I have no excuse for my absense. 'I didn't feel like it' doesn't quite cut it. Let me just say, hello again and it's back to business!
I am afraid I must lay down a couple of limits. First: the Fate franchise is so flippin' huge and most of what I know is the result of hours and hours of painful research, and since I am doing this for fun, after all, and would rather not suffer a mental breakdown, I can't accept suggestions of just anything. Nothing from the Miyuverse, please. Is that what it's called? I don't even know. I know absolutely nothing about it and I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it. Also the Kaleid-thing. I tried looking it up once and spent the rest of the day a gibbering wreck.
Second: I'm not naming names, here, just giving a general reminder. I'm sure we are all aware of how Fate can get a little... risque. Please keep your requests rated G! I'm looking to provide clean, quality humor that everyone and anyone can enjoy.
Without further ado,
Irisviel has reopened the Complaint Receiving Center.
Requested by: The Last Order
Current Client: Ritsuka Fujimaru
Irisviel: Am I seeing things, or have my son and the Tohsaka girl... turned into my daughter and the Tohsaka boy?
Gudako: Hello!
Gudao: Why is she crying?
Irisviel: You look so normal... I love you...
Gudako: See? She's nice! I told you this was a good idea!
Gudao: That remains to be seen...
Irisviel: Ahem. Let me get myself in order. All right, then. How may I help you?
Gudako: We're having Servant problems.
Irisviel: What is it? You wish you had different Servants? You're out of Command Seals? Your Servants are dating?
Gudako: Well, Merlin actually –
Gudao: Gudako, we had an agreement.
Gudako: Oh, right. Sorry. No, our Servants are relatively well-behaved – I mean, we ourselves get along with them fairly well – but they're always fighting each other, and it's hard to keep track of so many anyway.
Irisviel: So many? You've only got two between the two of you, right? Oh, wait, if you've been stealing other people's Servants, you could have a total of seven and that IS a lot...
Gudao: You tell her.
Gudako: You're the one with five thousand Cú Chulainn's.
Gudao: I've only got... one, two... Prototype's his own dude... four...
Gudako: We have pretty much every Servant in existance.
Irisviel:...
Gudao: I said four, right? Ma'am?
Irisviel: ...How many is that, exactly?
Gudao: Do you want me to count on my fingers again? There's just a lot. I mean a lot. Please. We just want to know how we can keep them in line, or maybe if we could reduce the numbers a bit.
Irisviel: Well – *cough* – if you summoned them in the first place, I don't see how you're in a position to request reduced numbers. You should have thought all that through before you decided to summon 'lots and lots' of Servants. As for keeping them in line, I suppose you can recruit some of them to help you out with that. Don't you have any reasonable, responsible Servants who can help look after the others?
Gudako: Well, Merlin seems to think that's his job –
Gudao: AHEM.
Gudako: Sorry.
Irisviel: Is Merlin some sort of a sore point with you two?
Gudao: It's a bit of a long story.
Gudako: I know! Arturia!
Gudao: Which one?
Gudako: The original, of course. I don't need to explain about the Alters; I'd rather leave Archer to her watermelons, and I wouldn't trust the Mysterious Heroines with a crowbar and a jar of applesauce.
Gudao: Why would you leave them in possession of a crowbar and a jar of applesauce?
Gudako: Mmm... remember this morning when Caster Gil seemed to be a really bad mood and he wouldn't tell you why?
Gudao: I'm going to regret asking, aren't I.
Gudako: Well, you see – oh, never mind. It involves Merlin and we aren't supposed to talk about him.
Gudao: No, no. This is important. Who had a crowbar and a jar of applesauce?
Irisviel: Apparently I do not exist anymore.