Five weeks later

"Gwah gaga," the baby gurgled at Annie and she lifted him out of the crib at 7:15 that morning.

Annie smiled brightly, bouncing as they made their way to the kitchen for morning bottles, "Guess who is coming back today baby Mac?"

He cooed to her in happiness as the bouncing continued and Annie assembled the breakfast bottle with one hand, "That's right, Mommy and Daddy!" Annie exclaimed with excitement.

She and Mac made it to the living room and she fed him. He was to the point he was starting to be able to hold the bottle by himself.

Annie was conflicted about today. She had taken care of Mack almost the entire week by herself. It was honestly the most fun she had had in years, since taking care of her nieces.

It reminded Annie of just how much she loved kids. She got to stay in an amazing house, with a great guest bedroom, and today all of this bliss would be coming to an end.

Still, Annie was happy for Mac. He had been the best baby, but Annie could sense he missed his mom and dad.

But a piece of Annie dreaded going back to her studio apartment. It had been four months since she was there. And tonight she was going to be there alone.

One week earlier

"Annie, we need to be at the Campbells at six am tomorrow, they are leaving for the airport," Ryan said trying to make conversation.

Annie knew that already, "Yea," she said still staring at the tv.

Ryan reached over and shut the tv off.

"Annie I don't want to do this, but before we spend a week at the Campbells I need to know what's wrong."

Annie had spent the last three weeks slowly putting distance between them. It was hard. She didn't want to hurt Ryan or herself. She didn't want him to know she was doing this, almost treating him like an op. She felt guilty and it hurt her to do this for him and her.

Annie turned to face him, "I don't know how to say this."

Ryan's face hardened but his eyes stayed soft and open. Annie stared into them fiercely, "Annie, you can tell me anything," he picked up her hand.

She thought of taking it away but decided not too. "When we started this relationship I was running away from my past and I need someone. I needed someone reliable like you. And I truly appreciate all the ways you have helped me heal. You and your love and consistency has patched up all the brokenness in me in ways I can't understand. You were there for some of the hardest points of my life. When I realized how empty I was."

"I can see there is a but coming," He stated.

"Yea, while I was doing this great healing going from a pile of brokenness, we blossomed a beautiful friendship. It turned heated and into a relationship quickly and a serious one. But one minute I was okay with that and the next I felt like I was in a hole and I couldn't climb back to being friends."

"So you just stayed in this hole? Metaphorically?" Ryan asked his facing giving nothing away for Annie to gauge the conversation.

"I think, I think I didn't realize it felt like a hole because I was so happy to finally be feeling better with myself. I didn't see that I wasn't okay with the depth of the relationship until, well, recently."

"Just answer me one question," He continued, "is this a break up?" He sounded a bit sad even his eyes giving it away.

"I, I don't know. I don't want it to be a break up. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to loose you, I just-"

Ryan stopped Annie, swallowing the lump in his throat, he had been mentally preparing for something like this for more than the last three weeks. He loved Annie, yes, but he had always been good at reading her. He had known for months seeing her heal that he would likely be a stepping stone to her true destiny. And he was happy for her but it still hurt.

"It's okay Annie, " he took both her hands in his, "I don't want it to be a break up either. Your not going to loose me, no matter our relationship status. I am here," he squeezed her hands, "I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded her eyes misty, he knew the tears wouldn't fall though. In some ways he still saw Annie as the fragile, wounded deer he had brought in from the wild a year ago, but she was anything but that. She hadn't just healed, the therapy had helped her open up in so many other ways.

Ryan was truly happy for her no matter how their relations ended.

No more words needed to be exchanged they both knew what was going on and the next morning Annie showed up to the Campbells alone.

Annie began preparing dinner after Mack went down for his last nap. Nothing fancy, just spaghetti, but she knew the Campbells would appreciate it after their long day traveling.

Between the serious baby playing and cleaning up for the Campbells arrival, Annie hadn't thought as much of her family today.

As she mixed the meat and sauce together memories of all the times she had made this meal for her little nieces came flooding back.

This week was the best, most fulfilling in years, but Annie yearned to have her real family back so badly.

This week had just confirmed that she needed to figure out how to read them back into her life no matter the consequences.

She wondered how the girls and Danielle we're doing in California. Katia will be turning 18 this year, in September. She will be going off to college. Wow, how the time has passed. Chloe she is 14, going through the teenage years.

Annie wished she could have been there more to help Danielle. In the last 7 years, Annie had only been there with the girls for the first year. She had been traveling abroad for two years before that, thinking she had plenty of time to spend with her nieces when she returned home.

She smiled remembering Katia as a baby right after she had started college. Those were some of the hardest moments of her life. Even now after everything Annie had been through those formative years still hit so hard.

She didn't even realize the tears were streaming done her cheeks until her nose starting running. She quickly sniffles them back glancing up at Mac, in the high chair, "You didn't see that okay?"

She needed help with how to reach out, she needed to talk to Joan.

6 weeks earlier

"I'm not doing this as your boss." Joan swiveled her bottom from the pile to face toward Annie, "I am asking as a curious friend. Where were you from the time you stopped high school to your first semester of college?"

Annie tried to choose her words carefully, "I," Mac cooed up at her, she repositioned him, his tiny hand grabbing her finger, she let out an audible sigh, "I want to tell you, really. And as a friend and boss I don't mean this disrespectfully, but it's been a long day and I promise it can wait. Is it okay if we save this for another day?"

Joan noted the fatigue in Annie's eyes, her body language, using Mac as a soothing tool. Joan knew Annie was not trying to be short or mean, she had just really had a long day. Joan put on her warmest host facing letting out a nodding smile, "of course, Annie, it's no problem."