Please submit your requests as reviews, not PMs. PMs are easily lost or overlooked and I might accidentally skip you.
Requested by: The Last Order
Current Client: Gilgamesh
Irisviel: Oh, great. Not you again.
Gilgamesh: Is this how you tend to greet me, mongrel.
Irisviel: Whoops, pardon me.
Gilgamesh: Pfft. Mongrels, all of you.
Irisviel: Are... you still talking to me?
Gilgamesh: Yes! It has reached my ears that you are receiving complaints, so I have deigned to grace you with my presence. Fall on your face and show your gratitude, meat doll!
Irisviel: Um, no. There'll be no face-falling here. Just tell me what you want. Not that you're the type to take advice, anyway.
Gilgamesh: Very well. I – wait! Why am I doing what you say!?
Irisviel: Well, this is an advice booth. Office. Thing.
Gilgamesh: I suppose I'll HAVE to comply, if I want you to shut up anytime soon.
Irisviel: Thank you. I think. I hope.
Gilgamesh: There is something I simply cannot understand.
Irisviel: You and me both, bro.
Gilgamesh: Why is it that I am always ultimately defeated – no, not just defeated, but KILLED – by the lowliest of mongrels who are not fit to lick my shadow? By rights, they should have been incinerated by my glory alone!
Irisviel: Mongrels such as... ?
Gilgamesh: That faker, the little faker, the –
Irisviel: Big faker?
Gilgamesh:...
Irisviel: I don't think the swirling golden portals with the pointy things sticking out of them are a good sign... forget I asked. As for your, um, untimely deaths, I think your main problem is that you just underestimate them too often...
Gilgamesh: YOU DARE TO IMPLY THAT I HAVE MADE FAULTS IN MY JUDGMENT!? I AM DIVINE! I HAVE UNCLOUDED SIGHT AND PERCEPTION!
Irisviel: A-and yet, y-you keep dying...
Gilgamesh: ENUMA ELISH!