A/N: A/N: *EDIT*

Behold the trolls in the reviews. Now you see what I'm dealing with. So sick of this...

I need to get away from the Fate Series for a bit.

Folks are asking what's wrong with me. You don't want to know the answer.

Lets just say...I have mental problems. For the sake of my identity, I won't elaborate further.

I've also suffered some nasty betrayals courtesy of friends and family, so I don't know how to feel about that, either.

I'm trying to be a good person...I'm trying to be nice...but some days are harder than others. Two jobs only make it that much harder.

And then there's the writing side of things. Considering that "A Most Unlikely Drifter" and then "Sage" got all but lambasted, I thought it was time for a change. So here, I suppose. Lets see if this gets any reviews.I have plenty of others series to update, but it seems folks are sick of Fate. Maybe I should stop. Maybe I should leave.

I don't enjoy much. Not anymore.

I'm starting to feel downright apathetic since last week and that's...a bit concerning given that I'm usually a pretty happy person. I almost feel like I'm being taken for granted in general as of late. I started the daily updates and the A Most Unlikely series to make people happy. Oddly enough it seems to have had the opposite effect as of late. What was once a flood of reviews has slowed to nary a trickle, hell most of the reviews for the last chapter of "Drifter" were flames or complaints.

So lets shift gears.

I've got some serious thinking to do in the next few days here.

Once more, I own no references, quotes, or relations to other media.

Sorry that this is short, but I'm working doubles as of late with little time to rest.

Still, I hope you all enjoy this, and I look forward to reading your reviews when I get back~!

"I cannot be bribed, for I have no need of jewels or money."

"I cannot be persuaded, for I possess one goal."

"I cannot be slain, for I have many faces."

"I cannot be stopped."

"I cannot."

~A Man.

That I Must Bow So Low (Interlude)

"I'm thinking about writing a book. The Imp and the Exile. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Naruto didn't look up from his flagon of ale; if Tyrion didn't know better he would've thought the whiskered warrior asleep at the table. But the dwarf did know better and thus wasn't fooled in the least when his erstwhile ally abrupt swept up his cup and downed it in a single cup. He caught a gleam of irritated blue within his hood and thus flinched only slightly when that mailed fist slammed down against the table. Spooked by the sudden gesture, one of the serving girls furtively scurried forward and hastened to refill his battered mug.

"You're right," Tyrion sighed into the ensuing silence as she poured. "How rude of me. If not for you, I wouldn't be here. How does the Exile and the Imp sound?"

The Man of Many Faces waved her away, but he did deign to look at Tyrion at last. He supposed that was a victory.

"I don't care about the bloody book." the blond said at last. "Why are we in a brothel?"

"Why not a brothel?" the dwarf shot back. "This is the best place to be."

Unspoken were the words, we won't be heard here.

His guard caught the hint instantly.

"You have Shae."

"I do. Best that she not see me here." the little Lannister agreed amicably, quietly reminding himself that he was doing what was best for her; with his father's temper still running red hot, it was best to keep her within arms reach or out of sight. As he couldn't guarantee the latter every minute of every day, he'd temporarily left her in the care of Prince Oberyn. That man, at least, had no loyalty to Tywin Lannister. He'd probably keep her from Cersei solely out of spite as well. Shae hadn't been happy about these temporary arrangements, but she'd accepted them nonetheless.

Still, the silence descended once more like a pall between the two men.

So, Tyrion he did what he did best.

Talk.

"Quite unfortunate what happened to the Boltons." he began in a low voice, words barely audible above the buzz of conversation and more...excited sounds of the establishment. They were far less likely to draw attention to themselves here, even with the recent upheaval. "I suspect the new Wardens of the North will find their tenure very short-lived as a result of their egregious actions today. My father has already ordered a sizable force of men to their doorstep. I suspect he intends to rip them out of Winterfell, root and stem for their...disloyalty."

"Yes, how unfortunate."

Not liking that tone, Tyrion paused and laid a hand on his ally's arm.

"I am grateful you know." he said softly. "If not for you, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

The Man of Many Faces granted him a grim grin. "Oh, you would've found a way. Your brother wouldn't let you die."

For once, words failed him. Well. That wouldn't do!

...I hear Essos is lovely this time of year."

That granted him a baffled look.

"I suppose it is...why?"

"Oh, no reason." snatching up his flagon, the dwarf drained it and immediately blanched at the strength of the drink. "I was just thinking about taking an...extended leave of absence."

"Tyrion, you're a free man."

"Perhaps." the little Lannister granted, beckoning for another flagon for his comrade to replace the one he'd taken, "But for how long? As things are, I'd consider it a miracle if my father doesn't concoct some way to have me killed within a fortnight. And if he doesn't, Cersei will."

Naruto drummed his fingers against the creaking table, pausing just long enough to accept his new drink.

"Do you want to stay?"

Tyrion bit back the urge to bash his head against the nearest wall.

"Very much so." he confessed, taking another drink. "But not like this. I may be good at the Game, but I'm not eager to have another brush with death so soon in my lifetime. Who knows?" another reluctant sip, "After all, you might not be there the next time."

Naruto's flagon struck the table. "I meant what I said; I'll always be here."

Perhaps it was the ale, but those words-the way they were said-made Tyrion feel a touch surly.

"While I am...flattered by your loyalty," he slurred the last only slightly, "Even you cannot be everywhere at once."

A blond brow rose.

"Can't I?"

Wordlessly, he snapped his fingers.

And everyone stood up.

As Tyrion frowned at this sudden turn of pace and struggled to make sense of it, the entire parlor turned to face them. No. Him. As one each waved a hand before their face, which quite suddenly, wasn't theirs at all. The smiling visage of Naruto gazed back at him from each visage, young and old alike. None of them spoke, even as the original took another mild sip of his stiff drink. Tyrion snatched his own up and drained it, only to find that same serving girl from before-now wearing the face of a certain smirking blond-ready to fill it again.

This was alarming.

Then, at some unseen command their hands moved again and the illusions-false faces!-reasserted themselves. They dipped a bow, and as a single unit, went back to their business. Everyone. Every merchant and vendor and guard and whore. All of them. Each of them. They just...went right back to what they were doing. Tyrion. As if they'd always been doing it, right from the start. As if they hadn't been wearing his face a moment ago; as if he'd just imagined it all. But he hadn't, had he? That was all too real.

Gulping, he turned to face the bemused blond.

"How did you...?"

Oh.

He'd forgotten about the copies-no, what had Naruto called them? Aha! Clones. Yes that was it. Had he seeded the brothel with them beforehand? If so, what had he done with everyone else? Had he simply replaced the lot of them when no one was looking? That was...frightfully concerning. He'd already seen the sheer volume the Man of Many Faces could create when he wanted to. Were he to actually try, well. Half of King's Landing could be under his thumb, and no one would be any wiser.

"I made a promise." his companion replied. "I keep my promises, Tyrion."

The dwarf felt his throat close, briefly choked by sheer emotion.

"Yes," he murmured into his drink. "You do, don't you?"

"Hey, I haven't failed you yet now, have I-

"Aha! There you are, my friend!"

Before the Man of Many Faces could finish replying to that, the door to the parlor swept open all at once; to their credit, none of the disguised doppelgangers broke character. Tyrion could rest assured that this, at least, wasn't a disguised clone. One could never mimic the overabundance of charisma that was Oberyn Martell. Somehow that man managed to stride into the brothel with all the predatory grace of a poisonous viper. Rather fitting, given his epitaph.

"You seem more yourself today."

Naruto gave a gravely grunt as he rose from the table. "As much as I can be these days."

The Prince of Sunspear gave a laugh as he clasped the blond's forearm. "I had not thought to see the mountain so soundly toppled in my lifetime. Well done!"

"Flattery doesn't work on him." Tyrion jawed from his comfortable seat. "I should know. I've tried."

And if this earned him him a mutinous look from his whiskered ally...well. All the more worth it then. He grinned and raised a glass in his honor. If he was going to make him uncomfortable with that charade then he could at least repay the favor. What else were friends for if not to drive one another mad? Pehraps that was the ale talking. Perhaps he was simply in a good mood, but he cast the prince a wink.

Oberyn went with it.

"I'm sure the sound of a heavy coin purse does wonders...?"

A beat of uncomfortable silence pushed itself between the unlikely trio.

At the end of it Oberyn scoffed knowingly. "Surely you were paid for your services?"

"He wouldn't let me." the dwarf put in mutinously, "Wouldn't accept a single gold dragon."

"Oberyn...I know what you're thinking." Naruto's voice rose in warning. "Don't go there. Don't you dare."

"Nonsense!" the prince batted his words away like so much wind. "I will not hear of it! If you will not accept coin...then perhaps another form of payment will suffice?"

As he looked on, the tips of the young man's ears burning a blazing pink with embarrassment; Tyrion suspected this was a subject the Red Viper of Dorne had broached before. Naruto certainly seemed comfortable enough around him to suggest that they'd known one another long before this. Perhaps the prince was just egging him on. And Tyrion Lannister was many things, but an opportunist was surely one of them. So when such a grand, glorious opportunity came knocking-and though he was just a touch inebriated by now-he seized it with singlehearted good humor.

"I know that look." her jabbed a finger at the Man of Many Faces. "That's why you're so on edge. You need a woman. A wise man once told me there's nothing like a woman after a fight."

"Who told you that?" Naruto and Oberyn asked simultaneously.

"Well...Bronn did." he deflated briefly before rallying. "But still! The fact stands!"

Naruto snorted. "That does sound like something your sellsword would say, just not out loud."

Tyrion sighed. "Surely a woman or two would-

"No." the tankard crunched down on the table, drawing a jolt from them. "No women. No men, either."

"I think you might change your mind," Oberyn soothed, hands rising at the blond's glower. "I have someone with me who would very much like to meet you."

Naruto stilled. "Oberyn, I swear to god-

Too late, the prince clapped his hands. "My dear, please come in!"

He'd scarcely finished speaking before someone strode into the room; at a glance, Tyrion nearly mistook the young woman for a whore. She was certainly dressed...provocatively enough for the occasion. At a glance, one might even mistake her for such. Perhaps that was her intention. No one paid attention to a whore. No one noticed a whore.

But this was not a whore.

Clad in a gossamer thin crimson gown that was just on the right side of translucent, she was certainly a woman to behold. Hers was a slender figure with curves in all the right places, a sashay to her wide hips alongside a a round posterior and enticing sway to her full-but not too full-bosom that would leave most men drooling. More than that, she had legs for days. Here was a woman who held power both in her will and her wit, who knew she was attractive and knew she could seduce anyone she pleased. A cloud of dark curls framed her face, bright eyes offering much, but promising nothing. And her smile, that slight tilt of those full, luscious lips whispered sweet sensual sin itself.

Oh, dear.

Realization broke with the dawn mere moments before Oberyn spoke.

"If I may present my niece, Arianne Martell." he stepped aside to make way for her. "I'm not sure if you remember her. She was just a child the last time you visited Sunspear."

"I remember."

Tyrion expected Naruto to give a witty to retort, or some scathing remark. For the first time since he'd met him, the Man of Many Faces, this wandering shinobi who had long ago ceased aging in any conventional sense of the word, actually looked taken aback. He supposed that was to be expected. He just didn't think it was possible. Not for someone like him.

"Hush, sorcerer. Your secret is safe with us. Still, " Arianne stepped forward, curious. "My, you really haven't aged a day."

...comes with the territory." Blue eyes flicked her up and down. "You grew up."

She stepped forward to kiss him and he jerked back.

"Time does not ignore us as it does you." the princess retorted with a roll of her eyes. "So. It is you, then? Ah." a small, secret smile bloomed across her face when he held his tongue. "The silence is your answer. I thought so."

Naruto didn't speak.

"When I was a girl," she continued, guiding his hands to her waist, "I swore revenge against the Mountain for what he did to my aunt." her body pressed closer to his."To my family. I fantasized all the ways I was going to kill him when once I grew old enough. Poison, deceit, or a simple gash across the throat. And I decided, that if the day came, and I was unable to take his head-if someone else were to do the deed before I could-then I would richly reward whomever struck the killing blow. And now my uncle tells me you orchestrated the events that led to his demise...well. I can think of only one reward great enough for you."

"Come, little Lannister." Oberyn murmured, "Let us leave them to their reward."

Sharp blue eyes flicked toward him when he rose from his seat; and a small part of Tyrion was touched to realize that though most of his attention was decidedly elsewhere, Naruto still had the wherewithal to notice that he had moved. Really, that one took his job too seriously. He looked all of a moment from tearing himself away from Arianne just to make certain he was watched over. Even so, he immediately noticed when one of those disguised doppelgangers peeled off to follow them. Well. He supposed he could stand to give them a few hours to themselves

"Oh, don't mind us." the dwarf waved his goblet at them and sketched a bow. "Have your fun. You've earned it."

Arianne paid the two men no heed as they moved to an adjacent chamber.

She drew closer, her lips brushing the outer lobe of Naruto's ear.

"Now, then, dear. I believe I owe you something...

In a single step, she kissed him fiercely.

This time, Naruto didn't resist.

A/N: Because that is LITERALLY something Arianne would do.

Didn't think she'd appear here, did you?

And there we go.

Should they go to Essos, I wonder?

That'd be fun, but the idea of screwing with Westeros is so much more appealing...

I tried to imbue as much classic Game of Thrones into this as I could, none of the disaster that was the last season. I'll be frank, the general lack of response/reviews is slowly murdering me on the home front, as it were. I write as a hobby, sure, but also to make people happy. How can I know if I'm succeeding there if I don't get a response? Everyone's been telling me to stop whinging about the trolls and flames but its FUCKING. HARD. I have to deal with that shit daily. Reviews and positive words make all the difference.

So In the Immortal Words of Altas...

...Revieeew, Would Ya Kindly?

And enjoy these previews!

Potential ones, anyway!

Which do you like?

(Previews!)

"Where did he go this time?"

A body hurtled across the alleyway.

Tyrion swore softly and followed the screams.

"By order of Cersei Lannister, you are under-

"Oh, stop talking." Even through the disguise, he felt the beginnings of a smile form. "Even like this I could slaughter you to a man; I could kill all of you. Like carving a cake. And you think I need a weapon?"

A fresh peal of laughter rose through the bar, silencing those within.

Slowly, calmly, Naruto set his mug on the table.

They frowned as it as he leaned back.

"I'll kill you with this."

"My friend, you are a genius. How is it that you managed to make more gold in a week than most of us hold in a lifetime?"

The Man of Many Faces grunted and shuffled over.

"Luck." he said, snatching up a flagon. "And a good poker Face."

...I can't help but notice you empathized the last word." Tyrion chuckled.

R&R~!

=D