dollars..." said Comic Book Guy.
"But that's the money Nana Sophia gave me at Greek Orthodox Easter!" said Milhouse, handing over twenty five dollars.
"When did that happen?!" Bart asked confused.
"Oh I wish they wouldn't talk about their private lives..." Comic Book Guy sighed as he put Milhouse's money in the till.
"Kallae Kistnae..." Oscar rasped while putting a comic book back in the wrong box.
"That does not go there you simpleton! That is Marvel!" Comic Book Guy yelled.
"You should stop being so mean to us kids!" Bart reprimanded him.
"Well, maybe you should go and find another store to buy comics in then!" Comic book Guy retorted. "Maybe they sell comics at the dry cleaners... Nope! Maybe they sell comics at the mattress store! Or that new comic book store that has just appeared across the street! By Phillip K Dick! It's as if Superman has moved into Gotham City!"
There was a new comic book store called Coolsville across the street.
"Which he did in World's Finest Comics Issue 94!" said Martin being a geek.
"Yes, but that was a dream thought up by Jimmy Olsen after getting kicked in the head by SuperGirl's horse Comet. It never really happened!" said Comic Book Guy.
"None of this stuff really happened..." said Bart.
"Get out of my store!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Gladly!" Bart responded.
...
All the kids ran out of Androids Dungeon and went to the new store, Coolsville.
A hip young man in a pork pie hat and glasses greeted them.
"Hey word up guys! How's it g-going!" said the hip young owner of the new comic book store. "Welcome to my grand opening! My name's Milo!" He high fives everyone. "Now before I let you all in, how about a free piece of hard Japanese candy each?" He gave them boiled sweets with unusual flavors.
"I got shrimp!" said Nelson.
"I'm allergic to shrimp." said Bart.
"I got fish!" Hugo cried out.
"I got miso!" said Bart.
"I got dolphin..." Lisa said disappointed, because she's vegetarian. Uh I think it's just artificially dolphin flavored... E numbers and that...
"I got tofu, wanna trade?" Oscar asked her.
Lisa was happy too but confused. "Thanks. But you'd eat dolphas?!"
"Why not? I love dolphas!" Oscar squealed slightly as he said dolpha.
"Lis, don't encourage him..." Bart sighed.
"I like her encouraging me..." said Oscar. "Dolpha! Dolpha!"
"Oz you cried when Akira admitted he eats dolphin." said Hugo.
"Oh yeah..." said Oscar.
"I hope you all like Korean covers of Tom Jones songs because that's what's gonna be blasting!" said Milo. He let them in as Tom Jones's What's new pussy cat is sung in Korean.
There is a montage as Milo sings along and dances. He gives some comics to Lewis and Richard.
Comic Book Guy stood glaring at the window so Milo put a cardboard cutout of Jabba the Hutt in front of him.
"Gahahahaha! Jabba..." Oscar laughed.
Lisa was reading french comics and finally Bart was giving Oscar the Heimlich manoeuvre (abdominal thrusts) because he was choking on his boiled sweet.
"Asterix and Tintin comics! I thought they only had these in high school French lessons and libraries." said Lisa. She imagined a bizarre story where Tintin and Snowy are investigating an old chapel that turns out to be a four stage rocket. They then crash into Atlantis.
However Lisa accidentally ripped a page. "Oh no! I ripped a page!" she was worried.
Oscar gasped.
"That's okay, little girl. Comics are to be read and enjoyed. Not hoarded away by bizarre lonely obsessed nerds!" said Milo.
Lisa was relieved.
"Oooooh! French and Belgian comics!" said Oscar picking up and reading one. "Hehehe! Marsupilami... that jaguar won't leave you alone will he..." Oscar giggled reading a Marsupilami comic.
...
Bart however was not impressed with the new comic book store just yet.
"Okay I get it! You're cool... You're nice... you're not mainstream... you wear a pork pie hat..." said Bart to Milo.
"Mmmmmm! Pork pie hat..." said Homer at work.
"Did Dad just do a Family Guy cutaway?!" Bart gasped. "Anyway... but how's your comic book knowledge?"
"I'm all about capes! Flame on!" said Milo accepting any question about comics.
"No capes!" Edna Mode snapped.
Bart winced.
"Flame on!" yelled the Human Torch, igniting himself. "Oops..." He set fire to a comic book stand.
"Oz no!" Bart whined at Oscar for making silly references.
Oscar chuckled.
Bart pondered a question to test Milo. "Who is stronger? The Mulk or the Thung? And show your work!" said Bart.
"Woo! Head rush!" Milo thought hard. "Well the Mulk kicked a tidal wave into the sun. But the Thung carried an entire football team on his back. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" Bart asked.
"Does Galactus eat planets? Sure! I value your opinion!" said Milo.
"Wow! It's just I've had such a bad relationship with my last comic book store owner." said Bart.
"Also I don't mind you eating in here. Even if it's fish heads or Klantooine Paddy Frogs..." Milo sighed.
Jabba the Hutt was eating Paddy frogs.
"Hohohohoh! Yummy yummy..." said Jabba.
Hugo winced at him while eating some fish heads from a bucket.
In canon after this scene Marge was outside with Maggie. Comparing herself with Wonder Woman...
Uh your body size is more Olive Oyl...
"(Popeye chuckle) Me Marge is comparing her figure... Well that's a kicker. Geheheheheh!" said Homer acting like Popeye again after that time he broke his jaw.
That annoying stupid donkey was there too. Democrats...
"Oz why are you Republican..." Lisa sighed.
"I'm not... Republicans are fascist and that donkey from the time Homer broke his jaw was stupid and annoying..." said Oscar.
...
At dinner the kids would not stop talking about Milo and his new comic book store.
"And he is so chilled! If you accidentally spill your soda on a comic he doesn't freak out at you and shout in your face!" said Bart.
"And he has girl comics!" said Lisa.
Hugo growled and jabbered in a beastly manner from his psychosis.
"Okay I get it! Now eat your dinners! They're getting cold!" said Marge.
The kids eat.
Homer started a conversation. "So I says to Lenny..." but something tips over a bin outside. "Oh crap!" Homer groaned. He got up cocking a shotgun and went outside.
There was a hobo going through the bins. "Get outta here!" Homer shot in the air and scared the hobo away. He then went back inside and returned to his seat. "Now what was I saying?"
"Something about Lenny." said Bart.
"Oh yeah..." said Homer continuing his story.
Elsewhere in comic book land.
Superman and Aquaman had died. Essentially dooming Metropolis and all of the oceans. Particularly Metropolis because of how lethal Superman's enemies are! Ie Mr Mxyzptlk and Darkseid!
At least Aqualad can take over protecting the oceans. Or Bart as Sharkboy.
Bart winced at the fourth wall.
Casper also somehow died again despite being a ghost...
"I know it's stupid..." said Bart as Homer went on and on about Lenny.
"And then Lenny got pudding in his eye..."
Then in Prehistoric times where one day Gotham City will be built.
"Ug Ugga ug!" Grunted Caveman Robin.
"That's an offensive stereotype..." said Captain Caveman. Flint the Time Detective frowned and nodded.
Anyway so Metropolis was utterly screwed because Superman died.
Lex Luthor, Metallo, Darkseid and Doomsday destroyed everything! The end!
"Yeah that's a real damper.." Bart sighed while eating his dinner.
Hugo chewed his fish head he was eating why Homer was starting to bore everyone over Lenny.
"You're boring everyone! Quit boring everyone!" Oscar yelled.
...
One morning afterwards Marge dropped the kids off at Coolsville. "Bye Bart. Enjoy your funny books!" said Marge as Bart, Lisa, and Oscar went in the comic book store. Hugo not interested in lowbrow media like comics stayed with Mom as she was stopping by a book store during her shopping trip.
However Marge compared her Olive Oyl body frame to the unrealistically skinny Wonder Woman and kick started a sub plot about owning a woman's gym for women by women.
And Jimbo and Dolph made fun of Kearney's mom for being fat and depressed.
"She can't because she's depressed!" Bart heard Dolph laughing at Kearney.
To Lisa's joy there was a convention on with alternative comic book writers signing autographs. (Basically freelancers that don't work for either of the two powerhouses, DC or Marvel)
"Wow! Look at all these alternative comic writers! Alan Moore, Art Spiegleman? Oh! Dan Clowes..." Lisa sighed. Once it was her turn at Dan Clowes's table she spoke to him about his comic Ghost World. "I really identified with the girls in Ghost World! They made me not feel so alone!"
"Eeeeeeeew! Lis I really don't think you should be identifying with the girls from Ghost World! Now I'm imagining you in that creepy filthy bathroom scene with Mr Burns, or Krusty, or the Scottish gardener..." said a brony wearing a Pinkie Pie T shirt.
"You mean Groundskeeper Willie..." said Oscar.
"Yeah..." said the brony who liked Pinkie Pie.
"Yeah yeah..." Dan Clowes didn't seem so interested in his own comics. "Do you know anyone that works on Batman? Because I really want to draw Batman! I'm awesome at utility belts! Here's where he keeps his pocket change! In case he has to take a bus!" Dan had a diagram on utility belts.
"Uh Mr Clowes... Batman has a nuclear car... the Batmobile..." said Oscar.
Dan Clowes furiously screwed up his utility belt diagram.
Meanwhile Bart was pestering Alan Moore, who made Watchmen. "Wow! Alan Moore! You wrote and illustrated my favourite issues of Radioactive Man!"
"Oh. So you like that I depicted your little childhood superhero as a heroin addict jazz critic who's not radioactive..." said Alan Moore slightly annoyed.
"Oh I don't read the words. I just like it when he punches bad guys! How do you get his costume to stick so tightly to his chest that you can see his nipples?" Bart asked.
Alan Moore groaned frustrated holding his head as Bart left with his autograph. Milhouse was up next.
"Can you sign my DVD of Watchmen Babies? Which baby is your favourite?" Milhouse asked. Apparently they made a spin off where Dr Manhattan and the others are babies...
Alan Moore snapped. "Ya see?! This is what those bloody corporations do to ya! They suck and suck ya dry like leeches! Leeches! The lot of them!"
"Okay Alan! Chill out!" said Art Spiegleman.
"Oh okay..." Alan Moore sat down to read a Little Lulu comic while singing about Little Lulu.
Ralph for some odd reason liked Art Spiegleman's Maus comics.
"So little boy... you like comics about Nazi mice..." said Art Spiegleman.
"I like miceys! Which one is Mickey?" said Ralph happily.
Art Spiegleman slammed his face on the table annoyed by Ralph's stupidity.
Oscar winced at Ralph.
Plot 2
Suddenly Comic book Guy came in. "Attention comic book aficionados! This man is not one of us!" he points to Milo. "He has a girlfriend!" Comic book Guy points out a lady with glasses amongst the girls.
"My name is Strawberry and my bag is also a lunchbox." said Strawberry.
"Mmmmm... strawberries..." said Oscar hungry.
"Oz you acted like that when I was watching Strawberry Shortcake..." Lisa sighed.
"Mmmmm... strawberry shortcake..." Oscar drooled thinking of puddings.
Lisa sighed.
"Now my little wayward fanboys... I bring great news! My store now sells ninja weapons!" said Comic Book Guy revealing in his coat he has oriental weapons like nunchucks etc.
"You'd sell weapons of the orient to children?! That's weak man..." said Milo.
"Yeah... face it! Milo is the comic book store owner our town deserves..." said Bart.
"I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss Comic book Guy Bart! Cooooool! Throwing stars!" said Stan as the four South Park boys gathered round Comic book Guy.
"Well of course you'd like deadly martial arts weapons... you threw a shuriken in Butter's eye!" said Bart.
"I can't see out of my left eye no more fellas.." said Butters with a gauze taped over one of his eyes.
"Shut up Butters!" Cartman yelled.
"Yes we know you were doing an anime episode guys..." said Bart.
"And now to do something drastic! Hiyaaaah!" Comic book Guy took out a katana and smashed up the store.
"He's wrecking everything!" said Art Spiegelman.
"League of Extraordinary Freelancers activate!" said Alan Moore. They ripped off their shirts showing off their muscular chests.
Oscar had a perverted nosebleed and fainted.
"The Mouse is in the house!" said Art Spiegelman. He wore a mouse mask.
Alan, Art and Dan whaled on Comic Book Guy. They beat him soundly and threw him into a crate of used Jughead crowns from Archie Comics.
Archie appeared.
"Dah... Stay out of Riverdale..." he told off Comic Book Guy and left.
Bart sweat dropped.
Oscar laughed.
...
Comic Book Guy was in his shop sobbing loudly and talking to his action figures as he packed up and closed his store forever...
"Oh Jar Jar..." he said to his Jar Jar Binks doll.
"Meesa very annoying!" said Jar Jar.
Meanwhile at the Simpsons Bart and Lisa were watching Itchy and Scratchy. Skinless in Seattle. Again...
Itchy lured Scratchy to the Seattle needle to kill him. Scratchy was there awaiting his date.
First he, that's Itchy, tried dropping a coin from the tower on him. Lincoln on the coin screamed as the coin reached super sonic speed.
That didn't work though as it missed Scratchy.
Then Itchy bought loads of miniature needle towers and threw them down at Scratchy. They formed a heart shape. This annoyed Itchy. He then saws the top off of the tower. It stabbed Scratchy in the eye. He ran around screaming.
Bart and Lisa laughed.
"I can't shake the feeling this new comic book store is too good to be true..." said Oscar.
"That's because it's a miracle! No more 'get your grubby hands off of those comics please!' No more 'if you spill your soda on that you're paying for it!'" Bart explained.
"I just find it suspicious that's all!" said Oscar. "Can't a comic nerd be obsessed over his collection?! Milo's like a Mary poppins... practically perfect in every way... he must have some vices..."
During free time at Coolsville all the kids read comics, Nelson for some reason was force feeding Bart shrimp flavoured Japanese hard candy to get him to have an allergic reaction...
"Nelson don't do that!" Lisa nagged him.
Oscar was reading Marsupilami comics. Milo was hanging out with him.
"Did ya see the tv adaptation of The son of Marsupilami/ La Fils de Marsupilami?" Oscar asked.
"Only in French." said Milo. "Luckily I'm fluent in five different languages."
Oscar eyed him.
"Including Klingon." said Milo.
"Don't do that... that's so cliched..." said Oscar groaning.
"Hmmm..." Oscar was studying him for cues. Was he someone in disguise as this new guy? "Yeah I liked the subplot of him babysitting the baby. If I owned that franchise I'd milk that babysitting plot!" Oscar giggled.
"You can always draw a fan comic! Let's make one together!" said Milo.
"Coooool!"
...
In the back in a simple art studio.
Oscar was making a comic with Milo with high tech equipment.
"And then the baby inexplicably gets shrunk and shoves his hands up Marsupilami's big black shiny nose and pulls his boogers!" said Oscar.
"I still don't get why the sub plot is a Sadomasochistic Tyrannosaurus rex called Tyrannosaurus Sex who runs an S & M club..." said Milo.
"Don't forget Justin Timberwolf and diaper fetish gross out humour!" said Oscar.
Milo winced in disgust.
Hank Simpson seethed, "See what I have to deal with?!"
Oscar glared at Hank.
Meanwhile at the Simpsons house, Homer was watching Goldeneye.
"You think I'm an accountant! A bean counter! More obsessed with my numbers than your instincts!" said Judi Dench as M.
"Eeeeeew! Judi Dench..." Homer cringed as he watched the movie.
"The thought had occurred to me." said robot house Pierce Brosnan from House of Whacks.
"Well good. Because I think you are a sexist misogynistic dinosaur!" said M.
Tyrannosaurus Sex roared angrily at the TV.
"You tell her dude!" said Homer. "Accusing your kind of sexism..."
"Homer it's a figure of speech..." said Marge.
"I have no idea what that is." said Homer.
Marge sighed.
"Homer why did you drink so much last night?"
"So the Statue of Liberty would take off her clothes..." Homer groaned.
Marge seethed.
Elsewhere Metropolis was destroyed.
"What shall we do now?" Darkseid asked.
"Get a coffee?" Lex Luthor asked.
"You destroyed all the Starbucks." said Metallo.
"Oh yeah..."
Mr Mxyzptlk sighed.
...
There was another convention at Coolsville. Oscar was arguing with the creator of Archie comics for not allowing fan fiction of their franchise.
"But that goes against freedom of fair use!" Oscar.
"Damn that Fair Use law!" The author yelled. "Look at this amateur fan comic an anonymous fan made!"
Oscar read the comic. Unfortunately it was Archie X Jughead... "Eeeeeeuuugh! Why would you ship them?!" Oscar yelled.
"My point exactly! This is why I don't allow Fanfiction!" said the writer of Archie comics.
Meanwhile Bart and Milhouse encountered Comic Book Guy. He was dressed as a woman.
"I am no longer Comic book Guy... just plain old Jeff Albertson... I have personas now! This is my girl persona." said Comic Book Guy/Jeff.
A man asked him/her a question. "Ma'am what colour should Sonic's arms be?"
Jeff sprayed mace in his eyes. The man ran off screaming and clutching his eyes.
"That is not important! Buy my Sonichu comic!" said Jeff.
"Ugh! So you got ran out of business for your rude behaviour towards customers so you resort to ripping off Chris Chan and his stupidity?!" Bart yelled.
"It's Christina now!" said Christian Weston Chandler dressed in a frilly dress.
"Go away you freak!" Bart yelled.
"If you're not interested in buying my Sonichu comics please leave, I have a convention of sonic fans to attend to...
Jeff and Chris, sorry Christina, sat down at a ring of chairs inside the empty shut down Androids Dungeon with other crazed Sonic fans. SammyClassicSonicFan, A kid with glasses and a red hoodie wearing a Mario backpack was screaming his head off.
"WHEN WILL YOU LEARN!? THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!" Sammy screamed.
"Sammy stop screaming into your webcam..." said Sammy's Mom.
"I drew Sonic as a urinal!" said a nerd showing a picture of Sonic as a urinal.
"Aaaaaagh! It burns!" said Jeff Albertson screaming and covering his eyes.
"Oh come on! I didn't even spray you!" Chris Chan frowned.
"Well I drew my Sonic fan character in a diaper!" said Oscar drawing diaper fur art of Sonic characters.
"Enough!" Cousin Hank yelled.
"Feh!" Comic Book Guy sighed.
...
After Marge dropped Bart off at Coolsville and wished him a fun day reading his funny books she realised with her Olive Oyl body she looked fat compared to Wonder Woman. "Oh my!"
"Don't worry Ma'am. Those super model body types are so unrealistic and unhealthy! No one is that thin..." said Kearney.
"Yeah, you're still skinnier than most super heroines, Girthquake, Flabarella..." said Jimbo.
"Hehehehe... Flaberella..." Oscar laughed.
"Well you would say that Kearney! Your mom is fat!" said Dolph.
"Shut up! Stop insulting my mom! Why if she were here..." said Kearney.
"She can't. She's depressed from being fat!" said Dolph.
"Shut up!" Kearney yelled. "She's just fat because her depression pills make her bloated!"
"She's depressed from having a loser like you!" Dolph laughed.
"Shut up!" Kearney. yelled and started fighting with his friends.
"Well I better go to the gym before I go from hip to hippo!" said Marge.
"I wish my mom said things like that." said Kearney.
"She can't become she's depressed!" said Dolph teasing him.
"Shut up!" Kearney fights with him again.
"Uh... Mom is Kearney acting as big kid school bully here or a single father...?" Hugo asked wearing glasses. Despite having perfect vision.
"I'm both! I'm a single father and I still haven't passed sixth grade!" said Kearney.
"For the thirteenth time! You were in sixth grade when we were in kindergarten!" Jimbo teased Kearney.
"Shut up!" Kearney yelled and punched Jimbo.
Marge, Maggie and Hugo rolled their eyes exasperated.
Inside.
Bart read a comic.
"Hehehe... Vampire dinosaur..." He chuckled.
Ace rolled his eyes at Bart.
"Bart have you seen Oz?" Lisa asked Bart.
Oscar was strangling Cousin Hank.
(Wheezing)
"Stop kink shaming!" Oscar snarled.
...
However the local gym or as Homer put it a Gime was for fitness freaks and steroid fuelled monsters. And hulks that didn't take part in the dark arts of steroids, and drank protein shakes and raw eggs... yeeeeuck!
"I took steroids once." said Marge.
"Yes and you went She Hulk and pulverised everyone!" said Oscar.
Uh yes, as Oscar pointed out.
"And you raped me!" Homer reminded her. Yeah that's why I'm not doing that episode.
Marge was welcomed in by Rainer Wolfcastle, who was a mentor for her husband when he trained to climb Mount Murderhorn and former heavy weight champ turned lunatic Drederick Tatum.
"This gym keeps me occupied from my cannibalism..." said Drederick Tatum.
Marge winced.
He eats ears...
"Today some German demons from Hell are doing amateur gymnastics." said Rainer Wolfcastle.
The red and blue demons from Dragon Ball Z Abridged where they were dubbed over with funny German accents were making everyone do star jumps.
"Einz Zwei Drei..." said the red demon.
"Come on! Schnell! Schnell!" said the blue demon. "Work those calves!"
Marge gulped and went to look else where at the gym.
She passed a poster saying "Gym. It is pronounced as Jim! Not to rhyme with Dime with a hard G!"
"Mmmmmm! Gime..." said Homer.
"ENOUGH!" Rainer yelled at him.
"Oh look Maggie! A mother and daughter class!" said Marge but to her horror, it was mother and daughter kick boxing! There was some very violent sparring happening in there.
Marge yelped and decided to just go on the machines. However the treadmills were set to fast and she went flying. "Who can run that fast?!" Marge yelled dazed and emerging from a hole she made in the wall.
Sonic the hedgehog, Usain Bolt and the Flash were running extremely fast on the treadmills that their legs were a blur.
Marge left deciding on opening her own gym for women.
"But men go to the gym to stare at women and judge them!" said Homer.
Marge grumbled.
Plot 3
But Comic Book Guy unlike in canon wasn't ready to give up his shop.
"Marge I may have gone out of business and lost all of my customers to Coolsville but, the Androids Dungeon makes a fabulous nerd den for me and all my nerd friends and comic book fans!" said Comic Book Guy.
Christina Chandler sprayed mace at someone.
(Pained screams)
"But now you're just squatting and denying a location for a new business I'll get you removed from here!" said Marge.
"Correction. I am not squatting because I am the legal owner and I am still paying my taxes and bills! Good day!" said Comic Book Guy.
"But!" said Marge.
"Good day!" said Comic Book Guy but losing his patience.
Marge sighed and left.
At home Homer scoffed at the idea of an all female gym.
"People go to the Gime to see all the hunks working out! Why would women want a woman only gym?" Homer went outside to find every woman in Springfield lining up eager with Marge's idea.
"Sweetheart you're a genius!" said Homer.
"Yes but I need a premises. And Comic Book Guy won't budge." said Marge.
"Why should I? As long as I pay my bills..." said Comic Book Guy.
"How? You're out of business..." said Homer.
"Worst karma ever!" said Comic Book Guy.
"Now he's just Guy..." said Oscar.
"Actually my real name is Jeff Albertson." said Guy.
"Okay..." said Oscar.
"Hey Funny face! Beat it! We need a Gal's gym!" said Agnes Skinner.
"Oh god! It's Cinderella's wicked stepmother!" Jeff screamed.
"Why yooooooou!" Agnes seethed.
"Why I do believe we found out what happened to Baby Jane..." said Jeff.
Marge sighed.
"You ill mannered sack of crap!" said Agnes.
"Oh what a hag..." said Jeff. "Here's your broomstick..."
...
So as a result of my changes Marge reluctantly attended Rainer Wolfcastle and Drederick Tatum's gym, that Homer kept calling a Gime.
"It is not a Gime!" Rainer yelled at him.
Oscar was with Marge today, for some reason. Marge was getting advice from the Gym coaches. A lady gym coach with a towel round her neck.
"Well Zachary J does Pilates, at two pm is swimming with Zachary C... and then there's weights with Zachary B..." said the gym teacher lady.
Oscar unpacked an assault rifle from a suitcase and went off to kill all the Zacharies.
"An excellent idea!" said Stewie Griffin running after him and carrying a cartoon sci-fi blaster ray gun.
Then Marge went to an exercise class but to her horror it was run by Richard Simmons!
"Come on, come girls! Get the butter off those buns!" said Richard Simmons exercising with ladies and men. "Shake, shake, shake!"
The song Shake your booty was playing.
Marge screamed and ran out of the gym room.
Oscar was trying to chat up a lady gym coach. "So you're telling me you don't go for the guy that just murdered eighty percent of your coworkers..."
Then the tannoy played an urgent message from reception.
"On top of the mass shooting that is still ongoing, we're having trouble with Miranda Hart wanting to cancel her gym membership! Everyone to reception immediately! Oh and watch out for the shooter..." said a voice over the tannoy.
"Cancelling a gym membership?! Not on my watch!" said Rainer Wolfcastle.
At reception.
"Cancel my gym membership now! Or I'll! I'll! I will shit on your towels!" Miranda Hart ranted. "Then I'll break your swimming pool!"
"How?" A receptionist asked.
"I will... bring in a flock of sheep! Yes sheep covered in poo balls!" said Miranda.
"Poo balls?!"
"Yes! Poo balls! Poo clogged in their wool! And then I will pee in your ball pool!" said Miranda Hart.
In Coolsville.
"I'm guessing Oscar made my story the main one, even though it's the opening story and Mom's that..." said Bart reading this very wiki article on Oscar's Mypad.
"Wonder what he will do with Dad's, the C story..." said Lisa.
"You can't have three stories in one! It would be badly written!" said Oscar.
"And I suppose nonsense cameos isn't..." Bart sighed.
...
Eventually Comic Book Guy was evicted by the Mayor.
"Noooooooooo!" He cried.
"This building is now for sale. I am told Marge Simpson wishes to purchase it to run a fresh uh erm new business." said Mayor Quimby. Oh and I prefer West. He's funny...
Mayor West was beating up the Noid.
"A women's only gym. Called Shapes." said Marge.
"Seems like a great idea Marge!" said Mrs Quimby.
"Yeah sure..." said Mayor Quimby.
"Yep. It'll never last..." said Homer whispering to the Mayor.
A pink feminine Gym opened. Homer was wrong. It was instantly popular as all the women flocked to it.
He scoffed.
"Mom you may have to open a second Shapes." said Lisa.
"Oooooooh!" said Marge.
Luanne was on a running machine. Bernice drank a smoothie.
"We also do Pilates." said Marge.
"Wasn't that invented by Pontius Pilate? Who sentenced Jesus to death!" Oscar yelled.
Bart face palmed at his stupidity.
Lisa winced at Oscar.
Agnes was on bicycle machine smoking a cigar and talking about how worthless and pathetic her son, Seymour is.
"No cigars! This is a gym!" said Marge.
"Oh fine..." said Agnes stubbing out her cigar.
Lisa went through the finances.
"Come on Boys, let's find somewhere manly..." said Homer.
He went to the local regular gym that Oscar caused a mass shooting in.
"I'll train you on the weights while I'll shout slogans at you!" said Rainer Wolfcastle.
"Okay..." said Homer.
"Push. Harder. Go past the max. Reach over the top. Master your ass." Rainer yells.
Homer grunted as he lifted weights.
...
At Coolsville.
Art Spiegelman tried to sue Don Bluth over his American Tails/Fievel franchise over the concept of Jewish mice. Um you can't copyright a concept...
Oscar was baffled.
"Fievel also has Vore in it..." said Oscar.
Hugo winced in disgust.
Dan Clowes still really wanted to draw Batman comics...
However instead of Alan Moore today, Milo invited Spanish/Mexican comic book artist Sergio Aragonés.
Oscar yelped. "Aaaaaaagh! Sergio!"
Dramatic Mexican vihuelas twanged. (A type of guitar)
Sergio leered at Oscar and showed him one of his comics that was named after Oscar's hallucination demons.
Oscar screamed and fled.
Hugo was baffled.
"Sergio is his Dr Demento. Or possibly his Sideshow Bob." said Bart.
Comic Book Guy came in again. He looked terrible. It was clear he was living in poverty.
"Yes, all right, you little trolls. You have taught me a valuable lesson. To appreciate my customers... now please just return us to the status quo and end today's adventures..." Comic Book Guy groaned.
"Universes need to evolve..." said Bart.
"Feh!" Comic Book Guy sighed.
"Paper tastes better when it has super heroes on it." said Ralph.
Bart winced.
"Note to self. Do not inform Ralph that's how they market LSD..." said Oscar.
Comic Book Guy annoyed at being ignored went to Moe's.
"What can I get you?" Moe asked.
"One Romulan Ale, please. If you do not carry the real thing, a reasonable facsimile is Coors Light and green food coloring." said Comic Book Guy.
Moe rolled his eyes. "I don't serve Coors."
"Okay a raspberry Schnapps." said Comic Book Guy.
"I don't serve fruit Schnapps on the account of seeing some townsfolk cause stupidity after just one glass of the stuff. Blackberry makes Ned call Ann Landers a boring old biddy, And don't bring up Apule after a shot of Raspberry..." said Moe.
...
And now the episode starts getting silly...
Marge went on Oprah.
"Marge you gave us a wonderful gift. A women's gym for women, built by a woman!" said Oprah.
"I'm honoured to be here." Marge smiled.
"Marge, you get a German cuckoo clock, you all get German cuckoo clocks!" said Oprah.
Everyone cheered,
"Living with Oscar is like living in a cuckoo clock..." said Bart. Oscar was dressed as a clown juggling.
"Ach der liebe! Meine mutti has zousands of zees!" Üter sighed as he received a cuckoo clock.
Oscar chuckled. "I'm going to Üter's to set off all of his cuckoo clocks at once!" His cuckoo clock he got from Oprah made the distinctive cuckoo piccolo sound as a small wooden bird popped out.
Üter frowned at him.
Homer was at a conference for Marge's gym. Her customers also brought their athletic husbands.
"I'm happy for Marge's success. I can finally afford to get her a better car than her station wagon and the Canyonero. I was thinking a Ferrari..." said Homef.
"Well careful Homer pal. Marge might trade you for a better model!" said one of the gym member husbands.
"How so?! Marge and I are solid! Just like you guys are with your wives!" said Homer.
"Homer, we're all their second husbands." said a muscular guy.
"Our wives ditched their fat husbands for us buff, tanned guys..." said a um Zachary...
Homer screamed.
He decided to have plastic surgery to become extremely handsome. However we all know plastic surgery does the exact opposite, it deforms people into horrific monsters because the human body is a complex thing that shouldn't me messed about with or cut and tucked at.
"I need a tummy tuck!" Homer asked the surgeon who mistakenly gave Marge bigger boobs.
At the Simpsons house, Oscar annoys Teddy, his living teddy bear creature and causes Richard Horvitz madness...
Teddy is showering.
Oscar flushes the toilet. Making his water hot.
"AAAHHH" Teddy quickly jumped out of the shower with a huge scream as his entire body was burning "YOU COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL I CAME OUT!"
Oscar smirked.
"WAIT! Why are you flushing the toilet? You refuse to use it. YOU WEAR DIAPERS!" said Teddy occasionally yelling like Moxxie or Billy or even Zim.
...
Homer had plastic surgery and looked like a monster. I mean look what they did to Kim Kardashian!
"Am I beautiful now?" Homer asked.
"No, only nature can create beauty. Carving people up and nipping and tucking can never create beauty." said the surgeon from Large Marge.
"It's also interfering in God's domain!" said Ned.
Homer now disfigured from cosmetic surgery sighed.
At home the kids screamed.
"Homer why?!" Marge asked.
"Eh..." said disfigured Homer.
"Never mind. Tomatoes are so expensive these days..." said Marge.
"Tomatoes..." Oscar pronounced it the British way.