Blaine Abernathy: A Canary Caged

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games

Warning: This chapter is rated M for sexual content

Chapter 42: Heavy in your arms.

Blaine's POV

The Avoxes stared at me with concern and confusion after they rushed in after I screamed. All the information President Snow has told me added a heavy burden. I should be thankful that I was not going into the arena. I was not going into the Quarter Quells. But my friends…they were not pardoned. All because of who I was related to.

Lucy Gray Baird.

District 12's first victor.

Victor of the tenth annual Hunger Games.

President Snow was her mentor.

He knew her.

Does that mean I've been singing her songs?

Did I sing her song?

My breathing quickened as I felt my chest tighten. I collapsed onto my knees, back pressed against the door, having a panic attack. The Avoxes saw this as they quickened to scurry around. The Avox with the red hair rushed over to me as she knelt to my level, taking my hands. She made a gesture as she took deep breaths through her nose and exhaled from her mouth. Realizing what she was doing, I mimicked her, taking deep breaths through my nose and out of my mouth.

I tried to calm my nerves, but the conversation repeated in my head.

Lucy Gray Baird is my cousin.

I'm alive so far because of her.

Why hasn't the Covey told me about her?

Why didn't Mom, Granny Maude, or Aunty Barb tell me?

Unless they have mentioned her but never used her name. They never used their last name. It has always been Maude Ivory and Barb Azure. If I recall correctly, Lucy died just after becoming a Victor. Lucy was murdered by Mayor Lipp, who accused her of killing his daughter. However, what if there was more to the story. President Snow said he thought I was Lucy's granddaughter, and the disappointment and relief I wasn't. As if he knew the truth about what happened to her. Did he…did he do something to Lucy?

The thought disturbed me.

I need answers.

I need to know the truth.

I need to talk to the Covey. Those who were there when Lucy Gray was still alive. Those were Aunty Barb Azure, Tam Amber, and Clerk Carmine. They have to know the truth. They were there.

The Red Avox cradles my face to break my spiral. I glance at her, seeing the concern written in her eyes. She continued the breathing exercises. I repeated until my panic attack reduced to tolerable. She smiled approvingly before helping me and escorting me to my room.

I need to shower. I needed to wash the evidence that I was crying before the others arrived. Thanking the Red Avox before going to the bathroom. I stripped off the comfortable clothes and the jewelry. I took off the snowdrop earrings and then stared at them.

So far, President Snow hasn't mention Cinna. Therefore, he was safe…for now.

I stared at the earrings, gently tracing the porcelain petals with jade for the green ovary (A/N: part of the flower that keeps the petals together.). When I turned to look inside, there were glass beads. My mother's maiden name was Galanthus. She told me that even though the snowdrop bows in the winter, they hold onto the hope of spring. Ready for the rebirth.

I was an autumn child who cherished a winter flower.

A shy flower that is afraid to raise its head yet has special meaning.

I sighed, setting the earrings down before taking a shower. I can't have the others see me like this. To see me weak. Finnick and Johanna could tell if something upset me. Maybe even Cinna. However, I can't let them know that President Snow has pardoned me from the games.

Katniss Everdeen will be reaped.

And I cannot volunteer to save her.

If I did, I fear President Snow will go after the Covey.

.o0o.

After my shower, I changed into comfortable clothes just in time to see my friends coming in.

"Can't you believe the traffic," Effie exasperated. "It took an hour to get out of there."

"I'm sorry you went through that," I replied.

Miya came over and gave me a hug. I chuffed at the impact before wrapping my arms around her. She quickly apologized and pulled away.

"That was wonderful," Miya complimented.

"Soon, you'll be on stage singing your songs." I replied.

Miya gave a nervous smile.

I then glanced at Johanna and Finnick as they stared at me, reading my expression. No doubt they could tell something had happened to me. Cinna noticed this as well.

Effie, being oblivious, clapped her hands together, "Come, Come. We must celebrate." Her heels clicked on the tile floor leading to the dining room. "I placed a special order for dinner."

The others followed Effie while Cinna came over, taking my hand, "Is everything alright?"

I nodded, squeezing his hand, "Yes. Just…just a rough encounter with a fan."

Cinna frowned at that.

"Can you stay the night?" I whispered?

Cinna cradled my cheek and pressed his lips upon my forehead, "As you wish."

I sighed in relief before letting go of his hand leading the way to the dining room. We all sat as I was placed at the head of the table. Tonight's meal started with chicken spinach artichoke soup. Then cherry balsamic sirloins with herby fingerling potatoes and roasted Brussels sprouts. And finally, chocolate lava cakes with vanilla ice cream. I smiled softly in the comfort of the last meal.

There were some conversations, although Johanna remained silent since Effie was in the room. Portia went over, complimenting the show and how wonderful the tour was. Especially it being hectic with little to no sleep except for this last week. Cinna, Effie, and I agreed after countless rehearsals, interviews, and social events.

Yet the two Capitol women were unaware of the emotional struggle I had gone through, from Midnight's passing to the reading of the Quarter Quells. Let alone the news that President Snow informed me. I glance at my friends. How Finnick and Johanna were going into the arena. In which one or neither will return. Or sweet Miya, if reaped, will die a cruel, painful death. Meanwhile, I stay behind all because of blood.

My eyes watered, and I tried to blink the tears away.

"Are you alright, Blaine," Portia asked.

I took a ragged breath, wiping the traitor's tears away, "Yes, just tired and relieved that the tour is finally over."

Portia nodded, though she held some concern.

No one wants to talk about the elephant in the room.

Not the Quarter Quells.

"Well, it is getting late," Effie announced. "Blaine, your departure time is at noon. So please be ready."

"I will," I promised. "And will you have the videos ready?"

"Of course, I'll pick you up at eleven," Effie declared before leaving.

Ever since the announcement, I had asked Effie to bring in a copy of every Hunger Games for each surviving victor. The Team will need to do their research and know their enemies' tactics. At first, it was my selfish research so I could survive. But knowing I'm already spared…has added more weight to the guilt.

Portia also stood up, "I should be going as well." She walked around and gave me a side hug. "I'll see you next time."

I returned the side hug, "Thanks, Portia. I'll see you next time."

"Allow me to walk you ladies down," Cinna added as he took.

A few moments later, all the Capitol Citizens left, leaving us Victors alone. I gestured them to the living room, in which Johanna ordered an Avox to get us some hard drinks. We sat down, still collecting our thoughts. No doubt this will be the last time we will be together like this.

"Blaine, what truly happened?" Finnick asked.

"Nothing," I assured.

"You seem distraught," he pressed. "Did a fan really bother you, or something else?"

Johanna joined in, "You did sing a song that challenged them. Was it Snow?"

I took a deep breath, "President Snow gave me a warning."

"A warning or a damn threat?" Johanna countered.

"A warning," I lied. "It doesn't matter. I'm just glad I pissed him off."

Johanna snorted while Finnick scowled slightly.

Miya stared at us, concerned, "Wouldn't he go after you? I heard…he goes after Victors… who misbehaves."

All three of us sighed, knowing that was true.

I patted her on the shoulder, "Don't make the same mistake I made."

Miya nodded, then pulled back, seeing how Finnick and Johanna wanted to talk to me. I looked at her with a reassuring smile, "Keep to your training."

Miya nodded as Finnick gave her a hug while Johanna bobbed her head. Not saying another word, Miya left. We waited for a moment before we became serious.

"How bad?" Finnick asked.

I took a deep breath, "My list is getting longer on those who to protect."

"Who?" Johanna asked.

"The Covey," I answered. "I'm on warning, but President Snow will go after them if I step out of line again."

Johanna scowled along with Finnick. I told them about the Covey. How they are part of my distant family. The people I had to let go to protect. Now, they are in danger because I wanted to be petty.

"What now?" Johanna asked. "Do we pretend like the announcement never happened?"

I took a deep breath, "I don't know."

Finnick placed his hands on our shoulders, "Let's make a pack. We work together until the very end. No matter what."

Johanna rolled her eyes, "Fine. I'll protect your sexy ass."

I snorted from that, then got serious. "If I don't get Reap, I'll do what I can to help you."

"And what about the Love Birds, Little Miss Girl on Fire," Johanna challenged.

I shook my head, "I'll try for Peeta…. but Katniss, that is one migraine I dread."

"Is she that difficult?" Finnick asked.

"The worst," I answered.

Finnick and Johanna smirked.

And I just made things worse for Katniss.

.o0o.

I lay in bed on my side, petting Shiloh, who snuggled up to me. Tears slid down as I could no longer hold them in. Although I failed terribly. Shiloh sensed my distress, not reacting harshly, but sat there, allowing me to pet her.

The door opened, but I didn't bother knowing who it was.

Cinna, I thought.

Cinna came over to the bed. He took off his shoes and any necessary items before climbing into bed. He scooted up against me from behind, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. His face pressed along my hair. This embrace felt comforting, only I wish it was for better reasons.

I feel so heavy in his arms.

"What happened?" Cinna asked.

I wish I could tell him. I wish I could say to him everything that has happened to me since being Raped five years ago. The life I was forced into. And yet, if I told him the truth, he would be dead. So, I will suffer in silence until President Snow no longer needs me. Yes, I have partially told Finnick and Johanna what happened, all because I couldn't mask my frustration. They know me because they understand. But not Cinna. He will reject me.

"Blaine, please," he whispered. "Tell me."

"Just…just a bad encounter with a fan," I lied, wiping the tears away. "Don't worry, the Peacekeepers handled it."

Cinna placed a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him, unable to hide. "Did this fan touch you inappropriately?"

I shook my head, "No…just said something that upset me."

Cinna frowned at that.

I cradled his face, "It's fine. Just all the stress is finally catching up on me."

He sighed, leaning down to kiss the tears away.

I don't deserve him, I thought. I don't deserve anybody.

I should break up with him for his own protection. Put as much distance between us, and yet I want this. I want to feel loved. To be with somebody that I wanted. To wake up and stare at his face makes me happy.

He sees me as a fighter.

But I am no fighter. I am a monster. I have killed two innocent kids. I have been vengeful and murdered a teen out of justice and revenge. I have killed two Careers, one in manipulation with my body and the other for survival. I had killed three men outside of the arena under orders. One who could have saved me if I wasn't afraid. Followed by my tributes, eight lives I have failed to bring home. And lastly, Midnight.

There is so much blood on my hands.

Souls I have taken or witnessed.

I don't deserve love.

Anyone who loves me ends up hurt or dead.

Cinna continued kissing my cheeks, wiping the tears before pressing his lips against mine. The warmth of his lips filled with promises of comfort. My life has been cold. Like I was still stuck in the blizzard. Stuck in the mountains. There were moments when the blizzard paused to let the sun shine through, yet I was still cold. However, Cinna's lips held warmth like a fire.

All I want is his warmth. I'm tired of being cold..

Cinna pulled back by an inch, his eyes locked on my own, "What do you want, love? What do you truly want."

Love… did he call me love? I thought in shock as more tears fell.

Does that mean he truly loves me, or is he using a pet name? There are so many things I want from him. So many things I want. I cradled his face, leaning up to his lip, whispering deep in my heart, yet it was impossible to hear. What I truly wanted was "Help."

Cinna paused, staring at me, "What was that?"

I took a deep breath, realizing I was being reckless again, changing the answer, "You. I want you."

Cinna pulled back a little, staring at me. Deep down, I want help. I want to escape this nightmare I have been living since I was a little girl. I want to be free. Yet the golden shackles have waved me down to a point where I was drowning. Even if he could pull me out, the damage was already done. If the public knew about me, I would be executed. I was a dead woman walking. It would be a matter of time before the truth comes out. Whether it be by the Capitol or someone else.

I pulled Cinna down for another kiss. I want to be selfish. I leave tomorrow and won't be back unless summoned to the Capitol. So, I want to savor this moment. I want to forget everything that has transpired in the last month. All I want is him. This might not be a healthy relationship. Then again, Cinna chose this. I had given him many warnings that I was a toxic person. Well, not in a sense of behavior, yet people get hurt or die around me. Ultimately, he chose this instead of keeping our relationship mutual or professional.

Why does he have this effect on me? I thought.

"Are you sure?" He asked, pulling away to look me in the eyes.

A broken smile graced my lips, appreciating his value towards consent, "Yes."

Shiloh gave a mew, escaping towards the living room. Yet none of us paid attention.

No words were said as we worked on each other's clothes. Cinna took the lead as he laid me down on the bed. He stared down at me, taking the curves of my form as he traced his mouth from my stomach and along my neck. My breath hitched, and my muscles tightened under his lips. Until he kneels over the bed, his weight dipping the mattress as his hands hold my shoulders, moving his mouth to mine. My heart beat rapidly against his chest. He pressed a soft kiss on one cheek, then both my eyes and the other cheek. I sighed, relaxing as he brought his lips to my jaw, going around my chin to provide the same treatment to the other side.

Then, down the column of my neck, keeping these kisses soft and gentle as if he was worshiping my body. Down he went, till lavishing his tongue along my collarbone. A soft moan escaped my lips as I closed my eyes. He hummed, satisfied by my response, and traveled farther south between my breasts. I gasped as he took a breast into his mouth, gently pulling at the nipple. My hands clenched to the sheets, trying to savor the feeling as a deeper moan escaped. His lips were with a bit of teeth, pulling at the nipple before licking over until his hot breath stimulated it. His actions caused my nipple to a tight peak. As he did this, his other hand massaged my breath.

He continues this, lapping my breasts, sucking, nibbling, and, before long, switching to give the same treatment to the other. My muscles tensed, my breathing was laborious, and I craved more. However, he was doing all the work. I maneuver my hands to his side, feeling along his ribs and admiring his lean form. Just as I reached for his ass, he stopped what he was doing, grabbed my wrists, and pressed them on either side of my head. My eyes widened, not expecting that.

"Cinna," I panted, dumbfounded.

He gave a reassuring smile, "This is about you."

"But- "

He pressed his lips against my own, "Let me take care of you."

That is all he has done. He always has taken care of me, even while being intimate. Yes, he allows me to touch him, except he doesn't demand other gratifications in sex, except when we are one. He likes to be in charge, but isn't demanding or forcing. I want to show him in some way.

Cinna passionately kissed me again, sliding his tongue along my lips and asking for access. I complied, opening my lips and allowing him to slide his tongue to dance along my own. Meanwhile, he let go of his dominant hand, taking his member and giving it a few pumps to get himself harder, as he groaned. He let go of himself, moving his fingers to my slit. Gently slide them in, smiling to find myself wet. I closed my eyes, bucking my hips into his hand.

In and out, his fingers moved inside me. Searching for my g-spot while his palm pressed against my clit. My walls trembled under his manipulation as he thrust his fingers inside me. It was overwhelming from his lips on me, kissing me to oblivion while his fingers moved. I pulled my head to the side, needing to breathe, and he kissed along my jaw and neck before sucking on a pulse.

"Please," I begged. "I…need…more."

He nibbled my earlobe, huskily saying, "What do you want?"

I groaned, closing my eyes, "You. You inside me."

His response was pressing harder and upper along the g-spot, curling his fingers while pressing my clit. I cried out, saying his name as an orgasm ripped into me. My muscles tighten, walls clenching onto his fingers. Slowly, he pulled his fingers out and then held me. He got into position between my legs while wrapping his arms around me. He rubbed his members on my core. He groaned, feeling my cum drench his member.

I wrapped my arms around him, bringing him close. Holding onto him as if there was nothing else. Five years of drowning to have this moment. I adjust my head to face him, seeing emotions in his eyes, knowing he cares for me as I care for him. He passionately kisses me once more, without mouths open, tongues tangling, and moans escaping while we rub against each other.

Desperately, I wanted him inside me. As if he could read my mind, he took hold of his member and lined it up to my entrance. I took a deep breath and then let out the air as he entered me, causing my eyes to widen and gasp. The gentleness was gone this time as he thrust himself into the hilt.

"Sorry," He groaned, holding me tightly while hands molded my body.

"Don't…be gentle," I pleaded, holding onto him.

Another groan escaped as he buried his face into my neck. However, this was Cinna. He has always been gentle. Slowly, he rocked his hips. I gasped, clinging onto him while adjusting my legs to give him better access. All of his composure vanished, picking up the pace as he hammered into me. I feel him go deep while my walls clamped around him.

He moved his head, staring at me. I leaned up, claiming his lips, kissing him. One hand grasping his back while the other gripping his hair. All self-control was gone. Everything was gone except for us. All I could hear was our moans, groans, and the sound of flesh against flesh.

Deep and hard, he went.

And I took it all.

However, all good things must come to an end. As I could feel our release. I felt the pit of my stomach tighten, my walls pulse while his member grew, and his pace quickened. He pushed harder and faster, reaching our panicle that I moaned, breaking the kiss with a struggle gasp. He groaned, thrust erratically, coming inside me and then collapsing on top of me.

I panted, feeling the aftermath while holding onto him. He was still inside me. Selfishly, I curled one leg against his form, keeping him there. Cinna panted rapidly, gaining his composure, yet did not move himself. Instead, he embraced me, turning us onto our side, and stared. Until he cupped my face and his thumbs wiped my tears away.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. I Wish the tears to just stop.

He leaned in, kissing the tears away. "Don't be."

I wanted to tell him more. Tell him everything, yet I can't. Not without putting him in danger. These are my demons. And I will be damned with them. It was only a matter of time, and though President Snow warned me and I was spared from the Quarter Quells…the secrets were eating me alive. The guilt. The burden.

I just needed to escape.

To be selfish.

Knowing this would be our last night before I went to District 12, I rolled us over, taking control. I don't want this night to end. I want to forget everything and everyone for a few hours. To be loved.

I'll be back in that internal blizzard when dawn returns into the coldness.

As I stared at those green eyes.

Those green eyes with specks of gold.

A moment in spring.

What do you all think of Blain's connection to Lucy Gray?

Thanks for reading, and please leave a review.