Lemony content below, as well as references to past abuse and self esteem issues.
Harry was there.
No, that wasn't right.
Harry was somewhere else, somewhere far away and safe.
He wasn't there, not really.
It was a dream. A blissful, self-indulgent dream she didn't deserve.
And yet, Miranda found herself gazing at him from the log she had found herself sitting upon. He sat nearby on the blanket they'd used when keeping watch, illuminated by the full moon above them, but he hadn't glanced her way. She stayed perfectly still as she drank in the sight of him, afraid the slightest movement would disrupt the illusion. In her imagination he looked exhausted, sick and drawn, his skin paler than usual.
His head suddenly snapped in her direction, revealing to her his red-rimmed green eyes and tear stained face. Incredulity spread across his features, "Miranda?"
The broken crack of his voice cut at her, and she nodded furiously, still too afraid to really move least he disappear. Harry, on the other hand, stood swiftly from his blanket, swaying for a moment before rushing towards her.
Stopping abruptly, he stared at her like she had stared at him. "You're okay." He muttered absently, eyes lingering on where the snake had ravaged her.
Miranda gave him a tight smile, confused by the fact that she was wearing the black ensemble from the day. The corset was possibly the least comfortable thing she'd ever worn. Silence stretched between them for a moment before she whispered, "You look tired."
Harry gave her a small smile, "I miss you."
What would she give to hear him say that? What would she give for him to look at her the way he was? Miranda reached out a trembling hand, resting it just above his heart, and started at how real he felt under her touch. She could feel the texture of his henley, could feel how his heart thrummed in his chest. "Harry?"
He jerked her close, and enveloped her in his arms, his lips meeting hers with every bit of love she desired. They moved together, her hands in his short hair, his tangled in her curls, their lips locked long enough that they both pulled away gasping. Blue met green, and Miranda felt herself drift deeper into this lovely, lovely dream.
"I love you." She told him, feeling the words deeply in her soul. She wished she'd told him more often when he'd been with her.
"I love you too." He replied, touching the spot on her shoulder that had been shredded the last time he'd seen her.
Harry bent his head and kissed the healed skin. He then returned to kissing her lips like he would be satisfied doing so forever, his thumb rubbing circles across her collarbone. She wasn't satisfied though. Her heart was pounding, and she felt an unfamiliar tightening between her legs.
This was her dream. She wanted Harry. She wanted to give to him what had been taken by so many others long ago. She had never let herself feel like this, but the touch of his skin was too much, too tempting, and she couldn't come up with a reason not to just do what she wanted to do. As they continued to kiss, Miranda reached behind herself and tugged the ends of the corset string free from their knot. The corset and attached skirt fell instantly limp, kept up only by the closeness of her front to his.
"Miranda?" Harry whispered as he pulled back. Her dress slipped from her body, and his green eyes were blown wide as they trailed across the wealth of soft skin she was suddenly baring.
Regret was instantaneous. How had she forgotten? Her shoulder may not be scarred, but she'd been scarred long before magic. A few slices with pocket knives had scarred her breasts with attempts at the perpetrators initials, but they had thankfully been distorted by womanhood. Her other scars remained mostly unaltered. A curved one, from a swift kick with a boot that had torn right through her skin, arched across the top of her left thigh. A third wrapped around her right thigh, where a too thin rope had cut into her skin when she'd struggled too much. And those three reddish-purple scars were just the ones that could be seen. Her nickers, the only stitch of clothing she still wore, hid other even deeper ones.
She wanted to be whole for him. Why wasn't she? This was her dream. She should be whole. He deserved better.
Harry seemed to read the panic on her face, and pulled her tightly back into his arms, running his hands up and down her bare back as he whispered beautiful things to her. "You are beautiful." He said, and she had to pull back to look at his face.
He looked sincere, but it couldn't be true, "I'm broken, Harry. I'll never be right." In so many ways.
Harry gave her a lopsided smile, "Neither of us is broken, Miranda. We're just learning how to be stronger, even when things hurt." Inspired words for him for sure, but Miranda wanted to believe them, to let the shadows of the past go and have a perfect moment. He touched one of the scars on the side of her breast, his eyes locked on hers, "May I?"
What he wanted to do, she didn't know, but she wasn't about to stop him. "Yes."
Harry cupped her whole breast in his hand, his gorgeous eyes marveling at how right his skin on hers looked, just as she was. He startled her when he grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards the blanket he had left. "You're freezing." He explained, tugging her down onto the blanket.
The spells on the fabric settled on them instantly. "I hadn't noticed." Miranda whispered, her nearly nude body tucked against his clothed one.
Harry brushed some of her hair out of her face, kissing her again before informing her, "I wasn't finished."
Miranda had never been touched the way he was touching her. Ever. He seemed content just to explore, touching and kissing her everywhere, paying special attention to the marks that had so upset her. The tightness between her legs grew almost painful, and Miranda couldn't take it anymore. "Not enough." She gasped, pulling his face back up to hers so she could give him a few open mouthed kisses. They both worked to rid him of his clothes, and as he wrestled with his socks, Miranda removed the last bit of clothing she still had.
Miranda settled across Harry's lap, unwilling to have him on top for what they were preparing to do. She didn't want panic to ruin the moment again. Harry wasn't giving up all control though, and sought out the warmth between her thighs. He teased her while she kissed and sucked on his neck, her own hands all over him, including the firm evidence of his own arousal that bobbed between his legs.
Harry stopped them finally, looking back at her face, "I want…"
"I'm ready." Miranda gasped, nodding furiously in agreement.
He smiled broadly at her, leaning up for another kiss before he paused. He looked afraid for a moment, and she just knew he was thinking about her past, worried about hurting her. She shook her head, brushed a kiss to his lips, reached down, and grabbed him. She guided him into herself, and he didn't even blink as she lowered herself down to fully seat herself on him, gasping slightly.
"Are you alright?" He asked hoarsely.
"Yes." Miranda rushed, bending her head down to rest it on his shoulder as she adjusted to him. "Oh, yes." Miranda realized suddenly that she was crying. Tears of joy ran down her face because, it didn't just not hurt, having Harry, someone she loved, inside of her felt even better than she'd ever expected.
Harry again pushed her back, trying to pull out of her, "You're crying…"
Miranda shook her head, wiping her face furiously with the backs of her hands, "Happy tears. Promise." They hadn't taken this from her, not really. Not if this dream was anywhere close to the real thing.
They moved together, and Miranda drowned in him. Their heavy gasps and sighs filled the air around them. She didn't find release before he did, but Harry made sure to leave her satisfied.
The spells on the blanket started to fade, the winter chill creeping in slowly before they'd had enough of staring at one another, so they reluctantly pulled their clothes back on. Harry fell asleep after a while, but Miranda couldn't sleep. Could one sleep in a dream? Or did the scene just change? She didn't want to find out. All she wanted was to keep living in this perfect moment.
Miranda traced her fingers across his face, marveling at how much younger he looked when he was asleep. He looked his age again. The sallow hue to his skin was gone, replaced by a flush from their lovemaking. She had just settled enough to really rest against him when…
Hermione's voice shattered the moment.
"Harry? Harry! You let me sleep too late!" The witch groused.
Miranda felt the loss of that moment keenly, fear and anger swirling up coupled with her own exhaustion made her succumb to that falling apart feeling she so dreaded.
Miranda woke standing in the hallway of Malfoy Manor, completely confused. Why wasn't she in her bed?
"Miranda?" Draco whispered from behind her. She spun to face him, and found herself at a loss for words in the dim light cast by one of the eternal lamps in the corridor. He had a dressing robe wrapped tightly around him, and looked entirely disgruntled, "You didn't warn me you sleepwalk."
She never had before.
"Sorry." Was the word that came out of her mouth.
Draco jerked his chin to gesture over his shoulder, "Come on, back to bed. We go to Hogwarts tomorrow, and you can't be sleepwalking there. Peeves would be likely to get you to walk off a ledge for fun."
Silence reigned after that, and, try as she might, Miranda couldn't go back to sleep. Thoughts of Harry were too rampant. As was the question of how her corseted dress had replaced her nightgown. Was that typical for sleepwalkers? She wouldn't know.
If Draco noticed how uncharacteristically quiet she was as they ate breakfast, he didn't mention it. She wasn't up for talking. Her whole body hurt, like she'd apperated poorly enough to just barely avoid splinching herself, and it wasn't really a surprise at that point when soreness turned to cramping and her monthly returned. With it came impetuous behavior she struggled to control for the next few days as the weekend passed. She busied herself with potion brewing and arranging for a lab in her dorm room. A curt farewell to her brother's husk, and they flooed to Hogwarts early Monday morning.
Stepping into Hogwarts was unlike anything Miranda had ever done before. She was overwhelmed by it. In her imagination it had somehow seen smaller, less intimidating. In reality though, it was old, massive, and seemed almost cold in it's dark, austere beauty.
Snape stood by the doors waiting for them. He looked as displeased as usual, the same sour look on his waxy face. In another, far easier and distant, life he might have been handsome. "Draco, Miss Riddle, you are late."
Miranda forced a bubbly laugh, complete with a bright smile, "Don't you worry, doll face! It's just a few minutes. I don't think your students will starve. Unless you don't normally feed them of course. Even my brother feeds his underlings."
"Are you always this charming?" Snape said dryly. Although if he had any other way to speak, she would be surprised.
She smiled at him, "Well someone had to get the sense of humor in my family, and it sure as hell isn't my brother. Now are you going to let me meet your babies or not?"
"Miss Riddle, may I remind you that you are a student at Hogwarts. You are under my purview now. Please see fit that you keep yourself in line. I'm not sure how your brother would take kindly to the punishment the Carrow's enjoy dealing out." Snape said.
"Leave us, Draco." Miranda said stiffly. She wanted to speak privately with Snape. He was a prideful man and it wouldn't do well for her to speak what had to be said with an audience. Draco looked hesitant. "I said go, Draco." She said, pointedly, looking into his silver eyes. She softened a bit at the worry there. "Relax. I'll be fine."
He stepped back, bowing his head. "I'll be just outside. Call if you need anything." He shot Snape a warning look.
She couldn't help but roll her eyes at him, the boy had grown on her in the last week, more than she would have thought possible. "Go, Draco." He shot her a wane smile as he left.
"What do you have to say?" Snape drawled.
"You loved Lilly Potter." She said, a statement, not a question.
His frown deepened, "What business is it to you?"
"You loved her and lost her. You know how I'm feeling right now." She fought the urge to cry at the unfairness that her life was turning into.
Snape actually looked surprised. "You mean to tell me you sincerely love Potter?"
Miranda gave him a tight smile, "Yes, I love him. More than my own life. I'm dying for him, Severus."
"Why are you telling me this? I could tell your brother." He said, not trusting a word coming out of her mouth.
"You won't." She said quietly, "I know what you truly are. We're kindred spirits, you and I." Miranda pulled a vial out of her pocket, "Take this, when the battle comes."
He held the vial skeptically. "May I ask what the contents are?" The vial contained a dark potion, and without being in his potions lab, he couldn't determine what it contained.
"Of course." She said, "My blood. As well as a few other choice ingredients."
"Why would I need to have a vial of your blood?" He asked, itching to go back to the dungeons and examine the little potion.
She giggled softly, sounding much more human than she had previously, "At some point, I imagine Voldemort will want to kill you. I expect you to be able to hold your own in a duel, but so will he. To kill you, he would use Nagini. I'm immune to her venom. The potion should give you my immunity for at least long enough for you to escape."
Snape was surprised by her explanation. So she wasn't just an evil pretty face. "And my life is important to you because...?"
"The wizarding world will need someone who knows the full story. As well as a strong leader. Call it playing God, but I'm investing in you. You're needed." She said simply.
"I'm needed?" He said, raising an eyebrow.
Miranda looked at the door Draco had gone through, "He'll need you. I'm afraid you're going to be all he has left."
"What are you saying about his parents?" Severus said, intrigued by the girl.
"Lucius is a lost cause. But Narcissa...she's a different story. Nagini talks to me more than she does my brother. Narcissa is sick. Nagini said that she smells like death. We are lucky you and I, we're half bloods. We don't always have the same genetic issues." It made her hurt to think of how Draco would handle that. That was why she needed Severus alive. "Simply put, Severus, you have to be there to pick up the pieces."
"You are serious, aren't you?" He said.
Leaning against the wall, Miranda laced her hands onto of her stomach, sighing, "Frankly, I just haven't got the time to lie when it matters anymore. Things are moving so fast." She touched the locket around her neck lovingly, "I'll need your help, Draco's too, but I should be able to stop all this madness."
"Am I to assume you are going to remain as insufferable as you've been?" The Headmaster said, a hint of a smile on his face.
She smiled, "I'm going to have to. But I'm not going to go out of line too badly. You have a vial with my blood in it now. You're powerful enough to use that and make me regret I was ever born… again."
He smiled, "Thank you for the compliment. Although speaking of being born. You know that I can't do anything with that blood to hurt you if it's not purely your blood."
She shook her head, "I wouldn't have been so stupid as to try to mix someone else's blood with mine in a potion I intended to give to you."
Severus nodded his head, "Forgive me. I should't have assumed you would not know what you are doing. But if I may say, you do look ill."
Miranda shrugged slightly, "To be quite frank, I don't know what the bloody hell is wrong with me. Thought it was my usual ill health returning, but I'm beginning to fear it's not. I'm just hoping I live long enough to accomplish my goal." She smiled bitterly, taking a sip from the flask she kept with her nearly all the time now, "I've no idea what's wrong."
Severus didn't know how to respond to that. The look in her eyes was so familiar. It was the same look Albus had had in his when he had asked him to murder him. It was the look that said she thought she had no options left, and as usual, Severus found himself falling into the same trap, "I will help you."
"Just introduce me to your students now. I'm tired." She said dismissively, waving one of her hands at the door Draco was standing behind. "Come back in, Draco."
The doors swung open by her will alone, and Draco walked in, holding his head up regally, looking just like his father. "Are you alright? You look a little green."
She glowered at Snape, "I'll be fine." She grabbed his hand and headed to the door leading to the Great Hall. "Why don't you introduce me to your friends once Snape is done with the introductions."
Draco smiled at her, "I think I can manage that. If they even remember me. I've been gone all semester."
Miranda rubbed his arm and put her head on his shoulder, "They will, Draco. How could anyone forget your charm?"
He laughed nervously, "You'd be surprised."
She squeezed him a bit, realizing that Ginny was going to be through the doors in front of her. "I'm the one who should be worried." Draco just nodded. She gently pulled the hood on his cloak up and did the same to her own, "Let's go incognito for a bit, okay?"
They separated and followed Severus into the Great Hall.
The howling noises were instantly hushed as all of the students took in the two new figures walking down the path way. Severus made an impressive impact as he went to stand behind his podium. The students started talking again, all trying to ascertain who the cloaked figures were. "Silence." Wisely, the student body ceased their speculation.
"More Death Eaters?" Said an Irish boy Miranda vaguely pinned as Seamus Finnegan.
"Mr. Finnegan, please mind your manners. I grow tiresome of sending you to spend time with the Carrows. If you would wait one moment and you can start shoveling food in that gaping hole you call a mouth." Severus snapped sharply, pulling Draco's hood off of his platinum hair. "I would like everyone to welcome Mr. Malfoy, who has decided to join us again. Our other guest deserves your upmost respect. I will have none of your usual foolery while she is here with us. She is important to the Dark Lord."
She lowered her hood taking a breath. With her face revealed there was a shriek of disbelief followed by a scream, "You lying bitch!"
Abruptly, Miranda found herself on the ground. She looked up at Severus, who had thrown an arm out in front of her, knocking her back.
Someone, possibly the same boy she thought was the Finnegan boy, ran to Ginny and knocked her wand to the side before she could shoot off another spell.
The red haired girl was furious, tears falling down her face, "What did you do to them? What did you do to my..." She cut herself off, remembering that Ron was supposed to be home sick.
Her words soothed Miranda in a strange way. Ron had gone back, just like she'd thought he would, just like she had desperately hoped he would. That was good. Oddly enough Harry's odds were better with Ron by his side. No matter how much the boy annoyed her, he was still vital to Harry, and, regardless, she didn't want to see him hurt. He'd become her friend…almost.
She wanted to run to Ginny and sooth her fears, but that wasn't what the Dark Lord's sister would do. To the Dark Lord's sister, Ginny was a blood-traitor, nothing more than a speck of dirt on the toe of her boot. She couldn't give up the persona she had so carefully crafted so easily.
She pulled an overdramatic face of sympathy as she pulled herself to her feet. "Now Ginevra, that was quite foolish. And here I was told that you all were punished here. Such an outburst should not go unaddressed. I'll have to see to it that you are properly punished."
"I am Headmaster, Miss Riddle. I see as to how my students are punished. You'll be kind to remember that from now on." Snape said cooly.
Miranda gave Severus a lofty look, "Well, whatever you're doing doesn't seem to be working. I suggest you look at techniques from the thirties...now those were some good tactics."
"What are you?" Said a small voice, and Miranda found herself looking back down at Ginny. "How could you do this to us? To him? How could you hurt Harry like this?"
Miranda forced an evil grin, "It was easy, Ginny. He was so willing to help out a poor little lost girl." She put on a mournful face, which was actually the easiest expression to make these days, "I hardly had to work at all. I must say though, he's a fantastic snog. I can almost understand why you would have wanted to be with him."
"You are such a bloody Bitch!" Ginny yelled, struggling against her detainers, tears running down her angry red face.
Miranda giggled, and she let her voice fill the giant room, "Come now, Ginevra, stop those tears. You're making a spectacle of yourself. Purebloods shouldn't act like that."
"I trusted you!" Ginny cried out as two Prefects dragged her out of the Great Hall. Miranda kept her cool, not wanting to show any weakness. It was almost impossible to remain impassive when faced with just the first wave of consequences from her actions. It was going to get much worse from here.
Draco put an arm around her shoulder, bringing his lips to her ear, "Best you act like my girl, the rest of the Sytherin's won't leave you alone otherwise."
"Draco, I can't do that to you." She hissed back at him grateful that all eyes were on the screaming Weasley and not on her.
"Why not?" He asked, though his tone told that he already knew the answer to his own question.
Miranda shrugged his arm off here shoulder, muttering in Parseltongue, before growling, "I love Harry, Draco. I'm not going to put on a relationship. You are my friend, Draco, but that's as much as I can love you. I though you knew that."
The corner of his mouth twitched, "I do, but I had to give it a try. I'd have been shocked if you had said yes. It would be safer for you, but I guess I'll just be your bodyguard."
She smiled at him, "You aren't my bodyguard, you are my friend, Draco. I was serious about being tired though." She wiggled her empty flask in front of his face, "I need to get to my new rooms and make more of my potion. I used a lot of it today."
He had noticed. He had begun to notice a lot of things about Miranda. Over the weeks he had known her she had begun taking more and more potions in varying dosages and types. At the very least, she was taking Dreamless Sleep to control her sleep walking, a potion to help boost her immune system and the antidote to Veritaserum. Draco hadn't ask, and Miranda had offered no explanation to her excessive self-medication.
If all of his potions lessons had stuck, than he was pretty sure that the potion she wouldn't let him help with was Felix Felisis. Why she needed liquid luck, he wasn't sure. She seemed to be able to make any situation work for her, but maybe that was it.
Maybe she was already taking the potion. If she was, things were worse than he thought they were. Taking too many potions would only make problems worse in the long run. She could die. But Draco got the feeling that Miranda didn't care one bit about her own life anymore. He just hoped that it was all worth it.
Reviews are always welcome! Any predictions?
Coming up: Miranda does more soul-searching, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione continue their quest.