Irisviel Answers Complaints

by 16-horses

The characters of the Fate saga certainly have to put up with a lot, but Irisviel von Einzbern has decided to receive the complaints of Masters and Servants alike and hopefully address their issues. Predictably, she has her work cut out for her. Reader participation is encouraged! Latest chapter: EMIYA Part II, featuring Mysterious Heroine X.

2. Tokiomi Tohsaka

Current Client: Tokiomi Tohsaka

Irisviel: What's the problem?

Tokiomi: My Servant has a serious alcohol problem.

Irisviel: How serious are we talking here?

Tokiomi: He drank twenty bottles of wine, two six-packs of beer, and five gallons of vodka in one night.

Irisviel: How is he still alive?

Gilgamesh: Sheesh, maybe I just have a highly encouraged metabolism. What are you gawking at?

Irisviel: Alarming indeed, but I wouldn't worry too much over it, sir. He appears to be in perfect health. And after all, he could probably win the Holy Grail War for you just by breathing on all your enemies.

Gilgamesh: Save it, mongrel. Is there a bathroom around here?